>>677706777
inb4: martin skrelli

What's tivo? Like the TV?

What's the company name?

>>677707419
>>677707491
DVR in a TV

I invented Tivo, my faggot son tried to start a electronic skateboard company and failed

Who is your dad called?

>>677708201
kek

I got laid off from Tivo and got forced to work at some faggot tier skateboard company.

>>677706777
the get was intentional

My dad got robbed and shot point blank in the right abdomen by a 9mm and survived. I wish he hadn't.

I'm a skateboard that got built by some poor faggot

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I have a collection of well over 100 used little girl panties.
I acquired my collection over years of going to rummage sales and thrift stores, buying little girl clothing, and only keeping the loli panties when I got home.
There's a few pairs that were bought new, but almost all of them are used.

>>677706777
I can control my farts. I don't mean that I can control whether or not I want a fart to come out of it already there. I mean I can conjure up a fart from nowhere, and depending on the floppiness of my asshole and force of the anus, I can change the frequency and length of the fart. The current record for longest fart I'm the world is like 36 seconds. I can get to 28. I can also do my ABC's and I'm pretty accurate with a blowgun. Life wasn't always easy, but I've gone down a wind of change. Love all.

>>677708201
Top Kek

>>677708426
Kekkles

>>677708768
Why u wish that?

>>677708837
KILL YOURSELF

>>677709163
Why?

I invented a penis pill that works!

>>677708859
You should go on Howard Stern brah

>>677706777

I invented bread

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>>677708837

I stabbed my bully in the neck with a pencil at school one day. He lost so much blood that he almost died. I got expelled, but didn't get prosecuted because they ruled it was self-defense.

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I am a female on the internet.

I made bootleg Xanax for the darknet and made over half a mil until drug addict employee rats me out.

I have 18 inch-long balls

it's a disability

:'(

>>677709536
bullshit

>>677709098
He's been a crippling alcoholic his entire life and honestly I understand why. His parents really did a number on him and all his siblings. It would've put him out of his misery and mine.

I was beaten and molested as a child but come across as completely normal and agreeable to everyone I meet. I like beer, fucking and abusing my early twenties until I have to take proper responsibility and shift my job into a career. The only people that know what happened to me are the one who beat me, the one who touched me (died before I ever had the chance to come out with the truth) and myself. I live a good life.

>>677708859
haha down a wind he went down wind

>>677706777
I am related to the "Mantracker" the original one mind you, he was better IMO.

>>677709536
tits or gtfo

>>677706777
I looked Lucifer in the face and laughed in his face. Seriausly dont fuck with me.

I question my sanity nearly every hour with the same phrase. while i mostly say it in my head, sometimes i slip and say it out loud. and sometimes i can't stop repeating it over and over again like an obsession until i blurt out loud for me to shut the fuck up.

>>677710166
Newfag

>>677710166
Welcome newfriend

My grandpa is the expert in his job and commonly brought in multiple million dollar deals to his company. He is so good in his job that people specifically want him to help them. Once he retired he made millions with his own company.

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>>677709441
I'm voting Trump tomorrow.

>>677706777
Why do you feel the need to lie on an Venezuelan rice picking imageboard?

i got a toothy blowjob from your granny

>>677706777
I lost my virginity to a Baptist preacher's daughter and I smoked a joint with Lenny Kravitz. Not at the same time though

>>677710838
And you are...?

>>677706777

>one of my testicles is the size of an egg and the other is atrophied to the size of a peanut

>I have three kidneys

>My father has killed multiple people

>My great uncle was tortured

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>>677709536

>>677711121
So then nothing unusual.

>>677711004
Is a massive Newfag

I'm Taylor Swift

>>677706777
I'm related to a famous local footballer.

>>677709536
I declare shenanigans.

>>677711090
A super rich fag that'll take over the company once the time has come.

>>677711267
I'm Bill Cosby, here have a drink.

>>677711289
>Famous
>Local

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I'm Thomas E. P. Brady Jr.

I won about 433.000€ minus taxes two weeks ago.

>>677711312
No, NEET boi

>>677706777
I killed a puppy and crippled a girl in my class when I was younger.

>>677711477
Proof

>>677711477
congrats.

>>677711477
No one would lie about winning that little... But why the 3 zeroes?

I got into a fight on the side of the road with some guy and beat him with a tire iron in my truck

>>677711424
He's famous in my country, it's all I got...

>>677708201
kekling...

One time I bounced a superball so hard it hit the ceiling twice.

>>677706777
I get laid as often as I went, party all the time, drugs etc, yet I'm not happy in life.

>>677711478
I should have seen that one coming now shouldn't I? Well that's what this thread is about. Shit that nobody will believe so have a nice day fellow fag.

i shot a stray dog in the head with a shotgun

>>677706777


I used to know kurt and the other members of Nirvana, as well as the guys from sound garden and had a nodding acquintance with the member of Alice and a lot of other seattle bands of that era. Kurt in fact used to date the best friend of an ex of mine.

Not too exciting, tbh. I've posted about it in threads before and the hero worship of the youngest generations for some of the dipshits I knew was p. Laffo.

i pissed on the ceiling of a Burgerking bathroom

>>677711759
Are you me??

