Is there a bigger meme career than his?
>>69085467
your life.
That fucker it's always in character.
>Steven_Seagal_at_his_fattest_and_worst_shape.jpg
but he always looks like that
>>69085467
No.
>>69086045
Hasn't he pretended to use guns for his entire career? How did he not pick anything up?
>>69085993
>He starts eating the corpse
WHAT THE SHIT STEVEN
I'm glad this meme exist, reminds me why I like this board more than others. Most of it may be shitposting but at least it's the fun kind.
>>69086045
is this Sicario?
>>69086150
Steven Seagal is one of the oldest internet memes I can think of
>>69086153
He's on the hunt for those who ate his tacos.
Sideplot: get more tacos.
>>69085467
>Steven_Seagal
>>69085993
>tfw nobody's packing a Snickers on the battlefield.
>>69085993
lol when he stand up, hes so fucking fat
>>69085467
>ANYBODY SEEN BANE?
>ANYBODY KNOW WHY BANE CRASHED CIA?
>>69085993
>no lunch left behind
>>69088049
TELL ME ABOUT RICHIE! WHY DOES HE DO THE JOHNNY LUPO?
>>69085467
nope
What did Steven Seagal mean by this :https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yxloUBCYuFM
What was the buddah nature?
>>69089704
wtf....is sensei Seagal-sama drunk?
>>69085467
Do you think he's ever had sex?
>>69089948
>Do you think he's ever had BAD sex?
FTFY
>>69089704
Top kek
The Donald
>>69085467
http://on.aol.com/video/steven-seagal-doing-a-chechen-dance-517807824
>>69086150
>0:37
You post this shit in every thread, fucking fix it.
>>69088049
Big guy with a badge and a gun
This shit is going to be on tonight. Is it worth watching? Does it have any kino-worthy moments?
>>69090765
I think everyone whose had sex with him has had bad sex
>>69091748
That movie does have some pure kino moments
>>69085467
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Jji78uEW14
What did he mean by this?
>>69091863
He wants Senator Trent to be a blood donor.
>>69086078
he was too proud to attempt to learn anything. would tell people he already knew everything about them and how to use them. No one would tell him otherwise.
>>69091129
His baby looks pretty damn angry.
>>69089948
He was married 5 times and literally has multiple sex slaves.
Sensei snatches punani every night.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tujuz0ewTzo
Someone pls post his autistic son
-former CIA operator
-is considered the highest Aikido specialist in Japan
-handgun instructor for special forces
-starred in more than 150 movies
-is a direct negociator between US government and italian mafia
-fucked Kelly Lebrock at her prime
-almost killed Vandamme
-is so popular Tom Cruise stole several of his roles
-is the most popular country singer in eastern Europe
-is a personal friend of Vladimir Putin
-can snatch your motherfucking birthday
Call me when Arnold will do half of this
In addition to his professional achievements, Seagal is known as an environmentalist,[12] an animal rights activist, and as a supporter of the 14th Dalai Lama, Tenzin Gyatso.[13][14] He is also known for his outspoken political views and for his friendship with Vladimir Putin. Seagal once referred to Putin as "one of the great living world leaders".[15]
The entire GoT cast
>>69085993
This guy needs a talk with the Drill Sergeant
>>69085495
Fucking #btfo
>
>>69092296
>-almost killed Vandamme
I wonder how that night would've ended if Stallone hadn't opened the dessert try right as Steven was about to show Van Damme who is the boss.
>>69089601
>Konami instead of Punani
>SEGA logo cut off instead of making it SEAGAL
shit tier...
>>69092874
This, make the changes please
>>69085467
Why wasnt this song inculded in GTA V soundtrack?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vLe_BZ1mo3I
What is best in life /tv/?
>>69094264
punanis
>>69092874
>>69089601
Nice meme but do this
>>69091964
also part of the sex slaves rumor is that he lactates when he gets sexually aroused
>>69092262
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UTCmpDZjMEU this one?
>>69086153
no, is Seagalio
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2dakhzl2SBQ
EAZY
EEAZY
What did he mean by this?
