You are in charge of writing the heist movie with those 4 actors. What's the story?
Just remake Ocean's 11
>>69061794
The Snatchers
Brendan as the protagonist, Segal as the mastermind who ends up fucking everyone over in the third act, Paul Dano is the person they're robbing
>>69061794
>the group start a heist on some big pawn shop
>some mafia lair
>everybody dies but Paul
>Paul have too escape through the city, avoiding the police and the mobsters
Something in a retro neon style, some bloody scene, no love story, just a man running for his life and facing different situation like Falling Down
>Oscar for Dano
>Oscar for photo
>Oscar for story
Brendan wants to heist an ex-girl friends because of over done alimony. Working at Kinkos with Paul Dano try to rob her new place. Her boyfriend, Steven Segal, is the only problem for them to get around casing the joint.
Eric Roberts is the cop trying to track down Segal for his overseas dealings with international criminal organization.
Brendan gets Paul to eventually dress up like a women and do fart jokes to get Seagal out of the house long enough for Brendan to sneak in and get the money, then Eric finds out and arrests him unless he plants a bug on Segal after.
Mayhem pursuits.
>>69061841
This, Julia Roberts' character can be recast as Segal's Punani
>>69061794
Kill myself
>>69061794
>Brendan plays the retired criminal with a boring life, used to be the best in his prime, still has people asking when he's gonna be back in the game, etc...
>Roberts is the old master thief still in the game, participates in every heist you can imagine, he just likes robbing
>Dano is the new player in the game, skilled as fuck
>Seagal is the wildcard, he's this crazy ''just relesed after 15 years in prison'' criminal that you can't predict
Someone come up with a witty title.
SNATCH EVERY MOTHERFUCKER BIRTHDAY
>>69062122
>Someone come up with a witty title.
Snatch 2: Every Mother Fucker Birthday
>>69061794
Seagal won't play any role where he isn't the biggest badass, and he refuses to lose, so the entire movie needs to be written around him. He can be an unstoppable cop with fuck all lines, while the other three are a ragtag ensemble of intelligent but amateur thieves.
>>69062122
>The motherfucking birthday snatchers
>the classic suspects
>
>>69061794
who's gonna beat Dano to death?
Synopsis
Jesus is reborn and wants to snatch his ex wifes birthday for a nominal fee
>>69062122
>participates in every heist you can imagine
>>69061794
>Dano's salary: 2,000,000 dollars
>Roberts salary: 40 oz bottle
>Frasers salary: 200 dollars and food coupons
>Seagals salary: 2 virgin punani's
>>69062122
Once Upon a Time in Las Vegas
>>69062122
JUST SNATCH MY SHIT UP
>>69061794
Brendan's character JUST got out of a pysch ward, but the other three characters dont know until halfway thru
Roberts is the long lost twin brother of the rich mafia family their going after, so he plays both parts
Segal is an ex SEAL, ex CIA, ex Green Beret, ex FBI, ex NYPD who got fired from his last job at the NYPD for trying to expose the PDs greenhouse emissions, whos is just there for the money, strictly professional (he mentions this several times)... but he also was the ex head of security at the mafia owned bank and uses his knowledge of the place to the groups advantage
Dano is actually the long lost son of roberts character but roberts doesnt know and dano is using the heist setup to get closer to his father
>>69062190
>The Classic Suspects
Love it
Tagline?
>>69062122
J.U.S.T. Jungle Under Siege Tonight.
two old fags come to terms after years of strife in the kickboxing ring. They bond over the use of hair coloring products and a glass of aged liquor. queue entrance of glasses man's son, and his old friend, monkey bone. yea that little fag from there will be blood looks like he could play monkey bone. anyway monkey bone got in some trouble with these guys that look like yakuza and adhere strictly to the feudal system, but they're all tan and have super white teeth. They're all felons so they can't get jobs to help, and everyone is just getting weed from dispensaries now so they could only do small time moving. Their only option to help monkey bone and finish their half full glasses of fine liquor, is to pull the greatest heist the world has ever seen- they're going to steal the Louvre
Keep your filthy shithouse twitter memes away from /tv/ actors.
>>69062122
GTAV?
>>69062224
>Frasers salary: 200 dollars and food coupons
>Seagals salary: 2 virgin punani's
>>69062244
Get in. Get out. Stay classic.
