>"Well I'm sorry to hear that because now I'll snatch every motherfucker birthday."
Literally what did he mean by this?
Good luck with your thread OP
>>68653268
so is he using that hair in a can thing for his scalp and goatee?
Why are Seagal threads so fucking comfy, famicoms?
Thread theme: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3v4-zYghodc
I can't get over his stupid goatee
>You will never be Steven Seagal
>tfw bloodbankposting will never take off
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Jji78uEW14
>>68653612
if I snatch that will you die?
Essential seagalposting birthdaycore:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cfNW1ERej0A
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d1In78YppuA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=is04VVj2Cp4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ypMTI6FwCUU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7BD7noSojc8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBnrJoV2mZg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=is04VVj2Cp4
>>68656308
Why isn't seagalposter wearing an overcoat?
>>68656308
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JE7z8i_I7oM
>>68653650
>he posts that on /tv/
Really, nigger?
>>68653650
you're cremated now, motherfucker
>>68656308
You forgot this one.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vLe_BZ1mo3I
Bobby Lupo kind of deserved it.
>>68653268
Requesting that Steven Seagal pasta in the vein of Jared Leto's lights. Camera. Insanity. Except it says "Lights. Camera. Punanni."
>>68656308
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBnrJoV2mZg
im in fucking tears, what is he even shooting? a beretta 9mm? that wouldnt even do anything to a helicopter
What? What, 'cause I don't shoot up a block indiscriminate I ain't hard enough? Huh? Because I think before I snatch a motherfucker birthday, I ain't into this bullshit?
>>68660060
Snatch a motherfucker birthday. What birthday you snatch, huh?
>>68656187
It would be very good to hear that.
>>68658326
we're down.
mayday. mayday.
boom.
>>68653268
fuck you Steven Segal. I was on a flight from Belgrade and this fat fuck was twenty minutes late to his flight.
Got off the flight and he was walking on the side of everyone. He's really tall, but bloated as fuck. He gets out of the airport avoiding everyone. Meets up with some seedy looking eastern european men and gets in one of the very nice BMW's. There was a whole entourage of these fuckers here to see Segal. Like a fleet of very nice cars here to pick up Segal.
He is still really big in eastern europe if you didn't know. Like his movies air daily there still on multiple channels.
Also fuck you for holding up the flight again you fat piece of shit.
>>68653612
Can someone photoshop him like a naxi so he can snatch every motherfucking Jew
>>68656308
>second clip
Did he say "mature caterpillar"?
Also why dones the other guy sound like a fucking computer? Even Siri sounds more human than him.
>>68660184
Yeah, it wouldn't surprised me if this wasn't all a money laundering scheme and he is tied to mafia bosses through his connections in the Russian government. Also, why his name has not come out yet in the Panama Papers?
>>68660770
there wasn't a lot of americans in that list if I remember correctly
>>68660844
Dubs confirm that he has Serbian and Russian, so he could've used any of the two to launder some cash.
him want the punani
>>68656308
I think the big difference between Seagal and Hardy is that Seagal is actually a badass.
>>68660930
hey beech you got the punani or wat
>>68660976
I DID NAAHT HEEET HEER I DID NAHT
OH HAI STEVEN
>>68653268
I'll snap every mother fucker neck.
>>68653612
CIA: Every motherfucker, i'm CIA
Birthday: He wasn't alone
CIA: Uh, you don't get to bring friends
Every motherfucker (E. Motherfucker): They are not my friends
Birthday: Don't worry, no charge for them
CIA: And why would I want them?
Birthday: They were trying to snatch your prize, they work for the mercenary, the fat man
CIA: SEAGAL?
>>68657906
Who the fuck would entrust Seagal with a gun?
>>68653268
When I first saw these threads I thought it was just one of those dumb jokes where we pretend he said something else. But no, that's the actual fucking line. Did he stroke out halfway through saying it?
>>68661619
His masterplan is to become a meme in order to revive his career.
>>68661619
he was gassed from walking 10ft
>>68655887
Why does he start whispering mid-sentence?
>>68654063
He wants the punani you know
>>68655820
kek, all lies
Seagull is the biggest loser on earth right now. He's nothing more than a literal joke.
Say that to his face, faggot.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ysiqKk94XgI
"Well I'm sorry to hear that" could become one of the biggest memes of this year if not the decade
Where's the clip where he says this?
He is a 64 year old 300 pound man with a sponge on his head wearing a katana pretending to be a special ops super soldier.
Just think about it.
>>68665716
>64yo doing what he loves
>14yo (you) shit talking him online
>>68665938
Oh yeah he really seems passionate about it lel
For the last time. The guy he was talking is nicknamed "Birthday"
>>68666031
Stop stealing my memes
Maaahaaa... I'm sorry to hear that... because now... I will ferment every motherfucker champagne
Gird your loins it's a Steven Seagal thread! Or should that read 'girdle your loins'?