His eldest a qt pi <3
>>69094946
What do you think I'm doing?
>>69092199
10/10
>>69094264
snatch the motherfucker birthdays
the fresh punani
throw someone through a window from twenty different angles
>>69094946
did he jump out with his dick still out?
>>69095137
Probably got piss all over himself too.
>>69095182
does Seagal have a big penus?
>>69095222
Doubt it. His massive gut has probably swallowed his cock.
>>69095259
i can imagine its a tiny little greasy sausage. I bet it smells too because Seagal wont bother wash it properly in the shower.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V2B9jyZTp4w
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X1il9FT5eZ0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5cUNU8GkMso
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dhITLxD595c
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TB1RvU8UR38
>>69092296
>-is the most popular country singer in eastern Europe
KEK
>>69091129
Did Steven ever star in a cowboy movie?
I know he did that one movie where Michael Cain tries to kill Eskimos for oil and he stops him.
>>69096195
He's made over 150 movies m80
Of course he's been a cowboy
>>69096195
He's been all sorts of things
>>69096332
what range!
>>69096332
Did he show the British his aikido skill?
>>69085467
looks like he's wearing a fat suit
>>69086078
he's acting, he's actually the worlds best shooter
>>69096491
He's just been bulking for the last 15 years.
>>69094946
that was one hell of a bomb, it managed to blow up an entire house from one end to the other and only the house
>>69086045
If you knew anything about operating firearms in a combat situation, you would know there's absolutely nothing wrong here. He's providing himself cover by laying down suppressing fire while simultaneously retreating, exactly as you should be doing if your battle bruthas aren't there to support you.
>>69085993
He didn't even try to get in shape for this. How lazy can he honestly be? How many 300lb soldiers are there in the army. Especially 50 hear old soldiers!
>>69094946
Can someone PLEASE unironically explain me what he meant by "easy, EASY!"? It sounds like something you tell to calm someone who is mad down but he is just taking a piss?
>>69092296
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rw41SysnHmE
>>69096777
It's method acting. He gained 80 pounds for that role as an american soldier
This mother ain't white.
>>69089948
Yes
>>69096779
without having yet watched the clip, he's probably implying that his cock is really big, like an untameable beast.
>>69094431
Imagine being her in that scene and having to be all like "damn, Stevie Seagal, you fuckin' fine, all sexy with your fat doughy body and that old bloated seal face. I would totally have sex with you, both my character and the real me." when all she really wants to do is another porn shoot with Chad. Like seriously imagine having to be her and not only twirl that fucking dress around while Steven Seagal tries his best to get an erection in front of you, the XXXL shirt barely concealing his planet-sized belly and droopy man tits, and just stand there, take after take, hour after hour, while he perfected that look. Not only having to tolerate his monstrous fucking visage but his haughty attitude as everyone on set tells him he's STILL GOT IT and DAMN, STEVEN SEAGAL LOOKS LIKE *THAT*?? because they're not the ones who have to stand there and watch his obese fucking marshmallow face try contort into any type of emotion besides complete disinterest. You've been fucking nothing but a healthy diet of low-rent producers and bargain-bin directors and later life-sentenced pimps your ENTIRE CAREER coming straight out of the crackhouse from your 20's. You've never even seen anything this fucking disgusting before, and now you swear you can taste the sweat that's breaking out on his balding fucking hairline as he sucks it in to squint suggestively at you, smugly assured that you are enjoying the opportunity to get paid to stand there and revel in his "holy (for that is what he calls himself)" beauty, the beauty he worked so hard for with his donuts in the previous months. And then the director calls for another take, and you know you could just end your life right there before the studio security could stop you, but you sit there and endure, because you can't act and your career is going nowhere. You're not going to lose that next bag of coke over this. Just bear it. Hide your face and bear it.
What are you talking about?
this is pure kino
>>69095222
I want to throw water on his hairline to watch it melt.
>>69097181
It finally happened.
