How do I stop ghosting people? Always when I make friends with someone I avoid them completely, I made a friend in university and then stopped going and blocked his number. I also have the urge to delete and block my only online friend and often feel like he dislikes me. What can I do against that?
>>16903309
Seems like you're just a spiteful dumb fag who likes to think his absence hurts or affects people.
The only cure for this is a hot dick.
>>16903322
Don't be gay just because he posts anime you thirsty fuckboy
>>16903313
But it doesn't hurt other people at all, atleast I don't think so. I try to disappear completely, like I said, I even stopped going to university. My absence doesn't affect other people, I always leave when the friendship is still really shallow.
>>16903322
Disgusting.
>>16903309
Not do the destructive actions. It takes constant, consistent effort, and monitoring of yourself, but eventually you will start to develop a relationship with the person and the desire to avoid will become manageable, and passive rather than forced. If you lack the control of yourself to forcibly resist those inclinations when they arise, there is little that advice will do to help.
>oh this dude is texting me again
>fuuuck I really don't wanna deal with this guy right now
>but I will anyways because I'm his friend
Your initial thought is not what defines you, it's the action you take. Feel free to think whatever you want, but act in a friendly way no matter how you feel about it.
You're a selfish asshole.
Come to terms with it and the fact that you'll never change.
Problem solved.
>>16903337
If you genuinely mean that, then I have no idea why you detach yourself from people entirely. Enjoy your loneliness though.
I think that you're afraid of getting hurt, so the only solution your mind makes is to not be anyway, so nobody can hurt nothing, right? It might be a hunch though.
It's like not putting bets in poker, because you're afraid to lose. But let me ask you, how are you having fun if you're not betting? You're too scared to be hurt so you can't win anything at all. In fact, if that's your reasoning, I think you're hurting yourself way more than by betting.
The loneliness will bite you in the ass. In that sense, isn't it more interesting to be hurt by someone than to feel nothing at all? When people hurt you, it means they at least care about you, even if it's just trying to make you feel bad. You're being acknowledged.
Just accept that there will be good and bad people in the world, don't let the negative feelings dominate.
>>16903339
But I'm always happy to see people texting me etc. I love to talk with my online friend for example, but still feel like I should delete him all the time. I really liked the guy I talked with in university too, we had fun and serious conversations, sometimes I got spergy and he still talked with me. But in the end I ghosted him too. The other people aren't bothering me at all.
>>16903342
I try to change atleast, giving up on it will be my end I guess.
>>16903343
That is the thing I don't know either, because of that I made this thread, to get help and advice. And lonelyness isn't enjoyable at all, you always hit deeps which will make you extremely depressed and suicidal.
>>16903354
Do you even have friends? You sound obnoxious.
>>16903352
I never really got hurt by other people, atleast I think so. People also rarely have interest in me, I had a group of friends in school for example, but we never did anything after school, atleast I was never part of it. I am just "there" in a way, people know me, but they rarely want to do something with me, even if I try to interact with them. And yeah, you are right about the lonelyness, it is a terrible feeling but I still do this self destructive stuff.
>>16903365
I have one online friend I talk daily with and a "best" friend, but he is moving forward in life and has his own circle of friends, so I stopped bothering him. I don't really have friends at all I suppose. And yeah, I'm pretty obnoxious I guess, I'm also not really fun either.
>>16903389
I'll be your friend anon hmu anytime m8.
>>16903389
>>16903389
>i suck and not even i can think of a reason anyone would want to be around me
why should i try to help you get friends? i'm not a misanthropist
>>16903397
>hates himself
>>16903309
Stop over analyzing what others may think of you, there's simply no way for you to know unless you talk to them and actually ask them what they think about you or something about you.
Why?
Because to be able to read people requires a lot of social experience and intuition which you clearly lack.
Pick one or two of your hobbies and interests and search for groups and events about that stuff in your area and go to their gatherings and events to meet new people. They're usually very welcoming and it'll be easy to talk to them because you can just talk about whatever the gathering, club or event is about.
>>16903397
I'm not really in search of friends, I would rather try to find a solution for my problem. Making friends while still behaving like that won't help at all.
>>16903400
I'm sorry anon, this thread will die later on. I hope I don't bother you too much with it for now. You should hide it I guess, atleast you won't have to see it anymore. I can sage from now on if you want.
>>16903402
I already went to the artist critique club of our university for example, but it doesn't help at all. Social interactions aren't really my problem either, I never have problems etc. when someone talks with me or I want to talk with someone else. And I never thought that I can read people, I'm unable to do it. Like I said, I seem to suddenly ghost people out of the blue.
I do pretty much the exact same shit. I'm not even in university anymore, I'm almost 30.
Whenever someone gets too close to me I start avoiding and ignoring them. I don't think there's one single reason for this, it feels like a combination of my personality (I need outrageous amounts of alone time) and the fact that I take AGES to actually start trusting someone and being comfortable around them. Like, I need casual daily interaction with someone for AT LEAST a year before I stop feeling awkward about hanging out with them outside of work. And if someone ramps up the socializing too fast I turn my phone off, lock the door and close the shades so they won't see I'm at home.
