I've had a terrible relationship history. The short version is that my first ex was brutally physically abusive, and the ones that followed, while most weren't violent, fucked me over in some other way (cheating, verbal abuse, yelling, breaking my shit, etc.) Recently, I became cynical about relationships and quit for a long time. I figured I'd die alone. I was fine with that, and was putting my energy into my education, career, and social life.
But then this fucker drops out of the sky and changes all of that. He's so considerate, I'd call it borderline genius. I've never met such an empathetic, caring person. I have a crippling chronic illness. Long story. He not only cares, which is new for me, but he goes out of his way to make things easier on me, or to make my life more normal where he can, because he knows it's important to me. Who does that? He's extremely supportive of me in every way.
He spends a lot of time on the road, because of his job. While he's out, we're in constant contact. I'm a student, so if I'm available, we talk on the phone. If not, we text. He helps me study, even if he can't pronounce most of the words. He's principled, ambitious, fun, gentle, and it seems to take a lot to make him angry, because I've spoken to him all day on his job, heard everything go wrong, and he's chill as hell.
"Okay, what's the problem?", you ask. I'm just thinking something ain't right. Who's like that? Doesn't that old saying go "If you think it's too good to be true, it probably is?" What if all of this is all just some kind of manipulation? I mean, in the right light, it could look like it. And isn't all fucking day a lot to talk? I don't mind, but it's odd. He's a bit possessive. He calls me "mine" a lot, and happily chases off other guys, though only with my permission. Maybe I'm so used to being treated like shit from my bad decisions in the past, I just expect it now.
Well, /adv/? Am I being paranoid? If so, how do I trust after all that?
Actually i'm in a very similar situation. I think we should just go with it and enjoy the ride. If it's just a mask and truly "too good to be true", i will deal with it the moment i find out. I don't want to taint the presence with worries that might not even have a reasonable ground.
Take the chance. Until you know something's wrong, it could just be your mind playing tricks. Regret for not having a go at something is always worse than trying and failing.
>>16910635
Yeah, that's the plan, right now. I'm just kind of at a point where I'm getting really wrapped up in this guy, and I really, really don't need another fucked up relationship experience under my belt. I'm trying to make a lot of my life in very little time, and my time and energy are rather precious.
But yeah, sometimes, time is the only way to know. I do like to see this shit coming, though.
Oh, here's one red flag: I got "I love you" in a week, a proposal in just over a month. He's a bit old-fashioned, but that's a tad extreme. We're also both in our mid 20's.
>>16910648
Well, i think part of learning how to lead a good relatio ship when you had a bad start is to just try over and over again without getting bitter or build too many walls. I was DETERMINED to never try again and as in your case, this mofo came out of nowwhere, being all lovely and shit. Sometimes i still can't believe he's being serious. But it's been 5 months now and his self never cracked or crumbled. Now i'm starting to wonder how long it will take me to finally believe that he IS "too good to be true".
I don't think a good relationship would hold you back op. You might shift the focus of your time to quality over quantity. That's what i do with my bf. We are semi-ldr and can meet for an one day every week. We just dedicate that day solely to spending quality time and so far it works great.
How long have you been with your bf? How did you meet him?
>>16910662
I agree about learning to not hold onto things or make it let you put up defenses, and god, I've got Donald Trump masturbating at my ability to put up walls. It's hard for me not to do, just because I'm not really a people person anyway, and I hate how vulnerable giving a crap makes you. It was the same for me. I had a list of reasons as long as my arm why I shouldn't be in a relationship, many of which were things wrong with me as much as other people. Then he dropped out of the sky, when I was going through some bad shit in my life, and I didn't stand a chance. He's everything I like in a man inside and out, and, so far, a ridiculously good person. I'm probably an ass for second guessing the guy. I'm just anxious when it comes to letting anyone "in", and he's building such high hopes that I just know it's gonna be shit if they're destroyed.
