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I want to die. Someone talk to me

>>676117499
I'm sorry I wasn't enough.

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I need to talk to you guys tonight. Things aren't ok

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>>676117499
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4COiiDXkgBM

>>676119303
should've typed out a greentext ahead of time newfag

>>676118739
What's wrong?

>>676118739
You don't need to die, therefore you must not.
Kill yourself if only truly meaning to save yourself impending death that is worse, not to save emotional pain you cannot foresee.
If you've made it this far enough, this could be the peak of your pain or the slow decline into worse, that's your choice to make.
Stay alive if you aren't a coward, how dare you defy life if trying to enjoy it meant a damn thing to you.

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>>676119606
>I've done nothing but make life harder for other people
>I've been given everything and I ruined it all
>I'm a waste and anything that comes to me is wasted as well
When will I get the courage to end it

>>676119943
Storytime?

>>676119943
If you have made life harder for others, your life is now much better than theirs by comparison.
Selfishness only gets you so far.

Here it is /b/, I also want to die now.

>be me
>stupid 18 year old college student
>in Miami
>"yeah man you should totally go there, it's a party city after all"
>here I was, studying to become a computer engineer
(As you probably expect I never was a "cool kid" or social Iin high school)
>Woking hard, day after day. Studying my ass off.
What about your social life anon? What happened to the parties and all of that, I mean you are in MIAMI after all.
>tried becoming part of "the floor" group (the guys who lived on the same floor as me in the dorms)
>fail
>alright alright, let's see what I can do in class
>can barely say anything in a conversation
>fail
>alright gotta pull out the big guns
>somehow meet a bunch of people through other people etc...
>eventually meet a girl, let's call her Nat for now
>Nat loved video games, animemes, the internet etc... All of that, Nat is a marine bio major. Fine by me.
>meet the rest of her friends
>become part of the friend group
>holly shit it's happening, it's fucking happening
>I have friends to chill with, go out with
>go out almost every weekend, discover the wonders of alcohol and weed
>"that's it man, that's the real college experience"
>time of my life
>frequently visit their dorm rooms, meet new people
>too good to be true
>Nat had a boyfriend, his name is Dan
>I didn't like Dan, he was a douche
>next week
>SHE FUCKING BREAKS UP WITH DAN
>"that's your chance anon, it's now or never"
>never
>never say anything
>never could, never have, never will
>I fucked up, fucked up hard.
>she starts dating another guy, let's call him bob
>bob is this 5' 11 blonde Jew , music major
>looked like an idiot, not even fit, just average
>what does he have that I don't
>what makes him so special
>I hated Bob, I still do.
I'm gonna pause this side of the story for now and talk about other events that happened around the same time
Cont?

>>676119756
>>676120032
>felt like this for as long as I can remember
>junior year of highschool spent time in a mental hospital
>wasted so much of my families money on counselors and shit
>realise all my problems are in my head and they are throwing their money away on something I could fix myself
>instead of getting better I feel worse
>they pay for my college
>they pay for everything
>halfway through semester just stop going
>they know I could have don't it
>I know I could have done it
>I didn't
>wasted all that money
Every fucking dime spent on me could have spent on like my younger sisters. They will have a life. I probably won't. I've spent the last year rarely leaving this fucking cabin. I don't know ibdontknow

tl;dr

>>676120703
Sure

>>676120726
Have you fixed those "problems" you had in your head?

>>676121350
No I still think about suicide often. I just feel like shit I guess.

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Come on in anon leave your baggage here. No one will judge you

>>676118739
That pic made me hella sad. Damn

>>676120703

Part 2


>I was seeing another group of friends at the time
>they were less about the party life and more about the academics and lame-ish stuff, still had fun
>yet another girl
>Jennifer, ginger, qt3.14, part of the aforementioned friend group
>completely forget about Nat
>play life is strange with Jennifer
>episode 1 fun
>episode 2 nothing special
>episode 3
>help her out
>hold her hand over the mouse, and doing a bunch of other cringe worthy things
>ep 3 ends
>tired
>jumo in bed
>she follows
>cuddle for the first time ever
>never wanted it to end
>go out on a date the next day
>post-date kissing session
>everything is going so well, what could possibly go wrong
>2 weeks later, Jennifer and me, watching the bloody moon at night(you know when the moon turns red and shit)
>try to hug
>falls on the ground to evad the hug
>get a text from her saying "we should talk"
>wellfuckme.avi
>"w-what are we anon, we're not even in a relationship, what are we doing?"
>end it there
>I felt used, unwanted, trash, depressed and all of that for 3 weeks straight.
(During which I often visited Nat's room looking for some sort of social consolidation or someone to talk to, i had given up om Nat by then, still mad at bob)
>seeing Bob only made it worst
>now what?
>burried it all away into the depths of "I will eventually forget about it and move on"
>the Jennifer friend group had dissolved, everyone moved on
>back to hanging out with the Nat group
>I was slowly loosing contact with the group, not enough to be noticeable.
>I felt it, something was wrong.
>football game day
(The stadium is about an hour away from the uni so coach busses would take students back and forth, the busses were always filled up to max capacity on the way there but always had a bunch of empty seats on the way back)
>wew that was a good game
>getting on the bus
>"alright anon, there are 5 of us, that means that one of us is gonna sit alone, BUT NOT ME,NOT TONIGHT"
Part 3 inbound

>>676123254
wow. please continue.

>>676121820
Maybe you should use the support your family is giving you to fix that. I get that you're depressed, but they've already spent so much time and money on you, you might as well try to fix yourself.

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> I just want to be loved...or at least feel important to someone.

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didn't see this fucker in a while

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Almost 4, but still...

