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>>688278909

>I was born with phimosis (tight foreskin)
>not bad enough to be detected
>but bad enough that my glans would barely get exposed during an erection
>because of this, masturbating with the normal technique was pretty much impossible
>so i started masturbating differently
>i literally humped an ottoman cube while watching porn
>like i'd get on my knees and start humping until cumming
>with my pants on
>all my boxers got stained
>eventually developed jock itch because of it.
>one day at 16 yo wonder why isnt my glans exposed during erections
>research
>realize i have phimosis
>start pulling my foreskin back little by little in the shower
>in a few weeks, i can already expose my glans
>one day while shitting, I pull it all the way back
>thefuckinghorror.jpg
>i had huge, white buildup of some shit all around my glans
>it fucking smelled terrible
>like 500 rotten fish and a million shit stained corpses
>get scared af and think i have penis cancer
>research, turns out its smegma, dried cum mixed with piss and sweat
>spend the next month cleaning it
>some of it was so fucking embedded it took like 3 "sessions" to scrub it off
>really smelled terrible

Always clean your dick well boys

>>688280198

bump by sharing a secret you fag

My girlfriend broke up with me because I failed to fuck her

>>688280637
failed or didnt even try?

>>688280845

I tried but I wouldnt get hard so my dick wouldnt get in and we wasted all the condoms.

My car's mom tried to finger me in the back of my friend

>>688281485
>condoms
found your problem

I burned millions of republican primary ballots to ensure a trump victory

>>688281485
I am laughing so hard at this post and I don't know why

>>688281632

protected sex?

>>688278909
...ok.

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The only reason I'm with my gf is so I can groom her 12 yo daughter

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>>688278909
i fap to CP on tor occasionally

>>688281856
12yo girls dont need grooming...they are all dtf

>>688281856
God speed anon

>>688281771
Ha. Cause it's rather pathetic, that's why

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>>688281952
enjoy prison

>>688280637
is she ugly or are you just gay?

>>688282120

I guess it was...

im still a virgin btw and she's now married.

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>>688282203

>>688282007
>12yo girls dont need grooming...they are all dtf
They are curious as fuck, but have no idea what fucking actually is. They understand the mechanics, but that's about it.

>>688282073
>God speed anon
Ty

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>>688282259
dayum

>>688282240

She was actually very hot like 8.5/10 in fact I always wondered why the hell she was with me because I see myself as a 5 at most.

I think I might be asexual, or at the moment I was just consumed by nerves

>>688282559
no, they know.

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>>688280026
With this in mind, how do you feel about your parents deciding not to cut your foreskin off?

>>688283172

I'm actually grateful tbh and most girls from my country hate cut dicks, circumsicion here really isnt common

i bump dying threads

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>>688282950
This one doesn't

>>688284221
You fucking monster

around 2006 I started breaking into email accounts as a hobby. was bored, got nudes, etc.

Over time the major provides started to put in more and more security countermeasures making my job harder. The hardest to work around was geographic restrictions, I had to rent VPS/servers in the target countries to work from.

After a while this got expensive, so I opened it up as a service for others to use - pay a monthly fee, get access to the network, break into accounts. A few dozen people involved, so I could expand it.

Eventually fucks like google got really localised and the VPS method wasn't enough. One of the 'customers' came to me and offered use of a botnet he ran if we'd split the profit. So now instead of 50 or so VPS's, we had a network with thousands of endpoints covering pretty much each city.

After a while my new partner convinced me we should start taking on private contracts for tricky cases. He covered the background work (exploits and payloads), I covered the customer UI and support, and we started getting some good money for targeting individuals.

I still work part time but most of my money comes via that service. I never planned for this, each step just came after the one before. I don't know if I should take this as far as it can go or quit now before it goes wrong.

tl;dr accidental cybercriminal

>>688284670
is she retarded or something?

>>688283689
Glad to know. I am having a kid early next year and if it's a boy I'm won't have him cut.

>>688285380
No, Russian.

When my nephews stay with me I let them shower with me and my gf. Their parents are conservative godfags so they are pretty sheltered. It's fine with just me and them but they would flip the fuck out if they knew gf also joined us. They are staying with me this week but we showered at the pool earlier today though

>>688285557
uncutfag here.

I'm sure it's fine whatever you choose. small risks either way, but long term it'd work out.

I just don't see the point of chopping off body parts without a solid medical reason.

