>2 years ago,finish pre-med with 78% average, be mediocre as fuck,had to struggle to get that,extreme attention problem (could spend 2 hours on the same small paragraph without any distraction around and my mind would always wonder but whenever the exam was close,i could have an insane 12h straight hyperfocus,but i wouldn't eat or drink or get up my chair, it was "hell")+ strong lack of discipline
>get diagnosed with adhd
>Mom and oldest bro want me to go in nursing school
>During my entire life, i always let others decide for me. I always went with the flow..never truly having a goal for myself. At first they wanted me to become a physical therapist,sure,i was gonna become one.Then they decided nursing would be a better choice.Sure, i was gonna become a nurse. I was generally unhappy in life and depressed,always went with the flow not really knowing what i wanted,always extremely anxious
>Have a life changing epiphany 2 days before accepting the nursing school offer
>Do i really want to let others decide my entire life? do i really see myself working as a nurse for the rest of my life? What do i really want to do with my life?
>"This is the only life i'll ever live,i can't let others decide for me,there's a single opportunity for everything in life,once it passes,it's gone forever, every single choice you take matters,there's only a single pattern of choices that will allow you to achieve your dreams"
>I don't listen to them. I don't want to become a nurse. I don't want to regret this,i don't want other to decide what i'll be for the rest of my life
>Continued next post
>Continued
Decide i want to become a doctor or a pharmacist. FOR MY OWN SAKE and because it's what would give me the most satisfaction
>Decide to aim for medschool and pharmschool, i'll just build my work ethic during the summer. As soon as i have a good work ethic,if i can concentrate normally,i know i can make it
>I got in some shitty program in university some people i know used as a bridge to get in med or pharm. I just need to pull straight A's and straight A+'s for 3 semester and i'm pretty assured to get in
>Mom and eldest bro don't believe in me and believe i'll fail miserably.
>I ignore them
>Spend my whole fucking summer gradually radically changing myself. A first i was no different than your typical 4channer NEETwith a crippling social anxiety and non-existant self-esteem.
>But from the moment i got up to the moment i went to bed, 100% of my efforts were dedicated into changing the person i am in every fucking aspects of life
>Gradually changed values,mindset,habits,way of thinking,way of reacting to situations,way of seeing the world,way of interacting with others,EVERY FUCKING THING
>I knew i was gonna have an anatomy class during the first semester of university, i asked for the 500 page pdf to someone who used the shitty program bridge to get in dentist school
>I couldn't concentrate for shit but every single day,i spent 4 hours non-stop with no break trying to read, i didn't allow myself to be distracted by ANYTHING,even when it was friends asking me to come out or wanting to take me on a double date, Nothing came before the building of my discipline
>Continued next post
>>17094170
>Continued
>While i'm radically changing myself. For the first time of my entire life, i truly feel alive, for the first time,i truly feel happy. For the first time,i'm becoming someone and i'm loving the person i am and the person i'm becoming
>By the time university started, i could study 8 hours straight with no break. My discipline was good enough. I has stopped browsing ALL , spent 2 hours max on internet per day and i'd often spend less than an hour a day. I wouldn't touch to internet before 8pm,i'd always stop by 10 pm
>My ridiculous social anxiety kinda disappeared,i work so fucking hard on myself, it was fucking useful
>University starts, i start the adhd medication, now i can actually concentrate while being disciplined
>I stand out easily, get a 6 A+'s and a perfect gpa
>Life never felt so great, just 2 more semesters to go,i'm so glad i didn't go in nursing school,i'd be miserable.Thanks to my goals of pharm and med school i was able to change from a mediocre person to a person with plenty of potential skyrocketing
>. Mom says she always supported me, i tell her that she's lying because she was always against the idea of going into shit program and never believed in me but it's alright.-->she gets mad
>2nd semester starts
>I'm not even worried about grades anymore,i know i'll ace everything with my work ethic.I'm only focused on building mental/emotional skills + plenty of other skills i'll need. The med interviews are 1.5 year away,need to be sure i'll have changed enough to ace them so i'm working on myself full time,grades are not a concern anymore
>As expected,i ace the first half with ease stress-free
>But from march, i start getting insane fucked up symptoms similiar to a neurological disease/brain tumor.
>Continued next post
>>17094180
>The symptoms are so fucking numerous,they make my life a fucking living hell.To this day i'm amazed i was able to endure these worsening symptoms for 3 months straight
>What used to take 1 hour to do now takes 4-6 hours
>The more i study,the worse the symptoms get.
(MAJOR cognitive problems, "at worst i would hace to spend like 10 seconds on a sign saying "Don't cross this line" and reread it slowly 3 times to get it, it was like being super drunk ALL the time)
>Feels like someone is squeezing my whole brain and skull with his hands, feels like the ground is shaking,see white flashes in a COMPLETE dark room,the list goes on)
>Doctors diagnoses plenty of different things,it's never accurate
>Now,after 3 hours of low quality studying, i have to take a 5 hours break to study for an additional hour
>After a while, after 10 mins for studying,my brain is dead for the whole day
>Even tho it feels like absolute hell,even if i'm on the point of breaking down, i keep going nonstop,i was a fucking warrior from the moment i wake up to the moment i pass out
>symptoms gradually went away during the last 2 weeks of the semester but i was fucking broken. (Dealing with that shit all alone+ family drama that fucked me up)
>Still manage to stand out from the rest even in these horrible conditions (i was just a fucking warrior)
>My gpa lowers of 0.13 points. I believe it is 100% the end
>Continued next post
>>17094191
>Continued
Something you need to know is that i have a medical condition that recquires me to go through "extreme pain" (Well extreme for me because nothing in my life hurt that much) for like 30 mins every single morning if i want to go out. It feels like needles are stabbing your whole fucky body for like 20 mins and then the pains gradually stop
Even if you don't go out,you'll have to do it at least once every 3 days. The more you wait the more intense the pain will be
That medical condition + all the medics i was using for it + my fucked up symptoms= Hell cocktail. It really fucked me up
I stay a NEET during summer. For some reason that living hell fucked me up really badly. I'm semi depressed, don't live my room,don't eat much,don't go out much. The longer i stay a NEET, the more i lose all the stuff i had built (mindset,habits blabla) and i start regressing back to the mediocre college "Old me" i used to hate.
I stopped taking all my medications,the symptoms were still there even after a month but 10x less intense. I did a Ct-scan to make sure i didnt have a brain tumor or anything. Everything was clean
Eventually the symptoms stop. The doctor tells me his theory about the cause:
"Vyvanse+ other medics for medical condition+ insomnia+ the ppainful stuff you do every morning+ other factors like the lack of nutrition or hydratation-->over a long term your body will accumulate so much fatigue and won't get time to recover-->it'll cause these symptoms)
Okay fair enough. Now the 3rd semester is 1.5 month away. I get back my drive ,rebuild everything i had built (mindset,discipline,values,become outgoing again,etc)and even go stronger this time. I understood some things about life i wouldn't have understood if this shit hadn't happened to me, things are going to be even brighter than before........Until..
>Continued next post
>>17094195
People on here dont tend to answer this kinda stuff
You might wanna consider asking somewhere else.
I'm not going to read a fucking essay in greentext. Paragraphs motherfucker.
