Oh shit nigger, you're a Barbarian.
Your current quest is to infiltrate the King's Dungeon and rescue a prisoner. What do you do?
Previous threads:
http://pastebin.com/sR3G3F2A
https://www.mediafire.com/folder/ici3zlnn9ytyy/ADVENTURES
>>317675356
dig yourself a hole
>>317675356
stick your finger up the guard's butthole
>>317675356
politely ask to be let inside
>>317675447
"Don't come near me you filthy savage. I'll stab you!" said the guard when you moved to stick your finger up his butthole
>>317675447
OP avoid posts like these, I guarantee you he's using a scripting tool
>>317675706
try to stick it up his butthole without him noticing
>>317675706
Do a speech test to pass.
>>317675929
It fails, but as he tries to hit you with the spear, he trips and hits the peasant instead
>>317675929
Install a "better dialogues" mod
>>317675929
"plz"
>>317675973
YOu listened to him and leave
"Yeah, go back to your shitty mudhuts and tents you savage"
>>317676214
Turn around and say "What the fuck did you just say about our mudhuts and tents?!"
>>317676214
You have a change of heart. Turn around and attempt to stick your finger up his butthole from behind. He won't notice. Trust me.
>>317676214
if it's dungeon, why not dug a hole to get to that dungeons? doors are for fags
>>317676214
Take off your barbarian costume to reveal you are Tito from rocket power.
>>317676214
Take some charisma classes to improve speech check ability
>>317676214
Be enraged by the insult and charge at him
>>317676318
"Sssssso do we have a sssshovel or ssssomething?" asked one of your party members
>>317676491
Use the talking skull helmet as a shovel
>>317676491
Hit him so hard he turn solid, open his mouth and use him as a shovel
>>317676491
we are barbarians, we need no shovels to make a hole
>>317676491
Use the snakes stupid hat as a shovel
>>317676617
And so you start punching the ground
>>317676787
Sultan Snake says thats how hard he pounded your mom
>>317676787
Punch faster
>>317676787
ground punches back
it's earth elemental
>>317676787
The snake man says you can't do it which only encourages you to dig punch faster
>>317676787
A homosexual pops out of the ground and sucks your dick.
>>317676787
you fall through the floor and enter the dungeon
>>317676827
"Awww yeah, that totally happened"
"Gasssssp"
It's Bard Snake's Evil Twin: Sultan Snake
>>317677106
Barbarian's tears from hearing these news make the ground soft and weak
>>317677106
Punch him in the boner.
If you decided what the next adventure would be, rather than using Strawpoll, what would you choose?
>>317677106
Kill sultan
>>317677106
>Evil
What, because hes middle eastern? Thats messed up man.
>>317677106
you find a huge cavern while punching the ground, use Sultan Snake as rope
>>317677189
>>317677187
>If you decided what the next adventure would be, rather than using Strawpoll, what would you choose?
Eh, probably something post appocalyptic.
>>317677358
Back to punching dirt.
>post apocalypticDickass Raider Adventure
>>317677358
use Sultans dead body as rope for the cavern you found
>>317677358
attempt to cast an earth spell
and remember only pussy ass paladins say I cant
>>317677467
And so you went back to punching a hole in the ground
>>317677358
rest in peace
Sultan was only misunderstood snake, use his corpse to as shovel
>>317677572
The hole you punched released all the demons.
>>317677572
Check progress of broken ground
>>317677572
your mom shows up and tells you thats how hard sultan snake pounded her
>>317677572
You feel a tremor
>>317677572
Punch harder.
>>317677572
The ground politely asks you to stop
>>317677689
"Pleasestop, Mr babararian"
>>317677797
Mr Barbarian was my father's name. I hated my father.
>>317677797
"no"
>>317677797
[X] HATE EARTH
>>317677797
Piss on the ground.
>>317677797
Tell him you'll stop once he stops being a bitch and lets you in
>>317677797
BARBARIAN STOPS FOR NO MAN.
Except he's earth
>>317678016
Make sweet love as an apology
>>317678016
FUCK YOU
>>317678016
Dig a hole all the way to the dungeon's final room.
