CURSED CHILD PLOT LEAKED
IT'S FUCKING SHIT GET IN HERE POTTERBROS
http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2016/06/10/harry-potter-and-the-cursed-child-spoilers-here-s-the-plot-of-the-play.html
>>70729492
>Draco Malfoy gets cucked by Voldemort
>literally an homage to My Immortal plotwise
The fuck I'm reading
>>70729660
We've had Book of Mormon and Hamilton threads in here before, the play is the canon continuation of the books and the films and this thread is for all Harry Potter discussions which include books, plays, video games and films.
>>70729660
As far as I am concerned, there's no theatre board yet, so this is the place to talk about it.
>>70729729
Plays are not /tv/ related no matter how insecure /lit/ and /ic/ make you.
>>>/asp/
>>>/lgbt/
>>70729768
You have /asp/
>>70729611
But he doesn't though, did you fucking read?
the Voldemort kid and "cursed child" isBellatrix's baby
>>70730038
>Voldemort's secret lovechild
still a hard pass tbqh
Fuck off
>>>/lit/
Why the fuck is Harry an asshole to his son? My childhood is raped. Jk has gone full Lucas
>Bane the centaur
THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING
Who cares
It's a fucking play. It is literally irrelevant
>tv
>play
MODS PLEASE
>Draco asks Harry to use his position as Head of Magical Law Enforcement at the Ministry of Magic to shut down gossip that a Time-Turner was used to allow Voldemort to impregnate Astoria, Draco’s wife, who gave birth to Scorpius.
What the fuck?
Draco got cucked, literally.
>The plot centers around an intriguing older girl with silver and blue hair, and inconsistent rules about time travel
Literally fanfiction
>>70729492
>Voldemort has a daughter
>Voldemort time travelled and cucked Draco
This isn't canon right?
>a Time-Turner was used to allow Voldemort to impregnate Astoria, Draco’s wife, who gave birth to Scorpius.
>>70729492
This is literally fanvitipn people. Voldemorts daughter? Scorpious going out with a Weasley? Fuck this shut. Rowling literally copied stuff from fanfictions
>>70730353
Yeah the fanfic stuff doesn't really bother me but Harry being a terrible father hits way too close to home. Fuck you Jack Thorne you hack cuntThe Fades was pretty good though tbhfam
>caring about literal childrens books that are poorly written past the age of 15
>past 2011
kill yourselves
>general
>etc
better yet, make sure to get cremated too
>>70730353
This. Harry would NEVER say that shit to a kid, let alone his own son. It's fucking up his entire character.
>>70730434
>>70729492
I can't believe any of you actually think this is real. For one thing Voldemort can't have a child since because he was conceived illegitimately (via Love Potion) he is incapable of love. So unless Draco shoved his wand up Voldy's butthole to stimulate his prostate and make him jizz while his flaccid penis was shoved inside Astoria's cunny, it's BS
>>70730966
TELL ME ABOUT BANE, WHY DOES HE WATCH THE STARS?
>>70730966
kek even this is fucked because Bane is one of the ones who were most opposed to people from Hogwarts being told about centaur predictions
>>70730984
There comes a point when denial is futile.
>>70731073
HE'S A BIG CENTAUR
>>70729803
Plays are not a sport, plays are not lgbt related no matter how insecure your own homosexuality makes you.
>>70730984
Read the fucking whole thing.
The person who fucked Voldemort is Bellatrix.
The baddie is their kid.
>>70731287
FOR UUUU
>>70729492
>Album and Scorpius go back in time using a time turner seeking adventure and to save Cedric because they're bored
>realize in doing so they fucked with reality
>spend the rest of the story trying to fix what they fucked up
>Harry is also a dickhead father
horrible.
>>70731476
It's also obviously the impact of the movies, who even gave a fuck about Cedric Diggory before he was played by the Twilight guy?
>>70731317
>The baddie is their kid.
guess they were evil on a genetic level
>>70729492
the time-turner was a shitty idea, rowling is a hack
>>70731573
His dad shows up again when its revealed that Hermoine kept her Time Turner to bitch at Harry to save Cedric.
One things for sure, its still easily one of the dullest franchise in the history of movie franchises. Each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.
Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody?just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.
>a-at least the books were good though
"No!"
The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."
I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.