>>676123254


Part 3

>strategically stand 3rd in the line so that the friend behind me sits next to me, right?
>end up sitting alone
>10:00pm
>it's raining outside
>the other 4 having fun and talking
>put back against window
>earbuds in
>songs playing
Syd matters- Obstacles
System of a down - lonely day
>start crying
>"what the fuck is happening, why am I alone again?"
>the loneliness slowly converts into anger
>cry tears of angers
>get off the bus head down, walk back to my dorm
(I live on the 9th floor)
Just to clarify what lead to the next greentext: during the 3 weeks mentioned in part 2 I spent a lot of time alone, visits to Nat's room always ended with me walking away without a single word said (walk in, say hi, sit in there for 20 min listening, walk out).
It always sounded they like had so much fun. Fun that I had missed out on. Seeing nat with bob would just cause instant internal rage.
>back on my floor
>walk out on the balcony
>dried out
>not today anon, not today, it could be worse right?
>the next day my roommate's aunt dies
My roommate was like a brother I never had, he always cared about me, I cared about him. A reliable person who enjoyed my presence.
>his mental state worsens over the week
>he stops attending classes
>2 weeks later he disappears
>he left me a note saying that he got kicked out of the uni and that he couldn't handle living away from home, left me most of his belongings, food and a couple of gifts.
>cry myself to sleep that night
>I was completely alone
>in the dark

I just couldn't take it anymore at this point

Part 4 inbound

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I don't know that feel...

>>676119004
I'm sorry I wasn't enough either.

>>676125420
this is sad as fuck

>>676125545
fake this is a drawing

>>676124689
Any more of these?

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>>676117499
>>676118739
>>676119004
>>676119303
>>676119527
>>676119569
>>676119606
>>676119756
>>676119943
>>676120032
>>676120101
>>676120703
>>676120726
>>676120815
>>676121241
>>676121350
>>676121820
>>676122627
>>676122953
>>676123254
>>676124237
>>676124442
>>676124552
>>676124689
>>676125314
>>676125408
>>676125420
>>676125545
>>676125702
>>676125746
>>676125779
kill yourself

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>Out of unbelievable luck get to talk to dream girl of my life
>She is like miles out of my league, beautiful, social, lots of friends.
>Me: not a total fuck-up (decent looking, funny, hard-working, educated) but had troubles so not very stable emotionally, a little depressed and insecure cuz no friends and feel like i don't have much to offer to a girl, much less someone like her.
>But motivate the shit out of myself, it can't be coinsidence that this is happening right now, when everything else is finally getting better. I have to try. this is my once in a lifetime chance

i won't end up a fucking loser

>it starts out great, she is a good person, and doesn't mind that iam a little different. We have fun and can talk for hours. But soon my insecurities and my lack of experience with girls take control, still think i don't have much to offer, afraid that she might not like me when she gets to know me better. She feels my insecurities, my lack of selfconfidence and is turned off. Try to fix it, start acting totally unnatural, she gets turned off even more.

>after 10 months she just stops answering my messages.

I am in deeper hole than i ever was before her, never wanted something so much, never have i tried so hard and still failed...

Fuck motivation and fuck life. You are what you are, and sometimes you are just not good enough. And someone better than you, is making her happy right now.

Good thing is, before her i was lonely unhappy and drepessed, now i just don't give a fuck anymore about anything.

>be me 18 senior year hs
>see qt3.14 in my AP Human Geo class at rival school because my high school doesnt offer the course
> lets say her name is noelle
>Everyday i try to focus in class, but i just cant and keep staring at her
>fast forward a few months
>never say a word to her, i just look a er and pray something happens like some beta faggot
>decide enough is enough, and i get courage to get her number
>icantbelievethatfuckingworked.jpeg
>text her more and more often
>ask her if she wants to hang out
>she wants to see a movie
>we go see Mad Max: Fury Road
>she didnt like the movie even though i said she might not and recommended something else
>walk her to her car and hug her goodnight
>develop devious beta plan to "accidentally" text her that i thought she was cute by making it seem like i was texting a friend
>itfuckingworks.gif
>fast forward a few weeks, ive graduated, and its summer so we've been dating now (i asked her out after going to see a baseball game)
> i actually have someone who cares about me
> i actually have a girlfriend
> things are going smooth, and im falling hard for this girl
>we have nicknames for eachother, its gay as fuck but i dont and didnt care, she was my goofball
>thinking all is well, it comes christmas time
> ive been trying to find these special leggings for her for months theyre like $150 and thats alot of money for a waiter at an italian restaurant
> save up and buy them off some russian website because nike had them out of stock
> shes overjoyed when i give them to her
> things get weird
>she doesnt text me first, like ever
>never initiates anything
> we start seeing eachother less and less because shes "busy"
> i go 27 days without seeing her because she was "busy"
>it killed me inside but if she was busy i wanted to respect it
>inb4 im a gullible and blind faggot
> she tells me "we need to talk"
>figured the breakup was imminent, but i hated the idea
CONTINUE?

>>676126703
cont please

>>676126703
Yes pls

>>676125420
i literally dont know what youre bitching about. lets see...you had a chance to ask the girl you like out, but you dont take the chance. you see another girl, things dont work out. ok, but hey, at least you got a little experience, right? and youre in college, you shouldnt be taking it too seriously anyways. so you start slipping away from your other friend group. once again, sounds like your fault. end then you cry because you were the one sitting by yourself, even though one person was going to have to do it anyways? seriously?

you are just a little bitch. you had friends, girls who were interested in you, and you fucked it up. no one else. and just because a few things dont work out, now youre getting all depressed? shouldve realized youre capable of making friends and getting girls to like you. thats what you shouldve taken away from the experience.

everything ive read from your posts just tells me A. youre a little bitch B. youre sabotaging yourself C. you have nothing to whine about, clearly you were doing just fine but decided to take it hard when a few relationships didnt work out (in fucking college). i dont feel bad for you.

