A/s/L ?

>>682479003
Samael/Immortal/Las Vegas

Hows hitler

>>682478852
What's it like being me?

>>682478852
so what part of hell am i getting sent to

>>682478852
Whats the fucking meaning to life normie

>>682479206
Depends on how the rest of your life pans out

>>682479172
Pretty good, man

>>682479161
He is in great agony, and likely will be for a long time to come

>>682479316
Even I don't know that one, so I'll just say each person should find their own purpose.

Dear Satan will I make it through the semester?

Is there internet in hell?

>>682479433
Most likely.

>>682479450
For workers, yes, we don't usually give prisoners access unless it's for a particular torture.

>>682478852
Um...Mister satan, sir

Can I ask you what music style do you love the most?

Do you listen to witch house?

>>682479560
how do i become a worker

File: 1462153864092.jpg (10 KB, 300x186) Image search: [Google]

10 KB, 300x186

If you're supposed to be such a bad guy, then why do you punish the people who did bad? You're helping God, the person you're supposed to hate, and you're technically good because you're punishing the evil.

>>682478852
hey dad

Ay mate, you the guy I need to sell my soul to in order to be a successful musician?

I have a bunch of souls belonging to other people. I got them by trading pokemon cards when I was 7. Can I use them instead of my own soul?

If I can, would that be considered more evil?

Yo Lucifer dawg
U heff any job offers for me?

It's really so bad that you mother escaped from hell Mr morningstar?

>>682478852
how evil do i need to be to hang out with u after i die.

Yo wtf man god is over here talking shit about you, you gonna let that slide?

>>682479646
I second this. Need your ass to get here so we can barter, you red son of a bitch.

How to meme, mate?

where are your satanic trips you lying sack of shit

>>682479598
If you end up in Hell, we'll offer you a chance to join us.

>>682479578
I listen to all kinds, I like rock the most.

Sometimes.

>>682479630
That's just it, I'm not a bad guy, I'm an angel of the Lord.

>>682479646
No, you'll need to talk to one of my associates.

>>682479632
Hey son.

>>682479654
You can, but if you end up in Hell you will be punished harder for it

Satan, I don't really want to trade my soul (not yet at least) but I have a different kind of deal.

You grant me 1 wish and I'll give you my virginity?

Deal?

>>682478852
I think there is a demon in my stomach, what do

>>682479708
Stop by my office after you die, we'll work something out.

Also, my name is not Lucifer, that was a mistranslation. Lucifer was a Babylonian king.

>>682479822

In the short term, considerably. But in the long term I will be in heaven.

>>682480119
is your wish to lose your virginity to satan? If so this could work.

>>682479960
Nigger, you're fucking Satan. You're supposed to be bad. You hate the Lord, so why work for him?

>>682478852
W-will you punish me Satan chan?..

So I assume you sent prince right back up to the pearly gates with a note that said "fuck this nigger, we're full"

Also, would it be possible for me to wake board on a lake of fire with a 6 tittied whore from a planet just this side of alpha centarui while amy winehouse does lines of coke off of my erect cock?

You see, heaven is full of boring ass losers, I'm trying to get into hell.

>>682480119
Sorry, no deal.

>>682480179
Consult your doctor. If he can't figure it out, talk to a priest.

>>682480339
Possibly

>>682480241
I don't hate the Lord, I love him. My job is to test his favorite creations.

>>682478852

Do I get a wish if I sell you my soul? If yes, I'd like to do that.

>>682478852
can i get some power to rule this shit hole?

Tell me, Dark Lord, why is /b/ so full of dick rate and trap threads? Is this your bidding? Are you Lord of Darkness or the Lord of Faggotry? Is this what awaits your faithful servants? Fuck this gay hell, I'm going to heaven!

>>682480493
Fucking kill me so I can go to hell and bitch slap your ass with a bible.

>>682480493
Aaaaaaw shit...
Well...I guess I could try selling my virginity to Baphomet...Or Ishtar or something.

Maybe you know some evil diety who'd be interested in a fresh virginity?

I've got AIDS

Satan answer me one thing

I'm a masochist - I like pain

If I go to hell will this be like a never ending fetish party for me?

>>682480392
Heaven can be a lot more fun than you think, and prisoners in Hell aren't allowed to have fun. But I guess what you suggest is possible.

>>682480516
I don't really have a sexual preference, and you humans all have free will. Those threads are the doing of the anons, not me.