>>70730705
>This isn't canon right?
>>70731476
The fucking time turner was good because he was based on Novikov's Self Consistency Principel, JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, you can't fuck up the past on Novikov because everything you do -already fucking happened-, it was the whole fucking point.
>>70731697
But why would Harry's kid give a fuck about Cedric? A shitload of people died in the books who they didn't save. It's such a fucking arbitrary plot point. Why would you make the canon sequel about that in the first place?
Imagine how awkard it would be to act this shit out in front of people. Holy fuck.
>>70731765
Every fucking time.
>>70731765
Such a classic pasta, thank you
>Rose Granger Weasly
>Not Weasly Granger
Does Ron have a cuckshed in this new movie?
Movie was entertaining and charming but the whole storyline has always been such a shit fest.
That was an awful plot.
Rowling really is lucky.
Does anyone have the whole script?
>>70731476
you forgot
>Cedric Diggory, because he's bitter about losing the tournament, becomes a Death Eater and eventually kills Neville Longbottom
what in the flippity fuck
>>70729492
>mfw
look, i've read fanfiction with a better plot than this, and im sure that i can find one with this exact plot on FF or Aoyo
> Yfw a self aware high budge my immortal parody would actually be better this this
IT....WAS....DUMBLYDORE!!!!!
"What the fuck are you doooiiinngg"
>>70731960
hasn't leaked yet. It comes out official on July 31st or something
>Harry Jr and Malfoy Jr being BFFs
>Malfoy Jr wanting to fuck Hermione Jr
>time turners being plot points
>Cedric being relevant
>Voldemort having a secret daughter
>Harry being a terrible person
>Ron being irrelevant
It's like Rowling took the most popular stuff about HP fanfiction and made it canon. All that's missing is Harry dumping Ginny for Hermione.
>>70731926
The last name is usually the one that gets remembered and treated as official, dumb cuckposter.
>>70731765
>When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.
what did he mean by this
>>70732034
>All that's missing is Harry dumping Ginny for Hermione.
Honestly surprised that didn't happen considering Rowling has been dissing Ron/Hermione for years. It's pretty clear if you read between the lines that Ron is based on someone she liked in High School as Hermione is her self insert, and with the benefit of hindsight she regrets using the books as an outlet for her fantasies.
>>70732034
>All that's missing is Harry dumping Ginny for Hermione.
That would actually be an improvement
>>70731980
> Dobby watching snape and lupin fucking in the hallway
I want this
I'd pay to see it
>>70731926
You're confusing a hyphenated last name with giving the wife's maiden name as the child's middle name. This is the latter.
>time traveling magical cuckold plot
Did Rowling hire a literal 14 year old fanfiction writer to script this?
>>70731980
Only if they got Michael J. Fox back.
>>70732034
all were missing now is inheritance, Ancient and Nobel Houses, dumbledore bashing, harry being related to snape somehow.
>harry being a terrible person
he was always a dick, but he was inherently a good person
>>70732205
>Ancient and Nobel Houses
Pretty sure this is something in the American wizarding school.
>>70731963
You can't be serious
Bitches love the BVC
>>70732216
>peerage in America
as an american, this ruffles my stars and stripes. i sincerly hope that they don't have a peerage-system for American wizards
>>70731798
oh thats really fucking cool but what if i fucking told you that when they went back to fucking present day reality was fucking different and Albus didn't fucking exist anymore so they actually fucking did fuck up and had to keep trying until they reversed all their fucking shit
>>70732230
That happens in one timeline.
>>70730757
>fanvitipn
After reading this synopsis I want whatever it is you're drinking
>>70732307
God, how does it fit with how the time turner worked before? If you used the time turner to meet yourself you would FIRST meet yourself and THEN, only after, use the time turner.
And now it's completely different. Fucking hacks.
what's with the /pol/ autist ruining every harry potter thread on /tv/
>Voldemort impregnated Astoria, Draco’s wife
>>70732405
Also you apparently dont have to bother spinning it anymore, since they go back like 20 fucking years.
>>70731826
>Imagine how awkard it would be to act this shit out in front of people. Holy fuck.