>>676126703
>she announced that shes been accepted to a school thats 2000 miles away and didnt see the point in prolonging the relationship
>holdingbacktears.jpeg
> i get out of her car, tell her that i would always car about her, and walk to work in the rain (not even lying)
> im heartbroken
>sothisiswhstitslike.gif
>literally worse than cancer, and i had cancer
>everyday got worse, all i thought about was her
>i couldnt function
>my grades plummeted, my work hours were cut and i had a dived right into a hardcore depression
>no friends to talk to this about, my parents hate me for wasting their money on tuition for a 2.3 GPA for my first semester
>gain about 10lbs from doing nothing but browsing /b/, doing twitch raids and talking to a couple of you fags on skype
> about a month passes where i promised myself no contact with noelle
> be last night
> i texted her to see how she was doing but no response
>look at her snapchat, shes at a party
>her read receipts were on (yeah im an iphone fag) and she read my message within 5 minutes of me sending it
>no response
> she weeted all night about how she hated her ex (me) but i had thought we left on good terms
> i texted her today and said "Thought i caught you at a bad time last night which would have been fine, but your tweets say otherwise. I dont know what i did , if anything, but im sorry. I thought we agreed to be friends . I just wanted to see how you were doing because i was genuinely interested. Anyway I hope all is well with you and your family. Happy Easter and tell your parents i said hey."
i dont know what i did and im confused and heartbroken all over again

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>>676128054

>>676128054
What did you get on your aphg test

>>676128524
a 4

>>676128054
>>676126703
do you guys have any advice for trying to get the attention of someone you love who is ignoring you on purpose, without sounding like a needy, whiny faggot?

>676125420
Part 4

>wake up the next day
>send videos to roomie apologizing about every single moment I might of have been a dick to him
>spend that day alone, in the room, eat some of the Japanese snacks he left
>only leave the room to use the bathroom
>play our (roomie and I) favorite game, devastated by the lack of presence
>it felt like he evaporated
>I'm never going to see him again
>why is it happening again
>same thing in high school
>everyone disappeared from my life


>contact with parents is now to a minimum
>talk max once a week
>barely get any sleep
>one meal a day
>look like shit
>I miss the warmth
>the warmth of another person in my bed
>their face shoved in my chest
>the smell of their hair on my pillow
>their soft fingers fumbling around in my hand
>their reassuring tight hugs
>I couldn't bring myself to meet new people, too tired and done with this bullshit
>Visits to Nat's room are now more common
>but even quieter now
>drown my sadness and almost sorrow like feeling into video games

Now here's the thing /b/ no one asked about me, no one texted me, I always had to be the one to ask, call, physically show up just to get an extremely hesitant "do you uhhh wanna come with us or like join?"
>hearing that would always make me wanna walk out without answering
>going out with friends sure is fun
> but it always felt like they were so reluctant with it
>it felt like I was unwanted
>they would force the words out of their mouth
>to which I respond "oh yeah absolutely" with the fakest smile I could put on
>why am I left out
>what am I doing wrong for people to not want me around


>>676127469
It's not a specific event that put me down or something, it's the series of events that always gives off a sense of being unwanted

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>>676128955

Bump.

I need this. I just really need this right now.
Looking back over all I have thrown away

>>676128054
> she weeted all night about how she hated her ex (me) but i had thought we left on good terms
ouch, what a fucking cunt.

fucking christ, then you apologized? this is your first love, so im not going to call you a faggot. i know its hard, but learn from this experience next time. if you get dumped, dont contact her. dont apologize for shit you didnt do. pretend she never existed, its the only way to get over it. acting all apologetic and obsessed will never get them to want you again.

>i dont know what i did and im confused
doesnt matter. work on not dwelling on it. i know youre going to want closure, but sometimes you never get it and thats just something you have to live with. and believe me, even with closure it doesnt make it all that much easier. you will always have questions, you will always doubt yourself. all you can do is try to move on. hang in there, bud.

>>676128821
depends, what is the status of your relationship?

>>676128955
>it's the series of events that always gives off a sense of being unwanted
from the stories youve told us it sounds like its your own fault though. you sound like a normal kid who can make friends and go out with girls. i dont think youre unwanted, i think youre just insecure.

>>676129489
thank you so much man. cant tell you how much i appreciate that.

>>676129627
currently broken up, but i thought we were friends. idk m8 im super confused about the whole situation

>>676129910
can you provide more detail? how long have you been broken up? how long have you been friends? do you guys hang out? do you have any idea why shes not talking to you? you gotta provide more info than that man, no one can give good advice when they have such a small picture to go by.

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>>676130210

>>676128955
go see a psyc man, sounds like depression, it can cost some serious moola, but you can get somebody to talk to and they can give some pretty good advice/insight. only go for the first sesh though cause thats when you get the best advice,

>>676130109
we've been broken up for about 3 months. ive known her for almost a year and a half and we dated for 7 months. we've been "friends" since we broke up if that is what youre asking. we just decided that it would be best if shes going to college a long way away, to end it now, not later when the heartbreak would be greater. we dont hang out anymore, and im not sure why she isnt talking to me. after we broke up (after about a month) we started talking like buds, but then she started to lose interest, never texted me, gave one word responses when i texted her, and so i took a 3 week break, no contact and yesterday was the frist time i tried to interact

bump

also, fuck... im sorry anon

>>676130665
have you asked yourself why you want to continue talking to her in the first place? being completely honest with yourself, do you really want to be just friends, or is there some part of you that wants her back?

>>676131196
i mean of course i want her back, but if i can have her in my life as a friend, i dont see the problem with it/. im just the type of individual who doesnt let go... idk

>>676131407
>im just the type of individual who doesnt let go... idk
i know bro, ive been there. sorry that this advice probably isnt the advice that you want, but i think you need to let that relationship go instead of trying to get her to talk to you. even if you only want to be friends, theres no way to force her to talk to you. relationships go both ways. if one person isnt interested in being friends or more, then it cant work, and theres nothing you can do about it. besides, considering you still have feelings for her, its the best thing to do. itll make it easier to move on. being friends only drags out the healing process longer.

>>676131966
check'd

okay m8. thank you. i really appreciate the advice. not having closure might kill me but i think ill try to forgive and forget. is there anything i can do for you mate? id really like to repay you

>>676132331
>not having closure might kill me but i think ill try to forgive and forget.

>>676129489

>i know youre going to want closure, but sometimes you never get it and thats just something you have to live with. and believe me, even with closure it doesnt make it all that much easier. you will always have questions, you will always doubt yourself. all you can do is try to move on.

nah man, you dont have to do anything for me. it might sound gay, but helping people and (hopefully) making them feel a little better is good enough for me.

at least she ain't dead guys

so yeh.. get over it

>>676132670
nah seriously. send me a throwaway email and ill send you something. Think of it as an easter gift :)

>>676132804
>at least she ain't dead guys
fuck, this nigga droppin wisdom all over the place.

