>>673550569
I forgot to mention I'm bisexual

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>be me 6yrs old
>poop in shower
>pick up poop
>roll it into a ball
>throw it around the shower
>leave it overnight so I can play again
>get caught in morning
My dad's face when sees it

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>Be me
>Be 13
>Girl in my class, Jess.
>At the time, I was quite fond of her. She was devloped into a women at the time. She had boobs.
>School trip, camping trip.
>I was so excited, I was hoping I could pull one on Jess
>We got there, the tents were brought by the school
>Each tent had 2 rooms, of course guys and guys, girl and girl type of shit
>Anyways, 2 days into the trip we're sitting around the camp fire
>Sudden idea to tell a story
>Ended up confussing my love for Jess infront of each student, teacher there and talked about her boobs. Or I tried to, one of the teachers pulled me away..

I transfered schools into highschool, but I don't know what the fuck I was thinking

Bump for interest

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>be me, 12 y/O
>fapping in shower
>I started fapping before I could cum
>One day, fapping just like usual
>About to climax (usually nothing comes out)
>All the sudden, it feels like 10x as better as other times
>Blow a small nut like 3 feet
>Realise I made a ton of grunting and shit
>Mom is coming to investigate noise
>Develop a genius plan in the blink of an eye
>No time to get to toilet, decide I'll do it here
>Squat down and act like I'm taking a shit
>Mom walks in
>Sees me trying to shit on her shower floor
>Walks out
>Realise what a fucking Idiot I am
>mfw

>>673550993
what the fuck kind of shit parent lets their 6 year old take a shower alone

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>be me
>16yo
>was at home with parents
>sister and her husband came along
>it was summer
>had shorts on
>no_underwear.jpeg
>had a tiny ball of poop between my asscheeks
>pushed it back in my asshole, didnt want to go to bathroom
>later in livingroom with parents and sister + husband
>stood up and walked away
>came back
>pieces of shit where i walked
>the ball of shit fell on the ground and i stepped into it
>they asked me where it came from
>i said i didnt know
>the noticed it wasnt dogshit
>still denying
>omfg emberrased
>didnt tell anyone

>>673551949
>"maybe he was constipated and he thought it would help..."

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>be like 9
>go to friend's house to play videogames together
>somehow ends up with us rubbing our dicks together
>back then I believed that not confessing my deadly sins of lust would mean I'd go to hell
>next day I man up and confess to the school's reverend that I diddled around with a classmate
>he goes ''uhuh'' while holding his hand to his chin
>classmate moved some states away that year
>try my damnest to forget any of this ever happened

>remembered it just now

>be me
>6 yo
>first sleepover
>friend wants to do bonding ritual
>que.jpg
>go into closet
>tells me to pull down pants
>we rub our dicks together
>almost 15 years later I still kin this guy
Kill me

>>673553140
>confess to schools reverend
holy fuck kek

>>673553140
Wtf me too I just posted mine

>>673550569
i worked at a summer camp as a cabin leader for 4 summers
we always know
its fucking weird

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Bump

>>673553763
Got any particular stories?

>>673554157
>>673554157
>>673554157
This

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>>673550569

>>673554157
>coworker got really wasted on one of his off nights
>woke up at 5am in the middle of the camp meeting area missing his shirt
>wasnt caught as far as i know

>be around 10 years old
>at friend's house
>find a gnome hat in the basement
>decide to wear it with some big leather female boots for the lol
>go behind his house where there was an unfinished football field
>it was getting dark
>climb on a tall dirt pile and fell off
>notice there are people smoking pot on a table hundred feet away
>they come toward me
>i ran back at friend's home
>mfw some people smoking weed saw a little guy with big leather boots and a gnome hat descending from a pile of dirt in the dark

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>be me
>15 yo
>go to six flags one summer
>there's groundhogs fucking everywhere
>one comes close to our group as we're eating lunch
>everyones petting it
>thought it was kawaii as fuck
>fast-forward to beginning of school year
>first day of english class
>class is organized so everyone has a partner
>teacher want's us to write about exciting things we did that summer
>didn't do jack shit that summer
"oh well, i'll just write anything I did"
>one of them is that I pet a groundhog at six flags
>after 10 mins she tells us to switch papers with our partner and read them out loud
>mfw
>entire class thinks one of the most exciting thing I did over the summer was pet a hedgehog

can't even remember the other things on the list because all I remember is how much I wanted to kill myself

>>673554157
>having dinner with cabin
>8 fourteen year olds in my cabin
>hell.jpg
>one of my kids trying to be vegan
>asks me are eggs vegan

>>673554157
different coworker got fired for selling weed to a camper

>>673552379
Are you retarded do you just watch your kid take a shower or fucking what

>>673553140
>go to friend's house to play videogames together
>somehow ends up with us rubbing our dicks together

Uh huh. As you do...

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>>673552379

> implying it isn't weird to shower with their 6-year old

>>673554681
Kek, that would be something to see.

>>673554681
Kekkk

>>673554686
fucking kek

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>>673555000
DOUBLE TRIPS??!!??!?!?!?!????!!!!!

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>>673555577
>>673555000

>>673554681
K E K
E
K

>>673554681

> mfw
> no reaction image

Other than that, fucking kek

>accidently printed a porn website onto my parents networked printer. Only found out when they nervously started "the talk with me"
>blamed it on a virus
>I hope the less than sign does what I think it does

>>673554157
>first summer working at camp
>my group is 12-14 y/o girls
>co counsellor is the biggest hippy cuntfuck i've ever met
>she leaves for 8 days to do some hippy cuntfuck shit
>me and kids rejoice
>have to tell kids after 8 days are up that cuntfuck is coming back
>literal screaming
>the night she comes back they decide to freak her out w/o my knowledge
>kids in bed me and cuntfuck are having a meeting
>5 kids run out of their bedroom area shirtless w/ shorts pulled up over their shoulders
>kind of look like human stingrays
>they all run at her
>cuntfuck screams and tries to resolve situation
>lmao
>cuntfuck ends up having an anxiety attack and leaves for two more days
i had to pretend to be really mad at these five fucking legends for so long

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>>673555577
>>673555000

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>>673555846
for you

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>be 11
>get dog as a gift, he is like 1yo
>parents say they be going to get me my best friend from the train station thats 30min away.
>yay i can fap
>started recently, everything turns me on
>be alone fapping on the sofa, dog walks by plays with dogtoys in Front of me
>I stare at his happiliy twitching asshole and get massive turnon
>call the dog to me
>he comes happily and starts licking my dick
>"omfgyes"
>get insta orgasm (no semen, too young)
>frontdoor opens
>"anon your friends mother called the train was late so she will get him here herself..."
>pull the mid-sized dog on my nude lap and start rolling into a ball
>"anon! What are you doing!"
>dog gets hurt by my squeezing and squeals
>scream in a WWE fashioned way "EL PERRO LOCO IS PINNED DOWN. ITS A SUBMISSION WIN BY EL ANON GRANDE!!"
>i roll myself from the sofa acting like i lost my trousers there a bit
>my entire ass is naked and i think they even saw my testicles
>"Anon you dont wrestle with dogs and even less while you naked"
>they laugh and leave

Fast forward 10 years
Im 21

My dog is still alive and my parents always tell friends of me and others how i naked-wrestled my dog

Im happy i didnt fuck the dog in the ass, i think i would have if he woulndt have licking my wood before

I also always get cringes when i see a dogs anus because i was such a retard

Oh even better, (and yay, the > does what I thought it does, no trifoce embarrassment)

>Girl I know comes over my (parents) house when I am 8 or so
>She says "I saw this on TV"
>We get naked, I attempt to put my flaccid tiny penis in her, she knows what she is doing, she saw it on TV
>No idea what to do now. I suggest that I am supposed to piss in her.
>She agrees. I do it.

