![i-draw-what-its-like-to-be-in-a-long-distance-relationship-8__880[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/SQWaP5U.jpg "i-draw-what-its-like-to-be-in-a-long-distance-relationship-8__880[1].jpg")
I'm in an ldr with someone a state away. I am a server, and have very little in savings. She keeps saying it makes more sense to move up to her and then find a better job. Would it be better to find a job near me and save up for a few years, then try to transfer/find another job, or to just move up to her and struggle with rent for a while while I look for new jobs?
>>17354404
Is she not paying her own rent? Or would you not be living together? I'm confused.
>>17354410
Yeah living together. Right now we both live with our parents. She has a cushy government job, great benefits, etc. and could easily afford rent. I, on the other hand, would have to struggle at the level I'm at now.
Shitty job and living with your parents vs Shitty job and living with your girlfriend.
You know what you have to do.
>>17354425
>You know what you have to do.
Stay in the place where I can keep saving money and eventually land a better job rather than struggle through the rest of my life?
>>17354404
I would try to save up enough money that you could cover two months rent + bills and then some extra cash for food and shit. Then move in with her and find a new job. You would hopefully have enough money saved that even if you didn't find a job for several weeks, you'd be okay.
>>17354431
What's the difference between saving up while looking for a better job with your parents, and saving up while looking for a better job with your girlfriend?
Is serving tables a tough racket to break into in her area?
>>17354431
Sure.
Land that magical better job that you've been looking for.
How long have you been looking for it now?
>>17354444
You can't save money if you're entire "paycheck" is going toward rent.
>>17354451
Would she not also be paying rent? I thought you said she had a cushy job that pays great?
>>17354451
But why do you need to save money to find a better job?
Apply for jobs is free.
Hell move to your gf area, move in with her and join an agency. The people there will find you a job.
>>17354461
Adding to this -- waiting tables isn't going to help you get a better job unless you're idea of a better job is managing a restaurant.
The min. wage world is a hamster wheel.
>Girl friend wants me to move in with her in a different state.
>I want to stay at home with my parents until I find a better job.
>Then once I'm established in my better job I will quite it to move to my gf state.
So your plan is to get a good job in your state, then quite it to move to your girlfriends?
Why don't you just find this good job in your grilfriends state?
>>17354485
>>17354466
>>17354461
>>17354457
>>17354445
>>17354444
>>17354433
>>17354425
You guys are right, and so is she. I guess i'm just trying to find a reason to break up with her.
>>17354485
I feel OP is using this job thing as a mask for his deeper issue of not wanting to commit just yet.
Which is fine.
Just tell her you need time. But don't expect her to wait around forever.
>>17354493
This took a weird turn. How'd you even get to the point of entertaining this idea if you didn't want to be with her?
You're like every first world married couple. Too afraid of confrontation to leave a loveless relationship.
>>17354493
wait what.
>>17354507
>>17354515
Because we've been together for two years, and I'm not sure if I don't love her anymore or if I am just lazy or afraid of commitment or something else, and I have no idea where I would start to try and fix those things, or how to bring it up.
So, I guess I was just trying to justify not taking that step.
>>17354493
If I was you I would just take the risk.
Save up all you can, fly out their and give it ago.
Yeah you may have doubts now about commitment and the relationship but the only way to find out if these doubts have any merit is test them out.
That gives you two options;
Break up with her now then struggle to get back with if you realise you were wrong.
Or go out their and experience the full commitment of a relationship, if it falls apart it falls apart but you tried it.
Its better to try it then regret it.
>>17354541
>if it falls apart it falls apart
But at that point it can't fall apart. Then we'll get mutual routines and finances and friends and pets, and it will be too late to end it if it ever went south.
>>17354537
She lives a state away. You're not in a real relationship. You've been "together" for two years. If this relationship hasn't started taking on an adult shape at this point its never going to.
Moving closer to her won't clarify for you whether or not you love her.
>>17354551
Well she's only my second girlfriend, and my first relationship was for three years, and we were in the exact same position (only much less distance).
>>17354557
You're afraid of commitment, thats ok. There's nothing wrong with not being ready for a serious committed relationship but you have to ask yourself why for the past 5 years you've only been comfortable being with girls that you don't have to actually be with.
Don't participate in spotty, long distance, unproductive relationships and then wonder why the relationship's trajectory is spotty, long distance and unproductive.
>>17354571
What do you mean don't actually have to be with? my first girlfriend lived ten minutes away from me.
