>go to see a movie
>there is only one singles seat left
>its right next to the ketchup dispenser
>spend the whole movie with people in my way when they are getting more ketchup for their hotdogs
>murrikkka
>ketchup dispenser inside the cinema
>>64584643
>europoors have to take their own ketchup to the cinema
>middle of movie
>important scene
>suddenly start feeling uncomfortable
>look down
>there's an anvil on top of me
fucking really?
I call bullshit. It's a mortal sin to put ketchup on your hotdog in the Midwest atleast.
>purchaser isn't required to select seat upon purchase of tickets
>what third world country is this?
>>64584609
Is this true?
Do you guys have Ketchup and Hotdogs in cinemas?
>be in chicago
>ketchup dispensers banned, feels good man
>pickle tub is empty again
>get mugged by a nigger on the way home
And it wasn't even a film, it was a flick.
>enjoying movie
>suddenly the lights go up
>oh no not again
>two men in lab coats makes a beeline straight for me
>one of them rakes through my hair with a fine-toothed metal comb
>his assistant stares at me and makes notes the whole time
>the (doctor?) put the comb in a plastic bag, seals it, nods, then quickly leaves
>the lights go down and the movie starts again
>go with two friends to see star wars
>usher comes up and says that one of us has to move because we're taking up an extra couples seat
>spend the whole movie alone and don't get any of the in-jokes my friends were making during the movie and keep referencing in the car ride home
>>64584609
>no server serving food drinks condiments to your seat
poorfag
>ketchup
>>64584609
>ketchup
>not catsup
YOU ARE ALL CANCEROUS VARICOSE VEINS ALL OF YOU
>>64585011
10/10
In Japan I bring in 3 500ml x 8-9% alcoholic beverages into the cinema.
Perfect amount to just get the buzz but not get too drunk nor the urge to piss take over. That is unless it's some 3 hour+ film
>In summer
>Decide I will have a pre movie wash since its to hot and I want to be dry and fresh to enhance my viewing experience
>Someone left a turn in the cinema showers
> me and Chad go to see Paul blart mall cop
> purposely sit next to the ketchup dispenser so we can refill the ketchup on our hot dogs as we slurp from it
> fit fag walks in and laugh at us while we line our pockets with ketchup
> me and Chad laugh back at him for basically having no ketchup access
> we sit back and enjoy Paul blart mall cop while suckin the ketchup out of our ketchup
>Get to the theater
>Find my assigned seat in the singles' box
>Some asshole left his anvil in it
Every fucking time.
>>64585088
>watching japanese "cinema"
>>64584711
>Americans can't go without eating for 2 hours
>>64585101
>hot water is used up
>>64585170
>no one wiped off the nozzle
>>64584711
Honestly not sure if this is bait or not. That's how fucking ridiculous you burgers are. Eat food in a restaurant. You do not need to constantly be inhaling hot dogs/nachos etc.
Jesus fucking christ I'm riled
>go to the cinema with a friend
>buy ticket, make sure to announce loudly that we're friends to dodge the singles box
>lose my friend in the showers
>end up having to sit in the singles box
>in cinema in London
>halal meat vendor comes in mid-screening
>audience begin ululating in excitement
>I stand up and ask them to keep it down
>get a greasy kebab thrown in my face
>whole audience starts laughing at me, calling me a kaffir, whatever that means
>I hold back tears and try to run out
>some old lady in a burqa trips me up, I slam into a wall
>audience is howling
>I just lie down, defeated
>little kids start throwing stones at me
>where the fuck did they get stones?
>>64585511
>>64585168
>>64585074
>>64585060
>>64584965
>>64584908
>>64584711
>>64584643
How fucking new are you?
Leave and never come back.
>>64585574
seriously are the showers labyrinths in america? I've never gotten lost in the cinema showers in europe
>>64585705
You get a free satchel of stones with every small popcorn purchase
>this thread
>Go to the movies in a monday
>pays like 5 dolars to see it in the VIP room
>regular rooms are like 2 dolars
>sit comfortably in the cair that is as soft as my bed
>take off my shoes
>sit way back, almost lying down to watch the movie
that's how cinema is supossed to be done mates
>>64585783
You must have a shit bed
>Go to see Force Awakens
>Give usher my ticket and head to the washroom to have a wash in the bidet
>Accidently poop a little in anticipation of seeing Star Wars
>Nobody noticed but it did start smelling a bit
>I quickly wash up and run to ask the usher where the cinema showers are
>She says "what?"