This could only be worse if it were a musical
>>70732424
Voldemort didn't do anything wrong, it's natural for wizards to rule over muggles and mugglemixing is pissing away your magic
>>70732247
You know, the subplot of the girl that turns out to be the secret daughter of the two most evil characters in the series could have been a well told story about a person having to deal with such shameful heritage, everyone seeing her as a monster when she is just a kid but instead apparently she is pure evil as well.
Almost as good as that "alternative ending" to the last book where Harry becomes headmaster of Hogwarts, Ginny transfer her mind to a bird to avoid aging and Voldemort is reincarnated as one of the new students.
>>70732429
That card applies as well to Ron, Snape and Rodolphus Lestrange
>>70732230
but I am
>>70730984
>So unless Draco shoved his wand up Voldy's butthole to stimulate his prostate and make him jizz while his flaccid penis was shoved inside Astoria's cunny
>>70732471
>but instead apparently she is pure evil as well
Try to remember how many publishing houses passed on the first book before Scholastic Book Club picked it up.
>>70732471
yeah, it could have been like a reverse-harry situation. harry had to deal with being famous, the "boy who lived", everyone thinking he was some kind of born hero. the girl would have the opposite problem, being infamous from birth and having everyone think she's a born villain.
>>70729492
This is the most convoluted shit I have ever read. I stopped about halfway through. Did I somehow end up reading an autistic emo middle schooler's fanfiction, and not an actual play script?
>>70730984
>he is incapable of love
You don't need to be in love to stick your dick inside a hole, kid
>>70730984
>you need to love the girl to get her pregnant
if only m8
>love potions routinely fuck with people in the book, including almost killing Ron
>Ron gifts a love potion to Harry's son
Did he hate Albus or something?
>>70732611
he was a bill cosby fan
>>70732611
How do you think he got Hermione to fall for him instead of the golden hero?
>>70729492
Holy fucking shit, this is retarded and I say that as someone that legitimately thinks HP is probably the best children's novel series of all time
>>70732598
>>70732691
For real though. Are there actually people that think this is good?
>>70732713
Apparently it got good reviews.
I still hope that this is all a ruse and that the actual play is about something else.
>>70732749
This. The real thing cannot possibly be so needlessly moronic.
>>70732749
I mean it got good reviews from people who paid 8 million pounds to see it on the very first night.
>leave potterkino to me
TL;DR
>Harry's son is a scrub.
>Draco's son is a scrub.
>They become scrub friends.
>Harry is a horrible father and a terrible employee.
>Hermione is a nagging boss.
>Ron exists.
>A time turner is found.
>Cedric's father wants it to be used to save Cedric. Harry refuses.
>Cedric's cousin honeypots Harry's son and Draco's son into stealing the time turner to change back time
>They do
>They mess it up evey single time
>They finally manage to undo their fuck ups and decide to destroy the time turner.
>Cedric's cousin is in fact Voldemort's daughter and steals the time turner to go back to the day Voldemort killed Harry's parents and stop him because that'll make him immortal somehow.
>Everyone travels back in time to stop it.
>Harry is overpowered and has to be saved from an 11-year-old girl by his scrub son.
>Everyone watches Harry's parents get killed again.
>Return to the future and go back to being miserable adults and their scrub children, but now they at least tolerate each other.
>>70732856
>grill Voldemort will never seduce you into helping her save her dad
>>70732830
>Making wizards an allegory for the LGBT movement.
Eh... Not feeling it either.
>>70732893
>implying werewolfism isn't an allegory for aids
>>70732932
Forty keks
JK fucking Lucas-ed all over the place because no one gave a shit about her "gritty" detective novels
>>70729492
does it say why hermione is black?
>>70733102
Her race was never defined. The author even BTFO the "white face" thing because it was obviously a "scared" synonym.
>>70732892
Great, now I have to fap to fanart of rule 63 Tom Riddle
>>70733102
Theatre does that kind of shit all the time but Rowling instead of saying that now tries to claim that since she never specified Hermione's race and that she could easily be black. No matter her personal drawings, the fact that she always mentions in the descriptions whenever a character is black and that she is her fucking self insert.
>time travel plot
No
>>70729492
>bringing Time-Turners back as a important plot point instead of letting them dead
That's it. She is completely out of her mind. Bet the the Creatures film is going to suck too.
>>70733211
And yet the Fantastic Beasts guy who the books describe as "swarthy" is played by Eddie Redmayne.
