me want punani, me want kitty
jesus fucking christ that can't really be his voice
>>69019466
me want the punani see for make nice
>wake up
>see this guy snatching your birthday
what do?
Do you think he likes shaved or hairy punani?
...what happened?
>>69020118
Shaved
>>69019981
Ima snatch all you muffukas birthdays and then I'm going for burritos.
>>69020118
it doesn't when your're as alpha as him
>>69019981
This is shopped right?
>>69020118
From what I've seen so far I think he prefers his company before that becomes a question.
>mfw Seagal is so based that he can snatch your birthday even while he'a taking a piss
http://youtu.be/2dakhzl2SBQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IId64OJdCKM
>I love you
>>69021971
I love how scenes from his movies never make any sense without context.
>>69022396
>implying they make sense in context
>>69021971
That explosion really goes on for a while.
>>69021971
>Oi where are you going?
>What do you think I'm doing?
>*unzips penis and pisses
>Easy!
>*keeps pissing
>EASY!
You fucking wot m8?
>>69021971
EAZY.....EAZY!
what did he mean by this?
>>69022056
god this is so bad
Who /snatchthepunani/ here?
name a better Seagal scene than this
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d1In78YppuA
Pro tip: you cant!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tsXabeuK2PE
I can't remember when I laughed so much that at this scene.
>>69023243
me snatch the punani, for make to feel bad,
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/celebritynews/7588330/Steven-Seagal-accused-of-sex-trafficking-and-sexual-assault.html
>As support for the claims, the lawsuit states that Seagal has a "unique physiological reaction to sexual arousal," which could be corroborated by the other “attendants”.
The punani priest cannot be stopped.
>>69023296
Has that been dubbed by Microsoft Sam?
>>69023310
holy fucking shit and I thought I got my kek limit today from the pissing scene above
>>69022056
I wonder how authentic that "Asian Experience" one is? Will it also leave me with the clap, an opium addiction and angry Thai cops banging on my hotel room door at 3 am?
>>69023310
I never ever see this shit coming, like all the scenes are written at random.
>>69023441
Most likely.
I bet it was Seagal who wanted to have a scene where he defends the honor of his m'lady so they had to hire some guy from the street who didnt speak single world of English.
Steven is a cold son of a bitch
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=is04VVj2Cp4
>>69021971
>EAZYYY
>EEAAAZZYYY
What the fuck??????
>>69023665
Why would they make a hearse out of C4?
>>69023310
I'M A BAD MAN U KNO THAT
I think Seagal's trying to be black phase was my favourite
>>69023296
what did Joel Edgerton mean by this
>>69021971
>>69023296
>>69023310
>>69023665
This man's entire career is meme-tier.
Such a smart man
https://youtu.be/yxloUBCYuFM
>>69023296
...
Tommy Wiseau?
>>69023665
>mfw seagal gave him the choice but backed out when he realised he'd have to film a scene of him conducting the herculean task of digging into the ground for a few seconds
>>69023832
And it's not just the movies.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5cUNU8GkMso
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TB1RvU8UR38
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dhITLxD595c
>>69023842
Holy shit, Bodhisattva Seagal has enlightened me
i cri evry tiem : (
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mU1VZld8kUs
>this is his son
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UTCmpDZjMEU
>>69023978
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y434mL2B1Zg
>Get guns OFF THE STREET
How popular was Seagal in his prime? Obviously he was not Schwarzenegger or Stallone. Does he even compare to Van Damme?
>>69023665
>you're cremated now, motherfucker
>daaaddy daaaddy
![82035-snatcher-sega-cd-front-cover[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/IOH5MKQ.jpg "82035-snatcher-sega-cd-front-cover[1].jpg")
Just slap the word "birthday", some glasses, katanas, bellies and color filters to this. I'm too busy studying.
>>69024217
Under Siege was a pretty successful movie, probably bigger than anything Van Damme ever did.
>>69024217
Probably not quite as successful as Van Damme but he was a household name anyway. Way more than Dolph Lundgren or Wesley Snipes and those guys were pretty popular too. Memes aside, he probably outdid Chuck Norris too in terms of movie fame.
>>69021971
>>69023070
>>69023113
>>69023755
fucking crying
What are some punani core Seagal movies?
>>69023501
It tastes just great.
>>69024141
his daughter was so much more likable
>>69023939
>be cast for a seagalkino
>director says "action" and you know your body is still not ready
>tfw
>>69025941
so many unfunny memes in one post, amazing
>>69026244
Someone get this hothead outta here
>>69026244
well, I'm sorry to hear that...
steven seagal has humble upbringings, but it will never get anywhere past a random thread every few weeks ago
this meme is doomed to fail
t. meme magician
>>69023978
Leguizamo seems like a bro
>>69023501
>angry Thai cops
Like they come any other way...
