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>Get me Matt Damon! >Sorry, sir, Matt Damon is busy on
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You are currently reading a thread in /tv/ - Television & Film

Thread replies: 255
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>Get me Matt Damon!
>Sorry, sir, Matt Damon is busy on other projects
>Then get me his slightly tubby ginger equivilant!
>Right away, sir

ITT: Bootleg stars.
>>
>implying you didnt love him in fargo season 2
>>
>>64569166
>Get me bootleg Shia Lebeouf
>say no more, famm
>>
he'll always be lance to me from friday night lights
>>
>>64569166
The irony is that this guy is actually a better actor than Damon
>>
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>Get me the midget from Game Of Thrones!
>Peter Dinklage is busy sir.
>What about the other one?
>I'll make the call sir.
>>
>>64569326
I don't get it
>>
Ron Livingston and Kyle Chandler, although I'm not sure who's the bootleg of who
>>
>>64569529
He's saying Paul Dano looks like Shia Lebeouf. Little does he know that Paul Dano is the better actor by far.
>>
>>64569529
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XwDbqhl_p3g

0:39
>>
>>64569166
Jesus christ he got fat as fuck. Is it for a role bros?
>>
>>64569713
>Little does he know that Paul Dano is the better actor by far.
>implying
>>
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Can't afford Tom Hanks? Call Ben Weber of GasX commercial fame.

>I see you're flatulent in 3 languages
>Your son Rip is on line toot
>>
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>Get me Benicio Del Toro!
>Sorry, sir. He is unavailable.
>Then get me his American, union, overpriced equivalent!
>>
>>64569451
kek'd
>>
>>64570023
kek'd WAY too hard at that ... thank you anon
>>
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>get me Matt Damon
>he's unvailable, sir
>then get me ugly Matt Damon
>>
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Get me Jeniffer Lawrence blah blah blah
>>
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>Sir we need to diversify all of Schwarzenegger's movies to apply to the over represented minority group here in America
>Say no more you racist piece of shit.
>>
>>64569451
REKT
>>
>>64569601
Kyle Chandler is the bigger star and the better actor, so there's your answer
>>
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What do MEAN Mark Ruffalo bent wrapped his spine around a steering wheel? We start filming Avengers 3 in TWO WEEKS!!

Well sir, Vincent D'Onofrio has an open schedule...
>>
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>Get me Ethan Hawke!
>Sir, he is unavailable
>Well shit, who do we get now?
>Hold on, I know just the man
>>
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>Get me the actor from grease
>Sorry,sir. Travolta is in jail for raping again
>Then get me his '''''''female''''''' equivalent
>>
>>64569166
I love Friday Night Lights
>>
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>get me my mommy
>she's jerking her son off at the moment

>>64570345
kekekek
>>
>>64569190
>implying I even saw season 1
>>
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>We hired Quentin Tarantino but I wish we hadn't and now I don't know how to get rid of him
>I know just who to call
>>
>>64570552
Vincent is such a babe. but i wouldnt turn down the ruffalo either
>>
>>64570819
what the fuck is that!!
>>
>>64570806
>implying you need to see the first season to understand the second
>>
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> get me an erection
> sir, you're already cumming
>>
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>>64569166
>Get me Danny Mcbride!
>>
>>64571206
kek
>>
>I want that Hemsworth guy.
>Unfortunately he's busy. But there is another..
>>
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>Get me a 64 oz cup of dirt!
>Sorry, sir, a 64 oz cup of dirt is busy on other projects
>Then get me the next best thing
>Right away, sir
>>
>>64571206

I hold the opinion that Jennifer Love Hewitt is literally perfect.
>>
>>64571463
what the fuck are either of them wearing

i guess they could wear anything and it'd be fine but seriously who allowed them to walk out the door dressed like that
>>
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>>64571466
good one
>>
>>64570793
Holy shit she's a literal 10/10
>>
>>64569601
Chandler is better by far

