you wake up to the voice of some nigger, later some guy whose face looks like it took a shotgun blast stabs a ballsack, then you chat up some midget chick who has been living in a house full of aids victims, nigger dies but not to worry as you go on a road trip with the previously mentioned kurt cobain and midget chick
haha what game?
You and a bunch of your homosexual friends decide to work for this crusty asshole who owns a quarry. Upon entering the quarry you figure out that your evil probably cloned heterosexual twins are working for the crusty asshole's brother who looks identical to him. You then fight them because your crusty asshole wants to own the quarries. A bushman who owns the world comes in and give you explosives, and baseball bats to fight eachother with. Years of fighting happen, over the course of the fighting you go to places like egypt for some reason, send a space monkey 6feet under a crater, find the all powerful autismo the great who give you ducks for killing people, and have little rivalries within your gangbang group.
Then apparently those two crusty assholes had an even crustier third asshole he shows up with a gay robot army that looks like you and your homosexual friends and enemies. You then fight that asshole to prevent them from destroying the quarries you fought for against one another. You then all make out when you kill his robo army.
Then things happen, time passes, you fight a giant bread monster, a train passes by, and aliens come to attack but get drunk and die or some shit.
>>333255340
Halo 3
Some gyser blows up and starts spitting up annoying ghosts and undead and shit, you decide itd be a good idea to then travel to hell because your mom told you to. Annoying demons get their shit slapped and you end up at a mansion in hell. The head of the mansion is an annoying cunt that doesnt let you finish your sentences and acts condescending. She lets you pass after too many WORDS.
You find out it was just two stupid animals who caused the commotion and one of them likes hurling suns at you.
You are so hangover, that you don't know what's your name. Then you have to wake up some nigger to kill four other faggots only to die or become even bigger faggot.
You are litteraly an autistic manchild talking to himself and pretending to be edgy but all you do is just stupid shit like doing groceries, eating dinner, helping an homosexual asshole who lost his keys, crashing your car, being rejected by your waifu, and your only goal is to kill gabe newell at the end.
>>333256073
Devil May Cry?
>>333254865
You can do some shit where you slide across the ground like an ice skater that looks retarded as fuck. While also either kicking or getting your shit kicked by some faggot that abuses glitches.
Your business is undermined because a relative of yours has returned to town, you go up a tower and at the top some guy nobody really knows tricks you and I guess you beat him and then deal with the other guy and then you go back to your shop
You start by driving an old, dirty, filthy car for a while.
Then you drive a car thats basically a skeleton on unprotected wheels.
Then you drive a mediocre truck.
Then you drive a super-powerful & aerodynamic car.
Artifacts
>>333254865
furries, red enchiladas, WITH red enchiladas, WITH red enchiladas, fat man with god-complex tied with desire to be walt disney half the time.
>>333261201
Sonic and Knuckles and Knuckles and Knuckles?
So it's like Armored Core, except you aren't allowed to control your robot yourself, and to save money on AI programming they made the player do it. Also later Armored Core made a game just like it.
>>333257140
Dark Souls?
>>333261190
Metroid Prime? Because I came here to post literally this.
>>333261112
med mex
>>333255348
TF2?
Stupid weaboo meme game about solving court cases. Shitty game in that it actually tells you who did it half the time.
>>333261332
Yep
>>333261310
yup
>>333261417
I'll be surprised if this isn't Ace Attorney
Every single feature on the overly ambitious feature list is unfinished or broken.
It's horribly bug-ridden and practically unplayable without fan-created modifications/patches/etc. Any fixed bug introduced two new ones and for every step the game takes forward, it takes two back.
While the game promises a living, dynamic world that the player can influence, in practice it falls short, not the least because of all the bugs.
The word "balance" doesn't appear in the dev's vocabulary. On the topic of the developer: shitty programming skills, and even shittier graphics.
Weapons either seem ridiculously overpowered or you keep hitting the enemies endlessly seemingly without doing any damage. NPCs that are supposed to be your enemies don't attack you because the AI is so retarded, but if you look at a neutral NPC the wrong way, the entire faction will forever attack you on sight.
Despite making the game playable sometimes, all the fan-created stuff is either inconsistent, shitty, bloated, just as buggy, or all of the above.
