>"And the winner for the Best Director Oscar goes to... Anon!"
What do you go up and say?
>>70273525
Amy, I...
>>70273525
T-thanks.
>>70273525
thank you. now i know you hate long speaches...
*leaves*
>>70273525
Thank you.
>>70273525
Y-you too
Remember, don't be nervous anon. Just be yourself.
At the same time know that the entire world and the huge audience (including all your favorite celebrities and waifus) is watching you.
>>70273525
"BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME, CAMERON!"
I-if I pulled that off would you die?
*crickets*
It w-would be extremely p-painful. You're a big guy. F-for you
>>70273525
I'd like to thank everyone involved in the making of this picture, it was one of the most exhilarating experiences of my life. I'd also like to thank the Anons of 4chan, this is such a big award for me and I couldn't have finished my master plan without you guys.
>>70273628
>don't be nervous
>the entire world and the huge audience is watching you
How can I be not nervous?
Do you like Huey Lewis and the News?
GAS THE KIKES RACE WAR NOW
I'd like to thank the academy, my mom, and /tv/.
"Wahhh really!
I'm feeling just as happy as Bateman is when he gets a doubles! Haha, what you don't get that reference! Don't worry, my cool club at home does. We're on the Internet, and we're kind of a secret thing, you wouldn't know about us.
For example, they think I'm a big guy! Haha what I did mean by this! For you! Oops, looks like I'm making a fool of myself. JUST! Just fuck my shit up! Haha! Because I'm crashing this Oscar's night! Get it! Crashing this plane!
And with this Oscar, do I get I Harrenhall I supposh xD!"
Tell me honestly you faggots wouldn't do this.
>>70273525
SAN DIMAS HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL RULES!
I keep it classy
https://youtu.be/O0Q_nyjuEak
>>70273525
"Gas the kikes, race war now"
>>70273797
lol never heard that one before
Amy..I'm a big fan. To stand here next to you... it's all I have ever wanted. Thank you.
>>70273525
KILL
ALLL
WHITES
>>70273760
Can you imagine if some autist from /tv/ won it and gave a speech like this
The shitposting would be unreal
>>70273525
>throws oscar
HE DIDN'T FLY SO GOOD
There are no more barriers to cross. All I have in common with the uncontrollable and the insane, the vicious and the evil, all the mayhem I have caused and my utter indifference toward it I have now surpassed. My pain is constant and sharp, and I do not hope for a better world for anyone. In fact, I want my pain to be inflicted on others. I want no one to escape. But even after admitting this, there is no catharsis; my punishment continues to elude me, and I gain no deeper knowledge of myself. No new knowledge can be extracted from my telling. This confession has meant nothing.
"When you get to the point where I am uh you don't get to bring friends, in the beginning all I had was a flight plan that listed me, my men, my script but only one of the cast"
>>70273744
checked
"I'd like to start off this speech by saying that I think Coolsville sucks."
>>70273910
Does anyone have a bigger version of this image?
>>70273760
J*sus Chr*st.
Go suck a dick, dumb shits
Shoutout to Reddit!
Zack Snyder is the greatest working director in our midst today. I dedicate this momentous occasion to him.
That's a big honor.
>>70273525
3, 5, 0, 1, 2, 5, Go!
I was there in the back stage,
When first light came around.
I grew up like a changeling,
To win the first time around.
I can see all the weakness.
I can pick all the faults.
Well I concede all the faith tests,
Just to stick in your throats.
31G, 31G, 31G
I hung around in your soundtrack,
To mirror all that you've done,
To find the right side of reason,
To kill the three lies for one,
I can see all the cold facts.
I can see through your eyes.
All this talk made no contact.
No matter how hard we tried.
31G, 31G, 31G
I can still hear the footsteps.
I can see only walls.
I slid into your man-traps,
With no hearing at all.
I just see contradiction,
Had to give up the fight,
Just to live in the past tense,
To make believe you were right.
