>>678946509
Fell off a 5 story scaffold and on level tree grabbed a ledge... Would have been it for me... Was installing a tv dish on a roof

>>678946509
almost got hit by a train in san diego, hammered drunk and stumbled, i fell just the right way and lived. woke up and walked to jack in the box.

>>678946509
had my headphones on when i clicked on a load youtube video

>>678946509
Drank way to fucking much and got a alcohol poisoning and I had for poisoning to boot. I got to the hospital very dehydrated to much booze in my system I was pretty close to it they said

I fell into a bear enclosure when I was 12

Almost overdosed on pain killers, taking percocet like candy

i died

hit some black ice and spun out doing 80. miraculously hit nothing. not sure how.

>>678947595
Ding ding ding ding ding ding
Winner

>>678947711
>>678947700
double double dubs :O

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Overdosed on delsum, High for a week after not taking any... Also ate aminitas raw... Still not dead, and many other close calls. Lol childhood is neat

>>678946509
was riding in the bed of a pickup truck when it went into the ditch and rolled

>>678947494
With that grammar and spelling, you seem to still suffer from damage to your nervous system.

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Fractured my spine in 5 places. Got a helicopter ride. Woot woot.

>>678946509
Got trapped under a log jam when I was tubing in the 6th grade and almost drowned. I don't know how long I was under there but when I got out I was coughing up a lung and was bleeding all over my chest from the sticks that made up the jam.

>>678946509
I a car crash where the car rolled twice and ended up in a storm drain with me knocked the fuck out. It was during a thunderstorm and the drain filled up with water. I woke up breathing water and almost drowned until I remebered my seatbelt was still on. 4 others in the car. 1 died (drowned) another is still in a coma and the driver broke his arm and jaw.

>>678946509
I came-to in a hospital E.R. with someone saying "He's back!" and another said "Another second and I would have called T.O.D." Hazy memories of that until I was relatively clear headed in a recovery room.

almost jumped off a cliff to be an hero
got talked down

>>678946509
Had a piece of shit driver from incoming traffic take a turn in front of me, t boned him going 50 on my motorcycle. Flew off my bike.

>>678947760
jump off a bridge.

>>678946509
Almost fell of the edge of a very high waterfall while sliding. I'm never going to a water park again

almost drowned when I was 5. Mum walked off leaving me unsupervised, knowing that I couldn't swim. Some random stranger had to rush over to help me. I don't really remember too much else though.

>>678948074
waterslide*

Overdosed on Mucinex extra strength

>>678946509
got hit by a car going 25 in october. was a pedestrian crossing in a crosswalk.

When I was 3 I got carbon monoxide poisoning from a car. Me and my brother (2 at the time) nearly died.

Woke up at 4 am on my 10th birthday to use the bathroom, then realized I was having a severe asthma attack and couldn't breathe. Went to the ER, was fine by 10 am.

>>678948143
that happened to me
I clearly remember watching it from above and seeing my dad dive in after me as I slowly sank beneath the water.
dont remember after that tho...
no lie

>>678946509
walking down the street when a car was hit and headed right towards me. I jumped in front of a parked car and was only hit in the legs. only suffered broken ankles woot woot

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>>678948174
>Mucinex

>>678948463
Robotripping is wild, would not recommend.

Was trying to crack my neck in the shower once and was twisting it in a weird way, it felt likt it was about to crack but i couldnt get itthat last little bit, so i turned it the other way then quickly jolted it back.

Safe to say it cracked vut i had an unholy amount of pain in my neck and my vision flashed white and i collapsed theough the glass..

I remember lying on the floor with pain in my neck and a tingling in my fingers, glass cut up all my left arm and about 45% of my torso and also a lot of my shoulder/neck/face.

I went to hospital with my GF and had to have surgery to correct my spine.
Dislodged a vertebrae. Also had to have all the glass pulled out of me and spent about 5 days in hospital not being able to move my neck.

They said it was similar to severe whiplash and could have broken my neck and paralyzed myself or worse.. so yeah

>>678948174
Are you the green glob guy that gets coughed out of the lung?

>Got into a fight with some fag
>Be le me getting the upper hand
>When fight is almost finished feel like getting snapped on my head.
>Some fag hit me with an bigass padlock
>lot of blood, blood and started to feelbadman
>Go to ER
>After some tests, xrays and shit Dr. says "anon, if the hit was a bit harder you´d be probably dead or you´d turned into a potato"
Not really close to death but, man

>>678946509
I've been to several different countries. So far I've been charged by a rhino, an elephant, and a water buffalo. Don't mean to brag, though. I'm pretty humble about it.

>>678948592
Mucinex DM tablets. Had to eat like 11, but I found the high I was looking for. I imagine that's what it must feel like to be mentally disabled.

>>678948596
I felt like him for a few hours

>>678948592
i was robotripping in 1996, iwould recomend it

>>678946509
every single day I come closer to death

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was putting one of these back on the pickup and the chain holding it on slipped, barely grazed my head. if i had been a few inches closer it would have crush my head like a soda can

>>678947494
>>678947406
>>678946971
can none of you cunts fucking type properly?

>>678948796
I took 7 of them. Tripped balls for a few hours than blacked out and puked my guts out. Dad yelled at me for about 30 minutes telling me I was going to die, then took me to the ER

>>678948877
Kek. Obvious anon is obvious.

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>>678946509
Once shoved a pickle jar up my asshole, it broke into a bunch of pieces. There was so much blood.

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>>678948996

>>678948996
my nigga

>>678946509
i used to be a garbage man a few years back, on country route, we used to get up to some pretty good speeds in between stops. One foggy morning a feed truck got a little too close to me going the other way and his mirror bracket almost took my head off.

