I've learned that love is not usually like in the movies,

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Tara Garrison
2016-04-01 23:10:08 Post No. 16985861
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Tara Garrison 2016-04-01 23:10:08 Post No. 16985861 [Report]

I've learned that love is not usually like in the movies, two people falling in love with each other at roughly the same time is pretty unlikely. Last two fuckbuddies I've had eventually fell in love with me and I felt that it would be dishonest to call someone I don't love my girlfriend, so I explained, "sorry, I really like you, but I don't feel that strongly about you", that was that and they eventually moved on to find boyfriends, and that was fine with me.

I eventually figured out that you don't have to be in love from the start and that most relationships start as "convenience relationships", aka fuckbuddies that cuddle, kiss a lot and abuse heart emojis while texting. I recently met a girl I had been chatting with for a couple of months irl for the first time, and she lost her virginity with me and we fell asleep cuddling afterwards. She felt that it was an amazing night and told me that she felt pretty attached to me already (we had some smalltalk earlier about how sex fills you with oxytocin and literally makes you more attached to the person you're sleeping with). I didn't (and still don't) have any strong feelings for her but I figured that convenience relationship I mentioned earlier would be a good idea at this point.

We continued chatting daily and about two weeks later, she said that she really wished this would work out but that she doesn't have feelings for me. She still really wants to meet again and sleep over though (we're talking a 3 hour train trip), and that "It's not impossible that we'd have some heat of the moment sex".

Part 1 / 2

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Rafael Mcgrath 2016-04-01 23:10:38 Post No.16985864
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Rafael Mcgrath 2016-04-01 23:10:38 Post No.16985864 [Report]

So, I feel like I could probably convince her to be my girlfriend, at the very least give it a try. I don't have any strong feelings for her so I wouldn't really take it badly if we're just done romantically/sexually at this point, but I'd prefer being with her, 'cause falling asleep cuddling with someone a few times a month is a lot nicer than being alone. I'm not sure about the moral choice here though, would it be dishonest to pursue a relationship at this point? Worth noting that she thinks I have strong feelings for her and feels kinda bad about not reciprocating them.

Part 2 / 2

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Toni Wilkinson 2016-04-02 00:10:04 Post No.16985977
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Toni Wilkinson 2016-04-02 00:10:04 Post No.16985977 [Report]

>>16985861
Hi Tara.
No, the situation you describe is quite normal. Men can be slow to form attachments to women.

You should examine and speculate on how you will both spend time together and proceed with the relationship along those lines you can envision.

Even if you have very little in common, if you enjoy her company, there's nothing objectionable to becoming more involved. You may find your attraction to her will develop over time as you become more invested in eachother.

Hope this helps.

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Joann Hogan 2016-04-02 00:10:07 Post No.16985978
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Joann Hogan 2016-04-02 00:10:07 Post No.16985978 [Report]

>>16985864
I only date when I'm not that into the girl. It avoids a lot of shit down the road and you can always walk away easily if things start falling apart.

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Olive Carroll 2016-04-02 00:20:14 Post No.16985997
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Olive Carroll 2016-04-02 00:20:14 Post No.16985997 [Report]

>>16985861
>two people falling in love with each other at roughly the same time is pretty unlikely
Strongly disagree. In seems to me to be incredibly likely based on the fact that every time I have fallen for a girl, she has fallen for me as well.

>most relationships start as "convenience relationships", aka fuckbuddies that cuddle
Since when? All my relationships have started as friendships.

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Stuart Abbott 2016-04-02 00:49:23 Post No.16986073
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Stuart Abbott 2016-04-02 00:49:23 Post No.16986073 [Report]

>>16985978
Dam I wish I had that advice 6 months ago!