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ITT: feels >be me >be in abandoned water park >there
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The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
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ITT: feels
>be me
>be in abandoned water park
>there is dirty water i all park
>i see a pool with blue, beautiful clean water
>there are old friends from high school
im 18 btw
>i see my ex girlfriend
>i enter the pool
>i kiss her
>i have fun
>i enjoy life
>wake up 3 a.m
>realize i have not spoken to another human being in almost three months
>cry
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>>691214433
Bump
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>>691214794
bump
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Fuck it here's some life from the other side stories
>be me 11
>ADHD, Spergy, and ocd
>In and out of schools for getting in fights
>By 5th grade I had been in 12 schools
>Went to same school for 2 years
> Got placed in tard room after beating some kid up
>Always made fun of for my constant hand washing and lack of social skills
>This room was in the middle of the 8th grade hall
>Big, windowed and crowded with kids who were way more retarded than me.
>past the 8th grade hall was the 5th grade classrooms
>each day the "normies" would pass me and call me a tard, sped, or my own OCD fueled nickname soap
>after the bell rung the teachers would sit us down for mock therapy
>They took their problems out on us and then flat out called us hopeless
>if the kids were bad the teachers were way worse
Cont?
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>>691215435
Cont
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>>691215967
Bump
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>>691214794
I love my fucking cat.
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>>691215967
Ok not pre typed but here goes
>the teacher would sit us down in a circle
>initially he started by saying how messed up his life was
>Then would encourage us to speak up, his main target was the spergy kid with anxiety.
>He would always go
>he always looked scared
>it was mostly about how his dad used to touch him
>most of it went way over everyone else's head
>I always got sad from what he said
>this bastard of a teacher would always comfort him
>later that day I'd be working on homework in the sped room
>and the teachers mind you the most trusted individual in a child's life
>Made fun of him, I'll never forget what he said to teachers aid "if he didn't like it he should have called the cops"
>But the man was to damn smart he hid his trails in the absurdity of what he said
>Some of the most despicable things that you'd expect from 11 year olds
>My parents wouldn't believe me they always said 'he's just trying to help'
>If I did anything myself, he'd alter my grades or get me detention.
Cont?
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>>691217314
cont
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>>691216776
bump
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>>691217919
bump
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>>691218723
bump
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>>691219397
bump
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>>691217682
Alright
>This went on for some time
>After he went after Aaron
>Aaron was incredibly autistic, mentally retarded, and had some online tendencies.
>Aaron posted nudes on Facebook, under fake names each always had the last name "Kane"
>to this day I have no idea how he found his Facebook profile
>But Aaron was inside sped skills
>it was a class period where we went over the social studies classes we weren't allowed to go to
>we were learning about William Wallace
> the teacher turns to Aaron and says "do you think his birth name was William Kane"
>Aaron turned bright red and ran out of the classroom
>no one tried to stop him, or help him.
>the next day the entire hall is is closed off police are talking to Aaron
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>>691219895
bump
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“There is an old legend that king Midas for a long time hunted the wise Silenus, the companion of Dionysus, in the forests, without catching him. When Silenus finally fell into the king’s hands, the king asked what was the best thing for all for men; the very finest man could want. The daemon remained silent, motionless and inflexible, until, compelled by the king, he finally broke out into shrill laughter
and said these words, “Suffering creature, born for a day, child of accident and toil, why are you
forcing me to say what would give you the greatest pleasure not to hear? The very best thing for you is totally unreachable: it is not to have been born, not to exist, to be nothing. The second best thing for you, however, is this—to die soon.
>>
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>>691220861
bump
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>>691219895
lol this story sucks faggot
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>>691220505
Every night
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>>691221044
bumpe
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>>691221230
Yeah it may, but the fact is its one of the most emotional parts of my life. Anyway.
>I asked the teachers AIDS what was going on
>got some bullshit response about school safety
>Aaron cried in the rooms corner for most of the day
>all the while the teachers yelling about how he made a stupid decision
>they never once tried to understand why he did it, or help him stop. They just yelled at him.
>Aaron didn't come to school for 3 weeks, I had a bad feeling after 4 days, Aaron had overdosed on his moms painkillers.
>next day the teacher comes in and is bullshitting to every teacher and their sister about how sad he is.
>there was nothing I could do, no way to convince them.
>no way to expose what he had done, they blamed his mental illness in the end, but back in the classroom.
> he made jokes about his death another thing I'll never forget was him saying "when you misread viagra"
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>>691221491
damn well now I feel bad for calling you a faggot. I hope things get better man. OD hit close to home. heroin addict here, lost a lot of friends that way
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>>691214433
get out there and find people to talk to, anon. you can do it. you don't have to be alone if you don't want to be.
>>
Enjoy, everyone
http://www.ibtimes.com/road-rio-police-sweep-away-street-children-ahead-brazil-olympics-2353865
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>>691221491
keep going.
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>>691222077
really man? thats sucks
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>>691214433
dude i had a similar dream two days ago. I think i can remember most of it, if people want me to share
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>>691222921
ya. tough being an addict. don't make bad choices kids lol lucky I don't have Hep C or anything. Also lucky I'm functional and don't look like shit. Most of my junkie friends are either homeless or their skin is all fucked up.
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>>691222077
I'm sorry to hear that, I may not be the best story teller, but I hope you got the help you needed.

