Did you hear about the player who tried to hug a creeper?
No, what happened?
>>336321648
Did he getdestroyed?
>>336321648
SOmeone post some pages of the book
holy shit is he alright?
>>336321648
I heard he blew up lol
>>336321706He was destroyed!
HE
Looks like a green mossy dick.
WAS
>>336321783
Oh my God I'm so sorry. Please have strength in these tough times. I will pray for him he is in my thoughts. Again I am so sorry.
>>336321648
I know i did.
>>336321648https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N9KGfgg-d8s
Post it.
I need a reason to start drinking.
DESTROYED
>>336321648
How are these jokes
>>336322024
They're jokes for 6 year olds. Seriously.
Did you hear about the player who was destroyed?Kylo Ren kills Han Solo
Did you hear about the mudslime who was a creeper?He was the bomb!
>>336322639
I actually laughed at that one.
Racism makes even the worst jokes funny!
>>336323025
Time to play: which one actually had the exploded punchline?
>>336323186
the player who walked into two creepers
>>336323186
It wastwo of them. One right after the other.
>>336321926
>needing a reason to drink
LIGHTWEIGHT
>>336323258
and the guy who walked into two super creepers?super destroyed
>>336321783
crying rn
>that time when someone dumped whole pages of the book
Never felt that dirty before. Even if a kid did write those I'm upset a parent would enable that. I get kids are weird but come on, why publish that.
HE DIDN'T HUG SO WELL
Did you guys here about the guy who loved a creeper?his heart was destroyed!
>>336324082
I'm curious
sorry for bad english what does destroy me?
>>336324246
creeper
>>336324230
Do you really think I would save something like that?
I read some of those out to my friends I was talking with at the time and I'm pretty sure he's going to kill me next time we see each other.
>>336324246
Dead
Gone
Finished
Removed
Wrecked
>>336324246
apology for poor english
when were you when player dies?
i was sat at home eating smegma butter when pjotr ring
‘player is destroy’
‘no’
I laughed so hard I cried the last time those jokes were posted, from the sheer mediocrity of them
That's a win in my book
>>336323025
i don't understand these jokes
i know this is an edit but I didn;t understand the non edit
>>336322472
I'M FEELING LIKE A STAR,
YOU CAN'T STOP MY SHINE
I'M LOVING CLOUD CITY
MY HEAD'S IN THE SKY
prepare to have your sides destroyed, anons
>>336324463
It isn't your book though. You didnt publish it?
>>336324678
fuck why am I laughing at these
these are so absurdly un funny they become funny
>>336324678
>The only semi-decent joke in the book implies gruesome foot dismemberment
>>336324678
>de-feeted
Brutal
>>336324682
cheeky
>>336324780
I just love the needless over-explanation
That they even used "hostile mobs" fucking kills me in a way that doesn't make me laugh.
>>336321648lava
>>336324678
>A bomb that sneaks up on you
but that's already what a creeper is...
>They blow it up
they don't though...
>How did Steve feel after he stepped on a landmine
There are no landmines in minecraft...
What the fuck?
>>336324678
>He felt de-feeted
Haha oh wow.
>>336324901
You can place TNT underground with a pressure plate on top to make a landmine
>>336324678
>>336324860
>punchline longer than the setup
Did you hear about the anon who read a book full of Creeper jokes?His sides were destroyed!
>>336324901
What's making me laugh the most is seeing people's reactions to these jokes
>>336325046
>made those before
>delay between the the plate being stepped on and the tnt blowing up is so long anyone moving at any pace would be clear of the explosion
Why the fuck do they think this game has landmines in it?
Why was the new minecraft player unimpressed when he ran into a chest full of diamond pickaxes even though he was getting really really tired of using wooden pickaxes for 10 hours?Because they are a diamond dozen!!!
>>336325363
Feels like jokes might be literally harming me in some way every time I read one.
