>>669621592
>Sorry virgins, this thread is for chads only
Seems like you're the only virgin here, get out of this thread.

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>>669621592
>developed loli
GTFO
Also, your story isn't embarrassing, just Beta as fuck.

Couldn't stay hard the first time I got blown. That's about it.

>>669621592
First time. It was dark, I was nervous. Fucked the wrong hole. Not the ass. Not joking.

>>669621592

you FUCKING SUCK

>19
>gf at time was pissing me off
>told her that weekend im gonna fuck her so hard she will regret making me mad
>grabs my dick and says she cant wait
>the weekend
>throw her on bed
>rip pants down and panties down
>enter from behind
>two pump chump
>she laughs, and says that i really showed her
>i laugh
>spoon then go for round two

>>669621592
>15 year old developed loli girlfriend with amazing ass and nympho like tendencies
GOD DAMN YOU NERD YOU ARE DESCRIBING A HUMAN BEING LIKE YOUR FAVOURITE RPG SHOW THE STATS OF A CHARACTER. JESUS CHRIST GET OUT OF YOUR BASEMENT MORE OFTEN

>>669623323
+3 against Ogres...

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>Be me a couple of years ago
>About to do sex time with then gf
>Making out and squeezing tits
>Take off my pants and boxers
>Decide to try to to be sexy by crawling on the bed to her
>She looks at me and starts laughing super hard
>Wtf
>Realize I have half of one of those paper toilet seat covers stuck to my ass from taking a shit at a store earlier that day.

We had a good laugh about it and we still fucked.

>about to finish
>fart
>blame it on dog
>"I thought it was me anon"
>cumming while laughing

fucked the milfy manageress from my 1st job and came in about 2mins. thought i could style it out and kept pumping, maybe she didnt notice? she pushes me off slowly but forcefully and directly addresses the situation.

>girl on top
>went to slap her ass
>hooked hand over and slapped myself in the balls

>>669624338
Done this more times than I care to count

>Be seeing girl for about a month
>Fat as a whale
>Fuck her for some regrettable reason
>She had genital warts

>>669621592
>be me
>21, freshly out of 3 year long relationship (she cheated
>start hanging out with female friend from college, major 10/10, always wanted but never had a chance
>she has boyfriend
>dropping hints ALL NIGHT (ooh, i'm sorry about your breakup, if I was single I'd give you a blowjob
>If we lived together and I had a fight with my boyfriend and I just fucked you, would you be ok with that?
>your dick is uncut? I've never seen one, can I see it?
>we go shopping and she follows me into the dressing room
>we go out for dinner and she asks if we can go dancing after
>end up in my car
>"what if I kiss you, anon?"
>"YOUR BOYFRIEND WILL MIND

Mind you, I was freshly cheated on. I didn't want to be that guy.

>i kiss her
>she grabs my dick
>i tell her I love her
>lets go of dick, never see her again.

End of night.

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>>669621592
Got two situations OP
>be me a month ago
>desperate as fuck to get laid so i hit up tinder
>get chatting with 4/10 girl
>gril lives 80km (not far away but it was 2am)
>fuckit.jpg
>gril invites me over and i go over
>start with awkward and weird as fuck convos
>out of nowhere we are making out
>I pull her hair and she lets out a "daddy" and moans
>I play it off and just ignore (I'm not into daddy shit but I thought I was)
>she climbs on top and starts grinding
>I'm softer than a marshmallow
>I flip her off and begin to kiss down her body
>begin to eat her tiny pussy
>she warns me not to go work the clit too much
>I work the clit in overdrive
>she begins to squirm and orgasm
>She yells "MOVE! QUICK!"
>at this stage my eye is not even ten centimeters from her puss
>Before I can react she squirts directly into my eye, nose and mouth
>she lays there in ecstasy while I'm laying in a pile of piss
>trying not to vomit or yell at her
>Go from horny to wanting to cut my wang off in 0.2 seconds
>End up fucking her in the shower afterwards and then I bailed not even ten minutes aftwerwards

Pic related, it her

>>669625640
also lemme know if you want to hear number 2

>>669625209
>I tell her I love her

Fucking hell, dude.

>>669624338
I've done this so hard I had to ice my balls lmao

>>669625640
pls... have nothing to do

>>669625699
>>669625209
yea man, come on

>>669625640
Fuck man, I was in a LTR with a squirter for most of my adult life and it was my first sexual relationship. The novelty of that wore off quickly. She ruined SO MANY BEDSHEETS, the carpet, the couch, good lord. Everything smelled like piss. When I finally started another relationship she didn't squirt and it was amazing not to always have towels everywhere.

That shit is overrated up to eleven.

>on knees sucking bf off
>tell him to fuck my throat hard
>end up throwing up a little
>he cleans off and I finish him with a handjob

Two times in 7 years isn't bad I suppose (last time was interested in the whole leg lock thing I've seen in facial abuse, really like it and ask him to come that way, throw up a little when I pull back).

I think it's mainly a position thing, because he can go to town on top 69.

>>669621817
fucking roasted son

>>669625640
>4/10
Dude she looks like a solid 8 to me. But she is in my wheel house.

>>669626618
f a g e t

>>669622044
>implying beta shit shouldn't be embarassing

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I want to have sex with Mari.

>she's on top
>using cane on her back/ass underhand
>cane myself directly in the balls
>consider suicide
>balls hurt for days afterwards

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>>669622525
You make no sense. Not joking.

>fucked the wrong hole
>not the ass.

Huh?

>>669622525
???? wrong hole nt the ass? what other hole is there?

>>669622525
Wait did you have such a tiny prick you fucked her urethra?

>>669621592
>be me a few years ago
>7/10 girlfriend (she was a super slut and batshit crazy i broke it off when she started telling her mom everything we did and even let her mom scare her into not wanting to be with me, would always listen to her bitch friends who hated me for all the good i always did to me)
>just got home from date
>sexytime is a go
>we are fucking for hours
>i feel the load coming up
>point of no return
>WILD IDEA
>just as i blow my load i pull out and yell at the top of my lungs "SHOOP DA WOOP AHM A FIRIN MA LAAAZOORRR!
>BLAST her face and tits with an epic load
>she sits there blinking and confused with her face and tits covered in cum.
>i bust out laughing.
>she tells me to get out and not come back until i can fuck her right.

>>669625697
lets her it anon

>>669621592
>watching cartoons
>fucking her in ass
>she turns off tv
>I get upset
>dont finish
>still fucking her in butt hour later
>need my cartoons to get off

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>>669628047
bellybutton ????

