[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / biz / c / cgl / ck / cm / co / d / diy / e / fa / fit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mu / n / news / o / out / p / po / pol / qa / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y ] [Home]
4chanarchives logo
Stories of a tard wrangler > Be me > 8 months ago >
Images are sometimes not shown due to bandwidth/network limitations. Refreshing the page usually helps.
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
You are currently reading a thread in /b/ - Random

Thread replies: 255
Thread images: 71
File: images.png (14 KB, 414x355) Image search: [Google]
images.png
14 KB, 414x355
Stories of a tard wrangler

> Be me
> 8 months ago
> Work unable to employ me, exceeded their yearly budget
> Search for new job
> Find one the next day
> "High behaviors" day program
> Friends say you basically get paid to swim and go bowling
> Fuckit.wmv
> Start first day, everyone is nice, learning the ropes
> Get paired with one group including a bloke "Nathaniel"
> Literally a walking shell of a human, occasionally screams and flaps his arms, is never not dribbling
> This man is simply a collection of instinctive actions
> little loud but fuck it hes cool
> Take him to a park
> Nathaniel wanders a little, arms gently flap according to wind speed and trajectory
> hes alright
> Turn my attention to 3 other clients for literally 30 seconds
> No one told me nathaniel is a chronic public masturbator
> Enjoying the sunshine and breeze
> Turn around
> NATHANIEL NO
> In the 30 seconds unsupervised nathaniel is pants down, on a swing, raging erection out, vigorously humping his hand whilst shouting "UGHHH!!! RHGUHH!!
> In a panic, sprint over
> Literally the biggest dick ive ever seen
> I attempt to stop him but he just gets angrier
> "ReeEEEEEE"
> Get a grip on his forarm, establish control and get him the FUCK away from this children's playground
> Nathaniel returns to gentle moaning and arm flapping.

"High behaviors"
>>
please continue op
>>
op pls
>>
File: image.jpg (235 KB, 1920x1080) Image search: [Google]
image.jpg
235 KB, 1920x1080
>>679289606
Continue
>>
Another reason to silence them permanently.
>>
lel.
plz go on.
>>
I think that was it retards
>>
>>679290544
no shit.
he could have more tho
>>
>>679289606
mom works with retards and has for about 15 years lots of fucked up stories
>>
File: image.jpg (35 KB, 535x364) Image search: [Google]
image.jpg
35 KB, 535x364
>>679291128
Listening
>>
Oh boy here we go
>>
File: High Behaviors.png (127 KB, 981x568) Image search: [Google]
High Behaviors.png
127 KB, 981x568
See you @ /r/4chan
>>
>>679291128
I hope she disinfects herself before entering the family home.
>>
when she worked at a sheltered workshop there was one tard who liked boys and use to take them to the toilet and rape them
>>
File: images.jpg (11 KB, 485x274) Image search: [Google]
images.jpg
11 KB, 485x274
7 months ago
> "High behaviors day program"
> Walk into work, everyone says hello albeit with a slight snicker
> Somethings up
> Glare at roster, im paired with "Ben" for the first time.
> 4'11" autistic man, completely unable to talk or feel anything other than his vocal cords vibrate as he yells
> He literally yells every 25-40 seconds at varying wave lengths
> Always like "Ahhhh!!!!"
> Team leader advises me on my mission
> Take him on a train, walk around a botanical garden in the city then train right back
> no problem.exe
> Ben and i walk to the station, his screaming is mild but reasonable
> Few chuckles here and there
> Train arrives, board with minor issue
> Ben HAS to follow his routine, he will not stand for anything out of line
> 2 stops in, people are staring at the aggressive gremlin screaming next to me
> Couple of stares, a few people move
> 1 stop to go
> finally
> Police walk through doors to inspect peoples tickets
> this is not part of bens routine
> He literally BOLTS down the carriage screaming "AHHHHHHHH!!!!!"
>ive lost control
> Children are crying, police are questioning me
> tell them im a tard wrangler and not a molester
> Ben is found 35 minutes later, 6 carriages away
> huddled up next to a 40 year old man practically on the verge of tears
> I grab ben and tell him we're going home
> Never make it to the gardens
>>
>>679291670
I loathe those waste of space creatures.
>>
I work in a pediatric psych ward, I can't imagine working with fucking adults. Its still a bit spooky here and there are always issues, but at least I don't have to deal with 300 pound men.
>>
File: High Behaviors.png (212 KB, 980x1126) Image search: [Google]
High Behaviors.png
212 KB, 980x1126
NO STOPPING ON THE KARMA TRAIN

CHOO CHOO
>>
>>679289606

Tell us more about the huge dicked retard. Did you ever suck him off?
>>
>>679289606
Are you sure you weren't high and playing pikmin?
>>
>>679291670
another story 2 of the retards got married one was a 4 foot nothing downie and the other a 7 foot tard with a cock as big as your arm(mom had to clean them up when they shat themselves)
They supposedly consumated the marraige and the giant cock tard destroyes the downie and she had to got to hospital
>>
File: 7591371.jpg (8 KB, 225x225) Image search: [Google]
7591371.jpg
8 KB, 225x225
> 4 months ago
> I start to realise this day program is seriously flawed
> New assingment, take a group out for lunch in a park
> tooeasy.flv
> Three autistic guys and a guy in a wheel chair
> austistic guys are chill
> wheel chair man, "Steve" can be abrupt at times but i don't mind him
> arrive at the park
> Children frollicking, sun is out
> Get Steve on ground level
> Supply his lunch
> Fuck i get paid for this?
> we're sitting by three children playing nintendo DS
> Their parents are 40 metres away
> Sitting there, feeding the gulls my bread crust
> Behind me i hear a faint yet gentle "Oooooh yes....."
> Nobody told me steve is a pedophile
> Steven has a massive hard on, head back, eyes closed rubbing the outside of his crotch
> He has transcended to another dimension
> Try not to panic kids
> Firmly say "Steve stop!"
> He snaps out of his animlastic demension
> FURIOUSLY tell me to "FUCK OFF" and "I HATE YOU"
> my request has interferred with his orgasm
> fuck, parents are coming, need to bail
> quickly grab the back of his wheelchair and flee
> Steve won't stop screaming, all the while the head of his dick is sticking out of his trousers
> Literally throw his limp body onto the bus and peel off
>>
Posting in epic bread

Continue, OP
>>
>>679293355
Bump
>>
File: High Behaviors.png (280 KB, 980x1640) Image search: [Google]
High Behaviors.png
280 KB, 980x1640
Update
>>
>>679291994

I currently work with 18-24 year old adults whos only disability is a mild intellectual.

The problem is in their upbringing, theyve been raped, tortured, abused and neglected and as a result they have no idea how to hold a job or friendships. You can hold a conversation with them fine but you never know when they might try to take a swing or light you on fire.
>>
This thread reminds me of the guy that worked at the fish and chips place where the tards were carted off to one day.

I can only hope these incidents are related.
>>
>>679293355
I can imagine all those loli loving retards being like this.
>>
>>679293355

Fuck yeah, tell us more about the retards' giant erections.
>>
>>679293355
Should have pushed him into the nearest pond.
>>
>>679293736
You do the Lord's work, good Sir
>>
>>679293749
No, their problem is being retarded. The abuse is just an optional extra.
>>
Waiting for more op
>>
1 month ago

> Old job called me back
> They can afford to hire me again
> Holy shit praise the lord
> Back to working in a group home for 2 girls, 1 guy
> All either austistic or criminally insane
>one girl, Kayla
> 24, obese and constantly angry at me
> Somehow she's been granted the privledge to raise a kitten, Lucy
> She is frightened constantly, always on edge
> This shows what kind of girl she is
> Waddles to the office one day
> here we go....
> "Anon, have you seen my salt shaker?"
> She's surpringly calm
> what kind of fucking question is that
> "No."
> oh. Okay
> She rolls back into her villa
> Think nothing of it, slow night so i log back into runescape to mine some coal
> 1 hour 45 minutes later
> Peaceful mining is broken by a horrific screech
>"REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
> "FUCK YOU CUNT, YOU ALL ARE FUCKING THEIVES"
> Roll eyes, get out of my seat
> im pretty desensitised after 3 months of Ben screaming at me
> "Kayla, why don't you just ca-
> I stop in my tracks.
> she has acquired a can of rexona deoderant and a lighter
> Fucking torches the fly screen door
> "FUCKING FREAKS THIS IS WHAT YOU DESERVE!"
> For the next 15 minutes she burns all the windows (shattering them from heat)
>Pounding on the door to let her in
> heart is pounding
> Police arrive finally
> Drops makeshift flamethrower and starts to bawl her eyes out
> Cops know bs when they see it
> throw handcuffs on her and take her to the station
> she's back 8 hours later
> acts like nothing happens

