>>690183338
Go on..

>>690183338
>not punching in or out for a whole week
He deserves not to get paid.

>>690183338

So we issue a manual check. Easy, right? For those who don't know, most companies farm out payroll to a company that lets you input all the hours and deductions for everyone on their software, and it calculates all the taxes and everything.

A manual check, on the other hand, is one we print at the store and sign/hand out ourselves.

Because we have to calculate deductions and taxes for employee checks, we plug in Ray's info to calculate the amount we owe him.

This manual check is technically included in the next "batch," so we it appears in the reports with all the other checks in the following period...

>>690183774

we have bi-weekly payroll, so two weeks

>>690184213
That's even worse. Did he have any proof he showed up? Is he the only one on that shift?

>>690183338
What's Ricky's dads name from trailer park boys? The old guy who used to be a truck driver

>>690184153

Two weeks go by. It's time to submit info for the new batch. There are some normal changes. Someone got a raise and a company car half way through the period. This is reflected in the auto allowance. Some people went over their allotted sick time, so we had to call them to see if they wanted to use vacation time or have unpaid time off.

Good ol' Ray forgot to clock-in or clock-out again this period. But we looked for it and caught it. No problem.

Payroll is submitted on the Monday following the bi-weekly Friday when periods end. We get all the checks on Tuesday. We do all the accounting journal entries in all the different wage, 401k, insurance, child support, tax accounts etc. Tuesday and Wednesday. People who are on direct-deposit that get the money wired to their bank accounts receive it at around 6am Thursday mornings for some reason. And people get their physical checks on Friday.

I get a call from our sales clerk Thursday morning right at 8:00 am. A few people didn't get their direct deposit that morning...

Did the second check make your payroll system deduct taxes at a higher rate? His second check was tiny? Mad guy?

overdrafted your cash account?

This is why you get a revolving line of credit with the bank you draw funds from. Go over? no big deal!

>>690184712

Yeah the Service Managers and Sales Managers assign him jobs to do and know where he is. The Service Clerk that's associated with him asks her Service Manager for his hours every period. Or at least she does when she sees him on the time-clock Detail Report and notices that he has missed punches.

>>690185447

So it's Thursday morning. We had our annual customer lunch event the day before and the Controller hadn't gotten to the journal entries yet (plugging in the payroll info into the business system). We spent more than $20k on this party and it required a lot of planning. We thought the journal entries could wait until Thursday...

>>690185471

Much worse than that.

>>690186183
Oh my

>>690186183

I've been at the company longer than the new Controller so after getting the call from our sales clerk about a few people not getting their direct deposit that morning, I look at the payroll report that we'd received on Tuesday.

That's strange... no direct deposit went out for those people. I check other people, and it didn't go out for them either! Our checks aren't actually due until Friday, but peoples' wages and salary is a very delicate subject, and we decide that it's best to just hand out the checks a day early to everyone since the people who opt for direct deposit are used to getting their payments a day early.

Even people with direct deposit get a physical check from the farmed out payroll company. It's for $0 because all the money was direct deposited (technically direct deposit is classified as a deduction in the system). But they see all the information that went into their income for that period. They see their hours, rate, wages, deductions, taxes, etc. The stub. They have to receive this by law.

So everyone's check, even the direct deposit checks, must be live checks this time. Not just stubs.

We tell the Store Manager, who is irritated, but he's a really cool guy and we get along. We break up the checks by department and start to go to each department to hand them out...

>>690187201

We pass out about 15 checks. Then the other sales clerk walks into the Controller's office where we are and asks if she got a raise.

She didn't get a raise. The Controller and I look at her check and she had no deductions...

>>690187633
....oh dear lord

>>690187633

Our Controller calls the payroll company. She is new and didn't want to make any mistakes entering anything in on their software, so she did it over the phone with our account rep.

The account rep accidentally grouped the time-clock employees (everyone who's not salaried) with good ol' Ray's manual check from the previous period. For some reason that caused no one to get deductions.

We tell the Store Manager to start going back to those 15 people to get the checks back...

>>690188109
Please tell me that Ray got fired for this and lost his pension and everything.

>>690188109
ray got direct deposited everyones pay right ?

>>690188109

The company's president is calm. She's cool and collected. I was supposed to go with her and two salesmen to a charity lunch event for the local Boys and Girls Club. She asks if this will impact that. I say yes.

