See, this is one of the reasons JK rowling is a hack
If I was in the harry potter universe, i'd make my own business, since you know the only job prospects are
>teaching at hogwarts
>death eater
>shop owner
>ministry
Thats it. What i'd do is buy a bunch of house elves, since they're literally slaves, and i'd own a brothel. I'd build a monopoly on polyjuice potion and mass brew it, then my whorehouse would cater to every single taste you could ever want.
Hate umbridge? Steal her hair and hatefuck her.
Cute girl at your job? Steal one of the thousands of hairs she drops per day, and fuck the shit out of her.
Hell, I could probably replicate popular hairs like luna and hermione and charge whatever the fuck i'd like.
This is assuming you know, wizards wouldnt just use their magic love potions, or use a literal date rape spell that erases peoples memory.
What about the villages where wizards live around muggles? Does every wizarding village have the town rapist? Like oh yeah, thats Gregg. He steals off to london and rapes the shit out of any muggle he feels like and then just erases their memory.
Good ol' Weird Wizard Rapey Greg.
sometimes i wonder why i hang around this site and whether or not it is considered normal and then i see a post like this
>>67317703
Wizards are quite obviously mostly idiots, anon.
Even with the hamfisted attempts at patchwork added in with later books, anyone with a brain and decent level of skill could break the wizarding world over his knee.
Theres an entire board that you can discuss "JK" Rowling on even if they make you insecure
>>>/lit/
>>67317703
that happens now but in thailand
>he wouldn't become a professional quidditch player
spotted the cuck
>>67317703
There are spells that can detect any magical fuckery and there is whole departament dedicated to fighting inapropriate use of magic
also
>giving a fuck about books for children
>>67317703
>implying you wouldn't be a worthless fucking muggle
Hopefully this made you realize that Harry Potter was easily one of the dullest franchise in the history of movie franchises. Each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the seriesüf only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.
Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody?just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but itüfs certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.
>>67317860
Thats only for underage wizards. Otherwise the ministry would just use their muggle contacts to call an airstrike on every death eater that cast avada kedavra.
ITT people analyzing a children's fantasy series. It was made for children and based in a fantasy world so every aspect of it has to be as real as possible.
Also did you know that Scooby-Doo sucks because dogs don't act like humans and people don't wear the same clothes forever?
>>67317761
>and whether or not it is considered normal and then i see a post like this
And what is your answer?
>>67317915
yes similar to how the US calls an air strike on every niggnogg who kills someone.
>>67317947
>ITT people analyzing a children's fantasy series
Well they are children themselves
It's been proven over and over the people that spam HP shit on here, /lit/ and /sp/ are children of /v/
>>67317961
>And what is your answer?
i am as vanilla as it gets
and i want off this ride
>>67318005
Why is the thought of us having home grown shitposters and retards so alien to you?
>>67317915
No man I'm not talking about this, they got other shit they use in the bank, Hogwarts and whatnot.
>>67317703
I don't know if I'd fuck a house elf but you've got a decent idea going.
>>67318064
>having home grown shitposters and retards
They spam RT scores and John Oliver threads
Threads like this are made by rejects of /lit/
>>67317785
>not playing Quodpot
C'mon, anon, what other game awards extra points for shooting dindus while flying on a broomstick?
>>67318191
>extra points for shooting dindus
Fucking kek
>>67318090
House elves are vaguely human and can use polyjuice potion
>>67318322
They're not vaguely human any more than an ape is vaguely human. We've only ever seen it work turning one human into another, and the one time someone tried to do a non-human switch they fucked themselves up. In the Deathly Hallows they are explicit that it doesn't work for non-humans, Hagrid can't use it because he's half-giant.
Basically OP's scheme would never work at all, at best he'd poison a bunch of house elves and learn the new spell "Diggus Graveicus."
>>67318553
In that case, using actual human whores wouldn't be that bad. If you can get the hair you're golden.
>>67318553
So? We'll sell some catgirls and midgets in my brothel. There'll be a market for that.
