>>613506590
>be plague doctor
>walking around in plagued out city
>some bitch comes up
>"P-please, I need help!"
>yo wdf
>"First you must find the ancient tomb of Settra, and then you must jerk his skeleton dick to get yourself pregnant. After that, sacrifice the skelechild to the Chaos Gods."
>she leaves
>i go about with my spooky fume-gun spraying green shit

>later
>get a pigeon message
>"European women tries to enter tomb, spreads plague to Egypt"

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Moar, I love this.

>sitting in doctor castle
>playing with child skeleton
>calling it "research"
>anyone who calls me out in any way winds up mysteriously being accused of witchcraft
>continue with my "research"
>man comes in complaining of a hurt voice
>give him some compounds I made to rubs inside his throat
>"make your voice come out smoother"
>dies later that night from unknown causes
>"He didn't use my compounds right,"
>go back to research

Bumping for the cause good sir

bimpity bampity bump

> be in doctor castle
> child comes into my office
> tells me his parents are sick
> shitting themselves to death
> i tell him i know what they need
> scan floor, find cockroach
> spit on it and crush it
> give mixture to child
> later hear parents die from shtting
> they didnt use the mixture correctly

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I really feel like drawing comics based on those autistics works of fiction.

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>Be plague doctor in the good days
>Young knight comes in complaining of a hurt in his head
>Put on my serious doctor mask and tell him surgery of serious size must happen
>Grab hacky thing and saw into upper cranium crudly
> Forgot that it would hurt
>Patient is kill and found nothing the matter
>Mfw it was all in his head

>be peasant
>ye old plague doctor attempting to cure citywide diarrhea epidemic
>he suggests we wear a bag of cloves around our necks
>I suggest we wash our hands with soap and water
>tfw I am accused of witchcraft and burned at the stake

>be doctor
>patient tries convincing people to brew a potion of witchcraft out of fat
>gets brewed at the stake
>tell them to continue wearing my remedy
>half the town dies from diarrhea
>they failed to use my product correctly
>accuse woman necmxt to me of witchcraft

>>613513978
Kek.

Ye bump

>>613513978
>burned at stake for witchcraft
>unhurt as I am really a witch
>curse countryside with heathenism
>great strides are made in science and medicine

Bumpe

ye olde bump

>>613515256
Mother of God

Bumping. Maybe some greentext of different times?

Bump for the longer bread screencap I saw once plox.

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>am 1940's wife
>husband complains because my vagina reeks like a dead fish shoved into a donkeys asshole
>many advertisements gloat about the feminine hygiene product Lysol
>put large amounts up my lady bits
>it burns like hellfire
>my husband enjoys the lemony scent
>I die 2 weeks later of Pelvic Inflammatory Disease
>tfw Lysol saved my marriage

>be me chilling in my doctor castle with my squire helper dude
>one of the peasants from village walk in say's his family has strange things on skin
>tell him i know exactly whats wrong
>mfw i dunno wtf hes talking about
>tell him he needs to return later evening so i give him medicine
>he leaves. take a shit in a test tube , add in crushed cat's intestines, goat milk, strange plant from my castle garden and my squire's piss
> man arrives to pick up the concoction. tell him to use on skin of family
>family die, not so long after man infected too
>tell king god sent us plague and we need burn everyone in village
>few survivors left for my doctor experiment(play dolls)
>mfw everyone buys my bullshit

>>613506590
>you're problem

>>613518210
>being this new

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>1900's doctor
>recent rise in hysteria cases
>hands be getting tired from rubbing on all these pussies
>create device that uses electricity to create vibration
>mfw I created the first vibrator
>mfw I give your girl more orgasms than you do

No don't die thread

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>>613519619
My god...

>be me
>chilling in hut
>man comes in
>says he has bad case of swole penis
>perform chicken ritual while he consunates with virgin girl
>his swole penis does not go away
>accuse him of being cursed by enemy truve voodoo witch Doctor
>roast him and eat him during village ceremony

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moar plz I'am stone and my sides are dying here.