Woke up at the wheel once.

>>678948996
Was that YOU in the bloody ass jar video?

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>>678948996

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>almost shot
>almost drowned
>almost abducted by human traffickers
>abused pretty badly as a kid, could've eventually been killed by her

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>>678949243

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>>678949243

almost drowned in miami beach with 3 of my friends. the water suddnely became deeper cause of the rain and the wave didnt let us move to the ground. there were no people around us, but got saved by the life guard who saw me screamin

Died 3 times, first time I got thrown off a 3 story building.
Next two times my heart randomly stopped.
Leaves me pretty cocky and now I have a sense of immortality.

I have pretty much died twice already.

The first time, I drowned and had to be resuscitated.

The other time my heart stopped and they were barely able to get it going again.

>>678949982
You are like that guy who plays Russian Reulette for money. "Hell no, the bullet is never chambered for me." You know, until the law of averages catches up to him.

I drown when I was about 6 or so. Got pulled out on a rip tide during a major storm. I remember waking up with tubes and shit all over to the doctor saying I was under the water for a very long time there was a extremely high chance I wouldn't wake up.

Told my parents "I told you I didn't want to go into the ocean".

Another time I woke up on a stretcher in Iraq to the doc pulling his gloves off and crying. We got hit by an IED got frag in my face the rest of the guys in the gun truck where shredded I was in the back and the truck flipped over and landed on me with a ballistic blanket covering me. I got pulled out... doc said later he worked on me for a good 15 minutes and I had no pulse and wasn't breathing. I got off the board and lit up a smoke and told doc to scrub the shit outta my face and bandage me up.

Almost got shot in the chest with a flair gun

>>678946509

marriage...

Got beat near to death closing up a liquor store by myself by at least half a dozen niggers, had my face smashed in with a baseball bat while I don't know how many kicked me in the sides breaking my ribs. they cost me $20,000 worth of inventory and property damage. isn't even in a ghetto neighborhood, I just got unlucky the one night I closed alone

>>678947873
It's because I've been drinking tonight too

Nearly hung myself.

I think I've almost been drowned twice as a very small child, idk I don't remember either time and I have no lingering phobias of water or swimming.

>>678950434
>suffered alcohol poisoning
>still drinks
you must want to die

>>678950565
I drink more in moderation now

>hit by car at young age. I was on my bike, car was hoping 60. I'm pretty fucked up from it.
>sepsis
>sucked into ocean with 30 foot waves
>hit black ice and rolled my truck. Somehow was completely OK, and my truck was still drivable for 6 months.

Plenty more. I'm surprised I'm alive.

>>678946509
I'm snorting out blood can't stop coughing and im on penicillin now but im probably gonna die so thats cool

>late at night, chillin at home
>suddenly, period begins
>fuuuuuu
>no tampons
>need to walk to corner store down the street but is like 10 pm
>fuck it
>a few moments after i leave the apartment building i sense someone behind me
>starting to think this was a mistake
>its getting closer and closer
>the corner store that was just down the street seems so far away
>speed walking at this point
>finally get to the homestretch, store is a few steps away
>hear the footsteps get louder and faster, the man behind me is running now
>I cower and scream
>he passes me
>"let me get that for you" he says as he opens the door
>glare at him as i enter

Fucking rapist.

>>678946509
Almost drowned to death with 3 Y/O

I was hanging from the knob of an old fridge and it fell over me, my grandma saved me.

>>678950865
>I'm surprised I'm alive.
Same here. My friends call me the unluckiest guy on earth, then I remind them of all the times I dodged death despite being unlucky in most other ways. That sound like you too?

>>678951029
tits or gtfo

>>678950935
seriously i hope i die am i gonna die there's so much blood like no snot just blood i can like snort like im doin a fat line and boom blood ball

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>>678946509
I once fell down in massive pipe, broke both my arms and there was metal tubing which pierced through my hand. Almost bled out till my mom found me and called the fire-department.Still have the scars and got 400+ stitches in my hand.

>>678946509
Shot in the head. Spoke to my future self. I'm immortal

>>678951210
Yep. I seriously have the best luck and the worst luck. I get everything I want, or anything I set my mind to, but I also get fucked over a shit load... Medically, etc.

>>678946509
one of my organs decided to convert to Islam and explode. Got pretty close there but I hung on. Was high as a kite from the meds for days

>>678951590
Why are you trolling 4chan Deadpool?

>>678948143
Something similar happened to the brother of my friend, they left their toddler swimming in the pool and when I turn my back on him he was drowning, had to assist him, a week later he fell into the pool and was dead for an hour, he was revived in the hospital somehow.

>>678946509
Depression

>>678951530
Take iron. Stop agitating stuff by snorting. Only do it on occasion. You won't believe how much blood you have. I once had a hemorrhoid that bled for 4 months... I'm talking fill the toilet with blood.

>>678947700
:|

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>>678951957

Four Times
First when I was ten years old, was in the back seat of my uncles pinto going 90-100 miles per hour when we are going sideways and flipped multiple times. Apparently I crawled out of the car and passed out on the pavement.

Second was when I was 18. I was cashing my paycheck at this scummy convenience store that i only really went to because I liked the girl who worked there. I cash my check walk out and decide to walk back in to buy some slim jims. Guy in front of me in line wearing a hoodie and some shaded ballistic glasses pulls a gun on the cashier girl and pretty much immediately shoots her after she opens it up. This all happened in probably 4 or 5 seconds he begins to turn after he shot the girl and I pull my work knife and stab high and everything goes fuzzy I remember falling back into a display of chips. Wake up in the hospital, he died, I lived.

