Fucking help, /adv/.
I'm part of a three person family. Myself, my husband, and my 18 yr old son. (yeah, I know, I'm old, get over it).
EVERY FUCKING TIME I make a nice dinner, as soon as the guys sit down, even before I can sit down with my plate (or the last of the dishes, or whatever) they are at each other's throats. Constantly fighting, bickering, cussing, yelling, talking shit to each other. I can't fucking take it anymore. Tonight, I told them I wasn't going to make dinner any fucking more, because every time I do, they ruin it. I spent over 3 hours making a meal tonight, and they both threw half of theirs away because they were so mad at each other and couldn't sit at the table anymore.
And the thing is, it only happens when I make dinner. Obviously, dads and teenage boys don't get along. I didn't get along with my mom when I was that age, but this is just getting fucking ridiculous. I'm about to lose my shit.
I talk to both of them, separately and together, about working out their issues, but they won't listen to me. My husband never had anything growing up, he had to bust his ass for everything he ever got. Our son has had it pretty easy, but it was US who did that for him. My husband spoiled the CRAP out of him when he was little, because "I never had anything, and I don't want him to have a shitty childhood like I did". Okay. Well, now he's reaping what he sowed, and he refuses to admit it. He tries to tell me that I spoil him because I cook meals for him, but he does his own laundry, he cleans up his own bathroom and bedroom, he's looking for a job (but hasn't found one yet), and he's trying to figure out what he wants to do for higher education (he's really undecided, and frankly at 18, that's not abnormal).
I'm about ready to fucking go old school pop tart and shave my head and beat people with an umbrella. Help.
Get your son to move out.
You may need to lose your shit op. It sounds like they don't really respect you and think of you as a doormat while you're trying to peacemaker them. Admirable, but your husband and son seem like oafs. You may need to change tactics and blow all your shit up in rage for them to realize 'oh shit I fucked up'
>>17191141
Well, he should, obviously, but we live in a very expensive area of the country, and his two best friends are also still living at home. I'm not trying to baby him, but I also don't want to fuck him up like I've seen kids get fucked up from their parents dropping them.
He's a good kid, I want him to get out and do his thing, but I don't want to just be like "fuck off". And, I want his dad to understand that he can't just move out totally on his own and be fine, it's not the fucking 1980s.
>>17191148
Yeah, I'm just about there. They both expected me to try to mediate tonight like I always do, and I told them fuck that, I was going to go and they could work it out themselves (as I was throwing out the rest of dinner, since they couldn't be bothered to finish theirs). They seemed surprised by that, actually. I'm tired of being everyone's personal therapist.
>>17191172
Yes. Keep doing that. Maybe they'll learn something. You're not their nanny; if they're not going to behave respectfully to you and your effort/time/care you spent making food for them, you don't need to keep giving it to them.
People take things for granted all the time and sometimes you have to remind them that they should appreciate you
>>17191112
>yeah, I know, I'm old, get over it
Sassy. How old is old exactly?
As for the situation, i have a bit of insight.
Im 29, ive been completely on my own since 20. I have lived through absolute hell when it came to living places, jobs, and relationships. Its very very hard to be on your own when u dont have support.
Iny absolute moat honest opinion if its at all possible to get him a place of his own that he doeant have to pay for, as in rent and utilities taken care of, then i tgink you can give him a way to start training to be independant. Aslong as a guy has a place to sleep/shower/cook, he has some of yhe most important basic needs taken care of. Then he can start taking care of other nessecities on his own. Trust me when i say this saves lives. Hopefully somewhere closish that if he ever needs to he can come over for say a dinner or something but not so close that its convenint to do so. This way if hea between jobs or something he atleast has access to food. He needs a chance to test thia whole "being on your own" thing in a safe way where mistakes arent fatal. And yes, pay his rent and utilities indefinately. As a guy on his own he will be allowed to have one thing that being with parents doesnt allow very well: female time. And trust me, the need to impress females will straighten a guy right the fuck out.
Think on it.
>>17191217
Thanks for the input, I'll definitely think on all you mentioned. I certainly don't want to send him out into the world with no support system. As to age, I'm 41.
>>17191192
Thank you too.
Much of my post was venting, sure, but it helps to hear other people's perspectives. Helps clear the cobwebs.
>>17191284
>41
HOLY TAMALE
You're lucky you're married or i would let you cook for me too.
And yes, think on it. What i say is from the experience of a man on his own in his twenties. Also try to get him a place that has a gym or is close to one. You dont need to tell him or urge him to go, but leaving that option open is always the best way to go.
>>17191301
Luckily, the gym won't be a problem. He's been a member of our gym, but there's also several gyms in town that cater more to people in their twenties. At least he's already used to going and working out.
DESU lady thats just how men are, if they're honestly getting really mad at each other they're being fucking pussies and you should tell them so.
>>17191141
Stupid as fuck idea, there is a reason that %33 of men over 20 live with their parents and it has nothing to do with parenting.
>>17191320
I got a rediculous grin when you said he already goes to the gym
Can you tell im from /fit/?
They sound pretty autistic, so putting them in an awkward situation may help. Try grabbing them both when they aren't fighting and have a talk with them.
Tell them how much it bothers you to see them fighting. Just act overly concerned and they may actually feel enough guilt to quit fighting.
>>17191447
Wtf *slap*
Stop that, right now. You are addressing a normie. Mind your manners slut.
You can't control what your family does, but you don't have to sit there. Take your meal after they have left the room or eat in your bedroom Just tell them you will not eat T they argue in front of you.. This will save your sanity.
>>17191112
Sounds to me like you married an idiot and your son is a sissy nu male faggot because of it. Next time don't have children with a bitch.
Reaping what you sowed etc. Or what he sowed rather
>>17191112
it seems like this situation has been built through years, so i would say the change you are hoping for will probably not happen in just one afternoon. But stopping doing what you do (eg dinners) which they dont appreciate, seems like a good start. i believe you will feel bad for not doing things for them, but you shouldnt!
>>17191112
So what's the dad's problem with the kid? I'm guessing the kid is just defending himself?