Can blackmail guy reporting

when i was 10 i put my tongue in my dogs asshole

i was caught by my dad tongue kissing my dog

i used to stick TinkerToys up my ass to check for worms

i had sex with my 11 yr old cousin

>i was a fucked up kid

I interview and get good job offers just to turn them down and feel better about myself

>>688281485
usually an anxiety thing. i've had to work through this with two diff virgins
>>688281856
greentext

i smell my sisters used panties, lick her dildos and fap into her lube.

>>688286450

Are you a girl or a dick?

>>688286826
got any pics of her?

>>688286008
>I just don't see the point of chopping off body parts without a solid medical reason

this. different anon here, I live in the US and cutfags were the majority when I was growing up, i was one of the few uncutfags, never wished i was cut, glad I wasnt. Much less common herei live in same area still) now, 20+ years later, was probably 85% cut when I was a kid, pretty much 50/50 now.

>>688286923
gril

My girlfriend is a miserable selfish piece of shit that made shitty life choices and blames it on anxiety.

Financially without a husband she will never be able to afford her own car (a new one) or a house.

I am very successful, but I still have to go through one more year of on the job training before making top wage, then I can accept a permanent full time position if any jobs are available.

Currently she looks after my pets while I work, and I make her pay for half the rent. She also cleans because she has OCD which is useful to me.

Currently I have a lot of credit card debt, but when I have a permanent position that will be easy to pay off due to my salary.

Right now I am currently hiding money away, and when I get a full time position I plan on leaving her. I may wait until the debt is paid down if she is tolerable.

Currently have $8000 in a seperate bank account she has no idea about, the cash I will use for a lump sum down payment once she is gone and my credit card debt is paid. Until then I will continue saving money while paying down my debt.

Some people may say why don't I just leave her now if she's so horrible?

Well my rent will double, I may have to give up my pets due to long working hours, and if I become single I'll start partying regularly and spending a lot of money on cocaine. As long as she's around I don't party and do drugs.

Short term misery for long term gain.

>>688287198
sometime you have to bite the bullet and look for what's best in the future. is the sex good? post pics of pets also ffs

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>be me, 20 yo, just broke up with long-term gf (about two years)
>hadn't been single since high school, so was beta af
>get invited to party and fail at flirting all night
>after a few hours, this horridly ugly grill starts talking to me
>she was seriously -1/10
>fucked up teeth that were turning yellow
>saggy, acne-covered skin all over body
>at least 300 lbs
>stretch marks everywhere (even on neck)
>smelled like dirty garbage
>I politely blow her off and go to bed alone
>fast forward two weeks
>ugly bitch adds me on fb
>surewhythefucknot.png
>she starts messaging me
>turns out she's an imbecile, too
>can hardly understand what she's typing
>ignore her for the most part (message back occasionally if bored)
>fast forward another few weeks
>still no hawt secks since broke up with gf
>fapping three or four times a day
>standards have tanked completely
>while fapping, hear ping noise from fb
>check without finishing (that's how low I was at that point)
>it's ugly bitch
>start messaging her while fapping
>lose all self-control - ask for nudes
>she obliges almost instantly
>ohthehorror.jpg
>even worse without clothes
>go soft immidiately, go to sleep
>days go by
>she keeps sending me nudes almost every day
>one night I'm already asleep, she messages me
>open one eye, check my phone
>she is asking if she wants me to come over
>it's like 3 in the morning
>roll over, get ready to go back to sleep
>then I think of how vagina feels
>can't overcome urge to fuck something
>text back yes
cont?

>>688287198
Are you me?

My wife came home from "work". Went upstairs and took a shower. I went up and asked her why she was getting a shower so early. She told me she had a sinus headache and that the shower would make it go away. She turned around and on her ass was a perfect handprint. That's my secret.. I know she's fucking around and soon I'm going to do something about it.

>>688287936
what

Borderline addicted to cam chat sites, can't get enough of it, especially during school holidays

>>688287936
>going to do something about it.
3some?

When I was 5 I went full penetration on my femboy neighborhood(same age)

I convinced a couple kids to take nude photos of their parents when I was 8
One kid said his health teacher told him to so they had a huge investigation

I'm the kinky superhorny quiet type

>>688286450
>greentext
Not a lot to greentext yet. I tell her she's pretty/sexy when she's wearing tight or revealing clothes, give her shoulder massages, small things like that. Going to take it slow, she'll be ready in a year or two.

>>688287936
the plot thickens...0.o

>>688288511
is she weird about it? does she seem to purposefully wear that stuff around you?
does she have siblings that you show preference over?

>>688288511

I hope you honestly get arrested and thrown into jail

>>688288511
she was ready 2 years ago

>>688288675
cancerous

>>688288758
What if he gets dishonestly arrested?