6 months later we do it again.. using pedal bin liner as a condom.. I KID YOU NOT.. I had no boner. Didn't even know what a boner was.

(I don't think she did either)

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> be 7/8 years old
> riding in car with family (mother, father, and brother)
> dad threw something out the window; can't remember if cheeseball or chewed gum

By cheeseball, I mean one time he had a container of cheeseballs and was throwing some out 1-by-1 to make my brother and me kek.

> i see dad throw said object out window
> "Dad, you can't litter."
> "Why not?" he asked
> "Because you'll embarrass the ants."
> mom and dad laughs
> I was actually serious
> MFW I think of how stupid I was as a kid

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>>673556331
You pissed inside a girl, at the age of 8, more than once?
mfw kek

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>be me
>be about 12
>horny little bastard
>at lake
>started to concentrate on the feeling of water around my dick
>get boner
>this was back before i could control the urges
>turn my self away from shore
>slowly jerk off so people dont see my arms moving fast
>other kids near me (like 15+ feet away)
>blow load
>try to find it so other dont find it
>went home worried i might get a girl pregnant
>mfw im a public masturbator

>>673556331
>>673556331
>tfw this turns me on

>>673556331

>"anon piss in me cunt i tell you wot!"

>"ye bet i dew ye Manchester slag"

I swear the Poster is Brittish

>>673554976
I worked as a counselor too. This sounds exactly like the one I worked at. What camp?

>reading greentexts
>forgets story
>goes to jerk it

just remembered this and it makes me fear myself
>get out of shower, probably like 8
>wait for mom to get me a towel, I forgot one
>dog runs in. I locked the door with dog inside and take a small piss on the carpet
>I blame the dog
>mom hits dog
>feelsbadman.jpeg

>>673556879
I am british!

I had no idea WTF I was doing, I genuinely thought that must be what you are supposed to do.

I was 8. The only thing that had ever come out of my dick was piss. So, if I put my dick in a girl, I am supposed to piss in her. Come on it makes sense!

>>673554686
I thought it was a ground hog. Tells the class hedgehog.
Lies

>>673556614
another masturbation story
>me and my friend in my room
>we start jerking off side-by-side
>we were old enough to know this was probably weird
>see my dad and sister coming down the road
>tell him we should probably stop
>"no dude we're fine"
>continue
>also we had my parents lube
>hear foot steps
>pull pants up and zip faster than speed of light
>hands still slippery
>sister peeks in telling us she got a fish
>me and him standing trying to hold lube bottle in our hands
>it falls
>she has a weirded out face
>leaves
dead inside

>>673556552
Your dad is the biggest asshole in that story.

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>>673555000
>>673555000

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>>673550569
>be me
>dumb hormone fueled, edgelord 14 year old
>think some chick is hot.
>think I "love her" because of that.
>write all this bullshit about how she's a goddess and shit
>she finds out what I wrote.
>ohshitnigger.jpg
>goes on essay length rant about how I'm human filth. (pic related is mfw it's real good)
>lose contact, and become even edgier shut in fag.
>mope like that for a few months, until I decide to stop being a little bitch, and be a man.
>over the years I change everything about myself, become better man.
Going trough an awful cringe situation made me become a decent person.

>>673551949
12? I been busting nuts daily since I was 10.

>>673557520
Ahh the innocent age where masturbation is discovered, yet you are not adult enough to do understand masturbation is for when you should be alone, in the dark with your speakers on mute watching webm on 4chan.

The only reason I could possibly want children is to massively troll them and make them and their friends feel massively unconfortable with my overly loud confident comments about sexual exploits.

OH YES JIMMY. MY WIFE AND I, IN OUR YOUNGER DAYS, AND BY THAT I MEAN LAST NIGHT, FISTED EACHOTHER. WHAT O. GREAT STUFF

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you guys are gonna love this one
>be me
>be like 8 or 10
>x-men 2 is advertising on tv
>quick shot of when mystique slides out the door while flipping men off
>thought she was a snake lady
>also think she was kinda hot
>fantasize that im her snake kid
>mfw

>>673557341

At least you didnt give her a lick job

She could have caught tooth decay down there

>>673557815
it builds character anon

>>673558059
The natural colour of teeth is stained yellow, I have you know

>>673551949
Shit so lost to this

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>>673558173

>>673558000
>fantasize that im her snake kid
I keked.

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>>673558000
sneks r hot

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>be me
>12 yo
>in the midst of masturbation
>love it so much i do it everywhere
>even at school
>one day i get horny in class
>hiding my throbbing pee pee i ask to use the restroom
>"yes anon, but you better be quick"
>skip happily to the bathroom, ding dong-a-flappin
>check the stalls real stealthy like
>justmeandmydingaling.jpeg
>squirt a handful of soap
>plop down in my jack off stall
>i called it the masturbation station
>tell myself "ok anon, you gotta be sonic fast on this one"
>unbuckle my trousers
>proceed to pound my pickle until its pink
>im in the masturbation station for longer than normal
>the noises in there were 2fast 2furious
>about to cum
>groaning in anticipation
>hear giggling
>"hey anon, the teacher said to hurry up"
>he can't say it without laughing
>too close to climax
>this shit ain't going down
>my face is as red as my pecker is
>conceal my cockles
>buckle my trousers
>leave restroom hunched like smeagul to make my boner less obvious
>Jamiriqui, purebred nigger towers above me chuckling
>escorts me to class
i still don't know if he really knew what was going on in that stall that faithful day.

>>673558287
Surprisingly close to the truth. Back in the day, my dentist decided that my teeth were "good enough" and left them. Was rather self-conscious of my under bite and horse-like front teeth for a number of years until I became dead inside.

guys ill win this instantly
>be me
>age 10
>recently got into masturbation
>i dunno what do adults usually do for masturbation
>see my black shoes...
> they have dr scholls inserts
> grab it.
>shove it in pants.
>start fucking humping that thing
>ohyes.jpg
>continues about to nut
>suddenly mom busts into room
>"anon this room is a fucking mess clean it up"
>cont?