Third was when I was 22. I was kinda drunk and i walk outside to get my kid brothers fucking leaf bugs some leaves to eat and i hear something run up behind me and thunk I’m on the ground. Wake up walk inside feeling like crap take a shower and collapse in my room. I remember brief little bits of the ambulance ride and the words we are loosing him and someone yelling wake up repeatedly followed by my name. I am told my heart stopped and they brought me back. Creepy thing about this one I remember very clearly this old guy in a suit just standing in the room watching me in the little bits I remember from the emergency room.

I'll post the Fourth if there's interest.

>>678946509
Went to the USA for vacation with parents and saw a black person. It was terrifying.

flipped my car on the highway and slammed into a tree. lost my damn ds.

>>678946509
Back in highschool right before a baseball game this faget bjorn (I think that's how it's spelled) decided to toss of a baseball and hit it. Hit me sqaure in the forehead. I woke up days later in the hospital not remembering a damn thing.

>>678947924
Was there alcohol involved anon? And also were any of the passengers a significant other. Because that would suck.

>>678952427
Airlift

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>>678952749
pretty sure he meant how did he break his spine in 5 places. not how did he get a helicopter ride.

Sometime in kindergarden I decided to drink the liquid soap, super painful after I drank it. So fun.

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was pretty drunk and shot up a fairly large hit of heroin. over dosed and had to get narcanned.
thank god for narcan.

my left lung collapsed and i didnt go to the hospital till ~3 days after. The deflated lung was squeazing my heart over to the right side of my chest. Fun times.

>>678952236
I'm lurkin anon

>>678946509
Not close enough.

>>678946509
Tru story


>be 15 year old me

>walking 2 school at 6 am

>crosses at busy intersection

>still sleepy

>sees car coming staight towards me

>literally get in to defense mode

>have hands sheild me

>it was the cars shadow

I was 3 and an old cr tv almost crushed me

>>678952236
>>678953482
So here's the fourth time earlier this year, 27. I can’t talk about why but, I’m bleeding from stab wounds and cuts and have bruised ribs from a gunshot that hit my protective vest. After getting the wounds glued shut by the stations medic I go to the ready room and down a bottle of jack, everything hurts. At this point I go home, but for some reason I go to my parents house, it's like 3 am. Everything still hurts and I want to just sleep so I down an entire bottle of kraken. I wake up and my mom's yelling at me but in my mind I'm somewhere else and people are trying to brainwash me or torture me not really sure I get up and plow through what I would later be told was my mom my girlfriend my dad and my little brother make it all the way outside and almost impale myself on this fuckhuge cactus they have in the front yard. I wake up in the guest bed and everyone thinks I tried to kill myself. Now just hearing someone yell my name or someone yelling wake up pretty much sends me into a flight or fight mode. Sorry for the bad grammar In my posts.

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Three times actually. When our home was being under construct I fell to the cellar where those long steel barrels were pointing upwards. Second time was when I went swimming and couldn't get to the surface after diving. Third time was when I was hospitalized because way too high blood sugar levels.

>>678946509
>used TM02 on a tree while biking
>wasn't wearing a helmet cause they're for fags
>fractured my skull, bleed on the brain.
>almost lapsed into a coma on some front lawn I was dragged to
>went to the hospital, told me to go home and sleep it off
>luckily my Mom was smart enough to keep checking on me throughout the night
>drive to the city the next day and get told the extent of my injury
>retarded small town doctors told me to sleep off a concussion
>lol
>spent like 2 weeks in hospital recovering on my summer break
>was pretty fucking terrible
>almost as terrible as this greentext

>>678946509
Sister pushed me down some stairs, couldn't breath after I hit the ground, I passed out then woke up in the hospital

I was alone and fell in a pool while drunk at 4am and couldnt swim right, I'm not really sure how I got out but I coughed up a lot of water

>>678953898
what the fuck are these jobs you're doing that require knives and ballistic vests?

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once i acidentally fucked up the breaking system on my bike, too much pressure in the breaks, went for a ride, and when i tried to use the breaks they locked in place.
ended up flipping doing a 180 and getting the entire bike in my back, i broke 17 ribs + shoulderblade, and one of my lungs came "loose".

>>678953909
>barrels
Meant to say poles, stupid morning brain.

>>678946509
od'd many a time
also many a diabetic coma

For starters, I was born dead. And was brought back. When I was in preschool my bus was T-boned by a trucker, fortunately they slowed down enough to not hurt us. When I was 14 I was fighting my best friend with sticks and almost got impaled by one I had sharpened while running around, would've went right into my jugular. A few weeks ago I almost walked right in front of some ass hole driving an Hummer, going 60 in a 45/running a red light. Didn't notice him until I was in the street. Jumped backwards. Fuck head didn't even honk.

>>678953982
Then there was the time I gave myself alcohol poisoning

>just after 13th birthday
>found a 40 pounder of Crown Royal in liquor cabinet
>decide to do one straight shot for every year of my life
>+1 more for good luck
>do you think that last shot brought me good luck?
>nope.jpg
>talking to girl who lived in another province on phone
>"I think I'm gonna puke"
>"What?"
>"I think I'm gonna-bleuuurgghhh"
>hang up phone
>proceed to vomit until I finally pass out
>puke all over bed while sleeping
>spend three days in bed recovering
>only got up to puke out my window
>parents didn't even seem to notice my non-existence
>and people wonder why I smoke pot

>>678953909
>High Blood sugar
>dying

lol nigga you only die when it's low

learn2diabetic

>>678954890
>people wonder why i smoke pot
probably because you don't know the difference between ounces and pounds, you stupid fuck

>>678955033
What is ketoacidosis?

learn2biology

>>678954389
The Second one was when I Worked for a Junkyard/Chop shop at the California speedway. Kept the knife for opening boxes cutting seat belts stuff like that mostly and self defense of course it was a bad neighborhood.

