How normal is having an objectively great girlfriend but being unsatisfied?
My girl shares a lot of my hobbies, is cute as heck, is super mature and always wants the relationship to move forward and be as healthy as it can be, and is always thinking about me and trying to make me happy. We've been together 4 months now but she's very keen to make things as good as possible for us. On top of this we have a very active sex life.
Yet despite all this, I somehow feel unsatisfied, and miss being available, or flirting with girls/getting to know them.
Is this normal? Is there a way around it, will it go if I find the 'right' girl, or is it something I need to learn to deal with?
>>17330904
what you are essentially asking is
>am i required to fall in love with any girl who shows me interest?
the answer is no. you are not required. love isn't just 'well you're objectively good' otherwise women would settle all the fucking time.
love and romance is about chemistry. attraction is part of that, personality is too, but there is an intrinsic unknown quality... almost like literal chemistry. just the way you two react to one another
i met a girl. she was my type. flawless adorable features, curly hair, amazing fucking ass and boobs, submissive in and out of the bedroom. literally whatever i wanted to do she was fine with and always down to try new things as long as it was wtih me. lived right down the street so it was convenient but was understanding when i said i needed time to do my own thing. i couldnt imagine a more perfect girl.
and yet i felt zilch for her. we had amazing sex and she did all the dirty stuff i wanted in all the right ways, but there was no emotional connection for me. i feel bad cuz i know she felt it for me. trying to use swim trunks i left at her place as an excuse to talk again.
but id much rather chase a much less attractive much weirder much harder to talk to foreign girl who lives an hour away just because there is that chemistry there. that thrill.
you want to be with someone that you are thrilled to see, at least at first.
>>17330904
>Is this normal?
Yes, for Chad Thundercock
>>17330929
>>17330904
But is it wrong to prefer the girl who might not inspire passion but provides a more stable relationship? Seems like that would be the smarter choice in the end.
>>17330945
if your end game is to simply be married sure. but if you are being married to a girl who doesnt interest you beyond the casual sense, then why do you want to be married?
life has changed a great deal and you are not required to get married and have kids. and do you really want to do that with someone you feel no passion for? why bother? what happens when you DO meet someone you feel passion for and you are tied down. are you a strong enough man not to chase what you want when it finally appears to you?
is it wrong to prefer a girl who doesn't inspire passion? i think so. because you are essentially leading that person on. you are letting them invest in what is simply a convenience for you.
>>17330960
>but if you are being married to a girl who doesnt interest you beyond the casual sense, then why do you want to be married?
Because she might have traits that would make her a good spouse and/or mother. Providing a stable and mutually beneficial relationship is one such quality.
>life has changed a great deal and you are not required to get married and have kids.
No but many people do want that. If this is the goal then prioritizing stability over passion would seem to make sense. Even if you don't want kids it might make some sense if you don't want to end up alone in old age. Passion can burn out and lead to a wreck of a relationship in the end. Some relevant details here would be OP's age and his ultimate goal for this relationship and his goals in terms of marriage and family. Some men don't want a family at all and so for them it would make more sense to chase passion over stability.
>and do you really want to do that with someone you feel no passion for? why bother?
Like I said, she might have the traits that would make her a good wife and mother but not necessarily the most passionate lover.
>what happens when you DO meet someone you feel passion for and you are tied down. are you a strong enough man not to chase what you want when it finally appears to you?
Hopefully.
I will say that there is no right and wrong answer here of course. I'm just trying to get OP to consider the value of stability over passion. If he does and comes to the conclusion hat what he truly wants out of a relationship is passion even at the potential cost of stability then he should go for it but he should at least consider the value that his current gf brings to his life and whether that's something he would be willing to give up even if it meant ending up alone and/or in a series of less stable and more rocky relationships.
>>17330960
passion is temporary
>>17330988
>providing a relationship i really dont care about is one such quality
you are missing my point there mate.
>no but many people do want that
consider this. do you want to not love your kids? think about it. whats the point in having kids if you dont love em? they are literally a nuisance.
you should apply that logic to your wife. you are saying that wife and kids is what you want but you dont realize the reason people want these things is because of the positive bonds you create. if you arent positively bonded to your wife than you are just married for the sake of being married.
the problem here is that you think passion means a lack of stability. thats not the case.
>>17331000
depends on the kind of passion you mean. if you mean that hot first three months where you are thrilled to see them, yeah that fades. but that doesn't mean you cant be in love with your wife for 40+ years. dont get me wrong i think the disney fairytale meme is overplayed, but going in the complete opposite direction and saying 'WELL PASSION IS BAD SO I MUST MARRY A WOMAN I HAVE NO FEELINGS FOR CUZ SHE MIGHT BE AGOOD MOTHER WHEN THE TIME COMES' is pretty dumb.
think it out.