His performance in Bloodline is one of the best of the decade thus far on TV and in general
>>
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>Get me that badass bald guy
>say no more
>>
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>Get me this The Beatles song!
>Sorry they're too expensive, we have these shitty braindead fat american hacks
>That'll do!
>>
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>>64571923
>NO, I mean the other badass bald dude.
>>
>>64571526
Well when you're right, you're right.
>>
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>>64571992
>NO! The other one.
>>
>>64569451
>manlet meme

By far the most annoying meme on this site. Go fuck yourself.
>>
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Get Me that guy from Highlander
>Sorry Sir, he's a washed up piece of shit
What about that guy from Thank You For Smoking.
>Sorry Sir, he was the worst part about TDK.
We'll will have to settle for some one who ruins everything he's in.
>I have just the man for you.
>>
>>64570819
What are thooooooooose???
>>
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>We need someone to play Lex Luther
>I was thinking the bald guy from Breaking Bad would be great
>I this his name was Eisenberg

>On It Boss.
>>
>>64572108
Hello 5'7
>>
>>64572108
Someone is upset about their short stature :^)
>>
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>I need a rat faced European girl to emote poorly
>Like... Any rat faced European girl?
>Yeah, like literally pick up any coked up Serbian girl off the streets, We'll tell people she's pretty and a good actress and they'll believe it
>Uh, how about the billionaire daughter of a family that founded two NFL franchises?
>The fuck? That's not what I asked for
>Yeah, but she's rat faced and I heard she's impure and will do things to your penis for a Hollywood role
>Okay, I guess...
>>
>>64572158
Smaller, but that's fine because it's easier to bench four plate. Have fun barely benching the bar, long arms.
>>
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>>64572156

kekked hard m8
>>
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>>64572108
6'1>>>>>>>POWERGAP>>>>>>6'0
>>
>>64572217
>this much detail
Must be personal
Were you supposed to be the rat face star, anon?
>>
>>64572185
>All this projection.
>>
>>64572251
>blueberry cream soda
i actually want to try dis tbbqh
>>
>>64572217
>I heard she's impure and will do things to your penis for a Hollywood role

go on....
>>
>>64572244
>I'm really short but I lift a lot, jokes on you
Silly manlet, I don't need a stepping stool in my kitchen
>>
>>64572270
Yes
>>
>>64572108
t. manlet
>>
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Okay people, five minutes until roll... where the fuck is Kiefer?

It's cool boss I found someone.
>>
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>get me that guy from the 80s movies
>which one
>the alive one
>>
>>64572322
shes a fucking whore

has naked scenes in almost every film
>>
>>64572130
Why do Christopher Lambééér and the guy on the right look so similar, but when you analyze their faces they really don't?
It is very bizarre.
>>
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>Get me a clown driving a monster truck!
>Sorry, sir, a clown driving a monster truck is busy on other projects
>Then get me the next best thing
>Right away, sir
>>
>>64571206
she fucking aged like high test wine, holy shit. that photo alone is fappable
>>
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>Get me Natalie Portman
>She's unavailable
>Then get me her flat-chested British equivalent
>She's on a plane now, sir
>>
>>64569326
Classic
>>
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>get me-
>I'll go get him, he's outside jacking off in the phone booth
>>
>>64572130
He is Highlander. He has to tweak his appearance through plastic surgery so know one can tell he's the same immortal person.
>>
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>>64571979
>the Beach Boys
>shitty

Pick one, dicklord.
Mike Love is a megacunt though
>>
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>i need a hot redhead to play an aunt
>jessica chastain said she only does mommies
>>
>>64570175
>>64570175
t. Benicio Monserrate Rafael Del Toro Sánchez
>>
>>64571979
Irony, I like it
>>
>>64571979
the bitch boys are great american music
>>
>>64571979
>Beatles
>good

>Beach Boys
>good


epic meme desu fambruhghini
>>
>>64572156
up....voted!!!
>>
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>>64572600
>Portman & Knightley got old?
>Get me FlatBrit 2.0 + Tooth Expansion Pack
>>
>>64573316
someone post the one that shows shes a slut
>>
>>64573082
the bitch boys will get you a great ass whoopin
>>
>>64572156
most underrated post of the day
>>
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>Get me Michael Cera!
>>
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>>64573316
>Portman & Knightley got old?
>Get me that robo-bitch
>I'm on it boss

