My boyfriend went through a really shitty breakup before me. He was ghosted and genuinely horrible to him. It's really sad to hear and he did talk to me about it before we started dating, he still feels bad about it to this day. Because we've been dating for a month and have been close for much longer and he still feels bad about it, how do I help him? I told him that he's not in the wrong and that she was an awful person (seriously she was, I'm not just saying that because I'm his gf) but he clearly is still bothered by it.
I want to help him heal but I don't know how. I know he loves me deeply so I'm not worried about me being a rebound, but I want to help him move on from that so he can feel happy when we're not in the same place.
>Pic unrelated, from a spam email
>>17283260
If he is like me his head is a cluster fuck right now.
I have no advice but to give it time.
>>17283260
you're a very caring person. just be there for him and continue being good to him. he should have waited until he was over it before getting involved with anyone, but sometimes you can't help it if fate intervenes.
it will go one of two ways: he will get over it and be a happier person and you will be happier for it.
or, the pain will fester and make him cold and bitter until he starts taking it out on you.
i hope for the former. good luck.
>>17283260
Just do your best to be a great girlfriend, try to be forgiving when he gets mopey about his ex, and don't be afraid to call her a fucking bitch from hell who never deserved him in the first place.
You shouldn't put up with this forever -- after a certain point you have to say "Look, you need to stop spending all your emotional energy on your piece-of-shit ex, I'm your girlfriend now, not her" -- but I'd give it another month or two first. Sorry you have to deal with this, you sound like a great person and a great girlfriend.
>my boyfriend talks a lot of shit about his ex
>I want to help him heal
you stupid bitch
>>17283413
I think it's more than just her that he's missing. It's like he's developed some kind of need that I can only fulfill when I'm around, like, he'll be really happy and loving when I'm around but when I need to go he gets really sad and although he doesn't say it I can see it in his face when I have to leave.
He sounds like he's angry at himself and keeps blaming himself for everything when basically, pardon my French, she was a fucking cunt. He ultimately scarred him, he sent me all the messages (this was before we were dating, we've been friends for years) as it was happening and it made my blood boil. He's just so hurt but I think if he does continue for a month or two I will have to hit him with reality pretty hard so he can move on
>>17283529
How much time did pass since their breakup?
Shouldn't he focus on something else?
>>17283668
It's been about a month. It's not like he talks about it all the time but I know him very well and since it happened he's just really down.
>>17283696
If you really loved him, you would hurt those who hurt him.
>>17283711
she'll hurt herself when she realized she gave up the best man in the world just to have me have him
>>17283529
This isn't my Official Advice (my Official Advice is everything I said here: >>17283413) but I know that if I were in your boyfriend's shoes, i.e. got my heart broken by some piece of shit & ended up dating a great girl shortly thereafter, I'd respond pretty well to her saying something like, "Yo, you need to move on from her already. Newsflash, she was a fucking cunt, you're with me now and I'll never hurt you like that, end of story, now can we please start letting devil-bitch go?" Tough love isn't always unpleasant, and a bit of venom about one's ex can be pretty gratifying to hear (a *reasonable amount* of jealousy lets you know your partner is invested in you.)
I don't know your boyfriend, maybe saying something like that would just send him farther into his funk, but if my girlfriend said something like that to me with a little bit of humor but also a little bit of seriousness it would make me smile and I'd love the hell out of her for it.
>>17283260 (OP)
BLOW his problems away
>>17283420
This.