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>>669625640
Situation 2
(backstory, ugly 3/10 girl has been trying to get with me for months and I dont want too because shes been with every guy i know)
>Be at a small party with pals
>girl that wants my dick is there, we will call her meat flaps
>I try to ignore meat flaps as much as I can
>the whole night meat flaps is hitting on me
>I begin to get black out drunk
>Im literally fucked, I start mixing drinks in a dinosaur watering can (pic related)
>sitting at the table while everyone is playing kings cup
>i mix red wine,those cowboy milk shots,beer,grape fanta,apple vodka,bacardi 151 and sour strawberry fanta and begin to drink the mixture from the dinosaur

About an hour goes past

>Only one still drinking and miraculously alive
>everyone is preparing to sleep and gone to their beds
>Im still sat at the table
>Im at that stage of drunk/highness that if I stand up i'll fall through the table
>meat flaps comes up and starts grinding on me
>she puts my hands on her body
>at this stage I thought I was calling for my mate but I was only doing it in my mind
>tell meat flaps i dont wanna and im drunk
>meat flaps doesnt care and escorts me into her parents room
>meat flaps begins to try and dirty talk me
>I resist with inch of my will
>meat flaps begs me to fuck her
>I finally give in
>I roll meat flaps on to her tummy so i can fuck her from behind
>Stick pasta noodle dick in her and begin to thrust
>I thrust not even three times and i need to cum
>I pull out with lighting speed
>I play it off by whispering "that's all you get" in her ear (she's into kinky dom shit)
>I lay there next to her while cumming in my hand
>five minutes past
>I rush to the bathroom and wash my dick with soap twice and clean my cum off
>rush out to living room where my friends had been sleeping (not even 2 metres away) and curl up underneath the reclined chair and fall asleep

>>669628165
>>she tells me to get out and not come back until i can fuck her right.
and that was the last time I ever saw kim kardashian

>>669627103
nah her face is terrible in action, she knows her angles and shit

>>669621592
It's rather embarrassing that i'm 23 and it's never happened

>>669626518
Yeah nah dude its fucked, first time with a squirter as well and she didnt let me know

>be 16 and have 16 year old gf
>wanting to have sex for a long time
>Finally get a condom from a friend
>Talk about how we can do it
>Get the courage to do it after school one day
>Hang out with her parents
>Sneak to her room, so we can "study"
>gives me head,I finger her
>"put it on anon"
>Starts trying to get it in, fail miserably
>give up,still hard
>ask if I can try again
>fine.jpg
>try again but her dad pops in
>yells and leaves the room
>we were too scared to try it. He was gone for 15 minutes.
>leave later and never have sex with her

>>669627812
i have done this.
ok my turn
>girlfriend and me fucking
>she is on all fours
>im squeezing her tits
>slappin her ass
>she grabs my balls and starts to caress them
>IRON GRIP ENGAGED! as she cums
>i scream in pain she screams in exstacy
>we fall over im balled up in pain she is flopped over in afterglow
>asks me why i didnt cum
>because you nearly crushed the twins you psycho!

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>>669628325
>I lay there next to her while cumming in my hand

>about to loose a V-card
>really stressed bout it, worry that im gonna do a doublechump and that will be it
>tell girl to get on top
>can't cum from stress
>she spent like 30 minutes riding my dick hard, got exhausted
>she got off me, saying "I didn't expect that", and fucking FALL asleep, leaving me confused with rock hard erection

I literally did what Jim from American Pie did,
came early, twice.
shit was so embarrassing.

another time I was drunk and need to fuck something quick because stress from class.
I picked up a girl from a bar, the morning after I woke up to a 3/10 with saggy tits. A good friend came pick me up and saw that creature, the story was told in the class for a semester.

>>669628681
>top fucking kek
this has happened to me, she thought she was being kinky, that's the worst

>be 15
>she be 16
>outside with snow but still dry enough on pavement to skate
>wants to stuck my dick
>freezing outside so it's quite small
>she feels me for abit and puts in her mouth
>tfw feels good.jpg

>finally get hard
>can't get near to cumming
>tfw try over 9000

>thinking of the most filthy hardcore sex iv seen on the interwebz
>start getting closer
>closer
>nearly there zomg im cumming

>she goes super deep throat on me
>I pull about every fucking muscle in my neck/back/glutes
>the biggest fuckin fart comes out from the gates of hell
>tfw have I just shat myself?

>she bursts out laughing with cum in her mouth
>comes out her nose and all over my cold and now shrivelled dick

>tfw still had rollerblades on
>roll slowly home
>she texts saying I tasted good
>successful first bj

>>669622525

BEST POST EVER

>>669627103
>she looks like a solid 8
look again

>>669625640
What are you gay?
You didnt drink the piss

>>669628000
>>669628276
Pee-hole you idiots. Learn biology.

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>>669629003
>successful first bj
kek

>>669629308
You must be the unluckiest motherfucker on the planet to manage to have a dick small enough to fit into a urethra.

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>>669629170

>>669629170
she fucking high pressure jetted my tonsils

>>669629003
This has never happened.

>>669629308
>calls it the pee-hole
>encourages others to seek education
do as i say not as i do eh bruv?

>>669625209
youre the shit anon and i mean that

>>669629003
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

>>669629308
Lol I figured you were retarded as shit. At least that is straightened out.

> greentext

>>669629787
>witty reply

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>>669629075
She's the girl in the middle anon with the gray top.
I was trying to get in with her friends for a laugh, unfortunately though they are too close to each other and word spread after fucking the girl on the right of the grey crop top girl

I'd rather be a virgin than a pedophile.

> be me at 18
> night, fucking gf at her father's room
> her father had left for hours
> suddenly heard steps near the door
> the old man had returned
> oh_fuck.jpg
> hit me so strong as a thousand meteors
> gf run away naked
> everyone sees me get rekt naked and gf 5/10 naked in the streets
> I broke a teeth

>>669627721
wrong thread boy

>>669630158
Sorry, anon, maximum 5/10

>this one Time I was absolutely smashed
>some girl 6\10 I was drinking with takes me back to hers
> not sure on the details but not complaining
> made me food and took her clothes off fuck yeah
> managed to get hard and fuck
> fucked for like 2 hours and I couldn't Cum kept losing hard
> it's getting day light
> feeling hungover , tired, and dehydrated + she's not enjoying any more
> cowboy position I'm hitting it and my LEFT LEG CRAMPS
> holy shit slows down
> cramp goes start again and my fucking RIGHT LEG CRAMPS
>she gets off and goes to sleep, she's finished and I didn't

>>669626618
a real man keeps fucking you face after you puke

>havent gotten laid in about a year
>on the cupid site
>talking to some fat girl who seems pretty easy
>she sends me semi nudes, looks fat but managable
>worried about how fat she is but it is an easy fuck
>go over to her place
>she is like five times fatter than imagined, looks like a fucking ball
>she wants pizza the whole time
>when she walks her arms stick out
>i just want to get off without doing anything
>she is sick of 1 night stands
>just makes out with me
>i try not to wretch
>get a boner and at least try to get a handy
>she rubs it over my pants (surprisingly well) for a while then stops " i have to give you a reason to come back here"
>go to bathroom to calm down
>watch tv for thirty minutes then bounce
>whole drive home im dry heaving
>she gets super clingy and i use that as an excuse to not see her again. lol

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Hooked up with a girl. We learned she had lock jaw while I was getting a bj.
I panicked and pulled my dick out full force leaving my dick red, inflamed and in pain.
Few months retold this story to my friends and they respond with
"Why didn't you just wait to you got soft?"