>>676132848
alright dude,
[email protected]

really appreciate it. you dont usually see this kind of kindness on /b/ lol.

>>676133233
Ive seen kindness
Anon paid me a small fortune one time

anyone still here

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>>676133385
lurking

>>676133385
I'm silently watching all this thread, thinking about my ex, wondering what she's thinking.

>>676133334
damn, for what?

>>676133385
yep, whats up?

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Nothing sad for me but I'm currently in a relationship, and this is my first true relationship, first serious relationship in which i've truly fallen for this girl and she's honestly perfect. but it's long distance. we've been long distance since we met on social media in late 2012. it feels like I have not much to offer, despite what i want to achieve in a few years.

>>676133582
>>676133734
>>676133809
turned 25 2 days ago and the girl whom i dated for nearly half a year and went back to her ex, eventhough she somehow knew she'd get back with him, texted me on my birthday those days ago.
no idea how to react to that

>>676133839
>it feels like I have not much to offer, despite what i want to achieve in a few years.
how old are you?

>>676133809

For helping him find something important

>>676133893
Relationships tend to fuck up when there's a new guy who's a prick gets into the relationship but tbh it seems like there was some unfinished shit between the two and i'd say just try to get over her. when did she break it off anon?

>>676125408
Self-pitying bullshit; how would you know they had forgotten you without you contacting them?

>>676133233
you'll have your prize by the end of today :)
thank you again :)

>>676133927
19, I just don't have a lot of opportunities rn
I can't afford college right now as well

>>676133893
did she cheat on you? did you guys end on good terms?

>>676133893
She reached a conclusion that you should have as well seen it coming
Don't waste your time feeling vulnerable because of this

>>676134042
she sounded like she was ready, told me things like she'd get fed up that her parents reminded her of him and that they should acknowledge she'd find someone else and stuff like that.
she broke it off shortly before the christmas holidays and since NYE we didn't have any sort of contact
>>676134183
well, we never were in an official relationship, probably a problem to not have grounded that from the get go and yes we did.

>>676134191
i somehow did see it coming though, like, there were times she'd be all thoughtfull about whether she did the right thing with her ex etc, although she did sleep with 2 other guys for weeks just right after she broke up with her ex.

>>676134357
Well idk why she messaged you again, maybe she wants you again but if she can't make up her mind, don't waste your time anon

>>676134357
She sounds young, confused, typical.

This shit doesn't happen when people grow up, it gets a lot better.

>>676134118
If you live in the west, what's stopping you getting a student loan? I was in a crap place friends-wise before I left home for college. Moving somewhere new and starting fresh with new, interested people solved nearly all that shit

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>>676124689
why is it dragonite?

>>676134106
its no problem, and thank you. hope you have a good easter anon.

>>676134118
well youre still pretty young, dude, you shouldnt really worry about it. im not saying dont work towards anything, but its not like youre behind or anything, youre still a teenager.

>>676134599

Why anything?

Easy, autism.

>>676134635
I guess so anon, thanks for your opinion

>>676134482
probably a good idea yeah
she did tell me that she'd text me on my birthday, didn't know she meant that.
>>676134565
my exact thoughts anon, she seemed pretty insecure about her choices, you could hear that from her voice while she was trying to justify it to herself, that going back to her ex is a good choice.

>>676134777
>lucky trips
They say it's a bad sign to talk about one's ex
Most people just don't want to hear it
Pretty sure it means a person isn't willing to move on and make a new life with you, they still want what they had back
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEcggRukZCs

>>676134357
>well, we never were in an official relationship, probably a problem to not have grounded that from the get go and yes we did.
ahh, ok. what are your feelings on it? did you have pretty strong feelings for her?

>>676134576
I'm currently working to get money for the family and shit like that, we have to spend money on wifi since my siblings make money from buying and selling online and we don't have enough money right now to let me go off to university so that's why i have to work instead of going to uni. wish i could move but i'm saving up right now, apparently i can make a lot of money in south korea for teaching but that's a dream that is miles away

>>676134975
>never were in an official relationship

always DTR, can not stress this enough

My mom got really clingy to me when I was 14 and my step step dad got deployed. We've never really had a mother/son relationship. She always treated me as an adult at such a young age. (Told me things I didn't need to know). So one night she had a "Friend" over. Obviously I knew what was going on because i'm not a fucking idiot but act oblivious. She offers me liquor and I take it. Whatever. Little did I know at the time being on a lot of meds (Anti-psychotics, anti-depressants, etc etc) didn't mix well with alcohol. I ended up feeling her up under the shirt. She kinda woke up so I backed off and went to bed. Woke up and realized what I did and was completely disgusted with myself. She didn't mention anything and I tried to forget. 1 week later she flies me to my aunts in Texas saying it's to visit. When I get there, my uncle asked me if I knew why I was here. I say to visit and he said I was moving in because my mother told everyone I raped her. I'm speechless. Call up my step dad when I was able and tell him everything. I deny everything to everyone and pretend I never did anything. Of course I didn't rape her but I'm not even going to mention I felt her up. It's still fucking awful. Started going through really bad depression because I said fuck the meds. Tried killing myself a couple times. I totally regret trying to kill myself over my piece of shit mother. Anyways, 4 years later I'm 18. Everyone had found out what I did because one of the nights I had tried killing myself I had gotten smashed and while I was in the hospital getting stitched up, I was sobbing and blurted it out. I just kept saying I'm the scarlet letter (Not the story, the Mudvayne song.) The guy who had raised me from a baby but wasn't my biological dad but my brothers dad disowns me because his wife is scared I'm going to rape her. The ironic thing is I had been over there countless times and I wasn't a threat until they found out. What's even funnier is they're more upset I lied. Cont

>>676134951
> they still want what they had back
i guess so, asked her if what we had reminded her of her ex, she said no. funny enough she tried to get back with him after she broke up but didn't feel the same she had when they were together.
>>676134975
well, let's just say that i fell in love with her and that i could've eventually loved her, so not too much, but enough to have me crying for a whole week.