>>17330904
>We've been together 4 months
oh brother. Look if you are not ready for commitment stop pretending and cut the girl lose
Shit like this makes me scared of getting into a relationship
>>17331035
>you are missing my point there mate.
The elaborate
>consider this. do you want to not love your kids? think about it. whats the point in having kids if you dont love em? they are literally a nuisance.
Kids don't have to be perfect for you to love them and I think the same applies to a spouse.
>you should apply that logic to your wife. you are saying that wife and kids is what you want but you dont realize the reason people want these things is because of the positive bonds you create. if you arent positively bonded to your wife than you are just married for the sake of being married.
You can have positive bonds with someone that doesn't necessarily fill your every emotional need. OP is saying he has some vague feeling of dissatisfaction, not that he doesn't care for the girl. To be fair he also didn't say that he does care for her a lot either.
>the problem here is that you think passion means a lack of stability. thats not the case.
I don't think that and I never said it. What I said was
>But is it wrong to prefer the girl who might not inspire passion but provides a more stable relationship?
OP's gf seems to provide a stable relationship.
>'WELL PASSION IS BAD SO I MUST MARRY A WOMAN I HAVE NO FEELINGS FOR CUZ SHE MIGHT BE AGOOD MOTHER WHEN THE TIME COMES'
I never said this either and OP didn't say he has no feelings for his gf, he simply said he feels unsatisfied and misses being available and flirting with girls. I'm trying to get him to consider the possibility that he's undervaluing the positive aspects of his current relationship.
OP has only been dating her for 4 months so really none of us can say she will provide a stable relationship but if she continues to invest in their relationship the way she is now into the future I think it would be silly to dump her just to flirt with girls and be available if his ultimate goal is a stable relationship and a family life. If not then dumping her at this point makes a lot more sense.
>>17331061
why? just leave a girl if yo uarent into her
>>17331073
I think he/she means the fact that a person can invest into the relationship so much yet still fail to inspire feelings in the other person is what scares them.
>>17331072
>kids dont have to be perfect to love
>Assume the same applies to spouse
thats great. but this isnt a 'is it possible for me to love my wife if shes not perfect'.
this is a
>i feel nothing for the girl im with but shes stable
thread.
and while you argue OP didnt say what he felt outside of dissatisfaction OP did seem to say here:
>>17330945
that she does not inspire passion. maybe im looking too deep into this but it seems this girl isnt right for OP.
they've been dating for four months. he shouldnt just settle down with her because she might be 'stable' as if four months would be a good indication.
>what i said was
>is it wrong to prefer the girl who might not inspire passion but provides a more stable realtionsihp?
which implies thta you cant get stability from someone you legitimately enjoy being with in the passionate sense.
you can play the word game and say 'BUT THATS NOT MY EXACT WORDS SO UR WRONG HAHAHA' but the point remains.
the argument is boiled down to
>i can have only passion or only stability'.
if you can have both, seek both. dont settle for a girl of four months just because 'yeah she might be a good mum one day'
>I DIDNT SAY THOSE EXACT WORDS HOW DARE YOU DISSECT WHAT I WAS REALLY SAYING
uh huh.
good luck to you both.
>>17330904
Stop focusing on pussy and start focusing on achieving your dreams.
You have the girl, you have the support, now get out of the 'get pussy' mindset and you two will be happy.
Don't stop flirting HARMLESSLY with other women, though. Never stop.
>>17331097
>this is a
>i feel nothing for the girl im with but shes stable
thread.
He didn't say I feel nothing, he said he's dissatisfied. You can be dissatisfied with a person you feel something for. At this point it would be nice if OP can chime in and clarify his feeling towards this girl further. If he really feels nothing at all then its time to to dump her but if he does feel something then maybe its a relationship worth working on.
>and while you argue OP didnt say what he felt outside of dissatisfaction OP did seem to say here:
>>17330945
that she does not inspire passion. maybe im looking too deep into this but it seems this girl isnt right for OP.
Dude, that's my post not OP's.
>which implies thta you cant get stability from someone you legitimately enjoy being with in the passionate sense.
I can see why you would see that but that was not what I meant to imply. This girl seems to invest quite a bit of herself into the relationship. You're right that 4 months is no indication for long term stability and she could easily pull a 180 in a few months or a year and invest nothing of herself. But I would advise OP to perhaps wait for that if he gets something out of this relationship. If he really isn't getting anything at all then breaking up with her would be the right course of action.
>the argument is boiled down to
>i can have only passion or only stability'.
No, the argument is "don't underestimate stability". Passion is important too but people are more likely to overestimate rather than underestimate its importance
>you can play the word game and say 'BUT THATS NOT MY EXACT WORDS SO UR WRONG HAHAHA' but the point remains.
Now you're just projecting what you think I said onto me instead of listening to what I'm saying now after clarifying.