>I NEED TO WASH MY ANUS HOLE OUT BECAUSE I SHAT IN THE BIDET
>She looks at me quizzically and soon calls the security to escort me outside
>I feel the cold embrace of canadian winter, my nipples start getting chapped
>My bowels start loosening in the anticipation of chapped nips
>FUCK!!
>I can feel all the coffee I drank earlier push the turd out of my poop chute
>HERE'S JOHNNYYY!!!
>>64584609
I leave this board for a month and I come back to people talking about showers, anvils, and falcons
I don't get the joke
did people realize bain posting was stale so they just made some new epic may-mays to spam the board with
>>64585992
this shit is older than bane, newgag
>>64585992
While you were gone, an ancient anvil awakened.
>>64584908
Fuck you. I put ketchup mustard and mayonnaise on them. Even caring or noticing what condiments people use for their pig anuses isn't allowed
>>64585992
The showers shit is old as fuck.
i eat my hotdogs with mayo, ketchup and mustard combine.
come at me.
>>64585705
>I slam into a wall
>I slam
Subtle, I like it
>>64586408
My knee hurts now from me slapping it
>>64585122
Based Blartbro
>go to the cinema
>carrying my anvil into the theatre
>assistant stops me
>sorry sir, but you must leave your anvils outside
>ask him how i am going to open up my crab legs without my hammer and anvil
>spouts some shit about healthy and safety
>reluctantly leave my anvil with all the other anvils people have had to leave
>The Anvil Hoarder (1930) finishes (great anvilcore)
>all the anvils are gone
>an anvil hoarder has stolen all the anvils
>he did me a favour, i have too many as it is
>>64586633
I'm assuming these are fairly small anvils
>>64586658
you know what they say about assuming
you make an ass out of u and ming
>no no singles policy
>hundreds of falcons circle cinema
>mfw I brought my cat to counter n singles policy
>mfw I'll never leave this parking lot alive.
>>64585992
>this board
you sound fat
>>64586633
how does it feel to live in such a shit country that you're not even allowed to smash your anvil with your hammer at the end of the good flick in a show of appreciation? fucking pathetic.
>>64585992
Anvilposting is 2016 certified fresh, friend.
>>64584609
Go earlier to get a better seat, ya dumb faggot.
>/thread
>go to cinema on tuesday
>wear you blue scarf
>everyone else is wearing red
>cashier tells you that you're the cinemaster
>leave movie
>go to theater showers
>line to go in is long
>finally get in
>shampoo is out
>soap is out
>hot water is all used up, shower only running cold water
Fuckin' great...
>work at local theater
>put on midnight screening of 'l' enclume forgerons' (1908)
>give free anvil with every ticket
>tfw i got rid of all my surplus anvils in one night
>>64585992
because no one gives a shit about movies only /r9k/ green texts to upload to r/4chan
>>64584609
>ketchup dispenser
w-what?
>go to cinema
>guy walks in carrying an anvil
>comes over to me
>"hello, would you like this anvil!"
>"i have too many anvils as it is!"
>"when will i be rid of this anvil!"
everytime
>Gain free tickets to AnvilFest 2015
>It's some sort of Anvil Convention for Anvil Hoarders.
>The Anvil Hoarder (1930) is going to be playing so I figure why not?
>I enter the theatre room
>I am the only one without an anvil, feel slightly silly
>The title-scene wipes onto the screen and all of these people start smashing their anvils with hammers
>The noise is unbearable and there are sparks and pieces of crab flying everywhere
>One man lets go of his hammer mid-air and it kills his wifes son with a blow to the head
>A spark settles on a piece of chair upholstery and catches fire
>The fire spreads hastily, half the place is on fire and the exits are unreachable
>Some realise what a terrible mistake they have made
>In their regret, they try bargaining off their anvils to other anvil hoarders
>I couldn't quite hear the replies, but it seemed as if many of them had too many anvils as it was
>By this time, more than 3/4 of the people are either severely burned, or dead
>Screams of "When will I be rid of this anvil?!" fill the air
>I make my way to the corner of the room and sob whilst in the fetal position
>After what feels like a life time, I see firefighters flood the entrance
>By this time I am the only one left alive, the theatre is a nightmare of corpses and anvils
>The Anvil Law in my city states that if you witness the death of an anvil owner, you now own his anvil
>A firefighter comes over to me and checks if I am OK
>I am in shock and panic, and all I can think about is how many anvils I now own
>"Would you like an anvil?" I ask him, hardly able to string a sentence together
>He states he has too many as it is
>The enormity of my involuntary possession of all these anvils overwhelms me
>I grab the nearest rogue hammer and star blugeoning the man
>All I can scream is "When will I be rid of these anvils?!"