>>688288973

I dont care how if he's actually grooming a 12 years old he should be thrown into jail

>>688288973
he can sit in jail with the rest of the dindus and hope justice system works(lol)

>>688287936
Maybe she slapped her own ass anon

>>688287839
Pls cont anon

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>>688289152

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>>688281856
Dating a garbage single mom to fuck her daughter. Men are superior, they say.

>>688289135
(lol)

>>688287839
Yes nigger

>>688288298
Funny story.

I think I signed up for realitykings? I don't remember exactly. But I bought a year membership to just porn, whatever site I bought into had a cam section I never used.

I only watched porn on my iPad and didn't save the password, nothing else. My girlfriend didn't even know the password, but she knew I paid for porn and didn't care.

Somehow, someone got my login info, which my email was linked too, I was at work and checked my email, and had a password change request, confirmation of a lifetime membership, and they blew $300 on tokens to give to the cam models.

Think of the argument I had when I tried to get that money back from the bank and porn company.

YES I ORDERED A YEAR SUBSCRIPTION THE PORN IS MINE, BUT NO I DID NOT BUY A LIFETIME MEMBERSHIP OR TOKENS FOR CAM WHORES.

NO I WAS NOT DRUNK IN THE LAST 24 HOURS

NO MY SIGNIFICANT OTHER IS NOT WATCHING CAM GIRLS

NO, I DONT HAVE ANY CHILDREN SO THEY ARENT WATCHING CAM GIRLS

Was it you who did this to me anon?

Me and my boyfriend are really into bondage, and the first time we tried it we did it in his house (he lives with his mother), he locked the door of his room and tied me up, we fucked and all was great untill we realized he couldn't untie me (the fucking knot was impossible to undo, apparently he messed it up at some point while tying me) he looked for scizors or something to cut the rope but he couldn't find anything. So we spent like 3 hours sitting there, waiting for her mother to leave.


needless to say after all those hours tied up my hands, legs and chest sore like hell. Still do bondage thou.

>>688284670
Deluded fool. She's been ridden more than her mom!

>>68888888
ALEX is a Fucken NIGGER

>>688278909
when my uncle brought his girlfriend to visit when i was 13 they got really drunk and passed out on the couch when tehy were supposed to be watching me
long story short i ended up taking pictures of her tits and pussy with my little cheap polaroid camera. i even got up enough courage to rub my cock on her pussy lips for minute. almost put it in but she kind of moved and i chickened out. i kind of think my uncle was watching me, swear his eyes were open at one point then when i double checked they were clsoed really tight

>>688289471
even my 8yo niece owns a pocket knife. fucking shit your bf is useless

i'm in a 5 year relationship and i think i'm falling in love with a friend of mine who happens to be in a 5 year relationship too.. man i'm so fuck'd..

I've helped my exgf fuck a dog and she loved it

>>688288465
storytime?

>>688278909
I don't know weather to play it safe with the girl I am with atm or cut loose and be free for my last two years of college, she's amazing in every way (apart from having a slightly upper class/snobbish way of looking at things) but for some reason I don't feel like I love her as much as she loves me, any advice /b/...?

>>688287198
Think like a woman! Use her to maximum advantage!

>>688289677
that's what i thought atm lol

>>688285607
Same shit

>>688278909
I'm a pussy. I always see cute girls, some which even look at me, and I SEE them look at me. Just this morning I went to breakfast with my sister and this cute as fuck girl was checking me out, so what did I do? fucking nothing. I'm such a fucking faggot, and I'm going to die alone.

>>688287839
Yes please!

I'm the normiest of normies, socially active, charismatic and friendly but one of these I'm afraid I'll kill myself.
I was raped 18 months ago by a man, and since then I've been having several awful anxiety attacks. And it gets a little worst every time.