31G, 31G, 31G
3, 5, 0, 1, 2, 5
>>70273942
>>70273525
I'm a big guy, for Aidan Gillen who made this possible
"A nigger, a Jew and a grossly-obese Mexican walk into a gay bar. They approach a fat, cum-gargling faggot with a 2-inch-long, always flaccid penis using an Apple product at a table. "You wanna come back to our place?" the nigger asks the faggot. "You can toss my Mexican friend's rancid herpes-and-shit-covered salad and jerk my Jewish friend's wart-and-pimple covered penis while I ram my giant unlubed nigger-cock into your gaping oft-fucked asshole." 'Oh, literally nothing in the world would make me happier!' says the faggot. 'But first i need to accept this Oscar for Best Director. It will just take a moment.'"
I'd like to thank my fellow Oscar winners tonight, Brendan Fraser and Drake Bell, for their incredible performance and professionalism in my film. My Wife's Son was a true honor to work on and direct, and hopefully it can help to improve race relations and reduce the privilege that white men like myself are used to. Thank you, and black lives matter.
>>70273525
>"S-so who is this guy Oscar, anyway...?"
>*crickets*
>"..."
>hold up statue and point at it
>"He's NOT a big g"
>*music starts playing*
>>70273744
>>70273525
So hot...
Autistically propose to Eva Green on stage
>>70273525
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-cZ7ndjhhps
Just sing this instead of saying speech.
>>70274173
>Eva w-will you be my wife
>by the way I'm a virgin
>>70274238
>>>/9gag/
>gets up once name is called.
"Hello. I'd just like to say that this award means nothing to me and shouldn't mean jack shit to you. The reason I made this movie was to entertain people who love cinema, not a bunch of old jews who actually decide who gets this paperweight. I'm not the best director, I just directed a good film. Never nominate me or my wife's son ever again"
I'd like to take this moment to remember the holocaust and how many jews supposedly died... Speaking of which don't you think it's odd that the figure is 6 million? It does seem a bit excessive when you realise that those ovens in Auschwitz could only hold one at a time and would take an hour at least to completely cremate a christ kill-uhh I mean good natured jew.
>>70273525
Fucking normies
Before the show, I would prepare an eight foot long piece of paper with random names from top to bottom.
I'd then roll it up and put in in my coat pocket.
When my name is called I walk up on stage, pull out the rolled up paper, and let it unroll as it falls to the floor.
Begin reading the names.
Read as many names as possible before they actually bring me off the stage.
Just to see how long they actually let you stay up there for.
I'd like to take this opportunity to talk about the crisis going on in Europe. Unchecked immigration and forced resettlement of culturally backward and violent refugees has led to rapes, violence and even death. The world's commitment to helping the people of Syria is NOT a suicide pact for our own way of life. The time has come to stand up and make ourselves heard. Thank you.
>>70274312
>Never nominate me or my wife's son ever again"
I would be a tryhard contrarian and I wouldn't show up to the ceremony.
>>70274313
>>70274363
Can you imagine if someone actually said something like this
>>70274283
You got me
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gqpkZ2LPpps
Quiero agradecerle a mi paÃs y a toda mi familia. Aprovecho esta oportunidad para hablar de la situación de los hispanos en los Estados Unidos y especialmente de las mujeres hispanas, quienes deben enfrentar tanto racismo como misoginia. Algunos dicen que quieren hacer grande esta nación, yo les digo que nosotros somos una parte fundamental de ella. Digámosle basta al odio racista y a la opresión que sufren los inmigrantes, todos aquà somos inmigrantes o hijos de inmigrantes.
Señor Trump, puede usted besarme el culo. ¡Viva la raza!
>>70274443
Alejandro pls
>>70274443
>¡Viva la raza!
What's the name of that retarded mexican comedian who keeps yelling this out at his "comedy" shows and how mexicans rule shit?