Perhaps the biggest testimony of how stupid the whole game is, is the perceived difficulty:
When you finally installed all the patches and fan-made corrections and graphical improvements without botching your install, you will die again and again and again right in the beginning to enemies that should die with one hit but don't - but kill you in one shot, when they shouldn't.
Only if you magically overcome this insurmountable hurdle, you start having fun for a very short time, until you suddenly become all too powerful and the game becomes way too easy.Dwarf Fortressand STALKER.
You can play as a french homosexual, a dirty hobo, a tumblr feminazi and a autistic bald guy, then you meet a pedo, a slut, a teenager who is litteraly reddit and this fucking guy from the disney movie everybody forgot, they pretend to be your friends then fuck you all in the ass, and then proceed to kill each other in a church.
A giant rare pepe goes full SJW and decides to incase all of the adults in your world in crystal to make a safe space because they called him ugly. He then fills the safe space with other pepes and degenerates by using money he stole from your people. Your job is to release these absolutely worthless faggots out of crystal only for them to give you some advice and tell you to fuck off, and collect their sheckles they left randomly lying on the ground.
Oh, an you are a child.
>>333262572
Spyro
>>333261825
Yeah that's it
You start as a bald autistic faggot tending a garden or some equally feminine bullshit and your best friend/old man gay lover is kidnapped by some gay autistic men who have hair because they're jealous and want that old D so you go to rescue your husbando but he's not there so you decide fuck it and go on a big gay world tour
>>333262625
I made it too obvious
>>333261417
Dangan Ronpa?
You stomp on mushrooms
Some generic college student (probably a dumb stoner) wakes up on a boat with a bunch of obnoxious idiots and they have to add up some numbers to survive.
Some fat bird decides to start shit and you're forced to run around blowing everything around you catching all sorts of weird fucking diseases with bizarre symptoms. End up catching up to fat bird and blow him away. You then take over his castle and the people give you all of their food in tribute.
>>333262702
Chou aniki?
>>333261965
Every Bethesda game ever.
>>333262935
Kirby Superstar: Spring Breeze
>>333261965
Did you write that to sound like every modern Bethesda game on purpose?
>>333254865
Triforce hunt.
>>333263260
No but I kept it intentionally vague so it would fit both games in the spoiler tag. I guess in the end "dynamic open world" games all fall short in one way or another because people (and developers) have such huge expectations on them.
Though I don't see how the described difficulty curve applies to any Bethesda game after Morrowind.
You play as an arrogant and sexist photojournalist who just can't fucking shut up about the fact he's covered wars before, and you go on a shitty 6 hour trip to a shopping mall in the middle of Bumfuck, Colorado and uncover a half-backed plot about capitalists using bees to make zombies.
>>333261270
nailed it
bitch invites me over for cake
ends up getting her ass kidnapped
>tfw no anal sex & cake tonite
The protagonists are trying to stop Not!Hitler from taking over the world when a clown suddenly ascends to godhood.
>>333263558
portal 2...
j.k.
mario 64
>>333261201
>fat man with god-complex tied with desire to be walt disney half the time.
Fucking hell dude you just lit up my day. Can't stop laughing. Ima save this one
>>333263613
ff6
>>333263676
It wasn't a particularly hard one but you did a good job anyway
>>333263628
Glad to be of service anon. Have a better day than you would've.
>>333262702
Hitmang
>>333263732
No, thank (YOU). Shit like this is what makes me come here.
>>333263187
Very.
>>333263859
Is this the part where we touch butts?
You and your coked up buddy go on a shooting spree throughout Shanghai and end up being double crossed by everyone along the way
>>333254865
It has about as much artifacting as that shitty image.
Spike Spiegel is Tom Cruise.
The plot is a nightmarish clusterfuck involving time loops and bad translations. Most of the game is just killing shit for money and better augments.
>>333263949
If this is the plot to yakuza i kinda wanna play it now.
>>333264082
>Shanghai
>Yakuza
You are dumb as fuck.
>>333264063
E.Y.E
>>333264082
No, it's Kane and Lynch 2
A homeless mechanic who lives in his garage kidnaps a newborn and destroys nearly an entire species together with their planet
You fight terrorists
Then you become a terrorist and nuke Area 51
>>333260606
Devil May cry ?
>>333259920
Always Sometimes Monsters?
>>333264358
Do you have a single fact to back that up?
You start off in an obvious armoured van.
It has the word piza on the side so it's ok.
There are monsters but you can never call them by there obvious name.