>>69097219
Hard to believe he once starred in properly-directed action scenes
>>69096777
Steven is 64 not 50
>his son is literally autistic
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UTCmpDZjMEU
>>69097058
lmao
>>69096670
also he turns like a fucking tank
>>69098352
Is that actually his son? How did people figure that out
>>69097219
he gained 90lbs while mid air, fucking shapeshifters man
This whole fucking movie
https://youtu.be/4KlyHwnPqns
>>69099355
USTILSORBOUDAFIFTIBUX
>>69099355
>mouth keeps moving
>no sound comes out
What did he mean by this?
>>69099774
NOPE
Dudes nearly 70.
>>69100131
And still getting more punani than any of us.
>>69088088
>>69088320
>>69088049
>>69092296
>-is so popular Tom Cruise stole several of his roles
wut? source?
>>69101422
he said this in an interview:
>I would say the same thing, just to be polite. Let me tell you something that might be a bit dangerous. I was raised in Japan. I was schooled in martial arts. I was given the title of master. They take a movie “The Last Samurai.” They have a 5-foot-2-inch little guy, whether he was straight or gay, I don’t know. I don’t care. He had never been to Japan. He doesn’t speak Japanese. He has never held a sword. They make him the Last Samurai. We got 450,000 phone calls [laughs] from everybody in the world saying, “That role was perfect for you. How did that happen?” Most of the people I know didn’t like the film and didn’t go see it. It’s just a classic example of Hollywood and the politics.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUjPz7BKjlM
>da fuq u doin' in muh place?
>uh-huh
PURE KINO
U
R
E
K
I
N
O
>>69101422
ALL ROLES BY DEFAULT BELONG TO THE POON SNATCHER
IT IS BY HIS GRACE ALONE THAT ANYONE ELSE ACTS AT ALL
easy
EASY
>>69088088
>>69101524
>>69100864
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CXfFMT0Izj8
>>69101524
>They have a 5-foot-2-inch little guy, whether he was straight or gay, I don’t know.
kek
>He had never been to Japan. He doesn’t speak Japanese. He has never held a sword.
I think Steven has trouble with the concept of """"acting""""
Is Steven Seagal the strongest anime character?
>>69097105
>seagal on top
That's just a recipe for disaster
>>69101524
Would 2003 Seagal even fit into a suit of samurai armour and could a horse actually carry him?
>>69101524
What a retard loud mouth. It's plural Samarai. And Tom Cruise did a better job then that fat fuck could've ever done.
>>69085993
What a fat ass
>>69096777
Nigger, it's direct to DVD garbage. Why would he get in shape for a movie that will only be seen by a handful of people?
post top scenes
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Jji78uEW14
>>69097219
>>69085594
I'm gonna snatch every motherfucker birthday cake.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wnw08iNb51U
>(mumbles)
>spectacular
>amazing
>peneration great distance
>longslide two-fiwes
>beautiful
>amazing
Autism?
ANYBODY SEEN RICHIE?!??
>>69101873
>tfw they didn't invent a time machine and bring back a real life samurai
>tfw they don't really shoot people to death in action movies
Nice """"""authenticity""""""", Hollywood
>Takes you to the blood bank
>Poor exchange rate
>Tries to levy snatched birthdays into the deal
>>69102095
I miss richieposting. It's the most patrician form of Seagal shitposting.
>>69086371
Older than chuck norris?
>>69085467
what the fuck
he married to women at the same time
consider that punani SNATCHED
>>69085993
>Daily reminder
Steven Seagal once shit and pissed himself while in a choke hold.
>>69096980
this is great
>>69092296
only 3 things on that list are true
>>69102041
Why make these shitty garbage films anyway? Who even makes a profit?
>>69102465
which ones?
>>69102596
ITS A MONEY LAUNDERING TAX DODGE FOR PUTINS DIRTY MONEY
IT LEAKED IN THE POONANI PAPERS
>>69102596
It doesn't cost that much and he gets to sell it on dvd and then the tv rights and all that.