>>676135371
Cont please
Your mom's a complete bitch

>>676135603
i agree with anon

>>676135398
Regardless she's focused on him for better or worse.
Maybe you would have had a better chance if you were abusive, sad truth

>>676135371
Well of course I fucking lied. Who wants to admit they touched their mom inappropriately? My Aunt and Uncle are the only blood family I have that I trust now and I've basically just said fuck everyone else. I have plenty more family, but they're technically friends. Which in my opinion doesn't matter because those friends have given me more love than my actual blood has in my entire life. That's my story from 14-20. All I got out of it was experience, scars, and Borderline personality disorder with psychotic major depression. Doing a lot better as of today and I'm about to start college.

>>676135398
>well, let's just say that i fell in love with her and that i could've eventually loved her, so not too much, but enough to have me crying for a whole week.
and so are you saying you dont know how to react to her saying happy birthday as in how to respond to it through text, or you dont know how to take that or what it could mean, if anything?

>>676118739
You should live for at last two more years. Find someone you love our care about a lot, then take out a life insurance policy and name that person as the beneficiary. After two years, assuming your policy has a suicide provision - which basically all life policies do - the beneficiary will receive the full death benefit should you decide to kill yourself.

Just pay your premiums for that two years and then your beneficiary will get at least a couple hundred grand.

Speaking as an insurance agent who's planning the same thing because life is fucking worthless.

>>676135671
who knows, she seems eager to keep in contact though
>>676135833
well, i'm saying i don't know how to react to her text, i've dreamt a lot about her in the past months, thought about just keep texting with her and maybe i will do that.
i've not had the experience with a girl, who went back to her ex as of yet so, kinda confused on that situation.

>>676135798
Just try to leave it in the past anon

>>676134995
If you don't get out of there and make something more of yourself by doing college or something, then scrounging for wifi money is all your immediate family is ever going to amount to.

You can be away at college and still have a weekend job for extra money for them if you want. Move on to greener pastures as soon as you can, singing Bon Jovi's It's My Life as you step out the door.

>>676136081
Thanks. It's been a struggle, but I'm finally starting to get around to moving forward with my life.

>>676128955

All of your problems are real, but manageable.

Just listen for a sec...

Don't treat people like they are stupid. They can see how fake your enthusiasm and still feel the desperation you are fucking smoke screening. If they didn't like you they wouldn't invite you at all, the awkwardness is from your behavior which is basically that of a needy desperate retard.

You are being left out because it's painful to be around you. Why are you relying on others to dump happiness at your feet? quick being a silly bitch and go do something.

Anything! You don't have a frame of refrence for how you are acting and you need some perspective.

>>676124689
Dragonite dad always makes me sad

>>676136221
I've been looking for weekend jobs recently but it's hard living in a city full of rich chinks who came here and basically most of the jobs are just contracts but I'll look into it. Thanks anon for the advice

>>676134995

No, that's an excuse. It takes skills to get the wages that are nessecary to pay for college. Scrounging wifi money means you are NOT skilled for the wages and thus need an education.

Get out now and stop being a weak idiot.

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What's their name?

>>676136524
If they are rich, how come they have shitty starter weekend jobs?
Boy I hope this thread is helping you realise you're just making excuses and aren't actually stuck. Even someone with depression has to eventually take responsibility for their own life. Do that.

>>676137489
donald trump

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anyone still here?

>>676137810
We all are bruh

>>676128955
Start lifting, in 3 months you get loads of gains and you'll look way better, people will notice. Read the /fit/ sticky.
Listen to chart music, mainstream bullshit. It sucks, I know, but it will give you a point of discussion with nearly anyone else popular.
Forget about those 2 bitches, they weren't good enough for you anyway. Girls are fucking stupid. Once they get a little older they realise the potential in clever guys, and if you're ripped too (which you should be, lifting is easy) you will be fighting them off with a shitty stick.
I used to be fat and ugly and I was a kissless virgin until I was 18, now I'm 23 and I've got a stunning girlfriend and I'm happy, most of it is down to lifting and the music.
You might want an immediate solution but there isn't one, but give it 3 months and you'll forget why you were even unhappy.

>>676135980
>i've not had the experience with a girl, who went back to her ex as of yet so, kinda confused on that situation.
its a dead end, man. shes obviously not a girl who knows what she wants. she left her boyfriend, hooked up with a few other guys, then went back with him. doesnt sound like a stable or reliable person to me, and its not worth waiting around for anyways. id say try to avoid talking to her and move on, youre just going to put yourself through more pain if you hold on to this.

>>676138133
looks like that's the best plan yeah, just texted her back, nothing fancy just a thank you and she's going full "how's it going" oh wel

>>676138002
>Start lifting, in 3 months you get loads of gains and you'll look way better, people will notice. Read the /fit/ sticky.
not with SL and not with social anxiety

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>be born with a brain disorder where one can't identify or remember faces properly.
>as I get older I fall in love with a girl
>realize that I can never really remember what she looks like aside from her hair colour and body type.
>begin to "see" her everywhere as I mostly recognize people by context.
>any person with a similar body type, skin tone, and hair colour/style looks like her to me.
>been trying to memorize her face like crazy lately, like studying a piece of art until you can create the image in your head.
>still no success, even when looking at two side by side pictures I know are of her, they still look like two strangers.
>It's really nothing to bitch about, but part of me can't help but be a bit saddened by the feeling that by no fault of your own you are unable to enjoy certain basic things that most people take for granted.
>I wonder what it'd be like to recognize people in photos or to know what's it's like to recognize a familiar face in a crowd someday.
>I try not to let it get to me, but lately it's been really killing me inside.

sorry for the stupid greentext but i really don't get to talk about it much, so it feels nice to tell someone about it.

>>676135798
wow, i am sorry anon. some people just dont know what its like to be a fucked up person and do a fucked up thing that you absolutely regret. once you do that thing, you are automatically a terrible person in their eyes. and yes, it was disgusting, but mixing all of those meds with alcohol is bound to fuck with your head. i really hope you can move somewhere on your own and start fresh some day. that is just a fucked situation.