>>67318779
They could be under the imperius curse
>>67318779
Be damn hard to do. You'd need wizards to be the whores, otherwise the wizard cops will come down on you for threatening to expose them by throwing magic around willy nilly (magicing up Muggles is a definite no for the average citizen), and I doubt that there's a lot of wizards out there so broke and neglected (and unable to fix the problem with magic) that they'd be your prostitutes. Not to mention that most of the clientele will be expecting you to get the hair of celebrities, which means you'd have to be a magic cat burglar.
It's possible, but tricky to make profitable.
>>67319012
So you'd do something that's a life sentence in jail, if you can even do it even though it's very difficult high-level magic and nobody is going to teach it to you unless you join the Wizard Nazis, plus you'd have to keep doing it to a person, plus as the books show with that Bertha lady after only a few months even weak-willed people can throw it off and escape? And you'd do so by trying to create abominations with a very tricky potion to make, which requires a large number of rare ingredients to brew? No wonder you're shitposting on /tv/ instead of running a real criminal enterprise, you'd be arrested within a week.
because it's targeted at children
Voldemort and all Death Eaters could be easily assraped by a single squad with automatic weapons, every advantage they have (transportation) comes at a price of 2 disadvantages (owl post, writing with feathers) basically instead of using muddle technology they choose to compleely ignore it
anyway I really like your idea, R-Rated HP when?
>>67319226
Voldy has horcruxes, so he can't be killed by a sniper. But still, you could kill every last one of his death eaters with a rifle.
Who would want to join Voldemort after knowing the last of his supporters got sniped?
>>67317703
I'd do you one better. I would combine magic with muggle machinery/computers and us these machines to mass produce felix felicis.
I would create a whole new world of drug abuse. For muggles and magic fuckers alike. The luckiest day of your life, every day of your life, as long as you've got the money to buy. And you know that shit has to be addictive.
>>67318004
When US marines were clearing falujah, they would call in an artillery, air force, or tank strike on a building rather than storm the building.
>>67320103
>I would combine magic with muggle machinery/computers and us these machines to mass produce felix felicis.
A) You can't. Harry fucks up the electricity just when he gets angry, you explicitly can't mix technology and magic. Nothing works at Hogwarts, and the Muggle Studies class makes people write essays on why Muggles need electricity because they don't understand it's uses themselves.
B) You can't take too much of it, it's highly toxic in large quantities, along with other side effects like extreme recklessness.
>>67319178
you get squibs to do it
>>67319980
OK. Good luck finding and killing a bunch of extremely rich aristocrats living in a secret magical world, who can teleport anywhere in the world and create lifelike illusions at a whim, who can also do something simple like wear one of those Shield Charm hats to stop your bullets. Also, side note, secret society. The whole point is that you don't know who's under the masks, they could be literally anyone.
>>67317767
that's for real literature
>>67320701
lmao do people actually believe this?
you couldn't be more wrong
go to /lit/ if you want to shitpost about marx and pynchon and stirner, they're hot memes over there
>>67320402
House elves can apperate within the Malfoy manor. That means they know where it is.
Imagine a fleet of bombers dropping JDAMS on that manor, poof. 90% of voldemorts army is dead.
>>67320281
I'd figure out ways to make it work. We wouldn't need electricity. If magic can make a broom sweep on it's own, or a sink wash dishes on it's own it can make a conveyor belt move without electricity.
Either way, I would use magic to mass produce drugs. Felix Felicis would be one of them, but it wouldn't be our only product. We'd make muggle drugs and we'd make magic drugs. You think with all those magic plants and potions there isn't a million different kinds of drugs you could make? And who gives a fuck about the dangerous side effects? I'm starting a magical drug cartel, not a pharmaceutical company.
>>67320988
OK. You work on getting a fleet of bombers to blow up a mansion somewhere in Britain that, quite likely, is entirely undetectable to Muggles and is covered with charms that actively repels them (not to mention the house being owned by an upstanding citizen with incredible pull in the magic government), I'll track down the members of this secret magic terrorist group who use untraceable methods to communicate so we know when they're all in one place.
>>67321037
Good luck with that. I'll sit over here, watch you fail to create an incredibly difficult potion that is 'disastrous if you get it wrong' and try to cook meth with fireballs while waiting for the police (magic or mundane, doesn't matter) to come for you.