I guess I don't have to tell you that I don't have a lot of close friends. But then again, I'm pretty okay with this.
>>16903455
This.
However, once we hit 40 or 50, life could become a lonely mess.
You essentially at this point sound like a special snowflake type who distances himself to BE miserable.
Stop being so self involved.
>>16903389
I think you're used to your position as being the one who isn't really special. You never learned to bond with someone. I know people like you. Just when it gets interesting and you get to show more of yourself, you close up.
Is that it?
If so, it's exactly like I said before, you're afraid of getting hurt once people get to know the real you.
>>16903455
I'm not really okay with this, so I try to change it. But like you said, you don't have a lot of close friends, but atleast some, right? They probably make it much more bearable. Having no one at all makes you incredibly depressed, especially if you know that you are actually the problem.
>>16903496
I'm a special snowflake I guess, otherwise I wouldn't behave like that. And I don't really know if I want to be miserable, atleast I never thought, but I could actually think that subconsciously.
>>16903562
That could actually be it, I think that I'm a pretty generic person and don't really have to offer anything to someone when it comes to friendship. I bonded with my best friend in kindergarten, but besides him I never had real personal contact with someone else. So maybe you could be right about that and I actually don't want to be hurt. Do you have any tips how I can change my behaviour?
>>16903596
It's also pretty clear you're kind of a shit person because you constantly post anime with your replies too. Call it armchair psychology but you're kind of a low key attention where who likes to be miserable. Tips on how to change who you are you won't find here, it's not a thing you can learn how to do from strangers.
I'm male have a female friend who does something similiar, when she is in bad mood she just stop contacting me for a week or two and then she feels guilty about it and it's hard for her to talk to me again. I still really like her despite that, but it's hard to her to realize that I think
>>16903596
I have three close friends, two of whom I regularly interact with. That covers all of my social needs except for when it comes to intimate/sexual stuff since they're both male and I'm not attracted to guys (maybe traps, but both of my friends are fairly masculine, regular dudes).
So I dunno. If you're unhappy with your current situation you should definitely try to change it, but I have have caused myself a lot of unnecessary pain by trying to be something I'm not. I am not very social. I am not good with females. By all means, pursue what you feel is the right thing right now, but please stop banging your head against a brick wall if it doesn't work out.
I'm almost 30 with three close friends. That's ONE compatible person every ten years or so. Just keep doing what makes you happy, and be nice and friendly to other people. Best of luck.
>>16903596
As some already have suggested, it's perfectly fine to be yourself, if you don't have a problem with it. You don't need to change into the intimate popular type, because that's what most people like.
Why are you scared of being boring? Where does that fear come from. Did you never excell at anything at all? I think you're interesting, because I've seen people like you at my school, and I always wondered what's in their mind. They seem to be scared when they have to show a bit more of themselves. When people ask them to do something, they refuse to come, or they only go when many other people are there. Nobody really disliked these people, but nobody ever really liked them too.
How do you see other people? Do you think they're super interesting? If that's what you think, I think you're surprised how boring most people are. What do you consider an interesting person? Someone who has a lot of friends? Someone who parties a lot? Someone who has a lot of stories to tell?
I mean, what constitutes "interesting"? Aren't we all faking our personalities? In the end, we all eat, shit and sleep. Why are you so scared?
>>16903352
>When people hurt you, it means they at least care about you
I don't understand this.
If you care about someone then surely you try your best NOT to hurt them?
>>16903944
Caring, in the sense of, they care what happens to you. If people are disintereted in you, they couldn't care less and would not bother.
bump, not OP but in a similar situation
>>16903610
Maybe he is from /a/ but who knows
>>16903596
OP, look... try to do something which your "friends" have in common. For e.g I work in a large corporation and I manage a small team of 9 people. I had a bit of trouble getting to know people better in the team and making them feel comfortable working with me. I looked like they enjoyed playing ping pong and I started playing as well. After some weeks I was really good at it, we held small tourneys around the company etc. Now we are very close friends get togheter on weekends play some basketball or some fighting games (just my luck, I love fighting games). Anyway just reach out to them see what they like, try it yourself and see if you like it as well if not well, keep watching them animes...
its a form of a defense mechanism/protection. you dont want them to find out a specific character trait about you or youre afraid of them not talking to you etc. figure out the underlying reason and fix it. and if its a trust issue then you have to understand youll be set up for disappointment all of the time so do your best to trust others (not complete retards).
>>16905627
This guy speaks the truth, I say this coming from the same issue as OP.
I don't think I know the exact answer even for my own case, but I really feel it built up over the years.
I had a really normal elementary school.