After an hour on speaker phone with our terrified account rep, we go over everyone's hours, sick time, overtime, make-up time, vacation time, and she says she can start computing what people should have gotten...

>>690188711

I'm closer with the Store manager so I go to him and go over everything that we told the account rep. I'm always honest with him and I respect the hell out of him, and he knows it, and so he's in problem-solving mode, putting blame on hold.

He asks me if everything is really right this time, no mistakes? I say yes. In addition to the store manager, he's also the Sales Manager for a group of salesmen. In the payroll system he's technically in Sales Department 1, with three salesmen, his sales clerk, and an all purpose runner who stages equipment and does smaller deliveries.

The only two non-salaried people in his department are his clerk and the runner. He checks the runner's presumptive amount. Why is this guy only making $650 this period...?

>>690189507
Bump fag

>>690189507

Both our payroll account rep and our controller forgot that some people have direct deposit into a secondary savings account in addition to their primary checking account. This is about 8 people.

We have to call our account rep back and give her new information for those people. There's no fast way to undo this apparently and she has to manually enter everyone's information by hand. We ask her to hurry...

First post: 23:37

Most recent post: 00:38

Jesus fucking christ... not even going to bother to wait an hour for the ending.

>>690191035

We have Accounts payable Checks due on Thursdays, and so our AP clerk has to get those done in addition to composing about 40 manual checks and entering in the information into the right account. We have two locations, one about 30 miles away. Some people leave that store at 4pm, so that's the deadline...

>>690191290

I'm going as fast as I can

learn to be succinct

>>690191323

We get a call around 2:00 that our rep has entered everything and we can print the stubs and start printing the manual checks. Our AP clerk frantically enters while trying to double check everything to not make any mistakes. I catch a mistake as she's about to move on to the next one and we both have a moment of panic.

The checks need to be signed and stuffed into envelopes with the printout of the stub information. Both the Controller and I do this as fast as we can.

Everything is done. Time to start passing out checks. The Controller passed out the ones at that store. I take the others in my car and drive 100 mph to the other store. I make it there at 3:45. The Store Manager there is trying to work out a rental equipment deal with one of the salesmen and he's happy to see me. Everything at this location is calm.

All the non-salaried employees and their managers (basically everyone) gathers around and I explain that there was an error that it was our responsibility to catch, but that was really odd and it was difficult. But everyone check their amounts to make sure it's good. I get along well with these guys, and everything's fine. I drive back to my office at the other store. The Controller is there and we stay until 6 pm. just to clean up and decompress.

We have a phone call with the accounting firm that our company uses for the annual audit tomorrow just to check in and see how the new Controller is doing...

>>690192105

We forgot to make photocopies of the checks for our records before stuffing them in the envelopes. This is an internal control measure and is a fuckup that we can't correct...

bamp

>>690192301
I can see someone losing their job at the end of this story

>>690192301

Friday morning, and we get a call from Ray asking where his check is...

>>690192547

Ray got back to the store after everyone was gone and didn't hear about any of this. We tell him his check is in his fucking inbox. "Oh, thanks!"

The Accounting firm is not mad. They are amazed, and feel sorry for us. The President and Store Manager are reasonably irritated, but shit happens, and frankly it was such a weird error that it's reasonable not to catch it...

where's the catastrophic ending?

>>690192909
Cmon op!

>>690192909

Our AP Clerk had just taken a two week vacation getting back that Tuesday prior to this whole thing.

She knew it was going to be a busy period getting ready for that big customer event, and she knew the President and Store Manager would say no. So she bought her ticket before asking us. So she reluctantly gets the ok, if she uses up all of her sick and vacation time, even though you're not technically allowed to use sick time if you're not sick.

After being gone for vacation, she had a tough week.

A week later it's the Saturday before the next period's payroll information is due on the following Monday. I'm double checking the journal entries that our Controller made for this whole fiasco. Uh oh...

bring this to a close, i'm getting lost.

>>690193573
The suspense is killing me OP.

pls

>>690193573

When you do journal entries for employee checks it's different from other checks. Other checks you can enter it easily, allocating the correct portions to various accounts, such as store 1 freight, store 2 service, charity expense, etc.

With payroll manual checks you have to enter complicated amounts. If the check is for $2,000, you have to enter certain taxes into the wage account so it's actually $2,300, then offset it by entering taxes, deductions, etc. Our AP Clerk apparently never wrote manual payroll checks with the old Controller and just completely fucked it up.