ReCaptcha = food
>>68666096
my sides
but make the glasses piss yellow
>>68661619
No, he just wants to sounds like a black person. After people figured out he wasn't Italian, he tried to go black for some reason. He probably realized that ebonics usually drops the "s" in a possesive statement, so he thought it would make sense to talk about "mother fucker birthday" the same way we would talk about "Seagal ridiculous hair." The problem is, the line makes no sense to begin with and Seagal doesn't actually talk like that, so it just seems even more awkward and nonsensical.
Why does his hair look like that? Its a transplant right?
Why does Matthew Mcconaughey's and Steve Carell's hair transplants look so much better?
Surely he must have enough money to get the similar result right?
>>68666096
In the bottle, like the finest French champagnes? Because if not, I'll snatch every mother fucker peas.
>>68666332
it's spray on shit
>>68653268
It means what you think it means
......What happen?
>>68665547
I'd snatch her birthday.
>>68653268
I've legitimately watched this clip over 100 times in the past week and it just keeps getting funnier.
I need a HQ gif of his pause in between "dey thook hurr" and "well I'm sorry to hear that".
>>68666096
Good post
>>68667597
Somebody get this birthday boy outta here
>>68656308
You forgot this one.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUjPz7BKjlM
>>68657953
KEK
>>68667697
>1:25
Who the fuck approved this.
>>68667697
Literal Youtube Poop
Someone post the one where he approaches the door like 7 times
>>68667697
What the fuck is happening at 2:50, jesus.
>>68666332
Seagal is a jew and doesn't want to spend the money.
>>68656308
This too
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mMByDfFMPcE
>>68667697
And I thought shakycam was bad
>>68667697
There's no way that the last 30 seconds are real.
>Replays the same shot 12 time
>The fake southern black accent
>The shitty forced "Cometic" dialog
>>68665938
Steven please... You actually love doing this?
>>68667697
I almost expected the fall to replay one last time while the camera zoomed in on the body.
>>68668476
Imagine being Seagal anon
He did everything a man like him could in his life, probably even drank vodka with Putin in the halls of Kremlin.
Now he is fullfilling his comedic dreams by making bad movies
>>68660060
>>68660097
underrated post
>>68653268
He really does look asian here. Are we certain Segal isn't the Buda?
>>68668692
If you view it that way then OK, but when did Steven start acknowledging the fact that his movies are in fact bad?
>>68660973
>implying Seagal wouldn't have cried on set of the Revenant and quit after two days
Seagal is a grown up version of that kid whose dad worked at Nintendo.
>>68669127
Fat, bald, a declining group of followers...
Hmm
>>68669181
KEK
Required viewing:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cfNW1ERej0A
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0rrR9Rtq8CY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vLe_BZ1mo3I
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5cUNU8GkMso
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V2B9jyZTp4w
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X1il9FT5eZ0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y434mL2B1Zg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dhITLxD595c
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LuqpR7BK3M0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TB1RvU8UR38
Required reading:
https://theflyingguillotine.wordpress.com/2011/08/17/the-ridiculousness-of-steven-seagal-part-1/
https://theflyingguillotine.wordpress.com/2011/08/17/ridicuousness-seagal-part-2/
>>68660844
I believe they just haven't leaked the Americans yet. There sure as shit will be a dickload who hid a truckload of cash offshore.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YmdJliwDmgc
>>68655820
JUST snatch my birthday already
>While still married to his first wife Miyako Fujitani (whom he was obviously just using in order to stay in Japan) he married former Days of Our Lives actress Adrienne La Russa. During his time with her, he met Kelly LeBrock, who he began a relationship and had a child with. His marriage to La Russa was annulled, and he then married LeBrock, but then divorced from her while having an affair with Arrissa Wolf, a nanny to his children. He’s currently with a fourth wife, who must spend every waking day worrying about what’s going to occur first; Seagal’s inevitable affair with another woman, or waking up inside a large cooking pot with Seagal pouring salt on her thighs.
Kek, what a beta cuck.
>>68669947
>stupid enough to have an affair with someone else while married to Kelly LeBrock in her prime
Moron.
>>68669192
I seriously hope you're not serious.
>>68669992
> all that arm flailing
wtf? does he have no sense of balance or something?
>Youtube doesn't bother taking down Seagal's movies
That says a lot, really.
>>68653650
someone please post the Jimmy Neutron Hugh Holocaust revisionism pasta
>>68667697
>"Oh hell no, Storm, I dropped something. Looks like he got a hiccup, somebody give a guy glass of water."
Downloading this shit right now.
>>68670307
lel
>>68660770
His name was in the Punani Papers
>>68670975
One day, Seagal will have a love interest that is about his age.
On that day, Seagal will lose a fight, pigs will fly, and hell will freeze over.
