>Get me Brad Pitt!
>He's unavailable, sir.
>Then get me his non-union mexican equivalent!
Having brad really wouldn't have made sense.
>this guy SOLVES Brad Pitt
>makes all his videos private
Damn.
>>64156624
>get me Brad Pitt!
>but sir character is latino
>uh well ok.
>>64156624
SeƱor Brad Pitto
>>64156624
I don't understand this meme. Do all of you niggers have face blindness? He looks nothing like Brad Pitt.
Better than Brad imo.
>>64156834
Dude he's Brad Pitt with a piss filter, just accept it already
>>64156624
Brad Pitt gave up around ten years ago, Del Toro has only gotten stronger.
>I want Robert Downey Jr, but we just ran out of budget and can't afford an apple box.
>I have just the man for the job, sir.
right now I would consider old mexicano to be a bigger plus on a cover of a film
>>64157015
Brad Pitt's still doing interesting work though?
>>64157047
I bet your wife's grandson would agree with you
>>64156624
Benicio needs to be in more things.
>>64156735
What?
>>64157039
>We need Javier Bardem to return for another Cohen Bros. film
>Um sir, he's doing countless movies overseas but we have his U.S counterpart
>We're making a new Jurassic Park movie, and there's a scene in it where a raptor is stalking our hero, but we only see the raptor's feet as it moves. Problem is, we ran out of money and can't afford a raptor feet prop.
>It's your lucky day, sir.
>>64157039
>we want a Badass Dad
>we need an attractive British woman to play the new Star Wars protagonist
>there are no attractive British women
>fuck it, tell Russel Brand to shave!
>Alright, tell me about this starring role.
>He's black and he's a cop.
>Done, next role.
>>64156624
hes a beaner guy
>>64158757
for Su.
>I wanted Ezra Miller but the last time we worked together he spent half the budget on opium and adult coloring books, now the studio won't let me hire him again
>I got this
>Get me Larry David!
>Hes unavailable, sir
>Then get me his non-union mexican equivalent!
>>64156624
Isn't budget brad pitt Rob Lowe?
>>64157039
Except JDM isn't a manlet
>>64158757
Para ti.
>>64158897
>We need a back up role for the threesome scene!
>Listen, we want to adapt The Hunchback of Norte Dame but we already blew most of the budget on the sets so we need to save $$$ on costumes and makeup
>dissing based Del Toro
>implying Brad Pitt is better
Who has the Oscar, fĆ m?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a0iyy2jdH8s
>>64158781
https://youtube.com/watch?v=QPfoiamzHxs
>We tried getting Dane Dehaan but he has problems with saying the word nigger that much
>I know just the guy
>Can we get Thor?
>No
>>64159066
>I want Kristen Stewart for my movie but she's out of my budget
>Say no more senpai
>We need someone bald and intimidating to play Lex Luthor
>I know just the guy, he was in breaking bad, you know, Heisenberg
>Eisenberg? Well if you think so, I'll give him a call
>I want Natalie Portman in a three movie contract
>I'm afraid she's out of our budget sir
>But don't worry, I've got the next best thing
I'm really happy that Benicio back on track and recovered after Wolfman. He is great actor.
>All right, guys let's get the Ant Man sequel going
>Sir, we are outta money for the CGI
>No problem, i got it covered, we'll change the main actor
>>64159277
MMMM!
>>64159277
lel
>We need a girl who can deliver big smiles
>Sir, meet the human Xenomorph
>>64159331
BRUCE WAYNE MEETS CLARK KENT. HAH!
*CLAPS*
I LOVE IT.
>>64159277
kek
>>64158518
He's a mentally sound person who solved a bunch of celebrities.
He's made all the videos on his new channel private, but his old channel is still around:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VBzIjMJMSU8
>>64159066
jej
>>64159421
what do you mean "solved"
>I think Milla Jovovich would be perfect for this role but I don't think we can afford her, also she's still busy making more Resident Evil movies.
