>>674550532
What the fuck is wrong with you?!

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This meme has to die.

>>674550532
>>"MOMMY FAILED TO COMPLY, NOW SHE ten-DIES"
Fuckinng kek

>>674550532

Um... so now how you supposed to get tendies?

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>>674550532
>call of dooties tree
>not call of dookies pees
For shame OP

What do you guys reckon the 'Tic-Tacs' actually were?

>>674552056

Penis pills. She wanted his D.

>>674552056
Probably some antidepressents to overdose on.

She should have hid the pills in his mountain dew or whatever when he wasn't looking. Deserved what she got.

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>>674550532
>at mcdonalds, trying to get some fries for lunch
>fat visibly autistic man comes waddling in
>look over to see what happy meal toys are on offer
>ohfuck.jpg
>its MLP toys this month
>"GLARGHHH ONE HAPPY MEAL"
>cashier lady is visibly shaken
>"h..here you go"
>"I WANTED PINKIE PIE, NOT RAINBOW DASH"
>the cashier quickly exchanges the toys
>the man then starts taking off his pants, and is violently fucking the small horse toy in plain view of everyone in the mcdonalds
>small children are crying and a man vomits heartily in the back
>"HNNNG"
>he cums with a vigor ive seen only in the most hardcore of hentai
>"ughhh, thank you" he says as he pays the cashier
>he then leaves, taking the cum encrusted pony toy with him
>MFW i have to wait their 20 min for a police interview about the man
>MFW hes not been caught, and is presumably out there fucking more pastel horse toys as we speak.

>>674554429
I understand fucking a plushie, but a Happy Meal toy?!?!?

>>674554857
I know, and it was hard plastic and everything. I guess he just liked the roughness of it, or something.

>>674554857

>Not recognising fiction
>?!?!?
You must be more autistic than the ponyfucker

>>674554429
nice one kid how long did it take to think that story up?

>>674555061
5 min, thanks fam!

>>674550532
>killing your one source of tendies

You fucked up

>>674551072
>>674554857
please fuck off, reddit. literally nobody wants you here. you don't belong and we see you.

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>Wake up at 8 PM after my nappy-wappy
>Remembered I've been a really good boy today
>Go to check my Good Boy Point (GBP) whiteboard
>30 GBP
>Enough to go in the playroom AND get a tendie meal with ranch dipping sauce
>Wade through my piss bottles and shit jugs to get to my door
>Waddle over to mummy's room
>"Mummy! Mummy! I've been a good boy and I want to go to the pwaywoom!"
>Mummy checks my chart and leads me to the playroom
>As she unlocks the playroom, she tells me that she'll get my tendies ready
>I quickly remind her, "Don't fowget the wanch!!"
>rush into the playroom and fall over headfirst onto the racecar mat.
>begin playing with my blocks
>One hour later
>Door opens and she has my tendies, except...
>No ranch dip
>"BITCH! WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT MY TENDIES. I NEED RANCH DIPPING SAUCE TO FULLY ENJOY MY TENDIES."
>"y-you never asks for ranch, sweetums..."
>"WHY DO YOU HATE YOUR NUMBER ONE BOY!?!?"
>"WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE SUCH AN UNGRATEFUL MOM!?"
>"d-don't worry Anon, I'll go right back down to get your ranch..."
>Throw one of my blocks at her and it hits her straight in the eye
>That's gonna leave a bruise.
>"SERVES YOU RIGHT, NORMIE BITCH! NOW GO BACK DOWN AND MAKE ME SOME MORE TENDIES!"
>Lean in close to her ear
>Shout "AND DON'T FORGET THE RANCH."
>She leaves crying
>Notice I made some wawa in my nappy.
>Comes back with the ranch
>Changes me while I enjoy my ranch-dipped tendies
>She's still crying
>mfw

>>674555949
Is that an OC pepe? Because its pretty good.

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>be me
>going to see autism friendly screening of TDKR with mommy
>is most hyped movie on /tv/, and have memorized all the bane memes before hand
>movie starts, lights go down
>i scream in autistic rage and fear
>they realize this is an autism friendly screening, and dim the lights, and make sure it isnt too loud for me to start screaming again.
>IMCIA.JPG
>start jizzing in pants
>start dancing in asile, singing "I IZ BIG GUY FOR YOU, I IZ BIG GUY FOR YOU!!!!"
>afterwards, mommy takes me home and shoots herself with a shotgun to the face, and i starve like the helpless autistic fuck i am.

>>674556541
Worthless bitch.

>>674557079
And you think this gives you power?

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>wake up at noon
>had accident in sleep which I rolled around in
>grab cum-towel off nightstand and do my best wipe it from my folds of fat
>tummy gurgles loudly, so hungry
>plop out of bed, navigate through shit jugs and piss bottles in my room
>waddle downstairs to check GBP board
>just enough Good Boy Points for some tendies and sauce
>legs buckle under own weight
>roll myself into the living room where mummy is watching her favorite soap opera
>"mummy mummy I have enough Good Boy Points for some tendies!"
>she turns to me with the most disgusting look on her face while I lay flat on the ground stuggling to get up
>"s-sure honey, le-let me just get some tendies for you"
>she struggles to go to the kitchen without vomitting from the smell and sight of my putrid, feces and semen covered body
>she pulls the tendies out of the freezer after letting the oven heat up as she begins to cry into the sink
>I roll over and pull myself up to my high chair that starts to creak as I sit down
>the tendies are done and she puts them on my plate
>she can't hold back the vomit as I open my mouth to eat some tendies and vomits all over my plate
>I can't let these tendies go to waste, so I eat them along with the vomit
>"yummy wummy tendies in my tummy, thanks mummy"
>high-chair finally breaks from my heft
>mum runs away to her room, sobbing uncontrollably, ashamed of her baby boy
>mfw

>>674557331
Atleast you feel sorry for your mummy, anon. Have you ever thought about going to tendies anonymous, to get off your tendies addiction?

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What is the GBP exchange rate for the thomas and friends jungle quest playset? I want mummy to buy it for me, after i come home from my special adult daycare, where the nice lady likes to take my weewee and put it in her sticky fun hole.

>>674558276
I think around 150 to 200 Anon.

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>2 AM
>really fucking want some Lunchables
>wake up my stupid bitch of a mother and tell her to go to Walmart and buy me some
>"Anon, it's 2 AM and I have work in the morning, I'll get you some after work tomorrow."
>start slamming my head against the wall while screaming LUNCHABLES so the neighbors wake up
>"Anon, go the fuck to bed or I'll call the police."
>tell her if she calls the police I'll kill myself
>finally the bitch gets in the car and leaves
>takes her 45 minutes to get them
>look in the bag and see she got the Lunchables with Reese's instead of Skittles just to spite me
>fetch my Little League slugger and corner her
>"You think this is fucking funny you fucking know I hate Reese's you stupid BITCH"
>she begins sobbing and farting uncontrollably out of fear
>open up her mother's urn and pour her ashes into one of my piss bottle and start chugging it infront of her
>she faints at the sight of this
>she oversleeps and is fired for being late
>stupid bitch know not to fuck with me now

fucking normies

>>674559001
>>open up her mother's urn and pour her ashes into one of my piss bottle and start chugging it infront of her
TOP FUCKING KEK

>>674559001
good for you for putting that normie bitch in her place and showing her who's boss

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>wake up in my crib
>stretch out, my legs can barely fit between the bars
>as I move, I feel my poopoo sloshing around my diapers
>hmm, mommy seems to have forgotten to change me today
>my tummy rumbles
>look at clock besides GBP chart, 4:54 PM, almost time for my brekky
>I stand up in the crib and yell "RUMBLY-RUMBLY IN MY TUMMY, GIMME CHICKIE TENDIES MOMMY"
>no response
>mommy doesn't even care that her precious boy is hungies
>contemplate breaking my crib again, but I'm in a good mood since she
>yell again, still no response
>keep yelling for about an hour until my throat starts to hurt
>struggle to move my portly frame out of the crib
>waddle downstairs, chanting "CRISPY OUTSIDE, SOFT INSIDE, MOMMY MOMMY WHERE'D YOU HIDE" with each step
>I can see mommy's shadow, she's in front of the telly sleeping
>sit on her lap, my poo poo leaks on her under my weight
>STILL no response
>this has gone too far
>start shaking her
>"TEN-DIES, TEN-DIES, TEN-DIES, TEEEN-DIIIEEEES"
>amazing, she still hasn't woken up, the absolute NERVE of her
>notice she's holding a yellow tube, grab it
>it has small pieces of candy in it, but it's half empty
>selfish cunt doesn't even care that I'm a growing boy and need my sugar
>"be forewarned, mummy... this may suffice for now, but I expect tendies for din-din"
>pour remaining candy from the tube in my mouth
>fall fast asleeps just like mummy

>>674555949
I had that carpeting when I was a kid!