>next was the down syndrome girl, Caroline
>Caroline was odd like most Down syndrome people, she always carried around a Dora stuffed animal.
>as such he would always make fun of her for it.
>whenever she was around he would try his best to fuck with her, hide her Dora toy when she wasn't looking
>or better yet hide the crayons she was obsessed
>every time she lost something she would cry
> so he would always go up to her with that same Snyder voice
> and say "what's the matter" we had all seen what he had done but we our grades would get hurt if we did anything
>each time she would look up and say whatever was missing
>each time he would laugh at her, and after breaking some pens or putting gum on her stuffed animal
>he would put it under her seat, and she would never know.
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>>691223818
don't really want help lol even tho it kinda sucks I mean I'm happy most of the time which is more than a lot of people can say. thanks tho
>>
>>691223818
Well, I'm done for tonight I might add onto what happened later
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>>691223818
at least tell us this guy got his in the end.
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>>691222467
I want to be, i hate all the bullshit of the people, but it just sometimes hurts thats all
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>>691224713
The guy never got arrested, though he's banned from teaching for the rest of his life.
Life isn't fair is the takeaway
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>>691225063
Dispense a little Wasteland Justice on his ass.
>>
i came to 4chan today to laugh not to feel but damn
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>>691225468
I've always known where he lived his home phone ETC but I never want to even go near him again, or even think about it, the thing is if I did something to a man this cunning, I would be jailed. There's no bonus to it for me or anyone.
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>>691214794
Fuck that made me cry a little
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>>691217919
That poor, poor man. I can't imagine the pain.
>>
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I made this a few days ago. It's from the deadpool movie and it hit me because I got dumped by the one person I've loved. I'm kinda dine now, on meds and trying to take every day as it comes
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>>691226421
kinda fine*
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Hey guys... I'll tell my story I guess... I'm 18, I live in a suburb in Michigan, I'm going to an engineering school this fall. It's far away I won't be visiting home very often which is good and bad. I'll be away from my parents who are a very big source of stress in my life and I'll also be forced to become independent, kind of sink or swim. It'll be good for me. I'll also have to say goodbye to my girlfriend though who is the only person I have. I'm not good at making friends and I don't really have any right now. I don't wanna be alone... I've been in therapy and on meds for a while. I think I'm gonna kill myself before the end of summer. I'very been working on my will. Anyway sorry for rambling I'm bad about that.
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>>691222077
>>691221230
Don't speak without thinking, and do unto others as you would have done unto you.
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>>691217919
Sorry Anons, its fake. Check the dates. But if even any of this is true, this woman is the most heartless person alive.
>>
>>691226421
I like your OC, saved. What meds are you on and what for?
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>>691227293
the scanlines hurt my eyes, maybe make them a bit more opaque?
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>>691221356
The last line got me
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>>691226758
nah man don't. Look, you're moving off to college, even if you don't know how to make friends now, you will find people at your college that truly want to be your friends, trust me. You're never gonna be alone either, this might sound like faggot shit, but we're here for you too. Until you make real irl friends at your college we're here to cheer you on and talk to you. Don't kill yourself over something you can change. If you want to not be alone, then YOU have to be the change. Learn how to make friends, ask for advice online if you can't find anyone to ask irl. Just don't kill yourself, I mean it.
>>
I was almost happy bros. She was almost mine. But that psycho fuck had to take it all away.
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>>691226011
Have you ever asked if he regretted it?
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>>691227709
I've been on sleeping meds for over a year, started out with circadin but now I take straight melatonin. About two months ago I started taking fluoxetine and it kind of helps but I still have "episodes" ranging from one hour to a whole day where I just feel like shit and nothing really seems worth it. I also started drinking alcohol a small while ago and I feel happier when I'm drunk, I'm a nicer person too
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>>691228570
Oh and the fluoxetine is an SSRI and it's to help me with my depression
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>>691228130
story?
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>>691227965
Thanks anon. [spoiler]I cried a little bit [/spoiler] It's just not that easy to make friends, especially really good ones. I look at the kind of friendships some people have, really strong, happy relationships, where they can hang out all the time, tell each other anything. I want that so badly. I have a girlfriend and I have [spoiler]you guys I guess[/spoiler] but it doesn't fill that gap, nothing can. It's not really why I want to die anyway
>>
>>691228570
That's pretty much me, but i have episodes way more often (maybe 4 a day) but I don't even take meds. Should I see someone?
>>
>>691228570
Do you have any predisposition to alcoholism like a family history or an addictive personality?
>>
Anybody here cut? Sometimes threads for that pop up but they just get bombarded with "kys emo faggots "
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>>691229288
It's really worth it to see someone. Even just talking can help and if you really need it meds are good. Go see someone /b/ro
>>691229334
My dad did a lot of drugs and partied a lot when I was younger but other than that no, I don't think so at least. As for the addictive personality nah, I just don't like being sober and alcohol is legal and easier to get than weed
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>>691229776
Nah and I'll never do it, but I do scratch and bite my knuckles when I'm under a lot of stress or feeling really down so I can kind of relate
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>>691229776
yes...
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>>691229101

Long story short hot billionaire (Yes really) girl was in love with me and her psycho ex threatened me in various ways such as planting CP on my computer (Which he has done before to other people) if I got with her she ended up getting back with him and now I'm more bitter angry and miserable than ever before.

Don't give me any bullshit what is the least painful way to off myself I know there is no painless way but I can stand a little pain to make myself end.

I loved her and I saved her life. I just want one break I'm tired of being messed around.
>>
>>691230106
Haha yeah my knuckles are real fucked up
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>>691230230
Helium, CPAP tubing, and a mask. Maybe 80 bucks including tax and shipping on amazon. Almost completely painless as your body doesn't know the difference between helium and oxygen. I'm here if you want to talk though. Suicide is always the very, VERY last resort
>>
I just want to let it out that tonight is my highschool's prom, and I feel like the only person at my school who didn't go. All my friends went, and when I talked to them I was all "oh yea, you'll have so much fun", but I actually was really sad on the inside. Maybe I should have gone, but I didn't have a gf to go with and I've had enough experiences in life and read stories on here about being that one loser who everyone laughs at that I just said fuckit.

Please, tell me I'm normal
>>
>>691230155
Why do you do it? I'm at the point where I sometimes regret it and see how stupid it is but I'm still liable to relapse. I have visible scars and I hate it
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>>691230230
>>691230575
I can relate to you, too. Girl fell in love with me. My first and last love. We were perfect together. She played me though. Like a puppet. I still miss her. It's just easier to love someone who hurts you and hope they mean well than to accept that you'll be alone forever, that any love someone said they had for you was feigned.
>>
>>691230778
One site among people who would have gone only to be laughed at and later regret it, no you're not normal
>>
>>691231058
On a*
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>>691231058
Well shit
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>>691231032
see
>>691218723
>>
>>691230575
>>691231032

I just thought I was finally getting my break I'm so tired of people fucking me over and pushing me away I didn't know how much I cared about her til that fuck ruined it. Funny thing is I don't even give a fuck about her money which sounds like bullshit but she's just really nice and funny and that's what matters to me.