>Don't worry sir, I know just the girl.
>Can we get Russell Crowe?
>No
>>64159314
>>64156624
>>64156750
>what is whitewashing
they had emma stone play some asian
>>64156775
Braduru Pittoro is not Japanese you weeaboo fuck
>Can we get Bradely Cooper?
>Eh probably, the marketing jews are saying we need more of a douche though to grab college men
>>64159139
>Not wanting classic Dano in the first place
>>64159314
Easy one, but good
>>64159093
Brad got one indirectly through his production company
>>64159723
>"The marketing jews"
I had no idea people this antisemetic were aloud to have computers
>>64159723
>What happened to Reynolds?
>I smoked some crack before the audition
>>64159590
Watch the link. It's just meaningless shit.
![Empire of Dreams.avi_snapshot_00.23.50_[2015.12.27_19.04.12].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/S7izaUL.jpg "Empire of Dreams.avi_snapshot_00.23.50_[2015.12.27_19.04.12].jpg")
>get me that new guy
>will be done senpai
>>64159658
Who is "they"
You are talking about a completely different film
>>64159798
I bet you get laid a lot
>>64159596
Is that Brian Molko?
>>64159798
>aloud
ain't fallin' for it m80
>Listen, we're making an action film and we need Kate Beckinsale as the lead
>Uh sir she's unavailable due to schedule conflicts
>WE NEED HER
>Here's her British counterpart
>We need Matt Damon, but he's filming in new Bourne. Any suggestions?
>Sir, i just know one russian "comic"...
But Brad Pitt would make no sense in that role. Del Toro was perfect for it
>>64159421
what the fuck
>>64159284
Keira is better anyway.
>We were thinking of making a movie about an albino. However, Matt Damon is out of our budget
>I know just the guy and plus he'll save us $$ on makeup too
>>64156834
>>64158726
Ur so funny bro lol!
>>64160216
oh dear
I think someone can't handle the bantz(tm)
>>64156735
Is that Tom Cruise?
>>64158726
I kinda see it.
Most of these aren't funny and you can tell they're front the same guy
>>64159277
>MMMMMMMMM
>BOYYYSSSSSS
So do directors in Hollywood just spout names and let the plebs do all the negotiating and paperwork?
>>64158726
Wow they look nothing alike FUCK OFF
this thread is really accurate well done anons
>>64160185
>and hes 1000% times better than Meme Damon
>>64160635
>disagrees
>posts a pic that counters his argument
bravo autistico
>''We're making this low-budget schlock movie to launder the mob's money. The script is so fucking bad Gary Busey wouldn't touch it with a ten-foot pole, and that guy's brain is broken!''
>''Forget all your troubles, sir, I have the perfect man for the job.''
>We came across an old screenplay we want to adapt, only problem is it was written with Chris Farley in mind for the lead
>Say no more senpai
>Listen we need a black actor for this role. He's black and always mad. Plus he needs to tote a gat too since he's with the shits
>I know the right person fļøļøaļøm
>>64159284
She is way better anyway.
>>64161115
based Cube
>we need Actor Man to play Character
>got you covered, sir.
>>64161158
if she had a decent set of tits and a plushy ass, she would be a fucking goddess.
>>64160158
>>64161158
Are you telling me that you'd pick Keira notits over Portman?
Absolutely disgusting.
>>64159284
this makes no sense at all
>>64161203
>>64161245
I am surrounded by plebs.
>>64159955
Š»oŠ» cyŠŗa
>>64161262
I was saying she's hot as fuck but if she had bigger tits and ass she would be 500/10 as opposed to 10/10
try reading first you fucking fat idiot
>>64159936
But Kate Beckinsale is already British.
>>64161246
Keira and Portman look very similar.
Keira is in the Pirates of the Caribbean movies.
The joke is Portman was originally chosen, but for some reason she is too expensive to hire so they pick a look alike that is cheaper.
What doesn't make sense?