>>336325247
Place tnt and a sand on top
So the player falls
>TFW you kill autistic kids and witness them raging
>>336325363
haven´t you gonne into abandoned temples in the dessert?
in that place are a lot of landmines with treasures close to them as bait to player
>>336325506
That lego one isnt even a fucking joke
>>336324678
>>336325195
>>336325363
>>336325506
I have even worse cancer now, thanks.
All these jokes are making me want to play guilty gear
>>336325363
I like to imagine that last line is the joke in itself
>>336325195
That first one isn't even minecraft related what the fuck
>>336325506
These are barely even jokes
what the fuck
What did The Thing say when he wants to build a castle?IT'S COBBLESTONE TIME!
Why don't miners need a bed?BECAUSE THEY HAVE BEDROCK!
Why did Enderman kill the female minecraft player?BECAUSE HE WAS MADE TO END 'ER, MAN!
>>336325506
>the lego one
I hope you guys are enjoying this as much as I am
>>336326067
these are legitimately not that bad
>>336326067
These are already ten times better
>>336325363
>>336325506
Maybe this book was written by one of Microsofts AI's experiments
I mean no person can shovel out that many shit jokes
Right?
>>336326131
Why do they only make jokes about explosions?
>>336325363
>>336325506
I can feel myself getting stupider as I read these. I don't even think I would have found this funny as a five year old.
Did you hear what happened to my will to go on after reading these jokes?______Ur a faget
>>336326314
Did you hear what happened to the kid that always played minecraft?his uncle rubbed him in his nono place.
A son to his mom:
>Mom, how many good boy points will playing minecraft all day net me?
The mother:
>Son, you're 23, you can't play games all day, you need to find a job.
The son:
>But mom, I'm posting with my friends from veevee about minecraft jokes.
The mom:
>Anon, I can't take it anymore, I'm going to kill myself if you don't start doing something with your life.
The son:
>But, mom, I'm winning!
mostly out of kneeslappers, now for the bad jokes
>>336326641
>did you hear about the player who dug straight down?
>He didn't make it
>>336326641
>he didn't make it
>>336326067
Enderman confirmed for goober gators.
>>336326641
>he didn't make it
Jesus christ
>90% of the punchlines are about an explosion of some sort
something something blowing up a dead horse something
>>336326641
>he didn't make it
poor bastard
>>336326641
>he didn't make it
>>336326641
>He didn't make it
>>336326641
>He didn't make it
Holy shit, I'd expected some cringey "haha lava!" joke but this got real fuckin' dark real fucking fast
the morbid jokes continue
>>336326641
well this got real depressing real fucking fast
>>336326641
>He didn't make it
Was the author in EOD or something? That would explain all the landmine jokes.
>>336327813
>tfw you realize these jokes were written by a disabled veteran as way to cope with PTSD
>>336326641
Jesus fucking christ anon, what the fuck?
Does this kid suffer bipolar disorder AND autism? One second e's telling corny-ass lame jokes that he legit seems to think are funny, and the next he's going full existential depression.
What's wrong with this guy?
>>336327693
>"Sure, what flavor?"
That man is drowning, why are you making the jokes now?
>>336327926
This isn't some kid's blog these are out of a licensed and published book you can probably buy at Barnes and Nobles.
>>336326641
aren't jokes supposed to defy your expectations? instead of just saying what would actually happen in each situation
>>336326067
What do you call a Minecraft mob that stalks women?A Creep 'er.
>>336326641
>he didn't make it
holy shit, that stopped the fun dead in its tracks
>>336326796
>>336326983
>>336327186
>>336327419
>>336327578
>>336327678
>>336327813
>>336328183
literally all of these are me
>>336328438
you have a great sad reaction folder, anon
>>336328438
post your reaction images folder
>>336328168
Did you hear about the player that hugged a creeper?
He was completely fine.
>>336326641
>He didn't make it.