>>674561769
Who didnt?

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>wake up at 3PM and roll out of my racecar bed
>piss jugs are all full, have to use the toilet like some subhuman normie
>waddle downstairs to find mummy for my wakey-wakey tendies and bakey
>lights off, nobody there
>there is a note on the refrigerator
>"Pumpkin, Dytravius and I have gone to the movies for the afternoon I made some of your favorite chicky tendies just heat them up in the microwave if you get hungy for num-nums. Love you, Mom"
>fucking cunt has let my tendies get cold and mushy
>and she expects me to heat them up myself like a slave
>she will fucking learn today
>change out of my cloth diaper into a disposable and hit the road
>spend the entire walk to the cinema filling my diapey with poo poo
>arrive at the theater parking lot and coat myself in a thin layer of pee pee and poo
>brace myself and enter the lobby
>let loose my battle cry
>RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>"MY PRECIOUS TENDIES HAVE GONE TO WASTE, NOW MY POOPY YOU SHALL TASTE"
>pull handfuls of poop out of my diaper and fling them at random
>staff tries to stop me but I am too quick and too slippery
>entire venue is being evacuated
>navigate my way to 10 Cloverfield Lane
>mummy and new daddy are in the front row
>covered in poo and pee, two steaming loads in each hand
>mummy's face is a mixture of shock and indescribable terror
>walk slowly towards her while chanting "..tendies...tendies...tendies..."
>our eyes are locked
>as if from far away I hear new daddy say "ayo wut tha fuck this nigga-"
>cease my low chanting with a final "TENDIEEEEES" and smash the handfuls of rancid diarrhea onto either side of her head
>bring my piss-soaked face right up to hers
>her ears are filled with my poo, eardrums are ruptured, and eyes are nearly blinded by a mixture of tears and more poo
>say very slowly and clearly
>"Don't you ever fuck with my chicken tenders again."

And the best part is the dumb whore was too scared to even take away any of my good boy points

>>674562780
>>"MY PRECIOUS TENDIES HAVE GONE TO WASTE, NOW MY POOPY YOU SHALL TASTE"
I swear, /b/tards are more creative then most hollywood directors. This shit you just cant think up.

>>674562780
>10 Cloverfield Lane
Just laughing at the thought of the audience holding onto their seats during one of the tense, quiet moments only for an raving, feces-covered autistic man to come bursting into their theater and FREAKING THEM FUCK OUT

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>>674558276
>gbp exchange rate

>>674563548
Maybe he runs in during one of john goodnan autistic raging scenes himself, ever think of that numbnuts?

>>674563673
>john goodman
Goddamn fucking keyboard

>>674564077
The sheer size of John good mans neck would fucking destroy three prime Bruce lees

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>be me
>in my room playing Star Fox Command on my DS after getting up early at 3pm
>mummy opens the door, knocking over a stack of my piss jugs
>"A-anon come on, we're going to Walmart to buy you some new clothes"
>pretend I didn't hear her, does this bitch really have the gall to try and interrupt my day?
>"Anon please turn off your game, you haven't been outside since March last year"
>close my eyes to suppress my rising indignation
>start shaking, breathe deeply through my mouth to calm down
>my heartbeat is audible to both of us at this point
>"Anon what's wrong, do you need a doc-"
>snap
>throw the DS at her
>hits her in the mouth and breaks in half
>she just stands there stunned
>"YOU BITCH YOU BROKE MY DS"
>it was the Mario 64 DS version that I bought with the GBP I got for my 26th birthday
>now I'm really mad
>grab my bokken (that's a wooden samurai sword for you gaijin, bought it with GBP that I earned by going weewee in the toilet for a week)
>she turns around to run
>"WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING"
>expertly throw my bokken to trip her
>hits her head on the doorframe
>hasn't moved since

I'm hungry and I want tendies but the selfish bitch never taught me how to use the microwave, what do

>>674564336
Order Tendies online with her shit currency.

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>Wake up at 6pm after a particularly exhausting Runescape marathon
>tummy is making hungry noises
>navigate my way out of my room through the piles of weewee jugs and trash
>make my way downstairs, peek into the living room
>mummy and new daddy are doing a special backwards hug on the sofa like uncle phil showed me once
>new daddy is making funny sounds like a steam train
>don't care, hungry
>"MUMMY WANT BREKKIE BREK"
>mummy screams, new daddy swears and nearly falls off the sofa like a silly
>says to mummy "why is that retard still living here, isn't he like 30"
>I don't like being called a retard
>not since the incident with the toddler in mcdonalds
>feel my inner wolf break loose
>let out a mighty howl and try to rip off my creeper hoodie
>not strong enough in my hunger-weakened state
>new daddy is laughing, I'll fucking show him
>pull down my crusty cargo shorts and grab my tingly tummy tendie
>"GOLDEN WHIRLWIND, GO GO GO"
>start spinning like a beyblade and weeing as hard as I can
>mummy is screaming and crying, new daddy swears even louder and tries to grab me
>dodge him with my veteran CS reflexes but fall because I'm dizzy from malnourishment
>new daddy gets me in a headlock and starts punching me in the tummy
>he doesn't know I've been saving a satisfying tendie-and-dew-fuelled doodie for later
>bum explodes like a fat man in fallout 3 (I don't play 4 because it doesn't have my waifu Moira)
>new daddy is covered in doodie, he looks like a swamp monster
>he lets go and starts vomiting
>mummy is on the phone, I think she's calling 911, new daddy is trying to make her put the phone down and shouting something about "the meth you dumb bitch"
>crawl to the kitchen, everything is spinning and I feel faint
>"MUMMY MAKE TENDIES" I manage to shout before blacking out
>wake up chained to my bed with a plate of tendies on the bedside table
>new daddy is gone

great success

>>674564336
tendies from the microwave are shit-tier

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>mummy planning special tender dinner date with new daddies family
>mummy promises me 15 GBP if I wear my grown up boy clothes and don't ask any questions to new daddy's family
>arrive at restaurant but getting hungy hungy, mummy tells me to wait
>start playing my 3DS XL on full volume because restaurant is noisy but getting bored
>can see new daddies family are getting hungry too so decide to go on a quest to bring us tendies
>go to the front counter but get given a big green bottle instead
>start drinking it, tastes like the old mountain dews I found in my closet
>makes me feel kinda good, start chugging it down
>mummy tells me to stop and food will be here soon, bitch thinks she can tell me what to do
>food finally arrives
>green mush and bread, smells like day old poo poos
>feel my neck heating up, hands begin to tremble
>bitch lied to me, realize I'm not getting my tendies
>flick the plate at the wall in protest just like my old new daddy taught me to with a frisbee before he left
>start feeling dizzy, seeing two of everything
>good boy clothes aren't as comfortable as red onesie with my poo poo flap
>start pulling shirt off but slip and fall onto the table
>knock big, hot soup off the table onto new daddy's family, new daddy's family begin to shriek and scream
>normies begin to crowd around our table, mummy tries to push them away from me frantically but its too late
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>throw up all over table and new family
>get escorted out of the restaurant by the mountain dew man
>mummy cries all the way home
>can't hear my fucking 3DS game properly and didn't get GBP
shitty shitty day and I woke up with a bad headache