>>70274443
BUILD THE FUCKING WALL YOU STUPID SPIC
BUILD THE FUCKING WALL YOU STUPID SPIC
BUILD THE FUCKING WALL YOU STUPID SPIC
BUILD THE FUCKING WALL YOU STUPID SPIC
BUILD THE FUCKING WALL YOU STUPID SPIC
BUILD THE FUCKING WALL YOU STUPID SPIC
Pssht no thanks.
Nothing personnel kids.
*teleports out of the theatre*
>>70274443
No bueno.
>>70274312
I wonder how big the fallout would be if someone would actually do that
>>70274443
Who gave this faggot a green card?
>>70274479
Don't know this comedian but a wrestler called Eddie Guerrero from WWE used to say that.
>>70274510
The same idiots who gave him an Oscar, apparently.
>>70274443
>>70274487
I'm calling my guy right now, and I tell you, I have the best guys, this is the best guy, if he weren't available I would have
>spreads arms
fifty, one hundred, maybe more, I don't know, I would have so many who could do the job, and they could do the job very well. Very well.
>everyone cheers and claps
>walk around a bit
>give a couple thumbs ups
And who's going to pay for it?
>>70274509
You would have to have such massive balls, plus it would be career suicide. So I doubt it would happen
>>70274479
Eddie Guerrero
This is a great award.
And for that reason Im out.
>>70274565
His name is gomez or lopez or something.
>>70274579
MSXICO
>>70274579
>people will unironically vote for this Oompa loompa faggot
>>70273525
>HOLLYWOOD IS A CESSPOOL OF DEGENERATE PEDOS. FREE MY NIGGA MEL
>>70273525
competition
id go on for a really long time then when the music starts pull an Anchorman
IM STILL TALKING
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PXuJtPQ2lkk
>>70274652
Of course they will, he's going to be one of the best presidents the US, no, the world, has ever seen.
>>70274652
>>>/tumblr/
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm CIA.
And I assume the powerstance until they play me off.
kinda weird so many of u watched this jumanji remake
thanks anyway
>>70274820
>if you don't like trump you're a blue haired SJW Bernout
Trump's just a retard, plain and simple.
>>70274906
soo he's a poltiician
thanks folks i'll be here all week
tip yr bartender, give em a nice tip
"You mindless mother fuckers continue to consume marxist propaganda manufactured by corporate jews while I have reaped all the benefits. You Americans will sit and clap at home at this parade of Jews as your culture slowly devolves, you will get fatter and your sons will be blacker, and your only means of escape will be these films, these films that pedal lies and sell a disguised utopia that will be the end of modern civilization.
You are balless, you are disgusting and you have no sympathy because this is the sorrow that you have reaped."
> this is the 10th award tonight for 12 Years a wife's son
>>70274652
I'd rather have a meme master who still shitposts on twitter even when he becomes president than some wallstreet insider
>Audience, I'm CIA
>I wasn't allowed to bring my friends
>Although they are not my friend, but people who work for the mercenary, the "masked man"
>Bane
>(audience gasps)
>>70273525
I'd like to thank everyone who worked on this film, from [Lead Actor] to [Supporting Actress] and everyone on set. I'd like to thank my family and friends for supporting me all these years. Thank you.
>>70275060
Cuck
>>70275013
>a skit follows, starring Aiden Gillen and Tom Hardy reenacting the plane scene
>Guys, Golden Globes are making fun of us again
>>70273525
>"I would like to first and foremost thank Hitler..."
>Thank you, I deserve this.
Nothing beats a Futurama quote.
>>70275164
>Jonah Hill gives you the award
>"and you've got the globes too"
>>70275005
You're a fucking retard. Good thing you're not old enough to vote
I'd like to thank my lead actress, Ellen Page. Is there anything that woman can't do?
>>70274173
Underrated post.
>>70275290
>Good thing you're not old enough to vote
That's the bernvictims you're thinking of
>>70273628
Who the fuck are most of these people? How much do they pay to be there?
>I'd like to thank my waifu, why is she so perfect lads?
>>70275328
***someone from the croud rises his voice***
>ACT
>>70274312
11/10
>>70275396
Another person further back stands up
"fuck a man!"