And Related to the Fourth incident I work in the San Bernardino County Sheriff's Department Department as part of their anti gang unit.

I got jumped by 2 niggers who beat me with baseball bats they had at the time. My skull cracked in 3 places and i had internal hemmorhaging over most of my brain. My hearing in my right ear is still a little dodgy since. It was about 4 years ago.

>>678952236
I'm interested

>>678955225
We called them 40 pounders.
Do you think I actually gave a fuck how much the bottle weighed at 13 years old?

28 grams in an ounce.
16 ounces in a pound iirc

Kill yourself faggot

>liked archery as a kid
>putting arrows up after target practice
>I trip because my room was messy
>held the arrow tip up like a regard
>arrow goes into my open mouth (i gasped as I was falling) and punctures the roof of my mouth.
>gets stopped by the bone, if it went a half a centimeter back it would have went though my neck
>I had to spend two weeks on a liquid diet so as not to disturb the wound.
>still have a dent in the roof of my mouth.

>>678955517

See

>>678953898

>>678955276
Sweet. Sounds like you lived a rough but interesting life. How's this last job treating you? Besides almost killing you. Lol.

>>678955778
We are under funded under equipped and under appreciated. Most of the guys buy their own gear out of pocket, I had to personally replace my protective vest after the department issued one took that bullet for me. But other than that stuff it's a satisfying job some of the southern California gangs are pretty bad human trafficking drug rings hell we even had some sort of murder cult or something we tacked down. So it feels good to know we get some of the organized shitters off the street but at the same time we aren’t allowed to go after certain groups ‘For Reasons’ and that feels pretty shitty. On Top of that most of the stuff we do doesn’t make it in any papers or news unless someone fucks up then he’s paraded infront of the whole country for his slip up paints a pretty bleak picture sometimes if you know what I mean. But i’m way off topic now so I’ll leave it at that.

>>678946509
downed an entire bottle of vitamins once got a really bad fever

>>678956485
That's pretty Metal.

Was riding my bike with headphones on. About to cross a street, I saw the light turn green but some Habib in a taxi didn't give a shit and ran a red light, came about a few inches from smashing into me.

Was pretty weird because yellow taxus barely go to Harlem

>>678946509
took 5 xtc pills

>>678946509
Spun out on the highway in my shitty little Nissan in heavy traffic going 85 mph. I somehow managed not to hit any other cars, nearly missed a pole, and ended up gently rolling down a gravel embankment. I could have gotten all types of fucked up

>>678946509
Suicide by self starvation.

I saw death. Imagine ghost rider but that fucker is like 6 foot with a bigger skull.

Dont bother talking to death. Skeletons have no voice box. He doesnt take shit from mortals either.

>>678956488
You didn't really go off topic, anon, I agree completely. This whole BLM movement is bullshit, one fucking slip up and you don't hear the end of it from those chimps.

> Acidentally did 5mg of LSD crystal. That can't kill you, but i did die over and over again
>I've been held up at gunpoint more times than i can think about, I stopped counting at around 15
> Have been shot at twice
>Witnessed two mob killings
>Drowned twice
>OD'd on some stuff and had my heart stop a few times
>5 car accidents, in one of them, a passanger died
>I've been teargassed to hell and back by police, because g20 and being at the front of the picket line.

I'm only turning 21
I dont live in 8 mile detroit.
What the fuck is wrong with me

>>678946509

Ehhhh. I can do any amount of drugs and know my limit. But this one time I was on Coke Molly shrooms acid smoking weed and was drunk as shit. Literally Felt like God (not in a bad way because in no way am I God just admire his work and try to be as close as possible) but sensory overload idk I could do and say and see and predict things and it was weird as fuck (probably all in my head except it wasn't because the next day my room mate said weird shit happened too) but anyways yeah I couldn't take it all in and I was like yup I'm gonna die my brain can't compute this much shit at once, since then tho I'm sure I could handle it

>>678946509
Being alive?

Born premature by 2 months. Doctors said i wouldn't last 24 hours.

Proved them wrong. Punk ass bitches.

>>678957908
oh here's some more
>in grade 5, some kid pushed me down and i fell nackwards. i couldnt catch myself with my hands at all and my head hit the pavement. i was compltely paralyzed, and blind for about 10 mintues. it felt as if every single pain receptor in my body fired at once.

went away after a bit, i was at school, it was lunch i just went back to class.
never got this checked out.

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>>678957908
>What the fuck is wrong with me

>>678946509
I tried autoerotic asphyxiation and almost died, luckily my roommate found on time.

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this bullet

1) Almost drowned bodyboarding solo in storm conditions. Walked away with dialocated shoulder.
2) Smacked head on pavement so hard lost short term memory for 3 hours. Still cant remember that day.
3) Drunk driving mate almost drove into traffic lights until i reached over a grabbed the steering wheel at the last second.
4) Rear ended a car on my motorbike and front flipped into traffic alongside me during peak hour. Car stopped inches away from me.

My lamp fell on the bed when I was a kid. I was woken up by my father trying to stop the fire. I almost died intoxicated by the smoke.

i browsed 4chan in 2016

>>678961017
/thread

>>678957176

Took 9 during 14h, was so heavy

Have had cancer twice. Beaten it obviously. First time I had it, got misdiagnosed, when I finally got diagnosed properly, my Oncologist thought I was Stage 4, because I looked so bad.