God damn it every one of these shouldn't make me laugh but they fucking do

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>Wednesday afternoon
>tugging it to Nick Jr all day long
>Finish squeezing big boy gooey gunk from my winker
>Mumsies comes home from work
>Poo poo in my diapie due to excitement
>Earned 70 good boy points earlier today by promising not to empty my piss bottles on mumsie's bed while she was at work
>Expect delicious tendies immediately
>Squat walk downstairs with full diaper of excitement
>No good smell
>Mumsie looks upset
>Anon you're 43, I talked with a friend about getting you a job
>Fucking normie mom
>Remove my shit filled diaper and wield it like a sling
>IM A GOD BOY I HAVE GOOD BOY POINTS GIVE ME CHICKEN TENDIES
>Anon please..
>IM DAVIE YOURE GOLIATH
>Swing my shit sling at her
>Diaper falls apart and flings wet sloppy big boy chocolate all over the room
>Ring of fecies whips her in the eye and she falls do the ground recoiling and grabbing her face
>Slap her open handed and squat over her face
>YOUR LACK OF TENDIES SEALS YOUR DOOM, I LOOSE MY BOWELS WITH A BOOM!
>Queue a huge wet fart bubble followed by a mexican mudslide in the rainy season
>Literally pours over her face like a generous helping of tendie chilli
>She wipes it off her face and tries to gasp for air
>Quickly plug her shit covered mouth with my big boy weenie peenie
>GIVE ME EXTRA GOOD BOY POINTS OR ELSE ILL CHOKE YOU MUMSIE
>She spasms and mumbles what might be a yes
>Serves me tendies later while sobbing and promises to give me lots of good boy points
>mfw I always get my way

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Give me, give me, chicken tendies
Be they crispy, or from Wendy's
Spend my hard-earned good boy points
On Kid's Meal ball pit burger joints

Mommy lifts me to the car
To find me tendies near and far
Enjoy my tasty tendie treats
In comfy big boy booster seats

McDonald's, Hardee's, Popeye's, Cane's
But of my tendies none remains
She tries to make me take a nappy
But sleeping doesn't make me happy

Tendies are the only food
That puts me in the napping mood
I'll scream, I'll shout, I'll make a fuss
I'll scratch, I'll bite, I'll even cuss!

Tendies are my heart's desire
Fueled by raging, hungry fire
Mommy sobs, and wails, and cries
But tears aren't tendies, nugs or fries

My good boy points were fairly earned
To buy the tendies that I've yearned
But there's no tendies on my plate
Did mommy think that I'd just ate?!

Tendies, tendies, get them now!
You fat, ungrateful, sluggish sow!
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

I screech while hurling into her eyes
My foul-smell bowel-dwelling diaper surprise
For she who is unpooped on is she who remembers:
Never forget my chicken tenders

>>674567804
11/10

>>674567804
Fuck off I funny fag

>>674568420
Fuck off normie bitch!

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>sitting in room
>finish plate of tendies mummy just made for me
>hmm, I want some more!
>decide to play a prank on mummy (might cost some gbp, but fun is fun)
>rig one of my pee pee bottles to pour on whoever opens my door
>position my wittle bottom towards the door as well and pull down my diaper
>bang my steel drum to get her attention (at 30 gbp I simply had to!)
>MUMMY MUMMY, I WAS HUNGRY, NOW I'M FULL SO RUB MY TUMMY!
>Hear mummy coming
>A grin grows across my face as she draws near, my eyes crinkle and a "teehee!" slips out
>Mummy enters the room
>my pee pee pours in a steady stream on her head
>At the same time I begin blasting her with my nasty poo poo, coating her in a thick baby waby green layer!
>heehee! messy mummy messy mummy I say rhymically as she is covered in my nasty
>She doesn't say a word as my prank plays out
>finish my poo, turn and sit bare bottomed on the floor, leaving a wittle poopy stain
>mummy, did you wike my joke? ga ga goo goo!
>I begin giggling and drooling while slapping my wittle feetsies together as applause
>She does say anything
>Mummy, waugh at my wittle joke!
>I can see tears running through my pee pee and poo poo on her face
>Mummy, you don't want to upset your perfect wittle boy do you?
>She is still fighting
>My eyes sharpen and I drop my voice do a gravely, gutteral tone
>Listen you normie cunt, laugh at your sons prank or I'll kill you and kill myself, I'll drag you into the bath and slit your wrists while I fuck your fat whore ass
>Punch her in the face for good measure, give her black eye
>Mummy sees reason and lets out a chuckle
>heehee! I think that deserves 20 gbp for being such a funny and creative prank, don't you mummy!?
>She does a sort of weird nod and walks out of my playpen
GBP is too easy to get, even when being a naughty boy! She even took me out for more tendies, at no cost!

I love this thread reminds me of my childhood.

>>674568938
>dr shekelberg psychology
fucking kek

>>674569578
Why is the psychologist jewish, anon?

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>4 am, happy tummy full of tendies
>right in middle of my 5 nights at freddy's session
>suddenly my pee pee feels funny and tickles from the inside
>"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMYYYYYYY"
>she doesn't respond, she's been eating a lot of sleep-candies since when second daddi left (she promised she'll share with me soon enough yay! )
>i'm forced to waddle out of my 80 GBP gaming chair and go in her room while screaming "PEEEEEE PPEEEEEEEEEEEE FIZZY MUMMY HELP BABYYY GUU"
>the stress of this causes my belly to relax and I let out a steaming brown log in my XXL diapey (i'm mummys big boy, she always says that :))
>i lay in her bed while she looks at me in horror and disgust
>"mummy my pee pee feels tickly, need pee pee funny dance"
> tears are falling on her cheeks, she closes her eyes and starts taking my diaper off
>the smell of 2 days old diarrhea smeared on my hairy asscheeks makes her gag
> i let out a teehee while saying "mummy belly burp!"
>then, while sobbing, she grabs my pee pee stick and starts going up and down
>my smegma crusted foreskin hardly retreats while tear drops fall on my belly
>i let out my funny-happy milk on her hand "OOHUUHHHHHHU PEE PEE IS GLAD, I MADE IT FOR MUMMYY"
> "you're my special little baby boy, thank you for your gift to mommy" says her, while becoming red in face from happiness
> i leave her room and the diaper on her bed and go back to my gaming session
> the next day she's still tired and sleeping on her bed
i wonder when she'll wake up, maybe she's preparing a surprise for babby boy gu? so many GBP await me for not waking her up!!

>>674570496
You should stick ypur pee pee in her warm funny hole. That will wake her up.

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Tendies, tendies on my plate
Never early, never late
At twelve o'clock its lunchie time
And mommy serves them on a dime

Mommy cooks them in the oven
To show me extra special lovin
Add honey mustard sauce to this
To send me into tendie bliss

Good Boy Points are thus required
To get the tendies I desire
And if I wish to go to Wendy's
I must turn in points to get my tendies

I turn in points that I've compiled
From huggies, kissies, and not running wild
"What a good boy you've been today
Let's go to Wendy's so that I may repay"

"But you've been eating way too much chicken
You're getting a burger, no screamin or kickin"
This makes me mad, this makes me bitter
This makes me unleash the contents of my shitter

I stuff it in her mouth and punch her in the head
Until I am sure my dear mommy is dead
I steal her purse so that I can have money
To buy tendies and mustard with honey

I purchase the tendies from the nice lady
(Although these tendies are nuggies, which I find quite lazy)
And as I devour my fried chicken treats
I realize that life has never been so sweet

>>674560944
eurofag here, someone explain what was in the yellow tube

>>674571868
Yellow pill bottles are standard for prescription medicine here in the US.

>>674567804
shakespeare right there

>>674570957
tee hee, I tried what you said and it didn't work

her funny hole wasnt even warm! her sleep candies must have not warn off yet

>>674571868
Not an amerifag, but she probably OD-ed on sleeping pills (maybe?) to kill herself. And now he's dead too

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>be me, last night
>mom tells me we're going to a family event, wants me to come
>"it will be good for you to get out of the house, anon"
>"fuck off slut" (im in the middle of minecraft building)
>she UNPLUGS MY COMPUTER, i freak out
>dad comes down and yells, mom is in tears
>im infuriated, facing the other way, but mutter obligation, feeling crafty in order to spite my normie parents
>i shower, brush teeth, and get dressed in normie clothes (jeans, sketchers, and white shirt)
>come upstairs, mom promises tendies, things start looking brighter
>we arrive, people try to greet me and say "its nice to see me"
>typical american slave families all around, i scoff to myself and acknowledge no one
>we sit down, scan through the menus
>only shit-tier food: lobster, crab, grilled chicken pastas and steak
>fuck this, ask mom wheres the tendies
>she says that they dont have any
>lying bitch, i become infuriated
>i throw my menu and stand up, knock over my chair and my water glass (i had asked for mountain dew)
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>all normies shocked, i feel a rush of adrenaline
>try to tear off shirt, doesnt work
>storm out of restaurant with pride
>mom and dad come out, mom is crying and dad is fuming
>mission accomplished
>silent drive home as i snicker to myself in the back seat
>now enjoying a nice friday morning on /b/ and basking in my accomplishment.
>mfw

For fuck's sake mate, talking like that is gonna get you killed one day.