>>669628165
>a few years back
and not
>when i was 12 and found out memes existed
you faggot

>>669621592
> I'm alpha but one of my first experiences
> be me 16 in HS stay at school late with gf 14
> decided to mess around horny as fuck
> sitting in chair her in my lap secluded classroom of school
> pretty late so not much students around
> gf put hand in boxers barely touch my cock
> I cum all over her hand embarassed as fuck
> try to save face tell her its normal to get 1 out of the way before we fuck
> get her on a desk spreadeagled start to fuck janitor walks in on us
> scared shitless she gets scared decides to call it off
> next day get to school rumor around school me and gf fucked in classroom yday
> we fucked but I came before we fucked and didn't when we did fuck lmfao

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>>669621592
Did she realize you were retarded afterwards?

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>>669630158
I wouldn't say she's that bad. Maybe a butter face. 6.5/10 imo. Would fuck.

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>>669631270
u can have this pic then anon good job

>>669627481
But embarrassing isn't necessarily beta, faggot

>>669621592

>Be 14
>Out at the beach with my aunt and her friend from work
>Get super horny at the beach
>Nearly fully erect for like 3 hours
>Get into the car to go home
>Aunt bring up comment about erection
>Adjust bathing suit I'm still wearing to give me room
>Penis come out because of erection
>Shock and having two women look at me makes me blow
>Unleash volcano of cum on windshield, dashboard, self and aunt driving
>Aunt grabs my penis and strokes away, her friend cups my balls
>Both help me finish
>Orgasm lasts over a minute
>Pass out
>Wake up dressed, cleaned and in bed
>We never spoke of it ever again
>tfw the look of a wet one piece gets me harder than steel

>>669622525
>I dicked her urethra

That is actually kind of impressive hows it like having an Asian dick?

>>669631179
>I'm alpha
lol this faggot felt like he needed to tell us that he is an alpha
sure hun we belive you

>>669631911
Things that didn't happen for $200

>>669625209
My god. I would have fucked her so much that night up until that point. Seriously my dude, the changing room? And you didn't even?

>>669632116
Hahaha lmfao made my day anon this place never ceases to amaze me man first greentext I ever posted here too all true tho

>>669629504
Actually When I talk to people idiot enough to doesn't know there is 3 holes, I say pee hole too ... cause you know (at least it will be credible for them)

>>669631911
You're a faggot liar.

>>669622525
What the hell are you saying? THE URETHRA? HER FUCKING NOSE?

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>>669632283
bait

>>669629003
The most embarrassing part of this story is the Rollerblades.

>>669631179
nobody on /b is alpha quit lieing.

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>>669621592

>first time sex
>dick into pussy
>cum afer 3 secs

after that she wanted to cuddle but i wanted to game. so i messaged my friend to call me.
when he called i prentended i was in shock and told the girl my uncle was in the hospital

she left
i gamed

>>669632626
my mum told me im alpha

>>669631911
Omg dude how did you Cum so much amazing wow

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>>669621592
This is my most embarrassing sex story. At first I thought what the hell, but then I realized my mistake and felt like a disgusting fool for the next month.

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>>669621592
Lol you're such a faggot OP. You're one of those creepy weirdos that everyone looks down upon but you have somehow convinced yourself that you are cool. Seriously ? First off if you can't find someone your own age, your most likely a loser. Secondly, crying after sex..with someone underage? You are the ultimate fucking faggot. Chances are she left you for a real man soon after

>>669630158
I'd fuck her and let her squirt in my face.

>>669632626
You wish btw don't put others in the same category as you beta fag lmfao
>>669632505
bait? huh

>>669632928
go for it, shes grot and your tiny dick will fit in her tiny cunt perfectly

Not most embarrassing, but here's one

>be me
>be fucking my girlfriend cowgirl
>go to slap her ass, instead I slap my jimmies

Shit hurt, man. We laughed

Finally get the chance to fuck 8.5/10 I'd been after for a long time.
Go limp after being inside her for a whopping 2 minutes.
She's nice enough to give me a handjob to get me hard again.
Feelstoogoodman...can't take it anymore.
Cum all over her.
Beta as fuck.

>>669632884
>your own age
They're 3 years apart nigger... where did you grow up that a 3 year age difference isn't completely normal, esp with the guy being 3 years older than the girl?

>>669621592
Why the fuck did you cry? Jesus Christ

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>>669631911

>>669632406

you know the p hole is so small it cant be seen by the naked eye right

>>669628325
>mixing drinks in a dinosaur watering can

Is there any other way to do it?

>Be quite kid in school, not awkward just reserved
>Go to a huge highschool house party for the first time
>Drink 12 coronas and a shit ton of shnapps
>Wtf is this feeling
>Super drunk, beer goggles are a go
>Meet this 5/10 super skinny college shit
>Chatting her up, she wants the fucking D
>Next think I know, I'm fucking her in the middle of the party with everyone cheering me on
>Cum inside her and blackout drunk ensures
>Wake up next to her in the morning still drunk, fuck her and cum inside again
>Tfw we have to drive together to get plan b pills
>Tfw we don't even know each other's names
>Too fucking awkward

one time i slepped myself in the balls

>be 19 with gf in car
>go down
> TFW when she squirts all over leather seats
> will armor all wipe later
> let's go under the stars.
> fuck for seconds before she screams and shoves me.
> she is allergic to ants
> ants love lady juices?
> quarter size welts all around ass thighs etc
> no sex for weeks
>cleaned the fuck out a my car

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>>669633231
Specifically at that time period. You know, when it's considered rape if you have sex with her?

I thought that would have been implied. I have been with people who were 5+ years older than me. But I'm in my early 20's.

It's just weird, and socially looked down upon for a reason.

>>669621592
fucking pussy, im 25 and can cum 3 times without losing my erection and even then it only softens a little

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>>669630592
>hit me so strong as a thousand meteors.

reminds me of image familiar.

>bf eats me out
>i fart him in the face

nothing more I can say to this

>>669632884
>with someone underage?
>15
being this americentric

>>669633813
>You know, when it's considered rape if you have sex with her?
Again I'm forced to ask where you grew up...

>>669634013
Gf's queefed in my face while i was eating her out. How am I supposed to feel when this happens. Idk.

>>669622525
Literally impossible unless your dick has the girth of a needle. Virgin detected.

>>669634013
Had an ex fart in my face one time. She was bent over and I was eating her out from behind. She came really hard and farted. My nose was literally touching her asshole.

>>669634208
In the US. Yes, I have a more 'American' view of this because I do live here and have lived here all my life. Just like you have a perspective that is slanted towards where ever you grew up , Europe?

It's not the end of the world. It is technically considered rape though, at least where I live. So that by itself is something. 15 y/o will always be hooking up with 18 y/o though

>>669634304
You need to kill her, to preserve your honor.