>>69095719
the Stephen Tobolowsky conversation is the greatest thing ive ever seen
>>69102095
ANYBODY KNOW WHO DID BOBBY LUP'HHOOO
>>69102095
believe me he's nothing without the badge and the gun
PIDARAS
>>69102998
CARMELLA COULD YOU PLEASE SHUT THE DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR
>>69102095
who's hot-dog is this?
>>69103108
Is that Seagal trying to act Russian? Post it, pham.
get 'em sticks! come on sticks!
>>69103185
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_CTODV6GTqE
The movie is Driven To Kill.
>>69094874
>that he lactates when he gets sexually aroused
Dude what, how can a man lactate?
>>69103245
Based as fuck. Russian Seagal, best Seagal.
>>69103185
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_SzXGblMcsE
>>69100864
Not to mention MWHAAA-poster who are the absolute elite
>>69103294
Possible but extremely rare.
>>69102086
that scene is fucking bad
>>69101524
hahaha Cruise BTFO
>>69093256
>tfw starting to like this song
>>69103245
>suka blyad
>pidaraaaaz
kek
>>69085467
Sniper Special Ops 2016 1080p WEB-DL X264 AC3-EVO
>Sniper Special Ops 2016 1080p WEB-DL X264 AC3-EVO
Sniper Special Ops 2016 1080p WEB-DL X264 AC3-EVO
>Sniper Special Ops 2016 1080p WEB-DL X264 AC3-EVO
Sniper Special Ops 2016 1080p WEB-DL X264 AC3-EVO
>Sniper Special Ops 2016 1080p WEB-DL X264 AC3-EVO
>>69097181
>>69101607
I wish I could watch the whole thing without cringing so hard, because this is funny as fuck
>>69103294
>>69103416
ht tp://w ww.scientificamerican.co m/article/strange-but-true-males-can-lactate/
>>69101607
>dat fart sound
>>69104008
Well snatch my birthday and take my punani...
>>69097105
was this from his tv show where he was a cop
>>69097105
good thing women are expert at faking it, otherwise seagal would have ripped her throat out
>>69097105
what type of akido is this?
>>69104378
HED A SNATCHED HER SNATCH RIGHT OUT FROM UNDER HER
>>69104175
...are you kidding me? Is that the actual edit?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_TRdFSKGFU
>>69097105
God damn this reminds me of the sex scene from Lethal Weapon 5
>>69104175
>>69104532
fuck that's hilarious
>>69097105
which one is this from?
>>69103228
davai davai
>>69103228
>El-P wrote a fan fiction about sticks where he hates his job standing in a bar and waiting to be summoned to fight, lands in the hospital after his run in with Seagal, and languishes there while his family deals with the consequences
Everything even slightly related to Steven is amazing
>>69104175
Imagine being Chris in that scene and having to be all like "damn, Steven, you fuckin' cool, all badass with your flabby body and horrific greasy monster face. I would totally be buddy cops with you, both my character and the real me." when all he really wants to do is smoke another joint in his dressing room. Like seriously imagine having to be Chris and not only stand still in the middle of the street while Steven Seagal flings a disgusting, badly bruised body in front of you, the jump cuts barely concealing his stretchmarks and leather jacket, and just stand there, take after take, hour after hour, while he perfected that throw. Not only having to tolerate his monstrous fucking visage but his haughty attitude as everyone on set tells him he's STILL GOT IT and DAMN, STEVEN SEAGAL FIGHTS LIKE *THAT*?? because they're not the ones who have to stand there and watch his newest defenestration victim skip back and forth in time into types of continuities you didn't even know were possible before that day. You've been fucking nothing but a healthy diet of hoes and groupies and later alleged rape victims for your ENTIRE CAREER coming straight out of the suburbs in New Orleans. You've never even seen anything this fucking physically impossible before, and now you swear you can taste the sweat that's breaking out on his bulging stomach as he sucks it in to flex it imposingly at the camera, smugly assured that you are enjoying the opportunity to get paid to stand there and revel in his "stevenesque (for that is what he calls it)" fighting style, the style he worked so hard on with the greatest masters in Japan in the previous months. And then the director calls for another take, and you know you could kill every single person in this street before the studio security could put you down, but you stand there and endure, because you're fucking Chris Thomas King. You're not going to lose your future blues career over this. Just bear it. Contort your face and bear it.