Thanks for listening and posting a way out
>>
>>691230788
I hate it. I try to hide it. I can't find any release. It's all I have. Im lucky I'm too naive and hopeful to actually kill myself.
>>
>>691231189
You were smart though
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>>691231283
If you're willing to go so far as to actually kill yourself, buy a gun and kill him first. If you're going to leave the world, leave a scar on it, too....
>>
>>691230230
This dude is dating Paris hilton
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>>691231560

UK fag here no guns
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>>691231725
Oh. A knife maybe?
You get the idea
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>>691231287
How old are you
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>>691231283
Well if you're actually going to do it then at least make it your finale contribution to the world and live stream it.
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>>691232057
Guess. Why, is my complete lack of fucks to give and remaining booze some kind of 12 year old red flag
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>>691232267

Fuck you
>>
i'm a sociopath.
>almost all of my friends have genuine problems with depression.
>i'm just in the background after everyone starts calling me an asshole for not really caring.
>they leave me, and never talk to me again
>one day later
"What in the actual fuck just happened."
>>
>>691219397
OMG FUCK YOU. Seriously fuck you. I didn't need to see that.
>>
>>691232425
It wasn't meant to be rude man, if you are going to an hero then let us watch. Give something back while ending your pain by giving some of us a smile.
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>>691232328
I'm just asking
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>>691232541
we all are here to feel anon, tell us your story
>>
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>>691230788
tbh, I do it so I can feel something again, I've been lost in sorrow since the two best things in my live had to leave, I know happiness doesn't last forever and things fall through but it still hurts so much, so I use cutting myself as a form of release, releasing all the pint up sadness, angry, fear, depression, and I get a little joy getting that out, I know it's stupid, I know I'm a loser but it helps get me through the day, I can't express my emotions anymore, I really feel dead on the inside, so alcohol, sad songs and cutting are my out from reality, even if it's only for a brief moment, alcohol and music allow me to relive those happy memories when they were here and cutting lets me release all the pint up pain of losing them, without it I'm just numb to life. I still wish I could tell them how much I love them, no matter where live takes them.
>>
>>691232976
20. Not gone off to college yet. Probably wont.
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>>691230778
Goddamn bro, I couldn't afford to go to prom cause I was poor and had no friends.

>few weeks prior to prom
>everyone riled up for prom night
>making plans to rent limo and show up in groups as couples
>keep overhearing convos of people about having after parties and how crazy shit was gonna be
>no one ever talked to me or invited me, shit how could they? They didn't even know me
>even if they did, no money for such things
>no friends since all of them dropped out by the beginning of senior year
>parents going through hardship to put food on table, can't be selfish about this but the knew that prom night was coming
>history teacher who took a liking to me since I was the only one who gave a fuck about history and constantly wrecked the curve for the whole class
>"anon, are you going to prom"
>shake my head no
>"why?"
>explain
>"oh, I see"
>she offers to rent me a tux, tear up and thank her but tell her I have no money for shoes and other expenses
>tell her I have no friends left over anyways, completly alone on my last year of HS
>no gf also, wasn't going to go to a party to stand in a room full of people enjoying each others company and me being miserable in a corner

Sometimes life is not fair, sure made me though end the fuck up. Now I'm financially stable with a good job and good pay. Can't helps to think what prom was like, I wish I could go back and give that kid a good prom night, even if he was going to just stand In a corner for the whole event.
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>>691233935
Damn
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>>691214433
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>>691229776
yuppers, not an emo faggot though.
clinical bipolar motherfucking depression. tried to kill myself twice when i was 15,, i could tell the story
>>
> be me
> be 23
> living at parents house again because I was kicked out of my place, lost my job, and my fiance left me all at the same time
> want to get out and talk to girls and find someone new
> has no money and is painfully awkward
> just sleeps most of my day since I feel like I have no hope of getting better
>>
>>691234119
Fuck man I'm sorry anon. I guess I'm not counting my blessings enough. Hope you have a good one
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>>691230778
I didn't get to go to any prom. I switched schools during the last year and I missed out. I'll never slowly dance with someone while feeling like that moment is going to last forever, I'll never find pure love. But that's okay, I got a few friends and you guys
>>
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How to get some rage out.
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>>691234678
tell us
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I used to be such a happy kid. I had lots of friends. Every day was a new adventure. Every day there was something to look forward too.

I want those days back.
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>>691231560
>If you're going to leave the world, leave a scar on it, too....
If he kills himself that's what he's doing...
>>
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>>691233935
I never understood this gif until my world came crashing down and I realized that I probably would never seen them again,
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>>691235230
I like it because it's relatable. I've even thought about going out just like that
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>>691235466
>I may have fucked up but we both did
I honestly hate it when people fucking try to implicate you in shit that's their fault. Why can't they just admit they did something wrong
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What are you all having for breakfast? Pic related, it's what I take every day
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>>691234972
okay, but not pretyped

>be me
>15, but problems stem from young trauma.
>mom was drug addict when i was around 5th grade and blamed myself
>2 older brothers
>moms abusive bf
>Lets call him big brandon
>brothers are julien and little brandon
> big b hits my mom
> julien punches him
>i cry
>mom chose big b over my brothers and i
> lost our shitty house
>move in with old grandparents
>mom still drug addict
>now is 6th grade
> better district, not as many niggers/ ghetto fucks
>grandpa isnt some old fuck, he is physically capable and has a short fuse
>become known as some troublemaking fuck because i wanted attention that i never got @ home due to being a failure, and julien being a fucking genius
>write nigger on a desk in school
>get the shit kicked out of me by grandpa
>every time he thinlks about it he hits me
>ff next 3 years
>constantly told that i am like my father
my father was imprisoned when i was 6 for rape, and he was a drug addict before that
>mom attended rehab and fell into depression and drug use again
>she is kicked out
> go with her
>another shitty district
>long story short, i find her drugs and needles, destroy them, and tell her that i need her, and to choose betwen me and the drugs
she chose drugs
cont?
>>
>>691214433
Ouch...... I've had a couple of those
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>>691236088
why the fuck do you eat mints for breakfast
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>>691214794
Buy 2nd cat you crying asshole.
>>
I know that fucking cunt is gonna give me shit for not doing the temp charts. She isn't even the boss, and nobody pulls weight like I do. She'll probably smugly hand me the probe so I can do it in the morning. If she does I'll make sure to take the time to take each temperature properly, and perform corrective actions on each and every item that isn't between 33 and 41.

I've been there 3 fucking years and the place was a pigsty when I started. Now everyone loves how clean it is and talks about "our high standards here", and they all know I'm the one that got it to that level of cleanliness. Bitches like Denise think I work my ass off because I'm worried about being bitched at. No, it's because I was raised by a fucking drill sergeant and I was taught work ethic. I don't care about being bitched at, none of them can dish it out like I can take it. I just wish I had the balls to tell her how much of a lazy slob she is.