>>688287078
then time stamped tits or GTFO

>>688290315

That was 20 minutes ago, you can forget about that cont

cont'd from >>688287839
>turns out she lived like fifteen minutes away from me
>as soon as she's there, there was this weird tension in the air
>like we both knew what this was
>I start taking off my clothes, so she starts taking off hers
>we both just stand naked
>I try not to look
>I ask if she has a preference for positions
>she gets kind of sad/awkward
>"don't you want to make out some, first?"
>hahaha, nope. But it's already fucking weird enough, so I start kissing her
>her breath was terrible, smelled like tuna salad and onions
>she keeps shoving her tongue in my mouth
>we're laying down now, and I start to rub her pussy
>It was like putting my hand in pond water
>after about 90 seconds of this, I finally reach over for the condom drawer
>"I'm on the pill"
>I debate for a few seconds, but decide she was way too fugly to have had much sex
>Go in bareback
>She's sopping wet, and not in a good way
>I think it was mostly sweat
>I close my eyes and picture Gianna Michaels
>I come buckets in about 30 seconds
>Tell her to get on all fours
>Ram it back in her
>Fuck her doggy for a couple minutes
>come buckets again
>still hard
>mightaswellkeepgoingatthispoint.webm
>plow her for about five more minutes, come a third time
>much less epic
>finally have quenched my thirst
>and that's when I realize what I'd done
>nearly puke
>suddenly smell her swamp vag
>the smell has filled the room like tear gas
>pull out and go to the bathroom
>lock the door behind me, leaving her filled with my loads
>Scrub myself for nearly thirty minutes
>When I come out of the shower, she's gone
>Left a scribbled note saying "call me"
>throw it away
>delete number from phone
>unload entire can of febreeze in room
>wash all bedding twice
>delete her from facebook
>"never again, anon"
side note: as far as I know, she didn't have any STDs (thank fuck), but did give me crabs. Now, to finish the story

Once walked into the office at work unannounced to see my female boss sat at her desk looking a bit cross eyed. She recoils and says don't you knock anon?

Whole room smelled of pussy juices and she was blushed.

I might ask if I can fuck her, she's always flirting, I'll put her on the spot see what she does.

>>688278909
I eat at McDonald's and I live in Europe

>>688288747
>is she weird about it? does she seem to purposefully wear that stuff around you?
She wears it more after I complimented her on it
>does she have siblings that you show preference over?
No, she's an only child

>>688288776
Nah, I prefer them around 14/15 and willing, 10 is too rapey in my eyes

>>688289345
Humans are garbage in general, gender doesn't matter

>>688289510
Nope. She had to get hpv vaccination recently, two shots since she's still a virgin.

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>>688280637
Feels bad man, the thing I hate about this shit most is that if the gender roles were reversed you'd be called out for being a fucking misogynistic nazi bastard for dumping her

QG are you here?

>>688278909
I want to cuck my girlfriend

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This is my weiner

>>688287198
it could be beter to dump her now
because depending on the country you will get fucked over when you dump her while you make top money
so beter to live half a year with a debt than to live the rest of your live paying for everything for her

>>688290567
hahaha holy shit anon

>>688290541
>get blatantly asked if im boy or girl
>say girl
how is this attention seeking

>>688291029
tits or GTFO

>>688290883
Thank you anon, that picture made me feel better about my own dick size

>>688290666
Devil trips

>>688287839
Probably pasta but I've done some thing sort of similar, except shes more like a 4-5/10. Have not felt horny in like 2 months because of it. NEVER AGAIN

>>688291102
na, but thanks

>>688290567

Fuck I really hope I never mess up this badly.

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>>688290567
>fast forward 3 years
>visiting home from college on holidays (I'd switched out of state)
>have new gf that I am still currently with (even planning on proposing, soon)
>driving down street to a friend's house during the early afternoon
>drive by some shitty, beaten-up trailer-park area
>as I'm driving by, guess who I see outside one of the trailers
>fugly bitch
>sink a little lower in my seat
>but as I get closer, that's when I see the kid
>looks like he's two or three
>blonde hair, blue eyes (like me)
>she has dark hair and brown eyes
>kid seriously looked a lot like me
>feel like my gut is going to implode
>she's yelling at him about toys or something
>he's covered in dirt, wearing shitty, torn clothes
>she's gotten even fatter and uglier
>she starts hitting him
>right there in front of me
>as I begin to pass by in the street, I look away and speed up
>from my peripheral vision, I swear I saw her look up at me
>have never driven down that street again
>have refused at least seven friend requests on fb (for the first year after I deleted her, none since)
>blocked her on messenger because she kept sending me nudes after I deleted her, so she can't message me
>have a different number, now
So, I have no definitive proof, but... I believe I have what would be a five-year-old son out there, anons. Growing up with some ugly mother in some shitty trailer park. And that's my secret - you're the only ones I've ever told, /b/ros.

>>688290567
Oh god...

>>688278909
you are in a coma

Everyone thinks I'm a good guy. My family, my friends, my colleagues and my girlfriend. Its because I used to be. But slowly my morals have all died and now I'm basically waiting for the perfect opportunity to fuck everyone over. Sooner or later everyone will hate me, or be inspired

>>688289894
As someone who has been in like 2 different situations where my feelings for someone are less than theirs

Rip off the bandaid. Do not settle, do not make her settle. You can be a lot happier, even if she's a nice and loyal girl, sometimes those aren't the ones that make us feel that once in a lifetime feeling. Corny i know. But the both of you deserve better than an unequal relationship. Go and be free.

