What the fuck is going to happen to this man's career on Friday?
It's not ending because he's just gonna keep stating the current year.
Keep denying that it's 2016 and that anyone who says that is is a racist trans-misogynist bigot Islamaphobe Conservative
Sometimes you just gotta keep doing the bit even when it hasn't made sense for years.
>>64293013
I 100% guarantee he will say I mean it is 2016 on his first episode and it would be to a gigantic applause. singles confirm
>>64293013
Who cares?
>>64293089
>John wakes up on January 1st
>He's nursing a hangover so he gets out of bed to go get a glass of water
>Takes a sip
>Finds his phone in the kitchen, and looks at the date
>January 1st 2015
>It's 2015
>Production on the 2nd season of his hit HBO show starts
>GUYS NOT ALL MUSLIMS ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE CHARLIE HEBDO KILLINGS, AND WHILE MURDER IS WRONG IT'S ALSO WRONG TO DEPICT THE PROPHET MUHAMMED (P.B.U.H.). IT'S TWENTY FIFTEEN
>TWENTY FIFTEEN
>TWO THOUSAND AND FIFTEEN
>Backstage John puts his face into his hands
>He keeps trying to tell the audience the truth but they just keep jeering and cheering
>this is the 337th cycle
>It's always 2015, no matter the passage of time nor his own death
>2015 is forever
>>64293328
>Conan
>not the John Oliver of the 90s
>>64293013
he will grow more powerful than you could ever imagine
>>64293013
CONTROL MUST BE MAINTAINED
IT MUST ALWAYS BE
2015
> show starts, but it's clear John's heart isn't into it
> poorer delivery than usual, his eyes keep slipping from the teleprompter to the wall clock
> commercial break
> he walks up to a producer
> "I-I told you, a News Years Eve special w-was a bad idea."
> producer laughs and pushes him back onstage
> show starts, John begins the new year's countdown
> 3
> 2
> 1
> huge explosion on set sends debris flying
> audience thinks its part of the program and keep laughing
> a white male redneck walks into stage wearing a confederate flag T-shirt
> audience is confused, some start to boo and jeer
> redneck loudly proclaims that Islam is a toxic ideology and should be kept out of America
> audience catches on, looks at John expectantly
> John tries to speak but only a squeak comes out
> producer urges him on
> "come on John, do your line. Tell him to COME ON!" tell him it's TWENTY - FIFTEEN!"
> "C-Come ... On... I-It's... It... I..."
> producer starting to get nervous
> "go on, tell him" she says, trying to keep a smile
> "..."
> "why aren't you telling him?" Smile is gone
> "tell him. TELL HIM!" Tears in her eyes
> John's head is spinning
> it's done. The era of tolerance and understanding is over. Only darkness lies ahead.
> "come...on" he whispers as he raises the pistol to his mouth
>Dec 31 2015, 11:59PM
>John Oliver chambers the round and stares down the barrel, his usual toothy grin replaced by a blank mask of despair
>"They had their chance. I told them over and over. Why didn't they listen? I mean, come on!" he asks the gun.
>The clock strikes midnight
>John squints through his glasses and over his nose at the crowd cheering below
>No -- he can't look. He knows what's coming >He curls into a ball and plugs his ears, but it's not enough
>An eerie silence sweeps through the crowd, as the Four Klansman appear on the horizon
>The leader removes his hood with a flourish, revealing society's worst fear:
>a straight, white, cis, able-bodied, neurotypical male --
>Ben "The Walking Holocaust" Garrison
>Amid the growing murmurs of the crowd, Zyklon Ben takes a deep breath, cups his hands around his mouth, and bellows a single word:
>"NIGGERS"
>The slur hangs in the air, ringing in the ears of the shocked masses
>A lone female voice cries out: "Hey! You can't say that sort of thing! Don't you know it's 2015?"
>A smirk creeps across Ben's face. "Not anymore," he intones
>"Not anymore," whispers John Oliver, as he places the barrel in his mouth
>>64293013
He's going to dissolve into a bubbling pool of goo, much like Stripe at the end of Gremlins.
>>64293013
John Oliver on suicide watch confirmed?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLlv8MYm1K0