3 fucking years of picking up slack and pulling weight in a busy little convenience store Subway. I was in a shitty place when I started, but I've gotten clean and I'm doing a lot better now. Assistant manager position just opened up and I probably won't get it. So I'm going to have to quit there with nothing much to show for my hard work, just the satisfaction of seeing the place become a pigsty again after I leave. Boss at my other job wants me to go full time there, since he heard I was going for AM at Subway, he wants me to go full time there and work towards managing the place and quit Subway. Feel a little defeated, but I need management experience one way or another.
>>
>>691236384
cont plz
>>
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>>691236564
I'm eating antidepressants and allergy medicine for breakfast
>>
>dream I'm lost in my hometown and it becomes a nightmare
>I'm in the back of an SUV with a cute girl next to me
>She rests her head on my shoulder and I begin to cry in the dream
>Wake up, consider suicide again
>>
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>>691237023
do anti depressants actually work? how would you compare your life while being on them to being off them?
>>
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>>691236733
Regardless of job, work ethic is one thing I respect a lot, Godspeed your magnificent bastard, hard work pays even if you have to quit a job to be discovered by another.
>>
>>691237648
Thanks

I just hope I can go in tomorrow with a decent attitude and keep it. We'll have to survive eachother for 3 hours before she leaves. Also tomorrow will probably be the day I give notice. Feels surreal man.
>>
>>691237512
They work for me. I can handle being social and hanging out a lot more than before. I actually feel lonely sometimes which is something I never used to experience before. Basically I'm more normal
>>
>>691236925
okay
>go to school next day and tell my intervention teacher about parents, cant tell her verbally, so i type it out and give it to her
>she cries when she reads it
>move back in with grandparents
> now is 8th grade
>throughout this whole time i have been wrestling, so im not fat or anything
>make friends in rich school district even though im poor
>not by any means popular
>make friends with stoners
>not really friends but closest i had in a long time at that point
>bad at school
>dissapoint grandparents
>dad continues comms and attempts manipulation
>at this point i know what a piece of shit he is
basically spend middle school days playing pokemon under the bleachers type shit, even though i was a wrestler, still got bullied and shit
>freshman year
>want to reinvent myself
>take an honors class
>meet anna
>thought she was cool and hot
>i join rotc
throughout the year i manage to have anna hate me, but i have also been in choir since 7th grade, so i fit in there
>want to be a pilot
>quit wrestling
>dissapoint family again
frshman --> soph summer
>attend ROTC camp
>meet a girl, lets call her liz

cont?
>>
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>>691238189
Cont
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>>691232459
I had this problem too.
I just made up some bullshit problems to make them think their problems were nothing.
I remember I said that my friend committed suicide in front of me, which got my friends off of my ass for some time.
>>
>>691238189
Idk about anybody else, but I'm reading this. cont please
>>
Goodnight everyone
>>
>>691238189
Go on
>>
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have a minor fresh feel from today at work

>Be me 21
>work at a liquor store
>got out of a serious relationship 1.6 years ago
>i was serious about her but she was not about me
>left me for a guy 11 years older than her
>her 19
>him 30
>4 year relationship thrown away
>fast forward 1.6 years
>pretty much over her, dont even think about every day now
>randomly wake up and remember her
>think about her briefly while stocking the walk in
>feelssomber.jpeg
>what ever that is old history
>suddenly out of no where Sherry by the 4 seasons comes on the radio
>literally a song where they say my exs name over and over
>fuck i was not prepared
>fast walk to the bathroom after trying to endure
>just sit there in the dark with my head in my hands
well whatever im drinking it away well enough

anyone else know that pain?
>>
>>691238812
night annon
>>
>>691238812
'night anon
>>
I've had it. I fold.
If anyone's willing to give me 100 dollars to pay for it, I'll gladly helium tank my way straight off this fucking hellhole. I'll see you all in whatever lies beyond.
>>
>>691238567
>liz likes me
>sparks relatiomnship
>she has cut in the past, and is emo as fuck, looking back idk how i didnt see it
>all summer we play minecraft together while skyping, and i am introduced to her little group
> we all play mc together like the 15 yr old faggots we are
>i am 1 year older than her, (1 grade ahead as well)
>relationship becomes self destructive
>use knife that was bought for my rotc camp in daily life

enter manic depression
>wake up one night from nightmare
>crushing weight on my chest
>feel my throat swell
> feel abandoned
> dont know why, bc i should feel fine
>think its normal, and go back to sleep
>after months, the relationship was too stale for liz,
>i should add that she is one of the pansexual demiqueer genderfluid fucks, but she was the only one to love me so i put up with it
>she stops talking to me on a daily basis

cont
>>
>>691239299
honestly id pick nitrous oxide over helium dude, thats exactly how i plan on going out eventually, you go out happy
>>
>>691239342
Continue bro, get to the feels part :^]
>>
>>691239342
Continue bro, get to the feels part :^0
>>
>had best friend
>developed feelings for best friend
>decided friendship was more important and didn't want to loose them
>liked another person so I decided to give it a shot
>tell best friend about relationship
>best friend tells me they had feelings for me all along as well
>best friend stops talking to me
>regret my whole fucking life, now
I'm stuck with this other person who is deeply in love with me while I think of what could've been with best friend
>kill me
>>
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>>691239342
your such a fucking nigger, YES CONT
>>
>>691239883
You dodged a fucking bullet imo. If best friend got pissed over you being in a relationship rather than just waiting to see what may come, they're fucking bad. I know it hurts now but I'm sure it'll be better later.
>>
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>>691239342
>i feel the spark grow weak and know
>i am on a steep decline
stay up one night and stare at my knife, and put it to my wrist
>just hold it there and look at it
>i begin to do this alot, and dont tell anyone
fast forward a month
>have been cutting my wrists, and legs, and knuckles, as well
>liz finds out and uses this as an excuse to leave me
>tells her friends i tried to rape her
>calls me my dads name
>go home
>skype her
>say goodbye
>take every fucking pill in my moms old cocktail ( found in a box of her shit in my closet, when she first moved here)
>wake up in ambulance
>some fuck is pounding my chest
>>
>>691240053
It's been a year, I still think about them everyday. I go back and lurk their Instagram and see if they're talking to other people. Are they more fun than me? Do you find them more attractive? Do you also think about me? I'm sorry.
>>
Don't be afraid to be weak. Don't be too proud to be strong. That's not the beginning of the end, that's the return to yourself; the return to innocence.
>>
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>>691240448
but why does it still hurt after such a long time
>>
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>>691240589
Because you keep reminding yourself
>>
>>691240184
>summer has ended by now, and is end of first semester
>i missed 2 weeks of school
>nobody knew
>people assumed i was dead
>people moved on
>when i come back, i am greeted with awkward silence
>i learn that liz has told everyone, and somehow people kknow
>have a friend from freshman science named renee
>i return and she has sent me flowers
>cry myself to sleep while holding them
>why would someone care