>>64161010
>we're making Maniac Cop 4, but Robert Z'dar is dead.
>this is you lucky day, sir.
>get me Marion Cotillard, but without that ridiculous frog acent
>got you, senpai
>>64161245
Who needs tits when you got sexy dark navel hair
>>64161324
I dun goofed then
>>64161324
Fucking kek
>>64161245
Porman just peaked too early.
>>64161345
>Marion Cotillard
She's unattractive to be honest.
>>64161355
mmm treasure trail
>>64161355
mai lankfu
>>64157015
this
>>64156624
>Implying Pitt could pull off such a character
Tel Toro was born for this role
>>64161115
You mean
>Play dad in kids movies
>Look, we need Idris Elba for the role of a hard-boiled detective with a menacing demeanor
>Uh sir, he's busy filming for his series Luther but here's someone who can appeal to the black demographic and he's cheap too
>Bring him im
>we need someone who literally murdered 2 people and got away with it
>say no more
>>64161392
Her face is a little melted but that's just how the French look.
I mean look at this guy.
He probably looked done with the world at age 5.
>>64158626
She looks more like a deflated, discount Anne Hathaway
>>64161355
when im with a girl that has unwanted hair i always pull them with my fingers and she screams lol
>>64161536
>we'll get the son of a murderer to do the screenplay, for extra authenticity
>>64161582
>not wanting that hair
I can understand you but I don't want to be you.
>Brad and George both said no.
>Alright I'll call him.
>>64159139
classic
>>64161540
Fuck, you nailed it man
>>64161615
if a girl has any hair from the neck down she's instantlly dumped.
that like their only job.
>>64159277
>>64156735
that man is mad
>There's a part in this movie for Sam Worthington, but I'm worried he might be too interesting and charismatic
>It's your lucky day sir
>>64157003
Brad Pitt started looking and acting like Benicio not the other way around
>>64161813
Lol.
Whatever happened to Sam Worthington anyways?
JC keeping him locked up in a vault in order to prepare to be in 3 more Avatar movies?
>>64157039
Javier has an oscar, I don't think he's much cheaper
>>64161922
That's Jeffrey Dean Morgan, anon-sama
>>64161876
He got evicted from his Hollywood apartment for not paying the rent.
> Get me Aaron Ashmore
> I'm sorry sir, this is the best I could do.
>I want Christoph Waltz to play the exact same European character he did in my last movie
>I'm afraid he's working on Spectre, Cuckatino sir, but I've got just the guy
>>64162029
>> Get me Aaron Ashmore
said nobody ever
>>64158726
>>64160635
>nothing alike
>literally the same person
>>64159386
>>64159331
awful
>I want that midget from Game Of Thrones
>Peter Dinklage is unavailable, sir
>What about the other one?
>I'll make the call
>>64160158
Do not downtalk the jewqueen
>>64162424
Kiera is better anyway.
>>64162110
to be fair, Oswaldo was already british in the first leaked draft of the script and he had tim roth in mind from the very beginning.
Waltz was supposed to play Birchir's role originally, since the character was French.
>>64159066
Loled
>we need an actor for a hard boiled, brooding tough guy
>We got just the guy
>>64162311
good post
>>64157039
>tfw told my stepsons mom "this guy is a great actor"
>it wasnt javier
>it was benecio del pitto
jfmsu
>>64159066
everytiem
>>64162560
I don't think you know how this works.
>>64159139
classic
>>64162198
I LOVE IT
>>64162311
>>64159955
holy kek
>>64160986
its that guy
>We need a real alpha male, someone with a tough demenour, yet laidback and relaxed and charismatic. He must have enormous sex-appeal as well
>brb senpai gonna talk to the first average black person I see
>>64156624
>we want the tumblr audience
>say no more, senpai.
>>64162560
Well they got the guy they ACTUALLY needed to make it good.
You are supposed to look for discount people
>>64157039
He is a pretty busy actor. He's just no in anything big budget.