>>673550569
Holy crap man, during science camp in 5th grade similar shit happened to me. They put up little dividers between the bunks, and this niglet started fapping right next to me (divider between us) He was breathing hard and everybody could totally tell. But nobody said anything to each-other until the next day.

>>673556879
>>673556331

Why am I not surprised this happened in Britain?

Isnt Piss in Vagina the way Brits create their offspring?

>>673558466
>soap for lube
fuck dude

One more for you:

At work, femdom GF tells me to go into the bathroom and wank (not come though). I do my duty. I sit on the closed toilet seat. My bony ass breaks the fucking seat.

>>673558591
you have my attention

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>>673558000
>fantasize that im her snake kid

>>673558637
TBF we would do better if we did. I do like the idea of doing it to this day, but I don't think that I will get the chance :-p

>be like 9 years old
>be on a school trip
>we were going to some national park or some shit
>recently had found out about masturbating
>while on the ride back to school, i start jacking off
>put a jacket on top of it so no one knows
>except i had my mate sitting next to me and he knew, i fucking told him
>keep jacking it, teacher starts walking towards me
>i stop, she walks past me and doesnt notice anything
>i continue and finish
>now if that wasnt worse, i constantly kept giving my mate updates like
>oh im going faster
>oh snap the teacher is coming
>oh dude im gonna get to the good feeling now

>>673558466
>squirt a handful of soap

You're either lying, or you soap-jerked yourself into having a babydick as an adult.

>>673558466
>masturbation station
kek

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>>673558885
Wait what

Ew.

>>673558954
wait what? is that why my dick looks weird?

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>>673558943
>those updates

>Be me
>8 year old
>Had discovered back when I was six I had a foot fetish
>One day in class teacher decides to have what I still consider a weirdass experiment
>We´re supposed to sit in a circle and take our shoes off
>Ashamed to show my feet
>Consider it like getting naked in front of everyone
>Ask permission to go to the restroom
>Run like hell
>Wait for a couple minutes
>Come back
>They all have their feet in the air in a circle
>See girls' feet
>Prepubescence boner raises
>Sit down along everyone else
>Star taking off my shoes very dragging on the moment
>Staring without a care at girl´s feet
>Star getting weird looks, but don´t care
>Teacher ask what´s wrong
>I realize what´s going on and see boner
>Everyone sees boner
>Silence for 5 seconds
>Teacher asks everyone to put shoes back
>We sit down; never talk about it again
>Still remember their looks

>>673556294
underrated post

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>>673559115
>>673559178

Wait what

>>673559115
Look, sex, as it is, gets samey. Hell its fun, yes, but if you are the type of guy who likes to do a thing, then asks himself "hmm, well what can I do next time that makes things more interesting..."

^^that is the sort of shit that results

>>673550569
>I was in 4th grade
>Asked for permission to go to the toilet to teacher
>She refused
>I shit my pants
> Cool Smell
>

>be me
10 years old

>>673559208
>you were the teacher.

>>673559628
the end

>>673559596
Well, that was quick

>>673559139
It's possible

>>673559648
Kek

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>>673554623
Thanks for all the autism, anon.

>>673556294
really screwed the pooch there

>>673559628
I'd be so embarrassed if that happened to me

>>673557271
kek

>>673557341
>So, if I put my dick in a girl, I am supposed to piss in her

When I was 10 or so started hearing that you nut when you fuck a girl.

I thought that the nut actually came out of your cock.

fast forward 6 months or so
Mom starts to give me the sex talk
I tell her that I will save my nut when they come out and give to girl to make the baby with.

>>673557815
This is why bullying is good and antibullying has created a generation of faggots

>>673556294
fucking kek i love this one

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>>673558591
>"anon is.. Is that your church shoes in your pants"
>"yea I was using my shoe as a boat bottom and balancing myself... What? I like to pretend Im a viking ship mom."
> "oh um okay anon, help me clean your room up"
> proceed to pick up clothes off my floor and help my mom make the bed
> "uk okay anon. Why dont you show me and your dad how you play viking"
>*softly humps my shoe on my bed with my hands out while making water swooshing noises*
> "okay anon... Go to bed"
> I hear them ridiculously laughing for like an hour...
>fucking cum in my shoe
>didnt even clean that shit up
>it dried up for the next morning
>fucking wore that shit to school the next day.


Thats... A small item on my long list my retarded life

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>>673557520
Max kek

>>673555918
...it's more than

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Never told this to anyone before

>Be me
>4-6 region, I found that touching dick=pleasure
>Used to rub random cuddly toys on myself
>Did this with so many now it kinda scares me
>One day
>Parents decide we can have a sleepover (Me parents siblings)
>As they drift off to sleep I pick up a cuddly toy.
>Now normally I use a female (like this scottish one or a baby)
>But the only thing I could find was a spiderman toy.
>Whateverfloatsmyboat.jpg
>Pick it up and start furiously rubbing
>Lo and behold parents weren't asleep, and saw the whole thing
>Pull back covers and see me rubbing
>"What the hell are you doing anon"- Father
>...
>(Quick thinking)
>"I was rubbing for warmth, I'm cold"
>Parents don't believe me (at the time I thought they did)
>Never allowed to watch spiderman again and all my toys taken away.
>I continue to do it at school with a big snake toy anyway during rest time
>Hate myself now that I know it was probably obvious to everyone

>>673559908
Totally keked

> Be me
> be 7 years old
> mexican friend showed me porn and now i jerk off already
> decide to pull to pull out mini erect dick in class one day
> rest it on the desk for a solid fuckin minute
> girl next to me is the only one that notices
> doesnt say anything, but i know she sees it
> teacher sees.
> Anon, can you come see me at my desk?
> try to fuckin do this backflip out of my chair or something
> end up falling backwards, mini erect dick in face
> start crying
> mfw i get put in special ed a day later.

>>673560208
... .... ... yeah... I have had some wine, but not *that* much wine..

>>673552379
Pretty much any normal parent not raised in bubble wrap.

>>673560324
kek they thought you had a Spiderman fetish

>>673557271
why would you piss on the carpet if you were already in the bathroom

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>>673550569
>8 yr old
>friend from neighborhood comes over
>didnt let me be first player
>fought for controller, and i kicked him in stomach
>Then became first player

so retarted

>>673560556
why a backflip?

>>673556331
It's a good thing she didn't have a boner

>>673560921
Yes, you are

>>673550569
I masturbated into all my mother's and sister's soft panties. Feltgoodman.

>>673557520
I want to know more about the fish.