>>688291571
Save him.

>>688291571
For fucks sake anon, how could you stick your dick in something like that? seriously!

>>688291315
You're welcome anon

>>688280026
Dude no shit I had something similar. Not quite the amount of buildup but definitely the same experience.

You can pull back regularly now though yeah? Mine takes it like a champ

>>688288511
First of all, checked.
Second, one of my co-workers lives by the phrase "Old enough to pee, old enough for me." he frequently buys the alcohol for all the sophomore or junior girls in the local high school in exchange for nudes/sexual favors.

In short, she is ready now, faggot.

>>688290750
as in when i'm drunk or shopping i occasionally go
or as in i get my breakfast and dinner from there in the second case you are a fat fuck and should kill yourself

>>688291571

you fucked up man, you fucked up really bad

>>688291571
what did you do.... poor boy

Ex girlfriend from when I was 16-21 had one of those constant shit smelling assholes or something. But she was 9/10 and I was all in love so I didn't break up with her.

You know when you wipe, you think it's clean judging by clean toilet paper, then magically somehow later you got a slight feeling your not so fresh? You wipe and you somehow acquired more shit. It's that smell she had, every time I bent her over, and sometimes you'd smell it during other positions when her ass was nowhere near my face.

A few times we were actually fucking and you could smell shit, and she would stop and start sniffing, I'd play dumb and be like what? And she would say oh nothing I just smelled something weird.

Towards the end when we were getting close to breaking up and id just hate her guts. She would work 10 hour shifts and come home and then try to fuck me and she would stink the entire room out like shit if we did. I started telling her she had to shower first, but she had that hair type that makes her look electrocuted if she goes near humidity and moisture. So she wouldn't shower until the next morning before work so she could straighten her hair as soon as she got out of the shower.

I never told anyone my long term high school sweet heart had a stinky b hole until now.

I love you guys.

>>688291571

Dont you ever feel guilty? Like, dont you feel bad about the fact you have a kid who is rotting away at a trailer park with the michellin mascot?

>>688291875
I've heard this a few times but I don't want to be hasty, she's the best girl I've ever had and I really don't know if I can do better, I just don't want to end up realising I was looking at the single life through rose tinted glasses, you know? Thanks for the advice anyway anon

>>688292579
different anon here, last 3 yrs of college i literally lived across the street from mcdonalds, got something there pretty much every day, gained 30lbs, then lost most of it when i couldnt even afford $1 menu stuff for a couple months, turns out was a good investment to get fat.

>had sex for drugs and drugs money
>had sex with a married man
>had sex in exchange for a gun
>lie to my parents and friends constantly
>plan to shoot myself soon

>>688292501
is she hot at least ? The daughter.

>>688293224
are you me

>>688293358
No, you are you.

i lurk on my exes social media with the smallest glimmer of hope that she'll be as bitter as i am now.

>>688293489
i wish i wasnt

> Live in a small village in county
> Cats wander around but theres a sort of route through my garden a lot of em use
> About a year ago I started gaining there trust
> Get them to come into my house
> I have strangled to death 4 cats so far and the village is getting suspicious of the missing cats
> Why? because i don't like cats and I can

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I shot a man in Reno
Just to watch him die

>>688290567
>like we both knew what this was

>>688292501
>In short, she is ready now, faggot.
I decide when she's ready, and then she'll think it was her idea

>>688293326
>is she hot at least ?
Why else would I be doing it, because she's so smart?

>>688280637

Bro no worries, same thing happened to me. It's a total nerves thing, nothing wrong with you.

It's shitty that she didn't stick it out and help you work through it. It is one of those things that really does get better with time, even though you'll beat yourself up about it

>>688292741
yeah poor boy he obviously would prefer not being alive

>>688290497
Go see a fucking doctor dude

I shot the sheriff, but I did not shoot no deputy.

>>688293224
sup anx, things going well for you I see

>>688290883
No way mannnnn

What's the specs on that thing?
>howlongismyschlong.com

>>688293326
What daughter? I'm not original story teller. Just gave my two cents.

>>688290541

That's not how that works you fucking queer

>>688293765
This

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i tried killing myself by driving against a truck but some way survived without even a real injury got a painful knee for 3 weeks but could use it normally
nobody knows it was a suicide attempt they all think it was a regular accident
never tried again after that

>>688293926
Hi, who are you?