I need a new job
>>
>>679293749
sounds like pretty much everyone on /b/
>>
>>679294680
She and all her kind need a bullet.
>>
>>679293749
The kids I work with tend to be in the 8-12 range. None of them are "retarded" really, just severely unhinged. Some were abused beforehand though, which exacerbates the problem.
>>
jesus op. also put me in the r/4chan post for no reason
>>
>>679294680

That one didn't even have an erection in it, what the fuck?
>>
How the hell do you manage?
>>
lurking, these stories are brilliant. I miss tard wrangler threads.
>>
File: images.jpg (16 KB, 384x383) Image search: [Google]
images.jpg
16 KB, 384x383
Surprisngly it pays good, better rate per hour than your average job out of uni. You just need at thick skin

This one is tossed around constantly at the day program, i never witnessed it but i heard it enough times to retell it accurately

> 2:30pm, thursday
> time to round up the tards and take them home
> fire up the sped bus
> Have the same three austistic guys (all brothers) and another bloke that makes barking sounds
> Co worker "Tracy" is driving them home today
> Standard run, take them to their houses, they run inside without assitance
> easy done
> She leaves and as far as i know it's a successful run
> come in Friday morning, Tracy starts telling me the horror that unfolded
> One of the austistic guys, John
> Didn't like his surroundings all of a sudden
> Squirmed out of his seatbelt (with a lock)
> pants removed in the process
> as Tracy is sitting in heavy traffic at a light
> John opens the rear sliding door
> Fucking LEGS IT naked from the waist down
> straight across the intersection
> cars coming 70 km/h (43mph)
> toyota camry slams on its breaks, narrowly avoids the naked tard
> Tracy is fucking booking it after him at this stage
> She's chubby but manages to catch him
> He refuses to budge so she literally has to crash tackle him onto the asphalt
> Parents are shielding their kids eyes
> police are no doubt called
> Uses all her strength to wrestle the naked tard back on the bus
> Clips him back in, resumes run
> We later found out we left his bag at the centre, causing the naked rampage
>>
Ok since no one else is posting, i will
>be me
>12 year old in grade 6
>one downy blob in my class
>literally bangs the table when he hears a word with the letter f in it
>eg i say "fish" and he would hit the table
>no idea why
>i see him across the room and he is playing pokemon or some shit
>tell him that there is a real pokemon on the top of the roof, but only if you jump off the roof
>he hits the then asks if im joking
>i tell him im serious
lunch time
>hear a giant wail and went to see what it is and its the downy blob laying there, spazzing out
>goes to hospital or whatever to get cast put on him
next day
>he called me a liar and hit me with the cast
>overtheline.jpg
>we were learning about ecosystems at the time
>im up first
>im doing my project about goldfishes
>start saying goldfishes and the downy blob hits the table
>i say "goldfishes" so many times he fucking breaks the cast on his arm
>runs at me screaming something about summoning exodia
>knocks me over and i got a bruised knee
fucking worth it tho
>>
File: images.jpg (25 KB, 390x377) Image search: [Google]
images.jpg
25 KB, 390x377
>>679295897
Loled at the exodia part
>>
Ausfag here
>be me aged 13 2008 first year of highschool
>downie named ashley
>fat ranga pretty typical
>super nice dude most of the time
>slight tendency to hump girls
>some guys 2 years above us had taught him some tricks
>ashley yells Penis any time he hears the word bird
>does it everytime without fail
>will even say big penis if he hears big bird
>many lols were had
Thats about all i got
>>
>>679295897

So a serious question. Im not form the US and when I see threads like these I keep wondering why are there so many retards in american schools ?
Is it a part of a program or something, It doesnt seem to make it easy for them or for regular students.
>>
>>679296524
No child left behind.
>>
>>679292174
Kek fuck you
>>
File: 1409735209971.jpg (7 KB, 248x170) Image search: [Google]
1409735209971.jpg
7 KB, 248x170
>be me
>elementary school
>had tard named berkley
>berkly was around 6' at 11 years old, around 180lbs
>always referred to himself as "burky"
Berkley was a man of few words, he just said them at different pitches and volumes. Yes, no, Burky, and owl were the only words I ever heard him speak for the 2 years I knew him. He would also intermittently grunt and 'who' like an owl, but his owl call was severely deformed.
>to berkley, owls were the bees fuckin knees
>whenever someone said owl around him, he would start by whispering owl very quietly
>with repetition of owl, he would start saying it back quicker and louder
>would eventually get so loud he would scream it
>berkley would get hyped as shit for owls
>he would jump up from his seat and run around the classroom screaming owl
In retrospect, Berkley probably shouldn't have been allowed his time with the regular classes, but god damn did it generate stories, I can type more if you guys want
pic related, me when berkley would start to say owl
>>
>>679296524
it was an australian school m8
>>
>>679297086
Owl
>>
My elementary school was long as fuck because it was only one floor. Far leftside was pre k and kindergarten, then first and second, then the cafeteria, then third and fourth, then the gym. At the end we had the music room, fifth and sixth grade, and the tards room. I have a lot of experience with tards in later years but I'm on mobile. One of the most memorable was when a black tard (double whammy) tried to steal a school bus.
>>
>>679289606
screencapping this for future sake
>>
File: images.jpg (19 KB, 320x328) Image search: [Google]
images.jpg
19 KB, 320x328
That's it for me tonight guys

See you on r/4chan
>>
>>679297086
I suppose it's also worth mentioning that berkley had a really high pitched voice, so anytime he said anything, it sounded weird anyway, so by the time he was really making weird noises it got even funnier. He also always wore either athletic shorts or sweatpants, with a t-shirt or polo, during cold weather a hoodie or grey raincoat, and sandals with socks. He even wore the shorts shirt combo with the sandals and socks in the public pool when we went as a field trip one day.

>late spring, early summer
>our grade did really well on a school fundraiser, so we got a trip to the pool on the last day of the year
>all the kids showed up in swim clothes on or under regular clothes so that we could get in the pool as fast as possible
>not berkley
>he dives headfirst into the 4' deep water in his relaxed wear outfit
>lifeguards dont say anything, but it's clear he annoys them
>berkley eventually decides to swim to the deep part of the pool where the diving board is
>during his great journey, berkley looses his sandals in the deep end
>starts flailing about and screaming in the water due to his lost footwear
>lifeguard jumps in b/c he thinks berkley is drowning
>this poor man, he has no idea
>all the kids within earshot of berkley start saying owl as loudly as possible without alerting the teachers on the other side of the pool
>in his already agitated state, berkley is quickly excited
cont
>>
anyone got screen capped stories of that tard and chicken tendies?
>>
>>679296524
Tard parents want their kids in regular school so they feel like they got nirmal kids or cant afford special schools (even though the government pays for like 95% of it).
>>
File: 1415610765535.jpg (27 KB, 512x384) Image search: [Google]
1415610765535.jpg
27 KB, 512x384
>>679298142
>berkley starts to flail harder, screaming owl and whooing
>the pure look of terror on the lifeguards face (pic related)
>berkley starts to drag the lifeguard down with him
>three more lifeguards get in, trying to get berkley out of the water
>the fools, mere mortals can't comprehend the wrath of Berkley, Lord of Owls
>using his tard strength, Berkley flaps his arms, getting angrier and angrier at the lifeguards trying to contain him
>he starts screeching and hitting them
>like a chubby fighting machine he annihilates the lifeguards
>his arms are just blurs of movement, he hits all of them repeatedly
>takes them almost 5 minutes just to hold onto him and get him into shallow water
>big mistake, he can use his weight more effectively
>throws himself onto the first lifeguard, bites down into his shoulder
>lifeguard retreats to land
> takes 5 or so lifeguards to eventually get him out of the water
>lifeguard that got bit had to be taken to the hospital
I've got more if anyone's still here, if not i'll start a new thread when i wake up
>>
i wanna join the reddit post!
>>
>>679298922
NIce dubs
Cont please
>>
>>679298922
go on
>>
>>679298922
Fuck yeah. I want to hear more of the "owltimate" tard champion
>>
File: hana approves.png (150 KB, 300x300) Image search: [Google]
hana approves.png
150 KB, 300x300
>>679298922
please
>>
>>679298922
keep going dude i'm fucking lovin this!
>>
>>679299052
>>679299088
>>679299090
The Owl Lord smiles upon us all today my friends
I'll let you guys choose which ones i'll tell, first response gets it
>the flight of the owl
>Zero Mission
>school dance
>the bathroom of horrors
Those are the most fresh in my memory. If i remember more i'll post them too
>>
>>679289606
you sure this guy's name wasn't donald?
>>
>>679299348
bathroom of horrors
>>
>>679299348
it's the same, just move
>>
>>679299348
Flight of the owl
>>
File: Drills.jpg (29 KB, 344x472) Image search: [Google]
Drills.jpg
29 KB, 344x472
>>679299348
Post all of them
>>
>>679299348
Bathroom of horrors
>>
>>679291543
Faggot
>>
>>679291994
yeah, when they're that badly handicapped they really need to be castrated by law at/before puberty and given a medication that stunts growth for the safety of the rest of the world.

