It's a dog eat dog world.
And I'm the fucking chinaman.
Why did the chicken cross the road,Ray?
It doesn't matter, because I'm the road and nobody is crossing me
>>64911023
Kekd
crimes like this are a diamond dozen, and i'm the jewler.
The hunter always pays the mailman, but sometimes dead memes just won't stay dead.
Vinceposting please come back
I know you were too good for this board but we tried; we won't disappoint you again!
It's a derp eat derp world and I'm the fucking herp.
>>64910940
What's the meaning of all this? No I don't mean life, I don't mean what's the meaning of life, I mean what's the meaning of this mess you left on the living room floor.
>TFW TOO STUPID TO THINK OF A VINCE POST
;_;
>>64912623
I know that feeling f.am.
>>64912623
this is why this meme won't last
>>64910940
Sex is like an omlette, crack 'em twice and sprinkle some cheese on it.
>>64912623
I've been trying like an idiot for 10 minutes. Nothing.
My god, Wincent Waughn's hair is fucking outstanding in that picture.
>>64913055
>>64913181
>>64913089
>>64913164
>>64910940
They say don't count your chickens before they hatch, but all my eggs are in one basket and it's breakfast time, Ray.
>>64913181
>>64913089
>>64913055
take a common saying and then put a twist on it, but a twist that doesn't really make sense.
like, "it's always darkest before the dawn, but a flashlight works no matter what time it is"
Ghandi said an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.
So I opened an eyepatch store down on 42nd street.
>>64913242
I have the same hair when i dont shower for 2 days
"Never do anything out of hunger. Not even eating"
>>64913356
My doctor tells me to stay away from complex carbohydrates but who can manage in a world full of bigmacs
was that good?
They say you can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs. Well guess what, Ray? I'm the fucking mother hen.
>>64913529
Same. That perfect level of natural hair oil right before it gets so greasy it's plastered to your head, but right after it's so freshly washed it sticks out everywhere.
You know the old saying "An apple a day keeps the doctor away"?
I'm an orange, Ray
They say a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, but I haven't shaved my dick in years Ray. Let's see what flies away.
>>64912623
Just think of a common saying and then take it too literally.
They say a watched pot never boils.
But if you keep looking at me like that, Im going to burn your whole house down.
They say two wrongs don't make a right, Ray. Well, I took a left turn somewhere in life. Casper knew this.
If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. Well I'm the fire marshal, and I say this kitchen is out.
>They say to make an omelette you gotta' break a few eggs, Rey
>Well, I'm in the mood for a foot-high stack of scotch pancakes
Well if isn't the pot calling the kettle black. Well I'm the kettle and I say fuck you.
Walk a mile in my shoes Ray?
You can't, my shoes are size 15
Trust no one, not even yourself
My father told to never make a scene. Well you know what Ray? I'm the fucking director
They said I bit off more than I can chew, so I swallowed the whole fucking thing.
abandon thread
You may say I'm a big guy for you, but if you shoot at goliath he's hard to miss
What's good for the goose is good for the gander
Well I'm the fucking goose Ray, and you're my gander
What DIDN'T Casper know?
>>64913633
there wasnt a common saying in that
>>64914182
not this
With great power comes great responsibility, but great responsibility comes with great power.
They say to speak softly and carry a big stick, ray, but right now my stick is soft and I'm speechless.
>>64910940
>>64911023
>>64913305
>>64913654
>>64913763
>>64913770
>>64913927
>>64913991
was going to kill myself but you made me laugh
>>64913089
it's a top meme because it encourages creativity
>>64913917
They say a watched pot never boils...
But I'm about a simmer away from the burn ward.
They say lightning never strikes twice but guess what? I'm fucking Zeus Ray
>>64910940
The grass is always greener on the other side but cows can't see green and I'm the fucking bull, Ray.
Tip for tap Ray.
And I never tip.
It's not easy being green Ray
But I'm the fucking Hulk
Fit as a fiddle? Well I'm a fuckin' Stradivarius, Ray and no plays me.
Fool me once, you're fucking dead.
>>64913356
I get the format. I just can't write some funny punch line that follows the saying. Some of these are genuinely funny. I guess I'll never be a true mememaster like some of you guys.