>>669634512
I felt it open and close. It was weird. Didn't really mind.

>>669634512
did you break up with her because of that?

>be in college
>drunk as a skunk
>dancing with neighbor at bar
>she walks away for minute to get drink
>go find her and ask her if she wants sexy time
>go back to her place, for some reason she lives off campus now
>start to bang
>oh god what is going on in my stomachs
>banging her doggy
>end up vomitting on back of her head
>OMG I'm so sorry
>run out
>walk 2 miles home
>pass out
>hear about it next day
>OMG someone puked on girls head
>who was it?
>idunno.jpg
>still think girl was my neighbor

Turns out girl didn't remember me and I had no clue who she was. So, although embarrassing, worked out in the end.

Everytime I have sex, I manage to cum somewhere on my sheets or pillow.

>>669634512
Lol such a vivid picture you just painted there.

>>669634708
No. See>>669634708

> night out with the bros
> go to really shitty club at midnight
> free entry. That's how shit it is
> Get some Fosters at the bar.
> £1 beer. Fucking yes m8s
> Spot some landwhales
> Feel kinda horny from the booze
> My friends have no game
> Decide to settle for the 5/10 landwhale
> Easy as fuck
> She whispers in my eye "you've pulled, want to come back to my house?"
> Her chins reverberate as she says it.

...continue?

girl was waayyy hotter than me, easily 9/10, hottest gril i'd ever dated by far
5-6th date, finally sex
she goes into bathroom before to undress
i get naked in her bed
light in room already off
sex not bad but nothing great
afterwards, she wants to go clean up but doesn't want me to see her naked, haha
intending to joke about 'we just had sex, i've been rubbing on your body, the cats out of the bag', i say...
"pandora's box has been opened"
my explanations don't comfort her
remarkably, have sex again a few days later
she breaks it off shortly after

>>669635620
sure im ready to puke

>>669635620
Anon, we love landwhales histories.

> be 20
> have one girl roommate and two gay guy roommates
>Decide I don't want to go to the party and leave for the gym in hopes to return by 12:00AM
> Get home
>everyone decided to go clubbing
>nasty 3/10 girl from the navy is the only girl still here
> ASks to sleep in my bed
>say "no, we have a guest room"
>begs to sleep in my bed
>say ok
> fall asleep
>wake up in the middle of the night to her sucking my dick, and licking my ass
> cant come because I feel gay because of the ass licking
>Get pissed off and sleep in the guest room, she slept in my room it was bad.

>>669636183
Asslicking from a girl is not gay at all.

Ok, I'll tell the story I usually tell in incest and confessions thread.

>me and cousin in the basement of the church
>me 14, her 12
>we'd messed around sexually a few times but nothing major
>same shit as usual
>she's sitting on my lap and rubbing my dick over my pants
>I'm rubbing her pussy over her panties
>says she wants to touch it for real
>pull out dick
>she starts to jack me off
>asks if she can kiss it
>tell her sure
>eventually blows me for a bit
>then it's my turn
>take her panties off
>start licking and kissing her pussy
>she tells me she wants to fuck for real
>scared if getting pregnant
>tell her I know something we can do
>bend her over and lick her ass a little bit to get it wet
>rub spit on dick
>took some force but I eventually got it in
>I came in her ass
>she cried a little bit and said it hurt really bad but then it felt good

Went back up to the main part of the church with my cum in her butt.

>buttfucked my cousin in the church basement
Embarrassing

>>669635620
>she whispers in my eye...
Nigga what?

>>669632525
I think you mean the best part

>>669635620

> Head back to her house, only 5 minutes away
> She nips into the paki store and gets a pot noodle "for lunch tomorrow".
> Also buys from crappy vodka
> I buy some Milkyway Crispy Rolls
> In her flat
> She invites me into her room as she doesn't want us to be disturbed in the lounge by her room mates.
> Why am I doing this?
> She pushes me onto the bed which smells like KFC and fags
> Takes off her dyke looking dress
> Stradles me and proceeds to lizard fuck my mouth
> I grab her cellulite ridden thighs
> Got a semi at this point
> She puts her hand down my jeans
> Tugs me like a fucking pro
> Pleasantly surprised

....more?

>>669636422
Clearly too insecure and made to feel so from his dad who got bullied by his peers

>>669633850
Enjoy it while it lasts, anon.

>>669636767

Of course more

Those crispy rolls were the shiznit growing up! Now they're like fucking 60p

>>669636432

>be me
>35 year old Christian man
>have sex with wife
>fuck, no condom
>"it's okay anon, I don't mind"
>keep fucking her till I cum
>she gets preggo
>9 months later has kid
>14 years later
>take kid to church and find out he buttfucked his cousin in a church basement

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>>669636767
just fucking dump the hole damn story

>>669625209
You fucked up by not ending this earlier anon,but otherwise you are bro tier

>>669637271
Top jej

>>669622525
Then who was whole????

>>669637271
Lol. Neither of our dads were involved in our lives. Maybe that's why we did fucked up shit like anal in church...

>>669636432
I want to fuck a 12 years old.

>>669621592
Beta

>>669637271
Seems familiar

>>669621592
>be me, 25
>Match with tinder girl
>7/10 face, no body shot suspicions linger
>Sends nudes immediately, hides body, sexy photos
>Asks me to take her out on vday
>Sends more photos
>Think with dick, tell her for dirnk then wine at my place and sex
> Meet at bar, very fat, gross, not interested
> Can't converse, she's boring, already drunk or stoned
>she asks to go to my place like I promise, take her home.
>She chugs 2 glasses of wine, starts sucking me
>Back hair, super gut, ass not fun looking
>Fuck her but feel bad immediately after
>She pukes outside, try to comfort her verbally
>tell her I'm just gonna get stoned and call it a night
>She asks for food, asks for chicken nugget kids meal (she's 21)
> I say she can stay cause she's drunk, lie in bed and seperate space so we don't cuddle
>she tries to spoon, ignore requests
>She starts to fondle me, tell her bad idea, explain I'm still in love (lying, I'm not interested period)
> I move to couch, give her bed.
>She starts to cry, says life is pointless now, she really likes me
>Doesn't even know my last name, bday, or where I work
>Remember hammer is by bed, think what if she bashes my face in while I sleep?
>Sleep with one eye open entire night while holding a shank under my blanket.
>awkward goodbye, scrubbed dick for days.

>>669636767

> At this point, my dick is diamonds
> She smirks at me like a kid does when they know they've been naughty and got away with it

>"I love sucking dick anon, let me show you"
> Pulls down my jeans to unveil my spongebob boxers.
> She doesn't like them and rips them off.
> Seething inside. This better be some good head.
> Starts kissing the tip
> Get on with it ffs
> Finally starts working the shaft with her tongue
> Can feel her teeth grating
> Making me cringe and get all tense
> Lose my dick
> She looks at me like I'm some kind of invalid
> "Let me solve that anon"
> "Have you got a condom?"
> "Nah, ran out last night"
> Me trying to sound alpha to a landwhale.
> New low reached
> "Don't worry anon, I've got millions".
> Opens her bedside draw.
> "I think you're this size"
> Pulls out an XL Durex.
> Proceeds to roll it on my dick
> I only fill like 3/4 of it.
> She takes of the cheapest, unsexiest pair of knickers I've ever seen
> "I wore my best for tonight anon"
> Dat grin...cringe.