i mean, i know it's dark to think of but when theyre that big and that hormonally driven they become actual hazards to society.
>>
>>679299457
Bathroom of Horrors it is
A little more preface, the class the me and Berkley shared most often was math with based Mr. Bell. I saw him all over the school, but this is where most of the contact happened.
>be halfway through my second year with burky
>be in math
>bathroom rule was you had to wait for whoever went to come back before you could go
>berkley was the exception, if he needed to go, he went, stopping him was not a good idea
>he left maybe 5 minutes into class
>about 15 minutes later, i needed to go
>ask Mr. Bell if i could, he says since berkley is in there, i could but i need to make sure he came back with me
>dont like it, but i'm prairie doggin
>outside of bathroom i hear weird noises
>go in completely unprepared for what awaited me
>there's shit on the floor in a line from the door to the last stall
>not watery shit either
>turds maybe 5 inches or so about a foot apart from the door to the stall
>see berkley's trademark sweatpants on the floor outside the stall
>hear him making these weird half groans half whoo's
>door is ajar, approach slowly
>see berkley squatting in the toilet, shit piled up around his feet, knees spread apart, rubbing the shit onto his dick
>vomit instantly
>noise of my vomit gets his attention, he was really focused on his shit rubbin
>start crying because vomitting hurt, not sure what's going on
>berkley starts screeching and whooing
cont
>>
>>679299817
someones rowdy
>>
File: 1449475285062.gif (2 MB, 390x520) Image search: [Google]
1449475285062.gif
2 MB, 390x520
>>679300267
>>
File: 1460381530421.jpg (31 KB, 400x542) Image search: [Google]
1460381530421.jpg
31 KB, 400x542
>>679300267
Whut
>>
File: hulksta.png (174 KB, 398x229) Image search: [Google]
hulksta.png
174 KB, 398x229
I have one
>be in primary school, age 8
>retarded kid in my school
>his name was David
>not only was he retarded, he was a fucking asshole
>everyone hated him
>no one wanted to play with him
>one day we are playing a game that involved being in a small area of the field
>you had to close your eyes and try and tag people
>everyone who was 'it' secretly just cheated by squinting so they could barely
>david shows up and asks if he could play
>being annoying as fuck and wouldn't go away
>sure Dave, you're it though
>I decide to spin him for good measure, tell him it was part of the game
>he starts looking for us, no doubt using his tard sonar
>he hears me moving behind him
>straight charges at me, neck first chuckling as he runs
>I move expecting him to be cheating so that he could see me
>he couldn't
>carries on charging in that direction
>runs head first in to a wall
>I go and look at him
>starts seizing up and puking
>teachers run over
>WHAT DID YOU DO ANON?
>mfw
>>
>>679300674
Kek
>>
I worked a similar job at a residentual facility dor wards of the state for a while. I quit after I was offered a blow job from a pubescent 12 year old girl born with fetal alcohol syndrome, autism, mild mental rtardation. She had been pimped out since the age of 8.

Incredible body.

I still fap thinking about her 15 years later. I wish I could find her now.
>>
File: 1438958698333s.jpg (39 KB, 357x432) Image search: [Google]
1438958698333s.jpg
39 KB, 357x432
>>679300674
>tard sonar
>>
All of elementary and middle school I was put in classes with the tards due to dyslexia. System was fucked.

A lot of stories are true, but some are kind of normal.

Most are just niggers who nig and therefore are put in there to avoid them nigging everything up

Black to white ratio was 7.2
>>
>>679300267
sorry that i type slow, ill try to speed it up, may have some grammar issues
>berkley stands up, continuing to rub shit into his fully erect dick
>screeching, he steps down out of the toilet, he's still wearing his sandals and socks
>bowl is literally full of shit
>i still dont understand how he could contain that much feces
>berkley starts walking towards me, i turn and try to bolt
>almost slip in his shit on the floor
>dont get any on me, but i still fall
>hit the wall and slide on the tile
>cant control my slide and end up in the corner to the right of the door by the urinals
>shitowl is still advancing, whooing and playing with his shitty dick
>our combined cries had apparently attracted my teacher from down the hall
>he's a big guy, something like 300 lbs, but he booked it down the hall and threw open the door
>burky will only listen to Mr Bell
>he tells berkley to go to the opposite wall
I'll do Zero Mission next
>berkley makes a displeased noise, but does it
>he gets me out the bathroom and gets the principal to let me go home for the day
>Rocky Bell saved my life that day
>>
>>679300866
that story was so fucked up and unsettling on so many levels that it negated your dubs. I just want you to know that.
>>
>>679301167
Hi, I'm Chris. What's your name?
>>
>Be me
>Nine or ten
>Playing kickball during recess
>Tiny bladder activates
>Go inside to piss
>Closest bathroom is the younger kids one, has a fucking trough to piss in.
>Walks up and pulls down shorts
>Commando.jpg
>Older tard walks in and stands next to me as I unsheath my weapon
>Legs touching
>Penis.exe has stopped responding
>Stand awkwardly, not gonna let someone watch me piss like a whore
>Tard suddenly grabs my manhood
>Freak out and push him
>He slips, probably on some kids piss
>I dash out and disregard the thud
>End up pissing outside
>Freedom has never felt so good

Turns out he cracked his head or some shit. I doubt it did did more harm than good. I never got in trouble for it, but he vanished the next year because he brought pizza of himself to school and showed it off. Not sure what the fuck was up with that tard.
>>
There was an entire family of mental cases in my hometown. Their oldest son had become a druggie, compulsive criminal and all-around too retarded for civilization. Yet he was the "healthiest" of the bunch.

The children of the family never had a chance to play outside their family, because both their parents were psychotically paranoid about being cheated by anyone. When they were committed they had to be put in separate rooms because every time the father saw another man he would start raging that he was going to steal his wife, and every time the mother saw another woman she would start screaming about the whore trying to seduce her husband.

Their younger son was the poorest case of them all, as he had literally no self-agency whatsoever. He did literally nothing without being told to, which included shitting/pissing himself if no one told him to go to the bathroom. When told to go to the bathroom AND to pee in the toilet, he would just continue to stand there with his dick in his hands until someone ordered him to do something else.
>>
In tard classes it's completely segregated and it take years yo "earn" being one even one normal class.

Any sort of mental health issue, or behavior issue is sent threre.

Kids with ADD/ADHD in same classes as kids like Burky, King Of Owls.


It's just a dumping ground and keeps em out of the public. It eats your childhood, and doesn't allow kids to learn vauable social skills.