fast forward a month
>back into regular manic depressive state for weeks at a time
>school counsellor sees my cuts
>sends me to a treatment place for 2 weeks
this one was different, because i could go home
>>
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ltun92DfnPY
>>
>>691241038
>meet people
>feel less alone
>start on prozac
>mom is back from drugs
>things looking up
>get invited to bonfire
> renees house
>stay there super late, almost last to leave
> renee falls, and i pick her up off of the ground in my arms
>she is blushing as fuck
>fast forward 8 months we are still dating

mfw stopped cutting
mfw things got better
mfw am 18>
mfw ill b b& for this

it gets better
seek help
>>
>>691214794
Man, domestic cats are happy. Most of them live like lords compared to other animals like cows, pigs and such
>>
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Gonna bump
>>
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>>691216606
I have her, I'm just too stupid to realize that I don't deserve her.
>>
>>691241047
this nigger had it easy
>>
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>>691241586
Nah man. Enjoy it while it lasts, and hopefully it will never end.
>>
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-diB65scQU
>>
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I'm actually feeling this one today. Haven't left my bed in over 24 hours.
>>
Procedamus in pace
In nomine Christi, Amen
Dis-moi qu'est-ce que tu vas chercher?
le Bien par le Mal?
Dit moi pourquoi l'evangile du Mal?
Quelle est ta religion?
Si tu es contre Dieu, tu es contre l'Homme.
Dit moi pourquoi le sang pour le plaisir?
Es-tu diabolique ou divin?
Dis moi.
>>
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>>691242397
Finally, a use for learning french for 8 years in school
>>
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I'm so tired of being here. And if you have to leave I wish that you would just leave. Because your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone. These wounds won't seem to heal. This pain is just too real. There's just too much that time cannot erase.

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears. And I held your hand through all of these years. Now I'm bound by the life you left behind. Your face—it haunts my once pleasant dreams. Your voice—it chased away all the sanity in me. You still have all of me.

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone, but though you're still with me I've been alone all along.
>>
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>>691243016
cant tell if edgelord or evanessence fan
>>
Leave the past behind, just walk away.
It's over when the cracks begin to show.
And the cracks begin to show.
>>
>>691241763
Start of this song has that sample from ur pic:
https://soundcloud.com/misogi/exordium
>>
I'd like to share a story I've had for a while. Time to get it off my chest.

>Be me, senior in highschool, 17
>Don’t have a lot of friends but have a couple good ones, not an outcast or anything
>Do well in classes, mostly A’s and A-‘s, take a few AP courses but nothing special
>School has a tradition where senior year you have to find some kind of internship or independent study project, takes up the last three months of school and is a huge part of your final grade
>Not sure what I want to do but know I want to do an internship because I hate writing big papers
>Talk to a couple teachers and finally decide to volunteer with our special education department, basically tard wrangling
>Figure I’ll just put up with it until graduation, can’t be too hard
>First day of internship, find out that I’ll be mentoring (official term) one single kid the entire time
>Not what I signed up for but whatever
>Supervisor brings in my kid, tells him to introduce himself
>Kid is at least 6 feet tall, on the pudgy side but plenty of muscles too
>Face tells me right away he’s quite impaired, lopsided and slightly stretched vertically
>Big forehead, tiny nose and wonky eyes, bit of an under bite as well
>Looks at me and stomps over heavily, thrusts out his hand at light speed, think he’s trying to hit me and sort of lean back
>Instead he grabs my hand and wrenches it up and down for about 2 minutes while introducing himself as Cameron
>Cameron clearly has severe developmental issues, as well as gross motor skills deficiencies
>He can speak moderately well but often forgets to close his mouth and he can’t walk or jump without concentrating hard
>Often breaks pencils and crayons because he leans on them too hard, and doesn’t really understand any of the more abstract concepts
>Get to work right away, spend the first day just getting to know him and what he likes/does for fun
Cont.
>>
>>691243958

