who is that grill again?

In 5th grade we had little cubbies where the teacher would put graded work for us to pick up at the end of the day. I asked the teacher what Laken's cubby number was. She told me it was 17. So I go over and put in the love letter I made for her. The end of the day rolls around and this cunt Elizabeth is holding my love card. She opens it up and reads it in full. "DEAR LAKEN........ (insert 5th grade romance).... FROM KYLE"
It turns out Laken's cubby number was 15 and I misheard. She looked really embarrassed and didn't look at me. I cried on the way home. My young love failed

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Bet $800 on Nick Dean vs. Redman Johnston

Lost that money real quick.

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>>689089434
>mfw I recognized that gay blowjob

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>>689091370
never forget

I grew up in a traditional conservative muslim household...

then In 2010 my parents with the help of police took me to a mental institute and locked up for several months and afterwards I had to take injections regularly

so as a revenge I thought I Should shock them...
I told my father,, psychiatrist and case worker in the same room tht I had gone to a massage parlor spa and got massage from masseuse licked her asshole, shit was on her asshole, shit went into my mouth

true story

but it didn't shock them I just got traumatized and now I get these emotional flashbacks where I get really emarassed, ashamed and paranoid

i also have boredom 24/7 and disturbing thoughts

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>>689091474
>but it didn't shock them I just got traumatized

kek

When I was a kid my brother and I always smoke cigarettes and shit, and we're just overall dumb kids.

But one day I woke up and the house was on fire,I couldn't escape but I somehow ended up not dying.

Unfortunately my parents did not have the same fate and they passed away in the fire.

I was in and out of mental institutions for most of my childhood and teen years.

One day I eventually found out my brother was the one that burned down the house and killed our parents.

I actually managed to track him down thanks to my Dad's apprentice who he was teaching and I beat my brothers ass him a cell.

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>>689092715
>Whats the most embarassing thing that ever happened to you?

>>My brother killed both my parents

I farted in first grade on a day we ate lunch in the classroom because it was raining. Half the people laughed the other half said ewwww very loudly. My best friend pointed me out saying it was me when I tried to pin it on the people around me.

>>689092988
I forgot to mention that he beat me at Wrestlemania

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>>689092715

>>689092715
fake and gay

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>>689093156
We can't all be Redman

>>689089434
When I was 10 I was at my cousins house. There was a few of us, as in, me, him, and his neighborhood friends. We were going from the back yard to the front yard and his parents were tired of us going through the house, so we were going over the chain link fence. When I was hopping over it, somehow the back of my underwear got caught on it and I was stuck hanging from them until my aunt came out and got me down.
also my cousin stole my Spice World VHS so fuck him I'm glad he died in Iraq

In 8th grade at lunch some girl my grade was eating in the table behind us. She was half-standing leaning over with her (very nice ) butt spread in plain view. She was wearing yoga pants.

My friend whispered, "I dare you to shove you fingers into her buttcrack".

I didn't even think, I just nodded, turned around, and jabbed my fingers as hard as I could at her ass.

Except I missed. I ended up jabbing my fingers into her pussy.

She actually took it pretty well despite her screaming initially from surprise and pain from me basically camel punching her twat. Then she laughed and asked me what the hell I did that for. I told her it was a dare. She just laughed.

Unfortunately, a teacher overheard because she came over when she heard the scream.

I ended up not really getting in trouble, but had to spend sever days in the counselors office talking about why I did it. And, for some reason, they kept asking me how I got those ideas to touch girls like that. Was I being touched like that at home. Was anyone trying to touch me, etc etc etc. It was all very confusing and embarrassing.

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>>689094379
I had a similar story where I tried to jerk off on a plane but missed and hit the first tower.

>>689089434
5th grade, class was lined up at the door to go to the last recess, it had been 2 hours since lunch and I had been holding in this fart for pretty much the whole time, standing up to go to the door unsettled it to the point where I knew it was going to come out. I decided to slowly ease it out and release the pressure quietly until we could ge out side.