Also, our month closed right at the end of the last period, meaning you can't edit the books for that month anymore...

Blah blah blah you sucked Rays dick and he made it rain the end

>>690191396
Pre-type you fucking cunt.

KYS

dayum juicy

>>690194371
Who's getting shit canned?

>>690194371

Our Controller was out of town that weekend for a much needed vacation. I called her and she started driving back within 15 minutes.

We re-opened the month and changed all of the journal entries. The AP Clerk also accidentally put one employee's wages in the wrong account. That wouldn't necessarily be a problem except for that in order to accurately calculate this thing called absorption, and to make things 'easy' on us, the old Controller used the work-in-progress account for service jobs that have opened but not closed yet as the same account for a certain type of service employee.

The AP Clerk's mistake was putting another employee's wages into this work-in-progress account who didn't belong there.

Part of the month-end close is to get an accurate reading of the work-in-progress account. We fixed it by Sunday night around 10 pm...

>>690194371
I'm out OP you are too fucking slow. Dont come back with this shitty story ever again.

>>690183338
In other words this is a thread for boring faggots

>>690195251
I'm just hear to laugh at the dumb fuck who lost their job

>>690195132
Same
pretype the story next time

>>690195108

The next payroll seems to go fine. It looks like we're in the clear.

The payroll company had charged us for the voided checks, and was in the process of giving back a credit. This takes a long time.

In the mean time we have a lot of settlements, and there's a surprise mini-audit of a certain kind of equipment, so we have to pay for it early.

We are in the red by a few thousand dollars and have to get a transfer to the general checking from the money market account...

Jesus, never thought I would actually experience anything more boring than accounting until I listened to you try and tell a story about accounting.

gj and kys

>>690195749

We eventually get a credit from the payroll company. It's off from our numbers by exactly $80. They computed the credit in a strange way and there's no way to tell who is right or where the error is. They have to start their calculations over...

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>>690195949

>>690195947
WHO CARES, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHO CARES?!?

JUST END IT ALREADY

>>690195947

The guy who got the raise and the company car let us know that he's cool with it, but he didn't get his raise or auto allowance reflected in his next period's check...

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>>690196038

>>690196054
>he company car let us know that he's cool with it


thats neat, im glad he liked the company car. must make your job satisfying as hell

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>>690196121

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>>690196185

The only reason the OP has so much time to write this is because he doesn't have to go back to work anytime soon.

Christ, half of this story just shows how overly complicated this accounting bullshit is. Half of these numbers and calculations is completely irrelevant, made up, hot air, nonsense. Probably invented to make accountants feel useful or make someone else feel cool. Absorption? Give me a break.

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>>690196270
For fucks sake OP just give us the tl;dr version.

tell us the fucking punchline

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>>690196433

>>690196054

I think we corrected everything. I think we're out of the clear.

Then today right as I'm about to leave the office I decide to check the paid sick time for something unrelated.

When the account rep was inputting everything manually, she was correct in everything, including the sick time and vacation time.

Except, because she voided the checks using a mid-period batch that we were to run in conjunction with the incorrect batch, sick and payroll time didn't accrue as normal...

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>>690196487

>>690196156

He was cool with the error

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>>690196622

>>690196539

We also give 24 hours paid sick time per year, with a cap of 48 to carry over from previous years. The payroll company's software had an internal bug that we'd caught three months earlier where it accidentally gave accrued sick time in odd amounts to people at the anniversary of their hire date, instead of only on January 1st...

At what point did you realize that you failed as both an operations manager and a storyteller?

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>>690196746
>>690196539
>I check something else
>Account rep actually got it right shocked.gif
>O shit sick pay and payroll time didnt accrue

Fucking green text it like that you nigger and leave out all the pointless shit details

>>690196894
This. This. This!!!!!

>>690196846

With all the hassle we'd forgotten to check people for negative sick time. Meaning, they say they were sick for 6 hours that period, but they only have 4 hours of paid sick time left...

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>>690196977

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>>690197100

I have long ago forgotten the original mistake that has led to all the other fucking mistakes that has eventually culminated into on giant mistake.

[spoiler]The giant mistake is this story[/spoiler]

>>690196846
So your in california then

>>690197089

So some people had gone into negative sick time, which is such a pain to have to undo because you have to go to each employee individually and explain what happened.

The bug from earlier was apparently fixed, but it was fixed in a weird way that didn't let you go into negative sick time, and if you did...