>Be me, senior in highschool, 17
>Don’t have a lot of friends but have a couple good ones, not an outcast or anything
>Do well in classes, mostly A’s and A-‘s, take a few AP courses but nothing special
>School has a tradition where senior year you have to find some kind of internship or independent study project, takes up the last three months of school and is a huge part of your final grade
>Not sure what I want to do but know I want to do an internship because I hate writing big papers
>Talk to a couple teachers and finally decide to volunteer with our special education department, basically tard wrangling
>Figure I’ll just put up with it until graduation, can’t be too hard
>First day of internship, find out that I’ll be mentoring one single kid the entire time
>Not what I signed up for but whatever
>Supervisor brings in my kid, tells him to introduce himself
>Kid is at least 6 feet tall, on the pudgy side but plenty of muscles too
>Face tells me right away he’s quite impaired, lopsided and slightly stretched vertically
>Big forehead, tiny nose and wonky eyes, bit of an under bite as well
>Looks at me and stomps over heavily, thrusts out his hand at light speed, think he’s trying to hit me and sort of lean back
>Instead he grabs my hand and wrenches it up and down for about 2 minutes while introducing himself as Cameron
>Cameron clearly has severe developmental issues, as well as gross motor skills deficiencies
>He can speak moderately well but often forgets to close his mouth and he can’t walk or jump without concentrating hard
>Often breaks pencils and crayons because he leans on them too hard, and doesn’t understand any of the more abstract concepts
>Get to work right away, spend the first day just getting to know him and what he likes/does for fun
Cont.
>>
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>>691243958
I'll keep it bumped for you
>>
>>691243958
>>691244241
Same thing? Am I losing it?
>>
I am sinking in this silence.
In this silence I believe.
I am sinking.
You are silent.
You are breathing I believe.
>>
>>691214433
Who cares man? Talking to people is overrated, I never understood why people want to talk to other people. I'm not trying to be an edgelord fag either, I have friends and company relatively often but I'd much rather be alone and not talk to anyone. I find that people generally have nothing of value to add and are just regurgitating everything they've been exposed to. Live on OP, people are worthless. You create your happiness, don't try to live your life according to some arbitrary social standard saying you need to act a certain way or have a certain quality/be around people with a certain quality/etc. Its not very fair to you honestly, build yourself up and once you are comfortable with who YOU are alone, people will seem like additions to your life, take it how you will from there I suppose.
>>
>>691244241
>He tells me that he mostly just colors or watches TV when he’s not in school, since he doesn’t really have any friends
>Despite all this shit he is CONSTANTLY smiling and laughing, and whenever he encounters something new his whole body just lights up, like when a baby pets a dog for the first time, or when you first taste cotton candy
>Start getting kind of attached to him, first like you would with a pet, but after a few weeks I just start treating him like a big doofy younger brother
>Spend a few hours with him every day, get to know his tics and triggers, and learn how to calm him down as quickly as possible
>Realize after the first month that I’m genuinely having fun teaching this kid about the world
>I’m an only child so I never got to do anything like it before, and Cameron (he likes being called Cam or Camera) basically worships me, so we end up doing more and more stuff outside of the mandated time
>We go on walks around the school where I show him different kinds of plants; we eat lunch together on the athletic fields when it’s nice; we even try to play soccer sometimes although it’s usually pretty hopeless
>On one of these walks we find a baby turtle with a beautiful orange splash pattern
>Point it out and spend almost an hour coaxing it out of its shell by petting it gently
>Cam LOVES animals but never gets to play with them because he can’t control his own strength
>Obviously this animal is a bit sturdier so I tell him he can pet it but only if he’s as gentle as possible
>Almost laugh at the sight of it, because he’s just sprawled out, all six feet of him, on the ground with a look on his face like he’s about to perform lifesaving brain surgery, petting this little turtle with one finger
>Can’t bring myself to laugh though, because he’s just so fucking happy that he gets to do this, finally, and it’s kind of beautiful too, so I just sit there for at least a half hour, while Cam gets to live out his fantasies
Cont.
>>
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>>691244357
Same thing
>>
>>691244400
>Eventually tell him we have to go back and he immediately asks if we can bring the turtle
>Feel kind of bad about taking it from the wild but physically cannot say no the that face, just too much hope
>Explain to him what a huge responsibility it is to take care of an animal, tell him all the things he’ll have to do, and finish by saying this is all only if the Special Ed teacher says it’s ok
>Obviously he agrees with everything, and after a long period of pleading with Mrs. Shannon (aforementioned teacher) Ted the Turtle is now a fixture in the Special Ed classroom
>Spend the next few weeks just doting on this thing, everyone in the program loves Ted and he is spoiled like a newborn baby
>Have to set up a schedule for playing with Ted because he’s just the most popular motherfucker around
>Come in one day and am immediately greeted by Carry, who is a girl with Downs syndrome; it was her turn to feed Ted that day
>Says that Ted won’t wake up
>Immediately realize what happened, am just dreading explaining it to Cam; he’s never experienced death in a personal sense, has no idea what it really means
>Teacher announces it to the class and then breaks up the kids to talk to their councilors to try and understand better
>Cam isn’t even upset at first, he just doesn’t get it, no matter how many times I explain it
>Keeps thinking that he somehow did something wrong like before and now Ted was gone as a punishment
>Telling him again and again that it wasn’t his fault, start crying because I don’t want him to feel sad, he’s like a little brother to me
>This starts him crying and goes on for a while
Cont.
>>
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>>691244492
>Finally figure out a way to explain it
>About a week ago Cam fell off the swings and hurt his ankle
>Tell him that when people, or animals, get hurt like that, but even more, they go somewhere else, where you can’t see them anymore. Ted got hurt too much, so now he’s somewhere else, and I’m sorry but you can’t see him, ok? He’s too hurt.
>Cam seems to accept this, calms down
>Teacher tells us to go home, no one is going to get anything done and we should just take the rest of the day to recover
>Come in the next day and see police cars in the bus lot
>Don’t think anything of it, sometimes cops come in and talk to the health classes, figured it was something like that
>Get to home room and find a cop there waiting with my homeroom teacher
>Teacher points to me and cop asks me to follow him out into the hall
>Confused but not really nervous since I know I haven’t done anything
>Cop asks me if I know a kid named Cameron Murphy
>Heart starts sinking, I say of course why
>Cop look crushed, tells me that Cam died last night
>Heart finishes its descent into my feet, can’t talk for a bit. Lights are too bright, faces start disappearing.
>Finally ask what happened, can barely get words out
>Cop looks even worse, tells me it’s being treated as suicide
>Heart starts rising back up into my throat, start thinking about what I said yesterday
>Oh
>Ask cop how he died, cop looks uncomfortable, says he’d rather not say
>”Please”
>Hesitates but tells me that it appears he jumped out his apartment window.
>In other words he fell
>He fell so he could get hurt
> He fell so he could get hurt so he could see Ted again because that’s where hurt things go that’s what I told him and I never lie not me not his friend
>Heart finishes up right above my tongue
>Windpipe feels like something is pushing out from the inside, like something is trying to come up and go down at the same time
>Stop thinking for a while
>Everything kind of fades out
Cont.
>>
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Prepare for hardcore feels this was.my wife earlier today
>>
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>>691244792
And this was just now
>>
>>691244719
>Next thing I remember I’m talking to Cam’s parents
>Can’t even look at them, know that it’s my fault and they blame me how could they not? I killed him. I failed in my explanation and I killed him.
>Want them to beat me or scream at me and instead they hug me and tell me how grateful they were for being such a good friend to him, how sorry they are that I have to go through this
>A thousand times worse
>Take weeks off of school. Miss prom, miss graduation ceremony, don’t do anything really until his funeral
>Funeral service is mostly family, and I fucking bawl the whole time. Just start to finish sobbing, because I don’t know what else to do, I don’t know how to help or cope
>Pastor finishes ceremony by saying “While it does no harm to weep now, no evil to mourn Cameron’s passing, simply remember that the greatest honor you may do his memory is to live as he would have wished. And every person here knows that he wished, from the bottom of his soul, for you all to be happy.”
>Haven't forgotten a word. Don't think I could if I wanted to.