There is a black box
Get the black box
Mention black box as often as possible
The enemies will wrek you without mercy
Bosses are easy.
Worst script ever.
In the end you don't shoot the big bsd.
Everyone on your team gets arrested.
You decide to take a day off.
You play as some faggot dude with an annoying girlfriend that calls you every 5 minutes. The moral of the game is "memes".
You are gonna save your people from slavery by turning in 4-legs scrub.
>>333262890
You have to take care of a brat who can't stop crying, while endlessly and literally shitting yourself during every level.
>>333264553
Number 1: That's terror
>>333254865
You and five other guys are given random objects to take to a city, while carrying your object you are ambushed by a b-list celebrity and his hired spics.
Ooga booga rolling, jumping and flying
>>333264587
MGS2
>>333264763
Fuck you Chandler.
>>333264062
No one?
>>333264531
nope, it only takes place in a single shitty town
slow paced game with clunky controls where you play german prisoner trapped inside a dome the entire time doing fetch quests and if you choose the wrong dialogue people will hate you forever
>>333264657
Yoshis Island
>>333264763
Fallout NV.
Youre a teenage girl in the mall, then you go to a shitty town, the subway sucks, dogs are just left to roam free. Then you go to the amusement park and ride the carousel. You hope your dad picks you up soon.
>>333264801
Crash?
>>333256073
Touhou 10?
>>333265158
SIlent Hill 3
>>333265158
SH3
>>333259920
Twin peaks?
>>333265158
Silent Hill 3
The local old fogey gives you his balls and tells you to shove off and go out innawoods and just record what you see claiming it'll help you grow as a person or some gay ass shit. As you wander through the wilderness you have a run in with some thugs which leads you on the trail of a mass conspiracy involving a nearby city's local governing body and the gang working to create a powerful weapon. Eventually you cause the gang leader, who also happens to be the political leader in conspiracy town, to rethink his ways. He goes into hiding and isnt heard from for the rest of the game. Eventually you find the weapon and either destroy it or use it as your own.This is the story of the first game inthe series.
>>333261965
The first time I played adventure mode, I made a character named Douch WhipWhip, the Whip of the Whips, because whips were op as fuck.I have a drawing of him done by the developershe looks nothing like I'd imagined him
>>333265257
Close, litteraly Twin Peaks: The Game
You start in some ugly ass depressing looking forest area , nobody fucking speaks english , your weapons can't shoot for shit and move in a arch trajectory , there are invisible traps that can instantly kill you everywhere , some areas you are artificially cut off , the objective is to kill some faggot , then you realize the faggot is you all along , then you go to some electrical producing facility to destroy some magical pillar.
Some asshole tries to kill you then some rich deuchebag runs out of no where and sends you off to save his cousin or some shit after giving you a wallet
>>333265319
Deadly Premonition?
You grind and grind and grind and grind and grind then get killed by some max level faggot and then you grind and grind and grind till you hit the level cap and grind for gear so you can do the entry level raid for 6 months until you have enough gear to do the second tier and then the third tier
It's a piece of shit ugly game with literally no content. The graphics suck and look like they're from 2005, and the game still runs like ass. When I say there's no content, I mean it; the game is totally reliant on mods and YOU to make shit happen. The game is hugely unimmersive and doesn't even pretend to be a functional narrative or world. The community is bulging with cancer and gangs of underage autists cluster around a few select shitty, autistic gamemodes and servers. It used to be great, until Youtubers attracted clumps of cancer to it. There used to be huge updates, but they've gotten much less frequent recently.
An accurate reenactement of the life of the local florida cop shooting hobos high on bath salts
You and four random idiots try to figure out whose fault is it that you lost.
>>333264567
Vampire rain
>>333265181
Close
>>333265472
Sounds like Garry's Mod.
It's Total War but for autistic people.
>>333265449
yep
>>333264801
>>333265575
Akuji the Heartless?
you get woken up by some bitch. you follow your fatass uncle into a shithole and then he dies. after talking to said bitch you then wander around collecting pendants because some old dude told you to. after rescuing 7 other useless wenches you are able to confront a wizard pig man. his special attack is turning the lights off.
You run around wearing a little girl's ribbon over your face. Also everything is basically your fault, the plot is convoluted as shit and barely makes sense.
>>333265592
Mount and Blade?