Beat it twice, still smoking like a retard though.

Right now probably

>>678946509
Choked on a large meatball at a restaurant, i was six at the time. My dad literally picked me up and held me upsidedown while shaking me up and down until the damn thing feel out

Disturbingly enough the exact same thing happened to my 3 younger brothers at that age too. Who the fuck lets a 6 year old eat meatballs?

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Perforated ulcers. Bled like a mother fucker.

Almost got hit by a bus crossing a 4 Lane Street. Bus driver was speeding like crazy, slammed the breaks on time and stopped about a meter away from me.

Another one I was almost run over by a woman as I was crossing the street. Little shit pretty much drifted that curve.

>>678948608

Did you do anything to the faggot that hit you with the padlock?

>>678948996

Everyone should watch One Man, One Jar at least once. It will make you think twice next time you want to put household objects in an orifice.

>>678950738
>drinking alone
You're an alcoholic, anon. Stop denying it...

Every time I'm alone. Every time I try to fall asleep. Every time I wake up. Every time I look in the mirror.

stuck two knitting needles into power plug when i was a kid
they shorted and burned my fingers

>>678951937
bullshit on the second part

Nearly drowned once, just barely made it to the beach. Was struck by lightning once. Went septic when something ruptured in me, 8 hour emergency surgery, died on the table, but they brought me back.

>>678946509
Rode through a red-light at over 200km/h on a ZZR1100 coz drunk and stoned and misjudged my braking point. Got lucky, no cross-traffic.

>>678950104
>>678949982
>bragging about almost dying
kudos, friends

>>678963223
you weren't septic. and you weren't hit by lightning.

>>678952749
This fucking guy

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>>678946509
>Being 16
>Trying to fit in a group of badass rockheads with 3 hot girls (being in love with one of them),
>There were this other 1/10 cylinder emo girl.
>She used to cut herself as often as I fap.
>Emo gurl claimed to cut pretty bad last day and stored her blood in a test tube.
>Quietest guy mutters "bet any of you can't drink it".
>Stupid me thinks "My opportunity to shine".
>"I'll drink it".
>Awkward silence.
>Crush says, "No you're not doing it" with disbelief.
>Stupid me takes this as "If you do I'll fuck you".
>Drink it all to the bottom.
>Drink it before the others could formulate a bet for me to do it.
>I feel a blood clot passing my throath.
moar?

>>678948592
>>678948174

this shit made of Dextromethorphan? i did the equivalent in my country. Wieerd shiet

>>678946509
i stepped on legos as a kid...barefoot...
still have nightmares to this day.

>>678963925

This.

>>678950314
How fabulous!

PS: it's flare, dipshit.

>>678948968
7? I took about 35-40 back in 2011. Was tripping nuts. Parents found me took me to ER... They just laid me in a bed and didn't even give me fluid IV.. Woke up so dehydrated, eyes were sunken in and the bags under them were terrible spent the next few days in psych ward. Convinced them I was just trying to get high, let me out early. Dude I was tripping so hard it was unreal. Vision was dragging, sound was echoed... When I walked it felt like I was in the eye of a storm on a ship deck or some shit. 10/10 would do again

>>678948608
So you assaulted some smaller guy and his friend saved him
man i feel for you anon

I live in culiacan, mexico.

>store like 7eleven is like 1 minute walking distance from my house
>i want some beer so meh fuck the car ill just walk
>go out
>black F150 with tinted windows and no license plates stop next to me
>2 dudes with ak 47 get out of the truck and pull me inside while yelling some stuff
>im in the middle of 2 military looking dudes with aks and pistols and shit inside this truck
>i just knew this was the moment i get murdered for no reason i mean i tought of it but damn why is it happening to me
>driver looks back and says "you fucking morons this is not the guy, he dosnt even look like him fucking let him out"
>get out of the truck
>go to the store and buy a 24 pack of red tecate in state of shock
>go home

i dont walk now.

>>678964604
>mexico

i belive you, spic

>>678964843
gringo made racial slurs dont make me feel anything
thanks for reading tho

Ate quite a few Oz of raw weed, suffered some sort of ataxia, taquycardia, heart felt like it was gonna explode, sweating non stop, crazy hot flashes, repetitive hearing for about an hour or more then i vomited and tried to sleep it off, why does eating raw weed do this to me? It sucks

>>678963415
Have you read my medical history? Given the lightning was indirect, but I still got knocked on my ass and had a few burns. But yes I was septic. It something that happened out of nowhere, had problems for years, was down to 95 lbs at the time.

>>678964936
Sinaloa cartel cabron? O zetillas?

>>678965037
cuz you ate fucking ounces of it nigger wtf. like you smoke an oz your gonna be fucked up too

>>678964936
Gringo made racial slurs heheh
whites are the least racist race
anyways i just like the word, spic
seen any headless corpses lying around? legit question

>>678965164
my city is filled with independent groups, some work with better groups, im pretty sure it was sinaloa cartel tho cuz those dudes dont fuck around, zetas kill you even if youre the wrong guy and leave your corpse with a note saying you were a hitman or someshit.

>>678965312
yeah on the newspapers lol, shits been calm as fuck for a long time now this story is from like 2007. Ive seen corpses wrapped in plastic bags tho.