>>69022056
>>69026512
People just need to use terms like "snatching birthdays" in regular posts when appropriate. It'll meme by itself.
>>69026541
A bro wouldn't be disrespectful to based Steven. He got what he deserved.
>>69026572
Can you give an example? I don't really understand what "snatching birthdays" would mean or imply, but it sounds really good.
>>69026663
"snatching birthdays" means killing. "getting your birthday snatched" means being murdered.
Can be used to comment on character deaths ("got his birthday snatched"), as bantz ("stop talking shit or I'll snatch your every motherfucker birthday") etc
Punani sensei swears in russian. I pity those who not lmaoing @this
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rO_Hfqa7RIg
>>69021971
Love how explosions start from every room in the building.
>>69022056
goddamn I cant never guess if Seagalls shit is real or some mad tv sketch
>>69026779
Well that's actually much more logical than it seems
>>69023390
"She was so much in fear that..."
Bitch, all you gotta do is run, he hasn't tried running more than 10 feet since Above the Law.
first for katanas
>>69026780
>literally, unironically, ACTUALLY saying suka blyat outside of Dota/LoL etc
ayy blyat
>>69027012
>literally, unironically, ACTUALLY saying suka blyat when not stalkan
Can someone post the Van Damme story please.
>>69027098
I'd rather say cheeki breeki to be quite honest family
>>69026889
He had a gun, why did he let the guy with a sword walk up to him?
>>69027162
Cheeki breeki is for smart when you know you will win the battle
Cyka blyat is for when your in deep shit
>>69026780
Are Russians perpetually terrified of being turned gay by some gay plague? I watched Eastern Promises last night, they wouldn't shut up about gays. I thought that scene where Kirill called the guy pederast was a literal accusation, but I just googled it after watching this video and it turns out that it's a pretty standard insult for them.
I swear Slavs think about gays more than actual gay people.
>>69020118
Unshaved without hair.
>>69027240
He didn't. Seagal brought him towards himself like a black hole.
>>69027246
>not always constantly winning by default while stalkan
pls
>>69023310
>The famous "I'm a bad man" scene from Seagal's smash hit Half past dead left the director Don Michael Paul stunned [2]. "It was completely improvised" Don told in an interview. "Mr. Seagal was supposed to calmly drive the car down the street but he stepped on it and started doing crazy stunts" Don continued as he started to get visibly terrified. "When his co-star Morris Chestnut asked Steven to stop and asked him if he knows how expensive the car is, Mr. Seagal responded 'I don't think about money when my mind's on punani'". [4] Don was brought to tears as he described the horrible scene that followed "Suddenly Steven brought the car to a full stop which sent Morris flying at a parked car on the set. He broke both of his legs and suffered from severe internal bleeding and we had to put filming on hiatus for several months". When reporters asked Mr. Seagal about the incident he just calmly responded "Well... I'm sorry to hear that". [5]
segalcore? gimme some
>>69027398
>>69019981
run
>>69027288
How does he keep getting away with snatching young punani?
So what's the deal with all those latter day Seagal movies
You know what I mean
The editing makes the action blurry incomprehensible mess
Hard cuts within the same scene, same camera angle
Why does the person responsible keep getting work
My 7 year old nephew films himself and his friends fighting with toy lightsabers and it legitimately, genuinely, in all seriousness looks better than these Seagal movies
>>69027288
>>69027661
I will snatch every motherfucker punani
>washed up action "star"
>lies about his background all the time
>divorced like a thousand times
>insecure
>fat fuck
>coward
Seagal is literally the main character of an Academy Award-winning drama
>>69021971
so he jumped with his dick out?
>>69027869
That hairline is eerie
someone post webms from Sniper please
>>69027936
Because it's a transplant. Hence why his hairs are placed in a grid-like manner
>>69027921
I mean, yeah. Wouldn't you?
>>69027869
Hope he plays himself
>>69019384
have you guys managed to ruin this meme yet
>>69025642
Good Man
check out the scene at 1:40:55
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rHY8o7eS9zw
>>69024141
Looks like the archetype of /tv/ posters, maybe he started the Seagal generals.
>>69027936
What kind of cut you want Mr. Seagal?
>>69023978
Isn't that the stinky dinky guy from the pest?
>>69027869
Skin like a kitchen sponge!
>>69021971
>EASY
>EAAASEEEY
>jumps out a giant window that this bathroom just happens to have with dick in hand
what the fuck did i just watch?