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>be me
>be first day of high school
>mom is dropping me off today
>she gets my rolling backpack full of fruit-by-the-foot out of the trunk
>"are you sure you'll be okay here anon?"
>"yes mommy i am fucking fine"
>have one thing on my mind
>barely make it to the classroom before collapse in desk
>health class
>skinny fucking normies are staring at me
>obviously never played WoW
>next few classes breeze by
>finally lunch time
>shove my way through the line
>something smells familiar
>tendies
>holy fuck i cant waddle fast enough as the line moves forward
>lunch lady says "hi sweetie what would you like?"
>"how many good boy points do tendies cost, slut?"
>"excuse me, what did you call me? and what are good boy points?"
>ignore cumdumpster
>i grab 5 trays of tendies and waddle to the condiment station
>grab 10 containers of ranch dip
>take 3 bottles of coke and guzzle one on the way to lay down
>lay on floor
>i eat one tray of tendies and i get the urge to pee pee and poo poo
>piss in coke bottle and shit in the tendie tray
>entire lunch room is staring at me
>jaws dropped
>i fucking hate normies
>principal sprints over and yells at me
>"WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?"
>he leaves for help
>shove the remaining tendies in my pockets and guzzle down my cokes
>principal and football coaches return and slowly hoist me up
>it took 5 of them
>poo poo the most ever in my life all over the principals shoes
>maintenance brings a golf cart with a bed on it to drive me to the office
>parked outside because they don't want to even try to bring me inside
>obviously normie principal tells me how disgusting i am
>i'm expelled from school and he calls my mom
>mom shows up furious and takes me home
>in the car she tells me
>"anon, I am taking away 500 GBP"
>"but i only have 100 right now you dumb whore"
>"so now you have -400 GBP"
>fucking cunt
>we get home and she sends me to my room
>mfw more tendies in my pocket than i could have gotten in one week
>great success

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When you were young
You were the king of chicken tendies
And how you built an empire in the KFC
In yummy dipping sauce pooling around your feet

And your mom would stick a fork right into those gold morsels
And feed you from her hand, her precious baby boy
As good boy points kept adding up till the next meal you'd try

Now this is the room
Your mommy said she'd always love you
And that she'd never want you to move out or go
Into the world, to get a chance to grow

And your dad would drink until he was half dead
And your mom would come up with brand new ways to fry
Those goldbrown nuggers without which you would certainly die
I LOVE YOU CHICKEN NUGGGGGGGGGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

CHICKY NUGS I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUU YESSSS I DOOOOOOOOOOOO

I LOVE YOU CHICKEN NA-U-A-U-A-UGSSSSSSSSSS

CHICKY NUGS I LOVE YOU YES I DOOOOOO

From all the kinds I've tried
None of the dipping sauces lied
Whether they're breaded or they're fried
WITHOUT MY TENDIES I WOULD DIIIIIIEEEEEE

I wonder if shit like these really happen somewhere on the globe
I couldn't imagine it, living with autistic kid
I'd kill myself

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>Wake up this morning feeling good
>Pull the special edition Battlestar Galactica blanket off my bed
>Tie it around my neck like cape
>Step over my piss bottles and old food containers
>It's an autistic ballet as I tip toe to the spots on my floor that aren't covered in garbage
>Finally make it out into hallway
>Rush to look at Good Boy chart on the wall
>MFW only 10 more points needed for a Double Tendie Dinner!
>Run downstairs so fast my cape floats behind me
>Do a running slide onto kitchen floor to tell Mummy the good news
>Mummy just looks at me sternly
>Says to bend over so she can check my diaper first
>"You know I have to check every morning, anon."
>"Nooooo! I don't wanna!" I cry out defiantly
>Tears start to well in her eyes
>She starts walking away from me
>"Wait...Ok..." I say as I lean over the table for her inspection
>Pull down my pants
>The smell of day old chunks of partially digested tendy shit and cheese diarrhea wafts to her nose
>She instantly vomits into the sink
>"That's minus 50 GBP!" she screams with her chin covered in puke
>"I screech and rip off the diaper
>Throw it onto the dining room table as hard as I can
>Orange and brown chunks splatter everywhere
>Some gets on the ceiling
>Some gets on mummy
>She curls into a ball sobbing uncontrollably next to the sink
>Reaches up for a towel but accidentally cuts herself on a kitchen knife I left out
>She's bleeding and covered in vomit and poo while screaming how I'm a bad boy
>Quickly put on my shoes and stuff my pockets with frozen tendies
>Run to my car crying because now I'm late for class at community college

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These fucking stories man!

>>674575249

its probably a thing.... sadly

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The following is completely true. Unlike the rest of you idiots I actually live the dream!

>29 years old
>In my play room
>Need to make ca-ca
>Lean over my inflatable ottoman
>Put my toy dump truck between my legs and make a shipment.
>Ca-ca is a little runnier than usual, but it doesn't matter.
>Now I'm hauling a fresh load across the country
>Mummy brings in my lunch (nachos. I like to change it up)
>"Anon, I told you not to play with your poo poo!"
>I'm getting real fucking tired of hearing this.
>Flip the plate of nachos into the wall
>Start punching my own head
>"Anon stop PLEASE STOP!" she screams
>You made me do this. I say
>She runs out of the room to get the tethers to tie my arms back and stop me hitting myself
>Stand behind the door and wait for her to come back.
>As soon as she runs back in I punch her directly in the face as hard as I can, making a weird, wet cracking sound.
>She falls over and hits her head on my dinosaur table.
>I go back to playing with my toy trucks and gorillas
>She wakes up a bit later
>I don't say anything, I just stare at her
>She quietly leaves the room.
>I can hear her crying from her room.
>Am I worried? No.
>I'll wait it out and things will go back to normal.
>It's easy for me to be a good boy.
>If Mummy does what I say I'll be a good little boy.

If she doesn't like it she should have had an abortion, she chose this life.

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>>674576851
>If she doesn't like it she should have had an abortion, she chose this life.
True. All our mothers used to be slutty normalfags. We wouldn't have pity with them normally. Ironically the only reason we do pity them is because they forced us into existence, which is the same reason we should hate them even more

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>saved up enough Good Boy Points for a new game
>ask mummy to drive me to EB Games
>says she drank too much of her grape juice so she cant drive
>decide to go myself
>pack some chicken tendies for the journey in case I get hungies
>go to the garage, grab my bike and TMNT bicycle helmet (leonardo, of course)
>riding my bike, people angry and yelling at me as i make my way through sidewalk (wtf am i supposed to do, ride on the street?)
>see cousin dylan walking home from school with his friends
>wave hello but he pretends not to notice me (lol he's so shy)
>get to EB Games, grab a copy of Super Smash Brothers, and head to cashier
>tell him i would like to purchase this game using my accumulated good boy points
>he gives me a weird look and then asks for my EB Games Edge points rewards card
>huh? i don't have that. its what mummy must use to keep my GBP on
>ask him if i can pay with my chicken tendies
>"uh.. no, you cant pay with chicken, that's not legal tender"
>"WHAT? THIS IS TOTALLY CHICKEN TENDERS, WTF YOU THINK, THAT THESE ARE NUGGETS OR SOMETHING?"
>he tells me he's calling security, so i grab the the game and run, get on my bike, and flee
>get somewhere safe, check out game, THE CASE IS FUCKING EMPTY, IT WAS JUST FOR DISPLAY
>so angry, i take a big meaty shit inside the case and smush it shut
>throw it on sidewalk and watch as some excited kid and his mom pick it up
>lel not a complete loss i guess
>get home, police car there
>mom is hysterical
>"ANON THERE YOU ARE, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN??"
>tell her of my adventure as she hugs me
>get extra tendies for dinner that night

>>674550532
fuck yes this thread is still up. bump.

>>674578892

i'm surprised there isn't more people here.