You come to town to help some hippies fight the government you used to work for. Then some dickhead stabs everyone and you go on a quest to stab him back eventhough you did it once a long time ago but forgot about it.
>>333265736
No, more about the strategic aspect.
Hint: It's from Scandinavia.
>>333265353
stalkerino shadow of the chernobelorino
>>333265507
condemned maybe?
>>333265592
dominions throne of ascension?
>>333265668
A Link to the Past, also kek
>>333265353
Cheeki breeki: SoC
its a shit rng fest that will waste so much time that could be spent doing anything.
>>333265586
It also applies to Minecraft.
>>333265878
Destiny.
>>333265878
Any MOBA
>>333265878
Hearthstone?
>>333265592
Crusader Kings
you choose your fave racist caricature and fight off against other assorted stereotypes from around the globe. no 'levels' to speak of, just a bunch of boss fights. a bit shit really, and the strongest character is a cyclops wearing gym shorts.
>>333265974
Street fighter 2
>>333265963
Correct
>>333254865
You are an Asian tranny, and the game punishes you for fighting back against the enemies.
You get to pick between a bunch of cliche-as-fuck, generic, unimaginative sci-fi races (or boring humans), and try to expand across the vast its-fucking-nothing of space. The tech tree is subjected to bullshit RNG which could screw you out of absolutely essential techs like point defense, armour, or shields for your blocky, badly modeled, garishly coloured ships that you have to ball-achingly decide what module or weapon goes where for every single special snow flake design you come up with. There isn't any planetary management outside of sitting and waiting for two bars to fill up after you planted your individually worthless colony ship on it. The voice acting is atrocious and the art looks like it was drawn by a 12 year old.
>>333259920
Deadly premonition?
your character is weak as fuck, they use a pea shooter that gets shittier if you get hit and the local flora instantly kills you. you basically run around doing things that other people tell you to do, and perform mundane tasks such as looking for dogs.
>>333266187
undermeme
You return home and have to figure out why no one in your family bothered to pick you up from the airport or answer the phone.
>>333266357
gone home, come on that's too easy. Plus you're giving it waaaaay to much credit, it's much more shittier than that.
>>333254865
A sequel to Dragon Age: Origins, you play as a human named Hawke who escapes from the Blight and ends up in Kirkwall, a city where templars and mages are all but at war.
Can't make it sound shittier than it already is.
>>333266392
The fact that nobody was home when their daughter returned from living abroad for months really bothered me. What kinda asshole nightmare family does she have where that happens? They didn't even leave a note.
you and your best friend get framed by your country as traitors and decide to become actual traitors. later on said best friend betrays you to rule your country and you schmack him so hard he turns emo. you fight a giant two headed wolf demon god which is suddenly there. later you slap the emo out of your best friend and your dead sister suddenly isn't dead anymore. credits.
Hit it until it dies 4 Ultimate
So you have this living weapon, okay? You may think "Wow a living weapon sounds kinda cool" but no its not. Why? Damn thing never shuts the fuck up. When it does speak, it doesn't even speak in coherent words, it just warbles. Much like every god damn thing in the universe. And about this living weapon? It shoots rocks. Blue rocks, red rocks, bomb rocks, blue-er rocks, and robots. You can also use it as a spear but only in like 3 areas you are allowed to even do that. The rest of the time you are using to to fall on your ass. Literally. And the FPS portions of the game is pretty shite by todays standards.
Oh yeah, and you are a furry.
The whole game is a sewer level except the parts that aren't which are even worse
>>333266480
the sister left a note. in the attic. and the only way you can find it is by going through some dumb fucking convoluted scavenger hunt.
>>333266526
I really want to get into Monster Hunter
You're a fan of Halloween masks, heavy cardio, and cool jackets.
>>333254865
>n*gger
back to /pol/
banjo tooie
>>333266589
The parents could have just left a note that said they were stepping out to save their marriage and deal with their bratty daughter. Instead they leave a crime scene and hide the key to the front door. Also her bags were just left outside in the rain....
>>333266692
meant for
>>333266541
You kidnap a bunch of people and force them to play this game you made and you all die a bunch and you get a cool superpower but the downside is you're way uglier than you remember.
>>333266572
metro?
You go to New Orleans after hurricane Katrina and make things worse. Your best friend looks like Elvis.
>>333266675
>being offended by nugger on a pacific knitting forum
>>333266823
Twice as Bright.