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>>673560324

You sad cretin, kek

>be me 13 at school
>friend brought unused condom
>ask to borrow
>throw in card for girlfriend
>I'm funny
>card has lots of words n shit
>give her card in front of her friends and mine
>next thing I remember is people pointing and laughing
>I'm on the ground
>girlfriend nowhere to be found
>ask friend what happened
>girl got mad, punched me and knocked me out
>few days pass
>at school dance see girlfriend
>says she was embarrassed, never talk or see me again
>desperation mode engage
>start crying make a scene
>please don't go. I'll kill myself

Fucking cunt was moving to New Mexico at the end of the year anyways. Heard about this for two years til I moved away

>be 15 yr old me
>fapping
>cumming
>have nothing to clean the mess up
>sees tshirt
>cleans the shit up with it
>throw shirt somewhere in my room
>next day
>had sport first lesson
>put some random shirt in my bag
>it was the cum shirt
>didnt noticed
>at our sports hall
>changing clothes. puts cum shirt on
>everyone starts looking weird
>i said it is milk or some shit
>fucking want to kill myself
>

>>673560740

He tries to justify his chronic bladder failure.

The guy is literally pissing everywhere until this very day

>>673550569
>be 10
>used to play beast wars with some other loner kid on the school yard.
>i was the hawk one because i thought hawks were cool
>ran around shrieking red in the face with my arms out and back arched down.
>kept to myself enough that in hindsight, its possible a lot of people may have legit thought i was an autist.

>>673559139

No shit sherlock, it's SOAP. It's got all sorts of antibacterial and chemical shit in it, especially if you're jamming it down your prepubescent peehole.

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>Be me
>somewhere around 8/9 years old
>used to play on Dad's laptop
>accidentally press CTRL+H
>lots and lots of porn
>whatdowehavehere.gif
>Click on some tacky Pornhub title
>"Busty Girl Gets a Deep Dicking"
>fast forward a few months
>start searching for cringey shit on Bing
>"sxy naked ladies"
>rub inpubescant boner on screen
>computer is at end of kitchen, which in my old house was basically a long corridor
>light turns on at end of corridor kitchen
>forgivemeIhavesinned.jpg
>Dad walks in, catches a glimpse of the page as my small hands quickly move the mouse to the close button
>"Open that back up a second Son"
>start crying and say I just pressed lots of adverts by accident
>believe me
>phew
>run into living room and hide my tiny boner

My parents broke up soon after that.

My Dad kept the PC.

My Mum sold the laptop,

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>>673555000
What?

>>673557815
>"I built myself into a better person"
> On 4chan

Shut the fuck up man.

>>673561413
it was either a beta or a gold fish
my sister always has fish
guess tuna like to be with trout

>>673562379
Umm... You're not supposed to lube your pee tube, anon, unless you're into some weird ass fetish shit.

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>>673562219

You better say which year it was back then.

Playing "animal" with 10 was considered normal in the 90's

In the 2000's you'd be considered a retard indeed. Since 10 year olds behave like Jayden Smiths and Kim Kardashians these days

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>be me,13 years old
>have art class outside in trailer separate from main school building
>get to class 15 minutes before it starts
>first and only one there for a few minutes
>decide to play it risky abd rub one out before anyone comes in
>get into the heat of it
>voice comes over the intercom asking me to stop and come to principals office
>school called parents and had to have meeting with principal
>got detention
>word gets around school
>become known as the kid who jerks off in class until I dropped out of school.
>mfw I didn't realize there were security cameras in every classroom until I got caught masturbating before class

>>673550569
>be in 6th grade
>have classmate who had to repeat a class
>classmate is not only about one year older but much bigger than us
>is kind of a mix between bully and classclown
>one day has pinned me against the wall
>grab him by the balls to make him go
>others notice what I'm doing, cheer me on
>keep holiding his nuts for like one minute
>suddenly notice he gets an erection
>let go immediately
>he jumps up and down hoding his nuts, making funny noises in mock pain
>others laugh at him, I'm the only one who knows he secretely enjoyed it
>a few years later everybody knows he is gay, though he never came out as far as I know
>that strange feeling that I probably made him gay by sqeezing his nuts (he was definitely interested in girls before, always joking about ass&tits of girls in higher classes)

>be in 7th grade
>started experimenting with masturbation
>get real horny in class
>boobs.jpg
>go to bathroom
>decide to masturbate
>about to blow
>teacher walks in
>oh shit
>teacher walks out
>nut
>blow load in bathroom all over stall
>do it for a week straight

look back on how weird i was

>>673560324
wow.

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>Be me in 3rd grade
>go on three day field trip to the coast
>we stay is some shitty center where the showers are in this sort of open octagonal room
>free time, playing war outside with some friends
>really need to take a shit
>want to keep playing war, don't know where the toilet is
>decide, fuck it i'll shit in my pants, what could go wrong
>instantregret.png
>continue as though nothing happened
>friends are wondering what smells like shit, I join in and ask people if they shit their pants
>I eventually submit and find teacher, tell him I shit my pants
>youfuckingwhat.jpg
>takes me inside, makes me shower, get changed
>think i'm all good
>meet up with the rest of the class as if nothing happened
>we go up to our dorms to prepare for dinner, most take showers
>dude notices brown stuff on my suitcase
>what's that anon?
>oh it's just melted chocolate
>we go downstairs to have dinner in the cafeteria
>sitting with friends, they start talking about how someone pissed in the showers because there was yellow water everywhere
>ewww hahaha that's so gross
>we finally leave for home

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE

>on the way back we stop at a science museum
>looking through the interactive exhibits
>oh shit I need to piss
>get concerned that I'll go to the bathroom and everyone else will leave without me
>i can hold it
>nope
>piss my pants, start to panic, no one has seen me yet
>spot artificial wave exhibit
>brilliantidea.jpg
>quickly wander over
>splash water on my self and emit a noise of surprise
>some girl in my class looks around, "you're wet anon"
>teacher comes over, explain how the wave machine splashed me
>not sure if they bought it, but no one says anything so I'm good
>go home, continue to cringe every time I think of it for the rest of my life

>>673563739
had a retarded kid in my middle school who blew loads every other day int eh bathroom
was that you anon?

>>673564575
You are either really smart or really stupid

>>673550569
Jakob?

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>be me
>be 15
>VERY important test incoming
>be a commuter
>be very late for a train, it's the last one
>I MUST BE on time to take the test
>I cannot miss that train
>Why late?
>because the bus has broken a mile away from the station
>run like hell the whole way
>it’s the dog days, I have a really heavy backpack and I’m basically a pussy at sports
>whymeofallpeople.jpg
>runforestrun.jpg
>reach station barely on time
>basically dying but still running as I see my train, doors are closing
>no, please, no, please, no, please
>I try to jump in
>I try

[why try? The trains are legally obliged to go AFTER closing the doors and then checking if everything's fine. They do it each and every time but it turns out, this was a special day, shaped by the Almighty to fuck me sideways.]