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>>676138495
Looks like I never really appreciated something I passed off as something normal. I can assure you it's nothing too big but I'd understand how I am missing out on it. I can't really speak for you but I guess people just have to know that you're like that so they could be aware and not hurt

>>676136296
this

>>676135989
fuck you for posting this, that is heartbreaking.

>>676138371
@1 meal a day
Hes gonna need to be getting more than that in to get gains lol

>>676138350
good job anon, youre doing the right thing. itll get better.

>>676138944
thanks for listening though anon, life is great all in all, just sometimes it just doesn't give you lemons that are ripe enough

Im in love with a grill I stand -100% chance with, the worse part is that we are friends and she has a habit of scaring off any grill that I start talking too, its like she doesn't want me to be happy (she has a boy friend that she cheats on every now and then). Help me its killing me

>>676138495
that must be hard, im sorry to hear that anon. unfortunately i dont have any advice for that, i wish i could say something to make you feel better. glad youre getting some catharsis out of talking about it here though.

>>676139118
no problem anon.

>>676139223
i know that feel bro. even though you're in love with her, maybe if she's hurting you that much it would be better to try and distance yourself from her

>>676139223
>Im in love with a grill I stand -100% chance with
then theres no point in sticking around, anon. to put it bluntly, youre wasting your time.

>the worse part is that we are friends and she has a habit of scaring off any grill that I start talking too, its like she doesn't want me to be happy (she has a boy friend that she cheats on every now and then).

why do you like her? she sounds like a shitty person. shes a cheater and shes a shitty friend. i think you should realize that shes not as great as you think she is. so whats the point in keeping her around when shes only a detriment to your life (im actually asking)?

I just don't know any more. after venting to someone I broke down, I am pissed drunk... What do

>>676139483
>me
>a loser
>0 other friends
>she is nice to me
>Both my parents are dead
>Live in a shitty apartment
>In love with a grill who's leaving to work abroad for 8 months a year
>While I work a minimum paid job
> Im going to lose it when she's gone

>>676139777
At least you got trips

>>676139637
read
>>676139777

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>>676138721
>>676139254

Thanks for your replies, it helps a lot just to be able to talk about it really. If you have any questions please feel free to ask. I know I'm kind of a freak but in all fairness I think you're all strange for being able to recognize faces.
here's a wiki link if you're interested in the technical aspects of my condition.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prosopagnosia

Really it's mostly not too big a deal most of the time. Because of it I grew up being pretty antisocial, no use in trying to make friends if you hardly recognize them anyhow right?

Overall it's pretty manageable, most people can hardly tell I have a problem with it, I try not to play the victim with it or anything. I get along just fine with looking at just the voice and personal mannerisms of certain people. But it's the small times where you you become painfully aware of your lacking that really hurt. this one has really been getting to me lately.

>A while back I met a girl, she was a sweet person and we became friends over a shared hobby, we met at a game store and played cards a lot.
>she always used to comment on how my hair was so nice and was genuinely a fun person to be around.
>we used to hang out at the local carsd shop almost every weekend, so she became a familiar person to me.
>long story short is a couple of months ago she was killed by a drunk driver.
>I still end up "seeing" her places, she had a fairly common hair colour and a typical body type, so I tend to have a lot of moments where I seem to recognize my friend when someone similar in appearance shoes up, and then have to remind myself that it can't be her.
>I do this all the time with various people, I mistake a lot of people for others, everyone kind of looks painfully generic to me outside of hair and body type, but this one particularly gets to me.
>It just sucks being reminded of a dead friend every time you see a blonde haired, kinda thick girl on campus, you know?

>>676139852
thanks anon

>>676127469
Yeah i think he knows its his fault, hes not pinning blame as far as i can see

>>676139933
i see. still, it sounds like shes doing you more harm than good, anon. maybe you need to take a step back and get ahold of your feelings before you continue hanging out with her, because it doesnt sound healthy the way things are.

>>676140166
I know what your saying but i can't lose someone else who means something to me in this world with out sounding like an edgy faggot

>>676139966
>long story short is a couple of months ago she was killed by a drunk driver.
>I still end up "seeing" her places, she had a fairly common hair colour and a typical body type, so I tend to have a lot of moments where I seem to recognize my friend when someone similar in appearance shoes up, and then have to remind myself that it can't be her.
horrible. have you ever tried reaching out to other people who have that disorder? it would probably help to be able to talk to people who can relate.

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Hey /b/ wish me luck. I feel like shit but I'm gonna try something silly to show the girl I love that I care.

>when I was a baby I had a stuffed rabbit
>my parents bought two, and saved one in the hope that i'd give it to my firstborn child.
>had a particularly hard upbringing and never plan on having kids because of it.
>still hold on to the "new" copy of the stuffed rabbit(it's technically older than I am but still in perfect condition after all these years.) and vow instead to give it to the person that means the most to me since I don't ever plan on having kids.
>easter is the perfect excuse to give someone a bunny and I've been in love with this girl for quite some time.
>we talk and she mentions she has a stuffed dog that helped get her through her own hard childhood.
>tell her about that stuffed rabbit and my intent for it.
>she thinks it's a kinda cute ideal to have.
>decide that I want to give it to her
>haven't gotten the change to get it to her yet and am nervous as hell.
>I hope it goes well and that she appreciates the gesture.

Be honest with me /b/ is this actually a sweet gesture or am I just being an overdramatic faggot about a stupid stuffed bunny and some girl who could probably care less about what that bunny plush means to me?

I've been living with my girlfriend for over a year now. She's beautiful. Tiny and cute, and besides going into a mood once every couple of months she's as nice as anybody could be to me all of the time.

She kind of demands 100% attention and gives me 100% of her attention, I couldn't really spend time with my friends if I had any. But before her I never spoke to anybody, I've never had real friends. She likes all the same things I do, we play video games together and watch movies and eat junk food. Every day after work I come home and we are the world. Nothing else matters.