>>682480507
Which shit hole are you referring to?

>>682480506
You'll have to speak with one of my servants, I don't usually make the deals directly.

>>682480724
Lilith is willing to take virginities, but she charges souls for that.

>>682480651
Sorry, that's Death's job, not mine.

>>682480748
My sympathies.

>>682480898
How do I contant your servents, m'lord

>>682480898
shit hole = earth mortal dimension

>>682480898
Who the fuck's Lilith?

>>682478852
can you play the greatest song in the world?
If not can you at least play a tribute TO the greatest song in the world?

Can I get succubus pussy in Hell?

>>682480866
No. Hell typically works differently than you might think.

You see, you aren't stuck there for eternity. You're simply there until you've lived through all the pain and suffering you've caused others, or until you repent, whichever comes first.

>>682481009
Go to a crossroads at midnight, focus your thoughts on what it is you want, and what you are willing to pay for it. If your thoughts are sincere, a dark figure will appear, and strike a deal with you.

>>682481110

That's a tall order, what would you offer in return?

File: Bill Cosby Wisdom.png (434 KB, 800x517) Image search: [Google]

434 KB, 800x517

>>682478852
Hi Satan,
what should we do about all the niggers?

Do you need an enforcer on this side? I can help you out if you want, without selling my soul. No saints, no children. Unless they are really evil children.

>>682479947
answer my question you fucking pretender

So how does entry into heaven and hell work? Is there a list?

>>682481221
carry out the orders from you, and from the loyalty to the lord god

>>682480866
That's...An interesting question, anon...
Makes me think...

File: lillith.jpg (39 KB, 579x601) Image search: [Google]

39 KB, 579x601

>>682481161
not, op. I just looked it up.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lilith_in_popular_culture

>Lilith, a female demon from Jewish mythology,
>Jewish

Makes pic related funny.

>>682481207
Hell is not a vacation. But a few Succubi are running around on Earth, you might be able to find one.

>>682481161
The first of your kind to become a demon.

>>682481166
Tenacious D already handled that.

>>682481293
The Christian thing to do is turn the other cheek. But, don't be a fool. If someone puts your life or the life of someone you care for in danger, do what you have to do.

>>682481305
In what way do you mean "enforcer"?

>>682481344
Meme magic is beyond my power.

>>682481515
Your life is examined, and if you've mostly been a good person, you're sent to heaven. But, if you've caused a significant amount of pain and suffering to others, you come to me.

>>682481568
I'll consider it. But if a voice tells you to shoot up a school or something, don't listen. It's probably Belial or Molech.

M'lord Satan, another question for you. If I sell my soul for a wish, can I wish for a genie in the lamp or a goldfish that'll give me 3 wishes? If so, hypotheticly speaking, if there's such law that I can't wish for more than 3 wishes or for more than one goldfish/genie, can I wish for a wish to edit those laws to my own will? Like, can I edited them so I can get unlimited number of wishes? If so, can I wish for my souls to return to me, or for another new souls and be free of the consequences that'd await me in Hell? If so, can I make you my bitch with my wishes?

File: C__Data_Users_DefApps_AppData_INTERNETEXPLORER_Temp_Saved Images_hqdefault.jpg (22 KB, 480x360) Image search: [Google]

22 KB, 480x360

>>682479405
But why? He did nothing wrong!

>>682481661
Lillith was the mother of demons and Adam's first wife. She became a demon after becoming the firs woman to have sexual relations with demons.

Who writes these shitty wikipedia entries?

Jesus Christ here, when I get to hell can I get special treatment. Big Fan.

>>682478852
What did you tell kendrick when he turned 26?

>>682481661
Groooooss
I'd rather keep it to myself then

TITS or GTFO

>>682481838
What's the catch with having sex with succubus?

I'm starting to think that OP isn't really satan.

Are you currently in the possession of my soul because I think I lost like 300 years of my soul in hell during a wager against you trying to get you to force weed legalization. Oh and what are the 33rd degree freemasons hiding?

>>682481938
/pol/, please. I agree with you that he wasn't all bad, but he did a fair amount of things wrong.

>>682481895
No

>>682482007
Jesus, you were already here once.

>>682481979
Yes

>>682482017
That's a secret.

>>682482125
More often than not they will steal either your lifeforce or your soul

>>682482240
Why do you think that, anon?