>>678963808

>My "feat" spread fast and was trending for a few weeks in HS.
>Not the way I was hoping.
>I was now the weirdo of the school.
>Surprisingly I joined the group because they thought having a weird guy was cool
>All of them except emo girl who never talked to me again accepted me well.
>Mydearestvictory.jpg
>Days passed and I started to feel something very weird in my stomach.
>Suddenly I fainted being on school.
>Wake up in hospital with terrible stomachache and headache.
>Pain in all the body
>Blur vision.
>Almost null hearing.
>Doctor tells me I got hepatitis B and ask me several question about my feeding, sex and other activities
>Not mentioning the blood.
>They thought it was because I user my brother razor.
>After some weeks my now friends told me that gone (to other school) emo girl told them she had several passive illness like hepatitis B, measles, pox, smallpox and many others.
> I've never got many of them before
>Dinking that shit was dangerous as fuck.
>Lucky only got hepatitis B.
>Being healthy as fuck after that.

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>be me
>5/6 years old lil fag
>chilling and eating chicken with my brother
>mmwhatisthis.jpg
>end eating a chicken bone and sticks in my throat
>wtf.gif
>slowly start asphyxiate
>brother doesn't know what to do
>shit shit shit
>he calls my mom
>moms arrives and they trying to help
>go to a store in search for water and help
>strange blonde woman arrives
>starts hitting my back
>wtf.pgn
>puke the bone and she saves my life

Mfw a qt blonde woman saved my life

>>678964604
Típico día en sinacloaca right?

>>678946509
Before Bitth

>>678966164

HAHAHAHAHAHA

I'm sorry that was reckless, but yet.

You realize you used the same principle as a vaccine, meaning you injected yourself with a disease only to get better after, only difference is that vaccines uses weakened viruses, you took a strong one

>>678965843
thats fucked up, spic-mate, how retarded drug policy of your neighbour affects your country

1) Nearly swept out to sea near Ixtapa.

2) Swam in 4th class rapids

3) Free-soloed numerous 1000ft cliffs

4) Took a taxi in Villahermosa

Take your pick

>>678946509
riding down the highway at 65MPH on my motorcycle, car pulls out in front of me without looking, BAM, T-Boned the car do a flip over the hood and slide down the road on my left side roadrash, come to a stop in the ditch on the side of the road, i come to and realize my pelvis is broken and my knee is bleeding like hell, then the ambulance shows up and rolls me over on a stretcher HURTS LIKE HELL!!!, then the ambulance takes me to a place where a helicopter can fly me to a hospital, spend the next two weeks in intensive care high on morphine and fentanyl, then when i finally get out i spend the next 3 months in a wheelchair, so now i get to walk with a gimpy limp and a cane to lean on for the rest of my life

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>>678951029

rape is not dead, dead is dead

>>678966906
At some point in time it was horrible . specially after felipe calderón starded the war on drugs . nowadays is chill as fuck to be honest. Lots of gangster but no shootouts or beheaded people

>>678946509
I've almost stepped out into a crosswalk while it was still red on multiple occasions and gotten pulled back by a friend.

>>678946509
got t boned by a dump truck turning onto a road in my dads beemer when i was 15, car was totaled, the whole roof was crushed in, i was stuck in the car for 80 minutes unable to move my legs while they got me out

also ive done some drugs man, ive experienced my own death, worse than the real thing tbh

>>678946509
Got hit by a car while trying to cross the street. He drove double the city speed limit. Approx 90 km/h and didnt stop for the red light and hit me so hard that it ripped my clothes in pieces and soles apart from my shoes.oh and he drove away. I almost got killed. Half of the ribs broken. Left side bruised like a rotten plum. Minor brain injury, fucked joints etc...been two years ago still hurts.

>>678968248
I'm surprised you're even alive after that

>>678967807
Shit...thats harsh.

>>678946509
Canoe sank about 2 miles out to sea in Thailand. Had to swim back/walk over sharp coral like stones. Took forever, thoughts of sharks kept me in good spirits.

>>678968487
Everyone was. My wife and other bystanders though i was dead. Coz i lost my conciousness and flew 10 meters like a ragdoll.

>>678968541
Why were you that far out in a canoe to begin with?

>>678947873
Because nervous system and ability to write properly are related. Man you people are stupid

>>678946509
there was a fire in my apartment 3 years ago, i was asleep and before the Firemen could get me out i was comatose from the smoke inhalation.
never knew what was going on, just went to bed like any other day.
i was out for 12 days before i woke up again.

>>678968714
Isn't the brain considered a part of the nervous system?

>>678968487
But the worst thing about it is that it didnt change me. Im still ungrateful, depressed alcoholic like i was before.

>>678968829
no, the nervous system connects to the brain but its not part of it itself.
just as the heart isnt part of the Circulatory system

>>678960831
how does it feel to know that you escaped death not once, not twice not even 3 times, but 4 fucking times. Also dubs

Hit by a van when i was 16. Coma for almost a month, hospitalization and rehabilitation/physical therapy for a year

>>678946509
>Smashing into a cement barrier "jersey barrier/cattle chute"
>doing 35mph on a 35mph rated road
>2 inches from falling off cliff

Bricks were shat, car was driveable.

>be 12
>climbing tree with older brother
>tree is taller than house, which is 2 stories tall
>try to see who can climb the highest
>we end up getting really close to the top
>brother pussies out because it's too windy and he doesn't like getting assfucked by the giving tree
>try to 1up older brother
>reach as close to the top as possible
>hear the tree branch I'm using crack under my feet
>don't even remember falling
>just blackness and screaming
>ended up developing schizophrenia from the concussion I recieved
>still hear the screaming sometimes

>>678969341
Forgot to mention.
>Cops saw
>Valid Police Report
>Cops said if I can drive the car, do so
>drove car home

>>678946509
When she made me nut and she was still sucking.