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>>690197089
>we'd forgotten to check people for negative sick time

So the story really is you are incompetent and lost your job. But you are going to blame all these other people. Like Ray because he didnt clock in.

Who gives a fuck about you? tell use what happened to Ray and go find a McJob.

>>690185662
>2016
>don't know how to use excel/self control
>use credit to cover overdraft
>all downhill from here

good luck trying to restore your credit at 40

I'm confused, is this some avant garde joke, or did this really happen?

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>>690197405

>>690197350

It added crazy amounts of negative sick time to that employee. Which is a headache because sick time and payroll in general are very delicate.

As I'm looking through everything I realize that our AP Clerk has all of her sick time and vacation time...

>>690197250

Yeah. We were actually already giving 24 hours of paid sick time when that law was passed, but now we have to do it at the start of the year instead of throughout the year.

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>>690197572
This porn was new when OP started typing his story 10 years ago

so you do over $35 mil in revenue but you can't even outsource your payroll successfully

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>>690197742

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>>690197719
OP I won't pretend to understand what is happening here, but you are putting alot of effort in here so I'll read it anyways

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>>690197866

>>690197609

The AP Clerk is the one who gets everyone's Detail Reports before the time-clock info is submitted. The Controller checks those to make sure that everything is good for the period.

But the AP Clerk is supposed to watch for negative sick time, and she is the one to see negative balances. She is the one who would catch when someone is negative before submitting it...

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>>690198002

>>690197719
Hate that law. We switched to unlimited PTO and yet we still have to have some random bullshit sick time on the books. Stupid government not keeping up with progress.

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>>690198108

>>690197981
I think its about sick-time and Ray's rig sleeper or something.

>>690196405
You're an idiot. Yes, "depreciation" is made-up nonsense. Except that it's literally supported by the laws of thermodynamics. Absorption is a method of costing out products taking into account labor, direct materials, and then both types of overhead using cost pools. This is much more efficient depending on the type of product or costs associated with a particular part of the process. Or in other words, please tell me all of the associated costs with selling a coke and try it without including the electricity of the machines that bottle it, or the gasoline used to transport it.

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>>690198092
this post has added literally nothing to your story but length

GET THE FUCK ON WITH IT YOU CUNT

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>>690198195
Yeah that's the gist of it I guess
BUT WHAT HAPPENED TO RAY
HE WAS SO CLOSE TO RETIRING

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>>690198353

This story makes my pee-pee hard.

pee-pee hard...
pee-pee hard...
pee-pee hard...

But my girlfriend is a big tub of lard.

tub of lard...
tub of lard...
tub of lard...

>>690198199
I think he means your terminology, while seems appropriate for the industry, has become so specific and inside knowledge, that it seems like waffly bullshit that people people to look important. Rather than a fast way to describe / label a mechanism or process to people in the know.

>>690198353
dude there is no story, its just a markov chain generating posts

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>>690198505

>>690198199
does the law of thermodynamics account for double declining or straight line depreciation.

you're the eisenstein of accounting

>>690198092

When the no-deduction checks were voided, everything was right, assuming that sick time and vacation time would accrue as nromal. But they didn't because of the mid-period batch, which only the payroll company would know about because it's an issue with their software and not any accounting practices.

So everyone who took sick time or used or accrued vacation time in that period got that voided, like it never happened.

Our AP Clerk didn't want to bring it to anybody's attention that she got her sick and vacation hours back.

Almost all of the 40 people with the voided checks accrues vacation time. All of that was voided. So was everyone's used sick time and used vacation time for that period.

So now, on Monday, our Controller and I have to explain to the President that 40 people have incorrect sick and/or vacation time, and everyone who went into negative sick time is off by odd amounts because of the glitch.

The End.

Apologies for the slow posts.

10/10 for making me believe OP

>>690198827
So what happened to the cunt that didn't do her job?

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>>690198608
OP literally just give us 5 lines to finish it off now and tell us what the end is

>>690198763
It does. Depending on the exchange of energy between various levels, different things should be depreciated at different rates in order to allocate the cost as closely to those rates as possible. Can you with 100% certainty say that two different cars used at different rates will have the same value? No, but accountant's jobs are to try and get as close to possible to recording the actual cost of things. If you use a truck every day for it's first year, then once a week it's second year, it just makes sense to double-decline for that first year and S/L the second.

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>>690197742

>>690198827
What about Ray dammit?