>>69023296
>that photo
doesnt he know we can see his fucking sprayed-on hair glued to his forehead? cant he at least clean the hairline?
>>69023665
I imagine that little girl was the daughter of the guy he just "cremated".
>>69029890
>what the fuck did i just watch?
true kino
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ym291QB_Iac
>succesful career
>his own account
>>69023978
>that third one
god somebody must have that video
>>69030236
>3 billion dollars
>>69026889
This looks like one of the MADtv sketches.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUjPz7BKjlM
Hey /tv/, I was watching more Seagan cinéma and I just came here for questions.
Is this kino?
>>69024217
he did under siege and everyone was sure he was gonna be big.
Of course he believed it most of all so he wanted to do his own films (like on deadly ground) which were complete shit and he burned a lot of bridges in the process.
He basically went from potential Bruce Willis to Van Damme to Steven Seagal.
Have we figured out what his hair is yet?
>>69030745
its obviously hair in a can
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2GeF7A05zQ8
i mean look at
>>69027869
you can see the black paint under his hairline.
>>69024692
Pretty spot on 2bh
>>69026512
Well I'm sorry to hear that.
>>69027098
Nice screenshot bro, you take that on a box brownie?
Where does "punani" come from?
>>69027260
It's like niggers, they have a very high incidence of homosexual activity with each other so the homophobia is meant to deflect from it, everyone knows the truth though.
>I enjoy the films of Steven Seagal
>>69031118
>google steven seagal punani
>????
>>69031136
EASY
EASY
>>69031184
I don't get it.
>>69030895
Imagine there is no heaven...
>>69030895
He snatched all of her birthdays at once; completely erasing her from existence.
>>69031324
he want the punani
>>69023296
>Oh hai doggie.
>>69031118
"Punani" is slang for "pussy." Steven Seagal wrote and performed a love song about punani.
>>69031261
OI where's this thread going?
>>69022056
What timeline was this made in?
>>69031471
You don't know how right you are.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6oddWnTGKY
>>69030236
I'm just a simple Navajo/Japanese/Italian/Irish/German/Jew trying to put one foot in front of the other.
>>69032077
she sounds like shes getting cuffocated but her face shows no change
>>69030236
>"I'm just a simple country boy"
>born and raised in Lansing, the capital of Michigan
I mean, come on, it's not fucking Detroit, but this isn't bumfuck-nowhere, Missoura we're talking about.
>>69032077
is she dubbed? she sounds like shes about to cry/die but her face doesnt change
>>69030614
Everything he did after Under Siege is pure kino, not even memeing, it might not be good kino but it's kino. It's a singular vision pursued without any regard to what a theoretical audience would want or find believable.
>>69032077
gotta respect that 20something young actress being able to work up some believable emotions while looking into Seagals ancient dough-face.
>>69031978
What do you think it's doing?
>>69032077
>>69032217
>>69032377
Easy, EASY!
>>69032077
>You could call it a proposal
>ashi maru matsu wazi bashi no koro dai nasu, fatu pigu bring grave dishonur to famiry
>I'll take that as a yes
>*teleports away
>>69023296
The IQ of a matured caterpillar.
Sensei was a meme when I was at high school like 16 years ago and sensei memeing springs up every few years but it's never got any less funny.
>>69021971
The best part about this scene is that before they go into the restroom, it shows that the rest of the building is still full of civilians (it's a train station). Seagal killed dozens of people just to trick a guy with a piss break.
>>69030385
>>69030236
Youtube makes no effort whatsoever to take any Seagal film down, they all come up in the sidebar. I assume it's made billions in ad revenue.
>>69032726
i wonder if you could fit enough TNT into that box to cause that explosion.
>>69032077
Why does he always have a trench coat and a katana? Did he create the nothinpersonel style?
>>69032494
>>69033027
well the trench coat does a good job* of hiding his enormous gut.
*[citation needed]
>>69033027
He has the trench coat to cover up his bloated body. He's been a weeaboo for decades, so the katana is only natural.
>>69033027
He is the last surviving master of the japanese sword
UK LADS, SPIKE TV NOW, MERCENARY FOR JUSTICE IS ABOUT TO START! LET'S GET COMFY!
>Seagal's sloppy patty-cake VS. Gravity-defying monkey style kung fu
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QTU9avrxGmI
I've just watched "Good man" and I gotta say it's pure innovative kino.
>>69026512
Steven Seagal has been a meme since 2007, people are only just now realizing it.
>>69023296
All I got from that was
>uuhuhuuuh staff and dancer huuuhhu
>You understands?
>I want Barbie
>KAPOW
>>69033292
That's a pretty great scene however you look at it.