FTFY
>>
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if John Cleese or Monty Python ever get a bio movie, they should cast Garret Dillahunt as Cleese.
>>
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>Get me Jesse Eisenberg!
>>
>>64569848
Fargo season 2
>>
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>>64573361
Close enough.
>>
>>64573480
Dillahunt is funny as shit too, it could work
>>
>>64570388
underrated post
>>
>>64573480
too manlet for Cleese
>>
>>64573504
George Michael is GOAT
>>
>>64573554
Mom?
>>
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>>64573469
>>64573504
LOOOOOOOOOOOL
>>
>>64569166
I love this guy.

I thought he was in his 30s, though. I'm shocked to find out he's two years younger than me.

He was just brilliant in Fargo S2.
>>
>>64572900
t. Alberto Barbosa
>>
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>Get me!
>>
>>64573629
Sorry, no room for Robert Down Syndrome Jr. in this flick
>>
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>>64572156
top kekaroni and cheese
>>
>>64569166
Best thread of 2016, I have laughed so much. These are your best posts:

>>64569326
>>64569451
>>64570023
(He looks more like John C. Reilly)
>>64570793
>>64571206
>>64571979
>>64572156
(I can't believe I never heard a joke like this before)
>>64572217
>>64572459
>>64572600
>>64572693
>>64573316
>>64573480
Really awesome choice anon. Cleese deserves a biopic too.
>>
>>64573789
I'm glad you liked it anon. I'm sorry to say that I didn't contribute much, as none of the posts you quoted are mine, but I'm just happy to see that you're having a good time. Happy New Years!
>>
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>get me a calender
>>
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>>64573857
>>
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>>64573897
>>
>I need a man with a hillbilly accent for a secondary role that will no doubt steal the show
>I know just the man sir
>>
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>>64573521
>>
>>64573966
>and give him fake tits too
>>
>>64573966
>dat feel when Walton Goggins doesn't die in a show

I remember when Predators came out and inspite of all the shit we piled onto that movie everyone loved his character
>>
>>64573521
>i need to make a new alien for prometheus 2 but hr giger's dead
>i got you, scott
>>
>>64573789
>>64573789
HELLO r/4chan
>>
>>64572676
He might be a cunt, but I like his singing
>>
>>64573966
Boyd Crowder was such a good character. Walton Played him so well.
>>
>>64569601
>Kyle Chandler
Ron was in Band of Brothers and Office Space. Fuck off.
>>
>>64573789
thanks for the roundup, faggot
>>
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>get me Hayden Christensen
> I loved Life's A House
>sir he's been tanking it and just fucking his wife
>plus we already went through this before
>God damn it alright just get me the uglier one who can actually act
>>
>>64569451
savage af
>>
Do any of y'all realize that he actually played young John Grady Cole in All The Pretty Horses? The character Matt Damon played in the rest of the movie?
>>
>>64572108
D E T E C T E D
E
T
E
C
T
E
D
>>
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>>64574343
>spends his free time fucking Rachel Bilson
I'm jealous.
>>
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>>64573521

I thought I recognized that bitch.

Pic related.
>>
>>64573316
>+ The Extra Cuteness DLC
>>
>>64570552
Vincent D'onofrio is actually as good an actor as Ruffalo, though.
>>
>>64571466
What the serious shit are you talking about?
>>
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>Get me Brendan Fraser
>Y-you sure about that, sir?
>Why are you asking?
>His shit is pretty fucked up, family
>>
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>get me bella thorne!
>she's busy sir
>ok, get me her hotter, more talented sister
>>
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>We're rebooting The Great Mouse Detective and need someone to play Olivia
>And all the girls who have auditioned so far don't look the part
>Sir, you did say reboot. We can give Ratigan a female companion instead and change the story as necessary
>In fact, I know someone who can play that role
>>
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>We need to get that nerd cash. Get me that guy from Doctor Who.
>Excellent idea, sir! Which one, though? David Tennant's extremely popular with all demographics. Peter Capaldi's got immense range, but he's getting up there in years. Ooh, I hear Christopher Eccleston's doing literally nothing with his life anymore, maybe him?
>All we have left in the budget is 6 grams of coke and a big gulp.
>I know just the man.
>>
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>>64574838
>why not her mom?
>>
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>where is louis ck?
>i think tyrone still won't let him leave his cuck shed
>ok get me another balding redhead cuck of a comedian
>>
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>get me Tom Hardy
>no problem boss
>>
>>64575002
Brutal
>>
>>64575002
But louie is alpha as fuck, he literally joked about how great sex with kids must be on SNL
>>
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>Get me a literal hobgoblin
>Say no more fa͏m
>>
>>64574950
wew
>>
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>>
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>I want to make am movie with Russell Crowe and Tom Hardy, but I can afford their salary. Are there any American knock-offs I can cast?
>>
>>64575121
>can't afford Ryan Reynolds