Cam it’s been 6 years since you passed and not a week goes by when I don’t miss you. I’m sorry for failing you and I’m sorry that you never got to see graduation, I know you were looking forward to wearing the cap. I’ve never been a real believer in God, but I pray to whatever IS out there that you got to meet Ted again. I hope I get to meet you both too, so we can have one last walk. I love you little bro.
>>
She never lets me in, only tells me where she's been when she's had too much to drink. I say that I don't care, I just run my hands through her dark hair.
This morning I woke up alone, found a note sayin', "Maybe, maybe I'll be back someday."
I wanted to look for you, but I sat back down and had a beer and felt sorry for myself.
Last night I cried so much I could not believe she was the same girl I fell in love with long ago.
I sat down on my couch and cried, yelling, "Oh, mama, please help me."
>>
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>>691244882
RIP buddy
>>
>>691236929
i hate this im crying
>>
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Anybody want a comic?
>>
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>>691244846
More
>>
>>691244846
You did well, don't waver. Honestly, what you said there was enough, a little too much, if you can bait her into being more aggressive and having her attack you then great, DON'T REPLY to it. Divorce court takes messages between the two of you very seriously. MAKE HER THE AGGRESSOR. I understand you're upset but you need to be very composed and its awfully difficult I'm certain.
>>
https://youtu.be/1UlicHRvHVE
>>
>>691245256
Did she seriously answer to "how sure are you" with an emoji?!
>>
>>691245421
What is this gay bullshit?
>>
>>691245256
mfw we share a name
>>
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>>691245496
Yea if that tells you what kind of bitch she is
>>
>>691245421
That....was actually great
>>
>>691245764
Holy shit no way I've never met someone who spells it with an e at the end
>>
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>>691236929
god, whys there all this fuck in ur head bro?
>>
>be me, normal like the rest of the normies
>try to come up with an autistic story to tell so i can fit in this thread
>i have a gf, a good paying job, and fuck bitches on the side
>i dont do drugs or think of suicide because im not mentally defective like you weak faggots
>nothing in common with you weebo crackers
>feelsgoodman to be normal and contribute to society like a normie would
>laughs at your misery and live the better life that you will never get
>>
>>691245949
I spell it as Tristan, but it is essentially the same. It's like Jon and John
>>
>>691245421
Kinda reminds me of https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCgZdhbj9js
>>
>>691245421
Fuck dammit, anon. Too much and wrong kind of feels
>>
I hear you call my name and it feels like home.
I have no choice, I hear your voice
I close my eyes, Oh God, Heaven help me
It's like a dream, no end and no beginning
>>
>>691246111
checked
>crackers
nigger spotted
>>
>>691216606
Didn't even finish this I'm done.
>>
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>>691244241
>>691244241
>>691244400
>>691244492
>>691244719
>>691244882
Can someone compile these into a single image?
>>
sometimes i feel like blowing my brains out all over my parents room to show them how they make me feel...it's one thing to see my father spiral off into some close minded self righteous foolish bullshit reality, but now to see my mother go of the very same cliff all the while pretending to me she isnt and smiling. i dont recognize my family anymore, perhaps because i have drown myself in the muck and mire for a very long time only to pull myself out of it to see it for what it always was yet i was unable to understand...that i can't pretend anymore or nor longer easily fooled into believing in this parade of circle jerking humanity seems to be captivating itself with and yet they all do and they consume it all as if it were the truest form of reality.


i dont want to be alive, i am tired of fighting for the inevitable doom which awaits humanity...despite our technology/knowledge/understanding we cant save ourselves from ourselves
>>
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>>691245421
That's the perfect thing before bed, thanks fag
>>
If I ran away I'd never have the strength to go very far.
Hope I live to tell the secret I have learned, until then it will burn inside of me.
The truth is never far behind.
The secret that I hide, how will they know
If I live to tell will I ever have the chance again?
>>
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>>691234906
>>691235880
>>691235995

Im sure youre not actually browsing this thread anymore, but I literally got out of my comfy ass bed, turned on my slow ass computer and came all the way here to just reply I am in your same exact boat. My ex GF lied to me 4 seperate times, and treated me like absolute shit. But after her fucking up, she tried to say what this girl was saying, "We both fucked up." When I think of my ex gf, its nothing more than rage and anger because she tried pinning how she fucked up on me somehow, and that got me livid. I gave her absolutely everything and then some to make sure she was happy, and she somewhat threw that away by lying to me like I dont matter to her. After her horrible treatment, she still had the fucking nerve to say I have things to fix.

In the end, I get what youre dealing with here, my ex gf always focused on how things were said rather than what was said. Just like "Emily" did, she would complain about you posting her information more than talk about the fact that you straight just tried to cut her off and tell her she doesnt matter to you anymore. this shit has been happening to me and finally I decided to just cut it off once and for all, because this shit grinds my fucking gears.
>>
>lastcigar.webm
>>
>>691214433
so dream thread?
>be me
>6 or some shit
>kindergarten friends are dead and lined up in a row in the trees.
>bodies rotten, heads mostly rotten, some kind of conversation with tara

muh chilled hud
>>
I look to you and I see nothing
I look to you to see the truth
Fade into you
I think it's strange you never knew
>>
>>691246996
Cheer up man, it gets better. Your life will be full of mystery and adventure and amazing opportunities, all you have to do is get out there. Once you leave your house you'll see that for every bad thing in your life you can find ten things to do to make it better. Don't give up anon, God loves you.
>>
> Kids we were always together.
> She was a little brunette J was her name.
> As kids are we kinda close, she lived next door to my grandparents. I stayed there weekends.
> At one point we were going to get married.
> Time passed, she was cool kid, I wasn't.
> At a party I was talking to a girl, we were hitting it off.
> She walks up and tells the girl "Oh, Don't talk to this Anon. He's kind of a nerd." Big deal back in the day.
> I actually said something to the effect of "WTF J?"
> My heart turned into obsidian, never recovered and I never spoke to her again.
> Much older now, I often wonder what happened to J. That bitch.
>>
>>691217919
>tfw you were there for these posts
At the time I was but a newfag, took to facebook and joined a group dedicated to doxing clare. Quite cringeworthy if I do say so myself.
>>
>>691221491
my brother died while OD-ing
i felt that feel bro
>>
Take a look at my body, look at my hands.
There's so much here that I don't understand.
I've been treated so wrong, I've been treated so long as if I'm becoming untouchable.
They say that promises sweeten the blow, but I don't need them. No, I don't need them.
I need the darkness, the sadness, the weakness. I need this.
I need a lullaby, a kiss goodnight, a love of my life. I need this
>>
>>691248666
Is this oc?
>>
Okay here's about the dog I grew up with..