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>be me
>27
>live at home with mom
>she has a party and invites our friends and families
>big pot luck but all I want is chicken tendies
>go to freezer pull out tendies
>throw some in the microwave
>come out of the kitchen with my chicken tendies and ketchup
>everyone looks at me as I go back to my fap fortress
>mom comes in and tells me, "Anon, will you please be social for our family and friends? Please do it for me!"
>Go back to the living room
>so anon I hear you like those chinese cartoons like the dragon balls and naroootoe
>starting to get pissed
>giggle and just say yeah
>then some faggot pulls out a Macbook to show off his faggot families vacation
>rage ensues
>run to my room screaming "REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
>grab piss bottle
>throw it at macfag
>hits him everyone goes silent
>Then I scream "Filthy fucking casual!"
>Apple is for fags
>mom grabs me
>Back hand her
>faggot white knight steps in and tells me to calm down
>start to scream and helicopter
>shit my self in the process
>everyone pulls out their iPhones to take a video
>more rage
>run back into room and grab my katana
>here them talking and asking what they should do
>run out and chop at the macbook
>the guy tries to tackle me but my ninjitsu skills are second to none
>he trips and bust his head open on the coffee table
>everyone runs out
>someone calls the cops
>go hid in my room
>clutch my Rei body-pillow and pray to my framed picture of Gaben above my bed
>set up trap using my jizz bottles
>cops knock on door and tell me to open up
>They bust in
>first cop gets a bucket of jizz I proped over my door
>second one trips over a dragon dildo
>cops throw me to the ground and hand cuff me
>mom's crying
>go to jail
>missing warm tendies and comfy animes

>>674579588
>framed picture of Gaben

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>wake-up at 2PM
>Subconsciously shit in my MLP jammies while sleeping
>scream at the top of my lungs "MUUUUUUUUUUMMMYYYYYYYYYY"
>mummy silently lurks into the doorway to my room
>"y-y-yes, dear?"
>scream "GIVE ME CHANGIES AND FETCH ME CHICKEN TENDIES"
>mummy silent weeps to herself and walks over to my adult-sized crib with a fresh new pair of magic school-bus jammies
>start kicking and flailing my arms and legs because my tummy rumbles for tendies
>start to screech while mummy tries her best to not have another mental breakdown session
>start chanting "CHICKEN TENDIES YUMMY YUMMY FOR MY TUMMY"
>"Anon d-dear, you've already used all of the 20 piece bag from last night in one dinner, I-I...I..have to go get m-
>spring up and smash my body into hers, she screams and starts sobbing
>she pushes me out of the way as she runs downstairs
>yell "OUCHIES, YOU HURT YOUR GOOD LITTLE BOY" and start crying frantically
>chase after her, mummy locks herself in the pantry
>start beating on the pantry while screaming and crying "WHY DON'T YOU LOVE YOUR GOOD LITTLE BOY"
>Mummy is weeping loudly enough for the neighbors to hear
>cry even louder and accidentally shit new jammies
>use up all of the engine I had for the day crying
>crawl over to my scooby-doo playroom and roll up into a ball and fall asleep
>wake up at 9 PM, tucked in bed with clean jammies
>note from mummy: "I'm sorry anon, I never meant to hurt you, always be my good little boy! I love you!"
>fresh plate of tendies on trash-littered computer desk
>shovel them into face
>fall asleep satisfied

>>674580367

such a happy ending!

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> be me
> 28 years old NEET
> raised as an only child
> I caused mummy and daddys divorce
> nothing matters except the scrumptious taste of tendies
> GOLDEN BROWN TENDY TOWN TURN THAT FROWN UPSIDE DOWN
> mfw its 03:00am
> eww mummy is sleeping with nasty landlord
> mummy I'm hungries
> yell into intercom for snackitysnacks
> CLAIM THE MEAL OF THE CHICKEN GODS!! ITS TENDY TIME!!
> her tired voice reponds with "PISS OFF SWEETY MOMMY IS WORKING!!"
> insolent woman I know there are tendies in the freezer bring me my tendies
> challenging me at this hour?
> keep chanting for the tendies that are rightfully mine
> evil jew landlord tells mummy to shut me up
> naughty man. Making mummy's ladylettuce smell like sardines
> The war has begun.ctn
> enter sunrise. All Preparations are complete.
> nullifying any chance of escape I reeeee into mummies "office" on my valiant reinforced electric wheelchair
> douse jew in two jugs of poopyjuice before he can activate his spells
> evil jew is unable to battle!
> ram him into the corner and then leap off of my valiant steed and mount mummy's face
> NO NO NO NO NO NO MUMMY! YOUR PUNISHMENT MUST BE MORE SEVERE!!
> "URGH! YOU'RE CRUSHING ME SWEET-- OH GOD HELP ME PLEASE NO!!"
> Groan as I release a big boy turd so nasty her fingernails begin to peel backwards
> gaze into her eyes as the impact sends mummy into panic attack
> expel the last of my poopies on the sheet. How many times must I break you?
> tidy up my toys and waddle into kitchen to await my spoils
> slithery jew slithers out of my castle and says we don't need to worry about rent ever again
> mummy finally arrives visibly shaken and broken inside
> opens the freezer to make my tendies and blows them until they are cool
> "mummy you have to chew them for me"
> mummy breaks down in tears and screams for death
> yawn, give myself 5 extra GBP and fall asleep without eating them.

>>674581981
> douse jew in two jugs of poopyjuice before he can activate his spells
> evil jew is unable to battle!

Kek! how do you even come up with shit like that?

>>674550532
Is that you Cartman?

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>>674550532

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>Birthday last week
>Mama got me the counterstrike source cake I wanted
>Get a card from grammy
>"Enjoy your birthday, sorry I couldn't be there sweety, I hope you can use this"
>A lot of weird green bills in there
>Mamas eyes get big
>Ask her what these are
>"It's money, I use it to buy your chicken and videogames"
>"Can I trade it for good boy points?"
>"Yes you can, of course you can"
>then new daddy walks into the room
>smells like smoke and adult apple juice
>slaps mamas butt
>sees the money
>"I need this for the poker game tonight"
>Mama says no, I traded it with her
>He slaps her faces butt now
>Mama screams
>I'm sitting there eating my cake
>Ask her when dinner is ready
>She says I gotta help her
>This FUCKING NORMIE
>ASKS ME
>TO HELP HER
>ON MY OWN BIRTHDAY
>take off all my clothes and jump on the table
>Press my willy in the cake and run to mama screaming at the top of my lungs flailing my arms
>hit mama in the belly
>hear a loud oomf
>new daddy looks at me
>I look at him
>I get down on my knees and grab his crotch
>he goes back and asks me what I'm doing
>I just wanted to show him I can be mama too
>Run at him and bite him in his crotch
>even though he wore pants he dropped to the ground crying
>now everyone was crying
>my diaper has been full the whole time
>put some cake in diaper since mama isnt changing it and feed it to new daddy
>new daddy never came back after the poker game
>mama made me chicken tendies on a pizza that night
>she didn't even charge my good boy points
>best 40th birthday ever

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>>674583320
>>best 40th birthday ever
Fucking lost it

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>2am. Hungry
>Grab my bitch summoning stick. Bang it on the wall until Mommy arrives
>She takes ages to arrives. She's pregnant from some new daddy who then dumped her
>Tell her I'm hungry and want to go to Burger King
>"No Anon, it's late. I have to work tomorrow
>Tell her it's no wonder new daddy left after knocking her up and if she's not nicer to her Good Boy, he'll leave her too.
> Her eyes well up and she drives me to Burger King.
>I get a kid's meal and play with my toys for a while.
>Tell Mommy I want to be the Burger King and to get me a cardboard BK crown.
>She asks the manager but he says they're all out.
>I start screeching REEEEEEEE but Mommy says there's nothing she can do as there's no other Burger King's open at this hour.
>She drives me home. I sulk and watch Kung Fu Panda.
>I get an idea. I hide behind the couch and call Mommy into the room.
> When she arrives I kung fu chop her in the belly
>She rolls around on the ground, crying that she thinks I've hurt the baby.
>I pour my piss jug on her head and demand she apologises for not making me the Burger King and tells me I'm the best at Kung Fu.
>She keeps sobbing so I lock her in the cupboard until she learns her lesson.
Fucking normies, they never learn.