>Now doing life in prison for neglecting my duty as a citizen to adopt the deceased mens anvils
>>64586955
the irony is that there really isn't any major distinction between the userbases of reddit and 4chan anymore. what i'm saying is everyone everywhere is faggots.
>go see a movie
>take a piss
>the guy in front of you starts yelling at you
>>64584609
>barbecue night at local cinema
>some clown brings a charcoal grill instead of gas like normal people do
>cant see due to smoke
>ketchup dispenser ran out almost immediately
ruined the night desu
green text is 2015
go to cinema
sit in a seat
watch artistic visual renderings
feel something
upon house light ceremony arise and salute picture of Her Majesty the Queen
conga chain with other cinema attendees until outside is reached
climb on Clydesdale horse, ride home to report going on to wife, family and servants.
Realize pocket anvil is missing, FML
>>64587049
This anvil shit is possibly the worst meme this board ever came up with.
>preparing for my cinema trip to see iron man 3
>get in car
>cinema anvil keeps biting my ankles and shit
>put him in his cage until we get there
>forgot to fill up with cinema gasoline
>cinema mechanic doesnt let me park until i get cinema approved petrol
>anvil goes ape shit and starts clanking in his cage
>i do a burnout in front of the cinema and speed away
fuck those faggots im going to the walmart cinema next time
>>64587049
>>64587151for you
>>64587151
>cinema showers and falcons is ok
>BUT ANVILS IS OVER THE LINE
>>64587061
>tries to push a no-greentext maymay
>gets beaten to death with anvils
>>64587181
KEK
>>64587053
I know right
why does everyone persecute us redditors we just want like to make memes like the rest of you
narwhal bacon uuuu anvils
>at concession stand
>buy 2 bars of bronze metal so i can fashion a neat popcorn bag while watching the movie
>forgot my hammer
fuck my life
>>64587254
no that's what teenagers want to do
>>64587254
>reddit tells everyone /tv/ is /b/ 6.0 or whatever
>teens and faggots flock here to check out how edgy it is
>it turns into liquified shit within hours
soon all boards will be like this
>>64585756
It's gets so much more reddit each time
Like it's funnier if you don't try so hard in the greentext
>spit on the theatre door handle anytime I use it
>spit any black sweets I accidently ate cause I couldnt see in the dark out on any empty seats or throw them infront of me
>stay to watch first part of credits but leave and kick over anything I see on my way out
>>64587326
you can tell who is posting from reddit just by how much effort they put in trying to be funny
>tfw shitposting from one of the cinema computers right now
I don't know what I did before they had these, I'd get so agitated and bored about 30 minutes into each movie
>>64587368
Hello Reddit!
>sneak into kids film
>sit at front row
>as soon as the movie starts i chuck a loaded diaper directly at the screen
>skedaddle
>>64587396
i guess you meant to reply to
>>64587396
>quiet part of movie starts
>emotional scene
>release an extremely loud fart
>smells like death
>guy 1 row in front starts retching
>sex scene starts
>feel uncomfortable
>start moaning and mime jerking off as a joke
>start doing the woman sounds too "oh yeah, fuck me big boy!"
>people start hushing me and booing
>my grandma punches me in the arm
>it really really hurts
>>64585992
the anvil shit is not a thing. just one autist trying to make his very own ebic may may and a few newfags post it because they think its a thing and want to fit in
>>64587664
>imgur pepe
>unfunny text
kill yourself redditor
>>64587664
>this whole post
cringe
>>64587664
Report submitted! This window will close in 3 seconds...
this is like /s4s/ but without any of the irony
>>64587775
lot of anvil shitposts over at /s4s/ huh
>>64587664
you forgot to add anvils and shower jokes
how do you expect to get up votes without any funny memes?
>>64586513
i do the same but with barbeque sauce instead of mayo
>>64587694
>knowing imgur intimately
reddit autist
>go to movies
>pay for the deluxe package
>given gun but only three bullets
>told to make shots count
>kill self three times
>>64584609
>putting ketchup on a hotdog ever
Burn that theater to the ground. Anyone that does this deserves death.
>>64587586
Off to the showers with all of you
>>64584609
Acceptable hotdog condiments:
Chili
Cheese
Jalapeños
Onions
Mustard
Relish
That's it. If you do anything else, you're a filthy fucking animal.
>>64584609
Acceptable hotdog condiments:
Chili
Cheese
Mustard
Relish
Onions
Jalapeños
That's it. If you use anything else, you're a filthy fucking animal.