>>69033363
The part where he talks the main bad guy into trade the gun for the sword was pretty badass, I gotta admit.
>Is this how you wanna go out? A man of war? A son of Guan Gong? Like THIS - killing a child? This is not you. You look at the total summation of your whole life... And see your last breath. Is this it?
>>69033468
There is literally a course of study regarding the works of Seagal. Anyone who takes snatching birthdays seriously owes it to themselves to read this book.
>>69027869
It's like Raging Bull but instead of a bull it's a giant baby.
>>69023310
RIP JA RULES CAREER
>>69033695
Looks like a IASIP prop
>>69034002
Oh, it's real.
>>69033695
>>69034002
>>69034089
You can find this on golibgen.io by the way.
>>69033468
>since 2007
Newfag, Seagal was a pre-meme meme.
>>69034089
>Dai Ryu
>Big Dragon
laughing.jpg
>>69034146
No wait sorry, get it from libgen.io instead, this link is broken
>>69034089
do you own this?
>>69033695
>>69034089
Purchased without even using look inside
>>69034231
One of the best purchases I ever made.
>>69027787
hes fat and out of shape
>>69022056
Isn't he married with kids or something?
>>69032778
>Seagul movies get uploaded directly to youtube after they are finished
maximum comfy
>>69021971
>shows a scene of the black guy getting thrown back well into the explosion
>the explosion was so large it blew out the building
An explosion that big would have vaporized the guy, wouldn't it?
>>69034775
Why are you questioning pure Kinôgraphé?
bad meme
So anybody here knows why Richie did Bobby Luppo?
>>69034864
Well I'm sorry to hear that
>>69034808
It's actual, pure Kino, it disregards everything, even what the viewer wants to see, only showing Seagal's pure artistic vision.
Anyone have the webm of him dancing at some ceremony in Mongolia?
>>69034918
The official reason is because Bobby fucked Richie's wife, but in reality, Richie was just a suicidal, psychotic crackhead.
>>69033695
>Updated and Expanded edition
Unlike Seagal, who is dated and expanded
>>69034146
>>69034218
Ty anon, sincerely
>>69035064
POETRY
>>69035098
No problem my man.
>>69032077
That's honestly the worst acting I've ever seen excluding student films and shit like that. Segal I mean
>>69034951
>tfw you see the same nigga get kicked out of the same window 13 times in a row
>>69029178
holy shit, is he a virgin?
>>69035328
No, he's just a gentle lover. Hugging is god-tier foreplay.
>>69023618
that knife would come in handy if he were attacked by loaves of bread.
>>69035503
This, also make sure you look as angry as possible during foreplay and even sex
Holy shit this is my favorite thread of all time. I'm buying that book for my older brother he is the one that put me onto Seagal when I was like 12. Out For Justice is one of the best movies to drink to or all time by the way. Drink every time someome speaks Italian, drink everytime someone dies or will need hospitilization, drink everytime the antagonist smokes crack.
>>69030614
Fuck, I thought that webm from earlier in the thread was edited to take the piss.
K I N O
I
N
O
>you will never get to pretend you actually are the characters you play in real life and the whole world will humor your and go along with it for some reason
JUST
>>69032494
isnt he like 50 something here?
>>69037125
>born in 1952
>this scene was filmed in 2004
52, give or take.
>put out 11 feature-length films in 2012
What is this punani magic and how can I harness its productivity?
>>69036400
no one goes along with his shit.
except anderson silva
>>69037274
He's like Eric Roberts but with more kino.
Pls post the webm from this movies where he looks like a stupid penguin shyly hiding his fat body in the crevice.
>>69037267
poor woman
>>69030614
It hurts to watch that. Seems defective.
>>69023296
Isn't a mature caterpillar a butterfly?
AY
AYO
HOL UP
WHO MOTHERFUCKER BIRTHDAY UP IN DIS PIECE
>>69027260
Russian here. I believe the gay phobia originates in the Soviet Union. In short... a lot of people got imprisoned during its existence, many of them unjustly. You probably know what degenerate prisoners like to do in their cells, especially with weak inmates. As prison culture inevitably seeped into the general population of the country, the word "pederasty" came to be associated with prison rape. A "pidor" was considered to be a guy who gets assfucked by a stronger guy, who was totally not a pidor but a real man. Men became terrified of homosexuality, because in the eyes of the plebes, there was no difference between a prison rape victim (a "degraded") and a regular gay man. So the folk culture has formed around gayness being associated with submission and rape. Now, calling a man a "pidor" (fag) is equal to calling him a prison bitch. All in all, it's all because of the USSR and its inhumane leaders, as are most bad things in this country.