>Time turners are now back
>yfw you realise this is so they have an explanation for the inevitable Fantastic Beasts crossover
>>70733310
>Bet the the Creatures film is going to suck too.
Doubtful, considering it doesn't have time travel.
>>70733102
Same reason Hamilton has a black George Washington and a Hispanic Alexander Hamilton.
Theater is for rich white progressives.
>>70733430
But she is still writing it. And the play transcription sounds like a huge mess.
>>70733369
Obviously they just wanted Redmayne as the lead of the new franchise because he had just won an oscar and was already popular with teenage girls thanks to the Les Miserables movie.
>have to write a new Harry Potter story
>rehash everything from the past while using back to the future 2 as base for the plot
>Read Harry Potter
>Reads like a teenager wrote it for his English homework
>>70733211
>>70733102
>>70733198
>>70733483
Can a black girl be so scared she has a white face?
>>70733670
Mulattos maybe
>>70732474
Wat
>>70733687
Is she a Mulattos
>it's a time turner episode
>the time turner doesn't work as a closed time loop
There's no way this is real. Rowling is retarded, but this is some next level shit.
>>70733750
I don't know what Britain's racial standards are, so I dunno
The only characters that are normal and not raped were Ginny Wesley and Draco Malfoy. The golden trio, ASS, and the Mary Sue I&II were all terrible. People didn't talk enough about Ron for me to form an opinion.
Snape and Dumbledore are arseholes, not matter what she tries to say now.
>>70733795
Isn't Malfoy trying to get people to stop saying that Voldemort impregnated his wife?
>>70733795
Dumbledore was a good asshole though. Manipulative and scheming, but all for a good purpose. He was like the Bismarck of the series.
Snape was a cuck who never left the shed. More pathetic than anything else.
>>70732713
it's a play you plebian, the story is entirely to serve the performances
>>70730984
>I can't believe any of you actually think this is real. For one thing Voldemort can't have a child since because he was conceived illegitimately (via Love Potion) he is incapable of love.
Do you think you can't ejaculate if you don't love the person? Or that ovaries shut down if the woman is raped? The fuck?
I just want to know, what are they going to do when albus and scorpion travel back in time and see that hermione is white in the past and black in the present?
>>70733990
Hell, Voldemort probably knows a ton of impregnation spells.
>>70729492
>mfw not reading this shit
Nope, Harry Potter is over, I don't care how desperate Rowling is for money.
>>70732691
> HP is probably the best children's novel series of all time
You mean Animporphs
>>70734014
Obviously she'll be played by a black girl in the past you dense tard.
>>70733926
That's... not how plays work at all.
>>70733896
How isn't that normal? He's trying to save the little reputation he and his family, including his late wife, has.
>>70733906
Yes, but she's denying he played with Harry (and Ron/Hermione) lives multiple times. I mean, PS ends with him admitting that he tested the trio, thus why there was a puzzle for all of them to solve before Harry could face Quirrell/Voldy. He is an arsehole, and this bs of hers isn't enough.
>>70734043
I guarantee rabid tumblrcore Potter fans will eat this up and make it successful.
>>70734014
>>70734073
thanks for the laffs
>>70734072
Animorphs was so fucking good. I have a few friends who also read Animorphs religiously as children, we're all very successful types - I don't doubt that being exposed to some of the concepts in that book series at such a young age helped a lot, in particular elimist chronicles etc.
>>70729660
>implying this board isn't shit
It's not like we need another meme thread faggot, stop complaining and learn to hide threads you sissy faggot
>>70731926
Is Rose Granger Weasly black like her mom?
Speaking of Harry Potter, what's the news about that movie that's coming out? Is anything in the new Potter book going to be referenced in it?
>>70734176
Tbh I agree. If it's shitty HP threads or "what did he mean by this?", at least we're having some actual discussion here.
>>70729768
>mfw I long for a /the/ board
>mfw there will never be a consistent Musical General where I can shill La Chiusa
jdimsa
>>70733750
Looks like a normal britbong to me
Harry Potter is such a normie assmunch in this.
>Worries about his son not having enough friends
>Gets in a big fight with his son for being so unlikable
>Sluffs off at work and lets time turners stay in the world
Meh. I knew that new writers would splooge post-modern and make HP all edgy and "real"
Also lets make Hermione black and then self-insert the Mary Sue daughter as Rowling now in canon. Or is this canon actually?