The house always wins in the end. But I'm the one payin the fuckin mortgage.
A wise man once told me, "keep your friends close, and your enemies closer", and I don't have any friends, Ray.
Well if it isn't Ron Burgandy, and the Channel 4 news team.
>>64914644
But you got dubs so yeah
It's an unpredictable word we live in, ray. When life gives me lemons, i don't make lemonade - i make fucking orange juice
What are you saying, Ray? That life's hard?
Yeah, but thats why I have a helmet
>>64913654
Christ, I almost died here.
>>64910940
Tit for tat, Rey. I've been tat for as long as I can remember, and I still haven't seen a fucking tit.
They say it's best to kill two birds with one stone, but I'm a boulder and I'm smashing freshly cooked turkeys Ray
They say it takes two to tango, but I march to the beat of my own drum, Ray, and its in fucking 3/4 time.
I AM THE ARSE BANDIT RAY
Ray, if you give a man a fish he'll eat for a day. If you teach a man to fish he'll take all your fuckin' fish.
They say snitches get stitched Ray.
Well I'm the fucking doctor.
>>64914676
th-thanks
They say it takes two to tango, Ray. But I always preferred Fanta
"You teach a man to fish and you feed him for the rest of his life"
Well, i fed him to the fishes Ray, and they're STILL hungry
They want to fight fire with fire, Ray.
But they don't know that I'm 90% made of water, and so are they.
>>64914763
That's actually something Frank would say.
>>64914715
>>64914710
>>64910940
Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me, fool me thrice, shame on all of us, man was not meant to feel this level of anguish and sadness
You know the difference between a Jedi and a whore, Anakin? Whores don't let you fuck them if you use force.
Lucky Strike: It's toasted!
I'm the fucking toaster Ray.
I got blue balls of the heart, Ray.
>They say an apple a day keeps the doctor away, Ray. And I have a whole fucking orchard.
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day, Ray. But you feed that fish to a shark and you don't even need the man.
You know how they say measure twice, cut once?
Well I don't give a fuck what you do, Ray. Just remember I'm the ruler.
>>64914710
hahaha
They say not to cry over spilt milk, but my nipples won't stop fucking leaking
There should be a movie where people literally just say this shit to each other the whole time
They say some people never truly live until the day that they die, Ray. Ask me what I'm doing with this gun to my head Ray. Go on. Ask me. I'm getting a life *pulls trigger*.
This whole things a Japanese business deal Ray! And we're just the hired escorts!
You know that saying "Men are from earth, but women are from mars"?
Well I've got a whore house full of martians Ray
They say you gotta pick your battles. But what if the battles pick you, Ray?
>>64914875
Look at every Jimmy Cagney flick ever made you fucking pleb
>>64914847
>>64914924
They say you shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth, but I'm a fuckin dentist Ray.
>Nic Pizzolatto, creator of the HBO TV series “True Detective”, was found dead today in Los Angeles. Police said he appeared to have hanged himself. He was 39.
>The officer responsible for investigating the death said that the writer had hanged himself with a cord from the suite’s curtains. A rope was also found around his genitals. Police said Pizzolatto’s body was taken to a hospital for an autopsy that would be carried out today.
>According to the hotel maid who found the body, his suicide note was "as poorly written as the second season" of his TV show. "Certain experiences you can't survive, and afterward you don't fully exist, even if you failed to die", Pizzolatto wrote. He also mentioned feeling depressed about HBO refusing to renew his contract, following low ratings and negative reviews. HBO declined to comment.
>Pizzolatto is survived by his wife, Amy, and their 5 year-old daughter.
http://variety.com/2015/tv//nic-pizzolatto-found-dead-1386034176/
>>64914727
Very clever
>>64913770
>>64914710
>>64914715
>>64914872
I watched a snail crawl along the edge of a straight razor. That's my dream; that's my nightmare. Crawling, slithering, along the edge of a straight razor... and surviving. Caespere knew this.
>>64914939
Pls no bully
>>64914959
>article not found
They let the cat out of the bag, Ray.
Let sleeping dogs lie ? I say let's wake them the fuck up.
I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, Ray, but it's a good thing I'm a fucking sledgehammer.