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>>674575249
>>674575999
>mom needs to bring food into my room because anxiety
>sheets often get dirty and my room smells like shit
>mom cleans my room on a weekly basis
>always accompany mom and hold onto cart when in grocery stores
>get what I want such as chocolates or tendies (literally)
>always fap in my underwear and toss used clothes to a corner in room
>mom comes in to wash them on weekly basis
>she always wishes me good night while she treats my normie sisters like shit
>literally mommy's good boy
>I am 27 years old and my sisters are in high school

>>674585367
Are you not like... ashamed of yourself?
I feel bad for your mum.

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Baby wakes up in the morning hungry for his tendie meal
He starts shouting for his mummy, and so loudly it's unreal
"Wanna eat my chickie tendies, so please give them to me now,
And don't forget to bring the ranch, you fat, ungrateful cow"
Mummy comes in with a smile on her face
"Just a second hun", sounds like she knows her place
After just a minute comes my favorite food in bed
And I sit there eating chicken, happy baby has been fed

Mummy comes back later for my dirty dish and plate
And now I need more tendies to properly satiate
So I throw the plate at mummy and I tell her what I need
But I threw the plate so hard at her that she began to bleed
Mummy took my good boy points away
And she told me that I will be grounded for today
This is an injustice for the good boys everywhere
Time to release plan B inside of my underwear

I sit in my bed and then I have to concentrate
And release manifestation of my overwhelming hate
And when all is said and done,that is when I begin to bawl
Mummy comes back in, because she's at my beckon call
I watch her face when she smells the smell
"This is it dear mummy, this is my personal hell"
"Baby made a poo poo and needs mummy to change"
"Don't forget my good boy points, cuz I yelled out your name"

The morally of the story is that baby's always right
Gotta put mummy in place when she puts up a fight
She will try to ground you, but try as she might
When she messes with baby there is no end in sight
Cherry Coke is such a joy
To go with chicky tendies for mummy's little boy
And in the morning we will do this all again
That's why daddy left us, as he is not our friend

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>Need to poop
>Shit jugs are all full
>Brainwave: if I empty all my shit jugs AND poopoo in the toilet, I get double Good Boy Points and can eat tendies all weekend
>Grab armfulls of shit jugs and head to the bathroom.
>Spill some shit jugs on the way, don't care Mummy will clean up
> Sit on toilet, my big beautiful bottom spills over the side, begin pooping.
>My bowl movement sounds like a pipe being unclogged
>Release putrid farts
>Dump my shit jugs into the bowl until the poopoo is overflowing and covering the seat.
>"MUMMY MUMMY! COME LOOK WHAT YOUR SPECIAL GOOD BOY HAS DONE!"
>Mummy comes in, sees the shit trail leading to the toilet, the overflowing bowl and smells my flatulence.
>She starts crying, obviously proud of her Best Boy.

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>>674555039
I'm... I'm not sure about anything anymore...

>>674588888 get!

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>enjoying my yummy tummy tendies and masturbating to super princess peach
>typical monday night
>suddenly notice its almost 2:30 am
>icarly reruns at 2:30 am
>there is an astonishing lack of icarly and or tvs in my lair
>call my poopnosed mommy
>she doesn't come in
>wait for a patient 5 seconds minimum
>call again
>no answer, the bitch is still sleeping
>she has no idea who she's dealing with
>hit my head against the wall and start screaming
>i can see her wake up from acoss the hall
>threaten to kill myself again
>finally she comes in
>it's about time
>says some shit about bothering the whole apartment complex and how she has to go to work tomorrow
>doesn't realize i don't care
>tell her to get the tv in here
>"anon, you already have 3 tvs sweetie"
>"no mommy, i want the new tv in here"
>she sighs and tells me to get up and go to the living room myself if i want to watch it
>sheathe my katana
>politely explain that i have 1 tv for each show i watch and none of the tvs are made for icarly
>stupid cunt doesn't understand that watching another show on the wrong tv completes imbalance
>whore didn't learn that that's the reason why i burnt the last house down
>"fine, but only if you clean up your poopoo jugs while im gone"
>that fucking cunt telling me what to do
>while the bitch is gone empty the shitjugs into her bed as punishment
>come back
>she's still struggling to get the damn thing in here
>take another poopoo on the ground to pass the time and show her who's boss
>the staggering wench comes in here
>slips on the poopoo
>tv falls on her head
>she stops moving
>blood comes from behind
>dont care, tv's in my room
>plug it in
>realize ill have to watch the tv from top-down because stupid whore is trapped underneath
>dont care, it's pretty funny
>turn on tv.
>buzz-lightyear of star command comes on
>look at the clock
>it's 2:30 pm
>PM
>Take another shit on my mom for making me fuck up again

>>674588336
Get!

>be me
>5 yrs
>getting babysitter by 8/10 qt3.14
>she gives me timeout
>genuis plan
hehe.jpg
>piss in her coffee later on in the the day
>i think she might have seen
>here her on phone later
>"yes, anon was urinating in my coffee"
ofuck.gif
>never babysitter again
>mfw i pissed in a 16 yr old girls coffee
>mfw that was the last time a girl saw my penis
>mfw

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>be me
>be in mummy wummy's attic
>hear mummy and new daddy making the Forrest Gump sounds
>decide it's time to cash in GBP cache
>503 GBP
>this means soooooo many tendies
>Swing open mummy's door and see new daddy pumping cucumber in mummy
>"mummy i need tendie-wendies!"
>"fuk off m8" screechies new daddy as he spews mayonaise
>begin to cry
>run to attic
>spirit broken
>get on tumblr and read about self harm
>time to show mummy how much i love the tendies
>take katana and begin James Franco-ing my limbs ie 127 hrs
>ketchup & bbq all over
>bread myself in pee pee jars and baby powder
>roll to mummy's door
>mfw she's at the door crying
>mfw im human tendie

>>674586390
It's "Beck AND Call" you dumb froglet

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>wake up at 5pm, earlier than usual
>reach for a wee wee jug and start beating it against the floor rhythmically
>"TENDIES TENDIES FOR MY TUMMY, PUT SOME IN THE OVEN MUMMY"
>hear a wail from downstairs
>she always cries since new daddy left
>notice the wee wee jug split and is leaking
>oh well, throw it at the wall for mummy to clean up later
>flip on my surround-sound system bought with a year's worth of GBP
>one and only song on repeat
>"NA NA, NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA KATAMARI DAMACY"
>hear an even louder wail from downstairs
>silly normies not appreciating music
>figure my tendies are about due
>grab another jug, pound it on the floor
>"TENDIES TENDIES GOLDEN BROWN, MUMMY COOKS THEM BEST IN TOWN"
>mummy gets very upset
>"I CAN'T DO THIS ANY MORE ANON, I'M SORRY"
>hear something smash and the door slams
>wait for her to bring me my tendies
>wait half a fucking hour for that lazy bitch
>have to drag MYSELF out of my sports car bed and down the stairs into the kitchen
>no mummy
>broken plate on the floor, tendies still in the oven, nicely done but cold
>ah well, some honey mustard will make things all better
>look in the cupboard
>NO FUCKING HONEY MUSTARD

now I know why she said she couldn't do it any more

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>at new daddy's country cabin for the weekend while the house is fumigated
>him and mummy go out for the day, leave me in my race car bed that mummy carried all the way here on the bus because she can't afford gas any more
>noon rolls around, hungry
>get out of bed, unlock the baby gate they set up (she doesn't know I know how, dumb bitch) and go into the kitchen/hall area in search of din dins
>NO FUCKING TENDIES
>just spam and jerky and soup in the cupboards and frozen deer in the freezer
>pile all the spam cans up and go pee pee on them to show what I think of this
>fucking normies don't have the first clue about nutrition, this is a fucking outrage
>go into new daddy's bedroom, maybe he keeps an emergency stash of tendies hidden like I do
>look under his bed
>nothing there but a load of magazines with pictures of ladies wearing no clothes and some men too
>there fucking MUST be tendies nearby because the magazines are covered in ranch
>notice a shoebox a little further back
>grab it and bring it out, it's heavy. These must be his tendies, quite a few of them too
>open it
>it's a gun
>looks like a Glock 17, I can tell from extensive experience in Counter-Strike
>take it out and pretend I'm in Wanted, making the bullet curve around the doorway and hitting Chad on the other side
>"HAHA FUCK YOU CHAD YOU SHIT I BET YOU REGRET THOSE WEDGIES NOW-"
>suddenly there's a loud crash in the hall and a man's voice shouting
>fill my diaper and start shaking
>the gun goes off, I go deaf and drop it
>crawl under the bed and squeeze my eyes shut
>work up the courage to check things out after a few minutes
>new daddy is lying in a pile of spam cans, ouchie-juice leaking from his abdomen
>mummy is crying over him and on the phone to the police