Of course Draco's son is hated by all, big fucking surprise.
I just really dislike how they kept all my least favorite things, especially having Dumbledore in a painting give advise to Harry which imho is extremely disturbing and blasphemous but I kind of ignored it as "whimsy" but now that its a huge part of a story I am really offended that apparently Rowling (I am assuming any writer calls up Rowling and gets her approval) believes that souls are taken inside of paintings and that this is humane treatment of eternal souls and that God doesn't exist but souls do? Because I cannot see a universe where God is cool with stealing and imprisoning souls.
Also time turner was a one time only mistake not supposed to be a legit part of HP lore they would go back too like a Star Trek plot. Fuck this.
Sorry that was a bit autistic but I wanted to get that part off my chest.
>She says she wants him to fly out of that maze naked on a broom of purple feathers.
>>70734375
Why is JK Rowling trying to force cuckolding and humiliation fetishism into her story?
Does she have a secret agenda?
>>70734349
>I cannot see a universe where God is cool with stealing and imprisoning souls
autism
>>70732856
>albus and scorpious excellent adventure
>>70734401
Maybe she just wants the BBC
>>70729492
This is the dumbest thing I've read all year. Can this really be real?
>>70734375
Voldemort pervy daughter is the only good thing about this. And she is only good for lewd fanart. This play was a mistake.
>>70730741
Its rumors. Its Bellaxtrices
>>70734087
yes it is, it's why a lot of plays plots consist entirely of "two people sit in a room talking" which /tv/ would obviously hate
>>70734349
Chill out familio, it's just a painting that acts like Dumbledore.
>>70734401
hmmmmmmmm
So all that talk about how you can't use the time turners to actually change anything and any time travel is predestined was bullshit? You CAN change anything you want.
>>70734349
harry was always a shitty protagonist tho, litterally causes the coolest characters death and goes full emo smoking a fag in the schools parking lot while wearing thick black eyeliner and blasting angsty teen music
>>70734524
Not really, no. Most plays don't revolve solely around performance. The story actually has meaning. Are you illiterate or something?
And in any case, this plot is still horrible despite how much of a hardcore fan boy you are.
>>70734556
Or you can just ignore this shit. Character assassination is one thing, but she can't even follow the rules established in the books anymore.
>>70731293
if you think drama isn't the gayest thing ever you're living in a bubble, anon
a flaming homosexual bubble
>>70734556
>You CAN change anything you want.
Except in the end nothing changed.
>>70734651
yes, but alternate timelines aren't possible with the rules established in PoA
kinky
>>70734494
bellatrix wasn't killed in the last movie?
>>70734737
She was. I have no idea when she could have had a child, but Rowling feels the need to retcon everything else anyway, so what difference does it make.
>>70734737
Nothing makes sense. Rowling is a Hufflepuff. Blazing it all day.
>>70730966
Albus merely adopted the dangerous and dark cloud.
>>70734737
I guess she had a baby between books 5 and 6 maybe???
>>70729492
>it's a theater play
who cares
>>70734886
but the kid hasn't the same age as harry's kid?
>Harry watches his parents die
>apparently doesn't even consider that killing Voldy before that happens could save his family and friends
>doesn't consider the peaceful quarter century they've had since his death could be started 20 years earlier
There's still the horcruxes but all he'd have to do is tell his parents about each of them, and he'd most likely get a happy endingIf this actually happened I'd want the Dursleys to reveal the wizarding world to the muggles, sparking global conflict
WHY WON'T THIS CANCEROUS FRANCHISE DIE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Wait a second, the rumor is that Voldermort timed travel into the future...to cuck Draco? WHAT?
https://www.tumblr.com/search/delphi+diggory
>even tumblr isn't buying this crap
>>70734958
No, Voldemort's child is older. Apparently, the timing works because there was a gap in Bellatrix appearance in the books, but don't quote me on that because I didn't pay much attention to it. It's bullshit anyway. Tom Riddle Jr didn't want a child, he wanted nothing that reminded him he is mortal
>Voldemort doesn't understand love, which is why he was caught by surprise by Lily's protection spell
>Draco is described as a spitting image of Lucius
>lol Lucius got cucked by Voldemort
Reminder that Rowling didn't actually write this, a guy called Jack Thorne did.