>>70275353
Why does anyone find her attractive?
She would be a 4/10 without makeup, and is a literal whore and porn star (paid to fuck on camera)
>>70274443
Sure anon. The hispanic inmigrants are the only people who suffer from discrimination and surely everyone there is a nice guy.
Fuck face is like you never lived on east of L.A
Jodido hijo de perra hipócrita, sabes que México tiene un muro en el sur y que el trato que inmigrantes sudamericanos y centroamericanos reciben en México hace parecer a los policias de USA como los Hare Krishnas?
Paseate por la central de trenes en el D.F y veras la realidad. Cabrón idealista
>>70275454
To the far left, a voice emerges:
"Kek underrated."
This means nothing to me, it is but a mere physical representation of a diluted sense of self-accomplishment. For all of you clapping right now, you are all part of the problem, one which hangs above us like a nasty plague. You all care about the glamour that is associated with such an award, yet never care for the films themselves. Tee bee aitch, the film that I directed is not worthy of praise not because it lacks anything, but because no film is. You see, we, the directors direct because we love what we do... we do not seek praise for simply reacting to something in a natural manner!
>At this point, I take my coat off, revealing a Che Guevara t-shirt, with his eyes x'd out
That's right, folks, I'm a communist in Hollywood. I know Hollywood is filled with conservative pigs, but I, the sole light of morality in a darkness of filth, am a communist. I know I'm breaking new ground here, but I believe we should all be considered equal, for we ARE all equal deep inside. Since this is the end of my speech, I know that now is the time that I should thank someone for this, but I won't. Instead, I hope you all reflect upon the meaning in my words, and have a good day.
>Leave in my private jet, to my golden mansion, where I fuck 4 supermodels at a time
>>70275512
To the far right, a heavyset man bellows:
"CHECK 'EM"
>>70275380
>>70275523
So brave.
>>70273525
First see if I could get away with doing this to Amy https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8HgWANva9Xk
>>70275533
>double dubs
>>70275378
Bottom rows, every meem actor and director you know and nominees from main films nominated
Upper rows, rich fags, executives, mostly production and post production crews
Upper upper row, journalists and pr people
Balconies, technical categories nominees
And outside of the theater, plebs and VFX crews
>>70275533
>>70273611
>>70275533
>A man in the far back who obviously snuck in, wearing his outdated and dirty tux from two decades ago, shouts "JUST" followed by him breaking down and crying while being escorted out by security
Fucking Brendan, no one invited you
>>70275396
>>70275454
>>70275512
my flanks
>>70274173
What would she say?
>>70273525
>Alright listen up you filthy kikes...
*walk off stage music stage starts playing*
This one's for the mommyposters!
>>70275636
>cuts to commercials
>comes back with Speilberg talking about the holocaust and how horrifying it was
"moot pls come back"
>>70275558
Would she be down?
just bee yourself, anon
>>70275355
And a good percentage of drumf supporters
I'd probably kiss amy on stage and thank her for voting for me. Then just your usual 'just be urself, there's no biz like show biz xd'. Probably leave my oscar at some party where i was too drunk to remember anything afterwards
OOGA BOOGA KILL WHITEY
>10 minutes of applause from rich white people in the crowd because im black
>>70275630
I'm too old for you, anon. Also i love Tim Burton, sorry.
>>70275523
The second I read the word communist...
Just fucking kill yourself.
>>70273525
You're all a bunch of self-important wastes of space, you don't deserve the millions you make, your talents are mediocre, your career brings nothing to the world.
I hate you all you bunch of smug fucks
and then I walk off stage
>Thanks.
>walk away.
or walk on stage and reject the award just for laughs.
"I'd like to thank the academy, my family, my friends, bababooey bababooey Howard Stern's penis, bababooey bababooey, my manager, the producers..."
>>70275747
>go to a Trump rally just to check it out and hear what the man has to say
>shows up an hour late like the professional businessman he is
>13 year olds sitting behind me talk about how awesome he is and how hey can't wait to post about it on 4chan (not kidding)
>Trump just talks about how much women love him and how much he beat his opponents by for 40 minutes then leaves
The guy is a joke.