Plus the pharmaceutical JEWS pump them full of pills
>>
File: 1410655884776.png (98 KB, 600x500) Image search: [Google]
1410655884776.png
98 KB, 600x500
>>679300988
damn i didnt notice i didnt click in the bottom after doing captcha
Zero Mission was the first time i met burky
>first day of class in 4th grade, had just moved from Indiana to Arkansas
>was super pissed that i had to be at elementary school for 2 more years due to how the schools are separated
>going around the class introducing ourselves
>berkley gets to go first with the two other tards
>have a story or two about them, but they're not very good since one had severe cerebral palsy and the other one was just a nice kid who was just pretty autistic
>for his introduction, berkley waved at the class, said "burky" very quietly, looking down the whole time
>his bashful front was simply hiding the unnatural being beneath
>about ten minutes later, class is still introducing themselves
>berkley is in the corner reading books off the bookshelf
>one is a book about owls, one of the ones that has all the big pictures and lots of easy facts and shit
>starts quietly moaning owl to the book
>his wrangler hears him, and goes full panic mode
>teacher tells her that it'll be fine, oh how little she knows
>berkley starts getting more and more into it, he starts whooing
>i've been watching him the whole time, i knew something was amiss about him
>he starts getting more and more excited about the book
>he stands up, rolls up the book, sticks it in his pocket, and jumps onto his chair
cont
mfw he started freaking out
>>
>>679298922
Keep going
>>
There was a rumor around my school that this tard girl was really in her 20s. Her name was lashelle (white girl) and she was a midget. I assume that rumor was false, but who knows?
>>
>>679301962
You're trying to make conversation? What's the point of your post? Are you....retarded?
>>
>>679301167
that story earned its dubs.
>>
>>679295897
Somebody better be screencapping these
>>
My gf works with schizofrenics, autists and mild retardcy.
>caught schizo jerking behind her
>caught retards naked trying to fuck (but they couldn't figure out how).

It is worth mentioning that I beat the 26 year old schizo and he's no longer in the programe. Gf told me I'm a WORLDSTAR.
>>
>>679302122
Every one here is retarded, I was just contributing. She had a heavy lisp and I thought her name was really Michelle forever. People bitched about making fun of her lisp when they called her by her actual name.
>>
>>679301436
>Gets offered a friendly handjob from a tard
>Kills him

Nice job faggot.
>>
It's funny that the most retarded site on the internet is making fun of retards.
>>
>>679302710
Some of us are functional retards with paying jobs who pay taxes.
>>
>>679301908
>burky flaps his arm like a bird, whooing, and jumping
>wrangler and teacher get him to sit down
>berkley behaves for about 5 minutes, and then starts looking at his book again
>it starts to take hold again, he instantly starts whooing at medium volume
>teacher and wrangler try to get him to stop
>itstoolate.png
>their discouraging words only make him more adamant about his owl calls
>starts doing them louder and louder, drowning out their voices
>he starts doing a power walk around the room staring intently at his book, whooing
>tard wrangler steps in his way, and snatches the book out of his hands
>berkley doesn't like it one fucking bit
>lightly kicks hers, takes his book back, turns around, and tries to walk away
>wrangler makes her last mistake, and grabs the book again before he gets out of arms reach
>berkley fuckin goes off
>tackles her to the ground, hits her with the book, whooing and yelling "Burky Owl" over and over
>he runs back over to the book cases, and climbs on top(they were only like 4 or 5 ft tall)
>teacher calls principal on the room's phone and goes over to try and get berkley down
>he whoos and starts moaning "nooooo"
>his high pitched whine of a response makes half the class bust up
>berkley tries to climb down when the principal shows up, but ends up falling
>he takes the book shelf with him
>lying under the shelf, book in hand, the smug bastard says owl one more time before he gets hauled out of the room
i'll do school dance next
>>
>>679289606
I got a weird/sad one from elementary with a fucked up epilogue.

Around first grade I became aware of a kid, we'll call him Corey. Corey looked a little like the banjo playing guy in deliverance. Smooth face, big forehead, slanted squinty eyes set far apart. Had a nasty mass of red ratty hair. Corey's idea of socializing was to tease people until they beat him. He also had a habit of shitting himself, picking his nose/eating his boogers no matter what, and a total immunity to learning anything. He still didn't completely grasp the difference between addition and subtraction by 5th grade and was totally illiterate.

All that aside, when he wasnt being irritating he was just a lonely, shrimpy little kid. He had all these brothers though. one in every grade stretching upwards or downwards of him. The older brothers looked more normal aside from the de-facto lack of hygene. The two younger ones were really bad off. His youngest brother looked like a shriveled cheeto in a wheelchair. One day in 5th grade he just stopped coming to school with corey. Corey didn't answer anybody's questions about it, ours or the teachers. Aside from his fights getting more frequent he got incredibly quiet.

Long story short, CPS finally got involved and found out that Corey and all his brothers were incest children bred by a dad/daughter/brother/mother group on the edge of town. they lived in a few broken trailers filled with trash with no running water. They lived like animals. I'm pretty sure corey's little brother probably got sick/died and the family just buried/discarded the body.

fucked up shit.
>>
>>679302845
Who can people say NEETs are unemployed when they are masters of making bait if this calibre?
>>
>>679302845
yeah, if you can be trained to have manners, a conscience, and behave like a human being even when nobody's monitoring you then you're fine. It's the ones that are nothing but instinct and impulse on two legs. Those fuckers need to be caged and thrown into the ocean.
>>
File: image.jpg (67 KB, 600x399) Image search: [Google]
image.jpg
67 KB, 600x399
I got one from last year
> be me, 18 senior year in highschool
> be taking a college credit public speech class so I don't have to take one in college (it's required where I am)
> Amerifag, so untermesch are intermixed with the übermensch
> tard named Nathaniel, severely autistic, obsessed with tigers
> first speech of the year, 3-4min target about anything you want, just has to be coherent
> nathaniels goes pretty well, his is about tigers, and it's relatively easy to understand, little long though
> his speech is about the importance of tiger conservation
> suddenly takes a turn for the worst
"I have three cats! They are twilIIGHT rARITYY and CELESTIAAa"
> class kind of stares at him awkwardly
> only about three people realize what he said
> it gets worse
"I like RArity the best because SHES NOT Fixxed and I LIKE it when she's in heat beCause her warm spo-"
> tard guard stops him
>>
>>679303311
>Those fuckers need to be caged and thrown into the ocean.

Then what is the difference between us and ISIS?
>>
>>679303543
I don't know. Suicide bombers?
>>
Has anyone else noticed the amount of dubs in this thread? I mean, goddamn...
>>
>>679303543
We're white.
>>
>>679303543
we don't need to explain or excuse our behavior, we have a nuclear stockpile and military budget that would make vladmir putin blush. We don't negotiate, people negotiate with us.
>>
>>679303637
>>679303664
You guys know what I'm referring to. Live peaces of meat who produce only shit need to be taken care off in a modern society like ours (Euro or American)
>>
>>679303893
Fuck yes WE FEED ON THE BLOOD OF THE MUSLIM WORLD
>>
>>679303543
ISIS does it to gain something, we do it to get rid of something
>>
>last day of fourth grade
>live in pretty hispanic dominated town, if you're in NWA you probably know which one
>went to the elementary school that most of the hispanic kids went to since that was the closest one to my house, even though i didnt live near any of the hispanic neighborhoods
>as a result, the school dances were modeled after hispanic bailes since that's what most of the kids would be used to
>the tards always went, probably so they could feel like normal kids, thinking back it was actually really sad, since none of us really interacted with them anyway, so it probably just made them uncomfortable
>berkley was the exception however
>our avian lord was a party animal
>would sometimes dance like the rest of the kids, and other times would do this weird hopping motion, but his feet never left the floor, like he was jumping but with no upward movement
>all the qt hispanic girls would dance with him to make him happy
>fucker had a harem of all the cutest girls
>most of the night went by fine, berkley whoo'd some, but the wranglers let it slide since he was being good
>about an hour and a half into the two hour dance berkley wanted to dance with a girl who was one of my friends
>she didn't want to dance with him because she said he smelled, and to be fair she was right
>berkley didn't like to be denied his pleasures
cont
>>
>>679304056
Nathaniel (tiger guy from post above)
Went to homecoming at one point, that was rough for him. No one talked to him
>>
>>679304056
Rape
>>
Has anyone fucked a tard ?? Serious question. I don't mean rape but I don't no how consent would work ? Can you fuck a tard legally ?
>>
>>679303976
well, that seems a little parasitic doesnt it? we dont -need- muslim oil but it's a helluva lot cheaper and means we dont need to burn our own.
>>
>>679304056
>our avian lord
kek'd so fucking hard
>>
>>679304525
In America what kind of fucked up economy theory teach you? Supply and demand has no meaning for Billy Bob, does it?
>>
File: stopbeingafaggot.jpg (8 KB, 299x168) Image search: [Google]
stopbeingafaggot.jpg
8 KB, 299x168
>>679304724
new fag?
>>
>>679304859
im not dignifying this with an answer. ive long since learned not to try explaining capitalism to a socialist. sorry your country sucks tho bro
>>
>>679305086
> I'm not dignifying this with an answer

Kek
>>
>>679304056
i sense danger
>>
>>679304056
pls gib mor burkli
>>
File: doge.jpg (15 KB, 435x332) Image search: [Google]
doge.jpg
15 KB, 435x332
>>679304419
Reminded me of classic tard story as told by best friend. The tale of skittles.