But in the times when I'm home alone I just feel so dead inside. Not like I'm sad she's not there, it's just accumulated emptiness. I kind of feel like what I'm doing with her should be perfect, and I should be perfect for her, but I'm a fundamentally broken person. I'll get drunk and break down and give her shit, and when I'm on my own I feel just like I did before her. I really don't deserve her or any of what I have.

>>676140773

Do it /b/ro. Fear nothing. Give that bitch a bunny. Bitches love bunnies.

>>676140640
im not talking about losing her man, just get your feelings in check. ive been in that situation where ive been friends with someone that i really liked, then she started dating someone. its not easy. you just need to step back a little, get a hold of your feelings. get some perspective and think logically. think about it, shes a cheater. even if you could have her, would it be a good idea? shes not relationship material. be thankful for your friendship and try to see her as nothing more than a friend. i know its hard, but try. crush your romantic feelings for her as best you can.

and i hate to tell you how you feel, but based on what youve told us about yourself, youre probably not in love with her. youre infatuated. its not as dramatic as it may seem.

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>>676140734
never tried to find other people with it, since I suspect it'd be kind of hard to find people with this condition, we're kinda an oddity statistically speaking. I don't really even know how I'd begin to find that kind of thing, plus I really don't want to let it define me you know? Like support groups are fine and whatever, but I hate to let myself become a victim of something I can't help.

It's not actually all that bad, one real perk of it is that I mentioned there's a girl I love. Every time I see her, it's like love at first sight all over again. Imagine being able to forget and replay your favourite game, or re-watch your favourite movie for the first time all over again. It's like that every time I see her face. It's "there" until I look away and it's gone like that, ready to make a fantastic new "first" impression.

In a way it's kind of romantic and really pleasant, but at times it's kinda a bummer to not have generic facial recognition. Both a blessing and a curse really. Just gotta live with it, but it really felt nice chatting about it, thanks for humouring me with a reply. It feels really nice to chat about it with someone else. it really does

>>676140773
sounds sweet as fuck. why are you nervous though? havent you been with her for a long time? or do you mean youve just known her for a long time?

>>676141350
>plus I really don't want to let it define me you know?
yeah, i get you.

>Every time I see her, it's like love at first sight all over again. Imagine being able to forget and replay your favourite game, or re-watch your favourite movie for the first time all over again

thats awesome in a way. so there is a positive side to it.

>>676140886
You said you never talked to anybody before? You can't just let all your happiness Come from in person. You'll become dependent on her. Now that you're happy you should find other things or make friends so if she ever leaves or like you said when you're alone you can have other things to do and get her off your mind for a while

>>676137810
that made me weep a couple tears, 8/10

>>676141594
What's the point in that? I'm already exhausted all the time. Just finding more and more to do so that I don't need to think about things doesn't seem like it would fix anything.

>>676140886
>I really don't deserve her or any of what I have.
nah man, see thats part of your problem. youre empty inside without her. you need to start realizing that you do deserve her, that you do have worth. you need to start liking yourself instead of relying on her to do it for you.

>>676141809
Do stuff that actually makes you happy it sounds like you don't even like doing the things you're doing right now. You're relying on her for your happiness and confidence. You gotta be able to find that somewhere else as well. Can't put all your eggs in one basket . Since it's Easter

>>676141455
We've known each other for a long time but haven't ever been romantically involved.

She's the kind of girl who you only meet once in a lifetime and we've both been in pretty bad life situations the past few years, so making a relationship happen or work is difficult stuff. Personally I get the feeling that she absolutely knows how I feel about her but is waiting for a better time, or is just to shy or unsure of her own feelings.

We're both in our twenties and still have more "traditional" values (basically what I mean is that she's not some skanky ass ho like a lot of women today) In that whole time she hasn't found a boyfriend, and tends to make a big deal out of little gifts I give her, or really getting into the things I talk to her about, and stuff like that. It's the little things that really make me think I may have a chance of having the feeling be mutual.

Basically to me giving her this bunny is a way of me saying "I'd wait forever for you". Which I's why I'm still unsure if I'm acting illogically and just throwing away my prized possession to a girl who may not feel the same way. But I can't help but think it might be worth a shot.

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>>676141579
Thanks for your insight and discussion anon, it really helped to have someone to share this with.

What brings you to a thread like this anyhow? What's on your mind?

>>676142075
>You're relying on her for your happiness and confidence. You gotta be able to find that somewhere else as well.
this. we're humans, we'd all feel empty if we didnt have something to fill our minds, and thats why we all feel empty sometimes. we have to distract ourselves from the world, thats life. you should have something that you can do and be proud of on your own without her. it is a pitfall i see a lot of my friends get into when they become too reliant on a partner, and they cant do anything apart from each other. it never ends well.

Ok, bye guys I might go pass out or look at the stars

>>676124552
The only thing that loves me is /b. Fuck what anyone says, you sickos are the only thing that keeps me alive. I love you /b fags

>>676142311
its no problem anon. nothings on my mind in particular right now, its 7 in the morning and i stayed up all night so im a bit out of it, and im keeping my mind busy with this thread. appreciate you asking though, that was thoughtful.

>>676119303
lol police are hardworkers, instead of catching niggers they're saluting a fucking dog who's probably like "man fuck you guys"
>Murica

>ignore me

I don't actually know words to express my current feelings

>ignore me

>>676142103
well just be sure that shes the one you want to give it to anon. hope it all works out for you.

>>676142535
agreed anon, at least when im feeling lonely as fuck i can come to /b/ where i can simultaneously be called a faggot and have someone give genuine advice and listen to what i have to say.

alright anons, i stayed up way later than i meant to. fuckin suns coming out now. hope all of you anons find your way. hope some of you feel a little better for having posted in this thread. good luck. see you in another thread.

>>676143399
same to you anon hang in there. best of luck to you

>>676143917
god bless you too brother

>>676142982
Thanks, I think she's probably gonna be the only person I can ever really feel this way about. Not entirely sure why, but sometimes you get that feeling that once you've met someone so good and favourable nothing else could really match it. you know?