this is going to cost some hefty GBP

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>finally give in to mummy's demands and take a trip to the mall
>in Walmart, browsing tendies
>comparing two brands while singing the tendies song under my breath
>"tendies tendies ten-dies, 'til the hunger end-ies"
>start tapping my foot
>"ten-dies ten-dies ten-dies, don't share them with your friend-ies"
>start dancing in the aisle
>sing at the top of my voice
>"OH TENDIES TENDIES TEN-DIES, GOTTA LOVE THEM TEN-DIES"
>security approaches me and asks me to leave because I'm scaring people
>I keep singing and dancing, pretending they're not there
>rip open a bag of tendies and start scattering them in the air like confetti as I bop down the aisle
>one hits a small child in the eye, it starts mewling
>the mother comes over and starts yelling at me
>can't hear you, bitch
>and then she fucking slaps me
>she SLAPS. ME.
>YOU DO NOT FUCKING TOUCH ANON GOODBOY UNLESS YOU ARE FEEDING HIM, CHANGING HIM OR TUCKING HIM IN
>give her a hard shove
>she falls on her bum
>grab a handful of frozen tendies and force feed them to her while singing at the top of my voice
>security guard tries to tase me
>the prongs bounce off my armoured trenchcoat
>slowly turn to face him with what I think is a triumphant grin
>he's holding a little canister
>starts spraying it in my face
>hah, good luck getting that pepper spray past these shades fucko
>start laughing and breathe some of it in accidentally
>OH FUCK THIS SHIT BURNS LIKE THE SPICIEST MEMES
>lash out, hit him in the head and he falls over
>scratching at my throat, can barely breathe
>nose is gushing snot
>swallow some and start puking
>slip on my puke and fall on the floor
>start punching myself in the head and kicking the floor while screaming
>manage to shout "FUCKING NORMIES WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME" in between bouts of retching
>police arrive and cuff me
>fall asleep in the police car and wake up chained to bed with a note reading "Anon, I'm deducting 1000 GBP for your frankly disgusting behaviour"

>mfw I still have 9863 GBP left over

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thank you so much for this thread anons it is fucking amazing

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>mummy says she can't afford to look after me and pay for all my tendies and my WoW subscription
>tells me I should apply for that part time job at Lickin' Chicken to help with the bills
>start hyperventilating, going extremely red like a tomato (YUCK!)
>who does that bitch think she is
>hit her in her stupid old face with my fists and scream at her until she stops talking and leaves
>flash forward several weeks
>mummy hasn't talked about me getting a job since then
>she gets dressed up in fishnet stockings and very red lipstick and goes out all night, every night now, leaving chicken tendies in the microwave that I have to go all the way downstairs to heat up myself
>mfw
>later I find out mummy sent in an application to Lickin' Chicken for me and I got an interview
>I'm sitting in my swimming shorts on my big meowth cushion (MEE-OWTH THAT'S RIGHT!) trying to play WarioWare Touched on my Nintendo when she tells me about it
>MUMMY SHUT UP. SHUT UP MUMMY I'M TRYING TO BEAT ASHLEY
>fucking cunt hole tries to reason with me so I tell her
>WHO'S THE GIRL NEXT DOOR LIVING IN A HAUNTED MANSION YOU BETTER LEARN MY NAME CAUSE I'M ASHLEY
>jump up and down stomping my feet
>at the interview mum tries to stop me playing my DS
>I keep headbutting her until she lets me carry on
>the stupid man interviewing me asks me what I could bring to Lickin' Chicken
>keeping my eyes glued to the screen, I stand up and start a one-man conga around the small office singing I LIKE CHICKEN TENDIES. THE FLAVOUR NEVER ENDIES.
>stupid man asks me and mum to leave
>I didn't get the job, whatever, fucking normies said I would only earn 200 a week, I can make that just by staying in my bed all night and not getting into mummy's bed. Ka-ching!

>>674552056
Nerve gas

>>674554857
Multiple punctuation marks are the sign of a dangerously unstable mind.

>>674563537
Hahahhahhaha
>just think up
Kek

SPOILERS: Stomaches don't growl. That growling sound is a person spying on you. The thing that makes the growling sound is an anal probe.

Trying too hard: the thread.

The sort of people who find this shit funny are either screeching obnoxious twelve year olds or people who find it a little too relatable.

Fuck this meme.

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>be Wednesday morning
>bed wet from broken pee pee bottle
>scream for mummy
>roll off my bed
>legs no longer support my weight
>slowly inch out of room into hall way
>someone is in the hall
>its not mummy
>new daddy is coming towards me putting his peener back into his pants
>new daddy sees me
>spits in my face
>"if you don't get back into your bed I'm deducting GBP and reverting to pre-inflation earnings."
>can't move to bed
>my body is too large and my tummy wants tendies
>new daddy starts to kick me
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>Grab poo poo pee pee bottle from my neck belt
>old daddy gave me it
>hung me from the fan and played airplane until fan broke
>pull out my peener and spray pee pee over the wall while rolling down the hall
>Mummy comes in and tightens my neck belt until I go to sleep
>mfw wake up to tendies
>mfw no more daddy

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>4:AM because i am hard core gamer like OP
>playing tf2 looking at a pony spray
>get killed by demonigger
>rage and nearly shit myself
>get hungies so go to kitchen to get hot pocket
>none left
>tip toe to mommy's room
>open door its dark and shes asleep
>belly flop on the floor and do a tactical lizard crawl to her bedside
>wake her and tell her to go to kroger to get more pepperoni hot pockets
>"no honey i have work tomarrow i-"
>karate chop her belly
>she dosent say anything and leaves
>return to computer
>minimize tf2 and open e621 tab to fap to some sexy hentai until mummy gets back with my yummy pockets
>hear door open she throughs them on the counter and retreats to her room
>look at box
>fucking ham and cheese
>told that bitch pepperoni
>fling her door open and nail that bitch in the eye with frozen box
>also fling piss jug while screaming "JARATE" like the sniper in tf2
>make her go back and get the correct one
>she even brought back baja blast from taco bell just to be sure i was sated
>mfw

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>went caca in toilet this morning and got 70GBP
>mama asked me what do I want to spend my GBP on?
>combat roll across the floor and jab her in the womb for asking such a silly question
>"CHICKEN TENDIES OF COURSE YOU DUMB CUNT OR I POOPOOPEEPEE IN YOUR JEWELLERY BOX AGAIN"
>"Of course, mamas little prince can have whatever he wants"
>she walks away wincing from the uterine mincing and goes to work
>I go back to the big boy computer and play club penguin
>dinner time rolls around and my tummy is making hungry boy noises
>I go and sit at the table, but mama and the tendies are not there
>I begin to screech until my tendies arrive
>the sun sets and spooky outdoor noises start
>mama arrives from work but with no tendies
>"I thought we could just order out tonight anon"
>the stupid bitch obviously doesn't realise that I spent all day in the club penguin dojo, honing my skills for this eventuality
>flop to the floor and expose my bummy and release the caca I stored from eating my club penguin time doritos
>mama begs me to stop, saying she'll go back out and catch the 3 buses to the store
>"IT IS NOW TOO LATE, POOPOO IS YOUR ONLY FATE!"
>she left the house in tears

This was three days ago and she hasn't come back yet. I've drunk all the nourishment I can get from my pissbottles, what do I do now? Did I do something wrong /b/?

>>674596515
Anon you should be fine for about a week, though you will have to drink casual water to survive.