Continue?

>>669634657
Dude I live in the fucking USA. Do you live in a Mormon state or something?

my most embarrassing sex story is one that most people on /b/ dream about
>be 18 yr old
>graduated high school spring before
>its summer time now
>high school friend (x) throws some sort of shitshow party
>its all good, people are here and i brought enough beer to get fucked up
>get to the point of almost blacking out
>start talking to friends who are talking to this 8/10 half japanese girl that i knew of but never really talked to, same goes for me with her
>friends end up leaving and just us talking
>tell her im gonna head outside to smoke a cigarette
>she follows
thought to myself ok, this is kinda weird. dont know why she followed but lets find out
>say "lets go see x's goat"
his dad owns a goat since they're in buttfuck nowhere
>both walk over
>both
>grab onto her halfway as im stumbling to get there
>when we get to the goat start making out
>people come outside
>shit.jpg
cont.

>>669630158
Well, birds of a feather flock together, they say..

whats a chad

>>669630564
Rather be a pedophile then a virgin

So I'm good

>>669630856
How do fat chicks know how to use fat angles so well.

>be 43
>fucking this 14 year old cutie
>cops arrive
Imagine my red face after that

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>>669636183
>cant come because I feel gay because of the ass licking

HAHAHHA you insecure phaggot

>>669638614
My face always gets red during receptive anal too. Never had it nonconsensually, but it's cool we share that.

>>669621592
>be 18
>be virgin still
>be dating a girl for a few weeks
>alone at her house after school on day
>sitting on living room couch
>we start making out
>things start getting hot
>grab her tits
>move hands a little lower
>still into it
>start to rub her pussy
>she starts rubbing my dick
>"oh shit this is really happening"
>take her shirt and bra off
>she takes my shirt off
>im on top of her now
>grabbing her tits and rubbing her pussy while she grabs at my dick
>start to unbutton her pants
>hear a loud scream come from behind me
>"OH FUCK WHATS THAT"
>I turn around to see her little sister and mother standing right behind us
>we quickly get dressed and I run out of the front door while she gets yelled a by her mom

and thats the story about how I almost got laid in high school.

>>669638794
damn i feel sorry for you. almost man, almost

>>669638267
> She mounts my dick
> Feels ok.
> After around 3 or 4 minutes of awkward riding, things start to feel a bit better
> What the fuck...
> As I pull out to change position, the condom has fallen off my dick.
> Lost in the abyss
> Get a woft of her pussy
> Smells like fucking sweaty prawn sandwiches
> Go soft as hell
> Fuck this shit
> "Sorry, not happening tonight"
> Jump out of bed
> Put my jeans back on and leg it out of her room
> My dick smells so bad
> Cry a bit on the train home
> For the next week, my clothes smell like sweaty whale pussy
> Mom comes in to take my dirty clothes
> Don't forget the fucking dirty shirts mum.
> "The fuck is that smell anon?
> MFW :(

>At my grandma's house
>Helping her clean stuff out of the house
>Go up in the attic
>Find old pictures of my grandpa when he was in the army
>Start having a cheeky wank to my grandpa's old pictures
>Hear a stair creak
>Ah it's an old house it was nothing
>Keep jerking off
>Suddenly startled by screaming
>My grandma is right behind me and saw what I was doing
>She hits me with the broom and tells me to get out
>Milk truck man saw my boner
>Still not allowed to go to Christmas dinner at her house

When she dies I'm getting those pictures and finishing what I started.

>>669638132
>Remember hammer is by bed, think what if she bashes my face in while I sleep?
>Sleep with one eye open entire night while holding a shank under my blanket.
>awkward goodbye, scrubbed dick for days.

FUCKING KEK

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>>669638316
>we walk away from each other so its not awkward
>start to walk back
>say "lets sit down in here"
"here" meaning a huge garage where nothing and nobody is at, we get a chair and sit in there
>i sit down, she sits on top of me facing me
>continue making out
>takes off her shirt
>fucking christ
has size 32 C's, did not expect that
>continue making about and grinding in this plastic chair
>she takes off my pants
>gives me a sloppy bj, whiskey dick anyways so not a big deal
>she keeps going while i have limp dick
>hear a noise
>door opens
>FUCK
>she runs and hides
>put on my pants lightning quick, dont know how i did it
>walk over to the door
>its x's dad, he just grabs a beer by the door to the garage
>as i look around the corner, he looks at me with no expression, takes his beer, and before shutting the fridge door gives me a pic related smirk
>turns around and leaves
>holy fuck what is going on
>we decide to leave that huge garage and go inside
i could stop here but that wasnt the last of it fortunately, will continue

>>669638267
Alright let's hear it. C'mon.

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>>669621592
You just admitted to being a statutory rapist.
No country outside of sandnigger shitholes is it legal for an 18 year old to have sex with someone under 16.
Even in Japan we have laws to stop 18 year olds from going below 18.
Welcome to the watchlist, pedocuck.

Got caught by the senior gym class banging my old ex. Entire time i was calling her mommy and she was calling me son. Got labeled motherfucker and mommy fucker for half of junior and all of senior year.

>boyfriend starts liking anal a lot
>always asking
>he bought an enema kit to make it cleaner because he doesn't like condoms or stinky dick
>getting filled up with water feels horrible but whatever I do it anyway
>let it come out and wash up
>do anal after my very first enema
>going good for 5 minutes, no smell
>riding him
>start feeling weird
>what the fuck are these cramps
>diarrhea all over his dick and crotch
>bf doesn't like anal anymore

>be 19 and horny
>been meeting guys on Clist
>mostly to get head but I fucked a couple dudes as well
>wasn't into sucking dick but really wanted to get fucked
>nobuttexperiencewhatsoever
>don't have anywhere to go
>no car
>find a dude willing to meet and fuck me in a local fast food bathroom
>hes black and his dick is huge
>ive never stuck anything that big in my ass
>too horny to care
>he picks me up after work
>I go in first and start lubing my ass the best i can
>he follows a couple minutes later
>single person restroom
>I grab the sturdy bar for support as I try and push myself onto his dick
>holy fuck that hurts
>he fucks short and fast for a couple minutes and cums
>he zips up, says thank you and leaves
>I wipe down and then walk home
>my ass hole is torn up
>blood on the napkins and my boxers
>takes weeks to heal up
>still want but have trouble with anal

>super drunk at a bar in Carbondale Illinois.
>meet a cute chick and chat her up.
>she's crazy drunk too
>wearing khakis and a Hawaiian shirt, so obviously not there to hook up, but
>come closing time she asks if I wanna move the party to her house
>it's an apartment actually but who cares.
>don't even turn on the lights, straight to bedroom
>Strip off clothes and 69 for a bit and then get to fucking.
>fuck her in every position and hole
>all over the bed
>sweaty as fuck, everything is wet and sticky
>finally blow load all over her insides.
>we both pass out.
>wake up to a murder scene
>not like a little blood, like Johnny depps bedroom in nightmare on elm Street blood.
>it is fucking everywhere.
>all over me, her, the bed.
>Run to the bathroom.
>Look in mirror.
>blood all over my face, chest, stomach, dick and balls.
>check on her.
>she's alive.
>got the fuck out.
>ran back to buddies' house and showered.
>mfw I ran across Carbondale covered in menstraul blood.