I think it's funny when someone gets Oscar for Best Actor or shit they have all the time in the world to make a speech, but when someone gets one for Best Make Up or Best Animated Feature they start blasting the music on top of their speech as if to say "hurry the fuck up"
Thanks, but we need to realize how bad this industry is now. For example, Harry Potter was easily one of the dullest franchise in the history of movie franchises. Each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the seriesüf only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.
Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody?just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but itüfs certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.
>a-at least the books are g-g-good though
"No!"
The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."
I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King
>>70275558
>The look on all of their faces, especially based Jack
Awesome.
>>70273760
I would leave this place forever
>>70275747
Fuck off John Oliver
>>70273525
Ahhh, wow, I can't say that I expected this, so sorry if this speech is a little erratic.
Well, I'd like to thank the academy for this honour, as well as the producers for their unconditional support for my vision. This movie wouldn't exist of not for them. I'd also like to thank Paul (Dank) for his patience on set, the experience was intense at tines and he stuck with me through the hard times with all the calm in the world.
I'd also like to take a minute to bring up how it's awfully strange how the ovens in Treblinka would have to have burned over 8000 bodies a day in order to make the projected death figures accurate, and yet there haven't been any remains discovered on site. Weird, huh?
So thank you very much, again. I hope you all have a swell night.
>>70275747
>drumf
At least get your own memes right, Bernand
>>70273525
I make a speech on how pedophiles deserve support because of the persecution the suffer in the western world, and I dedicate my oscar to Roman Polanski and Woody Allen.
>>70276282
kek
>>70276479
>not mentioning Dan
>>70276695
Who?
>>70276118
>>70276318
Damn, you drumf supporters need to grow some thicker skin. You're so triggered it's hilarious
>>70276730
nickelodeon bloke who fucked icarly
"Vote for Rand Paul. Thank you."
>approaches the podium, slightly intoxicated.
Everyone, Everybody. I uhh...want to thank you all for nominating me tonight and letting me drink your booze.
>audience laughs
No, really uhh...theres a thing about being a director that...you're never short of a few kiss-asses, like yourselves, to applaud you when you win.
>Weinstein: "Thats enough, Anon"
Mm...I'm not finished.To all of you, uh, all you jews, all of you two-faced kikes, you sycophantic heebs who smile through your freshly whitened teeth at me, please leave me in peace. Please go. Stop smiling. Stop calculating this upcoming years profits. It's not a joke. Please leave. The Oscar's are over. Get out.
>>70274152
Fuck this made me laugh
>>70276763
Are you new?
A straight 10 minute rant on mods and janitors being fags who do it for free and how they delete my actress threads
"Id like to thank no one, i dont care about politics and mel gibson did nothing wrong"
"IM OUT NIGGA"
I... uh... t-thanks. I uh... thanks.
>Try to get out of stage, unsure of which side to go.
Where do I go? Here? thanks
>My left foot steps on air, and I fall off the stage
I would just mumble "niggers" and walk off stage
>>70276923
>My left foot steps on air, and I fall off the stage
How ADORKABLE, look at him! He's so relatable!
>>70273525
Hitler did nothing tbqh.
"All of the major Hollywood studios are controlled by kikes, pedophilia is rampant, limousine liberal celebrities who didnt graduate high school are telling you to outlaw guns and fight global warming, the media is controlled by four corporations and the government is controlled by jewish oligarchs.
*takes out gun and starts firing into audience.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HD0eb0tDjIk
>My fellow paedophiles..
>>70276923
haha Jennifer you're so relatable!