>>68667697
>2:50
LOL
Holy shit, how can someone be so fucking deluded:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BF8sWDUZcSE
>>68670356
>>68670356
>>68670307
On the other hand I'm in baguetteland and the birthday snatch scene is blocked here.
Im gonna take you to the bank senator trent.....
>>68670488
STREAM IT
>Let me tell you something that might be a bit dangerous. I was raised in Japan. I was schooled in martial arts. I was given the title of master. They take a movie “The Last Samurai.” They have a 5-foot-2-inch little guy, whether he was straight or gay, I don’t know. I don’t care. He had never been to Japan. He doesn’t speak Japanese. He has never held a sword. They make him the Last Samurai. We got 450,000 phone calls [laughs] from everybody in the world saying, “That role was perfect for you. How did that happen?” Most of the people I know didn’t like the film and didn’t go see it. It’s just a classic example of Hollywood and the politics.
>>68671568
can someone redpill me on this new meme+
>>68671630
Steven Seagal is completely delusional and has autistic tendencies. Naturally, 4chan now decided to worship him.
>>68671630
Steven Seagal is a bad-ass
Why are there so little Seagull webms
>>68671788
>man
>dying his hair
Jesus
>>68671698
How is he delusional fám?
>>68671568
lel
>>68671863
Only think he dies is his beard
>>68653612
>that file name
Seagal posting is amazing.
>>68671612
>whether he was straight or gay I don't know, I don't care
>>68671852
Oh it shows Steven, it shows
>>68671110
>One day, Seagal will have a love interest that is about his age.
One day, anon. But not today.
>>68671852
>the mating dance of the seagul
We should all feel blessed to be able to witness this rarity in its natural form.
>>68671338
It's also not just Seagal, but the entire MMA community that starts becoming hysterical whenever he's involved. The amount of time and energy spent to recover from the butthurt caused by him is insane when the simple alternative of ignoring him and using humor (like the ultra arm slap video with Silva's friends) is right there the whole time. It's literally a bunch of grown men playing superhero and trying to one-up each other, and a bunch of kids taking sides, it's really hilarious.
>>68671110
>On that day, Seagal will lose a fight
He gets killed in Machete
>>68671630
Like most of the other aged action guys his films have taken a massive nosedive in quality in the last 5 years. A lot of cheap schlock action still gets made only now its micro budgeted even further and aimed at VOD services.
Generally Seagal's recent output is funnier than say recent shitty films with guys like Dolph Lundgren or Van Damme because Seagal is now fat fuck that can't get through two lines of dialogue without getting wheezy.
He's completely non threatening and looks like he could keel over and die at any moment. But of course he's still playing the bad ass role every time.
Also the dialogue in these films are trash. And at times its hard to tell if Seagal is reading typos verbatim off the page or he's fluffing all his dialogue but they didn't bother getting another take.
>>68671612
Let me tell you something that might be a bit dangerous my son. I was raised in France. I was schooled in brewing arts. I was given the title of conosseur. They take a bottle of “Dom Pérignon.” They have a 5-foot-2-inch little waiter, whether he was drunk or not, I don’t know. I don’t care. He had never been to France. He doesn’t speak French. He has never held a bottle. They make him the sommelier. We got 450,000 phone calls [MWEEHEHEE] from everybody in the world saying, “That role was perfect for you. How did that happen?” Most of the people I know didn’t like the champagne and didn’t drink it. It’s just a classic fermentation of Paul Masson so pour my son.
Seriously though what is the context? What does he mean? Is the guys name birthday?
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=cfNW1ERej0A
>>68671568
I taught him that kick, you know.
>>68671568
jesus christ really?
>>68672262
kek
>>68671568
can you loop someone indefinetely with that kick?
Is SS the strongest cartoon character?
>>68672758
Holy fuck is that real?
>those cuts
>that obvious wig
WHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
JESUS CHRIST ANON YOU CAN'T SHOW ME SUCH THINGS MY SIDES ARE FOREVER LOST
>>68672675
>loop someone indefinetely
Turns out Steven Seagal is actually Gold Experience Requiem, FUCK.
>>68672880
You should watch the whole scene. It jumps around so much that it's actually nauseating.
>>68672758
This looks like someone who just got sony vegas started editing to see if it works.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=evd5aWcg0Hc
>>68672880
Come on, we all know this is just a big money laundering scheme involving both the Russian government and the mafia (although you can't really draw the line, as they're pretty much the same nowadays).
>>68668386
It's 100% real. They must have gotten an intern to edit the movie or something. This fight scene from the same film is also excruciating but at least you can tell they were trying to hide the fact that Seagal was only there for the close ups and the rest was a double.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2WPZ936W4Cw
>>68665716
Who is this?
Fuck, the 3mb limit for webm is killing me.