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>go to shitty arcade with family
>see some shooting game where you sit in a booth
>sister and I get in the booth
>she sits on my lap
>i'm intrigued
>she starts grinding on my dick
>OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
>she's wearing yoga pants
>i can feel it all
>take my dick out
>she grabs it hard and I splooge everywhere
>tells me she wants to fuck me
>get home, about to fuck my little sister
>get into my bed, nice and cozy
>wait a bit, no sister, just a familiar smell
>smells like home
>realize i've fallen asleep
>wake up
>i panic but i realize i'm safe and secure
>my shitjugs surround me, like guards watching a beautiful prince sleep
>my fedora waits for me, like my crown, waiting to sit a top my greasing locks
>my gaming chair is still stained with my cum, ready for me to sit my un-wiped ass on it
>there's that smell again, so cozy, so familiar, what is it?
>the smell is shit leaking out of my diapee
>no one to change it
>mummy is with new daddy
>FURIOUS
>WAKE UP TO NO FUCKING TENDIES
>NORMIE MUM SPENDING TIME WITH NEW DADDY!
>LAST FUCKING TIME I GO WITHOUT SLEEP UNTIL I GET MY FUCKING TENDIES AND GBP!
>GO UPSTAIRS, KILL NEW DADDY, MAKE MUMMY MAKE MY FUCKING TENDIES
>SAVAGELY RAPE HER WHILE SHE FEEDS THEM TO ME!
>"NO ANON, NO MORE!"
>"TELL ME MY DICK IS BIG MUMMY. TELL ME! I WILL GO BATTY!"
>SHE DOESN'T RESPOND! UNACCEPTABLE!
>I FUCKING THROW HER IN THE OVEN!
>MAKE HER INTO A CHICKEN TENDIEE
>"NO MORE GBP! NO MORE GBP!"
>I SLOWLY RAPE AND EAT MUMMY'S CORPSE!
>wake up, realize it's just a dream
>open the fridge to eat some leftover tendiess
>find leftover mummy
>delicious
>rape her dead mouth
>feel tired and sickly after a whole week of no GBP
>i've made a mistake
>i crawl back into the warm, disemboweled corpse of New Daddy
>fall asleep
>never wake up

>>674594664
People who don't are the ones who find it too relatable

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>mama says that she'll stop with the GBP
>I yell that she's a stupid slut, and that this is exactly why dada left when I was in High School
>burst off into my room
>think about why she'd hand out GBP in the first place
>come that to the conclusion that it's all an elaborate ruse set up by the Jews to control ME
>post on /pol/ about the Jew's mind controlling devices
>realize that all morals are relative, and that the only just punish is to punish those who hurt you
>go down the first few steps on the staircase
>dumb slut watching TV
>"mommy, I have forgiven you"
>ask her whether she could make some chicky tendies
>mama actually makes them
>sneak into kitchen
>stab her and cut her open like the stupid fucking goose she is
>grab a tendie
>eat it and blink into her dead face
>poop my pants
>"poo poo pee pee, now mama has to change me"
>take off shit-stained underwear
>force it down her throat
>good job, mama!

>>674573065
lol this american here, honestly i find this stories cringe and makes me feel bad reading them.

Guys keep the thread alive.

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>I've been a good boy and save up 50 GBP this week
>now I can dine on tendies ALL WEEKEND
>lunch goes smoothly enough. got a nice hot plate of tendies and sauce
>my tummy starts to growl later and I know it time for dinner
>I leave my room and head downstairs
>"mummy! time for din din! its tendie time!"
>mumma is on the couch watching a movie with another new daddy
>lazy bitch. but who cares as long as I get my tendies
>"Sorry anon but you know the rules! tendies only once a day! just heat up some bagel bites and leave me and my friend alone."
>fucking liar! theres no such rule posted on the GBP chart! and bagel bites ! what an insult!
>she'll learn
>wait until 2 hours past my beddie bye time
>grab my pee pee spitton and my hidden pair of mummys underwear to wear as a mask
>interrupt her and new daddy playing in her room
>"LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE CHCKEN TENDIES IS WHAT I DESIRE?!"
>start spinning around like taz from loony toons spraying my pee pee all over
>new daddy is screaming and mum is crying

and here i am. eating breakfast tendies in bed like a king. New daddy even said he was going to show me his new gun in the woods

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>sitting at kitchen table playing Pokemon Mystery Dungeon
>mumsie hunched over stove making my chicken tendies
>fucking bitch cunt whore is taking too long
>literally feel my poor, starved stomach rumbling and bubbling
>pick up the knife and fork she's laid out for me and start banging them rhythmically on the table
>'WE WANT DINNER'
>'WE WANT DINNER'
>stupid cum-sucking prostitute says, 'Please Anon, they're almost ready'
>I continue my aural assault in defiance of her fascist regime, banging the heavy cutlery harder and harder onto the kitchen table, faster and faster
>'WEWANTDINNERWEWANTDINNERWEWANTDINNER'
>streetwalking slag bursts into tears and dishes me up a plate of undercooked turkey twizzlers
>look at her
>she looks at me
>enough.jpg
>therevolutionbegins.bat
>itshabbening.swf
>using my ninja skills I leap onto mummy's face and scratch at her eyes like a deranged baboon, clinging to her with my legs
>the HIV-contracting slut-hole screams in pain, deafeningly and endlessly
>doesn't think for a moment about MY suffering
>still clinging to her, I fart three times into her face for emphasis, heavy, cloying exhalations of gas that will hover around for hours to come
>leave her on the floor and go watch Tom and Jerry while eating my twizzlers

Thanks for nothing, bitch.

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>>674562780
>staff tries to stop me but I am too quick and too slippery
Fyck.

>>674594950
>Mummy comes in and tightens my neck belt until I go to sleep

Holy Kek!

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>Be in my bed after crashing from a LoL binge
>Shitstained undies starting to stink up a storm
>Sweat coagulating in a thick, gel layer on my skin, literal crumbs falling out of my two inch neck beard
>I guess it's time for my monthly shower
>Waddle down to my shower
>3 am, lights all off. Use my 2DS as a flash light
>Get to shower, clean as a whistle since mummy uses it too
>Shower, cleaning the dingle berries and solidified shit from my asscrack
>Touching my sphincter causes me to shit
>A huge amount of fecal matter comes flying out of my ass, cum from the anal stimulation
>Leave shower immediately, still dripping wet (that way I get EXTRA clean)
>No more poo poo inside of me means it's time for a third dinner
>Take chicken from fridge and bread them
>Put a few shots of fireball in the egg for the breading
>The uncooked tendies are wet and slimy like my turds, get grossed out and puke on the floor
>Heat up oil on the stove in a pot
>Rapidly boiling oil
>Mommy always adds water to the oil to make the tendies more moist
>Add an entire cup of water to the rapidly boiling oil
>Steam and insanely hot oil explode onto my face
>Fall to the ground as the oils heat peels and blisters the skin off my face
>6 AM Comes by, mommy comes downstairs to get ready for work
>Finds me, my shit still in the shower, my vomit on the floor, and my horribly burnt oil on the stove
>Claims it was a miracle the house didn't burn down
>Brings me to hospital
>Tendies for lunch at hospital while my burn wounds are treated
>mfw

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>Here is the tale of a young future NEET.
>All he desired were tendies to eat.
>For lunch, they were serving a fresh, hot batch
>And in this young tard, a plan had hatched.
>You see, lunchtime had already passed,
>For our hero ate first with the special ed class.
>But this good little boy still remained hungies
>So a great tidal wave was unleashed from his undies
>Slippery, quick, and ever so fast,
>He ran with a speed no wrangler could match.
>Filled with disgust, they just let him run
>This was a battle the young tard had won.
>Our hero enters, covered in piss
>The lunchroom where the others ate with bliss
>His tummy rumbled as he sniffed the air
>Yes! There were sweet chicken tendies there!
>Undetected, across the floor he did slide
>Into the freezer where crispy treasures hide
>As he looked about, awe filled his eyes.
>More tendies than a million gbp buys!
>Fat and happy, he began his feast
>But opened the door, and entered a beast!
>The lunch lady howled, filled with rage,
>"STOP, TARD! GO BACK TO YOUR CAGE!"
>Our friend stood and smiled
>For still he smelled vile,
>"I WILL WATCH YOUR ANGER TURN TO FEAR
>FOR POOPY IN YOUR FUTURE IS NEAR"
>He grunted and pushed
>And gave birth to foul mush.
>He grinned and giggled as he produced more and more,
>His victim tried to run but fell on the floor
>It smelled of mustard and hot sriracha
>He grabbed both her wrists and whispered "Ha, gotcha!"
>She screamed and cried, but she had to pay
>For taking this tard's sweet tendies away.