They say never take a wooden nickel. Well that's fine because they're made of fucking copper
"When pigs fly", isn't that what you told me?
Well I just saw my mother on a blimp Ray
They should have never cut their nose off to spite their face, because I'm the goddamn plastic surgeon Ray, and Caspere knew I specialized in rhinoplasty.
I'm a storm in a teacup, Ray. And I don't take sugar.
No man is an island, Ray. But I'm all man, and I'm a goddamn planet.
You know that old adage Ray? "Leave 'em while you're lookin' good?" Well I'm the fuckin' Homecoming King, and I ain't goin' no where.
The best day of owning a boat is the day you sell it, but I can't swim, Ray.
I'm caught between two stools, Jordan. You want a fucking baby ? Well my balls are in your court.
They say let sleeping giants lie, Ray, but I say hook the narcoleptic motherfuckers up to a polygraph already.
>>64915199
noice
>>64914939
>tfw people shit on Vaughn's dialogue and have never seen a Jimmy Cagney picture
This thread is fucking golden, pony boy
They say a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. Well, I climbed into the bush. And now my hands are full of fucking birds.
They say to make hay while the sun is shining, but I only feed my horses whiskey
>>64914650
dead on
You know who Caspere was Ray? He's a fucking ghost and the only thing I'm busting are my balls here.
>>64915260
fucking lel
>>64915260
>Well, I went into the bush Ray, and all I got was covered in bird shit
ftfy
You are what you eat Ray
And tonight you're eating toast
>>64914650
>>64915168
Could be actual dialogue tier.
People like you can't see the forest for the trees, and I am the woodpecker.
My grandfather told me you can discover everything you need to know about everything by looking at your hands. I've been looking at mine all my life, every day since I was 5, and you know what I've just realized? They're fucking feet.
Ever listen to the sound an owl makes Ray? Well I'm the tree it's perched on and I'm asking 'what' not 'who'.
They say time heals all wounds Ray, but my watch has stopped and my fingers are too broken to wind it.
>>64913763
Laughed irl
You say i have a chip on my shoulder Ray?
That's a fucking mole you idiot
Common sense is what tells us the earth is flat, Ray. Why aren’t red traffic lights heart-shaped?
Because Cupid doesn't want you to see him coming when he'll blow your fucking head off.
They say the eyes are a window to the soul.
But I look and I look and all I see are curtains. Curtains for you, Ray.
>>64910940
how do i get this hair?
They say when in Rome, do what the Romans do...
Well I guess this is the fucking collosieum ray
An apple made Newton understand gravity
Now I'm your apple Ray, and I'm going to make you understand the gravity of your situation
>>64915638
You know what they say about what goes on behind the curtain, Ray ?
Well my curtains are made of beef.
>>64915260
lmao
The world doesn't owe you anything, but it will always be in my debt.
>>64915404
absolute madman
>>64915404
Hahaha
You know what they say Ray, one apple a day keeps the doctor away, and you're running out of apples.
HE NEVER SAID "CASPERE KNEW THIS"
You're going to say that he did, but trust me, he didn't. I watched this recently and paid attention.
My barks bigger than my bite, Ray, but that's because I'm a fucking tree, and when I finally fall, I'll crush everything beneath me.
The Godfather lied to us all along, Rey.
I refused the offer, only to find out there wasn't any.
>>64911183
You mean a dime a dozen
>>64910940
>it's a doggie dog world
What did he mean by this?
I've been trying to get a second wind Ray, but I can't stop pissing in it.
>>64911023
Kek
>>64915865
Sometimes you say things, sometimes you don't. It doesn't fucking matter, Ray.
This world wouldn't hear us even if we were all screaming at the same time.
>>64915865
Caspere knew this
>>64915865
He ironically did though
The shoe's on the other foot now Rey, but I'm walking on sunshine
[Spoilers]Woah-ah-oh[/spoilers]
>>64912623
caspere knew this
The pen is mightier than the sword, Ray. Me? I'm an HP Color Laserjet 9000 RSXXPro™
I think its time we addressed the elephant in the room Ray
I want it out of my room by tomorrow
>>64914650
It sound good, but it doesn't actually mean anything. nice
>>64915976
No.
Seriously, he never said "Caspere knew this" or something like that. He mentioned Casperes name a few times, but that's it.