>>682482240
The greatest trick I ever pulled was convincing the world that I do not exist.

>>682482289
I am.

They've spoken to angels.

No seriously, what did you do with prince?

>>682482466
You're quoting god now. Remember how you are a rebel and hate him and want to take over heaven?

File: 1455545455274.jpg (542 KB, 902x1000) Image search: [Google]

542 KB, 902x1000

>>682478852
No, I am satan.

>>682482496
He's with me, for the moment, but he should be sent topside before long

>>682482613
Again, that is untrue. My job is to test you and the other mortals.

>>682482700
Impressive dubs

Assuming god exists is he just like super bored and lonely to the point he went insane or what? I mean he has no equal in power and intellect worth talking to.

>>682482836
>My job is to test you and the other mortals.

Not lucifer. Bye.

>>682482849
That's part of why he created your kind. He believes that one day you will rise to become his equals.

>>682482908
Too bad J.C. died, and Satan isn't real.

>>682482836
Is LaVey your bitch?

>>682482956
Not Lucifer, Samael

>>682482908
Jesus could destroy me in an instant were he so inclined.

File: Screenshot_2016-05-03-14-54-03-1.png (444 KB, 1440x2228) Image search: [Google]

444 KB, 1440x2228

>>682482290
O rlly?
well kendrick quoted you

When I was a kid and saw that green floating head with the glasses who was that? Yea try answering that one lightbearer dood.

>>682483125
LaVey was a fool. And yes, he's here.

>>682483251
He did not pay very close attention to what I said

>>682483276
If I had to guess, I would say Molech. He enjoys tormenting children.

>>682478852
When's the fun gonna start, been sitting here for like a 1000 fucking years Satan...

>>682483499
If he were inclined, I would not be here.

>>682483544
Are you referring to the apocalypse? I do not know. No angel does.

>>682483282
Is Napoleon down there?

Is there weed in hell? Is there any reincarnation going on and if so can I work for the mob in my next life?

Is the loop real

>>682483784
Not anymore.

>>682483976
So soon? Interesting.

>>682483858
Reincarnation does exist, and it doesn't work like that. You're given a blank slate if you choose to reincarnate, so there's no telling what you will become.

>>682484158
The loop?

why do hot dogs come in packs of 10 and hot dog buns come in packs of 8

>>682484346
Because they want you to buy more buns.

>>682484346
So you'd buy more, welcome to capitalism.

Am I currently cursed

>>682478852
Which religion is the correct one?
There are so many, but they all have similarities.
Do they all have some basis?

Can you command satanists to send me bitcoin?

>>682484263
Why are Australians so good at shitposting?

>>682478852

I thought you weren't allowed to persecute us directly here on Earth. So, explain how you are getting away with Donald Trump?!?

Is this a JOB like test, or is he actually your son?

>>682484635
Yes, each religion has some truth to it. Christianity is mostly true, but no one group of it got it perfectly.

>>682484705
I could, but I won't.

>>682484573
Yes

>>682478852
Yo Satan, keep trying to summon a succubus to fuck me.
Why can't I ever get it to work?

satan can you show a little rick to prove

>>682478852
I challenge you to a rock off!

>>682484937
Because you're not really trying.

>>682478852
How's Sadam?

Why'd some crazy ass nigger tell me I was annunaki a few years back right as I was going psychotic. Pushed me that last inch off the edge

>>682484795
They're descendants of a bunch of degenerates and troublemakers, are you really surprised?

>>682484836
Donald Trump has his own free will, and Hillary Clinton is worse than he is.

>>682484937
You're doing it wrong, or they aren't interested.

>>682485009
FUCK! FUCK! FUUUUUUUCK, THE DEMON CODE FORBIDS ME FROM DECLINING A ROCKOFF CHALLENGE. WHAT ARE YOUR TERMS, WHAT'S THE CAAAATCH?

>>682478852
What percentage of 4chan users will you imagine go to Hell?

What exactly is soul and what perks does it give to take souls

May I have an opportunity to fuck your father?

>>682485061
What is it? Not enough goat blood, issues with pronunciation, I'm sure I got the ritual down!

how shit is it getting all the dead gays and other mentally ill souls

lol u tk him 2 da bar|?

>>682485180
He is in great pain.

>>682485237
Roughly ten percent

>>682485309
That's really up to him.

>>682485301
It's the essence of your being. If a being has your soul, they have you for all eternity.