In middle school, I never got physically bullied, but I got made fun of pretty often because I was rather scrawny. Even then, I looked actively for some people to be friends with. Most people just shunned me for whatever reason, but to be honest there were a lot of little groups in the class I was in and I wasn't certainly part of their interests. I made three good friends, three of them moved to another city (yeah, sucks) and the other turned into a complete ass during the last year I was on that school. He was really cool to have around, I'll never know what happened to him. Puberty, maybe. One of the people who moved actually didn't go too far away, and he'd call me over when he came visit his grandmother to go out or play some games. Eventually my mother didn't like that he only called whenever he was here so we could gather (her logic was that he shouldn't be calling to just come over but also to send regards from time to time, dumbass logic mom that's not how children work) so we never picked up the phone whenever he called again. As for my childhood elementary school and street friends, one moved to another city as well, other two we just slowly drifted away from each other over time (we still invited each other on our birthdays but clearly we didn't really share the same interests anymore) and another bunch I lost contact with because I moved to a different house and because children are dumb neither me or them kept contact info.
>>16905754
>I made three good friends
Four, had a brain fart. The next sentence wouldn't make any sense anyway.
On highschool I got acne of the really shitty kind from beginning to end, and while people didn't really bother me for it I feel like it affected how others saw me. Again, I wanted to be friends with people but this time I never really managed to get something going. There were some classmates I spent some time around with but it never got past that. Very, very occasionally we gathered at someone's home. Other times I invited people over and most of them never came for one or other reason. Once I tried inviting them over and after calling the third person I realized they were all gathered on another guy's house because you could hear their voices in the background. Next week I told him about it at school and he got red like a tomato. Oh well. I ended getting along really well with people from another class, we did some fun stuff together but after school it all died pretty quickly, at least from my side. Perhaps because by that time I had already began to distance myself from others.
I'm in college now and everything's going smoothly. Except of course for the lack of social interaction. The last person to keep contact with me was one of the guys from highschool who still kept in touch for whatever reason, even though I never started any conversations on my own. The last time he did was about a month ago but I decided I wouldn't answer again. I always did though. But some of the latest encounters had left a bad taste in my mouth (not really going to enter into detail this time because I'm getting tired of typing this post).
>>16905762
I know, this is bloggy as hell but I only post it because maybe, just maybe, it'll help OP or somebody else recall what made themselves the person they are today.
In college a girl I banter a lot with asked me out, but I turned her off. I directly told her that I hated to extend social interaction outside of situations where I'm forced to and that I just avoid people altogether (I know I didn't use to be like this, but I can't lie to myself anymore), and that she would be no different. She got mad at me but the next day she was as friendly as ever. It really seems like she udnerstood. This was about a year ago, we don't talk nearly as much anymore.
My honest opinion on all of this? I'm actually happy, I have all the time I want in the world and the day I have to earn a salary I won't have to share it too much. But my honest opinion isn't just that; I believe one day loneliness will bite me hard in the ass, and it's going to be too late to go back, but if I'm happy right now and I'm not in the future, then it doesn't matter to me. The day it really gets to me, I'll care.
I used to do it all the time, OP. If you ever get that urge to bail, the painfully heavy feeling of just wanting to fuck off and let the world turn on its own, immediately stop. Do the complete opposite. As long as you initiate with someone, they will always be accommodating. People out there aren't thinking the same thing as you in this case, they find social interactions are passive things, not ordeals, so small conversations or meetings with you are either just welcome surprises or par for the course. People who don't want to be talked to don't get talked to. I know from experience.
The longer you wait to turn your interactions around, the more new emotions you're going to have to deal with as your anxiety fades with age. And it will. Then you find yourself really struggling to understand what people mean in all kinds of relationships but instead of wanting to run, you'll feel like everyone has read a book about society that you haven't. You won't be alone, but you'll be stuck in a limbo of partial relationships. I regret being a loner for so long, not because of loneliness, which didn't affect me, but because there are wonderful people out there that I finally click with that are in stages of their life that I can't enter into fully. I have to settle for a tiny fraction of their time and a tiny fraction of their attention because they have more important things than some dude still acting like he's young. If I had gotten to know them better earlier, I wouldn't feel like I have to wait until the next life to be with these people.
>>16903309
I'd try to stop being retarded.
Wow I can actually relate a lot to OP. I also often just cut contact with people and start avoiding them. I had some acquaintances all the way from middle school through high school, they weren't really friends as I never hung out with them, just people I got in groups with for projects and stuff. But after high school I haven't talked to them once.
And recently I made a Tinder and noticed that if I get a notification that someone messaged me I just avoid checking the app for weeks, to make it seem like I'm inactive.
Not sure why I'm like this but it's probably a combination of several factors. First off, most conversations are a bother for me, and not enjoyable unless they are about some complex topic. And then, I'm super selfish (notice how I gave 0 advice in this post) and am generally just not interested in other people, so listening to what they have to say is a chore. And finally, I have huge issues with trust, I basically never reveal my true self to anyone. Even the 'me' my family knows is probably totally different to how I really am, as everything I tell them is part truth part lie.
And yes, while I like to think I'm a generic person, that's probably just me lying to myself because subconsciously I probably consider myself a special snowflake.
>>16905809
How old are you?
