My girlfriend of 6 months doesn't want sex. No oral, no hand, no vaginal. Nothing. Her sex drive is almost 0, in fact I tried to "test" her since I was the one always making sexual advances. To this day, we've gone 5 weeks without sex. FIVE. WEEKS. And she hasn't had even the slightest inkling to touch my dick.
I know she loves me, she prepares meals for me, she goes shopping and gets stuff for me, she even moved locations to be with me. But what the hell she won't even give me a handjob. It's pathetic.
What do I do? we're obviously not sexually compatible, because the only reason I'm able to keep my sanity is by jacking off while she is asleep or while she is cooking. Please give me advice before she becomes the mother of my children and I don't have sex for all eternity.
and you may ask why I'm with her? physically she's a 9/10. I've had guys stop us on the street to get her number if we weren't a couple.
>>16933875
>and you may ask why I'm with her? physically she's a 9/10. I've had guys stop us on the street to get her number if we weren't a couple.
Her physical beauty means absolutely nothing if she doesn't put out. Staying with her makes absolutely no sense. You can try talking to her about it, but if she still refuses to compromise, you're over.
I'm sorry OP, she's fucking someone else.
>>16933880
Not necessarily. It's possible that she's asexual, has past trauma, is saving herself for marriage, or is a closet lesbian. It could be anything. Regardless, they're not compatible.
>>16933875
>before she becomes the mother of my children
Are you planning on adopting?
Leave her.
She is there for what you provide her (food, home, shelter, a stable living environment). She isn't fulfilling your basic needs a man.
Woman leave all the fucking time because they feel sexually incompatible or that "the spark" is gone. For you? It doesn't sound like the spark was ever there.
Don't fucking force yourself into a miserable relationship because you think this girl checks off every other box on the perfect girlfriend list besides "is willing to have sex with you" as that is kind of an important aspect to a relationship.
At the very least if you aren't willing to leave her you need to confront her. If it has really been five weeks you should say something. Maybe she has a valid reason, but most likely she doesn't and didn't know how much you are bothered by the current situation.
Speak up or leave. There is no alternative where she just wakes up tomorrow and wants to bone you all day, everyday.
Love has a physical aspect to it, preparing meals, going shopping, and moving aren't love. They are something hired help or a friend can do. You are with this woman because you want to be with her body and soul. She doesn't "owe you" anything but that doesn't mean you owe her anything either. You don't need to bend over backwards to make this girl's life wonderful when she won't even give you the courtesy of sleeping with you.
Seriously, it sounds like you are either being used or she is asian and has some SERIOUSLY repression//frigidity problems.
I reiterate, speak up or leave.
>>16933880
Really don't think that's the case because when we moved we moved into a new apartment and didn;t work for a full month straight before starting our jobs, and we were next to each other for those full 4 weeks for every single second besides going to shit in the bathroom. We had no sex at that point either for 28 days until I confronted her before going to sleep one night. She started getting watery eyes and told me she doesn't know why she doesn't want sex. I went to sleep and an hour later turned towards her and we fucked, but that was some terrible pity sex. She couldn't even get wet so we used lube....
Sex drive is an indicator of general health. If she has zero sex drive then she may possibly harbor an health disorder. This is something she should talk about with a doctor.
>>16933890
>She started getting watery eyes and told me she doesn't know why she doesn't want sex. I went to sleep and an hour later turned towards her and we fucked, but that was some terrible pity sex. She couldn't even get wet so we used lube....
Is she on birth control? That, and having a hormonal imbalance, can turn off her sex drive. I was able to get help with my current doctor who took the situation seriously. She may have to do the same, unless she's just asexual.
>>16933890
Now it makes sense.
Dude she's pining for the guy she left to be with you. She isn't in love with you. She chose him or you, it was you and she regrets it.
She'll leave soon. Either you end it or she will.
>>16933875
>she's a 9/10
>prepares meals for me, she goes shopping and gets stuff for me, she even moved locations to be with me
>doesn't want sex
dude it sounds like she fucked someone else and is guilt ridden about it.
>>16933901
>Dude she's pining for the guy she left to be with you. She isn't in love with you. She chose him or you, it was you and she regrets it.
You're really reaching there, anon.
>>16933888
The thing is, she provided me with food, home, shelter, and a living environment where we met in Germany. I was there just for vacation right after university and we hit it off. I went back there a year later and stayed with her for 3 months (as long as a visa wasn't required) and she basically paid all rent, all food, made all meals, everything. But of course I couldn't stay in Germany, so she came to the US because her father is American and she already had US/German citizenship. We bought our place together and we split the rent evenly, plus she does all chores and cooks/cleans.
So yeah, dunno.
She just has 0 sex drive and I'm dying. Jacking off at night is honestly not pleasing when I have a fit blonde chick sleeping in the bed just 10 feet away.
>>16933890
Sounds like she may be frigid or asexual.