>I will never suck Emma Watson's toes
>blow my brains out on stage
FUCK HOLLYWOOD NIGGUH
>>70273760
>>70274152
I kek'd pretty damn hard
I'd play it like this.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2QUacU0I4yU
>>70277321
This except for the sex offenders instead of native americans
>>70274173
It can be done, just make sure that she's the one delivering the award
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B4kzceTpmAY
>I'll like to personally thank everyone on this beutiful planet that eats his steak well done, and with lots of ketchup. This award... goes for all of you
>>70277321
you know that was just some bitch brando was fucking who turned out not to be even native american.
Also that was the begging of retarded celebrities bringing up their pet political projects like anyone fucking cares
>I'd like to dedicate this award to Brendan Fraser. I'm rooting for you pal, wherever you may be.
>>70277482
Me.
>>70273525
I'm gonna be playing the game, do all the required ass kissing and campaigning required. I'm gonna do every disgusting thing required so that they believe 'one of us' and I'm going to be the epitome of the perfect future Oscar winner.
>What do you go up and say?
I go up the stage, take the oscar handed to me, stand in front of the mike, look out at the audience, take a long deep breath and say. 'Fuck this shit.' Slam my oscar on the stage and leave it as I walk away ; straight out the the venue and never to be seen again.
Screenshot this post
>>70278188
>stand in front of the mike
>mike
>>70277829
>Suddenly, a voice bellows from the back of the room
JUST
I'd like to thank my screenwriters for crafting a story about a deaf autistic Parkinson's ridden mute and making this award inevitable
>>70274840
Kek
>>70276774
Would you check this doubles?
"I have no one to thank. And I'm not making any more movies, I have my money now. I'm going home to watch some TV."
Then I put on sunglasses, walk off stage, and retire.
>I'd like to dedicate this award to Tommy Wiseau and Ed Wood
I'd like to thank all of capeshit for making my boring, regular movie really stand above it's peers.
*clears throat*
JUST
I left my Mom's basement for this?
I'M FROM BUENOS AIRES AND I SAY
Thanks Jews. I love you guys. Love the Jews. I love Hanukkah... uh, fuck that Holocaust right? I hate that, man. Mazeltov!
>>70275677
who is that guy? looks a lot like the character will ferrel played in East Bound & Down
>>70280862
In fact I prepared a song about how much I love jews.
Hanukkah matata
For the rest of your days!
The inmates at auschwitz
Probably never went up in a blaze!
Sing it with me now!
*clears throat and takes out spectacles, puts them on an unfolds a piece of paper I retrieve from my breast pocket*
CIA Agent: [to three prisoners] The flight plan I just filed with the agency lists me, my men, Dr. Pavel here but only one of you! First one to talk gets to stay on my aircraft!
[grabs a hood]
CIA Agent: Who paid you to grab Dr. Pavel?
[No answer, the agent fires his gun away from the prisoner's head]
CIA Agent: He didn't fly so good!
[pulls the hood back into the plane]
CIA Agent: Who wants to try next?
[grabs another prisoner]
CIA Agent: Tell me about Bane! Why does he wear the mask? A lot of loyalty, for a hired gun!
Bane: Or perhaps he's wondering why someone would shoot a man, before throwing him out of a plane?
CIA Agent: At least you can talk. Who are you?
Bane: It doesn't matter who we are, what matters is our plan.
[the Agent removes the hood]
Bane: No one cared who I was until I put on the mask.
CIA Agent: If I pull that off, would you die?
Bane: It would be extremely painful.
CIA Agent: You're a big guy!
Bane: For you.
CIA Agent: Was getting caught part of your plan?
Bane: Of course... Dr. Pavel refused our offer in favor of yours, we had to find out what he told you.
Dr. Pavel: Nothing! I said nothing!
CIA Agent: Well, congratulations! You got yourself caught! Now what's the next step in your master plan?
Bane: Crashing this plane... with no survivors!
*exit stage left*
>>70273760
memes lose about 96% of their funny when they are said out loud in the real world. Take my word I'm a meme expert.
I-im just the janitor here....
>>70274652
you need to go plebbitmblr
>>70280930
>doesnt know who the nature boy is
kill youreself my friend
>>70281087
>>70273816
yes you have
>>70281336
i have a lot better reasons to kill myself than not knowing an 80's redneck soap opera star
>>70281609
you tell them girl!