>>688292043
>>688293152
>Don't you ever feel guilty?
If I didn't feel guilty at all then I probably wouldn't have posted this. Honestly, that kid's life is undoubtedly shit. But if I involved him in my life now, went and tried to claim him or some shit, I would think of how many people's lives would be affected - my family, my girlfriend's family, etc. etc. These are people I care about, and I don't feel like dragging their lives through shit because of my fuck-up five years ago. So, yeah, I feel guilty. But I definitely hope that nobody ever finds out.

>>688292259
>how could you stick your dick in something like that?
It was apparently the lowest point of my life. I'm not extremely good-looking, but all my girlfriends have ranged from 4/10 to 7/10. And I'm not some neckbeard basement-dweller, so from the time I was 16 I could pretty much get laid whenever I wanted. But the end of my relationship before all that went down was pretty terrible, and I guess it fucked me up for a while. That was the longest I went without sex since I popped my cherry, and if I ever go that long again I'll just get a real doll or something.

>>688293732
Fair enough. I suppose not every young girl dreams of being a drunk like they all do in small town Nebraska.

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>>688293502
Shes too busy being humiliated by some guy pushing her face down on his cock only letting her up air when she starts choking. Poor girl...

when i was 15 yo i hated to wear a bra so i used to stick band aids on my nipples. Sadly i can't do it anymore.

>>688294093
u know me anx dont be like that babe

>>688293765

I should have mentioned she was my first and only gf so far. Her breaking up with me left me severely insecure

>>688280637
When I was 16 my girlfriend was 15, I was a virgin she was not. But she had no experience giving blowjobs or handjobs and was too shy to do it, I was too shy to ask. We would dry hump and I'd go diamonds, by the time our clothes came off and i unwrapped a condom and got it on I'd be soft. This happened a few times a week for close to a month. Then one day I went back to kissing her and sucking her tits while I was on top of her, with a limp dick that had a condom on it. It eventually went hard and I jammed it in instantly and cheered I was finally not a virgin.

>>688294180
this is a much better story if I imagine you are a man

>>688293931
Like 7.7 inches dawg

>>688294216
I'm probably wrong, but, QG?

>>688294291
This

>>688291571
You need to get in their and help that kid anon. Hes gonna probably kill himself before hes 18 unless you do something.

>>688294323
That's no fucking screenshot

>>688294291
Then let's say i am!

>>688280026

>fem
>abusive dad
>would scream at me whenever I poop
>not sure why, he had weird control issues
>he'd time me every time I shit
>start slamming on,breaking door if it took more than four minutes
>was constipated due to poor diet
>would push as hard as possible every time to not get hit
>29, advanced case of anal prolapse
>my ass looks like pic related if I walk for more than an hour
>I have to shove it back in regularly using spit or water because I can't afford colon surgery
>no way to explain this to potential sex partners without them vomiting at the sight of me
>have to wash it with a spray jet and roommates always get mad because they think I'm masturbating as they wait for their turn in the shower
>too ashamed to explain

>>688294484
I know its muh dick.

>>688294248

How did you managed to put on the condom while soft?

I tried that, but it wouldnt fit at all. My dick is actually very thick and I learned after that experience that I have to use xl condoms.

The normal ones were so small and slippery that it was absolutely fucking impossible to put one on without being super hard

>>688282203
"How to take a screenshot" Woow, you're such a fag

>>688293719
I see you, anon

>>688293931

Yes, "no way" is a good way to describe it, since you know, its 100% fake, its a terrible photoshop
>being this new

>>688294149
>Fair enough. I suppose not every young girl dreams of being a drunk like they all do in small town Nebraska.
There are better drugs to get them ready anyway

>>688294373
kek
always about QG with you

>>688294768
Obviously not that guys.

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>>688294695

>>688294665
hey dave

>>688293167
Trust me i feel that way every time i fool some genuine person into falling in love. If you think itll grow over time, continue what you're doing. Either way is a gamble, is my point.

>>688294228
oh come on, get over it

To cheer you up: I had this problem too, with both of the woman i slept with so far (i am a long-term relationship guy, never thought i would be). The first one I solved by fucking her without condom, which was risky because she was a bit of a slut, but i literally thought fuck it. With the second one I already knew the deal so I could tell her, that I was just to excited. We tried a few times and I solved it by fapping with a condom and getting really good at putting it on fast and just thrusting it in so it wouldn't get to soft. Now it is not a problem anymore, but I guess it might be with a new girl. But you really don't want to fuck with a condom anyway. "Those days a long over" as Jim Jefferies puts it.

My gf is currently in a conservative foreign country were she is some kind of a sex wizard to the others, even though she only slept with me, and some guy there had this problem, too. She could calm the girl. It is pretty common.