>>64159277
Kek
>>64159139
simply classic
>>64159277
>>I know just the guy, he was in breaking bad, you know, Heisenberg
You know that could have been awesome but he seemed stiff in that Total Recall remake.
>>64161334
they were both in Star Wars and Portman was in all 3
>>64159822
I wonder if we would have gotten Escape From New York had he gotten Star Wars. My feeling is that unlikely.
>we need THAT guy
>what guy
>you know, one of THOSE guys
>say no more, famalam
http://ia.media-imdb.com/images/M/MV5BMTgyOTI3MzcxMF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwNzIwNzQ3OQ@@._V1_SX640_SY720_.jpgI'm posting on a shitty phone.
>>64162759
>>64162560
to be fair, his is also the only one i laughed at
>>64163494
I said Pirates of the Caribbean, not Star Wars.
>>64163521
The King of Those Guys
>>64161536
>>say no more
Ah shit!
>>64163025
>>We need a real alpha male, someone with a tough demenour, yet laidback and relaxed and charismatic. He must have enormous sex-appeal as well
>>64163521
Detective Sloan Mahone and his wife Joan "The Groan" Mahone.
>>64161538
His parents are spanish IIRC
>I need an actor that sold his soul to the Hollywood devil so he can get immortality and draw audiences even if he doesn't have talent
>Let me think..
>Oh I know
>**CALLING KEANU REEVES**
>>64163498
Well it's a damn good thing he didn't get Star Wars, because then we wouldn't have the greatest video game series of all time.
>when you want the young men who are attracted to older women with god-tier footgame audience
>I've just taken a vow of silence!
>Say no more.
>I need somebody that will suck all these dicks no questions asked
>better get OP
>>64157975
no?
>>64164329
>I need someone from Reddit
>get you
>>64157039
>cant afford an apple box
Audibly kek'd
Never change /tv/ never change, just like manlets
>>64158979
Para te actually
>>64156624
>get me Ethan Hawke
>he's booked for the next twelve years...but I think I know just the right man
>>64158626
Best in the thread. Sincerely kek'd. Well played, m8.
>>64158626
look at that jew fucking face
>>64159277
heh
>>64161345
Marion cottilard looks surprisingly unsexy, she is also one of the only persons I know where the mole on her forehead ruins her completely, it's extremely off-putting, Blunt is really cute and also has this pointy crooked nose :3
>We want 15 year old girls who will watch anything with a British actor. Is Tom Hiddleston available?
>Afraid not sir.
>Then get me his non-union Martian equivalent.
>>64164742
I can't tell if this is slightly shooped or not
>we need a hot actress
>who is also a philosopher
>logician
>mathematician
>historian
>socialist
>and pacifist.
who could possibly fit the bill?
>say no more familio
>We need an actor that is instantly recognizable and has a huge filmography
>Sir, someone like that is normally out of our pay range, and this film is going straight to VHS
>I don't care how you do it, make it work, tell him we can put his name on the cover
>I know just the guy
>>64159656
kek
>>64161379
She peaked in Leon famalam
>>64159139
classic
>we need someone who just remakes something we already have but make it with a modern CURRENT YEAR cast
>Can you get me such a guy?
>>64161876
He got married to this.
>>64156624
>we want the /tv/ audience but also need to pull the high test fags from /fit/
>say no more senpai we gotchu backed
>we want everyone to think that we've cast someone for the part but then not end up using them and going for someone completely different
>say no more f@m
>>64162560
L O W
O
W
Q U A L I T Y
U
A
L
I
T
Y
>We need someone who is recognizable enough to slap onto the poster and will play in our $5 budget shitfest!
>I think I just might know the guy.
>>64164185
underrated post
>tfw you invented this meme
feels good senpai
>>64165006
What movie was this for?
>Alright there's a problem everyone
>We still need someone to play a lead girl for three movies in a row in one of the biggest franchises in existence. Thing is we already spent everything on persuading Ford to come back also that BB-8 droid cost us like 800 million dammit. What do we do?