>>70734961
Except the prophecy required that Harry get "marked as his equal." His parents had to die for him, and Voldemort had to try to kill him and get his spell rebounded, or otherwise he wasn't the one the prophecy referred to.
>>70735032
What's with the star sign thing? They're events, not traits.
It's good to read My Immortal again
>>70729492
Isn't this a little too complicated for a stage play?
I mean it has dozens of different sets and scene changes.
>>70735114
Didn't both Harry and Neville fit that prophecy though, in both the book and film series?
>>70735261
It's in two parts and a lot of that stuff can be done through basic set redresses, plus we don't know how much of this stuff is done through exposition.
>>70735261
Either they did magic, the reason people are praising this turd; or everything is an elaborated lie to prevent the real play to be leaked.
I don't know, both situations are hard to believe. Who wouldn't leak something in this age and
>Delphie finally appears and Harry, as Voldemort, pretends not to know who she is. She explains that she is the child of an affair between Voldemort and Bellatrix Lestrange.
How can someone write this shit
>>70735267
Yeah, but so if Harry prevented Voldemort from killing his parents and trying to kill him, then Harry would no longer be the one the prophecy referred to, and wouldn't be able to kill Voldemort (then or ever). It would be the kid he then went and marked, Neville. It would have saved his parents I guess but Voldemort still would have lived until years later when he'd get defeated (maybe) by Neville instead.
>>70735409
>thinking a Voldy baby from Bellatrix is that out of the question
>message of the story is that a name can be a burden
>great people have flaws
>story says voldy's daughter is evil because she's his daughter
miss opportunity there. she should have been a good guy. the central thesis contradicts itself.
>>70735554
>durr my mommy and daddy are evil so I SHOULD BE EVIL TOO!!!
She's a retard, that's the point. She has nothing but her lineage.
>>70732830
She should have went with this rather than directly continuing the Potter story. She could have done different times in wizard history.
>tfw no Dumbledore and Grindlewold story when they were young and good friends
>>70735554
>>70735554
>>70735599
Nah, Rowling believe people are bad because of genetics
>>70735671
Malfoy and his kid are probably the best characters in the play.
>
This could have been decent as a self-contained new adventure with adult versions of the HP kids, but instead they're immediately mucking with Voldemort's return, time travel, and a bunch of other bullshit
>>70735802
Save that for an actual book. This sort of works as a one-off play.
Besides the kids seem like the only good part about this whole mess.
>the entire thing is built on retarded time travel shenanigans
how can ANYONE think this is good? jesus christ it's literally on par with the worst fanfictions out there.
>>70735794
Narcissa wasn't written as bad, just Lucius. Malfoy was just pathetic and a daddy pleaser.
Slytherins in general, Voldemort, Tom Riddle Sr, Merope and the Gaunts, and now Delphie are all proof of this.
>tfw the fanfiction I was going to write as a joke called Harry Potter and the Mid-life Crisis where he's just an enormous asshole to everyone and is drunk all the time is better than this
>>70732856
So are She-Voldermort and Harry Jr. going to fuck in the inevitable book or movie adaptations?
>>70735554
>judging the characterization, themes and subtext of two plays from a barebones rundown of the plot on the internet
you probably think reading a movie's wikipedia article is the same thing as watching it, too.
>>70735409
I would have thought even voldemort would have just immediately killed her after she tells him shes his daughter. Like there's no way he would care for her and she'd just be in his way.
>>70736114
I sure hope so, though she would have to be 19 while Albus is just 11 for the timeline to work
>>70735429
>defeat Voldemort
>tell James and Lily about the horcruxes
>jump back to the future
>horcruxes were destroyed a few months after Voldemort tried to kill Harry Potter
Harry would have still experienced the scarring and trauma of losing his parents as a child; he'd keep all those memories, but everybody would remember his history different. I'm not sure if that counts or not as a fulfilled prophecy
This is just a prank right?
>>70736176
And that would be terrible.
Just terrible.
>>70734118
actually, no one fucking likes this.
>>70736147
Voldemort from the books wouldn't let a reminder he's flesh and blood around. This play is character assassination for him and Harry both.
Rowling is blocking her own fans on twatter for posting spoilers and criticising the play.