>>69099801
Unsynced audio. annoying as fuck
>>69088083
>I will snatch every motherfucker lunchbox
>>69085993
Do you have a single snack to fill me up?
reminder that steven will make an AMA on reddit tomorrow
prepare the memes
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jtE0ToLeQ70
>>69105807
HOLY FUCK YES LETS STORM IT LIKE THE TOM HARDY AMA
>>69105884
>get shot 3 times with a fucking double-barrel shotgun
>does not die automatically and goes for a fight
>>69094946
EVERY FUCKING TIME
It makes no sense.
>>69105807
We NEED to ask what in the actual fuck did he mean by it
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cfNW1ERej0A
>>69105978
poetry
>>69096779
>It sounds like something you tell to calm someone who is mad down
Britbong here, that's exactly what it means. He says it for what appears to be absolutely no reason.
How do i into steven seagal mode?
>>69105807
We can't miss this chance
Just in time for the rise of Seagalposting
>>69089704
What did he mean by this?
>>69105807
it's like he wants to be meme'd on
>>69106373
EASY
>>69106388
How much do you wanna bet he's a /tv/ regular and loves the attention?
>>69106436
It's birthday, then
>>69106373
>>69106436
KEK
>>69103245
>CYKA BLAT
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
>>69085467
He's a big guy
>>69097219
>max payne 3 gameplay
>>69106449
>Steven is the one who forced birthdayposting on /tv/
it all makes sense now
>>69106618
don't you mean max BANE
>>69097219
i'm not sure if he fired 9 shots mid air or that's just the editing
>>69092296
>-almost killed Vandamme
Anyone got a link? From what I've read Van Damme wanted to square off against Seagal but Seagal just left.
>>69106798
http://kickassactionnews.blogspot.com/2013/02/sly-and-seagal-once-got-physical.html
>>69106798
>Anyone got a link? From what I've read Van Damme wanted to square off against Seagal but Seagal just left.
That's the joke, dumbass.
>>69105807
can /tv/ crash this ama?
>>69094874
>also part of the sex slaves rumor is that he lactates when he gets sexually aroused
Doesn't everyone?
>>69106890
Please God. And someone take screen caps for future Seagal threads.
>>69094946
>where are you going?
>what do you think I'm doing
excellent
>>69096302
in more than Eric Roberts?
>>69102041
>Why would he get in shape for a movie that will only be seen by a handful of people?
Because he'll live longer and people will stop laughing at the fat fuck.
>>69104175
Seagal edits his movies now?
Where the fuck does Seagal say "punani"? There's no fucking way he said it unironically.
>>69106798
Seagal left cuz he didn't want to kill him. Vandamme had no idea of the real danger
>>69107333
in a song
>>69085467
You still sore about that fifty bucks?
>>69107333
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vLe_BZ1mo3I
>>69107564
Someone give the poor man some punani.
>>69095719
What's funny in that stinkydinky vid is that it sounds like leguizamo is just taking a cheap shot saying he runs like a girl but it's really fucking hilariously true.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nkskuSXqUD0
>>69096779
Unironically i think he was warning seagal to move slowly because he was afraid he was gonna grab a gun instead of his dick.
need to watch some flicks with seagal, gimme the worst
>>69092296
>starred in more than 150 movies
where you find these sources? Mad magazine?
>>69108707
into the sun
a good man
kill switch
>>69102596
Arabs and indians like that shit.
>>69108743
maybe he thought he was taking about Eric Roberts
>>69101607
holy shit this is the best
He has an AMA tomorrow - time to finally ask what he meant by "snatch every motherfucker birthday"
>>69108707
Ticker
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FbJlg1HdYZg
>>69102086
kek this is Brazzers production level
>>69102086
>15 rounds in the .45 can you imagine?
