Going to the cinema today, haven't been in years. Any new policies I should know of?
>>68923289
No Singles
>>68923289
>No falcons
>No shitting in the aisles
>No anvils
Oh, and they have a variety of different new flavoured crab's legs, I'm a fan of the fried ones.
I don't know if it was like this when you were there last, but you have to pay a deposit on crab legs and return the hard shelly parts to receive it back. It's something to do with the new Hawk Sustainability Plan. I think they toss the leftovers into the aevery at close of day.
Also they now provide sosp in the showers which is nice but the no singles policy is also in place in the showers now. I didn't need a shower but my dad did so I had to hop in with him which was pretty awkward.
That's pretty much it I think.
>>68923362
>No falcons
This is a joke right? I'm pretty sure my local cinema just put in a new aviary. wtf
No pauses
No spills
>>68923289
My local cinema has begun to enforce the no singles policy for romance and some romcom smart movies. They're still lax for regular viewings.
>plan on seeing a new romance movie
>regular viewing and 3D IMAX tickets are sold out, only smart movie is available
>"Sir, I can't sell you a ticket without a partner."
>"She's running a little late. She asked me to save her a seat."
>"Sir, we can't allow that. Come back when she's here."
>walk out, go to the back of the parking lot, hire a working lady
>Go back in, buy two tickets
>"Enjoy the movie, you two."
>spent all my money on a hooker and smart movie tickets, no crab legs for me
>sit down behind a group of couples
>they all have crab legs
>whatever, at least I have my falcon
>theater darkens, preview starts playing, seat straps me in
>30 minutes in, the first sex scene starts
>silky smooth feelers start crawling over me, seat rumbles a little
>musky scent of sweat and perfume is deployed
>I feel a slight rumble in my tummy
>ignore it since it's probably just hunger
>female lead dons strapon, realize what's gonna happen
>feeler pokes at my anus, tummy rumbles some more, it's not hunger
>diarrhea rushes out but it's contained in my pants, decide to play it cool
>see people in front start to turn to each other
>feel a tap on my arm, look to my left
>hooker gives me the stinkeye
>panic, hit the emergency release button
>there's diarrhea on the smart seat and one of the feelers
>run to the showers, throw my pants and underwear out, quickly wash
>put my shirt back on, quickly sneak out the back door to my car
>no one besides the hooker saw me
>driving away, I realize it's not the worst experience I've had at the cinema
>I figure I'll come back in a few weeks and no one will be the wiser
>fuck me in the ass, I forgot my falcon
>needless to say, I no longer patronize that cinema
>>68924553
>>68923289
No memeing
>>68923289
No firearms with a magazine capacity greater than 10 rounds
No automatic firearms
>>68923289
You have to do short presentation about yourself,if you do not please the guards with it they can throw you out.Its best to learn some pasta,they always pass.
If you go see a movie before noon, they don't dim the lights because of autistic kids.
They call this a sensory friendly movie. There will be dozens of little tards running up and down the aisles screaming.
Not even fucking joking.
>>68925179
This anon. It has to be around 5 minutes long, best bring some cue cards.
>>68923289
>don't sit next to couples
>don't eat next to couples
>don't disturb couples
>>68925333
>don't masturbate on couples
>don't fling feces at couples
>don't insert a finger in a female's anus if her boyfriend sits next to her
>>68925179
>Its best to learn some pasta
My local cinema put a stop to this. In order to foster genuine discussion, you only have to come up to the front and say your name, age, sex, and gender before the film starts. After the credits finish rolling, everyone has to come up, one by one, and give a five minute speech about their initial impression of the movie.
Just remember that whooping, screaming, hollering and generally acting like a monkey on acid is a sign of appreciation.
Anytime you see something even vaguely amusing, you gotta do it, even if you don't feel like it. If you don't, people will think you're some kind of weird autist or some shit.
>>68923495
local places still allow falcons but the larger cinema chains are fazing them out.
>>68926030
This, I got kicked out after refusing to clap. The first couple of times theater attendant just gave me a verbal warning, but after the third time he escorted me out.
Local theatre makes you pick your seats ahead of time from a diagram which is retarded since you never know where tall people are going to sit. Or what the best angle on the screen will be from what is available. I hate it and stopped going there.
Remember to introduce yourself to other filmgoers, you go the front and introduce yourself.
Stop with these fucking cinema memes
>>68923289
Mandatory smegma inspections
I'm getting pretty sick of the presentations
Some of the larger capeshit movies have sponsored presentations with specific prompts, like for BvS they asked us to talk about what part we were most looking forward to seeing and who our favorite character was
I blanked and said CIA, hoping someone would get it, but the guards thought it was a terrorist threat so I got banned
In retrospect it was probably fine
>>68923289
There's no specific rules but generally don't use your phone or be disruptive is the norm :) I hope that helps anon. Enjoy the movie!
>>68925795
Here in my cinema you have to do both,5 minute introduction before film begins and after the film is finished you have to give your impression about it and it has to last few minutes.Its really hard for someone with social anxiety.
>>68926833
What happens if you don't do the last presentation?
>>68927177
It depends on the cinema. At some, they don't give back your deposit, they might not allow you back, or they post a picture of you on the wall of shame in the lobby.
>>68927177
They'll stop you on your way out. Then you'll have to do ten minutes and wipe the loads after that.
itt: stank memes
>>68927177
Well the guards write it down and if it happens again they ban you from cinema for certain amount of time.Also you will get suspicious looks from the rest of audience.
If you are white you are obliged to exchange good seats with blacks and hispanics due to unearned privilege.
Assigned butter pool seating now. Instead of just being able to pick out which pool you're going to float in, you gotta check your ticket. The aisle pools get their popcorn dispensers refilled more frequently.
my local theatre has just started enforcing their anvil policy. basically like a coat check, but with anvils. I was thinking about just not bringing my anvil because you do risk losing it, but that was just a fleeting thought.
>>68923289
Freon policies are big now. Movie theaters are trying to go green, so be prepared to get your levels checked.
>>68925755
So THAT'S why I got kicked out the other day...
They don't let you bring your own canoe to the pool showings anymore. The theater owned ones are actually quite nice and I enjoy not having to take the time to bring my own. Makes it more accessible to poorer families as well.
>>68927304
This is a huge problem for me (a white man) and my black girlfriend. We get separated because she gets the good seats so then they kick us out because of no singles and my guns have been confiscated because I'm a white teenage male so I can't even show them my guns to show I'm superior.
>>68927498
Damn, they still have pool showings? Haven't been to one for years.
>>68927704