Never go home with a girl who is in a bar wearing khakis and a Hawaiian shirt, fellas. There's a reason they weren't planning in fucking.

>>669629308
You can't stick your dick in a female urethra, you twat.
You must have the smallest micropenis ever to accomplish that.
If you were a faggot it might be believable.

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>>669639158
>Lost in the abyss
KEK'D

>>669639648
>rapist
Time to look up some statutes my negro brother. No penetration, no genital contact, no rape, no exceptions.

>>669624338
TOP KEK
I'm fucking dying anon. I thought that I was the only one who did this. Just happened two weeks ago

>>669634657
Beta faggot that listens to the government detected

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>>669621592
>have had sex between 800-1100 times with the same woman
>have never done anal

It's very embarrassing. I will try anal before i die though, so whether it's with her or not is her choice.

>>669621592

>be me
>meeting up with girl and friends to have some drinks
>have a bit too much and start doing stupid shit
>look over to girl, this was the first time we had properly met and we knew each other pretty well
>we start to kiss and get a bit close
>we decide to bang
>lost my v card
>head hoe
>wake up next morning
>realized we banged in the middle of a park
>never speak to girl again

>>669632083
>hows it like having an Asian dick?
pretty heavy and pretty great


>>669639912
that's not how it works with underage kids, you beta mong

>>669639648
Legal here for people of similar ages to have sex with one another. 18 and 15 is fine, 30 and 15 is not.

>>669636767
fuck off you dumb shit, tell the whole story without the MOAR CONTINUE shit. kill yourself.

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>>669639912
>no penetration
>no rape
Get a load of this confused pedophile.

>>669636593
Drinking Fosters will do that...

>>669639648
Age of consent is 13 in Holland /b/ro

>be 18
>be senior in high school
>help friend with senior project so I can get out of class
>I was the camera man for some shitty movie she made
>fast forward to the "movie premiere"
>she tells me to make popcorn with this one girl for everyone
>"sure, ok"
>the girl and I start talking and laughing while making popcorn
>really hitting it off
>sit together to watch movie
>make fun of it together in the back
>movie is over and eveyone leaves
>girl says "so we have all this popcorn left over, wanna sit in my car and eat it?"
>fuck yea
>we sit in her back seat and eat popcorn and talk some more
>suddenly I see a cop car pull into the school parking lot
>"shit cop, duck!"
>we both duck down in the seats in such a way that her head ends up right in my crotch
>the cop car leaves
>"oh shit that was close"
>I sit up
>she stays down
>unzips my pants
>starts to give me a blow job
>feels good at first
>suddnly it gets kind of uncomfortable
>like small knives are rubbing up and down on my dick
>the kernals from the popcorn we ate are still in her mouth
>fuck it hurts
>man up and let her continue to blow me
>finally finish
>I looked at my dick when I got home later and there were popcorn pieces all in my pubes and my dick had red scratch lines all over it

>>669639846
Anon has never seen a urethra creampie, huh?

Search for some vids of Amazing Ty.

>>669630757
At least you made her cum/finish?

> be 20 a college party at the top floor of dorms
> everyone getting drunk af
> decide to get high af and do a couple of rails
> start talking to what I thought a 6/10 (important detail is relative for later)
> she wants to diddly the willy so we go to her dorm a row doors down the hall
> start making out, she takes her top off
> I take my shorts off but kept my shirt on for some reason (drunk and high to another level)
> she starts giving me some good head
> shit cash man
> almost cum down her throat when she suddenly pukes all over my dick, legs, shorts, everything from the waist down
> freak out and bolt out of the room
> decide to try and try and run towards my dorm 3 floors down
> fail miserably and fall in front of the door where the party was at
> every one is witnessing a half naked man holding his vomit covered dick and legs try to get up and limp away in shame
> eventually make it to room and start to furiously clean my self
> vomit at the thought of what just occurred and the shame it has brought upon me (also cuz I'm pretty fucked by now)
> cry myself to sleep
> wake up next morning realizing I left my vomit covered shorts in her dorm
> my wallet and phone are in there
> build up courage to go and ask for items
> knock on door almond realize that 6/10 was a 2/10 ham planet
> grab my things and nonchalantly get back to my dorm

>>669622525
The joke is that he didn't fuck the ass when he should have. You dense, illiterate, poor reading comprehension having Fucks

>be me first week college
>tfw no real friends here
>tfw no gf
>goto dance club w/other dormies to make friends
>hang out & get wasted w/some bros who turn out to be pretty chill
>actually dancing w/some random dorm chicks
>last call for alcohol
>heading back to dorm one of the randos asks if i want to back to her room
>lonely/wasted me says sure why not
>she is hanging all over me
>get to her room + on come the lights
>2/10 aaaargh wtf nooooo beastie wants the d
>make excuse gotta go not feeling good
next day in the cafeteria w/one of my new bros
>hey anon did you rail that nasty chick last night
>nope too heinous- had to take my leave
>he busts out laughing
>i realize that rando chick and her friend are sitting a couple of tables away
>she busts out crying + friend glares the stare of death

>>669639158
>sweaty prawn sandwiches

I needed a good laugh after today, thanks /b/ro

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>>669639204
>start having a cheeky wank to my grandpa's old pictures

>>669624929
>be me
>find hot bar gf
>fuck her no condom
> get Herpes, HPV, and chlamydia
> ?????
>profit

>>669640662
Was the laughing stock of the whole dorm for the rest of the semester, seriously contemplated transferring to another school.
Looking back it was one the funniest things that's ever happened, always have a good chuckle when I remember that night/morning

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>>669625209
>I tell her I love her
why would you do that

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>>669640757

> be 12
> have phimosis
> getting circumcised
> nurse giving me check up? don't quite recall
> anyway, naked with 40-50yo woman
> says i have a big dick
> get chubby for some reason
> lady grabs and caresses
> all the time standing there with le utmost retard face
> diamonds are soon soft by comparison
> nurse makes me turn away and bend over gurney
> nurse puts on rubber gloves and applies some sort of liquid
> puts two fingers in me and jerks me off
> somehow cum from the anal stimulation rather than the handjob
> nurse cleans up my wang and ass then says everything is ok and has me dress

Later get circumcised. Most painful post op ever. Operations include bursted apendix and gall blader stones. Don't circumcise your kinds, srsly.