>>336325506
>Legos don't have booby traps
Someone's never stepped on those fucking things barefoot at night
subverting expectations is for pleb tier normie humor
>>336329410
that last one was alright... maybe....
the ride never ends
>>336329569
I want to great kill myself after reading these
>>336321648
these are the joke equivalent of those creepy kids games with the uncanny valley lovecraftian disney characters
>>336328438
Have me.
>>336329410
Why did the player attack the slime?
Well, it definitely wasn't to tell a joke, because that "punchline" was literally just a description of why you would want to kill a slime.
>>336329569
I actually unironically like wordplay jokes, so the witch to itch one is OK by me. Still, there's a missed opportunity with a potion joke in there.
Even when they get it right, they get it wrong.
>>336326641
>She's trying to wash them off of her, but her skin is really smooth.
>>336329785
How did you get that picture of me?
>>336329569
>failures
That's just savage
>>336329823
ELECTRO-MAGGOTS DOESN'T EVEN MAKE FUCKING SENSE!
SLIMES ARE LITERALLY BALLS OF SLIME! CUBES, ACTUALLY! THEY ARE NOT IN ANY WAY WORMLIKE!
FUCK THIS GUY! AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!
>>336329569
>Failures
geez, harsh.
How much adderall does it take to write and publish a book full of shitty minecraft jokes?
>>336329823
>what's black and jumps up and down in a forest?
A prison escapee trying to get away from the dogs?
>>336329823
>Q: What's black and jumps up and down in a forest fire?
I don't even understand how some of these are supposed to be jokes
infinity better minecraft joke
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1MsvBqmxy9Y
>>336326641
>he didn't make it
That got pretty dark for a kids book
>>336321648
DESTROYED
>>336330208
Imagine a sad, miserable writer. He clutches his glass of bourbon and looks at the clock, it's 3am. The faint glow of his computer screen reveals the Minecraft wiki open in 57 different tabs. He sighs and opens word. He has only written 16 Minecraft jokes today and if he is to meet his deadline he has to write 20. He is desperately tired and this glass has finished the bottle. He just wants to sleep. Finally as the clock strikes 4 he decides to just write "DESTROYED" 4 times and call it a night.
He cries himself to sleep, alone.
>>336330556
That's it. I can't take this anymore. I'm out.
>this thread
>>336330208
>emphasizes the witch in sand-witch
so is he saying the player ate witches or something?
>>336330556
>Why did the wolf point to the player when it saw a killer bunny?
>He knew killer bunnies only attack wolves if players aren't around!
>>336330671
>He didn't make it.
it's riddle time, fellas!
>>336328113
>What do witches eat?
>Creepypasta
shit, that's mildly clever.
>>336330556
>That last one
>This book was actually published
>There is probably a kid out their using these jokes in a sad attempt to get friends.
>>336330671
this was probably written by a guy with an english degree that doesn't get any work. probably took him about an hour
>>336330912
riddle answers, don't cheat!
>>336323025
did you hear a
a skeleton?
>>336326641
>did you hear about the player who blew himself up with TNT?
>i'm sure you can guess what happened
H E W A S D E S T R O Y E D
>>336330912
>The spawn
>A killer rabbit
>no
>The spawn
>sure as hell not Minecraft because Minecraft is only 8x Earth
>Ender Dragon
>>336330967
He wrote an entire book of these jokes. He wrote like 8 easily and by the end he was clutching his scalp wishing he was dead trying to scrape the barrel for something, anything. Lucky for him he could just steal any witch, cat, pig, etc puns.
>>336330028
"What's gray crispy and hangs from a tree?"
is this a hidden race joke
>tfw you realize the Anon that's posting pages from the joke book isthe author of that joke book desperate for any attention to make his life even remotely worth living
>>336330958
Oh my god.
You're right.
>>336330556
At least the cactus is happy
>>336331152
poor op, i will buy your book someday
>>336330958
I told my 6 year old nephew some of the jokes and he didn't even crack a smile (and he fucking loves minecraft). Should be so thankful, I guess.