>ghetto high school
>filled with edgy slut underclassmen
>enter heroine, chubby slutty chick nobody wanted to be within 15ft of
>in walks hero
>tard bear wonder
>never leaves home without fedora
>moans to talk, can utter few words
>decides to go to bathroom to eat his daily skittles
>In walks girl
>snatches bag of skittles from tard beard
Dont anger the beasts guys
>tard attempts to hit girl before she snatches his junk
>"Ill take this as payment for blowjob"
>gives tard head in middle of hallway
>gets scared and stops when people show up
>whole scene on security camera, suspensions for all
>>
>>679305086
Your lack of education hurt me. Luckily, I will check my feelings for free at the hospital after I will finish the classes at the free college I'm attending without the risk of getting shot.
>>
>11 years old
>Coming in from recess to go to auditorium
>Teacher was helping with talent show or some shit
>Walk past bathroom
>One huge sink outside the bathrooms
>See younger tard
>Probably a year or two younger
>He is standing in front of the sink, facing out
>Holding shirt up
>Shorts around his ankles
>What looks like a diaper around his knees
>Pokerface.png
>Walk past him uncomfortable
>Several girls giggle or stop, first time seeing a penis
>I continue walking and forget about it

My school had them in a separate class but I still saw their autism occasionally. We had gym together a lot.
>>
>>679305665
lol enjoy your state-run propaganda college and hoping you don't ever get a serious illness that needs treatment in less than 5 months.
>>
File: 1410658368192.jpg (71 KB, 534x664) Image search: [Google]
1410658368192.jpg
71 KB, 534x664
>>679304056
ugh typed it up, but it didnt post i guess
>friend tried to walk away, the poor girl
>burky grabs her arm, she freaks out and tries to pull away, to no avail
>Strigiformes Sapien starts to flap his free arm, whooing
>he pulls her through the crowd barreling through kids
>the entire time the perfect music to accompany his mating ritual was hispanic dance music
>doesn't look like he's heading anywhere, but eventually stops
>he starts whooing really loudly, and drops trow
>his wrangler notices, and starts moving towards him (the old one quit and sued the school)
>berkley shits on the floor, pulls up his pants, still holding onto my friend, picks it up, and offers it to her
>she passes out, most likely from being too aroused
>berkley is still holding her up, so she hasn't fallen yet
>he shakes her a few times, and then drops her like a sack of potatos
>looks at the shit in his hand, sniffs it, and shakes it off, ends up landing on the girl
>berkley is escorted out, as he parties too hard
>mfw grabbed her
>>
>>679306553
I already am, thanks. Enjoy your debt until you die, anon.
>>
File: 1460482906968.png (32 KB, 272x200) Image search: [Google]
1460482906968.png
32 KB, 272x200
>>679304056
this is killing me.
R A P E
A
P
E
>>
File: High Behaviors.png (371 KB, 976x2394) Image search: [Google]
High Behaviors.png
371 KB, 976x2394
>>679294680
>>679293355
>>679291716
>>679289606

UPDATE
>>679291543
>>679292174
>>679293736
>>
Please more storied I NEED THEM
>>
>>679306752
lol we sold that shit to china along with as many menial manufacturing jobs as we could that haven't already been replaced by robots. with a little luck and determination we'll be rid of the poor by 2020.
>>
flight of the owl, NOW
>>
>>679291994
I'm at work at a inpatient psych facilty. I've restrained plenty off adults (some more than 300 pounds) and occasionally children. The only time I've been sent to the hospital by a patient was a 12 y/o tard with schizoid shit going on. That fucker got mad because I told him it was late and time to turn the TV off. He ripped the shroud off of drinking fountain and threw it me/staff. He kicked me full on in the head while we were restraining him. Had a bad concussion from it.

Beware of the tard strength
>>
File: 1409734796782.png (589 KB, 973x1053) Image search: [Google]
1409734796782.png
589 KB, 973x1053
Flight of the Owl
>be in Mr. Bell's class
>learning fractions and shit
>Berkley is sitting in the corner with the 2 other tards, just staring into the middle distance
>he looks like a Vietnam vet with the 1000 yard stare
>all the kids knew that if you said owl, he'd start getting excited, so on boring days we'd all try to whisper it to him, and rile him up without being caught
>if you got caught mentioning owl to berkley, you could get suspended
>thus, it turned into an art form to get him to ascend into his god form
>i was the best there was
>it took months, but i was able to teach him that if put my hands in my armpits and flapped my elbows, it meant owl
>he would get just as excited as if you had said it
>i would sit facing him, and cross my arms, so on slow days, i could spice it up with some Avian Action and not get in trouble for it
>get berkley's attention by throwing bits of pencil eraser at him, which was risky, but i had made him into an ally with fruit snacks earlier in the week
>start flapping my arms to entice him
>his eyes opened all the way and he just watched me for a minute, i had never used the owl signal in class before, so i can only assume that the change in setting had confused him for a moment
>but only for a moment
>we were in between the transparency worksheets on the projector, so it was quiet in the room
>very softly, a whoo started at the bottom of berkley's chest
>our lord cometh
>mfw
cont
>>
>>679291716
Varge of tears because of laughter?
>>
>>679294680
The cat's OK?
>>
I need nore berkley xdddddddd nice maymay!
>>
File: 1455618864575.jpg (8 KB, 212x237) Image search: [Google]
1455618864575.jpg
8 KB, 212x237
Moar
>>
File: IMG-20160413-WA0002.jpg (9 KB, 206x191) Image search: [Google]
IMG-20160413-WA0002.jpg
9 KB, 206x191
Moar and I love you
>>
File: 1409735768651.jpg (5 KB, 126x126) Image search: [Google]
1409735768651.jpg
5 KB, 126x126
>>679307884
Berkley sat at the back of the room, so if he had an episode, he could be escorted out quickly
>Mr. Bell had yet to hear the call of the owl
>i kept flapping my arms, trying to get burky to pull some shit
>Berkley whoo'd loudly, which got the teacher's attention
>Mr bell told him to be quiet, that it was time to learn, and if he wanted to play it would have to wait till recess
>Berkley very calmly made eye contact with me, and then with our teacher, stood up, and yelled louder than i thought was possible, "NO"
>berkley got up, and started to move towards the door
>Mr bell moved in between him and the door
>berkley did not approve
>berkley turned 180 and went to go to the window, but mr bell intercepted him again
>this was all part of the plan
>berkley made a mad dash for the door, whooing and screeching
>he disappeared into the hallway, and was gone for almost 15 minutes
>he came sprinting back into the room with a stuffed owl from the tard room
>"YES OWL"
>berkley starts kicking over the desks, trying to relieve his infinite anger
>Mr bell tries to stop him, but it's a futile effort
>berkley dodges every attempt at grabbing him, and books it out of the room again, and this time Mr Bell chases after him rather than calling the office to catch him
>we dont know what to do, so we all just chill
>one kid sees berkley in the parking lot through the window
>5 staff are chasing him through the parking lot
>he has shed all of his clothing, save for the socks
>mfw
cont
>>
File: 1133912769973.jpg (19 KB, 199x159) Image search: [Google]
1133912769973.jpg
19 KB, 199x159
don't you dare 4O4 on me bitch
>>
bump-o
>>
Bump for berkly
>>
>>679309555
fight for holy trips!
>>
I won't sleep until I know how the flight of the owl goes
>>
Bump for Avian Lord
>>
>>679302419
Why were you there?
>>
File: 467638.jpg (21 KB, 400x353) Image search: [Google]
467638.jpg
21 KB, 400x353
>>679307884
>>679309545
moar
>>
Remembered something from primary school

>be me 11-12 years old
>forced to attend youth club after school
>need to shit so off I go to the toilet
>hear shouting from within mixed with laughter
>as soon as I step in 3 kids from the years below run out leaving me and this kid Chris in the toilets
>Chris is one of those quiet but fucked up kids that seem normal from a distance
>Chris is laughing and squating over a urinal filling it with shit
>noped right out of there as the water started to clean the urinals
>>
>>679309545
Why is this fucking mong allowed in the normal education system?