To this day I want to ask every GF to play with my ass but never dare ask. Got literally raped but I liked it. At least it wasn't a guy I guess.

>Be with the same bitch for five years
>We've done pretty much everything thinkable together when it comes to one on one sex
>I start randomly shoving shit up her ass while we fuck and she calls me daddy
>One time shove a thing of mascara up her ass
>Every time I stick my dick in her pussy the mascara pops out
>Get frustrated and jam it deep in her ass with my finger knuckle deep
>Fucking her
>It's not coming out shit's nice
>Cum inside of her
>Mascara is still not coming out
>She starts freaking
>We go to the hospital
>Doctor is looking up her ass as my jizz is still leaking out of her snatch
>She has to be gassed and put to sleep so they can go up her ass and take the mascara out
>Doctor tells her not to use mascara as an assdildo because of obvious reasons and she can get pink eye
>I laugh at her and she starts crying
>We break up and she moves out like a week later

Not even gonna lie I still miss that dirty whore.

>>669641344
>Got literally raped but I liked it. At least it wasn't a guy I guess.
did you even try to stop her? silence is a yes unless you are gaged

>>669639742
Lol. Almost had this happen once. I was fucking a girl in the ass and all of the sudden she starts yelling "takeitouttakeitouttakeitout" and runs to the bathroom. I heard the liquid explosion of shit hit the water. Finished myself off and left.

>Just met a girl and went to her flat
>She wanna fuck
>Same here
>Anon noticed he forgot condoms, she doesn't have any
>She decides to do a bj
>win for anon
>bj is great, about to cum
>she suddenly stops
>Anon's like WTF, she says get condoms from petrol station
>PS is about 10 min walk, have to go there with a hard-on and blueballs.
>The guy in PS is giving anon a weird look when he's buying condoms with hard-on, anon can't look him in the eyes
>Anon go back then anon and girl fuck
>the end happy end

>>669622927
that is the most white bread, 9faggot, F.R.I.E.N.D.S., bullshit story ive ever read.

>>669641792
literally wasted my life reading this -10/10

>>669639815
It's period blood stop being a faggot if it didn't get in your mouth STFU

>>669640033
Dude, don't ask, just jam it in. Hold her hips though, cause she's going to try to get away.

>>669640516
Popcorn. Bad date food. Now you know.

>>669641608

I did say something along the lines of her not touching my ass, yeah, but she went ahead. Not exactly sure what. Was over 30 years ago. In any case she was quite the pedo. Didn't even have pubes yet.

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>>669625209

>travel for business
>get to hotel one night. stressful day so head to bar
>on third drink when beertender gives me a 4th. says it's from the lady in the booth
>go over and say thanks
>she invites me to sit and chat
>talk about everything, including her no good husband
>she's an average soccer mom who has a mid-level manager job and travel son business
>now on 5th drink and she suggests we take them up to her room
>get up there and she's all over me immediately
>clothes flying off, make out, go down on her and show her what a husband should do to his wife
>decide it's time to fire my torpedo
>torpedo isn't working
>ask her to suck on my cock for a few
>it ain't happening
>fantasizing about fucking Shakira while she's tied spreadeagle to a bed of rose petals (my go-to fantasy)
>nothing
>tell her it isn't going to happen
>get dressed and do the walk of shame to my own room

>be me 8 years ago
>16 at the time with 6/10 flip gf
>had to sneak around o have sex because asian parents are possessive/protective as fuck
>be late October in Canada, getting cold
>weeknight after 8pm
> haven't had sex since my birthday in august when she was aloud at my house
>wasn't aloud to see me because she got a low grade in a class
>fuckasaianparents.jpg
>she calls me, tells me how horny she is
>devise plan
>she lives near strip plaza with pizza place, tell her to order pizza and i will meet her there
>ask dad to drive me
>"but anon its kinda late, are even aloud over?"
>"yes she needs help on a project"
>Success!.gif
> had raging borner whole ride there as i lived across town
>meet up at plaza
>go to order pizza
>"pizza will be ready in 25 minutes"
>perfect
>run to the nearest forest
>start making out
>strip her pants off, and take mine off
>"you brought a condom.. right anon..?"
>FOR FUCK SAKE NO WAY
>tell her forget it, didnt waste my time to come all the way out here for nothing
>she gets all uptight, refuses to have sex
>to horny at this point, no going back
>tell her ill pull out when i feel, i promise
>scared and reluctant, i persuade her to keep going
> as my tip touches her flaps
>"no anon, i really think we shouldn-"
>bust whole load into her panties and on her yoga pants
>pissed, but she didn't notice
>she convinces me that she should just blow me instead
> at this point i let her
>limp dick goes hard again
>force myself to come again in 5 mins
>wasn't pleasant at all

>>669631569
awww shes pretty.

>>669639648
French here, age of consent is 15

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>19
>at a m8s flat after a night out
>everyone's pretty much wasted, chilling on the couch with this cute redhead
> she's been pretty shy all night but we eventually get talking, leads to drunk snogging
>she's basically straddling me on the couch as we make out
> she's wearing a skirt, I move my leg a bit so her panties are grinding against my jeans
>she starts to get into it, moving her hips
> fuck she's getting wet
>realize she's getting REALLY wet
> starts to get off suddenly, I look down and see she's pissed herself
> she just runs off on the verge of tears
>buddy let me borrow some of his pants but also trough mine out
>lost a perfectly good pair of jeans

Pic related

>>669643145
gf was also 16 at the time,forgot to mention

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>>669621592

I still cringe thinking about this one.

>be me, 16yo kissless virgin with NSA-level parental surveillance
>parents won't let me hang out with someone unless they know that person's parents
>have secret hippie gf for a while, but am too nervous to pull anything off with her because NSA parental drone strike could occur at any moment
>make out with hippie gf once, then say something like "it was a mistake"
>she gets pissed and we break up
>fast forward 1.5yrs
>I'm still a virgin, still hang with hippie ex-gf occasionally
>things are better between us
>isthereasecondchance.wemb?
>she comes over to my house for a "sleepover" (no idea how the fuck I got my parents to allow this...I think one of them was out of town and the other one was busy or some shit, either that or they took pity on me)
>hanging with hippie gf, just chatting
>bring up how dumb it was of me to blow her off when we were 16, basically admit I wish we'd never broken up
>she looks at me. I can't decipher her expression.
>she says "so, you really wanna do this?"
>mfw she was offering me a fuck
>mfw I was such a beta retard I thought she just wanted to make out
>I made out with her for a minute or two, then stopped.
>my beta brain is a tangle of frayed wires
>mfw I actually said "Thanks, I needed that"
>awkward pause
>she gets up and leaves

I want to go back in time and beat the shit out of myself every time I think of it.

>>669642101
It did get in my mouth, but that doesn't bother me.

>>669640602
a teenage urethra?
you really think a cock fits into a urethra without some psychotic-type training being involved?

