What I know:
She has been very certain for the years we have been together that speaking to other people too much is a form of cheating, from any aspect and my relationships with the other sex have been minimal because of this.
Recently she has been depressed, feeling unloved and lonely which could be my fault but i didnt get told and to be honest didnt have a clue.
She started speaking to another guy. They met up once not planned but nothing happend he just "comforted her" as she was upset. Nothing more than a hug. They have been talking a lot.. through snap chat for about a month or so, lots of kisses on the messages and apparently just cheering her up. She has told me there was flirting but nothing ever further than that, she has already stopped speaking to him and deleted him, she is absolutely devistated what she has done, and will do anything to be with me. She hates that she has fucked up like this, however I do believe that she didnt find him attractive and he was genuinely just helping her through a time where she was feeling alone and sad.
Obviously this guy was trying to fuck her, however she doesnt believe that and he is in "a similar situation"
>op here
What I have written above is what i believe to be the truth. I found this out yesterday after her telling me that she doesnt feel happy and loved and she is sad and alone, which isnt all my fault but i need to help her out of it. I've done a lot of thinking and as stupid as it is i have chosen to believe her story, and move on knowing that yes, she had possibly emotionally cheated on me, however it could genuinely be because she was upset and needed a shoulder to cry on.
The problem I'm having is trust. I was planning to propose to this girl, we live together and I wanted and still want to be a family with her, but I cant stop thinking about this. Of course its early stages and it might go away, but will i ever get this trust back? How do i know this wont happen again.. even if it was because i wasnt giving her enough attention, sexually and emotionally, i will make that better. But the thought is in my head that she is the kind of girl that will do that in the future... she has promised she will talk more about how shes feeling and is distraught shes having to take time off work because shes throwing up with anxiety about me leaving her.
I have always believe that talking with either sex is natural and you always need to talk to other people but the reason we havnt done it much in the past is because of HER worries about it, and now shes gone and done it... in her eyes i would have been cheating and ive explained that too her. Even though in other relationships this wouldnt even be seen as bad.
Any questions just ask but basically:
tldr; semi-emotionally cheating girlfriend upset about talking to the other guy, wants to stay with me but not sure if i can get over the trust i have lost. what do
>>17257052
Hi Op, I have no idea.
Jesus this situation sounds hard. I would stay. But I also have trust issues with my gf, they almost never go away. It's torturous, but it's for love, because I just hope im not getting cucked. Worth imo. Go on with it but you should probably explain that she needs to earn your trust. Good luck friend!
>>17257069
Thanks
Good to hear that I'm not being an idiot by myself ... Definitely think that it's worth it and I really don't think she would do it again and I really hope she wouldn't have gone further than flirting... She has done everything to persuade me she wouldn't, and it was for a reason...
How dare she have a friend?
Be his friend too. Win win. Stop being a whiney faggot
Talk to her. Ask her why she did it, why she didn't come to you. Understand this act fully. Get mad at her and yell at her. When you are done, decide if your relationship is worth working on or if you have to break up.
If you decide to work on your relationship, the cheating is gone. You never, ever even mention it again.
Have her seeing a therapist. Spend a LOT of time together, date. Talk to her, spend quality time with her.
Some people will do it again in the future, yes. Some people will never do it again.
Good luck OP.
>>17257113
Flirting is not a friend even in my view... If that didn't happen id probably just brush it over and move on .
>>17257119
Thanks for the advice - I think your right and I will move on from it , but at least I have learnt this hurdle is real and that I have to think for myself in the future and not be so reliant . She stopped taking her pills for anxiety not long ago and didn't tell me. She's going back to the therapist .
>>17257050
I kinda fit that description. Andrew?
>>17257156
I'm sure there are thousands of people around the world in the same situation let alone that name . However i am not Andrew .
>>17257288
Bump again
ditch her. Now.
Before you get hurt more by this emotional wreck.
>>17257379
Is it that simple of an answer? I honestly believe that she wouldn't do it again ... Maybe I'm an idiot but I think I want to tey
>>17257050
>speaking to other people too much is a form of cheating
this is stupid. what happens when she has male coworkers and she must work closely together?
Now, cruising and collecting dudes to blow wind up her skirt is too much but will happen but she stopped herself
>>17257425
Talking a lot and specifically messaging with several kisses each message is different.
What do you mean with paragraph 2?
>>17257419
Dump her
Then when she goes hysterical and begs you not to, agree to stay with her on the condition it never happens again. Then it will genuinely never happen, if you let this go she'll consider it a free pass in the future that she can get away with shit, no matter what kind of feigned apology she gave
>>17257442
I already did this hence how distraught she was... It's only been a couple days but will this go away - the feeling of being completely deceived and lied too? The fact that I know there's a guy out there who has seen an intimate side of her, crying etc . I suppose I can't complain too much considering I actually believe that they didn't do anything .