>>678947968
Did you have gear on when you slid?

I had mono when I was 15. My throat was causing so much pain I couldnt eat or drink. At the beginning it was diagnosed as strep so they gave me shit to fix strep not mono. I couldnt get any food or water down for a little over a week. Could barely walk straight, couldnt lift my body weight (5'8 150 at the time, good health). Eventually got steroids to take, could eat again. Not bad compared to some of you /b/ros but thats the closest Ive been

Got my soul pulled out

Fucking enter a different reality

Pretty sure Im stuck


I cant control bodily function

I no longer think


Im the fucking undead

Stupid zombie apocalypse

Had to get turned


Real strange


Just a body holding information being fed

I never talk or write anymore

I just mimic

But I
The presence of what was

It still feels


But before I enter this world


I took cab ride in a blizzard

almost got taken out by huge dump truck

Fucking crazy cab driver was smoking crack

We were doing three sixties

Real scary

>>678970087
Had mono myself awhile back from smoking K2.
NEVER AGAIN.

>>678970357
Well god damn

>>678970258
And the cab ride was going into the woods from the city

So we make it to close to upstate newyork from jersey
Our destination of course

Then we come to this land bridge

No guard rails and a reservoir on both sides

Fucking full on blizzard

Crackhead driver is yelling at me in spanish cause Im freaking out

Fucking car is sliding close to the water

Thought my ass was going into a icy grave for sure

Also I have hit my head real bad

Getting knocked is probably like death

Weird thing is I have this memory from one time I knocked myself into a seizure

I saw myself lying on the ground twitching

Maybe its just what my head put together

Fucking weird

>>678970581
Yeah, not that shit you can buy offline either. It's the redneck backyard mix shit.

>be me, 16
>minding my own business running with my doggo
>take the same run st the same time every day for cardio(was varsity wrestling fag in high school), and my dog loves it
>one day decide to leave earlier than I normally do
>my run leads to the beach for a beach run for extra workout
>get to the street that crosses into the beach
>waiting for crosswalk
>guy in truck speeds through red light
>turns to avoid car
>turns right at my doggo
>my dog goes full deer-in-headlights
>cant yank him away
>grab him and pull him close
>try to turn and run away from car
>too slow
>get hit cradling my dog
>knock about 10-15 feet into a parked car
>wake up in hospital
>in extreme pain
>cant sit up
>cant feel my legs
>pleasegodno.jpg
>spinal chord injury, broken ribs, bruised tailbone, internal bleeding
>now paralyzed from the waist down
>think life is over
>panic about my doggy best friend
>my mother informs me he is ok
>he has a broken leg, thats all
>cant see him until I can leave my room
>thats weeks later
>finally get rolled into visitors area
>see my buddy
>he gets crazy excited and limp-runs to me
>im just happy hes alive
fasforward
>dog knows I cant take him on runs anymore, doesnt know why
>I eventually say fuck it, im taking him
>gives me the drive to overcome my issues with being in a wheelchair
>take him on runs every day from that point on
He died last year. I miss him. Got him registered as a service dog so he was always with me after that accident.
I still take that trail sometimes

>>678970868
Fuck thats terrible man

Well at least they are working on those exoskeletons

I mean you lost so much

But you might get to be a robot

And thats cool as fuck dude

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I had diabetic ketoacidosis with all kinds of symptoms all of a sudden. Was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. My hemoglobin a1c was over 14% and my blood glucose was over 1000 mg/dL.

>>678971216
That would be dope as fuck. Im still active though which is cool. Thinking about joining one of those wheelchair basketball or rugby teams. I miss competitive shit, and hate people pitying me. Dunno if its worth taking up or not

>>678968658
Was trying to get to an island, turned out it was much further than it looked. Stupid thing to do.

>Be 3
>Move into new house
>Mother says: "Don't run up those stairs anon"
>Be 3 so run up stairs anyway
>Trip and fall into cast iron fence
>Impale self through soft toddler head
>Mother pulls me off fence
>Rushes me to hospital, runs all reds
>Stitched me up without anesthetic
>Bunch of scans prove I'm fine
That was the time where I was impaled by a fence.

>>678971376
I had a 1.1 mM once. Much faster way of death than ketoacidosis.

>>678946509
I thought I had hiv and cut my wrists

>>678971709
Show scars

>>678971435
Dude
There are these dudes from south America that had polio growing
Never had legs
And they skateboard with theyre fucking hand like gorrilas
And not like oh hes disabled thats brave
But like this guy fucking shreds

People adapt no matter what

Basketball is cool

It must suck tho dude

Not to be a dick

But I always look at people in chairs

And Its like I immediately see them as broken
Like a part of me wants to help you cripple fucks out

And I know you guys feel that shit

Good job on the not giving up thing

I lost a lot in my life

A whole lot

Man I dont wanna get to wierd but man

You wake up in this world a innocence child then shit happens and question everything

And even if you wanted to jump ship you cant

Man Im getting sad

Do a wheelie for me

>>678971881
Uncomfortable showing face.

attempted suicide by belt. i kept gagging when i felt myself getting close enough.

>>678971967
Oh fuck

I mean I have almost died alot I suppose


I got loaded on pseudo amphetamines

Like a lot of stinking pills

Started having trouble standing

Weird heart rate

And you know this little black dots that start showing up when you are getting choked out?

Well I start seeing them

I sit down try to control my breathing and black out for a second

Thought I was a gonner for a hot second

>>678971967
never sucked enough of daddys dick huh?

>>678972276
Anyone ever nod out on dope and wake up not breathing?