>>336331387
you probably weren't telling them right
>>336325415
I told that one to my fiancee and she looked at me like i was stupid. thanks, anon.
>>336331419
>'Have you heard the one about the player and the landmine?'
>>336330060
As much as you can fit in a double chest!
we have some haikus and limericks, too
warning: you probably do not want to even read these
>>336330978
>the forest biome joke has no answer
I have no idea how many layers this joke is working on.
>>336321706
How many copies must the sell to break even?
This is sometop Notch humor
>>336331701
>>336330978
>Monty Python Killer Rabbit jokes
Do the rabbits even do anything in Minecraft to warrant the comparison?
>>336331701
>someone spent time, got paid, spent other people's time, got approved, wasted literal tons of raw resource, permanently altered the Earth, and added irreversible entropy to the universe in by making this
IT'S NOT FAIR
>>336331789
Saved.
>>336331878
Harold?
>>336326641
Oh i get it!
He didn't make it, because there's bedrock and you cant did through it!
>>336321648
That thing looks like The Hulks dick
>>336326217
Because if they are bad, then his jokes bombed.
If they are good, then his jokes are the bomb.
>>336331904
>Some 13 year old faggot Carlos'ed a better joke in this thread than anything in the book
I hate you
>>336332129
It's way darker than that.
You're supposed to dig in a spiral.
If you dig straight down, when you hit a cavern you'll fall in and die.
>>336326067
The Thing is my favorite movie but don't understand that joke
>>336332296
>not digging a 1x2 hole straight down so that if you were to fall in you'd see it before breaking what you're standing on
dumbasses i swear
>>336323025
Did you hear what happened to the people who played minecraft?they all fucking died, you little shits
>>336330943
is this a zone flash
post sauce nigga
>>336324082
>kid
Clearly written by an autistic spectrum
>>336324082
it was written by some hippie woman and her minecraft obsessed son
>>336330060
120mg
I can literally hear some spergs and their forced laughter every time I read one of these
Just 'ha ha ha', always the same length, always the same pitch, them looking around to see the other spergs laughing with them
>>336332746
followed by "hey check out this funny minecraft video"
>>336332746
THIS ISN'T EVEN MY FINAL FORM
>>336331904
You should write a book
Why did so many jokes revolve around blowing up and lava?
>>336333002
those are the two main ways you die in the overworld
>>336332927
>everybody dies
you mean: "everybody was destroyed"?
>>336332994
shit man i should. I got it, "Jokes for Vault Dwellers!"
>What happened when the vault dweller tried to pet a deathclaw?
>HE WAS DESTROYED!
>>336329684
Go on.
>>336333059
Ok so why did so many jokes revolve around dying?
>>336333150
>What happened when Butch deceived the Lone Wanderer?He was a lying snake!
>>336333150
not
>he clawdin't get close enough
>>336333237
if you wrote a book like this, you'd probably think about death a lot too
>>336332746
I laugh at some but its because they are so fucking stupid
>he was destroyed
>he didn't make it
>>336333237
>Upside down
>revolve
Have you heard of the penis that was kissed by a loli?
>>336333296
Yeah but you see, that's actually a good joke.
>>336333425
IT WAS DESTROYED
>>336333425
yeah, I get that shit every night
>>336333380
chill m8
>>336333150
What happened when China dropped an Atomic Bomb on the United States?
They had a blast!
>>336333425
>McMichael clamed this post was a joke
>>336331906
I think it's a Easter egg
>>336333326
top fucking kek
>>336333425
it wasarrested!
>>336333501
Shit m8 I laughed.
>>336333438
Nah, a good joke would be something like:
>What happened when Butch went to sleep?He was a lying snake!
Have you heard about that anon who tried to find friends?
He didn't make it.
Who has the page with the extremely over-detailed description of the dragon?