We're semi-ldr too. He's a tanker truck driver. He can only have semi-ldr's, because he's in a different state by the day. He's not local, so his job actually makes things easier on us, and it's how we started. I'd known him online for years from a music board. One day, he says "My job's sent me to your city. Wanna grab dinner?" I'd been dodging dick like the fucking Matrix but, for whatever reason, I agreed. Now, the first thing I do every morning when I wake up is check my phone to see if he's texted or called. That scares me.
It hasn't been long. Two months. That's why I'm still scared. This shit is moving really fast. In my experience, the mask starts to come off after six months or so, and all of my suspicions are usually confirmed.
He's married.
Op, have you talked to him about your worries? Try bringing it up and seeing his response.
>>16910737
You're hilarious.
That's the one thing I'm not worried about. He's gotten me to talk to his friends, his parents, and his coworkers. I'm attending their next big family get-together. He tells everyone about me and we're on the phone from the time we wake up to the time we go to bed, if he's driving and I'm not in class.
>>16910748
A little. I've told him that I find it hard to believe he doesn't have some huge, major flaw, just waiting to fuck shit up. I've said I don't trust anyone until I've seen them angry, because I know what anger can do to a person. I've told him that I tend to bring out the worst in people. Stuff like that.
How do you tell someone you're afraid that they're manipulating you so they can get you wrapped around their little finger and then beat you or fuck your head up? Where would I even start, to tell him the full extent of this?
Obviously he has some dark, black secret he's hiding away.
Why else would he treat you so good? Because he likes you?
Nah, cause he has something fucked up hidden and maybe if he's nice enough to you you can overlook it and spread his seed.
>>16910761
The same guy that choked me unconscious while telling me how happy he was I was gonna die that night later said "How could someone hurt someone like you?" while looking me dead in the eye, knowing what he'd done.
Pardon me if I don't trust "because he likes me" so much. I've got relationship sob stories to keep old spinsters watching my new Lifetime movies for years.
You're not wrong with your sarcasm, though... I'm well aware this could be 100% in my head, which is why I'm here asking you all as opposed to running.
>>16910781
Is his name Morgan?
>>16910812
Nope.
Wallace.
>>16910781
>The same guy that choked me unconscious while telling me how happy he was I was gonna die that night later said "How could someone hurt someone like you?" while looking me dead in the eye, knowing what he'd done.
>>16910618
You're being guarded and alert. You haven't put your guard down with this fella yet so you have questions about his character.
Every relationship is new and unlike the other. Give it a chance and let him prove he's good, that's the whole point of relationships. When you are ready you can trust him and take your walls down.
The biggest mistake is to think he's like your bad exes, he may be, you have to observe and give him a a chance.
>how do I trust after all that?
after all what? you have dated how many guys? out of how many billion? do you think you're trustworthy? what's the probability it's just you? paranoid
>proposes after one month
fuck that. you're both crazy.
>>16910618
no nothing abnormal here you are just doing your average dating strategy called 'ALPHA FUX BETA BUX". almost every girl is like this and they spend their youth riding the cock carousel with the bad boys and date the nice guys after she had her fun.
>>16910964
Yeah, that's the strategy. I'm trying my best not to let the anxiety bleed over into the thing. We'll see. I can't not give him the benefit of a doubt.
Can't say I won't run at the first sign of trouble.
>>16910940
I'm not talking about numbers. I haven't dated that many. It's just that they were all really shitty experiences. The first was straight up fucking traumatic and I never came back from that.
And I totally agree about the proposal thing. That's part of why I'm freaked out.
>>16910918
I've never been into bad boys. My worst ex was someone I played D&D with, who worked hard at his job and never even drank. I'm not exactly boning dindu crack dealers over here, no.
>>16910964
Oh, and I'm working toward an M.D., so I'll make more money than he ever will trucking. I give no fucks about that.
Welcome to the beta bux.
Don't reveal how big of a whore you were before you met him and you'll never lose him. Well at least until you decide he's boring you and decide to start cheating.
>>16911181
Hahahaha, keep'em coming.
Show me where on the doll the girl ignored you.