>>688294975
>Actually believing I think that's real

No, THAT'S new

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>>688294834

Piss on toilet seats in public because I can

>>688295143
You've given me food for thought ayy least, thanks anon

>>688295075
Pedro

>>688294695
timestamped prolapse thx

I don't like them or anything, I just want to see if this is real

>>688295055
Photoshop. Fish eye lense

>>688295319
hey pedro, how are the nipples today

>>688282203
Hahahaahhaahha fuck off you dumb nigger, no one gives a shitn

>>688291571
Dude go get that kid.

Be like 5-6 yo fool around with neighbour girl, you show me yours I show you mine etc.

Progress to touching and kissing.

Still think of her to this day.

>>688295025
Also true. Out here you can basically get any can, bottle, or keg of whatever alcohol you could wish for. It's hard to get any form of drug though. Even pot is hard to come by, co-worker that I mentioned earlier sells his adderall, and that's about it.

>>688295426
Pink and big! Thanks for asking!

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When im in someones house, i always go to the bathroom and brush my asshole with all the toothbrushes i can find, then put they back in place
I dont know why i do that, it all started with a cousin of mine that dont wanted me anymore, then i did it to her toothbrush

>>688295046
...I'm sorry

>>688295151
My story's pretty much identical to this guy's, except I didn't cum the first 6 times I had sex with 4 different partners, I only managed to cum after the third or firth time with my current gf, and I think that was only because it was the first time I actually felt comfortable having sex, I thought I was comfortable before but I was deluding myself

>>688295064
tfw 64

>>688295501
Everybody has that.

>be like 10 years old
>she is like 4 years old, really sweet
>did not touch her or anything, but had a crush on her
>actually told a classmate and showed him on my birthday
>later realize how creepy that was
>15 years forward
>she is a stupid slut now (not to be mean, she did not go to college and is rather simple)
>stalk her on fb
>fap to her
>finally find an ugly pic of her and lose the crush

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>>688294695
Forgot pic, kinda like this

>>688291571
You should rescue him lest he face a fate worse than death.

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I love to expose myself on the Internet.

>>688295593
anytime, I'm always ready for the Pedro Nipplewatch Update

>>688295665
SOME OF US HAVE FEELINGS TOO ANX

but seriously, either apologise by posting tits or dont apologise

>>688294793
I'd put it on when it was hard but not hard enough to penetrate. I get an erection stage where it is full in size but flexible like a rubber dildo. So I would get it on try to penetrate and just have it bend. The one time I decided to leave it on and dry humped and tit sucked my way back to a full hard on again then instantly slipped it in.

I use to have this happen without a condom too, I use to ask girls to blow me then randomly tell them to jump on it which they would before it got soft.

Had it happen when I went to jump on top with no rubber and it went soft, girl was a whore, she grabbed my dick and used the head to rub all over her clit and as I started getting harder she swirled it around her vag opening where she was soaked, then it just made its way in there on its own.

You can also spend the 10 bucks in the condom isle to get one of those single use vibrating cock rings, act like your kinky and not a sexual failure and that's why you have it on hand.

>>688291571
He's either gonna grow up retarded and ugly or kill himself if you don't do anything about it.

>>688295698
lol, I did not come either, was funny, because I was nervous about coming to fast

To this day I can fuck until eternity if I don't want to come. Problem is, gf only really gets off when I do want it and then I come quite fast. Cannot come from blowjobs or her being in charge either (only came ones when she was on top), I somehow have to be the one fucking.

Similiar with you, anon?

>>688295979
that's gross but not too bad.

I'm assuming america from the fact you cant afford treatment?

>>688296120
Well, they are about to get hard in any moment now, that means it's gonna be 12:00 somewhere.

>>688295344
It's in it's hidey-hole where it belongs, thanks. I don't want it out, and I don't think the thread would survive an hour just to see a picture of my asshole making a kissyface, either.

>>688295488
Seriously.

>>688283689
What country?

My faggot internet friend pretends he's a pokemon (Dewott) in a mech suit every time i play a game with him and there's a character making session.
My secret is that i think Dewott is the sexiest thing.

>>688296324
kekked

good work pedro 10/10 my kind of imaginary man

>>688295979

Yep. Mine's less wrinkly, and more off to one side than perfectly round. It's about the same size but a little uglier. It just grows and grows until I find a room with a sink and some privacy.

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>>688278909
>At the time I was 12 years old.
>I was horny af
>At my cousins
>She was sleeping
>Grabbed her hand and me her jerk my dick off
>Put dick in her ass a little and came.

>>688296222
You wish ^^

>>688296267
Fucking hell man you just described me to a fucking tee, get out of my head

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>>688295584
You have access to the internet. Get your drugs there.