What happened to Cloud Strife who attacked Guard Scorpion while his tail was up?
What happened to the goomba who walked under Mario?
What happened to the demoman that tried to sticky jump while having less than 65 health which is the average damage a sticky bomb does to the player who placed it while standing on top of it?
Is this book a desperate cry for help?
>>336333341
>implying "he didn't make it" wasn't a genuinely awesome joke
What is worse? The jokes or the pictures that accompany some of them?
Obligatory video for a Minecraft thread
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lt3WUtq9kIs
>Michele C. Hollow is an award-winning writer who learned about Minecraft from her son, Jordan. She is the author of several children's books.
>Jordan P. Hollow plays Minecraft every chance he gets and he is an avid reader, especially on the subject of Minecraft. He loves grilled cheese and is a high school student.
>Steven M. Hollow is an accomplished writer, actor, storyteller, puppeteer and teaching artist.
>Minecraft
>Highschool
Holy shit all those dots are starting to connect.
>>336334496
Oh no, now I'm starting to feel bad. Where did you find that?
>>336334496
>>Jordan P. Hollow plays Minecraft every chance he gets and he is an avid reader, especially on the subject of Minecraft. He loves grilled cheese and is a high school student.
guarantee you he's done a presentation on minecraft
>>336334496
writing that book must have netted so many good boy points
>>336334731
https://www.allenandunwin.com/browse/books/childrens/childrens-non-fiction/Jokes-for-Minecrafters-Booby-traps-bombs-boo-boos-and-more-9781408877876
>>336334761
If not that then at least a couple of papers he has done have involved minecraft.
>>336334817
he probably spent them all donating to his favorite modded server
>>336332469
>Clearly written by an autistic spectrum
More like clearly written by someone who wanted to make easy money. He probably doesn't even know what Minecraft is about aside a few google searches and asking kids on random communities about their stories.
>>336334496
>Steven M. Hollow is an accomplished writer
The only other books by him I could find only involved New Jersey.
>>336332346
he meant the rockman from the fantastic 4
>>336335065
>415 pounds
must be some pretty valuable tips for fun in there, like how not to accidentally drive into the ghetto
>>336334496
I think I found Michele.
Here's one I came up with:
>What happened to the player who entered the End portal?
>He was destroyed!
>>336335429
Nice one!
>>336334496
>female "comedians"
>>336329823
>>336330028
>What's black and jumps up and down in a forest fire?
>What's gray crispy and hangs from a tree?
What
>>336334496
The Hollows kinda freak me out. They should at least change their last name.
Try to make a family friendly minecraft joke.
How were Hansel and Gretel found after the witch took them away?They left a trail of Breadstone
>>336335429
CHORTLE
H
O
R
T
L
E
>>336334496
Did you hear about the Hollow that went into Darkroot Garden?
ᵇᵉᶰᶦˢ
>>336335689
Minecraft is devoid of humor. Its not possible despite what millions of youtube parody videos will try and tell you.
>>336335689
Minecraft Story Mode.
Did you hear about the player who dug from below into a pool of lava?He was destroyed!
Did you hear about the thread that posted Minecraft jokes?It was destroyed!
Wtf is this from a physical book that actually exists!!??
Jesus christ this thread made my fucking night. I havent laughed so hard in months.
Did you hear about the obsidian block that was buried in a million TNT blocks, then one of those blocks was set alight by Steve using a flint and steel?It WASN'T destroyed!
Why did the scarecrow win the award?
>>336336608
He was outstanding in his field.
>>336336608
Because Steve voted for him!
Why the chicken cross the road?
He was destroyed!
>>336336608
Because he was transgender!
>>336323273
Wrong, there were actually 3 with that same punchline.
Knock Knock
>>336336608
He was destroyed!
>>336336901Do not open it, for it may be a creeper!
>>336337032
Come in
>>336336901DESTROYED
>>336337208
I'll open it!