(forgot the text)
>>
>>64570388
OOGA BOOGA BIX NOOD MUTHAFUGGAH GIMMIE SOMMA DAT FRIED CHIKIN WHITE BOI SO YOU SAYIN WE SUM FINNA TERMINATORS N SHEEEEEEEIIIIIIIITTTTTTT.
You just read this in Arnie's voice.
>>
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>>64574711
>implying hollywood executives have any empathy for fallen stars

Brendan's IMBD page is looking pretty empty for 2016 projects. Even with the internet memeing him out, his shit getting more fucked up by the minute.
>>
>>64575027
How does this even happen
He is THE BIG GUY
>>
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>Get me Amy Adams.
>She's busy.
>Then get me Mrs. Borat!
>>
>>64575199
meanwhile
eric roberts has 36 roles in 2016
>>
>>64570588
hes a legend
>>
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>where is seth rogan?
>he couldn't make it, him and james franco are making Up in Toke 2: Blaze of Glory
>alright, get me another fat curly haired jew
>>
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>>64574929
I find it hard to believe they didn't have a few pies on hand to bribe Colin Baker.
>>
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>Get me Chris Hemsworth!
>He's shooting Thor: Ragnarok sir.
>Then get me Thor on meth.
>>
>>64573521
That's a fake ass smile. Look at that milisecond of 'what face do I pull' JUST before she smiles, her lips and face quiver and jerk.
>>
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>can't afford Bale. Who else will fuck up their body for a role?
>I gotchu
>>
>get me javier bardem
>okay
>>
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>Get me Melissa McCarthy!
>She's doing another Paul Feig movie sir.
>Rebel WIlson?
>Pitch Perfect 3
>Fine. Just get me the next best thing.
>>
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>Get me Matthew Broderick
>Can't, he's been skating on Ferris Bueller and Godzilla for the past millennia
>No problem Ill take his unburdened by vehicular murder clone
>>
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>this is another black comedian cross-dresses and ruins his career film, who is the hottest black comedian right now?
>>
>>64575399
Cryer > Bueller
>>
>>64569166
>who dis
>wiki
>todd from BB
Better actor than Damon desu.
>>
>>64575399
You do know that Broderick made more money doing The Producers on Broadway than pretty much everything else he's done combined right?
>>
>>64575409
>We want the midget from the Death at a Funeral remake
>Peter Dinklage is bus-
>No the black one
>Ok then
>>
>>64571206
how is she in 2 places at once? why is nobody talking about this?
>>
>>64571206
even clothed shes fappable HNNNG
>>
>>64575322
MOMS GONNA FREAK
>>
>>64575409
That motherfucker owes so much to Chris Tucker
>>
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>The studio demanded we include a rapper in this movie
>Uh, Ice Cube is currently booked in various movies and Ice-T is still doing his Law & Order show
>What about T.I?
>He declined to focus on his new album
>Ludacris?
>Fast & Furious series
>Then who's left?
>I know a rapper plus he won an Oscar too
>Who could that be?
>>
>>64575642
eminem?
>>
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>I want Sylvester Stallone!
>Ill be frank with you
>say no more
>>
>>64575052
>fucking kids
>alpha

