>>605650198
if im at a house ive never been I always pee in their sink.

>>605650198
you iron shirts you've already worn?

double whammy

>twist ass hairs in asshole
>make sure there are enough hairs
>rip them out
>repeat

Save my finger and toe nails in a bag.

Washing my ass after taking a dump in the shover... trying to avoid shiting in public toilets.

>>605650656
Why

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>>605651191
>in the shover

>>605651264
why not

>>605650198
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK DEVIL HAND

>>605650656
Not going to fucking lie at all, I do it all the time without knowing.

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>>605651333
Checked

>>605650593
For my work shirts

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I pee in the urinal at stadiums

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>>605650656
I do this all the fucking time. either that, or just take tweezers and pluck random hairs on my body.

>when I wipe after shitting, I HAVE to check my toilet paper until it is 95-100% clean of shit. then I am clean.
>after Im clean in the shower, I sit down on the shower floor, out of the shower stream, and think about life in a steamy hotbox.

>>605651264
Does it feel good or something?

I work from 9-5 and enjoy things like sex and money.

>>605651701
A hairless asshole is better than a hairy asshole

>>605651535
I wish I found her in the mens room, I'd fuck that fat slut in her asshole so hard

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>>605651592
How long do you sit there

>>605650450
>>605650656
>>605651191
My kin.
I also brush my tongue until I gag which is habitual. I also go years without shaving my pubes, right now my asshole has hairs nearly 2 inches long.

>>605650450

Kitchen or bathroom?

>>605650656
I do the same but I rip my pubs off my balls and penis

>>605650198
the fuck kinda Chernobyl hand is that my nigga

>>605651592
>>when I wipe after shitting, I HAVE to check my toilet paper until it is 95-100% clean of shit. then I am clean.

I do this, but I'll wipe until I see red sometimes. That usually only happens if the toilet paper is cheap though.

>>605651592

do that. next.

>when I listen to music when the singer sounds relatively like me I imagine that I'm the one singing in some kinda talent show or TV show, like the voice

>>605652294
Are you me?

>>605651592
i do the shower thing except i sit under the stream, a lot warmer and feels like its raining everywhere

>>605651856
almost exactly 15 minutes.
I like to wash really quick so I can have my full 15 minutes sitting watching the stream of the shower. sometimes I watch a clock, sometimes I put on a timer.

>>605651535
Oh god..

>>605650198
I eat the skin from the back of my heel when my fingers aren't enough. I use a nail clipper to cut out strips.

Chewy goodness.

>>605651592
My man: I do both of those all the time.
>Search for porn that reminds me of my current crush

I never use the toilet. I always, with the water off naked, shit in the shower. Then, I sit down and use my special shit chopping butter knife that I keep in my vanity drawer to cut it all up and dissect it. It's very interesting to find out which part of the shit is which meal because some things don't really digest fully, such as mushrooms, some beans, tomatoes, venlafaxine pills (this is how I can exactly tell which meal is which bit because I take my dose at exactly the same time each day) and I can work it out because sometimes there is no venlafaxine pills (they just look exactly the same except slightly yellow) in the shit that it takes normally longer than 24 hours for the food to go from your mouth to become shit, although it varies quite a lot and sometimes (because I take two pills a day) there will be 4 pills and then I know it took two days at least (constipation) and my record is 6 pills but that was when I was taking morphine so at least three days from mouth to ass which is quite a long time. Sometimes, the shit is very very hard and it separates into little pellet balls which I think means I am dehydrated even though I drink tonnes of water and other times it is diarrhea which means I'm sick. Then I become very paranoid about clooging the drain and someone finding what I am doing so that's why I then have to chop it up very very very fine and smush it with the knife. Then, I put the shower on still sitting down and do a gold panning sort of thing with the water so all the small bits slowly go down the drain leaving the larger ones to be chopped up by me. After all of that I then have a normal shower and scrub the floor and my body with antibacterial soap.
Sometimes if I have a very full belly I will go into the shower and do the same thing except make myself vomit, it really is amazing how much you can fit in your stomach

>>605652602
wat

>>605651592
Every time my friend

When I'm too lazy to wash my clothes I spray them down with hairspray

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>>605652294
yeah, multiple times do I end up wasting more time wiping up the blood than I do wiping up the shit. it gets so bad that it drips intot he toilet and looks gruesome.

>>605651768
You sick fuck

Bite my fingernails till they are nothing then go for the skin around them till there's basically nothing left to bite

>>605652602
wtf

>>605652395
I always imagine bringing a hot chick out on stage sitting her on a stool and singing a song just for her while other teens cream in their pants with a mixture of jealousy and lust.