>>317678016
pound it harderwith your dick
>>317678016
Marry Earth.
>>317678119
"Hey, how's the dig---And I'll just leave you to your business then"
>>317678351
and thus earth elemental was born
>>317678351
Earth blacks out. Dreams of crab knight kisses
>>317678351
The Earth doesn't want to touch yo nasty ass dick, it makes a path to the dungeon for you
>>317678351
EAT EARTH
>>317678459
"What the fuck man"
>>317678617
Rollan for this guy >>317678401
>>317678617
It's good for your heart
>>317678617
EAT MORE EARTH
>>317678617
Share with wizard
Touch thief inappropriately
>>317678617
The Noble girl's body guard gets tired of this and asks the dungeon guard if you guys can go through
>>317678617
Assure them that this is all part of your ingenious plan through mouthfuls of dirt
>>317678648
And so an Earth Elemental was born. Normally they're created by wizards shooting magic into the ground but this time it was semen that was shot into the ground.
This fact traumatized the Elemental for life
>>317678925
Poor boy.
Get him some therapy.
>>317678925
"Why, Papa? Why?"
>>317678925
Say "I HAVE NO SON" so he can run barreling towards the knight guarding the door
>>317678979
THe shame and trauma caused him to attempto hang himself.
But it failed
>>317679190
Tell Rocky to quit lollygagging and help you dig a tunnel.
>>317679190
Barbarian proceeds to hug Earth Elemental to calm him down.
>>317679190
Use the broken branch and rope to ride him like a bull
>>317679190
You give the elemental therapy the only way you know how
>>317679190
Punch him in the face.
Teach him what it means to be a true barbarian earth elemental.
No more of this whiny emo shit.
>>317679190
Ghost mom is proud of her new grandson, but also feels older
>>317679326
"They grow up so fast....."
Ghostmom is silently contemplating the meaning of life and the passage of time.
Luckily nobody asked how does a ghost cast a shadow.
>>317679551
ghost mom shows love to her grandson
>>317679551
Everyone laughs at earth elements while he crys like a bitch
>>317679551
Thanks to that montage offscreen we now have a hole dug leading inside.
>>317679551
A black hole appears and threatens to swallow the world.
>>317679551
Dump your new son to your moms care and finish the dig
>>317679551
The ground begins to contemplate its own life as the party starts walking away.
>>317679190
This is some beawulf-tier shit
>And lo, he lay with the earth, and the earth protested, and he partook of the earth's flesh. So then the earth up-threw Ro-ki the earth elemental, born of man's loin. And a mood most dire overtook this new titan, son of barbarian, son of earth.
>>317679628
YOu have succesfully punched a tunnel into the dungeon
>>317679759
HFS pours out
>>317679759
Have golem- I mean our dear son go first.
>>317679759
Jump in
>>317679759
Laugh at the door guard.
>>317679759
you encounter Toddsworth Howardson, the Charming and truthful salesman, chained up in the dungeon
>>317679759
Now go kick the door-guard's ass for the XP before picking the lock on the door.
>>317679858
"Hey! THat sounds like a smug laugh of a man who has successfully dug out a tunnel into the dungeon right under my nose! Did you successfully dig out a tunnel into a dungeon right under my nose?! I'll stab you if you did!"
>>317680048
"Eh... no?"
>>317680048
STAB HIM FIRST BARBARIAN RAGE
>>317680048
No, i just pounded the dirt.
LIKE YOUR MOM LAST NIGHT
>>317680048
Shrug convincingly at the knight
>>317680048
Try any and all speech checks, then go and pickpocket his spear.
If all else fails let him stab you then punch his tin-can face in while you trap his weapon in your chest.
>>317680048
[Speech 28/30] Uh... No?
>>317680126
"Good answer....for now"
>>317680294
Dig under the knight
>>317680294
Steal knight's hat as a taunt while underground
Check in with Ro-ki.
Tell him about how awesome his first skull of blood will taste.
>>317680294
Jump in the hole already!
>>317680609
The foundation collapses and the knight breaks his neck. He becomes quadriplegic.