Sorry man, that fucking sucks. It sounds like she was perfect in every other way. This really is a deal breaker though. It is totally not worth living your entire life with a woman who will only fuck you once in a blue moon and even then will be visibly not enjoying it.
Confront her, ask if she will see a doctor about it, otherwise say you need some time to re-evaluate your relationship and ask her to move out.
>girlfriend doesn't want sex
>SHE'S FUCKING SOMEONE ELSE, OP
To automatically come to this conclusion, when it's most likely related to physical and/or mental health, is fucking retarded. Jesus Christ.
>>16933907
welcome to /adv/
>>16933902
nailed it
>>16933904
Just promise me you will at least bring it up to her in the next few days and maybe suggest seeing a doctor?
You seem like a really nice guy and it makes me sad to think that you may end up throwing it all away on a girl who is perfect in every way except in one of the most important facets of a relationship. She has done a lot for you, and you've done a lot for her.
Don't make the decision to confront her or stay with her based on "oh but she did x, y, and z for me once". Think about you and her in the here and now.
Do you genuinely want to be with a woman who doesn't want to be with you sexually?
Do you genuinely want to be with a woman who won't at least make an effort to solve the problems with her sex drive?
Please anon, talk to her. Make it clear how much this is bothering you. Don't let this kind of thing fester or just settle and be miserable for 40 years of sexless marriage.
It is a vicious cycle when you feel entitled to sex or claim problems based on your definition of normal. Are you doing anything to try to improve the situation? Anything worth knowing that you think might show her perspective or flesh out her character for us? There isn't much point in another 'grubbing woman steals youth, potential, safety from bear, other man and shelter from stronk man while refusing sex part of ancient bargain, should cast out to die of exposure? '
Maybe she is home sick.
>>16933919
How to spot a biased female's post: the post.
Woman are supposed to have sex with their husbands, it is how the world keeps on turning and we keep getting new human beings.
The stork isn't real.
She should talk about her lack of sex drive with a specialist. You should gather more information on the problem. For example did she always lack a sex drive? Is it something recent? Is there a stressful or traumatic event that precede a change in her sexual appetite? Did she started taking a new medication? What about masturbation, did she have masturbation habits in the past? Does she have masturbation habits now? Is she confident in her sexual orientation? What does she thinks about during sex, does it help to have longer foreplay, does it help to give her a long massage? If she had to write a romantic sex scene that she would enjoy, what would she write and how could you act it out? You need to figure out more information and you need to bring it to a specialist. This is a complex problem with too many variables.
OP here, I will talk to her tomorrow afternoon or something.
Honestly she might be asexual. I didn't think a human being could have a disinterest in sex but it seems that over 1% of people just don't feel anything.
fucking sucks.
anyway, thanks guys.
>>16933938
Just make sure you follow through man, don't just say you will then put it off because it makes her uncomfortable or it makes you uncomfortable.
You need to force the discussion whether she wants to have it or not. If every time you confront her she gets "watery eyes" and tells you she doesn't know what is wrong, so you stop pressing her... nothing is going to happen.
That 5 weeks will rapidly turn into 5 months, which will turn into 5 years, which will turn into a loveless marriage, which will turn into divorce.
Set aside time to do it tomorrow, no matter what.
>>16933938
asexuality is not real. lack of sex drive = physiological and/or psychological impairment. it is not natural for a species that relies on sexual reproduction to not experience sexual urges. "im asexual" is a lot easier to say to a partner than "im not attracted to you". if she gives a shit about you or the relationship, she will seek medical attention.
>>16933938
Remember, asexuality is not a classification of human beings. It's just a word for someone who doesn't feel sexual. It doesn't mean it's a default natural state. It could be how she feels naturally and it could be caused by something else. It's better not to assume anything. She could lack a sex drive because of an hormone imbalance, because of a medication, because of a traumatism of some kind, and so on. I recommend that you investigate deeply into the problem and consult a specialist. Good luck my friend.
Did she want sex at the beginning of the relationship? Has it always been like this?
Thank fuck you aren't married. 5 weeks out of 6 months? I've had two long live together share everything relationships (I'm in my 30's) and both of them went at least 3 years before it started to slow down a little.
Is she completely nuts? Did she move to America and buy a house and do basically every adult life goal within 6 months because she is damaged as hell and trying to fix something? She might be internally going through some serious shit bruv.
Also she might have NEVER wanted sex with you because shit has always been like this. You haven't said.
Also why does everyone keep saying she is his wife? OP says girlfriend. Why do people keep saying "it is a wives job to have sex with her husband". Lol enjoy reality
Once I got out to around year 7 I enjoyed the mental fuck ass behaviour which was our sex life because it was all that encouraged me to want to fuck her. It was like trying to erotically trick one another. I also enjoyed when we got together and we fucked 6+ times a day for the first year. I enjoyed the break up, shit is all about attitude.
I mean, all these old fashioned values and attitudes being thrown around, but I bet nobody is going to have separate beds, turn in for an early night to read the bible and slap your wife when she is hysterically shrieking after she drops a plate while you shake your head and mutter about the Peterson account.