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hold my foreskin shut
pee
release
>pissbomb.jpg

>>605652395
looks like I won

>>605652533
The fuck bro

>>605652566
Tried did not succeed

I also like to press my eyes just to get the wonderful fireworks show thing that goes on.

I enjoy consensual sex in the missionary position for the sole purpose of procreation

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>>605652459
I am you and you are me. We are all one.

I can't say that everyone else wipes until they bleed though.

>>605653099
same

>>605653034
Fuck ya

>>605653034
same

>>605652812
Mah nigga.
>>605652533

>>605652533
Holy shit! I do this too! I thought I was rhe only one!

Masturbate while flaccid using special technique. Even works while hard.

I like to piss on my hands to make them warmer and treat my bad circulation. Sometimes I smell my own piss cause somehow reminds me of cookies. I'm not bullshiting

>try to live a normal life. Treat everyone fairly and generally enjoy living.

>>605652602
Same

>>605653463
Mine always smells like fucking golden crisp for whatever reason, I feel ya bro

>>605653494
Sick fuck.

>Rub habanero sauce on my dick before fapping.

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>>605653494
you sick fuck!

>>605651592
Shower sitting is seriously the best. When I was in high school I would sit down and take a shower nap every morning.

When I go to bed I stretch my dick toward my ass and close my thighs. I've actually gained an inch over a lot of years but now it's habit and one day I'll have to explain this to my wife.

I eat petroleum jelly (Vaseline), when ever I see it at mine or someone else's house.

I won't just take one scoop. I'll keep revisiting their bathroom and take multiple fingers of it during the course of my being at their house.

I can no longer keep it at home.

Piss in the sink as it's the same height as my dick

>>605653779

You must shit like soap running through a funnel.

>>605652602
u might want to read up on plumbing

>>605653779
>yfw they use the same vaseline for anal play/prolems

>Yfw you're eating shit remnants

>>605653893
This.
>then I run the water for a second.

I really enjoy the feeling of picking at my gums with something sharp until they are a bloody mess.

I like to eat the skin on my lips

>>605653718
>>605653779
Jesus christ

>also believe that when people procreate they have a certain obligation to find ways to be happy even if theyre partner doesnt wash dishes. Am i dying?

>>605654004
You mean it's going to
Be clogged? That's why I chop real fine so that doesn't happen.

>>605652955
Pretty much that too>>605652955

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>Eat cereal in the bath

>Piss in the bath while I'm in it

>Wear the same underwear for a week

>Wear same clothes for 2/3 days if I'm not going anywhere

>Have a imaginary conversation with someone I know in real life whilst I am alone in my room, but I only whisper the conversation so my parents don't hear

>Hump pillow

>Pretend pillow is imaginary gf

>Brush my teeth once with just water then again with toothpaste twice a day

>Drink wine with ice cubes

Just a handful I can think of, would restore my faith in humanity if anyone does things similar

>>605650198
I thought you had mutant toes - Where's your thumb, mate?

>>605650198

white gorilla feet??

I love the smell of the inside of my boots after a long, long day. They smell exactly like hot buttered popcorn.

>>605654365
3, 4, 5, and 6.

>>605654365
Why not wine cubes instead of watering it down?

>>605654150
Also this.
>then I put the very tip of my penis under the water to clean it

>>605654365

>NEET blog

Clothes, cereal, piss and humping the pillow.

>>605650450
Why? For what purpose?

After hours of sweating I run my fingers behind my ear and smell the awfulness the permeates there their they're

>>605652602
Yeah same here. We have a work shower for commuters and I do this and hide the knife in my sock.

My coworker brought in cookie butter from trader joes and I let him use my knife.

After I work out I stick my sweaty clothes in the dryer. Then after they are dry i wear them out to the mall and scare the sandniggers away with my superior White heritage ball scent

I also Sing in the shower but only when i am specifically washing my asshole

>>605654011
I often wonder what they use their Vaseline for. However it never bothers me.

>>605654365
>>Eat cereal in the bath
>>Piss in the bath while I'm in it

You piss in the bath while you're eating? That's just fucking nasty.

>when I have walk a long way I attempt to teleport. Figure what the hell, nothing lost, and possibly discover a latent ability.

>every birthday secretly hope for my coming of age super powers. That feel when almost 25 and no powers.

>relive conversations after I have them, going as far as to repeat them quietly to myself. Sometimes people overhear and I get very awkward.

>>605654672
In the vast abyss of the universe, I am not alone.
>>605654687
Mind blow. I will try this Anon

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>>605654275
this is a typical bathroom drainage diagram. notice the pipes that are at a very slight slope. Shit can figuratively and in reality get stuck there.