>>317680609
PUNCH HIM IN THE DICK FROM UNDERGROUND
NARUTO STYLE
>>317680649
"How will I stabb intruders now"
>>317680881
Unable to stab intruders, the knight falls in a dark depression. Our band of adventures carry out his last wish; to be wheeled off a cliff to his death
>>317680881
Steal his armour to disguise rocky
>>317680881
With your dick
>>317680881
Steal the cripple's gear. He wont need it
>>317680881
We can make him better. We have the technology. We can make him faster.. stronger.. smarter..
.. but we don't want to spend a lot of money
>Select all wheelchair images
>>317681050
After seeing such a tragic display the Clerics begin to question their faith
>>317681050
He lands on a chopper. Boss fight
>>317681050
rip knight
a-all he wanted to do was guard his gate ;_;
>>317681139
Why is there a chopper in medieval times, nobody knows. Must be time travelling shenanigans
>>317681327
Quick back in the hole!
>>317681327
Matrix force stop his machine gun bullets
>>317681327
Mad sprint back to the hole as minigun fire rains down upon us
>>317681327
BARBARIAN TOSSES ROCKY AT HELICOPTER
>>317681615
"I'm proud of you, son"
>>317681615
smashed helicopter assembles into metal elemental
>>317681615
>>317681846
it's a hot metal babe
>>317681615
Meanwhile, our party is already inside getting rekt by a giant fat guard
>>317681715
"THANKS, DAAAAAAaaaaaaad..."
>>317681946
NOW BACK TO THE CASTLE
>>317681946
>>317681846
and it's a very hot babe and your son loves her
>>317681946
Now get back inside the dungeon, prisoners await
>>317681946
Your quest continues, as your son starts his own journey into manhood.
>>317682057
Earth Elemental Adventures - Starring Ro-ki Balboa, coming to an imageboard near you
>>317682305
"Son, stop stealing my screen time"
>>317682305
Punch the author for making such a bad pun
>>317682305
Back in the tunnel you find a door.
>>317682305
Meanwhile we're inside the dungeon, waiting behind a guard patrol wondering what to do
>>317682568
Ohshitnigger our wizard is having a super awesome wizard duel with the dungeon's wizard
>>317682568
Oh shit a dullahan is blocking the way forward.
>>317682568
sorry for what?
>>317682568
Take a lunch break
I fell like the time frame for replys is getting shorter and shorter
>>317682815
"You can do it Wizard, just use the pain of loss!"
>>317682815
the blast kills both the wizards in the process, but simultaneously reveals a hidden passageway in the rubble
>>317682815
Sneak behind the enemy wizard
>>317682815
Time to turn up the heat
>>317683061
activate BURNING KANCHO
>>317683061
Take his hat
>>317683061
Now's your chance to do what you couldn't with the knight. Stick that finger up his ass
>>317683061
Time for an impromptu prostate exam
with your fist
>>317683275
Turns out he has prostate cancer, break the news gently.
>>317683275
Rip his spine out
>>317683275
OH MY GOOOOOOOO-
>>317683275
FIRE
>>317683334
And so you ripped the wizard's spine out
Through his ass
>>317683496It was the wrong wizard
>>317683496
Wash your hands
>>317683496
RULES OF NATURE
>>317683526
Oh no! Only-1-Day-til-Retirement-wizard! How could you?
>>317683717
The other wizard slowly starts to back away
>>317683717
[speech 40%]He was trying to pickpocket you
>>317683872
revive him as undead wizard with your neat shaman skills
>>317683872
Lightning Wizard does a successful surprise attack on Dungeon Wizard
>>317683872
time to shill your toothpaste
>>317683913
Goddamnit man you haven't put a single point into Shaman, you can't do that
>>317683872
you decide not to talk about this ever again
>>317684035
you sure? try cleaning your skill, maybe there is a number before zero
>>317684035
Once you get a point put it inbard
>>317684035
smile upon dead body
>>317684035
ask anyone in your party if they have enough Shaman skill
>>317684114
Indeed. But you need to earn enough XP to leel up first
>>317684290
Then go in the hole and earn enough XP to leel up
>>317684290
>leel
Tell jokes to lel up
>>317684290
Beat body until you level.