>>682485201
Because some people are idiots.

>>682485214

So, you're saying that Donald Trump IS your son, but that he's free to do what he wants... but that somehow, Hillary is WORSE than Donald Trump... Are you controlling her directly?

>>682485214
>or they aren't interested
well, guess it's time to rape one

>>682485336
You're talking to the wrong guy, anon.

>>682485214
First I have to learn how to rock.

...any chance I can get some kind of Faustian bargan? Sell my soul to be the best fiddle player there ever was?

BRB, moving to Georgia.

What will recreational drugs be like in 100 years?

Has Anyone Really Been Far Even as Decided to Use Even Go Want to do Look More Like?

>>682478852
Tits or GTFO

>>682485463
Being gay or mentally ill doesn't get you sent to Hell.

>>682485614
Good luck

>>682485613
Hillary has a direct line to me. Trump usually gets put on hold.

>>682485677
Poor fool.

>>682485752
Yes

>>682485735
Some will be legal, and methods will have been developed to make most of them safer.

Is Quorthon down there or is he up? If you've met him, how's he like? Is he the God?

Am I going to hell?

>>682478852
So, is Hell really that bad?

Have you ever considered making a band?

How to sell you my soul and what are the profits?

Will I go to hell if I fucked my lil sister?

>>682485989
Gon DO IT tonight, jus watch nuyggah

>>682478852
What's my name fag?

Are niggers factually inferior?

who will be the lawless

>>682478852
Hi Stan, are niggers human enough to be sent to hell?
and about gingers - do they have a soul?

>>682486017
He is not. He's an ok guy, though.

>>682486038
Possibly.

>>682486192
It's pretty horrific for those who are stuck there.

>>682486220
Yes, but Beelzebub scared off the audience.

>>682486316
Did she consent? And how young are we talking?

>>682486274
Go to crossroads at midnight, think hard on what you want. If you are sincere and your soul is worth it, one of my associates will come to you.

>>682486442
Anonymous

>>682486451
In some regards, yes. You do have slightly different DNA

File: image.jpg (1 MB, 1280x1891) Image search: [Google]

1 MB, 1280x1891

>>682481938
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING? HE FAILED AT INVADING RUSSIA AND KILLING THE KIKES!

>>682486618
Yes

Yes

>>682486733
True

Did you create comcast customer support?

Do you have feelings? Also, what's your stance on atheism?

who will be the lawless ?

>>682486672
Two main questions:
What are the ultimate sins? Not the 7 deadly. Things that if you do, you will be in Hell for all of eternity, even if you repent/go through all the suffering you've caused.

If I hypothetically sell my soul, how do I get it back/avoid being stuck in Hell?

How can I prevent going to hell

Is Obama really the Antichrist?

File: image.jpg (18 KB, 319x316) Image search: [Google]

18 KB, 319x316

>>682486965

>>682478852
you still do deals lmao?

Do you like the satanic black metal scene? Are most of them actually genuine?

How many people have i indirectly killed and/or caused to commit suicide on the interwebz unknowingly.

File: image.jpg (85 KB, 599x563) Image search: [Google]

85 KB, 599x563

>>682487511
21

>>682486965
Yes I did

>>682486969
I do

If you're a decent person, I could give a rat's ass what theological beliefs you have.

>>682487118
There is nothing that will get you eternal suffering, unless you kill God. But that will never happen

A deal with me is final.

>>682487151
No, he's not nearly strong or competent enough

>>682487416
It's entertaining, and about forty percent are

>>682487511
22

She will be my gf?

>>682487753
I've always wanted to know if I will ever find a person to love me. I'm still young. Early 20's and all, but I wanna know if I'll find a lady to love me for me. And will she be as quirky or kinky as I am? If it's not beyond your knowledge I mean...

Whats the best written human literature in your opininon?

When will this thread get 404ed?

>>682478852
goddamit fuck off satan you giant dildo eating douchenozzle you still fucking owe me 50 bucks from last time you were here. go back to detroit you double nigger

What if I want to leech some bitcoin to get my cat some CBD so it doesn't die.

>>682488242
Mein Kampf

>>682488191
There is someone out there for everyone, anon. I believe you will find someone, just make sure you don't settle.

>>682488242
Moby Dick

>>682488343
Even I'm not touching Detroit

Why is there even aftherlife, i always imagined that there is nothing afther we die

>>682487753
So what happens to you when you sell your soul?
do you go to hell for eternity after you die or something or is that off the table?