>>64588181
>>64588233
>>64588056
nobody cares
can someone explain this anvil thing to me?
>>64588456
Just stupid shit that a few autists are tying to spam like the Pan Nevermind thing.
>>64588511
you sound bitter about memes, are you happy?
>>64588253
>no stuffing
>>64588456
Basically a big dense metal object that's designed to have things struck against it. Primarily used for forging.
>>64588456
hello reddit
>>64587692
>implying every meme isn't like this
>>64588056
>>64588233
>>64588181
how dare you
we are just trying to have fun and you are trying to ruin it by saying its autistic
if you don't like this thread just hide it and leave and let us enjoy our fun okay, stop trying to ruin everything.
>>64588572
I'm unhappy about the current memes because they're all shit. People ironically forcing awful memes ruined this board.
>>64588729
The memes were great in summer but they got even better in winter. I'm looking forward to summer 2016 memes allready. They just keep getting better.
>>64588757
Thanks for being cancer. Driveposting was the last good meme on /tv/.
>>64588729
>memes were better in my day
maybe you're too old for this board grandpa
>>64588804
>Thanks for being cancer.
haha good one bro, I'm glad you're the arbiter of humor for this board
>>64587365
>Pissing off karma
Idiot hope it's worth it.
>>64588580
Only stuffing the wiener up your ass
>>64588804
I like the current memes. Memes get stale unless they're switched up.
>>64588923
If you honestly find garbage tier shit like it ain't me starts playing funny, you're a faggot.
>mfw befriended the designated theater shooter at my local kino
life is good lads
>just gonna take a piss real quick :^)
>>64584609
Look everyone he posted it once again! Isn't he just the funniest guy around?? Oh my god.
I can almost see your pathetic overweight frame glowing in the dark lit by your computer screen which is the only source of light in your room giggling like a little girl as you once again type your little 'anvil' thread up and fill in the captcha. Or maybe you don’t even fill in the captcha, maybe you’re such a disgusting NEET that you actually paid for a 4chan pass so you just choose the picture. Oh we all know the picture, the uh epic green frog isn’t it? I imagine you, little shit, laughing so hard as you click it that you drop your Doritos onto the floor. But its ok, your mother will clean it up in the morning. Oh that’s right, did I fail to mention? You live with your mother! You’re a fat fucking fuck up and she’s probably so sick of you already. So sick of having to do everything for you all god damn day, every day, for a grown man who spends all his time on 4chan posting about a dumb cinema shower meme. Just imagine this, she had you and then she thought you were going to be a scientist or an astronaut or something grand and then you became a NEET. A pathetic falcon posting NEET. She probably cries herself to sleep everyday thinking about how bad it is and how she wishes she could just disappear. She can’t even talk try to you because all you say is "I ALREADY HAVE ENOUGH ANVILS".
dumb frogposter
>>64588995
>autist dictating to people what is and isn't funny
>hasn't liked jokes here since fucking 2011 but still remains
>go to the flickema
>buy a bag of tokens from the credit counter
>line up at the ticket counter
>ask for a ticket for the next session
>it costs just 10 more tokens than what I bought
>angrily walk back to the credit counter and line up again
>ask for 10 more tokens
>told I need to buy at least 50
>explain how I already bought 50 and its ridiculous that the minimum is less than a ticket value
>he just shrugs and says couples usually buy 120
>feel wave of embarrassment as I take my 2nd 50 tokens in hand and line up at the ticket counter again
>movie is about to start
>ticketeer asks for my loyalty card
>say I forgot it
>he reminds me that after 10 stamps I get free tokens
>rummage through my wallet, can't find it
>ask if he could sign me up for a new card
>he tells me that customers can only have one account according to the ToS
>decide to go in without getting my card stamped
>he explains that now that I've told him I have an account he can't let me in without stamping my card
>other customers are impatiently shaking their bags of tokens behind me
>leave the flickema having not seen the flick
>it's another month until I find my loyalty card
>>64589011
>you can tell he's using a squeeze bottle
Why would you even fake this
>>64589034
>being this mad
>>64588601
Zozzle
>>64589098
it's a copy pasta you dip
>>64586691
who's ming
>>64584609
>ketchup dispenser
>in the cinema
>not even in the entrance
>in the screen room
What the actual fuck America? It's like every day I learn something weird about that country...
>>64587049
>>One man lets go of his hammer mid-air and it kills his wifes son with a blow to the head
im in tears
>>64589098
>being this new
>>64588180
>No coleslaw
And you call people pleb? Please commit suicide.