Who is feeding it? Kinder just to let it die.
>>
File: 3200566.jpg (18 KB, 338x267) Image search: [Google]
3200566.jpg
18 KB, 338x267
>>679309586
More like hurrrkly imirite?
>>
>>679309925
He's in the program
>>
>>679303417
When she's in heat?
>>
>>679310389
when animals (especially mammals) are in that time of year when they feel the need to reproduce
>>
>>679310389
when she's fucking horny, idiot
>>
>>679305641
Was she hot? How long was the bj?
>>
File: 1458590284795.jpg (2 MB, 5000x2674) Image search: [Google]
1458590284795.jpg
2 MB, 5000x2674
>>
File: 1409735423909.jpg (14 KB, 300x323) Image search: [Google]
1409735423909.jpg
14 KB, 300x323
Im gonna finish this one and then head to sleep, if someone can screencap this i'll start a new thread later tonight
>berkley dodging through cars, evading all attempts to catch him
>berkley works his way out towards the street, and books it to the church across the way, naked but socked, with staff in tow
>our class got joined with the one next to it and we got to watch a movie
>berkley eventually was spotted out in the parking lot maybe 40 minutes later, out of breath, shuffling his feet, staff nowhere to be seen
>our lord has successfully avoided capture
>he comes back into the school, so i poke my head into the hall
>see him go to the bathroom, ask teacher if i can go to the restroom, as she hasn't seen him yet, then head out
>i still to this day dont understand why i wanted to be in the same room as him, but i did
>stopped outside the bathroom, listening to see if it's safe
>dont hear anything, so i go in
>burky is passed out on the floor, covered in shit
>mfw
>staff trickled in over the next 15 minutes or so
>>679310231
no child left behind is a bitch
>>
>>679310750
only a few seconds if i remember.

Like a 40 y/o soccer mom hairstyle on a blotchy latino
>>
>>679306674
How did the suing go? And what happened with the chick after?
>>
>>679310975
i think she settled out of court, but i dont really remember
>>
>>679310869
don't you feel like a useless piece of shit for all of this? taking advantage of people with mental issues?

have you considered killing yourself?
>>
>>679310869
Thank you for all the laughs!
>>
>>679311253
nah, fuck em, they shouldnt be alive anyway.
Berkley was not a human, and anyone who thinks so better pray they dont find out otherwise
>>
>>679311417
>ITT: edgy retarded teen trying to feel superior to other retarded people
>>
>>679311556
no, berkley was past the point of being retarded. He was completely dependent on his wrangler and social workers to stay alive. he got a lot worse about a year after he stopped going to school with regular kids, and i will tell that story tonight, See ya guys
>>
>>679311556
Dude >>679311417 is a linguistic genius. If you can't tell by the amazing verbiage and sensational story telling, you're the retard.

Props the the teller of Berkley The Owl Tard!
>>
>>679311818
again, don't feel like a little crap for taking advantage on him?

i found the story funny too, but god, show some fucking decency
>>
>>679310389
You must be 18 to post here.
>>
This thread is one of the funniest ones I've been on for awhile.
>>
>>679310869
Fucking hell m8 im in tears be it all fake or true
>>
File: 1447617124682.png (582 KB, 1576x5600) Image search: [Google]
1447617124682.png
582 KB, 1576x5600
>>679304419
>>
Some of you might remember this story, I'll continue it with more details along with >>679311818

>be me, highs Choo
>tard kid, now that I think about it school-shooter type edgy
>he's a frashmen, and I'm almost gone, so whatever
>tard likes mlp, dubstep, calls himself 'emo dj pony'
>everybody cringes at his faggotry
>he loves to play music, everybody despises it
>he has some decently loud music, and plays it at lunch
> there's a circle of space decently around him, people avoiding 'music'
>he goes near the bandroom where I avoid his music, but usually ate
>bro/10 guy playing base guitar because he could
>tard hears music
>asks band director if it's ok to borrow the amps
ohshitniggerwhatareyoudoing.no
>says yes
>people now evacuate the lunch room
>trash from lunches litter the school
>lunch time cut by 10 muinites
>everybody tells office to get him to stop
>offive wants to be pc, so they move him to the outside
>everybody migrated to the lunch room now
>those who couldn't fit in the lunch room suffered
>people block the cracks in doors that let sound in


I left the school, but I had bro/10 check up on the school after I was gone
>>
>>679313287
That was a hell of a ride anon
>>
>>679313287
fuck m8, my feelings
>>
File: omfg yes.jpg (8 KB, 250x232) Image search: [Google]
omfg yes.jpg
8 KB, 250x232
fuck I kek'd so hard
>>
>be me
>go to take a piss
> mongoloid\10 in restroom
> no fucking pants on
>laying on floor
>he's trying to fuck the floor
>>
>>679314894
BANE?!
>>
>>679291543
You are such a faggot. Keep OC on 4chan. SHIT LIKE THIS IS THE CANCER KILLING /b/
>>
>>679315622
b is a corpse of its former self
There is no reviving ir
>>
>>679315849
For the most part it's dead, but there's great OC that pops up once every few days and then some faggot has to cap it for his sub reddit faggot club so I can get reposted to a "best of 4chan" Facebook page to be shared by everyone. Keep /b/ pure. Keep our stories and our creations here.
>>
File: images%20(49).jpg (6 KB, 194x259) Image search: [Google]
images%20(49).jpg
6 KB, 194x259
> be me 10 years old
> share lunch period with tard class
> one tard named Scotty one tard named Bob
> Bob has palsy or some shit,Scotty has the downs
> Bob is drooling chocolate milk all over electronic wheelchair and mashing banana in his hand.gif
>Scotty don't like Bob or bananas
>Scotty starts screeching Nana Bob Nana Bob .mp3
> Bob now freaking out shooting chocolate milk out his nose onto Scotty.
> batter up Scotty. PNG
> Scotty cocks back full downs mutant strength in effect.
> jams un peeled banana into Bob's eye.
>oh shit web.m
>Bob smacks Scotty in his lowered ears with banana palsy hand.
> Scotty mad now jumps on Bob in his hawking chair
>Bob and Scotty now doing donuts in tard chair in middle of cafeteria Scotty going full throttle into Bob's stomach with fists of fury
> Scotty's sweatpants get caught up in tard chair wheel and get pulled down to his ankles with ass in air
> mfw Scotty has huge shit log in whitey tighties poking out leg hole
>Bob grabs doo doo butter with banana covered palsy hand and smears shit on Scotty's mouth and in eyes while tard machine still rotating 360
> ding ding ding! Here come tard wranglers Scotty likes one tard wrangler a whole lot
> Scotty cocks back and punches Bob right in throat before tard wrangler gets Scotty untangled from hawkingmobile.
>Scotty gives tard wrangler big kiss with shit covered face. Tards get carted out of cafeteria and get hosed down.
>>
>>679303033

Fuck..
>>
File: deaf_wife_story.jpg (452 KB, 2278x1687) Image search: [Google]
deaf_wife_story.jpg
452 KB, 2278x1687
Not a tard story (Girl is Deaf) but it's a nice one
>>
File: blindGF.png (570 KB, 1892x3811) Image search: [Google]
blindGF.png
570 KB, 1892x3811
This story has tards in it but only a little
>>
>>679303974

This is true. There are 2 reasons this genre of thread is so popular on 4chan.