>>16933919
>you feel entitled to sex
>from your girlfriend
It's pretty much implied that they're there to fuck each other, femanon. That's the whole POINT. He IS entitled to sex, otherwise they're roommates.
>>16934087
>I bet nobody is going to have separate beds
No
>turn in for an early night to read the bible
Yes
>and slap your wife
Yes
>when she is hysterically shrieking after she drops a plate
No
>while you shake your head
Yes
>and mutter about the Peterson account.
No, the big problem @ work is the Henderson acct.
OP, I stopped having sex with my ex because of my birth control and he wasn't being understanding. At the time I didn't realize it was the hormones in my birth control that was making me this way until after we broke up and i went off it.
I've never had sex with my wife since before getting married about 8 months ago
Fuck, I am having this same problem but on the other side (not the 9/10 thing though) I have no sexual desire or attraction towards the guy I'm seeing and I wouldn't do him if I had the choice, but I'm too comfortable to do anything about it.
Also he's really into me so breaking up would probably break his heart.
Regarding your issue though, have you tried talking to her about her kinks and things like that? Maybe she just needs more foreplay or something like that. There is a reason she's staying with you.
>>16933875
Either she's depressed or having a sexual experience with another. In a relationship, if you're not having sex, you're just glorified roommates.
You should find someone sexually comparable with you cause right now, you're just friends.
>>16933875
anon you have to have sex to have kids
Hi op, I had this same problem..still am sort of. Except I'm the one without a sexual drive. My bf and I have been together 4 years and while I was slightly sexual in the beginning, I have almost nothing now.
That being said, communication in this type of situation is extremely important. If you both want the relationship to work, you have to talk out your feelings about the situation and not give up when she says she doesn't know why.
Also, explore other ways to make it work. I've seen some people that go to others for sex while still staying with their s/o for the relationship portion. I'm not saying this will work for you or that she will be okay with it but it is an option as long as you can have good communication with her whilst doing it.
Personally I watch porn, it doesn't do much for me but it gets me a bit more sexual feeling than how I normally am and gives me a bit of drive to have sex. My boyfriend and I have also made an agreement to have sex at least once a month just for the fact of compromise.
You have to figure out what works for you and your girlfriend. Some people naturally have low sex drives. In my case it sucks and I hate it but I haven't been able to see a doctor yet. A doctor may also help.
If she is unwilling to compromise in any way then it may be time to leave if you feel sex is a vital part of your relationship. But make sure you try all options first if you really want to stay together.
Good luck op, I wish you the best
You guys arent compatible. There is no point staying together as a couple if she does not fill your sexual desire. Relationships are built upon mutual fulfilment and trust and Im sure you guys trust each other just fine but there is a lack of fulfilment in your life which is clearly thought provoking as you felt the urge to create this post. Sorry dude. She not 5 you
>>16933875
>>16933879
>>16933888
Why does everyone think relationships are only about sex if that's all it was then why even call it a relationship an not just a fuck buddy
>>16933938
When you have sex, does she enjoy it? She might not be asexual, just very reactive rather than proactive. Lots of women are like that, they need stimulation before they want sex. Like, I don't think about sex at all until my boyfriend initiates but then I'm all on board for that. I've tried getting myself in the mood enough to initiate convincingly but it just doesn't work out. I don't think that's asexual. Your gf might be similar and you're just stuck initiating, sorry OP.
I have 0 libido right now (woman) and I used to have a really strong one. I'm taking the same birth control I took in my last relationships so I don't think it's that. I don't know if I'm just not attracted to him or if something is wrong with me. I'm thinking of seeing a doctor about it, right now I'm experimenting by going off the pill. Have your gf see a doctor
Hey man don't worry about it. I have been with a girl who is exactly the same way and has absolutely no sex drive. Honestly I still don't get as much sex as I want, but I get a good fuck once every 3-4 days. You have to chanmge your approach and go about having sex in a different way. What I did was to stop asking for sex and making it happen. Once women hear that you want sex and they are just supposed to give it ypu; they get severly turned off. Try finding out what her fantsies are, no matter how nasty they are. if you work from there then you will eventually get to what you want. if you are really desperate and you need sex right away, try showing her this thread. She will realize you are trying hard. Try easing into it, instead of going for it. For women foreplay is key and that is there sex. You need to change it up. You need to realize that she may not be the problem. HAVE FAITH BRO!.
>>16935214
Would you let your bf to go for a prostitute? I'm the kind of guy who only really uses prostitutes for sex (no risk of romantically cheating) and practices safe sex (no chance of AIDS, low risk of other STDs.
If I were your bf or OP, I'd propose that to my gf.
>>16933886
That wqs good haha
>>16935267
No, I would immediately break up with them. If anything it'd make me not even want to TRY like I am right now. I'd be fine with them using porn. Right now I still give him oral and handjobs, it's just not interesting for me. Sex is not able to happen because I can't get wet at all
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