>I rebound, spin around, somehow still standing
>the train stops, I go in
>the conductor says nothing [I thought it was because of my faggotry, but it might be because he was afraid of legal action or some shit.]
>I'm so ashamed I escape to the end of the train basically avoiding their gaze
>I’m nervous as hell but I later somehow pass the test
>never tell anyone about it

JESUS FUCK each time I remember I almost lost a leg or something because I was a desperate idiot I'm cringing to oblivion. Some people might have luck or skills to do it correctly, but I won’t ever try it again, no matter what.

>be me
>13
>same age girl hitting on me for weeks
>HOLY SHIT I CANT BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING.jpeg
>class hour (its a thing in lithuania)
>teacher reading or some shit
>half of class skipped this boring shit
>talking with friend
>girl whos hitting on me jumps on lap
>had no idea what to do just sat there
>walks away laughing
>her friends are laughing
>me being the alpha that i was back then i say
>round 2?
>she laughing
>walks away to her chair
>think to myself
>ehhh what ever maybe next time
>couple minutes later
>talking with friend
>see her aproach
>get ready
>jumps on lap
>I GRAB ON TO HER
>SHES TRYING TO ESCAPE
>I SAY OHHH NO YOURE NOT GETTING AWAY THIS TIME!!!
>START LAUGHING LIKE A MANIAC
>i expect the same laughter
>i hear mild crying
>i let her go
>she grabbing on to her stomach
>sits down
>didint look each other in the eyes for the next couple weeks
may not be the best story but its all i got

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>In class
>Be bored
>Pick up an pencil
>Shape my fingers like a hole
>Put pencil through it
>Pretend its a drill
>Class gets the wrong image and gets disgusted
>Me not understanding and keeps asking
>Even the teacher is complaining now
>Whatthefuckamidoingwrong.killme
>Asks kid after class what it means
>mfw thinking about it

>Me and my cousin used to play a game called "fighting fighting"
>We used to beat the crap outta each other and the one who falls off the bed loses
>We then started drawing animal flash cards and pretend to be that animal during the fight

Fun times

>>673557341
Wait.
Are you Tom Hiddleston?

>>673565386
You're the 69th person in this thread. Good job.

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I've a winner story

>be 9
>be at home with 2 other friends
>play "challenge"
>one friend tells me to run down our hallway
>Challenge: swing with your head Right-left all the time
>"fukin easy"
>i just think what kind of Challenge i will propose when its my turn cause this is eazy as fuck
>Start running and rock my head furiously from side to side
>i snap a neckbone and squeal like a pig
>my balance is gone due to the Head shake and i fall
>Forehead smashes into the wall while i fall and i grind my face on the wall leaving half of my face Skin on the wall
>as i fall unconcious i just hear my buddies scream "blood is everywhere call his parents"
>Wake up in hospital
>"your son suffered a cervical lash, a concussion and face injuries. We have to keep him here for a few more days"
>the doctors didnt trust my parents when they said it happened when i was playing with my friends in the hallway
>an old dude comes to my hospital room and asks me if my dad "played with us" or if i get shaken a lot by him.
>mfw I realised i did something so dumb, doctors woulndt believe it was true

Still have a set of scars on my left face from that wall grind

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TFW every single one of these fucking autism stories are to do with boners/fapping, control your fucking dicks you mongoloids

>>673558000
top sneked

>>673565782
hahahah good job anon

>>673565791
Oh come one we were like 8

>>673558466
>hunched like smeagul
50/50 kek

>>673563739
are you me?

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>>673565782
tfw when you have two faces.

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>>673565782
>on my left face

>>673565782
the social worker pisses me off the most
one bad thing happens then BAM homeland security jumps in

>>673555000
This is both a good point and double trips.

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>>673564771
I did a similar thing during a test in 2nd grade

>be me, 2nd grade
>we're doing an hour long test
>it's a small ass school so the toilets are in another building
>there's a solar eclipse that day so teacher says we can't go outside in case one of the kids looks up and burns his eyes out
>because of this we're trapped inside and can't go to the bathroom, we also have to bring our own drinks
>i sit in the back row cause it's sneaky and shit
>half way through test, oh shit i need to piss
>hold on for dear life for about ten minutes
>on the verge of tears, I finally let go
>piss myself, no one has noticed yet
>begin to panic
>look at the empty bottle of ice tea on my desk
>brilliantidea.png
>open the bottle, place it on the edge of the table above my crotch
>bang it against the table and exclaim in surprise
>teacher comes over
>oh no you've spilled your drink anon
>she takes me to go to the bathroom
>meanwhile she tells the dude next to me to grab some tissue paper and wipe up the ice tea
>mfw I got a classmate to wipe up my own piss

absolutely true story here:

>12 years old
>going to 8-week arts sleepaway camp
>very large camp, 1,000+ campers and counselors
>we all wear badges that say our cabin number
>one day my best buddy in my cabin decides to organize an all-cabin fap
>75% of cabin is fapping concurrently
>other cabins find out and are looking into front door freaking out
>crowd grows
>within a week entire camp has found out
>"Cabin 7" becomes instant legend of cringe and ostracization
>have to walk around with badge pinned to me that says "Cabin 7" for next 6 weeks
>never went back to that camp again

>Be me
>like 4 or something
>have neighbors over
>all 3 are girls and around the same age
>Childhood friends who liked to play video games with me
>get wierd idea
>tell them to try on my underwear
>lolwut
>they do it
>all 3 are wearing nothing but my underwear
>suggest the idea to surprise my dad downstairs
>they say why not and do it
>hear dad scream my name a few seconds later
>dad gives me a lecture on why it was wrong
>more than a decade later and I still can't look at them the same

I have many
>be me 5 or 6
>at friends house, they have epic sandbox
>playing hard, feel urge to poop, don't want to stop
>think to my young self, screw it and just crap pants thinking no one will notice
>poop is soon running down my leg, giant redwood size log
>shake it off into sandbox
>friends are puking now, their dad says I should probably leave
>I feign not knowing why
>he has to get giant winter shovel to cover the thing with sand and scoop it out
>get sent home, feel stupid
>short lived, go back and play the next day

>>673566234

Ok i forgot to add "side"

Im not even a native speak bruh

>>673565791
Autistic edgelords are the only people you meet on /b/

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>>673550993
kekd uncontrollably

>>673566517
How much do you piss yourself man

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>be me 17 years old
>just got into huge fight with gf of 1 year
>go to party to take my mind off things
>super hot grill 9/10 takes interest in me
>some other dude was trying to fuck her
>she ditches him and hangs out with me
>we were talking good
>suddenly get impulses to kiss her
>try to go in for kiss she rejects me and leaves
>everyone saw
makes me want to kill myself to this day, please give me comfort i want to die

>>673566622
use that as your pickup line
>eyy femanon wanna fuck? you've already been in my underwear

>>673566958

That includes yourself and the quoted poster

>>673558591
Dont ask to continue fucking fag, just do it

>>673567036
Only those two times, but I consider myself a piss ninja

>>673566584
kekd

>>673559596
cool smell...