>>70281609
>faggiest comeback of the year award goes to
Shout out to the big guys who made it possible, this is for you.
>/tv/ goes into a craze for a whole year determining whether or not an oscar winner is a baneposter
>>70281697
clearly wasn't meant to hurt your feelings man but i guess it did
CALL A KIKE A KIKE AND WATCH HIM COWER IN FEAR
>>70275677
Jingle, Jangle, Jewelery, Jewelery...I've got a letter here from a young Laaady, it ses...Dear Jimmmmy...
I would thank the other people who worked on this movie...but it was my vision, not there's. They just did as told and yes did it well. But, this was my vision and as such, it's mine.
Also, my parents can go fuck themselves.
>walks up on stage
>accepts award
>thank you
>pulls out gun and shoots my self on live television for the whole world to see
>>70281742
In Motherrr RRrrrussia, Mcdonalds is good way to start day, with our Mcmuffin soaked in Wooooodka, and treat yourself to our hearty blackbean coffee with Woooodka. Happy workinks Morning!
I am Lovink Itsky
>>70273525
LOOK AT THEIR LAST NAMES EVERYBODY
>>70273525
Start singing Sinatra's "I did it my way"
>>70281887
>Also, my parents can go fuck themselves.
This
Fuck you mom and dad for not believing in me and bringing me into this world I the first place
9/11 was an inside job. Thinking the US president is the leader of the free world is laughable. Rothschilds rule everything. Every action someone in a position of authority makes that seems counterintuitive is actually just selling out their constituents in order to line their own pockets. When I die within the year, don't believe it was suicide or an accident.
>>70282300
I'd commit suicide anyway.
>>70273525
Fuck Hollywood. It's run by the liberal joos.
>>70273525
I just want to thank say "thank you" to [lead actress] You and I had great suction.
First I'd like to say thanks dad, I know you're up there looking down. This is for you. I'd like to thank the studio for believing another Gremlins movie was possible. I'd especially like to thank all our puppeteers. They're the real stars of this movie. Without them this wouldn't have been possible. I'd also like to thank the writers for coming up with some meme worthy gremlins that we'll be talking about years from now. And oh yeah thanks mom, thanks for always believing in me.
This is the whitest room I've ever seen. Kill yourselves.
>>70280930
That the Rolex wearing, diamond ring wearing, kiss stealing, WOO! wheelin dealin’, limosuine riding, jet flying son of a gun and I'm havin' a hard time holding these alligators down Ric Flair...
I'd become hysterical and then grab a picture of Dan Schneider from my jacket and yell HE CAN'T KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH THIS. Security would then escort me of the stage while the jewish media find an interview from me where I say something negative about a muslim black transsexual Hillary Clinton supporter shot by white cops who just happen to be members of the Ku Klux Clan.
BABA BOOEY BABA BOOEY
I'd like to thank ASR for motivating me to become a director. My entire life in Hollywood has been solely motivated by wanting an excuse to meet and then marry her.
>>70273525
'Transgendered people' is a double misnomer.
Good night and may the Christian God bless you all
>>70273525
I just want to thabk the central infromation agency. without them I would have never been the big guy I am now
>>70273525
Chicken Tendies and Dr. Pepper
also the game
>>70283217
>central infromation agency
Gas the kikes. Race war now!
>>70273525
LICK ASS AND SUCK MY DICK
I grab the mic real close and start performing intense asmr giving everyone in the crowd tingles that they weren't aware of.
>>70273708
>audience is silent
>nervous laughing
>"come on guys"
>silence continues
>microphone in the back turns on
>spotlight focuses
>it's Tom Hardy
>he's dressed like Bane
>"well perhaps we are wondering why someone would write a speech, before checking these dubs."
>>70273525
"Eat a dick JJ, you kike"
FUCK HER RIGHT IN THE PUSSY!
Woah!