>>70736271
Good
You tasteless drones are showing your true colors
>>70736176
what the fuck was rowling thinking
>>70736335
>You
I'm not even a Potter fan.
How do you even do a play in two parts?
Do you buy one ticket and then have to show up for two different shows?
Do they come out at the end and just say "fuck you, come back for part 2 next week!"
?
FOR VOLDEMORT AND VALOR
>>70729492
Bellatrix had a husband, Rodolphus Lestrange.
He got cucked harder then anyone in this play.
>patrician art board /lit/ is ok with these new ideas and changes citing rowling is finally doing something good with her bad story
>/v/eddit plebs of /tv/, tumblr and /r/harrypotter are upset and say its bad
I can't stop laughing
>>70736514
>Blood Ball with the Scorpion King
>>70732653
Why would Hermione ever be attracted to Harry? He's like a brother to her and she knows he's a cynical jerk who hates her SJW bullshit.
Hermione should have went with Viktor Krum. He'd never argue with her like Ron does or get annoyed by her know-it-all behavior like Harry does. Not to mention he's athletic. Perfect catch.
>>70736271
>equating people wanting to know the story, especially people who are not the elite rich people who are the only ones who can actually go see it, with a guy who betrayed his friends to their death
>>70729492
this is fucking retarded
why does every fantasy series do a stupid fucking time travel plot it never ends well
>>70734014
AUDIBLY KEK'D
>Hermione is the Minister of Magic
WE WUZ WIZARDKINGS AND SHIEET
Also
>second graders infiltrate the Ministry of Magic and steal a time turner
Is that place the worst guarded place ever?
>Harry being an all around shit father
>Harry concludes that it must be someone—not something—wounding his son.
Top kek
Oh look, she included a macguffin, how unlike her.
>Bane, the centaur, tells Harry that he has seen Albus in the movement of the stars.
>>70731765
> Steven Spielberg
> Work of art
Oh dear lord.
>>70735616
>good friends
You mean young and buttfucking eachother with their wands casting spells to maximize their prostates orgasms
>>70737402
>movement of the stars
>stars
>stars are found in the sky
>airplanes are often found in the sky
Was this Bane character that Harry talks with on an airplane recently? I feel like a government body should probably investigate him, maybe something like the American CIA would be best suited for this task?
>Craig, another student from Hogwarts, rushes up to say the whole school is looking for them. Delphie kills him instantly.
Fucking kek
>>70732856
>Cedric's cousin honeypots Harry's son and Draco's wife's son into stealing the time turner to change back time
FTFYYes, I know Delphie is Bellatrix and Voldemort's daughter and Scorpius is actually Draco's
>>70736458
Do you really not know how plays work?
>>70736508
He probably prepped the Dark Lord Cock.
Loli Voldemort almost seems like a good idea. but literally any other plan with her would have been better. This is is literally worst than fanfiction.
Also what the fuck were the rest of Harry's Children doing during this fiasco? None of them inherited the ability to be right in the middle of plot points?
>everyone keeps saying voldemort fucked and impregnated your wife
>cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck
>they say you used a time turner and watched while jerking off in the corner
>cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck
>no one believes your son is actually your son insisting it's voldemort's kid
>cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck
>even your son boasts that he might be the son of voldemort
>cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck
>you literally beg your ex-arch rival to make everyone stop calling you a cuck
>cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck
>he's too busy being a shitty father and tells you to cuck off you cuck
>Time turners
FUCKING BRAVO YOU FUCKING HACKS.
Of all the possibilities, they went with time travel, the most retarded plot device.
>>70730434
BANE?
At least I've still got fanfiction.
>>70731073
LOTTA LOYALTY FOR A HIRED WAND
>>70732749
>Apparently it got good reviews.
Black Hermione.
>>70738576
>Also what the fuck were the rest of Harry's Children doing during this fiasco? None of them inherited the ability to be right in the middle of plot points?
James is a Chad busy fucking his way through half of Gryffindor and Lily isn't old enough to go to Hogwarts
>>70729660
>plays go to /asp/
quentin still bringing the mandrama heat
>>70732405
Because they were always meant to fix it, I guess.
>>70729492
Wait, we clearly see in the 3rd movie that the time turners operate on a causality loop (like in Terminator 1). Why are they ignoring the logic established in the source material?