You know how people ask if a bear shits in the woods Ray?
Well I'm a bear, and goldie locks just stepped in a pile of my shit.
Round and round I go Ray. And where the fuck do I stop, huh? Nobody fucking knows. Not even Caspere.
They say a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, but I hunt squirrels, Ray, and they're worth a diamond dozen any day of the week.
They wanna play grab ass? Well my hands are full of blood and I've got the ass of a 19 year old.
>>64915361
You know Ray, they say all the world's a stage. But Shakespeare never had to act like he gave a shit what you said.
>>64914799
Caspere knew this.
>>64914924
Men are from Mars and women are from Venus, you complete moron.
Every dog has his day, Ray. And I lease kennels.
They say you can't fry every egg, but I'm damn hungry and my fridge is full of eggs, Ray.
They say my bark is worse than my bite, but I've got a nylabone and I've been sharpening these bad boys for a long time.
They say Fish don't fry in the kitchen,
Beans don't burn on the grill.
Well it Took a whole lot of trying Ray,
but Im about to get up that hill.
Most people are either a lion or a gazelle.
But make no mistake at the end of the day I'm the game warden.
>>64916083
They say you can't really ignore the elephant in the room, Ray, but this isn't Africa anymore and I want you back in the trunk.
Wilson told me that when Eskimos get old, they go on a final whaling trip, never to return. Well I'm about to fuck Al's mother and I feel cold all over. AUUUUGGHHHH.
>>64916294
Caspere knew this
>>64916064
>>64916434
>They say you can't really ignore the elephant in the room, Ray, but this isn't Africa. So I just fucking shot it
Im between a rock and a hard place, ray. My dick is the hard place, and Im going to fuck the rock.
They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks Ray
But I just taught my father how to use the toaster
They say an apple keeps the doctor away for a day, but a poisoned apple keeps him away forever, Ray.
Caspere's killer knew this.
Somebody once told me the world was gonna roll me. Well guess what, Ray? I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed.
He was shooting at god, Ray.
They say let sleeping dogs lie, but I'm no bitch. Keep up Caspere.
Blood is thicker than water Ray
Have you ever seen a water pudding?
They say don't go chasing waterfalls.
Well my business is drying up, and I'm fucking thirsty.
>>64914149
Wendell Lira pls go
>>64914101
10/10
You want to see eye to eye with me Ray, but it's impossible. I only have eyes for one person. And that's person... is Caspere
It may take a village to raise a child, Ray, but I'm raising Hell, and I've got the whole city behind me.
They say the early bird gets the worm.
Well I have insomnia, Ray.
They say the apple doesen't fall far from the tree. But when I look up all I see are fucking lemons.
>>64913633
I sure laughed.
>>64915638
2deep
They say don't judge a book by its cover. But I'm fucking blind, ray.
We constantly seek what cannot be delivered in life, Ray. But I took over UPS and deliver to myself now.
holy fucking shit
Your say this costs an arm and a leg, but i'm only bartering with my heart Ray
>>64917030
Vinceposting is fucking gold.
Someone post the chess one
You've gotta pay the piper.
But I'm the fucking conductor.
"Abandon all hope ye who enter here"
That's the sign I put on my bathroom door Ray
There's an old Irish proverb, Ray: "one beetle recognises another". But these Featherwing fucks didn't count on me being a Goliath.
Sometimes your worst selfs best self is your worst selfs selfs best self, know what I'm saying Ray? Because I sure as shit don't.
They say be careful what you wish for, Ray. Well I'm the fucking Genie and you're rubbing me the wrong way.
Don't count your chickens before they hatch Ray
One of'em just might be a duck
"They say home is where the heart is. Well my heart is still in my body and everywhere I go so I'm a fucking RV Ray."
You know how they say you can catch more flies with honey?
Fuck that, Ray... baseball is for fags.
>>64917234
LOL
>>64917189
Haaahahahaha
>>64917145
i think i died
>>64914639
They say no man is an island. It's only half true Ray because I feel like a fucking archipelago.
Nothing in life comes free, Ray. But I'm the taxman and it's April 15th.
You're full of shit Ray
In fact you might as well go to India and become the Raja of Poo
They say slow and steady wins the race, Ray...