Hi edgelord oxygen thief, which school you shooting up today?
>>
>>64575678
kak
>>
>>64575339
Oohhh sexy!
>>
>>64575721
I think you misunderstood, he's not literally engaging in intercourse with adolescents. He made jokes about how good pedophilia would have to be for pedophiles to risk everything just to experience it.
>>
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>Get me the CIA guy from Dark Knight Rises
>Aidan Gillen's filming Game of Thrones sir.
>Then just get a random Irish actor.
>Sure thing sir.
>>
>>64575798
I am aware of that you cuck, re-read.
>>
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>I want Kurt Russell but I also want this film to appeal to beta men and redditors.
>I got you bruh
>>
>>64575847
Re-read what? Judging by your comment you must be under the assumption that I like pedophilia or something and that's not the case.
>>
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> Mr. Cameron, we can't shoot this scene, Arnold keeps jumping out of his chair, trying to fuck the female lead
> call Jamie
> i can't even imagine...
>>
>>64573629
a cheesesteak!
>>
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>Harrison Ford just died in a tragic plane crash!
>Oh fuck, who are we going to get to play his ghost In Star Wars VIII?
>Well...
>>
>>64575983
kek
>>
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>Get me Robert Downey Jr.
>He's doing another Marvel movie.
>Fine. Get me someone who's not busy and has a similar look.
>>
>>64575260

>get me a talented, hilarious actor

FTFY
>>
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>>64575913
triggered
>>
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>Damn it man, I'm making a quirky indie movie about an elf that's dying of a terminal liver disease, but our budget was slashed and I have no money whatsoever for any make-up effects at all
>You won't believe this sir, but I have a solution
>>
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>>64569166

>We need Jeffrey Dean Morgan
>Done.
>>
>>64576076
he looks like mark hamill
>>
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>how are we doing with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles casting?
>almost there, sir
>who do we have playing Splinter?
>no one as of yet, sir
>just get me whoever you think would be appropriate
>on it, chief
>>
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>>64569166

>We need Depp.
>On it.
>>
>>64575260
More like:
get me Henry Cavil and Jonah Hill for our next project.
Sir we only have budget for one actor
I know a guy
>>
>>64576076
lmao
>>
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> get me that 80s mullet guy from that buddy cop movie
> Gibson's blacklisted, sir, we'll never get this financed
> get me his non-union kike friendly equivalent then
>>
>>64575953
Lol you are so fucking dumb its unreal.
>>
>>64576151
how fucking dare you.
>>
>>64576158
>non-union

You need to have an IQ of 18 to use this site
>>
>>64576207
How dare I make a better more creative joke than you?
>>
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>>64572130
>he's a washed up piece of shit
Hey...HEY! You you just watch yerself Mister...
>>
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>>64576024

>He's busy?
>I can still do this sir.
>>
>>64575339
Nice.
>>
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>>64576305
>How dare I make a better more creative joke than you?
>>
>>64576076
He kinda looks like Mike Matei
>>
>>64576139
What kind of fucking name is 'Skeet'? Who sits there after just giving birth to a beautiful baby boy and says "You know what we should call this kid? Yeah that's right, Skeet."? Also, has this guy been in anything other than Scream and The Creaft? I've literally never seen him in a single other movie.
>>
>>64576085

Nice.
>>
>>64576305
I thought jokes were supposed to be funny?
>>
>>64576425

No one.

His real name is Bryan Ray Trout.
>>
>>64576460
>Trout as your surname

JUST.
>>
>>64576425
He's also in As Good As It Gets. Personally I don't mind the name Skeet, as a nickname at least. But then again I'm not from America but I can understand how hillbilly it sounds.
>>
>>64576601
what was that boy?
>>
>>64576414
Well it was in all regards a much better post. So it deserves more respect from all you other users.
>>
>>64576631
Skeet is another term for jizz.

Ah skeet skeet motha fuckas!
>>
>>64576697
>>
>Get me Jennifer Aniston!
>Sorry sir, she's busy and we can't afford her...
>Then get me her slightly younger, less attractive doppelganger!
>Already got her on speed dial.
>>
>Get me RDJ!
>he's already another character, sir
>HOW ELSE ARE WE GONNA GET TUMBLR MONEY?
>say no more pham
>>
>>64576900
she could be a who from whoville
>>
>>64576763
Ok now that was funny kek
>>
>>64576763
Yeah please resort to pedestrian levels of insults as your brain power is surely exceeded to come up with anything more clever.
>>
>>64575565
>he faps to naked people
>>
>>64576174
You're the stupid one tbqhwy senpai (im not the one u quoted)
>>
>>64576918

No.