>>673567142
Also fucking you, fellow anon.

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>>673560582

>>673567142
Only when I am on /b/

>>673560556
im fucking dying why did you try to do a back flip??????

>Be me
>about 11 or 12
>was at the height of masturbation
>went to a play/camp church thing one summer
>fapped in the shower pretty much every day
>feltgoodman.jpg
>there's a pool party one day
>boobs, ass, and girls everywhere
>instant boner
>get a good idea
>swim to bottom of deepend, can see everything
>start to fap at the bottom of the swimming pool
>I saw it all man.
>cum at the bottom of the pool
>swim to top of water and don't get back in

I want to kill myself

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>>673567447

Yes but im just reminding you that youre all Part of this autism pool

That Makes me feel not lonely in my tummY anymore

>>673566691
Fast forward
>be me, twice the age
> discovered fapping and how much fun it is
>have strange fixation for aunt, probably because hers first boobs I remember seeing
> staying with her for a few days
> she gone, horny sets in
>find one of her bras, wrap it around dick and fap, blow load into it
>hide it behind laundry machine
>still horny, damn
> find panties, fap into those, hhnngh
> hide those in the same spot, idiot
>damn want to see boobs again now that I'm older
>find scissors, cut hole in the nipples of her pajamas thinking she won't notice
>night time comes, she's looking for pjs, hear her mutter through wall, why the hell are there holes in ma pj's, where's that one bra
> I'm the only one who's been there
>realize, I'm a pervert
> never say anything, never know if she ever found that bra and panties
She still lives there, there's probably 20 year old cum stained bra and panties behind her laundry machine

>>673565782
I kind of want to see the scars

>>673567782
you have to go back and get them anon
post pics

>>673567782
>cut holes in the pajams

Fucking brilliant!

>be in junior kindergarten
>really bloated during story time
>don't realize farting in public is frowned upon
>let the toothless one speak
>room goes quiet
>classmates stare at me
>teacher puts book down and looks shocked and appalled
>realize I did something wrong
>"excuse me"
>everyone laughs hysterically
>want to die
>later tell my mom I didn't know I wasn't meant to fart in public
>looks at me as if I'm retarded, ashamed of me

I'll never forget the teacher's face, she looked so horrified. And my mom's face, she looked like she wanted to disown her autist of a child.

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>>673567706

>boobs and ass and girls everywhere

Kek this anon usually dwells at "Parties" with "boobs and ass" but no girls then.

Im dying right now Jezus

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> 1st grade recess
> Trying to climb swing set pole
> Wtf, this feels awesome
> Crotch pressed against pole + exertion = feel good
> Climb pole over and over
> Almost cum
> Realize the teacher lady is watching me
> Abort

>be 8
>play with neighbor outside in the woods a lot
>have piss fetish, won't know what masturbation is until 19
>vent sexual needs with various piss related shenanigans

>get neighbor to pee on a tree outside when we play
>do it myself when he leaves
>pee into bottles in the shower a lot, then clean, rinse, get rid of bottles
>try to pee standing up, never good at it, just make a huge mess every time
>pissed onto a potted plant a bunch, it didn't like that
>got neighbors into it
>got scout troop into doing water sports things with me at camp

22 and I've since reigned back... I miss being a filthy little horny shithead though. Those were the days.

That's what makes me cringe.

>be me at 14
>dad asleep, scumbag older brothers sleeping downstairs
>get super stoned, decide to order pizza
>rush outside several minutes before pizza is supposed to come
>wearing boxers, running shoes and a shirt with a jacket
>also on phone with newly acquired gf
>keeping order secret, at bottom of driveway
>need to piss
>pissing
>landlord drives down driveway while I piss
>fuckfuckhide.gif
>nowhere to hide
>piss all over myself
>try to look not awkward by laughing
>piss covered laughing teenager at bottom of the driveway at midnight
>pizza man comes
>hand him 13$ in quarters
>shame eat pizza and breadsticks
>luckily gf doesn't dump me for being retarded

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gather round faggots, a story of 22 yo virgin faggot's worst fuckups with a girl

>be me, 5th grade
>puberty hasn't kicked in yet, I was a late bloomer
>still liked girls to an extent, but had no clue about sex
>decided I like this girl, let's call her Alyssa
>make funny jokes in class bc I thought girls liked funny guys
>basically become meme master of class, the class clown I guess
>one day, friend tells me alyssa likes me
>spaghetti.ogg
>"do you like her anon?"
>don't really answer
>ff a couple days
>alyssa talks to me, tells me she likes me
>don't even know what to do, just freeze like a faggot
>I had to think of something on the spot, and fast
>I guess I should just tell the truth
>"I-I don't like girls"
I wanted to say "I don't like you" but spaghetti fell hard
>"oh..."
>awkward
>everyone starts calling me gay
>didn't know what gay meant
>played along like a betafag
>found out what gay was that summer
>god fucking damnit
>ff to middle school
>still see alyssa but don't talk to her
>puberty kicked in for both of us
>regret all the way through high school
>mfw

this isn't even the worst one, kill me

>>673564771
How is anything of what he did considered "smart"?

>>673568339
>won't know what masturbation is until 19
i know you meant 9 but i kek'd hard

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>>673551949
Top fucking kek

>>673563539
topkek, what a faggot.

>See encryptions in a cave
>They told me not to read them but i was curious
>I read the encryptions out loud
>Nothing happened
>But later that day when i had the weirdest dream
>A triangle approached me
>the triangle says:HEY THERE SMART GUY WOW DONT HAVE A HEART ATTACK YOURE NOT 92 YET
>He told me e was a god choosing one great mind a century to inspire
>The fool i was tricked by his flattery in games
>When he told me building a gateway to other worlds to complete my resairch i trusted him
>He told me this was the way genius happened
>The time had come to test it
>but my assistant got a peek at his true plans
>I shut down the portal
He can still go into this world using the right techniques it still keeps me awake at night

>>673555971
>my group is 12-14 y/o girls
>5 kids run out of their bedroom area shirtless w/ shorts pulled up over their shoulders

hmmmm

>went paintballing for the first time when I was 11
>went to church the next day
>told my war stories
>"I loved getting shot at!"
>"I love to shoot people "
>nobody talks to me at church still today

>>673550569
You know what SHOULD make you want to die?

>Thinking about this makes
>me want to die
This!

Grow up, insecure man-child! Virtually everyone does something like this, Only 11-year-olds should be embarrassed by it, which means that …
> OP has the emotional intelligence of an 11-year-old.