Me, I'm just going backwards.
They say those who live in glass houses should not throw stones. Well Ray I learned to live in the stone so I could throw some glass.
>>64912623
Humor is like a fart. If you force it, it's probably shit. And I have fucking diarrhea, Ray.
>>64916126
>he never said "Caspere knew this"
W-what?
Fucking Caspere
>>64917571
laughed out loud. Thanks Anon.
Greased lightning?
No Ray, I'm buttered thunder
They say hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
Well I must have had a sex change ray, because I'm fucking pissed.
They say a chain is only as strong as its weakest link. Well this is not the fucking Middle ages, Ray.
They say if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself. Well I have no arms, Ray, and it ain't gonna jerk itself.
When I was a kid in school. the teacher gave us some finger paints and construction paer and told us to get creative. I realized then, if you wanna do things right, you gotta get your hand dirty, but at the end of the day, it all washes off.
>>64915699
heh
Truly a patrician meme
Sad it doesn't last since it takes actual effort
They say all it takes to be gay is eating some dick.
Well Ray I'm a fucking Rabbi and I still feel nothing for you.
>>64917776
its also very hard to apply outside of these threads
They saw once you go black, you never come back.
But i'm not about to be cucked by the system and let it escape me.
>>64914650
this is actually clever
>>64917862
True
They say a watched pot never boils, well someone better start watching me cause I'm boiling over, Ray
>>64917915
Quality one liner, I'm writing it down.
You'll hear it in the next season.
>>64910940
You wanna know why success doesnt grow on trees ray? Cuz guys like me plant the fuckin seeds
>>64917145
best one yet
When I was a kid a friend told me a joke. He said "Why did the kid throw butter out the window?" I was puzzled. Didn't know the answer. He then replied "so he could see the butter fly." Let me tell you something Ray, butter doesn't fly. It just falls to ground. That is when I realized I have been using margarine my whole life. You get what I am saying?
Im like a squirrel, Ray. Burying acorns in the yard for a winter that will never come. It's fucking July every day of my life and the weatherman's a goddamn liar.
>>64914769
kek
>>64918172
Kek
Ever heard how the customer is always right? Well, i'm not in the service industry anymore.
Some shod post screenshots from when the show was still going on
Ray, you told me cats always landed on their feet, I dropped a cat from my fifth floor Ray, and now the pavement's covered in gore and my wife's crying in the other room.
Fuck you Ray
>>64917571
ahahaha holy shit
>>64917571
Kek
They say a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down. Well I'm the fucking sugar and you're going down.
>>64914875
Closest you're going to get is the tv show Bullet in the Face.
>>64917571
motherfucker
Every dog has its day, Ray
That's why my wife is on a vacation.
They say life's like a box of chocolates, never know what you'll get. I say that's bullshit, Ray. I know exactly what I'm getting and it isn't fucking chocolates.
>>64914875
there are tons of plays like that, most people dont like them
Big things come in small packages, huh? Someone tell that to the post office after I'm done here.
If you smelt it you dealt it, Ray. But I'm the dealer and I don't smell shit.
They say everytime a bell rings an angel gets its wings
Well I must be the King of Wings in Heaven cause I've been ringing people's bells ever since I've started this business, Ray
>Imagine each of us is a part of a plane. Everyone wants to be the engine or the cockpit, but most of us end up being an in flight magazine or one of those fold-out food trays. All my life I thought I was the black box. Turns out I'm the landing gear and we're coming down on the ocean. Life is that ocean and you're the inflatable emergency slide.
It's a doggie bag world, Ray, and I'm all out of leftovers.
What did Caspere know?
This world is hell, Ray
And I'm the lava
>>64915893
faggot omg
Early bird catches the worm, right? Well, from where I'm standing, Ray, it's just a plumper dish for the night owl.
>>64919582
>>64918928
Heh
>>64918194
I love this, its pure vince
>>64919582
>>64919661
Holy shit you're a gigantic faggot.
They say an apple a day keeps the doctor away. Well I ain't no doctor Ray, how do you like them apples?
>>64914650
>sounds like a line and means completely nothing
confirmed as pizza
Life sucks and then you die, but i paid for a happy ending
>>64919291
fucking shit