>>69108891
>mumble longslide mumble .45 mumble .50 mumble isn't that amazing?
>>69102086
I love how he shows the gun to the camera that last second
>>69108891
Did you say the "b" word?
How does a weeaboo, liar, son of a whore and a
Mongol, dropped in the midwest of the US of A by providence
Ended in Narita Airport
And grew up to be an action star and pathological liar?
The 90s washed up action movie star without a career
Got a lot farther by knowing how to be a liar
By being a lot smarter
By being a self-starter
By twenty-four, they gave him a black belt
in a japanese martial art
And every day while foreigners were being expelled and deported
Away, across the waves, he lied and managed to keep his guard up
Inside, he was longing for something to be his big breakout
The brother was ready to lie, steal, borrow, or barter
Then a separation came, and deportation loomed in the horizon
Our man saw his future drip, dripping down the drain
Put a pencil to his temple, connected it to his brain
And he rewrote his life, a testament of his lies
Well, the word got around, they said, “This sensei is insane, man”
Met a producer to send him to Hollywood
“Get your movie done, don’t forget from whence you came, and
The world is gonna know your name. What’s your name, man?”
Steven Seagal
My name is Steven Seagal
And there's a million things I've lied about
But I will just keep lying, just keep lying
When he was thirty he split from ger, full of it, debt-ridden
Two years later, see Steven and his new wife
Marrying, the scene thick
And the marriage went quick
Moved in with a new woman, the new woman was an actress
Led to him discovering the oversized ego in his insides
A producer said
"You gotta be an action star"
"Steven, you gotta be an action star"
He started retreatin’ and readin’ every script that reached his shelf
There would have been nothin’ left to do
For someone less astute
He woulda been dead or destitute
Without a cent of restitution
Started workin’, trainin'
at his wife's father dojo
Delivering blows and kicks
and all the training he couldn't
afford
Plannin' for the future see
him now as he takes a seat on
a plane headed for
>>69100519
how do you know?
>>69106436
>>69097219
There's that Infinity I was telling you about amazing gun long slide high quality 15 rounds 45 can you imagine very accurate
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5cUNU8GkMso
>>69109685
a new land
In Los Angeles you can be a
new man
In Los Angeles you can be a
new man
"Just you wait"
In Los Angeles you can be a
new man
"Just you wait"
Steven Seagal
We are waiting in Hollywood for you
You could never stop lying
You never learned to take yourself less seriously!
Oh, Steven Seagal
When Hollywood calls for you
Will they know that you are a lie?
Will they know you rewrote your life?
The industry will never be the same,
oh
The plane is pulling into the gate now
See if you can spot him
Another dreamer
Comin’ up from the bottom
His enemies destroyed his rep
America forgot him
We produced his movies
Me? I made him a big name
Us? We funded his movies
Me? I thought he loved me
And me? I'm the damn fool who laughed at him
There's a million movies he hasn't done
But just you wait
What's your name, man?
Steven Seagal!
>>69105807
>It's real
Holy fuck, this can't be happening.
Hopefully sensei doesn't pussy out and ignore most of the questions.
>>69105807
FUCK YAH GO GO GO /tv/!!!!
>>69106363
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLQHJ54ZE5o
Just eat whatever the fuck that is.
>>69109685
>>69109947
Kek, this is quite autistic but enjoyable nonetheless.
>>69109949
What happens is:
1. The celeb has their agent sit on the computer find questions, and then they transcript the answers.
2.The Celeb doesn't actually participate and the agent just does it for them entirely.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6PjZ0pAbxrc
what a masterpiece
>>69110031
He will snatch every motherfucker calorie
>>69110400
>you're cremated now, mother fucker!
The absolute madman
>>69110400
>>69110511
Dubs confirm that he won't stop snatching every motherfucking birthday
>>69110601
>motherfucking
you had one job
>>69105807
Will he be allowed to talk about his past in the CIA?
>>69102086
Frank Mir there trying to give a shit.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CXfFMT0Izj8
Classic seagal scene
>>69105807
The fire rises. Prepare your dummy accounts.