>>69062122
Batman v Superman
>>69062122
This really is GTAV
>>69062308
DING DING DING DING DING DING
>>69061794
A modern remake of Oliver Stone's Platoon, set in the War on Terror.
>Dano as the lead character, a rookie
>Brendan as the support, a dark and brooding sergeant with a dark past only himself knows (joined the army to avoid alimony)
>Seagal as the punani-wanting (he wants all the exotic Iraqi pussies), birthday-snatching (very trigger happy toward Iraqis) sergeant who acts as Dano's foil
>Eric as the outfit's commanding officer
Oscar here I come
>>69062177
>>69062190
>>69062279
10/10 someone get hollywood on this
>>69062244
Just heist my bank up.
>>69061794
>Paul Dano helps Brendan to rob a bank so Brendan can pay his alimony
>Roberts is the bank manager and Seagal his bodyguard
>Dano gets fucked up at some point by Seagal's stunt double and is presumed dead
>Roberts runs away like a pussy, hands flailing
>only Seagal and Fraser left, they fight to the death
>"you and me, we are the same" Seagal says and reveals that he's balding
>Brendan does the same, and thinks he's dying
>suddenly Dano comes out of nowhere and stabs Seagal in the ass, saving Brendan
>they run away into the sunset while Seagal screams in the backgroundSeagal has been dubbed over the whole movie with his previous lines from his previous movies
>>69062122
Classic Snatch: Who got the Alimony
directed by Uwe Boll
written by Steven Seagal and Zack Snyder
>>69061794
>Steven Seagal plays an ex-military private contractor who goes rogue on his employers when he finds out they're working to destabalize a foreign republic
>Brendan Fraser plays his partner who gets shot five minutes in
>Paul Dano plays the egotistical and eccentric CEO of the PMC
>Eric Roberts plays literally every henchman
>>69062308
Tell that to Zod's Snapped Neck!
>>69061794
>Fraser is the hard-working ex-special forces private security guard
>one day his wife is kidnapped, the terrorists want $10m or they kill her
>Fraser runs into his old arch-nemesis, Roberts, driving a fancy as fuck car
>Roberts taunts him until Fraser begs him for help
>Roberts understands and says he knows of heist, previously thought impossible
>but that was before he had ex-special forces helping him out ;)
>the mark: Dano, a modern day Gatsby figure
>Roberts also enlists the help of El Pune, Segal, the most wanted terrorist in the middle east
>as they prepare the heist, Fraser gets increasingly concerned about the abilities of Segal because he's always talking a big game, but he's overweight and never actually does anythin
>meanwhile Roberts infiltrates Dano's party as a wealthy guest
>he unlocks the gate allowing fraser and segal to enter the premises
>From there, they have to disable 20 armed guards and make it to the basement vault
>roberts breaks into dano's bedroom to get the plans and then guides them by phone
>meanwhile, fraser disables all the guards while segal corrects his style from afar and does little else
>eventually they pull off the heist
>but roberts forgets to cut the security feed
>so dano chases after them cause he's secretly a psycho, with a bunch of blood-lusting mercenaries
>road chase ensues as they race to the drop-off point
>when they get there, fraser's wife shoots him and reveals she kidnapped herself and used him to get money since she wanted more than his alimony as a security guard would provide
>Segal laughs and comments how harsh that is
>massive gun battle as dano and his boys arrive
I don't know how to end it though
>>69061794
How they stole my will to live.
>>69061794
Seagal and Brendan play two monks walking on a bridge. Brendan asks Seagal that what is life about?
Seagal throws him into the water.
The end.
Roberts plays the bridge and Dano plays the water.
>>69062244
>They're sorry to hear that...
>>69062122
B.I.R.T.H.D.A.Y
>>69062122
Snatch the Poo-nan-ee: Electric Boo-ga-lee
>>69062122
I find your meta approach very satisfying
>>69062244
Classic never felt this good
>>69061794
>Just - IT geek
> Nigger man - Mechanic for working man
> Working man - Used car salesman
> Fat man - Strip club owner
Crumbs - 2016
When the owner of a local strip club (Fat man) gets an ultimatum to pay his gambling debts in 3 days or die, he learns that a famous porn star (Miley Cyrus) will be visiting his club, and enlists the help of one of his best customers (working man), his bumbling assistant (nigger man), and a man that claims to be a computer specialist (Just), to steal all the money she'll make to pay off his debt. Comedy ensues when they find out she's actually working for the Yakuza.
Rated R