>Be tiny ass kid
>mom buys black n white border collie pup
>instant best friends
>would sleep in the yard and everything together
>we both started to get older
>mom would take her horseback riding n stuff
>we would go play in the park and swim in the dirty ass creek
>she got hit by a car and had to cut off her back leg
>now she has 3
fast foreword 18 years
>sell firewood during highschool to make money
>brag to this guy about my old three legged dog keeping on
>get In truck
>voicemail from little sister

Continue?
>>
>>691214433
Had a dream this morning that some cutie hispanic girl picked me up in her car so we could go out on a date. We cruised around for 30 mins just spittin the shit, talking about things we liked, shared interests and whatnot. And then crazy dream shit happened like drifting in a mall that made me realize it was a dream. I instantly woke up because I can't lucidly dream, then promptly took a cold shower to fully wake myself up. Despite being a dream, I was pretty depressed in that shower because in the dream I was actually happy.
>>
>>691249088
wish i could take credit, but no. it's actually a most hauntingly beautiful song called "My Skin" by Natalie Merchant (believe it or not).
>>
>>691249354
Never heard of her. I'll check the song out. It's damn beautiful
>>
>>691249266
At least you still have happy dreams. For the last couple of weeks, I've only dreamt about sitting on the ledge of a parking garage and calling different people on my phone. Feels like I'm writing suicide notes in my sleep.
>>
>>691249480
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hls5CpMJ0WU
>>
>>691249150
Crying now can't stop :(

>little sister calls crying about my dog
>mfw never driven so fast
>get home dog is in the barn with dad
>she threw her back out after all these years
>fuck
>I sit with her all night
>right after Christmas and we had 18inches of snow
>I put a sheet under her belly so we can go walk
>even buy a 300 dollar dog wheelchair
>my fuckig dog man :(
>take her to vet who wanted to put her down on spot
>fuck no fuck you carry her out
>they give her pain meds
>goes on like this for a few more days
>give her a pain pill one day and go on a walk
>we walked all over my property, the park, by the creek
>we start walking back up the hill and she stops and looks back with me
>mfw our empire of dirt
>next day she's bleeding out her ass
>can't see her like this man
>call vet, schedule the time for next day

Continue or no?
>>
I know someday you'll have a beautiful life,
I know you'll be a star in somebody else's sky,
But why, why, why can't it be mine?
>>
>>691250684
The day comes
>sit with her all day
>dug grave beforehand
>time comes 3 o'clock
>vet pulls up
> they come in and shave off a part of her leg hair
>they go to shoot her up with that shit
>dad calls from work
>I tell the vet to wait 20 minutes for dad to get home
>he gets there starts slamming shit
>dosent want them to put her down
>I tel em to do it anyway
>they do
>I hold her as she goes to sleep
>"I love you ol girl, you hear me god dammit"
>wrap her in thick blankets
>bury her in backyard

I know it's just a dog, but I miss her soo much. I hope she isn't mad at me for anything.
>>
>>691230778
I didn't go to my hs prom and don't regret it at all. Those things are bullshit.
>>
>>691251107
fuck..
>>
>>691249150
Yes cont
>>
The night is my companion and solitude my guide.
Would I spend forever here and not be satisfied?
Through this world I've stumbled so many times betrayed.
Into this night I wander, it's morning that I dread.
Another day of knowing of the path I fear to tread.
I would be the one to hold you down.
>>
I've stood by your side for years and not once have you glanced at me with the same passion that swims in my eyes. I love you Natalya.
>>
It's a hell of a long way home
Why don't you let me take you
It's no good to go alone
I never would have opened up, but you seemed so real to me
And I don't understand
You deserve so much more than this
So don't tell me why he's never been good to you
Don't tell me why he's never been there for you
Don't you know that why is simply not good enough
So just let me try and I will be good to you
Just let me try and I will be there for you
I'll show you why you're so much more than good enough
>>
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>Be constantly alienated as a kid
>start to just talk out my ass, autopiloting life away
>get bullied a lot but saw it as just people having fun
>eventually get into a bad time with people who I thought I trusted
>don't feel bad about it
>just now realizing that I'm a loser
>now reading a lot of books about philosophy and personal identity
>confused as to what I actually think vs talking out my ass
>having trouble remembering shit
>drinking more and smoking more
>no money
>no college because of owing money
>no car
>got a loving gf who's trying to help me through it all (pretty much the only thing I'm actually sure about is my love for her)

My brain hurts. I just want everything to stop.
>>
>>691249686
I find it intriguing how people dream differently. No offense to your plight, but it's pretty cool to hear.

That dream I had was the only one I've had in like 2 weeks, at least one that I recall.
>>
Finally I figured out but it took a long, long time
There's been times, I'm so confused, but all my roads they lead to you
I just can't turn and walk away
It's hard to say what it is I see in you
Wonder if I'll always be with you
But words can't say, and I can't do, enough to prove it's all for you
>>
What else can I do?
I said I'm sorry, but what for?
If I hurt you then I hate myself
I don't want to hate myself, I don't want to hurt you
If you only knew how much I love you
I won't be your winter
I won't be anyone's excuse to cry
I will be here
>>
>>691251615

I finished, I feel better now.
>>
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>>691252205
Bruh, stop wining and get your shits together
That's life and if you don't want to deal with it anymore, be my guest and kill yourself
If you still want to exist, change

Money problem is the easiest problem to deal with

0 - The fool
(I made it myself, it's not gud but I had fun making it)
>>
The future seemed so bright
I don't know why I'm still surprised
But you'll always be my hero
Even though you've lost your way
In this tug of war you always win
Even when I'm right
I try to run but I don't wanna ever leave
I love you
>>
>>691241447

Fucking this. I wish aI was a domestic cat, it's basically winning the animal life lottery
>>
>>691245820
She definitely wants your truck and not you so she can use it for herself or make a quik bux out of it
>>
Like a leaky old boat on an empty old sea
You leak till you're empty
When empty you're free
>>
>>691242925
>>
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Should I send this to a girl I've been friends with for over 4, maybe 5 years, or just leave it be?

Minor, quick backstory:
>years ago, xbox live
>blops1, party chat with friends, she joins
>I act like a cunt to her for no reason, she blocks me
>fast forward few months, she's playing with my group of friends again because she's friends with my best friend
>tell him to tell her I'm sorry, unblock me, pretty please, the works
>she does, cool beans
>we hit it off, but just as friends, I was dating my ex at the time
>we recently became close friends, though just these last two weeks she became severely distant, then deleted me from everything


Also, dubs get
>>
Disarm you with a smile
And leave you like they left me here
Inside of me, oh, the years burn
I used to be a little boy
What's a boy supposed to do?
>>
I'm only pretty sure that I can't take anymore
I want to get out of this
I wonder is there anything I'm going to miss
I wonder how it's going to be when you're sure I'm not there
How's it going to be when there's no one there to talk to
'cause I don't care How it's going
>>
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>>691253806
She's either having a meltdown or she really thinks that you're a toxic human being and having you in her life might not in her best interest. Just send the thing (I suggest you re-write that and add a little bit of this and that so it doesn't look like a piss-poor excuse of an apology) and if she doesn't reply or nothing changes, chances are it's the latter case.
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