>>690198827
So shes a thief then. Fire her.

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>>690198827
>The End.
you are fucking kidding

You wasted 2 hours posting this awful story for there to be basically no funny ending

What happened to ray you dirty fucker

>>690199307
i was being facetious you egghead.

Ray's dead boys.

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>>690199475

I used to work a summer at the HQ of a tech contractor firm and this kind of shit is a nightmare to fix.

But what the fuck happened after.
Tell a better story. Finish it, what happened after, that's the important part.

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>>690198827
You're an asshole

>>690183338
>This is a thread for people who like numbers and problem solving,
No it wasn't op you cunt it was a thread for people who like dreadful stories written slowly

Sage and bail, fuck OP's "story"

>>690200573
No man. Not good enough.


Get the fuck back here OP you dirty bastard. Explain thus bullshit or we will backtrace you and consequences will never be the same

Toasting in epic bread!
Greatest story evar OP!!!

>>690199445

Ray picked an awful time to be lazy with his time clock because of the switch in Controllers, and a great time to retire. He got another manual check mid-way through the period with all of his vacation time added in. It was off by the sick time he was supposed to accrue in the previous period...

GOTTA WAIT TILL MONDAY FOR REST OF STORY? FUCK YOU

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>>690198827
Shitty story was shitty, but lookit dem tears.

>>690199475

Ray just retired after about 26 years with the company...

>>690201390
And fucking what!!!!!!

YOu telling me that's it? Ray retired and got a cheque

As I was reading this story, I felt more and more like a character straight outta Office Space. Dry and humourless. A true office rat.

>>690199723

That's where it is at this moment. The payroll company is still checking to see where the $80 difference is. The AP Clerk has just been caught for not doing her job correctly, but we've been asking a lot more of her lately with all of this than she was used to, and she's a grandmother and low key and was probably more overwhelmed than dishonest, so not sure what's going to happen with her.

We can't get rid of our Controller now because she has a good resume and is smart and is otherwise a good fit. This chain of events started because of a reasonable mistake that was compounded with a whole lot of other mostly reasonable mistakes. And things can be fixed because we'll (probably) have to go individually to each of the affected employees and go over what their sick and vacation time should be. As for me... I have no idea.

>>690202263
Absolutely pathetic.

Next time you feel like posting a story here don't.

>>690202263
Constant reasonable mistakes adds up to incompetence. You should be worried.

>>690202263
Were any/most of those mistakes your job to catch? If you hadn't missed one, would this have never happened?

If so, you're boned.

>>690202699
Yep. Looks to me like op is fucked. He is certainly right at the centre of all the fuck ups

>>690202263
How much is this series of unfortunate events going to cost your company, and how much of it is your fault?

What is the name of this company? I don't want to use it for anything. Sounds like a cluster fuck.

>>690202263
As a former controller, I would terminate the AP Clerk and the payroll outsourcing firm.

The controller had better step up otherwise, in the course of your story I've forgotten your role but I feel like you should be less involved in accounting.

>>690203466

Everything is the Controller's primary responsibility. I am spending most of my time with her because at first she was new, and then all of this happened. I am probably responsible for everything that she was responsible for.

The initial mistake of the non-salaried employee checks getting grouped with Ray's manual check, and that somehow causing there to be no deductions for those employees, was entirely the payroll company. Our Controller (or myself) could have gotten to the payroll journal entries on Tuesday instead of after the annual event on Thursday. That would have made us aware of this with two days to work on it, instead of having to do it in the same day. Then the manual check work-in-progress journal entries wouldn't have been entered incorrectly.

The credit from the payroll company would have still been late, causing us to still have to transfer from the money market, which actually wasn't a big deal, it was just nerve-wracking having to ask.

We wouldn't have looked as bad on Thursday making the error with the runner's direct deposit to his secondary savings account. Well, most likely.

The voided sick time would have still happened because it was unnoticeable until at least the next payroll reports were in. But if we saw it asap that would have been a week or so sooner, which would have maybe been an easier mistake to sell.

If our AP Clerk hadn't stressed so much maybe she would have told us about how she had all of her vacation and sick time still and that something might be up.

If we had more time and were less stressed we could have possibly had the time and energy to quadruple check things like the guy's raise and company car auto allowance being accurately changed.

In the movie, Ray is played by Harry Dean Stanton, OP is only in one scene, and his entire story happens off-screen while Ray fucks a bunch of old ladies in the back of this truck.