Doc Strange may look like Iron Man...but BC doesn't look like RDJ.
>>
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>Get me julia roberts
>cant afford her
>well get me an actress people will mistake for her from afar so they will think they are going to see a roberts movie
>>
>>64576963
>>
>>64577002
Shut it kawaii desu
>>
>>64576996
How pedestrian.
>>
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>Walken walked out, we're running out of money and we need a replacement that will work for breadcrumbs, literally
>Don't worry sir I got this
>>
>>64576076
He looks like Nick Robinson
>>
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>We need an older attractive woman, must be fine with sexual content and really just be eye candy
>>
>>64576254
it is a fucking simpsons reference, from the original itertation of the joke this entire fucking thread is based off of.
>>
>>64571594
fucking /fa/ggot fuccboi, please leave
>>
>>64569326
Nah, James Franco is the poor mans Shia.
>>
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>>64572018
>I said badass
>>
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>>64577799
>she's busy at the moment?
>something to do with spitroasting the Italian pm and his advisors?
>well that's just great
>wait sir, I think I know of someone
>she's a little older but she's a French dime
>pop open the skotch son, you've earned it
>>
>>64571463
wow, aussies really have no sense of fashion. Liams beard looks ugly and weird as shit, only reason he has it is prolly to have a trademark that makes him distinguishable from his bruh
>>
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>>64570552
>We need Mark Ruffalo,
but we also want to represent a minority, and we also want to make the straight male demographic feel insecure about their sexuality.
>don't say another word, not even thank you, I got the perfect man for the role senpai
>>
>>64578177
Really? Straight men find that attractive?!
>>
>>64577939

>great but he doesn't meet our diversity quota and we don't have much money
>say no more senpai
>>
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>We need Megan Fox to be sexy in a movie
>She's busy reading astrology columns
>then find me a Megan Fox who doesn't want to be viewed as a sex symbol
>i got ya
>>
>>64578215
Is she still working?
>>
>>64578215
hotter and cuter than megan tbqh
>>
>>64578208
Would totally netflix and chill with him, maybe even "and chill"
>>
>>64569166
are you supposed to read these in j jonah jameson's voice?
>>
>>64578261
last i saw her she was on that show on starz. i can't recall the name. it's a one word title show i think banshee or something.

>>64578276
eh they both average at best
>>
>>64573966
i love how even that hair he has is hairplugs
>>
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>get me samuel l jackson on the double
>he's willing to do it
>>
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>>64573521
>>
>>64578552
this could also work for nick cage
>>
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>>64573469
>get me Jesse Eisenburg!
>>
>>64573521
>>64578668
SMOKIN'
M
O
K
I
N
'
>>
>>64578757
>jesse eisenburg gets cast as moot in the biopic
>it's just 2 hours of him responding to anons calling him a faggot
>>
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>>64577799
>>
>>64571979
>beatles
>not hacks
Wew lad
>>
>>64578206
not the greatest pic but most people have only seen him in ex machina and star wars, where he was 80000% alpha and charming
>>
>>64578206
>2015 and 372 days
>Oscar Isaac not being you gay crush
What're you, gay or something?
>>
>>64578872
He was great in Inside Llewyn Davis too.
>>
>>64578757
Who's that?
>>
>>64569326
But he's better than Shia
>>
>>64569451
Oh look, like we haven't seen this one already, kill yourself unoriginal faggot
>>
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>>64569166

>same thread every night
>>
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>>64569166
Don't talk shit about Landry.
>>
>>64578741
And Christopher Lloyd.
>>
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>Get me Ava Addams
>But sir she's overrated and frankly asks for too much money
>Then get me her non-union, latina MILF equivalent
>she's out in the lobby, sir
Thread replies: 255
Thread images: 133

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