This fagophobia is naturally especially strong in the criminal circles, since the atmosphere in prison has not changed much since the SU. "Eastern Promises", lol - that's a movie about the most hardcore slav criminals. David Cronenberg is a genius who understands the human condition on an instinctive level. He is able to look into any topic and see the roots of evil within.
>>69021971
What this scene really needed was Seagal doing a Sheev spin out the window as piss flies around him.
>>69034811
Is this a novelization of the script?
>>69024141
>>this is his son
Which son, if this is true
Would you suck his buddy?
>>69021971
Why the hell did the whole house explode when the bomb was clearly at one end?
>>69035886
EASY EASY
>>69020118
He likes japs, so definetly hairy
>>69038019
Her birthday was snatched right in front of him.
>>69038019
One thing I like is that his movies are always inclusive of other cultures
>>69038019
WEN DA PUNANI TERIYAKI FLAVOR
>>69029178
>>69035634
>>69038019
Literally just hugs them and rolls ever
PURE KINO
>>69021971
>A tiny 1x1 box has a bomb big enough to blow up a mansion the size of versillies
>>69038150
Confirmed virgin.
>>69038150
Yeah, for an actual rapist he's very reluctant to actually kiss the woman on the lips
>>69037861
Funniest post I'vs read all day.
>>69034398
What book?
>>69019384
>punani
Yes, I remember laughing for an entire 5 seconds the first time I heard Ali G use that word over a decade ago.
>>69021971
better than hot fuzz
>>69038282
See >>69033695 and >>69034218
>>69038293
I'm sorry to hear that.
>>69038293
THIS MOTHERFUCKER BIRTHDAY NEEDS SNATCH
>>69019384
How is Seagal this much of a meme here now? After decades of shit, 2016 is the year you wanna meme the guy? Why..
Dey took her.
>>69038531
hes always been a meme
>>69038531
/tv/ will force no meme before it's time
>>69038605
MWHAAAAAA THE PUNANI
>>69019384
Is this the /kino/ general?
>>69021971
I love that he survives a building-destroying explosion with a basic tumble.
>>69039601
EASY
EAAAASY
>>69038531
>tfw started in 1998 with my cousin
>>69021971
Is Steven Seagal indestructible?
>>69030436
they all do
>>69027787
>Why does the person responsible keep getting work
Hugely popular in eastern europe.
They love all action movies.
>>69040071
lol no, these are straight to dvd flicks, eastern poorfags pirate everything.
>>69038019
STRAIGHT OFF PUTTING PUBES THAT ARE FUCKING ODDLY THICK
>>69030614
>wet fart @ 1:07
>>69041013
>what the fuck are you doing in my place
>mhm
Wai does he has more hairs now than 35 FUCKING years ago?
>>69041579
Because every part of his body grew.
>>69029983
That photo has been photoshopped. I can tell from some of the hair, and from having seen quite a few bald people in my time.
>>69033695
From excerpts it looks like it was written by a Maddox tier stylist.
>>69026649
Steven, stop looking at the camera.
Steven, pls.
>>69034398
This disgusting hand encapsulates what this thread is about: bunch of millenials disparaging someone's struggle just because the physicality isn't there anymore. (Literally) unwashed masses yawping at every line delivery from a movie, looking for social media kool aid to suffocate the daily drudge.
Can't wait till you start to grow old. Bunch of Kevin Smiths minus all the cash.
>>69034089
>CHAPTER I
>INTO THE SUN
Lost it.
>>69037885
It's shit writing is what it is
>Seagal hosted the April 20, 1991 episode of the late night variety show Saturday Night Live, which aired as the 18th episode of the 16th season. Cast member David Spade regarded Seagal as the show's worst host during Spade's time there. Spade and co-star Tim Meadows cite Seagal's humorlessness, his ill treatment of the show's cast and writers, and his refusal to do a "Hans and Franz" sketch because that skit's titular characters stated that they could beat up Seagal. Seagal was never invited back to the show following that episode.[28][29] Meadows commented, "He didn't realize that you can't tell somebody they're stupid on Wednesday and expect them to continue writing for you on Saturday."[29] The cast and crew's difficulties with Seagal were later echoed on-air by producer Lorne Michaels during guest host Nicolas Cage's monologue in the September 26, 1992 Season 18 premiere. When Cage worried that he would do so poorly that the audience would regard him as "the biggest jerk who's ever been on the show", Michaels replied, "No, no. That would be Steven Seagal."[30]
Steven Seagal: making numales bitch out before it was cool
He also broke Sean Connery's wrist.
>>69034811
>>69034398
This reads like a blog post, and yet it's been published and printed and a lot of time and money was spent to propagate this shit.