>>317684290
The dungeon has disappeared
It's one of those fancy "never in the same spot for more than 30 mins" dungeon
>>317684359
"Jokes? I love jokes, let's hear one then"
What joke should you tell?
>>317684497
"How do you keep an idiot in suspense?"
>>317684497
Why did the rooster cross the road?
>>317684603
"Why?"
>>317684689
To prove he wasn't chicken!
>>317684689
[INT 1] I forget
>>317684748
ba dum tish
"heh"
"That's pretty funny"
>>317684902
Wait we rescued the person we were sent to save right?
>>317684902
Hi Todd
>>317684902
+20 XP
>>317684968
Damnit, the dungeon's gone. You'll never rescue your dad at this rate
>>317685067
Wait cleric revive wizard please.
>>317685067
Welp, next quest till we find that dungeon again
>>317685067
Ask ghostmom to scout for dad's location
>>317685067
Sing a song
>>317685067
Punch reality until the dungeon reappears.
>>317685067
Get mad
>>317685098
"What? The enemy wizard who only had 1 day til retirement?"
>>317685273
Uh-oh
An incoming filler arc is on the way! Kill it before it gets too close!
>>317685273
He knows where dad is
>>317685273
He knew the recipe to a really good Mac n Cheese
>>317685273
For information and gratitude
>>317685301
"HEY! DID YOU GUYS HEAR ABOUT THE NECRO TOURN-"
>>317685502
OH SHIT HERE COMES ANOTHER ONE
>>317685502
The honest and charming merchant, Toddsworth Howardson appears and insists you pre order his new tonic, which will increase Vitality by 5
>>317685502
>>317685541
Go get them Mr. Cleric! \._. /
>>317685502
Go to the dungeon which moved like 50 feet away
>>317685502
THE FOUNTAIN OF PROBABLE POWER APPEARS
>>317685574
"Greetings adventurers! I see you're a hardy bunch, but that my friends is not enough to survive in this harsh harsh world. THat's why it's best if you buy my NEW tonic. Which will increase your VIT by a whopping 5! C'mon, buy it. You can trust me"
>>317685797
I dunno....
>>317685797
Can we mod it?
>>317685797
Pirate Todd Howards Tonic off of Pirate's Bay Cove.
>>317685797
Ask Todd the peasant if buying it it's a good idea
>>317685797
recruit him
>>317685797
Pre-order Tonic 2, it'll be much better.
>>317685838
"Just buy my tonic. It'll be good for you. Just buy it. It'll increase your VIT. You don't want to have low VIT don't you?"
>>317685971
How does it work?
>>317685971
You buy the potions with punches to his face, barbarians don't pay gold for shit
>>317685971
Pirate Todd's tonic
>>317685971
Give Todd a blowjob while snake pickpockets tonic
>>317686009
"IT JUST WORKS. NOW BUY THE FUCKING TONIC"
>>317686108
Wait for Obsidian-Chan to make a better Tonic
>>317686108
ROLL FOR PIRACY
>>317686108
HEY WAIT A MINUTE, THAT'S JUST WATER.
YOU TRIED TO TRICK US!
>>317686108
I still don't know...
You should really do a teamwipe with them so we get more barb adventures
>>317686149
"STOP STALLING AND BUY MY TONIC NOW. FUCKING DO IT. BUY THE FUCKING TONIC"
>>317686280
We'll buy it if you join us
>>317686280
Just go find the dungeon
>>317686280
Fall for his lies
>>317686280
buy the tonic but only if he gives you his sweet hat with it
>>317686280
I'll wait for the crac- "free" version.
>>317686280
TODD CONFIRMED FINAL BOSS.
BARBARIAN PREPARES FOR BATTLE
>>317686280
I SHALL PIRATE THAT SHIT
YOU CANT DO SHIT
>>317686280
Kiss Todd on the lips <3
>>317686280
Put the money in his mouth and stroke his cheek