Who Harry/hermione here?
>>70733102
Time travel shenanigans.
>>70729492
>Scorpius
Did George Lucas write this play?
>>70733102
Ron develops a cuck fetish for big black cocks, and after they've gone through chastity cages, Hermione tormenting him, her even gangbanging niggers, nothing satisfies his urges to be consumed by the black dingus. He ends up "borrowing" a time turner so he can go back in time and have Hermione's mother fucked by niggers while Hermione is still in the womb -- the ultimate kink. It backfires as Ron miscalculates and goes back too far. One of the niggers ends up impregnating Hermione's mother, and therefore becomes Hermione's father. This leaves Ron married to a butt fucking ugly nigress Hermione.
It's a profound statement upon the nature of race relations. Brava, JK Rowling!
>You're a big horse
>>70740000
>having a problem with Scorpious when the last two male Malfoy's were called Draco and Lucius
It's just the kind of stupid name that'd be used in a retarded "muh pure blood" family.
>>70740161
>Ron develops a cuck fetish for big black cocks, and after they've gone through chastity cages, Hermione tormenting him, her even gangbanging niggers, nothing satisfies his urges to be consumed by the black dingus. He ends up "borrowing" a time turner so he can go back in time and have Hermione's mother fucked by niggers while Hermione is still in the womb -- the ultimate kink. It backfires as Ron miscalculates and goes back too far. One of the niggers ends up impregnating Hermione's mother, and therefore becomes Hermione's father. This leaves Ron married to a butt fucking ugly nigress Hermione.
>It's a profound statement upon the nature of race relations. Brava, JK Rowling!
Someone should post this to JK Rowling's twitter for jewbook page.
>>70734265
tfw you want to discuss beckett and ibsen with /lit/ but no one there has ever read a play
/the/ please
>>70733483
Yo i got to see Dumezweni on the West End this January in a play called Linda and she's honestly a great actress. Like the best performance I've ever seen.
What do you expect from this marxist agenda? Of course people will cuck each other while the main characters turn into black, the children are unparented etc.
>>70731765
Some pasta will never go bad.
> Despite the kids’ open discussion that his real father could be Voldemort, Albus decides to stay.
> Draco asks Harry to use his position as Head of Magical Law Enforcement at the Ministry of Magic to shut down gossip that a Time-Turner was used to allow Voldemort to impregnate Astoria, Draco’s wife, who gave birth to Scorpius.
> Harry says he sometimes wishes Albus wasn’t his son.
> It seems the Time-Turner has a five-minute limit and Albus has suffered a nasty arm break while being snapped back through time.
> All this time travel paradox bullshit.
Seriously did she even write this one? If so she has officially fallen from grace. These are garbage plot points, especially since she has already established that time travel in her universe is linear, not weblike. What happens when you time travel happened already. Harry knew that he was the one that cast the patronus after going back in time, but his present time self thought it was his dad.
>>70739794
I dont know, Tim, I dont know.
What the fuck is this shit
I literally had to scroll up to make sure this wasn't an April Fools Day joke article.
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS.
>This can only mean one thing: Voldemort had a daughter!
>>70742233
> But Albus remembers that the love potion is spilled on the blanket just before he went back to Hogwarts—if they can find a chemical that will react with that potion, it will react and spell out a message at just the right time. His father will seek out the blanket again on All Hallows Eve and see their cry for help.
So let me get this straight. They have already established that time travel affects the outcome of the future, as seen when Umbridge is headmistress, and Voldemort is the ruler of the wizarding world. Yet a hidden message in an ink only visible after love potion touches following a very specific set of events, supposedly survives all the massive changes made in that timeline including quite possibly the death of Harry.
Is this a fucking middle school fanfiction now?
>>70729492
Why this? Why can't she just write an alternet ending where Harry either gets with SJW queen or Luny Luna? It's what everyone fucking wants.
wtf there are better hp quests pn tg than this
How does the same person that wrote the first 7 books end up calling this her own? Did she seriously completely forget how plot devices work in the last 10 years? This reads worse than fucking high school fanfiction Harry X Snape stories.
>>70730984
this made me spit all over my monitor, thanks anon
>>70733102
she tried to become an animagus and turn into an ape, but the spell failed and she got stuck half way
Scorpious is a rad lad. Best part of this mess.