>>677709648
What's the chemical make up for alprazolam???

>>677711695
Name?

>>677712132
Hans Krankl.

>>677706777

Cried so much when "Golden Girls" went off the air that my Dad invented TiVo to shut me the fuck up.

I invented electric skateboard, but used 3 phase motors which ripped my feet off. I now sit and watch Night Rider on Tivo all day and weep.

>>677709648
Nathan?

>>677711245
Pretty standard
>>677711267
Let me smell between your toes

I have never once eaten a slice of pie.

>>677706777
I'm one of maybe 15 music taste makers in the US. Most of the popular pop/alt/indie/rock music these days goes through me before it hits your ears.

>>677712176
Respectable career, how u related?

>>677712048
Maybe
I live in cucknada though

I am Reed Jobs, the son of Steve Jobs.

I got fired from the same job for stealing cigarettes and other things twice.

They called begging for me to come back and work for them again

I could've kept working for them most likely but I worked like three shifts and quit so that I would win the war

>>677711817
Nice job you piece of shit.

>>677712311
Can I have some money

>>677712292
What else would u do to Taylor Swift's feet?

>>677712386
He's the cousin of my Grandfather.

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>>677706777
fact: 99.9% of 4chan users are too scared to browse mchan, and they have the status of reddit normies now because of that

hello, redditors

search your feelings, you know it is a true claim

My faggot dad tried to make a dvr but it didnt do so well. I made an electronic skateboard and made millions, some idiot tried to take my idea but i sued him and his dad for copyright

>>677712311
Sure thing, buddy

>>677712420
If you have a daughter will you please name her Blow?

>>677712420

I am Rim Jobs. The Uncle everyone warned you about.

>>677712515
Spam advertising

>>677712478
I unfortunately make jack shit, so...can I have some money?
The music industry pays shit btw.

>>677710678
I know this feels. "I need to kill myself. I need to kill myself. I need to kill myself"

>>677712545
>>677712567
Fucking Kek

>>677712567
Kek

>>677712491
Lick them

>>677712624
>The music industry pays shit btw

Yes, if ur low, talentless and a waste.

>>677706777
I gots a Guinness worlds record, to do with gaming.

>>677712778
More detail

>>677709735
post picture of your balls

>>677708859
Dragonborn, you've arrived!

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>>677706777
I've fucked 30 prostitutes.

>>677712311
satellite radio or you shill for megacorp like clearchannel?

>I got held at gunpoint for ripping off some nig and didn't flinch. I talked my way out of it by not being scared and impressed him enough to get him to give me trapping lessons.
>I had a 5 way with all girls, who were each at least 7/10. That night we'd split two 4Lokos between all of us too(shut up, it's cheap, strong, and girls like it), so we weren't even drunk.

Not kidding about either.

>>677711759
I relate so hard. I have all this shit I thought I wanted but I'm still depressed as fuck. I'm sorry, man.

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>>677712797
Fucking Kek, couldn't be more pathetic yet you speak of it as a proud achievement

>>677712884
You kept count after 15??

I am a fairly attractive female. I smoke way too much, although I don't look like the type. I was in a 5 year relationship, and I went through extreme physical and emotional abuse the entire time. I broke up with him last August. I hope I die soon.

>>677706777
I make my money off of furry porn. I'm a published author. My family forks from the Windsors. I spent four years living in a van traveling from state to state. I don't masturbate. I live in a cabin in the woods.

I'm a pro musician, and I have actually played on the same stage as the foo fighters

>>677712884
At the same time!?

I invented the question mark.

>>677711640
fag

>>677712937
Ugh, unfortunately terrestrial, but I try to stay away from the shilliness of the industry. Not Clear Channel. Fuck them.

>>677706777
I have a disease that lets me bend my finger so far back I can touch the top of my hand

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>>677712999
Yes.

>>677713030
Over a course of 3.5 years.

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>>677712624
I thought you were important tho
>>677712491
I wouldn't do anything, I actually don't find her to be attractive. She has a bitch face. I was sitting next to a girl on the bus once talking on the phone saying that she went to high school with her and that she was a huge bitch. I hope money and fame has turned you into a better person, Taylor.

>>677708859
Fartiste, look him up. You must take his mantle.

>>677712791
Grats you pissed me off, the music industry pays shit not because the person doesn't have talent the music industry only pays out big to the popular artists quite the opposite of talent.
For example i am a fairly good singer i can replicate pop punk to metal, i know i wont go anywhere because of the fact that the music industry is biased and full of corporate greed. Therefore its a hobby.

>>677713016
show pussy and tits

>>677713023
Hey Man.

I got drunk with Chris Constantinou. Don't know if that's even worth mentioning, since everyone gets drunk with Chirs....

>>677712972
They're using you for drugs :)

Both my father and grandfather worked extensively at Area 51 - my granddad as a test pilot and my dad as a tech contractor.

>>677712972
I might add something
>had a 4-way with two sisters and at the time gf, all super hot, above 9/10
>also got held at gunpoints a few times
>got stabbed twice, fixed myself up
Yet my ex hurt me the most, without even touching me.