Should i let a random guy fuck my girl while she is drunk (not passed out) going to Vegas in 2 weeks..

>>682488610
When you make the deal, you give your soul for a certain period of time. The larger the thing you ask for, the longer your soul stays in Hell.

>>682488562
Ask God.

>>682488712
Is she into it?

File: image.jpg (59 KB, 842x367) Image search: [Google]

59 KB, 842x367

>>682488493
I happen to live in Detroit. Feels bad man.

>>682488825
Do people portray you accurately/What's the most accurate portrayal?

You sure you cant force satanists to send me bitcoin so I can buy my dying cat some CBD

>>682488952
My sympathies

>>682489011
Gabriel from Supernatural.

>>682488825

How does one feel before dying? I believe its dependent on where you are going, but do people usually see/feel somthing in common?

How does one take someones soul?

Does a deal with you make people mad/rabid or is that dependent on their psych?

>>682488825
So what's your estimate on how long trading your soul for a super power would get you?

>>682489122
Hell only do it in exchange for somethinf you prick. Put some respect on his name.

Are you omniscient? If yes, would you recommend this trait to others?

>>682478852

How are the numbers these days?

I know I'm going to visit soon, But I want a party of sin and debauchery, none of that Florida retirement home bullshit.

>>682488825
Satan make another thread when done. Havent sympathized with someone like you in a while. I kind of want to do this for longer.

>>682489433
This!

File: 1462273168793.jpg (89 KB, 900x600) Image search: [Google]

89 KB, 900x600

Do you have a view of the world these days, if so. Do you focus yourself onto something specific? Or just 'everything'.
Thanks.

>>682489272
This is important to me

>>682489607
100% agreed, had no idea that he was such a down to earth guy

>>682488825
Of course she is thats why we're doing this in Vegas

>>682489803
I had a feeling he was a good guy so to speak, but to speak so reasonably, especially here.

where can i find cp

>>682479960
Tell me who i need to talk to. I have a metal band that's ready

>>682489122
I can, but I won't. I don't force you people to do anything, that's kind of the point.

>>682489272
It depends on the circumstances surrounding your death, really. Some are at peace, others have difficulty accepting it.

Souls typically have to be given. Few beings are capable of just taking them.

Depends on their psych

>>682489398
A few centuries, maybe longer depending on the power.

>>682489433
I am not, just well informed

>>682489450
There's a few billion people from Earth down here right now.

>>682489607
Perhaps another day, anon.

>>682489735
I'm not particularly pleased with humanity as a whole at the moment, but I do think the Lord was right about you.

I keep an eye on all of you and see how you treat others and what you do with your lives.

>>682488825
Are our paths engraved or do we really have the outcome in our hands? It all seems to perfect for coincidences so maybe there's multiple paths depending on your actions right?

Do you know the muffin man?

>>682490156
Okay if you wont make another I want to thank you for your time and responses. Really opened my eyes to some things. Would you be able to reveal a bit of truth to us? Give us a piece of knowledge, whatever you want it to be.

>>682478852

Why did you create Islam?

>>682490156
A few centuries is a fair rate, so all I have to do is walk to a crossroads with what I want and what I'd give for it clear in my mind right?
Anything else I should know in advance before making a deal?

>>682490156
How do I sell my soul? Nothing specific in mind.
The best/easiest way, I mean.
I am lazy, and I don't want to seem suspicious or anything, nor do I want to be scammed.
Tips?

Why come here today?

>>682490156
Ah probably wont tell me this but how do you make a pact with the person in exchange for their soul? I doubt its as simple as here, take it. Afterall many people offer their love and dont stay

>>682489963
Well if she consents, then go for it, have fun.

>>682490035
cripplechan

>>682490117
Go to a crossroad at midnight, focus hard on what you want, and if you are sincerely willing to pay with your soul, one of my associates will come to you.

>>682490206
You were all given the gift of free will. God supposedly already knows what choices you will end up making, but ultimately those choices are still your own. That's what makes you mortals special; you have the capacity to choose your own destiny, and your potential is limitless. Be thankful, it's the greatest gift God gives his creations.

>>682490469
The muffin man?

>>682490519
As a test to Christianity, and eventually, the civilized world.