1. This type of work always attracts NEET retards with no qualifications/skills
2. Retards can feel superior to other retards
>>
File: image.jpg (89 KB, 552x459) Image search: [Google]
image.jpg
89 KB, 552x459
>>679313287
Nala dindu nuffin to nowun.
>>
>>679296359
It's not on mate, it's not on.
>>
>>679296524
you couldn't tell this was aussie banter?
>>
Put me in the reddit screencap please.
>>
I worked as a tard keeper (guard) at schools and at their gatherings, can share some stories if I fit the criteria
>>
>>679306857
Godspeed anon
>>
>>679315622
https://www.reddit.com/r/4chan/comments/4eqj2n/story_of_a_tard_wrangler/
It's too late, he got his karma the screencapping cunt.
>>
>>679320201
Go ahead
>>
>>679320488
Ok, get ready, gonna type it out then paste, keep the thread alive
>>
File: image.jpg (84 KB, 798x437) Image search: [Google]
image.jpg
84 KB, 798x437
Any get a screen cap of the Burky posts? Not a reddit faggot, just want it for personal reference and keks.
>>
>>679320945

Then do it yourself faggot
>>
>>679321575
On my phone.
>>
>>679291543
8/8 gr8 b8 m8
>>
File: 1459416041640.jpg (53 KB, 383x526) Image search: [Google]
1459416041640.jpg
53 KB, 383x526
>>679307884
Our Lord comith @.@
>>
>25 yrs old then, degree in psych
>can't nail a job coz women started getting rights to abuse just about then in my country
>had to get a doctorate
>few yrs later
>got doctorate, apply for a few jobs
>get a call for an interview the next day
>intstitutions called "tard clinics" exist here, TL;DR they take care of tards of all ages
>seems nice, got the knowledge, why not.jpg
>get there, interview time
>get offered job as a keeper, guard, however you call it
>refuse in a less then a second, did not get a doctorate for this
>agree to do it only if they pay me more (as if I worked according to my degree)
>they comply
>first day at work
>tards are grouped by some weird criteria, every group gets a leader and a keeper
>get four tards and a feminazi leader
>feminazi is a typical oversized-glasses-whale-muhoppression type
>decide to ignore her
>first tard is an autistic guy, mid-20s, did not say a word at all ever, played with some hungarian cards all the time, moaned when he needed to go to WC
>second was another autist, but a girl, no eye contact, spoke a few words, loved roses and flower petals in general, cool kid tbh
>third was a guy with CP, very calm and good conversationalist, but did not spend much time with him over the course of my "career" there
>and finally, the glorious bastard we will call Frank
>Frank was a mild autist, but had more problems with Tourettes
>movies lie, they don't just swear all the time, but have those sudden bursts of whatever their Tourettes dictates
>even had a sense of humor, would sometimes get sarcasm
>didn't like him at first, and I could tell he didn't like me
>but little did we know...

continues
>>
>>679322204
Go on... :^)
>>
we're all waiting :^)
>>
>>679322467

:unzip pants:
>>
>2004, junior year of high school.
>This retarded, autistic fucking shit-stench pile of Goodwill clothes named Keith DeHart is in a friend's homeroom.

Highlights:
>Shows poor Mr. Mac his fucking key.
>"MR. MAC. THIS KEY HOLDS TRU-VALUE." (Tru-Value being a home improvement chain in the Western New York region)
>He shit himself after coming in during a study hall with Mr. Mac after attempting to break dance. I still remember the smell and the wet patch between his thighs.
>He loved to sing and dance despite being terrible at even coordinating his bodily functions. Naturally this meant Mr. Mac having to tolerate this, as well as his generally feculent odor.
>Keith was rumored to habitually lick his fingers and then wedge them into his asscrack for some undiscernable reason. I think I caught him having just done this once, as I encountered him in the hall adjusting his raggedy ass sweatpants.
>Every fight Keith got into consisted of retard screeching and a hot shit odor overwhelming onlookers. He never won them of couse; it's a wonder he could coordinate himself as well as he did.
>>
File: Berkley Lord of Owls.png (588 KB, 1840x4230) Image search: [Google]
Berkley Lord of Owls.png
588 KB, 1840x4230
screencap so far
>>
File: image.gif (4 MB, 320x240) Image search: [Google]
image.gif
4 MB, 320x240
>>679292540
Hahaha
>>
>>679301436
pizza of himself and showed it?? elaborate pls
>>
>>679323666
Nice trips
>>
File: hue.jpg (8 KB, 256x192) Image search: [Google]
hue.jpg
8 KB, 256x192
>>679310869
Great story OP. Props to u m8
>>
>>679323053
Ya missed >>679310869
Any way to add it on? Would do it, but on mobile.
>>
>>679301592
That youngest kid would make the perfect solider
>>
>>679322204
cont.

A few weeks later

>wandering around the halls, a bit bored
>hear heavy steps upstairs, now going down the stairs
>it's the feminazi leader of my group
>says that there is mess upstairs and she cant handle it
>step aside, Jabba, I got this
>get upstairs, get in
>the girl is whispering something, palsy guy is trying to contain Frank
>who is reenacting Braveheart with a trash can on his head and a keyboard as a sword
>he was now giving an unintelligible speech to his men
>his only man was the autist guy, who was just sitting there casually, playing with his cards, unaware of Frank
>in comes the whale, she has calmed down a bit
>angrily asks why am I not handling this
>you don't interfere with tard's fits when they do not present danger, tell so to the whale
>gives me a lesson on how that is wrong and how I should do something or she will call the HQ or the cops
>in the middle of the argument I hear a few steps that turn into running
>Frank is charging at us
>try to stop him, relying on the size difference
>me:6'3 205lbs, Frank:5'9, maybe 160 lbs at best
>figure I will just tackle him
>but as I lower myself and lunge at him
>I get to know that Frank is a very nimble, agile bastard
>he side-steps with no effort, making me hit the table with my head and get dizzy
>he charges at the whale leader and wrestles her to the ground
>tearing most of her oversized dress in the process
>he mounts her, takes of the trashcan off his head, puts it on hers and starts hitting it with the keyboard
>all while yelling SODA! SODA! SODA!
>the whale is in hardcore shock
>just flailing her arms and legs, looking like a fat ragdoll
>I manage to get up and get Frank off of her
>Frank is now hitting me with the keyboard
>now yelling BAD SODA! BAD SODA! BAAAAAAAAAAAD!
>passes out as soon as he calms down
>the whale ran to the bathroom to hide, because Frank tore her dress at the back, which is now exposing her ass to the public
>>
>>679324369
I later found out that the whale leader spilled his soda and didn't apologize or buy him a new one. When he got mad at her, she started laughing, which threw him into this episode.

Also, I forgot to mention that Frank could talk 100%, but most of the time his sentences were either unintelligible or just did not make any sense (eg. "Bring me the Sun", "Where can I drink more tables" "My mother has a tail with two heads" were just some from the top of my head). He would mostly yell, either the whole sentences or just the last word of the sentence.
>>
File: go home reddit.png (295 KB, 680x697) Image search: [Google]
go home reddit.png
295 KB, 680x697
>>679291543
>>
>>679293749
Behavior analyst here.

The problem is not abuse or even mental retardation, because all human beings understand cause and effect, it is actually how others respond. With the exception of those who display sexually inappropriate behavior, which is most likely a manifestation of being denied their primal urges their entire lives, these individual's use their maladaptive behavior in order to communicate and ultimately get their wants and needs met. Try it. The next time your mother, girlfriend, sister, etc. force you to go shopping for an extended period of time and refuse to leave when you simply ask them, start banging your head on a clothing rack. It doesn't even have to be anything major, but I guarantee you that you will get YOUR wants and needs met once they ask YOU to stop and you refuse and continue to bang your head. You're welcome.
>>
>>679293241
K E K
E
K
>>
A friend of mine is engaged to a retard who got brain damage from being strangled by her own umbilical cord as a fetus. She is über-dependant to the point of calling him every 5-10 minutes, and he cannot get too far away from her because if there's an electric outage or something she might freak out. He even gave me his sword when they moved together, since it was too dangerous to keep in their own household.
>>
>>679302583
kekd
>>
>>679297330
??? Continue?
>>
>>679324369
next one