>>68673136
Why is this so funny holy shit
>>68653650
R rated Raimi's Spiderman will never get old.
>>68673158
This jitter is bizarre
Damn, Steven Seagal looks like THAT?!
>>68673234
Because it's a fat loser in denial trying to make himself cool with atrocious editing?
>>68673019
I can't this is literally worse than those bollywood action scenes
>>68673191
I guess so but I don't think Steven would get involved with the mafia again
>>68672758
My head hurts.
>>68673400
>In a March, 2014 interview with Rossiyskaya Gazeta, Seagal described Vladimir Putin as "one of the great living world leaders". He stated that he "would like to consider [Putin] as a brother", and expressed support for the annexation of Crimea by Russia.
>In August, 2014, Seagal appeared at a Night Wolves-organized show in Sevastopol, Crimea, supporting the Crimean annexation and depicting Ukraine as a country controlled by fascists.
It's just another kind of mafia.
>>68671852
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vLe_BZ1mo3I
>>68673674
What's punami?
>>68673751
vulva
>>68673136
Looks like he's been studying under the master.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wAkCLpMtjlM
>>68673854
Yeah, but what's vulva?
>>68673400
>I can't this is literally worse than those bollywood action scenes
At least watch the bar fight.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2WPZ936W4Cw
I swear I could have done a better job editing Kill Switch than the person who actually did it, and I've never been anywhere near a film production. Every scene is nauseating.
I actually saw this piece of shit last night with my cousins. It's mostly boring garbage that's not even about Seagal but there's some cool bits. The really awkward sex scene obviously shot with a double right before the credits is a highlight.
Also Seagal is basically The Punisher in the movie.
>>68674007
>>68673174
Why is he doing the accent
>>68674096
They're trying to disguise the fact that 90% of it was shot with a Seagal double so no you wouldn't be able to.
>>68674007
>that through on 0:25
Cracks me everytime.
>>68674250
The problem is clearly deeper than that. What's the point of the constant cuts to the same thing? Why have the guy fall out of the window 20 times?
>>68673982
hoohoo
>>68674007
>0:04
The fuck is that? Looks like mocca in After Effects.
Also
>that accent
WHY
>>68674007
Dude that video is nauseating, what the fuck.
>>68674860
>>0:04
>The fuck is that? Looks like mocca in After Effects.
Actual BDrip doesn't have this strange effect, at least.
>>68674935
Oh
with Steven you never know
Yellow Phantom Lady glasses are a meme now?
>>68667697
>"Come on, white trash!"
>guy is clearly asian
>>68668321
This is pretty surprising. I mean, he's a dude that obviously can't make fun of himself, and here he is participating in a comedy sketch making fun of the types of movies he usually stars in.
>>68676803
He though it was a real movie
>>68677054
kek
Are birthdayboys bigger guys than bane posters?
>>68674007
>AY MAYNE WAS HATTTNIN
>I AINT NEED NO PEOPLE UP FRONT
>LAWD HAVE MERCY
>MUH FUGGIN BIXNOOD
jesus, this is actual autism. he can't talk to black people without verbal blackface. same affliction quintin tarantino has.
>>68667697
did he shit himself at 1.07?
>>68668321
Seagal's album, Mojo Priest, has "Cockpuncher Blues" listed as a bonus track.
>>68678269
Seagal or the bad guy?
>>68678462
you'd think it was an easy answer but then no.
Why is he so autistic?
>Talks about Cruise
>randomly mentions that he doesn't know if Cruise is gay or not
>Talks about Gene LeBell
>randomly mentions that he doesn't know if Gene is dead or not
>>68661619
He always says dumb shit. In another video he calls someone an immature caterpillar
>>68679271
He's just trying to slyly insult them; there's nothing autistic about it.
>I don't know if Seagal is a whale or not.
>"He can't fight, he's not an action movie guy at all and he's getting action movies now so that should tell you something," Seagal commented.
>"Is he an action guy? No. Is he a great fighter, a great warrior? No. Let's be honest."
>Seagal also lamented the demise of the more traditional action movie, adding that visual effects had levelled the playing field for the genre.
>"There are a lot of different methods of making movies now. They use a lot of special effects," he explained.
>"People don't have to be an action guy or a hero or a martial artist, they just get up there and let everybody spend the money and the time with special effects."
that jelly
>>68679616
Wasn't Seagal's casting in Above the Law because of a bet between producers?
>>68680797
Like he can do anything anymore besides get filmed in close ups and let the stund double do the rest
>>68679616
>>68680876
He has a point that there's too much CGI and shakycam nowadays, but the way he phrases it just makes him seem incredibly jealous of Neeson.
>>68653268
Motherfucker? Look around you.. is this the setting for profanity?
>>68681091
He is none to talk.
>>68681267
Right, how could I forget. Neeson at least didn't need a stunt double half his size to fight Darth Maul.