Thanks for the esteem boost. Definitely gonna go through with it now.

>>676142735
I hear you, It's pretty much the same story here.

Hope you have a good Easter though, I'm not particularly religious, but any holiday with good food and cute decorating is alright by me. Make sure you do something fun for the holiday anyhow. I'll be sure to have myself a drink on your behalf so you be sure to enjoy yourself too anon. Hope things work out for you, thanks for being such a cool person to chat with. Best of luck to you space cowboy.

>>676138495
Keep a photo of her with a caption so you'll always be able to recognize her when the time comes

>>676140773
You're just gonna lose it when she leaves

>>676144763
that's actually a nice idea, but the problem is I have difficulty relating two images of faces together, like I can look at two photos of her and have difficulty discerning that it's the same girl even though I know both photos are of her, so a photo isn't really much help.

Though she is quite the artist so I asked her to draw a cute caricature of herself a while back, so I keep that around to remind myself of what she looks a bit like. In all honestly I usually remember her by her dark hair, thick eyebrows and equally thick in all the right places body. She a qt man.

I also ended up getting her a cute little necklace with a particular charm on it so that I'd recognize her when she's wearing it.

>>676140886
TICK TICK TICK

>>676144840
You may be right anon, but is it better to lose a gift given earnestly or to hold on to something and never have the chance to share it with someone else?

Regardless of if she reciprocated my feelings I know she'll appreciate and take care of the little bunbun. I'd rather have someone appreciate it than have it rot away in a box somewhere.

Though I totally get where you're coming from, I also have the same concern in the back of my mind. So thank you for your honesty

I got drunk last night for the first time in like 6 months. I texted my ex from 7 years ago that I hate her and fuck you.

I am embarrassed but I am not going to apologize because it's true.

>>676146035
it's sad you haven't moved forward in your life for 7 years and that call makes your ex. happy 'cause you can't remember her.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F9hagVL-__c

Posting a feelsy song.

>want to get a friend I know into the MGS series since they've never played it and i personally think it's pretty fun and philosophically interesting.
>tfw they've taught you a lot and helped you through so much that you've called them "boss" as a nickname all these years and they don't know why.
>bought them snake eater and plan to gift it to them next time I see them.
>You think they'll appreciate the gift /b/?

>>676144230
God bless you as well /b/ro

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Shit always gets me

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Hello /b/ Alot of people ask why I never talk about myself, because they seem to see me as a great person, heck some even say "You are the sweetest person I have met"

But, the truth is, I just did whatever I could to make my Stepdad praise me..

He was abusive in almost every way, except the sexual, and would beat me, even if I did shit right!, it left me a wreck who tried to do everything perfectly, and this kept going on for 19 years of my life.

He would tell me everyday that I was nothing, noone would love me ever, noone would like to be around me etc. etc.

To this day I still feel worthless, despite my friends and even my girlfriend telling me otherwise!.

I can't knock on doors, clean my apartment or even open my mouth without hearing him screaming in my ears and hear everything he said over and over and over.

I am not a person, I am a shell, all I do is something I do to make people happy, but on the inside, I feel nothing but fear, pain and torment.

I'm sorry for being me.

>>676148935
bruh you got to live your own life. your stepdad or really anyone else can't define who you are. You gotta be your own man.

Having grown up in an abusive family situation myself I understand where you're coming from, but eventually you get to the point where you need to forgive, and if you can't do that you have to forget.

I guess what I'm getting at is that you need to live for yourself sometimes. What is it that makes you happy? What dreams do you personally have for the future? Chase after those for a bit, don't let some other person's opinion of you sway what it is you are and hope to accomplish.

Eventually you get to a point where only you can define your self worth. What makes the opinion of this stepdad of yours any more worth that of any other person? Like are you really living for yourself or merely for your stepfather's ideal of who he wants you to be for the gratification of your stepfather?

Live your own life anon, you don't have to live up to anyone else's expectations except your own. work hard to build a future you can be proud of with your won two hands.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A6IntxCA3sA
Shit hurts when he begins calling for his dad

Guys please help me im falling apart.Everything giong bad.IM studing now in boys-only high school and this is my last year.At least felling better that when started high scholl but...I fap allday every day. NOTHING HELPS

>>676149613
I'm sorry, but. I have no dreams, I don't know what I like. I have forgotten who I was.

I changed everything to try and make him accept me, but he never did no matter how much I changed. And I forced myself to fit in with him to the point I forgot who I am, as I said I am not a person, I have no true likes, unless you can call french fries, my girlfirend and smiles, for those are the things I like personally.

Dreams, likes and stuff like that seems meningless to me, heck, when I fuck my girlfriend it doesn't feel like I'm bonding, just feels like another task I have do for her approval.

>>676150057
nigga why do you care so much for the approval of some dude? Like would him suddenly saying that you made him proud gonna turn your life around or something?

Like fuck, you have a girlfriend and a life with interesting shit going on to live. That's perhaps more than a lot of people in this thread can say.

No need for all this pseudo-self-derogatory speech, if these things weren't important to you you really wouldn't be pursuing them in the first place? Like why have a girlfriend in the first place f it's just a chore or a burden?

Really I fail to understand the fixation with your stepfather's wishes or hopes to make him appreciate you. Why would you need anyone's specific approval to live a decent life? At that point are you really living for yourself, or just to make some old man happy? What's the point if the latter is the case?

>>676150576
Approval

Getting told everyday for 19 years that you are worthless.

That's around 6878 days I got told I would never become anything, and In my mind, I thought that if I could get his approval that he would accept me.

That's my fixation, becoming something, but hearing that voice tell you every, single, day that you will never become anything, that noone will love you and you will only be a burden to others.

>>676144230
No. God bless you. You make my life worth it. I owe you it.

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>>676119527
too small wtf anon

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>>676119943
stop wasting shit faggot

>>676151540
it's a big image
>right-clicky
>open in a new tab/window
>zoom zoom

>>676142785
Yeah nah

> 1.suck a cock

>2. Kill yourself

>>676117499
i'm actively not looking at my phone because a girl i fell in love with texted me out of nowhere after 3 months of nothingness