Nope.

Out came the largest, loudest, longest fart of all time and to make matters even better 2 of the hottest girls in the class who I had huge crushes on both just gotten in line right behind me.

And to add icing on that cake being the genius I was I quickly said whatever the first thing that popped into my head was which turned out to be 'ooh my stomach'

Both girls doubled over laughing. I felt so ashamed

I was grounded for doing something to my sister again. Being bored outside, I found a shady spot to lie down and started to fap in solitude, when a terrorist crashed a plane into my dick.

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>>689094686
>>689094948
Sorry man my bad.

>>689090500
Chloe moretz

When I was in elementary school we did a cooking class with the lunch ladies and I had to take the old oil to the trash . I thought it would be a good idea to go into the locker room and pour oil into everyone's shoes who happened to be doing P.E at that time. While I was at about the 5th pair of shoes a girl walked in and caught me and I started crying automatically. She went and told on me and I cried the entire time I was being berated by the teaching staff.

I once also walked into the wrong hotel room

>be kid
>got gameboy pocket from grandma
>parents got me pokemon blue
>love it hard
>know to be careful because it's expensive
>it goes missing one day
>oh shit
>they're going to kill me
>try not to freak out
>methodically search room
>oh come on
>slowly search rest of house trying not to look suspicious
>no luck
>at school next day
>start taking more frequent bathroom breaks so i can go search the cubby room and other kids backpacks
>after second day haven't found it
>mom eventually finds out i lost it
>kicks my ass for losing something so expensive
>10 years later dad tells me he took it and pawned it for money for pills
>never told mom
pretty embarrassing, boy was my ass red

>>689089434
>you will never see her freaky fridge body naked
How do you go from hottest chick on the planet in Kick-Ass to THAT?

>be 10
>summer holidays
>go away to adventure park with school
>brag loudly about no fearing heights
>abseiling comes up
>literally shit myself halfway down
>burst into tears
>whole class laughs
That or the time the school nurse caught me masturbating

>>689089434
Why doesn't the guy have a bowl

>>689097888
Was she cute?

>>689097888
how do you "literally shit yourself" ?

>>689098561
She was about 60 and seriously religious

>>689098759
Sometimes when people are scared they say "I shit myself". I quite literally expelled faeces from my bowels.

>>689089434
People at summer camp found some pissing porno video I had on my MP3 player when I was 15
I couldn't go back to that camp

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>>689098759
By literally shitting yourself...

>>689099265
That's actually physically impossible. Do you mean you shit your pants?

>>689099442
I don't fucking know smart ass, if you got some human skin in that shit, you could literally shit yourself.

>>689099442
How autistic are you?
Like on a scale of 1-10?

>>689089434
I recognise that gay blowjob!

>>689089434
life, living.

>>689099716
Stop using "literally" wrong. How many grades have you failed? From Kindergarten to 12th.

>>689089434
This fucking picture man.. She looks so confused.

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>>689099442
Technically the shit was inside of your by at one point, more than likely has traces of your cells in side of it, making you literally shit yourself.

>>689099442
What part of this isn't clear? I voided my bowels, my insides became my outsides, I dropped the kids off at the pool, brown human waste filled my underwear, exiting my anal sphincter. My fear caused me to hit my pants, LITERALLY

>>689099734
Can someone shop that in please?

Peephole at school found out my gf was jewish

>>689099211
Christian camp? Amd were u literally barred from going back?

>>689091474
That's ptsd dude, i have it, and so does like 80% of the total population

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writefag here, writing a dystopian comedy story in an SJW controlled world. I need help coming up with stupid laws that exist in this world. Good ideas and trips earn nudes of pic related.

>>689100570
why did this post in here instead of a new thread? fuck.

>>689092715
Yup could tell this wad fake before the end of the first sentence you gay faggot homo

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>>689100610
I'll show you how it's done

>>689100570
White cis males are not allowed to look at anyone that considers themselve a woman or part woman

Post the shoop with the two homeless guys in the background