>be me
>man is injured building colloseum
>prescribe him coca leaves and marijuana buds
>unrelated string of murders by unidentified drug addict
>prescribe patient more coca leaves hoping to calm him down and set better example for criminal
>mfw crime rate rises drastically
>accuse woman of being a christian
>crucify her

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>>613520305

Bump bc doctor

>>613512284
>all in his head
my sides are in orbit, doctor. What do you recommend?

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>am famous and well known doctor in early 1900's
>patient complains of troubles breathing
>prescribe my famous asthma cigarettes
>patient claims he already smokes 20 a day
>tell him he needs to smoke at least 40 a day
>a year later patient dies while coughing up blood
>clearly didn't smoke often enough

>>613522001
Coca leaves and milk of the poppy

>>613522153
>foul breath
menthol?

>>613522258
Way ahead of you, scary brother. Should I also stop using my mimosa incense?

>>613512221
Fucking do it.

>>613522314
Yes, it even cures canker sours

>canker sours

>sours

>>613522153
Not recommended for children under 6, but if your 7 it's cool light up a fag.

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>Be me
>Plague doctor of the Ebola plague
>Ebola has taken the half of murica
>America has reverted into an 1800's state
>tfw I'm a fucking plague doctor
>one day treating Ebola nigger patient
>beat the shit out of nigger with stick
>give him advil crushed up and placed into water with brown food coloring
>never catch Ebola
>become best plague doctor, Advil is helping Ebola victims
>tfw im being paid for advil that's 2$ roughly
Moral of the story, drink milk and stay strong

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>>613522895
You reminded me: ebola kill niggers and makes white people into super heroes

>>613522895
Wut?

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>>613523104
WHITE PEOPLE BECOME ALEX MERCER PROTOTYPE IS REAL LIFE

>Be me
>Chilling in abandoned building/doctor castle
>'Murica has failed and spiraled into an 1800s state
>Fashion plague-doctor mask from old SWAT gas mask.
>Woman comes in complaining of swole dick
>All my wut
>I know exactly what to do.
>Fucked Bailey Jay in nigger castle/abandoned building.
>Got the aids.
>Travel 'Murica perscribing my penis to cure everything.
>Life is good.

>>613523533
>prescribing my penis
Prescribing your penis to men too, m8?

>>613523717
I would fuck bailey jay

>>613523717
Sex is sex. World is end. Fuck all, spread aids.

>>613512221
PLAGUE DOCTOR COMICS IS MY DREAM NOW ANAON

>>613523843
I'd rather spread AIDS by tainting the water supply

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>Be me, a local plague doctor and come from a family of plague doctors.
>My family is very rich due to their plague curing skills
>I suggest a new way of curing plagues
>My family huddles in as I take out my Android and open Plague Inc. and my family comes up with a name.
>We name it Bubonic because that's our last name
>tfw plague actually starts in west Africa and travels to America
>shit goes hectic
>all niggers and nigger lovers and any race that likes the nigger get crucified
Moral of the story, keep your sisters & brothers on check and have them never date niggers.

>2500's doctor
>being sent to cure all non genderqueer Caucasian males of their disease
>come across white male attempting to have sex with white female
>medical school taught us penis in vagina is always rape
>clearly this man is mentally ill
>proceed to castrate him and administer estrogen
>All is well in the reign of queen Hilary Clinton IV

>be me
>plague be scary
>stay at my office 90% of the time for fear of plague
>old lady comes in with what i assume is her grandson
>dont know what the fuck is wrong with this kid
>tell her to fed him the berries by the creek three times a day
>say no more
>find out a couple of moons later that he is dead
>find out she was also burned and proclaimed a witch
>other doctors say he was poisoned
>i am a doctor

>>613524434
>Hilary Clinton IV
They each reigned for 125 years?

>>613524716
Yes thanks to transgender sciences.

>honestly I thought I would be off by more than that

>>613524716
Doesn't have to be the 4th consecutive Hilary Clinton to be HC IV

Toasting in epic bread

>>613524943
>2536
>I'm awakened by a droplet of water hitting my temple
>Cold stone all around me, my home is secure.
>I'm the last of the Meninists, those who stood up to the Clinton Dynasty of Horrors.
>Today is the day
>The day of reckoning.