I got some bitch pregnant and haven't told my mom or family about it.

>>688296709
eh, I'll wait until you need something next
or die I guess

>>688296531
>
It's 12:00 on Dubai. Nipples don't lie.

>>688296677
Complete lies

>>688296832
if there was a way to set my watch by somebodys nipples I honestly would. I'll accept a bit of inaccuracy.

>>688296729
slight porn addiction?
interested in anal sex?

>>688297015
Only when the gf isn't around and I've cum in her ass more times than I can count, I think those two things are pretty unanimous among /b/ tards though anon

>>688297015
>everyone on /b/

Sometimes I piss in the sink.

I used to shit in the shower and cram it down the toilet.

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>>688296742
Found a decently hot chick who smokes on the daily, going to be getting shit from her. Maybe try to make something of it

>pic is related

I once masturbates to a charakter i made on dragon quest ix on my ds screen because i had made stories for each of my party members and that one was sexy so i dressed her in revealing things like a bunny outfit and jacked iff

>>688296825
Give me QG's details then

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My secret is that I watch shemale porn

>>688297207
true, but you start with the big themes and work your way from there

are you the oldest sibling / did you have to take responsibility early on in life / traumatic childhood incident?

>>688297539
I offered, you said you found another way. That offer is still open.

>>688297560
what these two said

>>688297207
>>688297242

>>688297462
Underage confirmed, get the fuck off /b/ you little shit

>>688297602
Nah, you've lost me anon, our sex lives seem to be where the similarities end

>>688291571
Nobody else get the fact he says fast forward 3 years from when he fucked her, then says he has a 5 year old son? Liars often have a hard time keeping their made up facts str8

>>688297758
ffs

>>688298109
was assuming it had something to do with being used to being in charge

>>688298121
Yeah. Fast forward 3 years and he saw the kid. It's been two years since then. Kid is now 5. It's not complicated, anon.

>>688294153
>that tear of cum
I don't know whether to laugh or feel

>Be me 20 something edgelord
>go to female friends house
>can you watch child anon while I have shower
>3 to shits herself needs diaper changing
>change diaper can't stop staring
>after she comes out shower go straight I to bathroom to fap to the sight that's embedded in my memory

>>688288973
Underrated post

>>688298281
doors open whenever you want to come in anx, up to you what happens.

>>688298495
>>688298109
samefag?

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>>688298746
Negative.

Met the love of my life when I was 21.. She is nine years younger than me.

>>688284929
How much do u charge? I want nudes of so many grills I knos

>>688298879
wait till shes at least 15-16

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>>688298746

>>688298358
Not for me at least, I was responsibility free for the majority of my young life

>>688298994
That was seven years ago.. We're now married and have a kid together.

>>688299156
Good on you anon. Will you be greentexting the divorce?

>>688284929
Evaluate the risk and depending on it invest accordingly. If you think you will eventually get caught, use the money to start something new (even just by having free time to spend) if not, continue.

Where are you from?

>>688299305
If 4chan is still at thing by then. We'll see.
To be honest with you though.. We only grow closer each day.

>>688295698
Hat similar problem but I think it was cuz I would jerk off a lot and watch porn. After I slowed down with doing that shit I had no problems. Also having them suck me right b4 helped

>>688299156
fuuck dude you won well damn gg

>>688299505
I mean getting hard not the cumming part

>>688299505
Oh yeah jerking off was a major part of it that I didn't even realise was hurting me

>>688299631
Ye didn't realize how badly it was hurting me

>>688299494
I imagine you have been married less than 2 and a half years?

>>688278909
I don't like the fact that I will die alone in an apartment and be found several days later

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I really want to fuck my best friend and have for years. We're both dudes. A lot of people think he is gay because of how he acts, and I think that he's pretty hot. I came out to him, but he said that he's straight, and doesn't know I like him.

>>688299575
Hey thanks! I feel very fortunate. There were some.. Scary times, we'll say. But I wouldn't change a thing.

>>688299793
Correct. We became engaged last year and were married just this spring.

>>688298940
depends on the case. Getting access to the Do-it-yourself interface is pretty reasonable, but if you want somebody to do all the work for you it can run into the hundreds

>>688299450
It's not that we're particularly likely to get caught, it's that if we get caught I'll be the one. I haven't taken on any work high profile enough to get serious muscle after me as far as I know.

I'm in a Country with an extradition treaty to the US.

>>688287198
Nice.

>>688300031
Be careful, she will change, make sure to adjust to that and keep an eye on what you both need, without being a faggot.