Luke, did I ever tell you about Bidlo Kwerve? He was a Corellian pirate and smuggler who served Jabba Desilijic Tiure. A tall, grizzled man with scarred features and a mane of black hair, he was known for his greediness and hot temper, and was quick to respond to any perceived insults. Kwerve and a Twi'lek named Bib Fortuna competed to become Jabba's new majordomo after the Hutt deemed his previous retainer, Naroon Cuthus, too old and incapable of carrying out his duties. Kwerve and Fortuna hated each other with a passion and went to great lengths to prove themselves in Jabba's eyes, though Jabba considered each as incompetent as the other. Kwerve disliked Jabba's top pilot, Han Solo, and the two often clashed, both in words and with blasters. Around 2 BBY, he considered leaving Jabba's employ because of the continual menial tasks that were being asked of him, and though Fortuna encouraged him to quit, he never did. Shortly before the Battle of Yavin, Kwerve discovered a crashed ship in the Tatooinian desert, with a live rancor inside it. Hoping to present the beast to Jabba for his birthday, he begrudgingly sought the aid of Fortuna to help him transport it to Jabba's Palace. Jabba was impressed with the initiative shown by his two top lieutenants and offered to make one of them his new majordomo; the other would be given the "greater honor," though Jabba did not specify what this was. Ever greedy, Kwerve accepted the "greater honor"—he became the rancor's first victim and was devoured in a pit below Jabba's court.

Anyway, I only bring this up because in about four years you're going to pick up his skull and throw it at a panel to drop a massive door down on that very same rancor. He'll get his revenge on the rancor, from a certain point of view.

Please, I need more.

This will never not be funny.

>>69123632
memes aside is that how IG-88B die?
>How in the fuck did fett plan all this

Didn't IG-88 be ok to Death Star 2???????

>>69124708
Luke, did I ever tell you about Davin Felth, a member of the Imperial Stormtrooper Corps during the early years of the Galactic Civil War? A graduate of the elite Imperial Army training program at the Academy of Carida, Felth exposed a potentially critical weakness in the All Terrain Armored Transport design. Rather than rewarding the cadet for his brilliance, Colonel Maximilian Veers buried Felth in the Imperial Army's infantry division to mask the design flaw. Under the designation 1023, Sergeant Felth was assigned to the desert planet Tatooine as part of the Desert Sands sandtrooper detachment, tasked with the recovery of the stolen plans to the first Death Star. He was the infamous stormtrooper who uttered the line "Look, sir, droids." Felth discovered in the sands of the Dune Sea the escape pod used to effect the escape of the droids C-3PO and R2-D2 from Imperial forces, the latter of which was attempting to deliver the plans to the Alliance to Restore the Republic. Felth later killed his commanding officer, Captain Mod Terrik, after tracking the droids to the Mos Eisley spaceport as part of a reawakening process in which he came to believe the Empire he lived to serve was evil.

>tfw I read all the books
>Disney says they're not canon

Oh well, they're still fun to read

>>69124937
The Lando Trilogy is the patrician's choice.

Luke, did I ever tell you about how the Clone Wars started? It all happened when we had to find a bounty hunter who tried to killed your mom, who was a senator. I went into a 50s diner run by my good friend Dexter Jettster. he told me that the dart the bounty hunter used came from a planet that even the Jedi, the high ranking secret members of the Republic, didn't know about. I traveled to a planet controlled by enemy forces, who at the time we were neutral with. When I was caught, your father had to help me, who brought your mother around for some reason and when both your dad and your mom were caught, the Jedi had to help him, and when the Jedi needed help, the Republic invaded the planet with their army of Clone Troopers, who shared the same DNA of the bounty hunter sent to kill your mom. So in short Luke, I'm responsible for the Clone Wars. The clones were good friends until they killed us all.

>>69123674
>have two top tier lieutenants
>they hates each other, so concurrency make them do even better things for you while they're trying to over top each over
>kill one of them for no real reason
Is Jabba the most ineffective leader in the Galaxy?

Luke, did I ever tell you about breasts? Breasts were the mammary glands of mammalian species and some reptomammals, and were normally a distinguishing feature of the female of the species. Males did have breasts, but they were far less developed than their female counterparts due to the sexual dimorphism.

>>69125107
I think he just didnt care. Like its really easy for me to imagine Jabba being really laid back and hermaphroditic and stuff (its canon, look it up, sempai).

I had a smilie to a character from another media but its gone now.

Weird I'm watching Fugitive Alien (the MST) version and they reference this at 42:50.

i want to get into some of the deeper lore of the Star Wars universe, where should I even start?

>>69125398
Autism medication followed by six hours on Wookiepedia.

Not joking. I barely care about SW but its really fun to just follow links within articles about things that never happened to other articles about things that never happened.

Except for breasts. Those happened.

>>69125350

o wow

>>69125019
>not x-wing
Yub, yub commander

Tfw no more bro-tier wedge, hobbie and jensen ;_______;