>>613525598
Please tell me this story includes some skull fucking

>>613525598
>I pull on my cargo shorts. The last clothing with 2 leg holes
>No shoes, all the roads are paved with grass
>No shirt, for that would be surrender.
>I stride out into the open, my eyes forward, rather than at the ground. I see 2 womyn shuffling past each other. Their hair briefly tangles. The Preventative Military Sedative(TM) on each of their wrists gives each of them a small dose of dopamine to ensure no conflict would arise
>These savages have no soul

>>613525897
I'm making this up as I go. I'll try to add a little in, but our hero is unlikely to get far.

i fucking love this tapestry

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>Be spooky plague doctor
>Chillin in my doctor castle
>Poking a skeleton I found with my doctor cane
>Motherfuckingreseatch.scroll
>Old man walks in
>Says he cant get it up for his wrinkly old lady
>Pick up passing toad and put it in my skeletons skull
>Fill holes with other toads
>Tell him to take frogskull to the nearest cow
>Milk the cow onto the frogskull
>Rub frogskull on genitalia nightly
>mfw it worked
>I am a doctor

>am doctor in ancient Egypt
>man complains of head pain
>drill hole in head to relieve pressure
>woman does not want pregnancy
>tell her to use crocodile dung as contraception
>am actually surprised that stupid shit worked

>>613526133
>I know this is the day I'm going to die.
>I put this off far too long, the dynasty may already be eternal.
>I march forward, my feet, unclad by the counter-trigger footwear designed by Hillary III's R&D department, announces my approach.
>The womyn, thus, hears my approach. Hir mint-green hair turns a fearful lavender as xe turns to face me. Hir nose points between my legs, hir eyes turn, expecting my stance to mirrer hir own submissive demeaner.
>Her eyes shoot down as she sees my chin, my scowl, and the barest hint of a dark brown beard. What is this creature doing? Is this the "donimant" stance I'd read about in Edutainment? I'm... I'm triggered!
>She silently weeps as I pass her by. A small victory, but now they'll know.

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>>613526771
As I pass I say to her: it was my privilege.

Bump for more medieval doctor

>>613526771
>Now unburdened by my gaze, she closes her eyes to lean her head back (viewing the sky is forbidden, as the beauty cannot be appreciated by the un-visibly-gifted), and screams the trigger word for the Feminist Defense Force
>"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPE"
>The MLP:FIM theme plays out of sirens as the streetlights slowly fade to darkness and back, the womyn scatter, shocked by the one womyn's shriek and the alarm that followed.
>The streets open, and dozens of proud FDF officers look at the ground around them, seeking the one in need of help
>they see exposed flesh not on the face.
>many faint
>the rest gather around me, creating a restrictive hugbox to restrain me
>I lift my right arm, significantly stronger than my left from maintaining masculinity
>I swat 2 of them aside.
>they scatter
>what is this show of violence? Were not all these savage MEN burned before this time of peace
>it seems not.

>>613527044
Don't spoil it.

>>613507091
>>613511237
>>613513978
>>613517951
>>613520305
>>613520753
>>613523533
>>613526646
These are all terrible. Points for trying, but it's clear that shitposting and fapping is all you many are capable of.

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>>613527709
Mfw none of mine are on this list.

>>613527392
>I pull air into my lungs, my pectoral muscles catch a glimmer of light and reflect it into the eye of the womyn who exposed me
>xe resumes xir rallying call
>I lean into her personal space, and mutter
>in my glossy baritone voice
>"shut your mouth you cunt"
>hir ears bleed, she faints
>the womyn prance away
>I march towards one slow enough to be left behind, quiet enough not to call the herd back to hir
>I pick hir up, and ask
>"Where is Mistress Clinton's office?"
>xe tries to look away
>xe tries to wiggle free
>xe steals a glance at my face, and xe turns a crimson red
>"i-it's over there, sir" she says, trying not to faint.
>I set her down, and her hand reaches up to mine
>I look back towards her, in time to see her scurrying away, trembling
>Seeds of dissent.