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>>673566584
>organize an all cabin fap
what, did he hand out invitations?
>crowd grows
and you KEPT GOING?

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>>673568358
$13 in quarters

>be me, 6th grade
>complete beta
>fall "in love" with this popular girl
>this total chad likes her, though
>one day my friends tell me that chad is buying her a plastic bracelet from the book fair
>he's obviously trying to win her over
>sprint (literally sprint) to the bookfair
>he gives her the bracelet
>she's all happy about it
>i look at my friends and say "i didn't make it in time"
>literally start crying
>try to hide it, put my hoodie on and act all edgy for the rest of the day
>completely obvious

but wait there's more

>be 15 yo me
>work at a sailing club
>super shy, low self esteem and a pretty deep voice
>the club is next to the beach
>beach has a SHITLOAD of girls.
>one day I was chilling with two employees
>one of them was 24 , and the another one was 30+
>a D cup girl wanted to get my phone number.
>she found out that I was working in that sailing club
>asks the 24 yo dude to get my number
>he tells me about her , and I told him my phone number was *420911
>he got my sense of humour , and gave her a fake phone number.
>it happened some times later with other girls, I was too shy to give girls my phone number.
>I had the shittiest and cringiest summer ever.

Some cringe from last night
>go to my ex's house
>talk for an hour or two in the bed
>massage
>ask her if she wants to fuck
>nope
>go back in my car and jerk off
>cum in the mcdonalds bag from earlier
>drive back home

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>>673569021

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>>673568856

continued:
>decide i want to outdo that chad
>hatch a plan to give the girl a "real necklace" on valentines day
>romantic.gif
>february 13th
>tell my mom about it, ask her to take me to a place where i can get a necklace
>she takes me to target
>FUCKING TARGET
>go to the jewelry area, buy a 20 dollar heart necklace
>at this point i think i've won the award for most romantic gesture of all time
>the next day
>wrap the necklace up in a box
>approach the girl at the end of the day
>"oh, hi anon!"
>"h-happy valentines" is literally all i can say
>hand her the box
>she smiles, thanks me
>i walk away fist-pumping

My friends still laugh at me about this, rightfully so

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>>673562415
>8/9 years old
>bing

Hows junior year of high school treating you.. Get off my /b/ underage faggot

>>673568592
No I meant 19.

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>>673562930
>transformers: beast wars
>asks if story was from the 90s

>>673569021
What cringy things i came in

>sock of a stranger
>cushion
>hoodie hood
>Shoe
>hoodie sleeve
>the space my wardrobe and the wall because too lazy to clean up or leave it visible
>winter jackets pocket and sleeve

I might as well have just cum on the floor tbh

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>>673569419

last part:
>a couple months later
>it's go time
>message her on facebook, "hey do you want to go out sometime?"
>she doesn't reply
>i assume she just didn't see it
>copy and paste the same message multiple times
>she never replies
>she never did

>a week later i ask her to slow dance with me at a school dance
>"yeah, hold on, let me find my friends first, just wait here"
>i wait for half an hour
>she never comes back
>stay there

why am i such a fucking idiot

>>673570118
I cum on the floor all the time.. when I jerk off at my job

>>673570118
I started cumming on the floor.

I kid you now, it gives it the nice shine.

>Be 15
>talking to crush at picnic table across her
>take a swig of water and sneeze
>she gets sprayed with snot/water
>hasn't talked to me since

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>>673569734

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>be me
>have to pee hella bad
>ask teacher
>bitch says no
>waddle back over to chair
>couldn't hold it
>wobble onto floor
>vainly tries to hold in
> pee on floor
>friend comes over and ask whats surrounding me
>keep telling her it's water
>bitch wont stop asking
>scream at her to go away
>eventually get up and wade out of urine
>nobody knew it was me
> mfw pic related

>>673569842
Maybe he thought he meant by beastwars acting like an animal

I thought the poster was russian trying to explain himself

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>>673570234
actual last part:
>a year later
>in gym class with my friends
>we're sitting against the wall waiting for class to start
>girl walks up to me
>"hey i found this in the back of my locker, is this the one you gave to me?"
>it's the shitty 20 dollar necklace i got her at target
>don't say anything
>my friend says "yes, that's the one he gave to you"
>"does anon want it back?" she asks
>don't say anything
>friend says "you keep it"
>she walks away
>bury my head in my hands and cry
>resent her for a year until i realized how pathetic i was

>>673569631
oooo someone got busted

>10 years old just learned to masturbate but i didn’t know that you should keep it sectred
>i have gym class and we have to shower when we are done with all the other boys I explain them what a boner was and they are all surprised
>i show them what a boner is
>they start rubbing their dicks till they are hard
>15 ten year olds are all masturbating together
Fast forward 10 years meet up with a few guys from school
>someone brings the shower in incident up
>we all cringe up into little balls
>we never talked again

>be 12
>mom away for weekend on business trip
>just got dialup internet
>ohboy.jpg
>spend friday afternoon beating my dick furiously
>mid fap hear garage door open
>oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck who is this
>try to jump down under desk to hit power strip switch and turn off computer
>hit head on desk and fall backward out of chair
>mom opens up door and finds me crumpled on the floor with gangbang porn on the screen and used tissues everywhere
>her flight was cancelled

>>673570637
oh boy

>be 7 y/o me
>for some unknown reason I like to show my asshole to friends
>didn't know how to wipe my ass at the time
>sleepover in a friend's house
>gotta poop
>take a really big shit, then pulled my pants
>Go to my friend and show my asshole
>"Is my ass covered in shit?"
>Friend responses with a terrified "yes"
>proceed to play like nothing happened

>Be 12
>Don't really understand masturbation
>Watching Sailor Moon
>Older bro is cookin' in kitchen
>Tuxedo Mask
>this makesmemoist.jpeg
>Sit on hand
>Grind
>Don't understand why, just keep doing it
>Bro comes in
>I freeze
>"Hey anon, whaddya want with this chicken"
>"uh idk broccoli i guess"
>"Okay"
>He leaves
>I go back to Tuxedo Mask and grinding

looking back...wow, i was an idiot.

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>>673570370
Kek

>"wow anon your floor is so shiny and silky smooth here what product are u using i want to recommend this to my mom"

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My current gf says she was an autist when she was younger. Has a few cringey stories she's shared with me

> gf 13 years old in 7 or 8th grade
> all other girls wear bras
> gf too awkward to ask mum to purchase bra
> instead opts for shirts that have pictures covering her nipples
> ie pokemon shirt with characters shielding her nipples

I asked her why she didn't just buy dark coloured shirts or sweaters - she just says "no idea, I was a bit autistic"

> gf's mum finally got her a bra
> grey thing with frills for straps and all along the edges
> other girls laughed at it
> told them it was a really expensive sports bra and the frills were just super thin yet supportive straps
> would announce it every gym class

Pic related. Gf finally managed to figure out lingerie. Still has occasional autist moments but she's hot so whatever.