>>682490500
You are quite welcome, anon. If there is one truth, it's this: right now, mankind is but the tiniest amoeba in the vastness of the universe. But, your kind have the potential to one day become as great as God himself. Your destiny is your own to forge, and there is no limit to what you can accomplish.

Sell my soul for money?
Thanks

How big is your dick?

>>682490858
So when you sell you soul? Is it hell forever once you die, or do you get the same torture and repent treatment as everyone else

>>682478852
Hello fag, i've been looking for you. I want to make a deal with you. But come to me in person i am not gonna discuss it online.

>>682490858
Crossroads at midnight, is there anything special to say or just sit and wait?

imagine gods in all. then how can you be separate from god. please explain as its all good cuz its all god. there is nothing separate from god

>>682491110
Edgy faggot can't even get quads.

>>682490858
What's the standard term in hell for a full life of riches and fame?

Does soldier that kill in war go to hell?

>>682478852
what's my name?

prove ur satan by getting quints

>>682490858
You really bringing the heat, Im screen caping this shit. Will most likely make a sheet with this

Tell me, why us. Why were we chosen, we are such fragile and prone to corruption.

Im curious how we will play out in the grand scheme of things. Hopefully I reincarnate close enough to see it.

Soo, do we keep ties with the human race after reincarnation, even if not directly?
Like if we are born on a different planet. Is it likely our new path and the humans path will have contact?

>>682490792
I get bored sometimes.

>>682490808
We do write out a contract, and make sure you know exactly what you're signing up for. Time in Hell is not pleasant for anybody, so you need to be sure you really want what you're asking for.

>>682490700
Yes. Make sure the entity you're dealing with provides a physical contract, and signs it in their blood before having you sign. Occasionally unsanctioned demons will try to scam people.

>>682490757
Go to a crossroad at midnight and focus hard on what you want. If you are sincere in offering your soul, someone will come.

>>682490808
Making a pact between two humans is rare, and usually requires sorcery.

>>682490893
As big as I want it to be.

>>682491105
It depends on the deal. No deal is going to get you an eternity.

>>682491114
Sit, wait, and focus.

>>682491436
Fifty to a hundred years if you want to be moderately wealthy and famous

>>682491450
Depends on the circumstances.

>>682491105
Nothing is forevee, he probably has your soul for a certain ammount of time depending on wha you ask for.>>682491110

>>682491758
You gonna come to me or not? Atleast send someone i really have a good deal for you!

Why are souls worth so much?

>>682491678
Your soul can live many lifetimes, but it will only know of the one it is living when in the mortal world. In the afterlife, you can remember every lifetime you have lived.

And truthfully, I am unsure why God chose you and the other mortal races. At first it seemed egotistical. He wanted beings that could comprehend his work, but that weren't yes-men like most of his angels that would blindly praise him. I think he hopes one day to have the company of people who are as good as he is.

>>682491943
Follow the instructions I gave.

>>682491758
What's inside a black hole

>>682492142
minty ectoplasm

>>682491758
I'm sincere, but I can't make it to a crossroads.
Now what do I do? You know who I am. I'm pretty valuable to have. I want all of those in exchange for what you seek.

>>682491758
If soldier is ordered to execute someone and he does it, will he go to hell then?

>>682492142
Because they are eternal, the very essence of a being that God holds in higher regard than even his angels.

>>682492160

Whatever it sucks in

>>682492258
I don't usually make housecalls these days. I'll consider sending someone, though, but think long and hard about this, alright?

>>682491758
Have you ever made a pact for certain ammount of peoples souls? Like lets say I want somethin so big mine doesnt suffice? Even if the deal wasnt with a mortal?

Also, tell us what your idea of a fun time is.

Is there other civilizations in space?

>>682491758
What exactly are demons? I don't want to fiddle with them aside from movies and card games, but the mythos of those card games and movies never satisfied me

why am I gay

>>682492404
I have. It's my final decisions. I appreciate it. Thanks.

>>682492150
Will not dissapoint. We will see each other as equals some day and well have a beer together all 3/? Of us.

File: 1436484292510.jpg (232 KB, 560x700) Image search: [Google]

232 KB, 560x700

do you approve of child pornography?
do you fap to it?

File: image.jpg (32 KB, 415x500) Image search: [Google]

32 KB, 415x500

Turn me into a sexy beautiful trap and I'll let you have my soul!!!