Weird shit

I went to a pretty ghetto school with a lot of a kids that were legit in gangs in the city. They were always fighting, and occasionally someone would get killed at the school. Nothing could really be done as the city didn't want to take away the school from children, but they couldn't let it go on. So we always had a police force there. One day, a group of kids had enough of the police and decided to come to school packing. As soon as they got to the entrance of the school, they opened fire on the police, and the police returned fire. I was at the entrance when it all happened and got shot in the side in the crossfire. The kids ran off and were never caught. One officer was shot twice in the chest and lived.

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>>678949670
This hurt my head. The rain doesn't make the ocean deeper. You most likely just got swept off of a sand bank by a rip/current without knowing how to swim.

Almost died at my birth, came out completely blue and had to stay one week in an oxygen machine.. luckily survived without taking any lasting damage

when i was ~16 i used to go running around the woods close to where i lived.. there were not so many roads and sometimes i ran along railway tracks thinking that the trains don't go at very high speeds in that area and i would have plenty of time to jump off the rails if one would have had come.. only later realized that some trains in that area go at around ~100 km/h and these motherfuckers don't make too much sound, i somehow avoided being nominated for darwin awards during all those times

>>678971924
Yeah people always look, and think theyre not obvious, but its whatever. But ya know what? fuck it. I'm gonna do it. Also im gonna look up some crazy gorilla skaters, cuz that sounds rad as shit

Two days after my birth, both of my kidneys shut down.

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>>678972279
are you 12 ?

>>678972453
Man

I had guns at my head

Heard shots go off

Been on the streets where people are getting shot

Never caught one

Shit hurts dont it


Man

This one time

I heard shots ring out while I was smoking some weed out my window
Like close
I screamed shoot his ass again
The shots kept coming
Find out someone got shot up the street
I dont even know if I told a guy to shit this kid again joking
Man life is fucked

>>678946509
being born

>>678946509
Had Jojunal Intussusception as a kid. Shit sucked. If it weren't for modern medicine, my bowels would have died and rotted and I would have died painfully. Even then, they almost didn't fix it in time.

>>678946509
tried to overdose on panadol tablets

>>678946509
there was one time where I took like 4 mg xanax after drinking, and I somehow woke up.

other than that, a few close calls in traffic. Driving in snow, I lost control on the interstate and spun like 3 times. I fell asleep on the way home from the airport once and drove into the median. Shit like that.

almost suffocated from a tomato, for real

>>678972738
I got lucky. The bullet missed my kidney by a couple centimeters. After I healed up, my parents moved us from Detroit to Seattle. Still pretty shitty, but instead of bangers, we just had hipsters. Almost as bad.

>>678948595
So.....do you still try to crack your neck?
And if not, why do you do to ease the tension that caused you to crack in the first place

>regards....neck cracker, and worried

>>678973073
Ha!
Traded in the gat for mustaches and fresh business ideas
Thats terrible

>>678946509
I was mauled by a bigass wolf once. Lost my eye over it, but I have a badass pelt now.

>>678973258
Bruh

>>678952674
driver was an alcohol

>>678973337
Man I have really been in some bad situations

So this black bear was running a muck in the neighborhood I had been in at the time

Motherfucker runs in the backyard

Dogs go nuts

I was like twelve and real brave

Dogs chase bear up a tree

Things are big cats

Really

I start throwing rock at it

Family wasnt fucking with it

In the house yelling at me

Im like barking myself just throwing rocks at the thing

Dogs are going mad

Bear is scared shitless

Along with all the people seeing me right next to the bear

Point being is I could have been mauled that day

And probably deserved it

What type of asshole throws rocks at a bear?

Man

The type of rational thinking that compels people to make good decisions missed my dumb ass

>>678957908
Muricah

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>>678971881
might as well tbh since thread is dying it's very faded now as I'm 21 and this happened when I was 3.
Ignore weak eyebrow game, my hair usually covers my eyebrow on this side.

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WENT IN A CAR ON THE FREEWAY ONCE

80 MPH CAN YOU BELIEVE IT

AND THERE'S OTHER CARS ON THERE TOO!!!!

SOME ARE EVEN COMING THE OPPOSITE WAY!

NEVER AGAIN

>>678974111
>czeched

>>678946509
Almost fell off a 7 story buildings roof

>>678946509
Car accident hydroplane was about 5 feet from hitting a guard rail that would have impaled me through the door.

>>678974356
So this one time
I was in the whip with my sister adn her babay daddy
This nigga gets mad and switches lanes into on coming traffic

Bouta die

He hops back across the lanes

Meanwhile me and like 40 other people in the car shit ourselves

Not cool

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TRIED TO OPEN A CAN ONCE

I MANAGE TO DO IT BUT I MEAN

LOOK AT HOW SHARP THAT IS

>>678974205
Show tits

I was losing my mind in this abandoned building

Decided to go into the old as elevator and start jumping as hard as i could

I think I might have really tried to kill myself by elevator

Fucked up shit

Going mental in a broke down building in the middle of a bustling city

Screaming and laughing jumping in this elevator by myself

Being nuts is strange

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SO PICTURE THE SCENE

YOURE WALKING OUT SIDE AT NIGHT BECAUSE ITS REALLY WARM OUT AND YOU NEED TO CLEAR YOUR HEAD

AND AN ASTEROID COMES TOOTLING DOWN FROMT HE SKY

VOOOOOM!!!!

WELL THAT BOY COULD HAVE BEEN ME!!!!!

Stood on mountain top during lightning storm while saying that Thor is a faggot. Atheist ever since.

>>678975014
Vegetables are good for the body
Its why I drink v8
A full serving in every glass