I dated this girl for about 4 years. It was a pretty solid relationship, so planning a future, kids, place to live etc are implied. We always hit it off pretty seriously, a few speedbumps along the way but we always got around it and were generally a happy couple.
Around March this year, she broke up with me. Said she couldn't stand how I treated her, that she was tired of the relationship, that she didn't love me anymore - which pretty much came as a shock, as we both had our flaws but we were always there for each other.
I'm in no circumstances saying I'm innocent nor free of making mistakes, but she never wanted to talk things through and thoroughly. She sometimes bursted a lot of complaints, accused me of superficial stuff, tried to break up some times out of emotional leverage, got impatient and after some tip-toeing she went back to being a model gf. We really were generally happy, you can't really say you're miserable on a weekend if you're hanging out for shits and giggles and having the good time of your life a few days before.
Long story short, her steps after the breakup come down to the following:
1) She sent non-nude pics of herself in a bra to an internet friend of mine, before we actually broke up
2) Progressed to nudes and cyber, got emotionally involved
3) Never lost contact with me, said she wanted to keep being friends at least.
4) Went on a trip to a friend's house in the same city said guy lives. Had sex.
5) Back on her hometown, we started hanging out like in the old days. We started having frequent sex - which she initially feeling guilty about but came to openly like later - and generally hang out, go out etc
and 6) Said she was having feelings for me again, that she regretted breaking up and wanted to get back together.
Cont.
without reading the rest of the story: no, you know she is bad for you and the only reason she broke up with you was because trying something new. but if you take her back be prepared for things like that happen again. however this is your decision. good luck to you sir, gotta work
I'm in a constant tug of war between getting back and getting over it. On one hand, I love the girl to death and would be happy to just solve everything one piece at a time and have a life together. On the other, I'm pretty much in a heartache that she left me in such a brazen manner, got involved with an ex-friend of mine less than a week after breaking up - and still IS, she can't seem to end things with him before asking me back, if I take her back she dumps him, if I don't she'll just keep going. Can't get out of her comfort zone.
I said I don't want to reconcile immediately and she thinks some time apart will solve things. I don't want to lose her presence completely but also don't want to be a pushover or re-engage a relationship that is fated to fail a month later. Thoughts?
>>17277296
Thanks for the input, I'm just tired of hearing only my own mind about this.
She sounds immature, OP. Not the kind of girl who's seriously considering this future you've talked about with her. Just move on and find thekind of girl you deserve.
The next girlfriend will be so much better, OP, don't go back.
>>17277348
>>17277349
I was never the dating type. I'm 25 now and only had one teenage gf before this one. Be it for preferring casual flings or not finding anyone really worthy, I don't have and never had the habit of asking anyone into a serious relationship.
I honestly don't see myself starting from scratch again, too much effort and tears wasted. I'd much more prefer to remain single for now.
>>17277368
And that's okay. Take as long as you need to figure out who you are and get back on your feet. There's no shame in that.
>>17277377
But that's pretty much the thing. I don't feel the need to be in a serious relationship like a lot of people I know. I used to be pretty satisfied with being single as I can enjoy one night stands or casual things and then enjoy my own company. I've only asked this girl on a relationship because I really, deeply connected with her from the very start.
I guess I got a little bitter in the heart. I don't have a lot of patience towards starting over.
>>17277418
That's okay, too. You need to do whatever makes you happy.
Jesus, OP. This is, and I am in no way exaggerating, exactly the same situation my best friend is in. This just happened a couple of weeks ago and he is in a terrible state. I will tell you what I told him.
Do your best to start being emotionally independent and accept that the relationship has ended. You will not receive any modicum of closure from her so resolve this on your own. Right now, whether or not the two of you get back together is not important, what is important however is getting over the fact by first accepting that there we're problems that could not be resolved between the both of you and this back and forth kind of relationship is doing no one any good.
Next, you need to begin to disassociate all things that you have attached to her so that you can carry on doing the things and hanging out in the places you like without feeling like utter shit. No matter what happens, resolution is key and is mandatory before you take any further steps. I cannot stress this enough.
Going back into the relationship may feel fine and dandy but you may very soon find yourself in the same situation sooner or later by virtue of the fact that you did not solve the fundamental problems that resulted in the tension between you two. This emotional baggage and maelstrom will destroy you, OP. If you need to talk more after the thread ends, feel free senpai: [email protected]
Go no contact.
>>17277482
Thanks. That's very insightful and lucid. I guess it all comes down to prioritizing reason and actually recognizing I'm better off ending it in a definitive way. It hurts anyway, because even though it's obviously a better logical choice, it's never easy to let go like that.
I'll write that email down.
Dude Im sure you dont want to hear it but I think you should cut youre losses. It sounds like shes stringing you along.
>>17277304
>I'm in a constant tug of war
See that's what girls like. They want us to be all fucked up emotionally over them.
That's why I stay single ;)
>>17277290
I don't know one woman that has not pulled this shit on a guy. Wake up boys. They get the hots for a new guy and will ditch the one they're with to fuck em and 8 out of 10 times the new guy fucks and dumps them and they crawl back. If a woman makes the choice to leave for new dick let them live with it
>>17277482
>>17277290
Holy shit guys.
Me too.
Where do these bitches come from? How to avoid them? How do you know?
2 years in sable ship and never expected that to happen.
What the shit?
She will never respect you again if you take her back.
>>17277290
She's bad for you, don't take her back. I speak from personal experience. Our stories are pretty similar.
You will never ever trust her again and she wouldn't know how to be faithful if it jumped up and fucked her in the ass mate , get rid and move on , she's just gonna fuck you up and god forbid you ever got her pregnant !
She's cancer buddy
Thank all of you guys for the replies. I find it curious that no one in general advises in the least towards getting back together/working things out. I guess wanting to get the good old times back is only your feelings speaking after all.
>>17278923
They come from the same place we do, unfortunately. I've always noticed some people saying that women are crap and there's some truth to that.