>I'd recommend Drain-o and a therapist

capthca: oisis

>>605655092
I won't piss and eat at the same time. Say I have finished my bowl or cereal or my toast, I will then have a little piddle in the pool. It's only urine. Doesn't even smell.

I repeat most things I say under my breath to make sure I said what I thought I did.

>>605655502
Hey, that thing I said
>>605655168

OP here I don't have source on pic

>>605655168
I do this too, I also practice convis I'm going to have

I have a friend who has every scab she every had stored in 2 glass jars. I can not look at them. It drives me nuts, since I eat all my scabs and sunburned skin peels.

I wad up bits of toilet paper and stick them in my ass

not like deep or anything just enough to keep the hole open a bit

idk why I've been doing it since grade school

I literally cannot stop either. if I don't have some tp up there or at the very least a bunch of my underwear I get horribly uncomfortable. I literally cannot last more than a couple minutes UNLESS i'm in the shower or bath tub which is very weird to me.

>>605653463
>>605653576

My piss smells like ramen noodles

>every time

I have an entire alternate life i have visualized in my head down to the finest detail. i am worth billions due to my tech start up which reduces the inter bank borrowing costs of banks via a method of more accurate deposit hedging. I live a life that only could exists in my imagination. i have defined everything about my fictitious life in detail, down to my the ficitious watch i wear on my wrist (https://www.1stdibs.com/jewelry/watches/wrist-watches/patek-philippe-yellow-gold-perpetual-calendar-chronograph-wristwatch-ref-2499/id-j_297152/).

i spend most nights in bed before i go to sleep imagining it to be real.

....you think you know loneliness, imagine a life spent living another in your head.


#inception

>>605655502
my nigga

>>605655398
Ok thanks bro

Keep like 200 tabs open at once. I have to kill most of them to stop my computer from freezing up.

I also pick out small clips within songs (usually about 3 seconds or so) and replay them repeatedly hundreds of times in a row.

No idea what the fuck is wrong with me

Post my nudes online with a link to my tumblr in hopes of blackmail and humiliation.

>>605655869

I bet a nice buttplug would be more comfortable.

>>605656194
You sick fuck

>>605656444
Trips is truth

>>605655869
Me too I put lotion on my asshole to slid it in easier helps me poop better too

Walk around the streets with phylacteries on.

>>605650656
>>605651592

The first one
>>605652234
>>605652812
>>605653034

>>605653427
Teach us your ways

>>605656300
>>605653099
>>605651768
>>605653494

Heretics detected

>>605654365
Thought of a few more

>Cry after I masturbate

Not everytime but occasionally, I don't have any sexual problems, I think it's natural and all people must have done it at least once

>Whilst I am on the toilet I get toilet paper, roll it into little balls and try and throw it into the bath from the toilet.

>Pretend I am reading on public transport when really I am just listening to other people's conversations. I do actually read on public transport too, but mostly I find it hard when it is noisy.

>>605656809
>everyone must have done it at least once
Nope

Anybody else stand up to wipe their ass and reach around the back? Not sure how other guys wipe ass

I read the news paper in the bathroom cursing every article I see rather it be good or bad sad stories piss me the fuck off and local city hall makes me so mad I could fucking kick that meet door down and pump round after round it to these leaches of society

I cum in a sock and throw it really hard at the ceiling to see how long it can stick for before it falls onto my face.

>>605657136
hahahahahah

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i scratch my asshole, pluck out dingleberries and smell my fingers after

When my skin gets really itchy, I pick holes in the carpet. if the carpet is light brown, I'll move the furniture to revel the indentations and pour water on them.

>>605657057
I do this

>>605657057
i do kek

>>605657252
What are dingleberries?

>scratch in between dick and balls
>sniff fingers for a minute or two

every night as I fall asleep I basically imagine myself as the hero in a damsel-in-distress movie situation.
I'm not a virgin or anything but I've been doing this since I was in kindergarten at least.
Usually I'll use a scenario from the last movie or tv show I saw and keep that scenario for a
Few months.
Also I picture the girl as an Emma Watson type.
I imagine myself as someone very skilled in hand to hand combat protecting the girl and being her hero.

It's really gay as fuck now that I type that out but true.
Anyway I fall asleep to that every night

>>605657374
I do this too, except I don't use water I put a small ice cube on the indentations and wait for it to melt

>>605657252
Same. I go one step further and will pick my nose. To top things off, literally the only time I wash my hands is after i take a shit or during a shower.

>>605652602
This right here is what keeps me coming back to this shithole. Thanks anon.

>>605657508
You are a colossal faggot.

>>605652107
bathroom

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>>605657508
Same here anon, I even listen to my iPod to some song and sync up the imaginary fighting with the song

>>605654796
I just feel it has to be done.

Wear my step-daughters dirty panties.