Thanks to you guys, this is for all the feet lovers out there. People called me crazy, they thought a film solely about feet and their soles wouldn't be successful but when a man dreams something so powerful, there's no force in this world that can keep him from achieving it.
Also would like to say we are working on "Feet: The Feetening vol 2" expect it summer 2018
Peace!
*BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAART*
I'd like to thank myself, because without me, none of this would have been possible.
>l-look at me guys, I'm one of the BIG GUYS now, h-huh
>*silence*
>though I was a b-big guy to begin with.. b-but now I'm double the size... uh.. I'm... umm.. you c-could say I'm d-DOUBLE GUY now! heh heh..
>*silence*
>(look around nervously, wipe sweat from forehead)
>I would like to than-
>*microphone makes high pitched static noise*
>I would like to thank my good friend rhor- Paul Latza w-who was always there to GET ME..!
>heh h-heh... you know?
>*silence*
>g-gonna crash this pla-
>*music starts to play and the host escorts me to backstage*
"Okay, so, let me tell you about the jews...."
"This award is a big guy... heh, f-for you..."
Is there a 5-10 second delay or is it broadcast instantly?
>>70285840
delay
TTTTTSSSSUUUUUUUUU
>>70273525
I'd like to thank the jews--
>>70283843
>>70273525
Thank you to my wife, my parents, and /tv/
I'd go up on stage, pull out a bag of legos and throw them on the stage to see how long it takes before rooney comes up to play with them
thank you ladies and gentlemen, for this prestigious award, I am truly honoured.
Now I could spend this time thanking my family friends and the marvellous cast and crew that made this all achievable, but I want to address the elephant in the room, because I know that there will be some angry feminist or black lives matter supporter writing about how the award was given to me, and not (black actor). Now I don't know about you, but I thought that (black actor) was a amazing, and the fact that he got nominated, just like the other nominees is an testament to your acting ability. But it raises a question.
What happened to the days when we could judge a man based on his skills, and character, and not for the colour of his skin?
Now I know what some of you might say, whites can't face racism because they're in power? Really? So I should neglect the black politicians, the Jewish bank holders and Chinese millionaires?
Racism is wrong, against a majority or a minority. And I hope that those that run the show can recognise that... IM TALKING TO YOU MTV DECODED.
So I dedicate this award to my beautiful girlfriend, (points to black girlfriend), and the desire to stride towards unity, not divide.
God bless.
>>70273525
snapchat
I don't even like movies.
"THIS IS THE DAWN OF VIDYAKINO"
"CAPESHIT ON SUICIDE WATCH"
"FUCK YOU /TV/"
>>70281962
>shoot yourself
>not shooting into the crowd aiming for every meme actor
Don't be a cuck
"Who the fuck are you people?"
"Why am I here?"
"Fuck this shit I'm going home."
>I leave
>I walk back on stage and grab the Oscar
"I'm keeping this."
>Leave again
>>70286476
Underrated
>>70286790
What actors/actresses would you shoot /tv/?
>'So I first noticed the Jew menace while on a camping trip with my family up state. It was the late 80s. I had just turned 9 years old -'
*mic inexplicably stops working*
*Hava Nagila suddenly starts blaring out of across the arena*
*TV signal switches to a rerun of To Kill A Mockingbird *
>>70273525
>Accepting this award would put me in the same category as Roman Polanski and Woody Allen and all the other pedophiles and Jews that plague this industry, and I want no part of it and I must decline.
JEWS
DID
9/11
>>70274427
>it's a sams mom is annoyed episode
>>70274270
literally me
>>70287691
desu sams mom episodes are the best ones
"Thank you for this award, I would like to dedicate it to the millions of starving Africans that aren't watching right now because they don't have TVs. I'm gonna build them a skatepark."
>>70273744
Impressive. Very nice.
>>70274056
4 U
>>70274495
well meme'd
>>70273868
First bane related shit to ever make me smile in however many wasted years since that shit started. I am officially corrupted
>>70280862
They actually did some like a while back.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ztyqsRX_64M