I have a couple

>be 14
>in catering class, researching shit
>sitting next to qt 3.14
>start sneak fapping next to qt
>realise nowhere to cum, so bust load into my pants
>30+ people in that class
>someone must have noticed

>be 15
>fap into mother's panties
>steal many of them and hide in drawer
>come home from school one day
>go to bottom of my drawers to get panties
>they're fucking gone

I still cringe at that sometimes.

>be 11
>tell 6 y/o sis to close her eyes
>tell her I have a magic trick
>whip my dick out and make her jerk it
>while she jerks me I try to think of the trick
>cum on little sis, but couldn't even think of trick
>tell her I'm sorry and maybe it will work next time

>>673570850
fucking idiot(s)

I probably knew about masturbation since I was, I don't know, 6. Fro mthe very start I knew it was something "sectred".

I had things going form me - I don't know why I'm here.

>be me about 10
>friend at school tells me about masturbation
>go home and watch some videos
>see one where a woman puts her cunt under a bath faucet
>put two and two together
>go draw myself a masturbath
>put my tiny asshole under the faucet
>someone flushes a toilet
>scolding hot water rushes over my balls and ass

>be me
>7 year old
>discover masturbation
>have tangled hair
>mom naturally buys detangleing spray
>unscrew bottle and see prepubescent penis sized hole
>squeeze air out for suction
>feelsgoodman.jpg
>spend hours in bathroom
>goes on for weeks
>mom gets concerned
>one day I squeeze to much air out
>mom asks if I'm OK
>say just a minute
>see lock turning
>ohshit.no
>pull bottle off as fast as I can
>mom comes in and see nothing
>thank Jesus
>she leaves, look and see lil anon is bleeding
>feelsbadman.jpg
>took weeks to heal
Cont?

>be me 10th grade in 9th grade math cause fuck numbers and shit
> have bone and it's out of control so open pants and let the beast out
>teacher notices me playing with it
>says omg go to the principles office*inserts anon name*
>teacher is blushing
>nice cock ftw

>Be 14, go to new school for high school
>I wanted to make a video go viral and be internet famous
>Film myself stripping to my underwear while listening to black eyed peas, my humps
>Send it to a couple people from school
>Realise what I did was really fucking weird
>They show the video to their friends and it spreads
>I took it down after like 300 views, most probably from my school
>Somebody had recorded his screen with a digital camera and uploaded shitty shaky cam version
>Be bullied relentlessly for the entire year
>Change high schools

>>673571072
who the fuck asks these kinds of a question.

a mexican autist?

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>>673570485
Holy shit that just reminded me of a story from high school
>first year in high school
>really awkward girl speaks in front of the class
>suddenly stops talking
>"OOPS I spilled my water bottle"
>I see some liquid coming from the side of the desk she was behind
>teacher was like "we'll clean that up later"
>So she kept talking
I dont remember the rest but only a few days later my friends told me she pee herself and I didnt even notice

>>673571073
Cool story. Tell it again

>>673561799
top fucking kek was her name abby? heard a story like that recently
>New Mexifag

>>673566622
Underage faggot

>>673571073
More?

>>673571175
That's kinda hot tbh. Well, the first one is. The other two are kinda...

>>673555000
The living legend, the champion of champions

>>673566622
I'm sorry, only trips protect for underage faggotry.

I'm really sorry.

>>673571651
...not.

>>673562415
>8 years old
>Pornhub, which means you are at best 18 (and surely not). Wp dummy.

>>673563539
That's how you get rid of bullies, anon, ya turn 'em queer.

>be freshman in HS
>develop massive crush on this girl who lives down the street from me
>we go to the same bus stop
>finally work up the courage/figure out how i'm gonna ask her out
>decide to write her a poem
>its basically half cringey angsty teenage gushy shit, half Breaking Benjamin lyrics
>decide to give it to her on my birthday because "lol she'll say yes and itll be the best birthday ever"
>give her the poem in the hallway
>like_a_boss.mp3
>on the walk home from the bus stop catch up to her and ask her what she thought about the poem
>"i think we should just be friends"
>never says a word to me again
>go home and cry like a little girl kinda
>overhear mom complaining about how she thinks I'm not gonna want to go to the bus stop anymore
>best
>birthday
>ever

the bus stop didn't end up being a problem, managed to get over the rejection relatively quickly and was fine the next day, though I always caught her and her cunt twin sister and their cunt friends looking at me out of my peripherals, or overheard them talking about me on the bus. On the bright side though I was able to parlay that story of shit tier poetry and rejection into a couple other short term HS relationships

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>>673568481
>this isn't even the worst one

>>673558466
>faithful day
>>>FAITHFUL

>>673565150
Wut

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>>673564575
>I'll just shit myself, what could go wrong?
Top fucking kek m8.

>>673562958
Top kek

Threw away my entire first line of Bionicles when I was 14, the -very- first ones, y'know, Tahu, Gali, Lewa etc. They're worth a fair bit now. :'(

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>be 8yo me
>play "zoo" with some friends about the same age
>some pretend to be animals and some are zookeepers
>pretend to be lioness for whatever fucking reason
>friend pretends to be lion
>he starts dry-humping me because mating is realistic and stuff
>play along
>other friends laugh first but also think it's realistic
>we continue to eat fucking cookies as if nothing happened
>everyone could watch because we played outside in the garden
>the cringe still feels like a disturbance in the force

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New Cum tribute thread

Post your pics to get cummed on.

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>>673562415
>8/9 years old
>searching on Bing
>mfw Bing started in 2009
>mfw Anon must be like 15 years old

>>673572254
yeah.

At least I actually fucked a girl at the summer camp. So, yeah.

>>673560324
>>Never allowed to watch spiderman again and all my toys taken away

oh my god so much lol

>>673572468
you're a retard, anon go kill yourself

>>673572611
>wew ur so ret4rded u may have don an acident

>>673562415


>>673572479
>>673569631
>>673571851

color me surprised, I didn't find it suspicious.

>>673551046
So much Spaghetti.

>>673571842
This is for cringe. If you want hot stories make a new thread. And I definitely have some cringey stories to tell. Weirdly, most involve my dick.

>be 12/13
>with friend who I now realise is a faggot
>in woods
>he spots tree with vagina shape
>tells me to fuck the tree
>horny so whynot.mp6
>rub dick on tree

Thinking about it, they all involve my dick..

>be 12/13 again
>steal porno mags from shop by hiding under shirt
>can't take them home or my parents will find them
>find quiet place behind someone's back yard
>proceed to jerk to dem tiddies
>old lady walks by just before I cum and says "dirty dirty boy" in a disgusted voice

>>673553140
walter?