>>677712128
>>677709648
This. Prove it.

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I got kicked out of the palace hotel 20 or so years ago for sniffing crack with the Stone Roses. Can't be arsed writing the story but can if requested

>>677713229
>For example i am a fairly good singer i can replicate pop punk to metal, i know i wont go anywhere because of the fact that the music industry is biased and full of corporate greed. Therefore its a hobby.

Why not do like alot of singer/music types on youtube do? Run a channel and start a patreon and at least you'll have a side income for food/rent money

Bruce Willis broke my nose in a LA bar

>>677713016

Meh. Don't die yet. You put up with that shit for 5 years, you may as well enjoy the next 5.

>>677713318
That's cool. Any interesting stories?

>>677706777
My father is the official unofficial write-in mayor of Port Huron, Michigan.

He created a YouTube personality as a joke, and then during an election where the incumbent mayor ran against a former hot dog vendor who was shut down for bad licensing and got butthurt over it decided to run his ultra-racist extreme redneck YouTube character as a write-in candidate. He wound up actually getting a plurality of the vote, and thus technically should be mayor, but since "Randy Randle" isn't a real person they wouldn't give him the office.

Seriously. Look up Randy Randle on YouTube. The campaign is there. That's my dad.

>>677712311

You sound jewish, are you jewish?

>>677713252
Nice dude!, that's pretty cool, idk if this is worth mentioning either but I've gotten drunk with Jess margera

I designed Verizon's outage detection system while working for minimum wage in Canada.

>>677713016
Can I have you instead if my wife lets me keep you?

i fucked a preop MTF vaginally. thats right, i fucked a man, transitioning to a female, who had not had surgery, in their vagina. thats impossible, literally.

its a spiritual/energy thing. she came, but didnt ejaculate.

theres my tranny cred, as a kinsey 0.1

>>677706777
i make 130k a year sitting on my ass because i got a 5k a week for life

>>677706777
stopped masturbating and loss some weight... gained 2+ inches in muh cock (inb4: hurdur, now you's 4inches.)

Don't let them lie to you about stroking it NOT lowering your test levels. It fucking does, A LOT.

I'm Taylor Swift.

>>677713602
Why's that?

>>677713399
>sniffing
>crack
u w0t m8?

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>>677713487
kek, a little bit.

>>677713602
Timestamp pic of the ticket or prove
I want to believe, anon...

>>677713602
Hush money from the Catholic Church?

>>677713016
Fuck off Courtney you fat whale

>>677711717
Bullshit faggot

As a Mormon missionary, I regularly taught lessons to Russ Howell, the guy who holds the world record for longest handstand on a skateboard. He never really believed what was being taught though.

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>>677708837

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I shot myself in the head with a .357 and I'm completely fine besides a less functional tongue and one eye that doesn't look up or down all the way.

Was on my way to being the first white guy in an exclusively Chinese mob. Declined official membership and have regreted it ever since. Now have a family am broke and hate my life.

>>677708837 weeaboo thinks its okay to be a pedo cause lollis pls help

i am the coolest guy in the world that is the best at everything ever nd u guys are big fart heads

>>677713423
I thought about it, if i end up doing it ill post it here. I just work alot of odd shifs 5am - 1 so i spend alot of time sleeping and gaming i also need to invest in better recording equipment.

as a civilian, non service connected counselor, I carried the soul of a ptsd suffering iraq war veteran out of metaphysical hell, who is now my baby brother from another mother. im gonna cry.

>>677713685
Actually believable due to past events but, just for witness rights, prove it to us

>>677709955
Dude. I'm sorry to hear that. Are you actually okay though? Seriously, not just okay enough to function.
I don't mean that like I don't think you're a functioning member of society, btw. I just know what it's like to always just be fine.

>>677713493
Getting drunk with rock stars is ok, except I felt like the little dog waiting for some groupie scraps to fall my way. We both got laid that night. But not with each other. I forgot I was on 4Chan for a minute...

>>677713843
NYPA faget

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>>677706777
My first girlfriend was a hot half Asian chick who lived on my street. I lost my virginity to her in a field, under a tree, in the rain, at about midnight or so. Very romantic. Also very fuckin cold.

We met on accident because I had a habit of walking alone at night. We actually became close friends and had a pretty good relationship

Her father was abusive and she ended up killing herself. I live with the guilt every day.

I kept all this a secret from friends and family for various reasons. So of course the few I've told would never believe me. i have little proof.

I have also been incredibly sick many times in my life. At one point I was wheelchair bound due to an unknown illness that affected my legs.

To top it off, i was emotionally abused by my father, and emotionally and physically abused by my mother, who was abused by my father.

Everyone who knows me wonders why such a intelligent and well rounded young man is cripplingly depressed.

I wonder that as well sometimes.

Yay life.

>>677713857
im cool with that. be your bad self!!!

>>677713016
u from germany, if so i know u

>>677706777
IS NOONE REALLY ACKNOWLEDGING THIS FUCKING GET

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>>677708837