>>17257440
for the attention and ego boost which sounds like why she was doing this. If she stopped herself good but if you had to step in bad. It happens sometimes people get crushes but do they remove themselves from the crush or do they go with it because they want to see where it may lead while having the existing relationship to fall back on should things not work with the crush
>>17257050
>They met up once not planned
bullshit it was planned
she was in the beginning stages of a relationship with this guy
>>17257457
that depends on what you consider "doing anything" She's admitted to meeting him and hugging but you can bet there is more.
>There's nothing wrong with finding someone attractive or hanging out with the opposite sex sweetheart. I trust you, that's why I'm with you. I trust you to know what you want, and I believe you want to be with me. Just know that if you do anything with this man beyond good taste, I will drop you and leave you and never look back. I am not with you to waste your time, so don't waste mine either. I too am allowed to talk to and spend time with women. If you can't trust that I love you enough not to cheat on you with the first woman I talk to, then this relationship will not last. I cannot be with someone who does not reciprocate in me the trust I have in them."
>>17257473
I can understand that this was probably headed somewhere but for other reasons i wont explain on here i do believe it would have stopped before anything physical, either our relationship or theirs. From the way I have seen her the past few days I do believe she didnt want anything out of that other than reassurance and comfort.
>>17257477
any normal person would think that and if i was you looking at this post I'd say the same thing, but i need to have some hope, some sort of trust. She is the kind of girl who needs that caring side and I obviously wasnt giving it to her, so i believe she just wanted someone to talk to and laugh with.
>>17257482
I can also understand this, but i think a more upfront telling her that i want to leave her will be more effective in this situation. As for future trust, relationships with other people, i think that this whole situation will change that for the better, because if she doesnt trust me I'll just drop her and she knows that.
>>17257499
>i believe she just wanted someone to talk to and laugh with
Right. That explains sending kissy faces to some other dude. You know this stinks like after-the-fact rationalizing on her part to shift the responsibility for her behavior away from herself. She's not feeling like crap because doing this hurt you, it's because she's afraid of the consequence of her behavior.
The reason she doesn't want you to have even a normal friendship relationship with another woman is because this is how SHE behaves with someone of the opposite sex.
Why didn't she say something to you when she felt like she needed more attention from you? And how long ago did that feeling start, compared to when she started flirting with this guy? Do you really believe that this is about you not giving her enough attention rather than her enjoying attention from a new guy?
Does she have female friends that she talks to? Has she let you read her messages to them to see what she's writing about this guy, or what she actually sent to this guy? What happens when you ask to see her phone?
I'm curious, what did she tell you she was doing or where she was going when she met this guy? Because she kept talking to him after this right? Did she tell you about him at all or was she completely hiding all this? How do you not see this as a deliberate deception?
This would make me question the relationship quite a bit. She doesn't trust you but she's the one who isn't trustworthy? Shitty communication and mental problems? She's not even able to be honest and accept responsibility for her behavior?
Don't you want to be with someone who has a higher standard of behavior?
>>17257499
>she just wanted someone to talk to and laugh with
so why did she pick a man?
>>17257591
Shh. OP's trying his best to rationalize his gf's bullshit. Don't point out stuff that's going to wreck that.
>>17257585
This. Quit lying to yourself OP.
>>17257050
This not only goes out to Op, but also the other cucks whom are in the same situation -
You need to stop lying to yourself, creating a wall like that will consistently drain you until you are a person you can recognize anymore (I'm sure that's already happened to a few of you).
They cheated on you, and you'll never know what was fully done between them (with their other partner). And you know what, it doesn't matter, why should you let yourself be afraid of the truth?
Know that you are not a liar, and you can walk away from anything that stands to compromise your worth. There is no try - you don't try to reason with liars. You move on, and it's easier said/typed than done, but if you're willing to trust a stranger -
To stand on your own two feet, in solitude, trusting YOUR reason and instinct.
I don't think your girlfriend necessarily cheated. It was a breach of trust and she should've come to you, it was out of line, but she just gave a guy a hug.
Having said that, she is a massive fucking hypocrite and it speaks volumes about her character that she would keep you from even having a solid platonic friendship with a girl, while at the first sign of distress she runs literally into another guy's arms and uses his shoulder for emotional comfort. Take a good, hard look OP: if you stay with her, this is what you're going to get. And times will get harder than what she experienced now.
I would not propose to this woman.
OP I was in a similar situation and I'm still with my semi-cheating gf. I used to be a shitty boyfriend, and I mean like really shitty. My Gf always treated me like a king though and loved me to death. As I got more depressed the more I treated her like shit. I constantly pushed her away and "broke up" with her only to get back together a few days later. One week I was really bad to her and I found out she was talking to someone else. This hit me, real fucking hard. I broke up with her but we still talked daily, and I still treated her like shit. Eventually we got back together and I got on medication. I found out during that time we were actually separated she went on a date with some guy and that really fucking hurt me too. In the end we agreed were just young and shitty to each other. Since then weve been together for a while and our relationship has been really healthy. We even have a place together.
Sometimes cheating isn't as black and white as some make it out to be. I know who my Gf is and I know she made mistakes and so have I. I can forgive her for what she did and she forgives me.