>>333265268
Pokemon RBY
You grind in a dungeon for 80 hours looking for an underwater tree and half of a city.
An ancient evil is about to awaken and you must collect the seven Chaos Emeralds to keep its alarm clock from ringing. Story is absurdly flat.
>>333266895
I gotta try.
I know.
>>333266728
The parents left the sister to greet you, she was probably supposed to explain to you where they went, but the dumb cunt ran off.
You grab all the shit you grabbed in the last game but only have 3 days to do it
>>333267019
And then her GF was court marshaled for abandoning the military. This is Clinton era so being gay is even worse.
>>333264247
r&c
>>333267015
Man that fucking ending killed me.
>>333267103
>her GF was court marshaled
Didn't they run away in order to avoid exactly that?
I don't know, the entire story barely registered because it was so dull.
>>333267074
zelda majora facial replica 3D
>>333267145
Second son killed me even more. It didn't even feel like it was the same universe. Chole and zeke wouldn't make sense in the world of second son
>>333267173
The government will find then. It's hard for a 17&18 year old to get away outside of suicide (which should have been the ending)
>>333267173
That's the only logical conclusion of the story. The sisters girlfriend went fucking AWOL practically right before stepping onto the bus for boot camp. She would have been declared wanted for questioning at the very least. When they do get caught, which they are going to because they have no fucking money, the military is going to slam her ass with a court marshal.
Its called pathologic
The main potagonist is a dumb private detective who is also broke and gets his ass kicked in the first cutscene(it happens again in five minutes). He meets a fucked up old man, a wierd flying planet and a bunch of other lame creatures. They all live on a dumb rotating planet. Also, the battle system sucks ass.
Put hundreds of lives at risk to acquire some shekels, no-one dies anyway because if they do you just reset the console.
A game where almost 80% of the doors are locked, barely any enemies, annoying controls/camera angles and a laughable story at best.
>>333261965
>Stalker
Maybe SoC but CoP is largely bug-free.
>>333266601
it's a pain for newcomers but once you get the gist, it's fun as hell.
You have to try and command an RTS-size army with action game controls. Camera is fixed like a prerendered PS1 game even though the levels are 3D. Story can be generously described as ridiculous, and the main character doesn't even have a sense of humour about it.
>>333263937
Not him but yes
A watered-down fighting game that died quickly even though the visuals are okay.
Most of the cast is female, but they all dress like sluts with the exception of two. The roster size is miserable in size, the characters were never balanced correctly and the team who worked on it didnt even like fighting games.
>>333265471
Every MMO ever.
>>333268043
SkullGirls?
>>333266187
Fucking kek
You get a choice of around 10 weapons were only 3 of them are good
Kill bosses to get gems then another boss takes the gems, you fight all the bosses again and afterwards the gems just go power up a robot boss
This robot is "Unstoppable" but someone crashes a bigger robot into it and it dies
>>333268126
You are correct.
you and your dipshit dragon friend have to save shit from a bunch of FUCKING ASSHOLES with big nipple piercings and other spooky demon creatures and some annoying cone headed fatass wants to fuck you all the time.
>>333267518
Resident Evil?
a fucking demon king gets freed because some dumb cunt can't accept his father dying and a whole continent goes to war in the result. two siblings try to stop the demon to get freed but fuck it up and kill countless people in the process. they don't show any sign of regret killing everyone that crosses their way. the game has great strategic components and map design but because the enemies get murdered by your team even on the highest difficulty none of that matters at all.
>>333267518
Silent Hill, surely
You have to kill your only friends in order to live with your homosexual son and ugly wife, and then you die for no fucking reason.
GOAT
People get pissy over hats instead of weapons.
>>333268549
Winrar
Out of the blue some dragon comes and fucks you up and you spend the rest of the game fighting wolves. In the end you fuck a fat guy by accident because you didn't know he was your beloved.
The expansion is the same few floors repeated over and over.
A colorful cast of ice skaters from different dimensions get anally raped by two furfags, two weeaboos, and a balloon.
>>333254865
you have this massive stupid island so you can get fucking lost and have to malk fucking literal miles before you get anywhere. The fucking controls are convoluted, press these 50 fucking keys to move forward and another 50 to shoot accurately, what the fuck.
>>333268948
Selene best waifu
>>333269638
That's a funny way of saying Fournival.I agree though