>a few days after the first story
>whale leader still furious that Frank embarrassed her
>while Frank has forgotten all about the incident, behaving as usual
>afternoon, fire alarm goes off
>figure a tard activated it by accident
>such foolish thinking
>wading through the see of people
>finally arrive
>see coffee-maker on fire, turn around
>half of the fucking cafeteria is on fire
>see two silhouettes through the smoke
>they are fighting
>and, you guessed it, it was Frank vs. Moby dick
>Frank has the fire extinguisher in his hands
>Moby is trying to get the extinguisher
>every time she tries to get closer to him, Frank sprays her a little bit
>he is also yelling SHEEP SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP
>tell her to stop and get away from him, I will handle this
>she refuses, she can take care of it
>tell her it is my job, to go to safety
>she calls me some names and is getting at Frank again
>enough is enough, I take her by the arms and drag her away from Frank
>she is flailing again, hits me on the nose
>backhand slap her, she falls to the ground, drags me down with her
>claws my face a couple of times
>punch her once, still conscious, punch again, not moving
>get up, blood on my face
>kick the whale out of anger
>look for Frank
>he is running around in Merry-Poppins-like fashion, singing something, fire extinguisher still in his hands
>tell him to get the fuck out
>he yells NO, changes his expression to a serious on and starts coming at me
>I prepare to take him down, remembering that the guy is a fucking mongoose
>but he takes a turn
>goes to the whale
>starts spraying her with the fire extinguisher while yelling PIDGEON! and FAT PIDGEON! over and over again
>I stand there in a mix of confusion and delight for a moment
>grab Frank and tell him we gotta go
>firefighters already here
>he turns around and hugs me
>wtfisthisshit.jpg
>firefighters get to us and escort us out
>>
>>679326511
All of this happened in the matter of minutes, now that I read this it looks like forever
>>
I guess I have arrived too late for this thread, maybe next time guys...
>>
DONT LET THIS DIE!!!
>>
>>679323122
Cheese pizza
>>
>>679326208
Why would he get engaged to that?
>>
File: supertards7lb.jpg (124 KB, 800x438) Image search: [Google]
supertards7lb.jpg
124 KB, 800x438
>>679323122

>pls

You're too new for those dubs
>>
>7th grade year in a crappy southern school
>new tard student named Jeffery
>Jeffery is a 300 pound short potato
>Jeffery does the Naruto run everywhere and dresses as sasuke whenever possible
>smells like a dumpster
>jeff usually spends recess just running around a gymnasium like building with other tards
>group of friends decide to hang out near the stair by the building
>Jeffery enters hyper drive and begins chasing another tard
>gymnasium building has a small set of stairs only a couple steps
>as Jeffery comes near a set of stairs,I stick my foot out
>Jeffery falls face first in the concrete
>nose broken,forehead is basically gone
>he starts having a seizure
>teacher comes over,asks us what happened
>"he tripped"
>Jeffery isn't at school for a couple days
>Jeffery comes back wearing a naruto headband over his forehead
>jeffery begins to crush on some girl
>we'll call her Yungho
>yungho is extremely tiny 5/10
>yungho isn't interested in him
>another tard loves her too
>one day during recess Jeffery and other tard begin fantasizing about her
>"i wahnt to puht mah peepee inside hur"
> "keep ur peepee away frum muh girlfriend"
> tards begin to furiously argue who's her
>drool and snot begin leaking profusely
> barking at each other
>"she mine!"
> other tard punches jeff
>blood and snot flies everywhere
>tards begin a long furious battle
>tards finally tire out enough to be dragged away
I have a few more stories if anyone is interested
>>
File: study.png (229 KB, 363x473) Image search: [Google]
study.png
229 KB, 363x473
>>679327848
Do go on.
>>
im very interested.
>>
>>679310866
nice with some fresh oc
>>
>>679291980
Space creatures are a terrible thing to waste.
>>
File: 1457279046742.png (28 KB, 200x200) Image search: [Google]
1457279046742.png
28 KB, 200x200
>>679326511
starts spraying her with the fire extinguisher while yelling PIDGEON! and FAT PIDGEON!

My fucking sides
>>
>>679327848
please
>>
>>679328617
Glad you like it

Want more of Frank? I thought the thread died and stopped posting
>>
>>679328960
i do im lurking.
>>
>>679328960
You can go on, I'm on phone so
Kind of hard to folow a thread you know
But I'm surprised it's still alive since 3hours I think
>>
File: lilly likes what she see's.png (263 KB, 500x500) Image search: [Google]
lilly likes what she see's.png
263 KB, 500x500
>>679328960
keep posting!
>>
>>679327848
>Fast forward a couple months in science class
>only a couple months before the end of school
>Lardass Science teacher brought her baby goat
>Jeff is still wearing a handband
>no one really cares since his forehead is fucked up
>Jeff grows extra attached to the little goat
> whenever he's in class he's always petting it and holding it
> one day,the goat starts making distressed sounding noises
>jeffery has a shit all his pinkie
>teacher just asks him to put the goat down
>jeffery straight up eats the shit off his pinkie
>fast forward a couple weeks
>last day goat will be in class
>jeffery his holding it extra tight
>goat shits all over Jeff's shirt
>jeffery immediately throws the goat like a football across the room
>pretty sure the goat lived
>he immediately starts balling and crying
>starts banging his head against the floor,fucking up his nose further
>jeffery becomes a quivering mess of shit,blood,snot, drool and mashed potatoes
>jeffery is dragged out by the wranglers as he's kicking and screaming
>jeffery isn't seen for the rest of 7th grade year
>>
>>679329168
4-5h mate. I'm suprissed aswell. I checked this both riding the buss to city and riding one home lol.
>>
>>679307803
Sounds familar. Tard attacks worker with water fountain. Ok, chief.
>>
>>679329014
>>679329168
>>679329220
Ok then, stay tuned for "The day the whale got stranded"
>>
>>679313287
Fucking hell. What a fucking cuck.
>>
>>679323122
Back in the old days, we had cameras that printed photos straight out of the camera. He used one of those to take lewd pics, probably because tards are retarded.
>>
File: 1458100525009.png (671 KB, 850x917) Image search: [Google]
1458100525009.png
671 KB, 850x917
>>679305665
Why won't you fags just take it to pol?
>>
>>679327462

His father died when he was young and he was raised by an alcoholic mother. As a result he had an abnormal idea of relationships in general.
>>
File: 1442618016301.gif (952 KB, 320x180) Image search: [Google]
1442618016301.gif
952 KB, 320x180
>>679300988
>>
File: 1459283070370.jpg (145 KB, 960x908) Image search: [Google]
1459283070370.jpg
145 KB, 960x908
>>679329433
jeffery immediately throws the goat like a football across the room

Jesus
>>
>>679330579
Sounds like bullshit but it honestly wasn't and I'm surprised it survived
>>
File: Katawa Shoujo.jpg (1 MB, 1600x2036) Image search: [Google]
Katawa Shoujo.jpg
1 MB, 1600x2036
bumping with cripples
>>
This entire thread is bullshit, but gotta admit that it was pretty funny. Is that Taco Bell neet guy here?
>>
>>679329576
back on the computer, I'm monitoring
>>
"The day the whale got stranded"

>just another day at the office
>got comfortable and am now playing sports with tard
>mostly downies, but they are chill and accepting
>they nickname me even
>tbh I liked them, no skill but fun cant be explained
>suddenly get called to HQ
>get there, have to go to the CEO
>the man looks like a stereotypical CEO
>tells me of my "misconduct" with tards
>says I belittle them by playing with them
>20% off paycheck
>suchislife.jpg
>get to work tomorrow
>did not even enter properly, accountant screams "FAST, GET UPSTAIRS!!!!"
>confused, go upstairs
>hear screaming and yelling
>open the door
>W T F
>the whale is surrounded by downies
>fronted by fucking Frank
>Frank is in whale's face, yelling at her in his unintelligable language
>all while downies are yelling NO PLAY
>get them all to shut up and ask what is going on
>Frank points at whale and yells BALL! at me
>downies all start screaming at me all at once
>whale is yelling something too
>have to separate them all
>whale says they attacked her and confined her to her office
>says Frank started it
>Talk to Frank, he only yells BALL! BALL! at every question I ask him
>cant talk to downies as their leaders wont let me

cont.
Thread replies: 255
Thread images: 71

banner
banner
[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / biz / c / cgl / ck / cm / co / d / diy / e / fa / fit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mu / n / news / o / out / p / po / pol / qa / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y] [Home]

All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective parties. Images uploaded are the responsibility of the Poster. Comments are owned by the Poster.
If a post contains personal/copyrighted/illegal content you can contact me at [email protected] with that post and thread number and it will be removed as soon as possible.
DMCA Content Takedown via dmca.com
All images are hosted on imgur.com, send takedown notices to them.
This is a 4chan archive - all of the content originated from them. If you need IP information for a Poster - you need to contact them. This website shows only archived content.