Saw original post on imgur/b

>>613528026
>I trot up the ramp
>stairs are too barbaric?
>The doors open at a touch, but I push them to the wall
>the womyn at the front desk heard the commotion outside, and tried to make themselves scarce
>tried to
>A glare is all it takes to get the location of the Ovum Office, and behind me the Pony alarm sounds again, this time accompanied by a more true rendition of a strobe light
>heavily armored womyn storm up behind me, ready to deploy the iron hugbox
>Luckily, this battalion had to be fast with the armor on, so they're mousey. I lift one into the air and throw them into the others. They don't get within 10 feet of me.
>if they want to come at me, they'll need a weapon
>weapons are banned within city limits
>all meals, even the ones i could steal, were precut into bite size pieces
>I had the last bit of metal not designated to be part of an iron hugbox
>and this ballpoint pen is going in Clinton's temple.

>>613528244
Can't hate on imgur. Also checked em

>>613525598
>>613526133
>>613526771
>>613527392
>>613528026
This is golden, Anon.

>>613528026
Xe, xir, xim. Xek.

>>613528691
>hers is the last door with a handle
>none have locks
>I kick her door in
>and destroy the dynasty
>she looks me in the eyes
>they begin to glaze over at the sight of my rippling biceps
>It's time
>I click the pen, the side of the building blasts
>200 years of planting testosterone bombs finally pays off
>The Preventative Military Sedative isn't fast enough to counter this concentrated hormone
>for the first time in centuries, there is an ovulation, and there is ovulation all over the world
>Clinton, lacking a frontal lobe, is now just a rutting animal
>they're all just rutting animals now
>my last day is spent sharing prime brotein with the first women in half a millenium
>My heart palpitates
>the lavender haired girl, now fully lucid, looks to the sky, proclaiming "Oh, fuck yes!" as I paint her womb white. She will be my first lady, and carry on my unspoken creed
>"th-thank you, anon..." she says, empathetically feeling my heartbeat. she knows i'm dying
>"it was my privilege"

>>613529767
blasts open*

>>613529767
Oh fuck anon. I came.

>>613529981
I try, brother man. It would've been better, but I have a killer headache

>>613530109
Would've been better? How it was already the best!

>>613530314
I could've done more foreplay before the testosterone climax

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>1700's
>am spooky bird mask doctor
>sitting in my office reading my mate leonardo's new book
>woman bursts in holding rotting hunk of flesh
>mfw it's her fucking baby
>don't know what is wrong but have heard of this case before
>recommend mother scrapes off excess skin every night before putting baby to sleep
>check in after a few days and it's working, much fresher skin, baby is quieter according to mother
>chilling in office again playing my abacus
>mother bursts in trying to kill me
>dumbass couldn't tell her baby was dead for the past couple of days because 1700's and she thought the new skin was starting to come through
>accuse her of being a witch
>she gets burnt and I go back to play my abacus

>>613506590
how to request archiving?

>>613530653
4archive.org

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>>613512221
IT MUST BE DONE, FOR SCIENCE

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>gathering of plague doctors
>me eyesalve eye infection
>The recipe is to mix garlic and onion, wine and oxgall (bile from a cow's stomach) to be brewed in a brass vessel for some days
>other doctors think its a ridiculous recipe "doesnt even contain spinning or a venesection" they say
>other doctors gets furious and point me out as the charlatan destroying the good reputation of medical advancement
>"me doctor !" I yell while they burned me alive
>1000years later i see this from heaven http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn27263-anglosaxon-remedy-kills-hospital-superbug-mrsa.html#.VUXqd5Ogo8M
>mfw

>>613518315
not hating of ill grammar
you are the problem

Bubububump

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>be 20th century plague doctor in my castle
>no one comes to me because of bull shit medicine
>one of my patients comes in for a check up
>he's homeless and insane
>complains of bad breath
>mfw i know the cure
>make a mix of bleach and garlic diluted with my piss
>he drinks the lot
>go to his spot on the street to see how he is
>he's lying on the floor
>go down to wake him up
>he's now a lifeless body with his jaw rotted off
>must have used my mix wrong.

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muh fetish

>>613532912
...that's hot actually

>>613529767
beautiful

>>613534499
glad to serve

>>613532912
ah, much wonderful faps to come