>Get blackout drunk at the bar
>Wake up and don't recognize the ceiling
>Where the fuck am I
>Look next to me
>Sleeping woman
>Try to piece together things in my head but can't
>Look out her window and recognize landmarks from across town from my place
>Realize I smell strongly of bleach, still don't know why
>She rolls over and start kissing me
>I'm so dehydrated I'm coughing up dustballs
>She looks okay though so it's whatever plus I need a ride
>She starts going down on my flaccid dick
>I do a quick survey of her room
>CRT TV, Saved By the Bell graphics style decorations, a glamour shot picture
>Start to get worried that I time warped to the 80's
>Ask her who is in the picture
>She says she is
>Realize I'm getting blown by a woman that is my mother's age
>Hope up and start getting dressed saying I need to be somewhere
>She starts sobbing, swear to God
>I run out of there and try to call a cab
>Wallet's gone, fuck me
>Walking home
>Stop at a store and use the fountain to try to rehydrate
>Puke all over the place
>Guy that comes to clean it up doesn't even look like he's mad, he pats me on the shoulder, he has been here before, we are now brothers in shame
>Walk the rest of the way home
>Lay on my living room floor in a shame spiral after chugging ten glasses of water
>Phone rings
>It's the police
>They have my wallet
>Apparently it was found in store parking lot on the other side of town
>Cop brings it back to me
>All the money is gone

I later found out that my friends tried to stop me from leaving with her and I told them I would be fine and not to worry.

>>669639418
>as i look around the corner, he looks at me with no expression, takes his beer, and before shutting the fridge door gives me a pic related smirk
>TOP FUCKING KEK

>>669643145
Linus?

>>669643324

>mfw that's my fetish

>>669629003
i feel ya, i feel ya

>>669643145
Allowed

>>669627721
no virgins plz

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>>669628269
>her
'My pillow'
>in the butt
'The hole I cut out and stuffed with a condom'

>>669625640
I feel like I've fucked her before. Does her name start with Dom?

>>669641509

>Doctor tells her not to use mascara as an assdildo because of obvious reasons and she can get pink eye


My sides anon

>>669643542
Yeah, man. That's definitely embarrassing.

>>669637730
*calls for mods*

>>669644444
Checked!

>>669644444
HOLY

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>>669630592
Kek

>>669644444
DUDE WTF

>>669643911
Ha, well to be honest it wasn't as much of a boner killer moment as I thought, still wanted to fuck her

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>>669644444
HOLY FUCKING CHRIST!
just kidding kill yourself fucking wasted quints

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>>669630757
>legs cramp

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>driving home on leave
>rolling through NJ
>stop at a motel because tired and wanna drink
>bar and grill next to motel
>have a few drinks
>bar empties because football game was over
>attacked by a stereotypical blonde cougar
>8/10 my cock was furious
>literally flashing her tits at one point
>she's too drunk to drive so I convince her she can crash in my motel room
>she called her daughter to pick her up
>in between then we bang and I dump a load in her (raw for the win)
>she passes out drunk
>daughter arrives
>8/10 I know where she got her looks
>somehow we bang
>as I cum in her too (raw dog again) mommy opens door to motel bathroom
>awkward moment
I don't know if I have kids in New Jersey or not

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>Be me, 15
>Dating a 8/10
>First sleepover at her apartments
>Parents upstairs
>We start fucking
>End up with 4 rounds at 2am
>DatSleep.jpg
>Wake up
>Can't move
>Mfw she tied me up with jack cables while I was asleep
>Hello morning wood
>Girl starts eating it like a beaver
>Mom comes in "I made breakf- Ok sorry I disturbed you"
>First time getting "raped", giving a facial and dating a psycho

>>669644208
holy fuck you a right, i am autistic today

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>>669630757
>legs cramp
TOP KEK

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>>669630757
So, I was fucking my ex wife in the ass shallow and gentle when my hammy cramps up so I instinctively lean in to straighten out my leg and abruptly go balls deep. She started yelling and jerking around trying to get it out. I came so hard.

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>>669645411
Underrated post.

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>>669622525
>Want cold shower
>it was warm outside
>>669622525
>I was hot
>turned on the tap
>not the hot tap
>Not joking.

>>669645447
Also, this was embarrassing because I had to tell doc that I had unprotected sex with multiple women without showering after
>in the same day I drove home and fucked a girl from my old high school raw too thank god for birth control
Didn't catch an std

>>669621592
>Be Chad
>Dry hump and cum
>Cry

Think you missed something there

>>669639418
>takes off her shirt
>fucking christ he thought to himself as he inspected her bra thoroughly
>has size 32 C's, did not expect that

>>669645653
that is my fantasy/ fetish

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>Go to party at qt redhead's house
>She's been into me for awhile but I was dating qt blonde and couldn't do anything with her
>We broke up so tonight's the night
>She's sitting on my lap all night and making out with me while I proceed to get hammered
>Her mom is there and is one of those "cool moms" who bought all the beer and shit
>At one point end up in the kitchen alone with the mom
>She starts flirting with me hard
>Tells me to come upstairs and help her get something
>End up in her bedroom fucking
>Go radio silent for the rest of the weekend
>Go to school on Monday
>qt redhead sees me and immediately starts crying
>She knows
>Everyone knows
>For the rest of my senior year everyone calls me "Motherfucker"
>Come home for visits during college and go to bars
>Everyone calls me "Motherfucker"

>>669628325
Best pic related I seen for months

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i'll keep this short and sweet
>have gf
>she likes assplay
>we go to get some fuk
>she goes to the freezer
>pulls out frozen turd
>makes me fuck her with a frozen turd dildo
>mfw

lets just say we arent together anymore

>Hook up with this solid 7 with massive tits
>36 FF huge knockers
>Take her back to my house and we fuck out back
>Wake up the next morning and hear my neighbor and my dad yelling at eachother
>Apparently old neighbor fag saw and heard everything
>Dad tells old neighbor to get fucked and to mind his own business
>Dad comes in the house and I'm expecting to get screamed at
>Dad is proud as fuck
>Says "I thought you were a faggot"
>T-t-thanks
>Lets me drive his Corvette for the next week after I promise not to fuck her in it because he just had the seats reupholstered

It worked out well but it was embarrassing as shit seeing my neighbor after that.

>>669625209
Wait a minute.

This can be read two ways.

Either you really sperged out and said you love her and meant it, or...

...you kissed her on purpose, just to get the feel, and then said "i love you" purposefully to scare her away because you didn't want to be the other man but you still wanted to take her in a little way.

In one case you're an idiot, but in the other you are god tier bro.

Which is it anon!?

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>>669647923
>makes me fuck her with a frozen turd dildo

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>>669648366
he said i love you to scare her off you fucking idiot.
he didnt want to be the guy to cause a breakup.
kill yourself

Where da gays at

>>669648790
>Pee in boyfriend poopoo
>He yells BART I AM PISS
>Die of AIDS
>So many ebrassment

>>669621817

i'm virgin as well.

man, it's a pleasure to be virgin.
it means you never had to worry about her pregnancy, safe sex, performances, bitches bitching, aids, viagra and so on.