>>682492758
See>>682491758

File: louis_jordan_small_small.jpg (57 KB, 304x304) Image search: [Google]

57 KB, 304x304

How do Saturday Night Fish Fry??????

File: image.jpg (147 KB, 736x1104) Image search: [Google]

147 KB, 736x1104

>>682492916
I agree to the contract 100%

>>682492293
If he's told to execute a city full of people and he does it? Probably

If he's told to execute an enemy soldier who killed half a dozen people and whose presence puts everyone else at risk? Probably not.

War is a varied process, and situations are really too numerous to give a simple yes or no.

>>682492471
Many, your kind will meet them some day, if you survive long enough.

>>682492502
Some are fallen angels, others are humans that chose to join our ranks for varying reasons.

>>682492429
On occasion, though if someone pays me with souls they stole, I usually just send those souls to heaven, and give that person an extra long punishment when I get his or her soul.

Just observing you can be fun, but interactions are quite illuminating, and despite watching you all for thousands of years, you still manage to surprise me sometimes.

>>682492571
A combination of nature and nurture.

>>682492715
Angels have a set place, anon. We are high beings, but will always be below God. He loves us, but he loves you more.

>>682492752
No and no

>>682492758
You can see a doctor for that without having to pay with your soul.

>>682492945
The same as they do the rest of the week.

>>682492150
What instructions?

Did you really shout out who killed the kennedys, when after all it as you and me?

Will it all end the way it began? Afterall every ending is a new begining. Can we assume the begining of our universe/reality/cosmos was the death of anoher?

Also whats gods default mode? A being? Energy? Time?

Tell me something about time.

>>682492404
If you sell your soul, is it forever, or does it eventually get released?
And, since souls are eternal, could I make multiple requests for a certain amount of time? I mean, I don't see myself living past 80, so that's 60 years of earthly pleasures, and, so wouldn't that be 60+ years of Hellish torture?

File: 1437016072337s.jpg (10 KB, 250x241) Image search: [Google]

10 KB, 250x241

>>682493189
Man Satan fucking sucks.
I thought you were edgy and cool

You're the one that God chose to do the dirty job.
Respect man

>>682493209
Go to a crossroads at midnight, focus hard on what you want, and if you are sincere about offering your soul, someone will come to you. But, if you have even the tiniest shred of doubt, nobody will come.

>>682493355
I don't know how it will end, sometimes I wonder if even God knows that. God doesn't really have a default mode. He is what he is. That can encompass literally anything at any time.

Also, humans don't seem to comprehend just how vast time is.

>>682493373
Depends on what you want for those sixty years. You want money? Sure, sixty years is about right. I do usually give discounts to people who make a deal for less selfish reasons, like to save someone else. I don't usually do multiple deals, but it happens on occasion.

>>682493605
Thanks, anon.

>>682493483
Sorry to dissapoint

>>682493189
I know who you're sending since I'm so inquisitive.
But, one question I'm going to ask is, why do I get so tired afterwards when I try to telepathically contact you?

>>682493189
What is your mission exactly and what are some of the more common reasons people choose to become demons?

>>682493803
K thanks, now i need to find me some crossroads

>>682493189
What if the souls arent stolen but received by free will?

Also, one day I will visit you and well have a beer then. If we really do have the potential to be higher up than angels then I guess he wont mind a bit of mingling between higher beings.

did you invent social justice to fuck up the world or did we ?

Kind of weird question, However do you know Anna like me?

Will we ever see another Vampire: The Masquerade - Bloodlines game?

>>682493189
Are you surprised by our responses?

Sorry for grammer, But does Anna like me?

How can I replace you?
Will do a better job tho

I see a lot of Satan threads but I have never seen one ending in 666.

Your shit is weak, Satan.

>>682478852
Should we strive for heaven, or it's best if we try our hand at reincarnation?

>>682493803
What exactly do I do in hell? Cuz I'm pretty sure I'm not going to heaven, so I just wanna prepare myself.

How many Celebrities alive today have sold their soul to you or one of your associates?

