Alright /wsr/, I'm finalizing my final project from university. I'm not an native english speaker but the english abstract is obligatory.
Is my english correct?
Here it goes:
Mobile development has massively grown over the last years, becoming one of the most important computing subjects ever. The Swift programming language is making it easier for new programmers to enter the mobile development world through iOS app creation. This research has the goal to introduce the basic concepts of the Swift programming language, go through and extensive explanation of an iOS calculador app and demonstrate, step by step, the creation of an interactive “hello world” app.
What can must I fix? Or is it ok already?
A few things have to be corrected, but I am no native speaker either, so I will pass.
>>119830
>The Swift programming language facilitates iOS app creation, and is making it easier for new programmers to enter the burgeoning field of mobile development . In this research*, we introduce the basic concepts of Swift, go through an extensive explanation of an iOS calculator app, and demonstrate, step by step, the creation of an interactive “hello world” app.
You're not paid by the word and neither is your reader. Trim the waffle; save space for more meat later-on.
* It's not really "research" if you're not actually discovering something that no-one's done before. A better word would be "paper" or "study"; ask your supervisor what best characterises your paper.
Hotaru>Saya
>>119841
Thanks based anon!
>>119841
>we introduce the basic...
wew is it ok to use "we" even though I'm doing this study alone?
>>119841
was having some problems on the backward translation of "we introduce the basic"... I changed it to:
> The Swift programming language facilitates iOS app creation, and is making it easier for new programmers to enter the burgeoning field of mobile development . This study introduces the basic concepts of Swift, go through an extensive explanation of an iOS calculator app, and demonstrate, step by step, the creation of an interactive “hello world” app.
Do you think it's pretty? Thanks for the help anyways.
>>119830
There's actually a lot more than I first thought. Just the first sentence:
>Mobile development has massively grown over the last years, becoming one of the most important computing subjects ever.
First:
>mobile development
This is vague. Do you mean the development of mobile phones, mobile OS, or mobile apps/software? Mobile networks? Be specific.
Second:
>has massively grown
Awkward adverb usage here. It's awkward because try to imagine something "massively" growing. Not growing massive/large, but going through growth in a "massive" way. It doesn't really generate a coherent visual image. If this were a creative writing assignment I'd say good on you for concocting an unusual description that makes you think, but that's exactly the opposite of what you want in a serious academic paper, much less the opening abstract. Typically you'd describe it in terms of speed, like "rapidly grown."
Third:
>over the last years
Omitted word, I'm assuming it was "last few years" or else a number. I'd go with a number if you can in any way prove or substantiate it. Using hard numbers makes it look like you know what you're talking about instead of just blowing smoke.
Lastly consider removing the passive voice to make it sound more dynamic.
The last part:
>becoming one of the most important computing subjects ever
This is a sentence fragment tacked on to the first part which is a complete clause that you could end in a period. You need a conjunction here to append it, and you need to adjust the tense so it actually fits with the first part of the sentence. The first part is in past tense and the second part is present participle, it's jarring and grammatically nonsensical.
>most important
That's a bold claim and nigh-impossible to prove in your paper. Don't oversell it. Call it very important, significant, crucial, etc.
>ever
Chop this off, it sounds like you're a kid on the playground.
On to sentence 2.
>>119866
OP here, it changed already:
Latest version:
> The Swift programming language facilitates iOS app creation, and is making it easier for new programmers to enter the burgeoning field of mobile development . This study introduces the basic concepts of Swift, go through an extensive explanation of an iOS calculator app, and demonstrate, step by step, the creation of an interactive “hello world” app.
>>119865
>This study introduces the basic concepts of Swift, goes through an extensive explanation of an iOS calculator app, and demonstrates, step by step, the creation of an interactive “hello world” app.
All the verbs in the list are things the study does, and need to be conjugated accordingly.
>>119866
>This is a sentence fragment tacked on to the first part which is a complete clause that you could end in a period.
It's not "tacked on"; "X Ys, Z-ing W" is a perfectly grammatical sentence.
In "Anon gives poorly-researched advice, confusing OP", for example, the dependent clause "confusing OP" is in no way "tacked-on", but grammatical, standard usage.
>>119873
> The Swift programming language facilitates iOS app creation, and is making it easier for new programmers to enter the burgeoning field of mobile development . This study introduces the basic concepts of Swift, goes through an extensive explanation of an iOS calculator app, and demonstrates, step by step, the creation of an interactive “hello world” app.
I did it r-right?
>>119871
>>119872
I'll start from here then.
>The Swift programming language facilitates iOS app creation, and is making it easier for new programmers to enter the burgeoning field of mobile development.
The first thing that jumps out is that "Swift programming language" reads out loud like you're saying the programming language is swift, as in fast. The capitalization makes it visually clear that Swift is a proper noun, but grammatically it is otherwise ambiguous. Strongly recommend changing this for maximum clarity. Also consider reading your sentences out loud, you often only catch stuff that sounds weird when you do this.
>app creation, and
You don't need that comma. You only put a comma before "and" if the two clauses being joined are independent, but the second clause of your sentence is dependent on the first, so no comma is necessary to join the two.
>is making it easier
Just say "makes it easier for new programmers to enter the burgeoning field of mobile [app] development".
>This study introduces the basic concepts of Swift, go through an extensive explanation of an iOS calculator app, and demonstrate, step by step, the creation of an interactive “hello world” app
Adjust tenses to be consistent, e.g.
>This study introduces the basic concepts of Swift, goes through an extensive explanation of an iOS calculator app, and demonstrates, step by step, the creation of an interactive "hello world" app.
>>119885
>Swift programming language" reads out loud like you're saying the programming language is swift, as in fast. The capitalization makes it visually clear that Swift is a proper noun, but grammatically it is otherwise ambiguous. Strongly recommend changing this for maximum clarity. Also consider reading your sentences out loud, you often only catch stuff that sounds weird when you do this.
Absolutely disagree.
This is a paper for a technical audience, all of whom will already know what Swift is.
Plus, as you concede, it's already unambiguously marked as a proper noun.
Finally, written English and spoken English are /different/. You shouldn't be using a technique such as "reading out written English to see how it sounds as spoken English"; that way lies madness.
download adobe reader
worked for itt bro
>>119885
>>app creation, and
>You don't need that comma. You only put a comma before "and" if the two clauses being joined are independent, but the second clause of your sentence is dependent on the first, so no comma is necessary to join the two.
Oxford Comma/Harvard Comma; google it. You may disagree with its usage, but a statement that it's flat-wrong is itself flat-wrong.
**** FINAL *****
> The Swift programming language facilitates iOS app creation and makes it easier for new programmers to enter the burgeoning field of mobile development. This study introduces the basic concepts of Swift, goes through an extensive explanation of an iOS calculator app, and demonstrates, step by step, the creation of an interactive “hello world” app.
***** FINAL *******
I mean, it' final, r-right?
>>119889
so the comma must come back? fuckkkkkkkkkkkk
THE FINAL FINAL VERSION:
> The Swift programming language facilitates iOS app creation, and makes it easier for new programmers to enter the burgeoning field of mobile development. This study introduces the basic concepts of Swift, goes through an extensive explanation of an iOS calculator app, and demonstrates, step by step, the creation of an interactive “hello world” app.
DID I DO IT REDDIT
>>119830
ITS DONE THANKS
>>119891
You can have it, or not have it; it's your choice.
>>119900
I like the comma, so I kept it.