There are so many ways to make money with Harry Potter magic, and you're choosing the most difficult and illegal.
In the Harry Potter universe, this wouldn't be seen as edgy or immoral. People are probably a lot more sexually liberal and less shy about seeing each other naked, since you can do this kind of thing.
Same goes for Holodecks in Star Trek. Hell, right now you can go to sleep and lucid dream about anyone you want.
Society will always adapt to technology (or in this case, magic). The sooner we progress, the better.
>>67317703
Not true There's wand maker and seller like OlliVander
Then there's taverns like the Leaky Cauldron
The magical pet shops
Dragon breeder/trainer
Quidditch player
Quidditch coach
Journalist
Whatever positons required to run the newspaper
Author
Singer and or songwriter
Record producer
Magical item pawn shops
Curse breaker
Banking positions like accountant (fleur was one that's how she met bill)
Night bus driver
Night bus mechanic
Healer at St Mungo
Potion maker
Researcher at the ministry
Unspeakable (wizard secret agent)
Auror (wizard cop)
And probably others
Grow up
>>67317703
A cat couldn't fart in the middle ages without being burned for witchcraft, how did these wizards hide running to the platform, houses appearing between other houses, trains appearing etc. etc. for centuries? It does not make sense.
>>67321448
Actual magic. Aside from the fact that witchburning was not all that common, they can do stuff like make themselves immune to fire while appearing to be burning, or just running away to a place a couple towns over where nobody knows them and let their story in their hometown just become a local legend forgotten in 50 years.
>>67317900
I like that everytime I see this picture it gets more and more retarded.
Who ever is updating it, never stop
How are the Weasly's poor when they could just use magic to fix their shitty house and ripped clothes?
I would just use the legal rape/mind control potion to become a billionare, I bet alot of muggleborns are living the good life using their magic to take advantage of muggles.
Who wants to be a part of the wizard world anyway?
>>67320701
And /tv/ is for real movies.
>>67317703
I can think of a dozen fanfictions that contain all of those elements. They're shit, but the point is fanfiction can suit every taste.
>>67319178
>will be expecting you to get the hair of celebrities
ACCIO a folicle of Scarlet Johannsen hair.
DONE.
>>67317900
>no Problem Child 2
pleb desu senpai
>>67322196
>alot of muggleborns are living the good life
Thinking of this, pureblood wizards dont know shit about how muggles live. There are probably muggleborns out there living more comfortable than the Malfoys because they know how the system works.
>>67317703
reminder that if you impregnate someone who's drunk a love potion you're hypothetically creating another voldemort
>>67317703
they could have had literal magic science but they chose to live medieval lives while the rest of the world lived in the 20th century
>>67317703
Tbh m8, most of the jobs IRL are:
Teacher
Police man
Shop owner
Governmentand healthcare which you forgot exists in the HP universe
3>2>5>7>4>1>6>8
>>67323112
>implying we wouldn't all live in giant castles if it wasn't for how expensive they are to build and maintain
>>67322180
Their clothes weren't ripped, just unfashionable hand-me-downs, and their house was actually a really cool tower sorta situation where they just kept adding levels supported by magic, but it wasn't a mansion with an estate.
>>67322316
>Breaking news on TMZ, clumps of Scarlet Johannsen's hair were ripped from her skull and went sailing off down the street, into the pocket of a fat beardo who walked into an alley and disappeared. Strange happenings.
>>67322202
/tv/ is for real human beans
>>67322180
Books on magical architecture are expensive
America: 1
Wizards: 0
>>67324329
didn't one of them work for the wizard government or something
government officials should have a sufficient salary to afford a home to a bunch of shitty kids
>>67324517
The dad worked for the government, and they had a huge house built by magic. It's just that they're shitty architects, so it was a shitty house, and that's why the rich people thought they were poor. They couldn't afford an actual nice house, they just built one themselves with magic out of an old farmhouse and it looked like shit.
Nobody in the magical world was starving to death, but there was still people who had money and people who did not.
>>67324517
Not all goverment officials are paid well.