>>682493977
>be me
>want to have a dragon lore in cs
>decide to sell soul to devil
>find crossroads
>get hit by car

File: 1461977697968.jpg (63 KB, 800x600) Image search: [Google]

63 KB, 800x600

>>682478852
dude i used to love the movie gremlins. its still ok but not the best movie I've ever seen. anyway. i met this girl who also loves the movie gremlins. she said that it reminds her of her childhood. and for some reason the mogwai really turn her on. i ask how thats possible. the mogwai have absolutely no sexual features. no rounded ass, no raised breasts, no genetalia of any type. could it possibly be the fact that they transform into those slimy green gremlins? what is it? she refused tell me. i spent many nights afterwards watching gremlins and hoping maybe to get turned on a little bit. one night i got half a chub but I've since realized that was most likely just the air conditioner. eventually i couldnt take the mystery anymore. i MUST know what turns her on about the movie gremlins, if for no other reason than i want to be able to fuck a mogwai in the comfort of my own home. why should she be able to get so turned on by gremlins but I'm not even allowed to experience it? i corner her. she backs up. scared. my slow approach has her shaking and asking, "logan, whats gotten into u?" i tell her this is the end of the line. she must tell me why gremlins makes her pussy drip. here and now is the time or she will die by my average sized cock. I can tell that she's finally about to tell me, she's finally about to break. she takes a deep breath and dramatic music begins to play from the lunch room loud speakers across from mrs. shabotski's 5th grade class ( this was the song: http://youtu.be/dPiEVyd3-4k ) above the dulcid tones she tells me the thing i swore never to repeat. but i will tell it to you hear bros. i will tell it to you from my death bed. i will tell you the sexiest thing I've ever heard. that girl lets the real life gizmo live in her pussy. shit gets wild after midnight.

Is reincarnation and applied knowledge the way to a higher being?

>>682494727
That's probably for us to find out.

>>682493825
The human mind has limits, and telepathy is beyond the normal limits. It has a strain.

>>682493850
My mission is to tempt and test you. The idea is that as time passes, you will learn to reject and ignore my temptations, and become better for it.

You humans are a varied bunch. Some hate God and Heaven (I may love God, but most of the other angels who fell genuinely want Him dead), others have an epiphany from their torture in Hell, and want to help others see the errors of their ways and improve. Others just want the torture to end and do it as a sort of community service, others are just sadists, and so on.

>>682494000
Nice trips. And no, God will not care if you mingle with "lower beings". He did so himself once, remember?

And if souls are given freely, that can change things.

>>682494024
A bit of both. I gave a nudge, and you guys ran.

>>682494109
At times, yes.

>>682494233
Talk to God. If he believes you are correct, he may give you the position.

>>682494098
We can only hope.

>>682494177
What does your heart tell you?

>>682494291
That's really up to you. If you want eternal happiness and paradise, go to heaven. But if you're of the mind that life is beautiful because it's fleeting, and that there's something wonderful about the imperfections of mortal life, go for reincarnation, either choice is understandable and respectable.

>>682494354
You live through all of the pain you've caused other people, until you've experienced it all, or you repent, whichever comes first.

>>682494494
A few dozen.

>>682494727
One possible path, the soul can grow much wiser through the added experience.

>>682494573
Lel! That would be a nice outcome if he goes out there fucking around. Probably a good sign.

File: 1380838487880.jpg (192 KB, 706x720) Image search: [Google]

192 KB, 706x720

>>682478852
Satan, pls, I will give you my soul and everything, but pls pls pls, show yourself to me and grant my wish of being happy with the one who left my heart in crumbles. I will serve you for an eternity after. Just pls.

>>682494956
Did you manage to smooth things over with god, or you are still cross at each other?

How do I get a girl to go out with me?

>>682494956
>Talk to God. If he believes you are correct, he may give you the position.
How defuq should I speak to him.
Common be serious devil ya fuck

>>682478852
Welcome home!

I'm doing a story a bout Adam and Eve for class.

Did you seduce Eve as a way to spite God, or was the part of It's Plan?

Do you think God knew Eve would take the apple, or was it always up in the air?

How's Hitler doing?

>>682495023
Will it make her happy, anon? And if not, do you really want to force her to live a life she wouldn't choose for herself?

You know the saying, friend, if you love something, set it free.

>>682495161
I love God, and he loves me.

>>682495188
Depends on the girl. If you want to find a proper match for yourself, be yourself, but if you just want a date, think about the girl and what she likes, then try to do that.

>>682495286
Thanks

>>682495337
It was his plan.

I can't say for certain, but I imagine he knew what Eve would choose, and actually kind of hoped for it.

>>682495270
He always hears you.

>>682495345
He is in great pain and terror.

Am i screwing my life myself or are you doing it or a bit of both ?