>Well we could just cast..
>No. Listen, I said we really don't have any money.
>Okay. Sorry sir. Why don't we call..
>Do you not understand? I really mean NO DAMN MONEY. ZILCH.
>Fine, I still have 200 dollars in my wallet, I'll go call that one skank I saw play a topless cadaver a while ago
>That'll do
>>64165156
james bond
>>64165203
Ah. Kind of expected though, they'd never cast someone who isn't a white British guy for the role.
>>64164967
muh dick
>>64161245
>implying Hershlag has ever been hotter than Keira in "A dangerous method"
inb4 The professional
inb4 Star wars
> we're remaking the prequels, but we haven't filmed the podrace sequence and we're completely out of CGIs
> say no more senpai-chan
>>64156735
What's odd about him is he's handsome and otherwise looks completely normal and successful, but his videos make it clear he's absolutely fucking bonkers.
>>64165180
audibly loled
>>64165268
Absolutely disgusting.
Keira will never reach The Professional-level Portman.
>>64156624
>get me Brad Pitt
>but sir we need someone who can actually act
>goddammit what's that mexican guy's name again?
>>64165341
To be fair no woman in existence will ever reach LĆ©onat level
>>64156735
oh my god hes my idol. i can never remember his name all my friends and i just call him heavenly number man
>Don't have the budget for Tommy's private bathroom
>We got you a package-deal, sir!
>"So, the movie requires an actor that is the precise equivalent of a plain cheese pizza, or vanilla ice cream. My aim is to put the audience to deep sleep via this extremely unremarkable actor. But who should we get? My usual guy, Sam Worthington, got evicted from his Hollywood home for not paying the rent years ago."
>"Say no more, sir. He's already on his way to the set."
>"Our film needs an actor that's so lacking in knowledge of his craft, that he thinks yelling, failing miserably in changing accents and jumping around like a gorilla is fine acting. It'd be also cool if the actor happened to be on suicide watch because of unwarranted, unanswered desires for a reward for his abysmal acting."
>"You can sleep easy, sir. I happen to know the perfect actor for your needs."
>>64165292
>We're rebooting The Mummy and we need some special effects for Imhotep sucking the life out of his victims but we ran out of money
>Say no more, I have access to Brendan's Facebook timeline
>>64165391
Agreed.
>>64165180
POTTERY
>"Fuck, man! I'm trying to get my remake of Gorillas in the Mist rolling, but so far, I've only got the mist."
>"Your worries are over, my man. She's also interested in a potential King Kong reboot."
>>64159277
It's funny because Bryan Cranston was thought to be cast as Lex, right?
>"We need an Asian actress, but I guess she could be half-Asian. Also, I haven't fucked a girl in the ass in a while."
>"I think I have the perfect solution."
>>64165467
Is it immoral to stare at her mouth?
>>64165461
Got me fucked up
>>64159277
>>64165564
It's all good mane, I won't tell the FBI.
>>64165520
>but so far, I've only got the mist
best line in 8/10 thread
>I need someone who reeks of desperation and misery, someone who once showed promise but has now fallen into a personal abyss of utter hopelessness and despair, someone whose life is fucked up beyond repair. Someone who is patheticness personified.
>Sir, you may rest easy, I'm writing him a letter as we speak (he's too poor to afford a phone, you see).
>"Hey man, I need a young man for my movie, but I literally have zero dollars, and therefore would need to pay the guy with my dinner leftovers."
>"Sir, there is a perfect person for the job. Food is the only currency he takes now, money is a concept entirely unknown and forgotten to him at this point."
>>64165653
>Still has a house
Not fucked up enough.
>>64161355
That's a pretty common sign of anorexia desu senpai. The body starts growing hair for warmth to compensate for lack of fat
>>64159139
>We need a weirdo to be Classic as fuck but we don't have the Paul Dano budget
>I know just the guy, and believe me when I tell you, nobody will notice the difference
>"This script is far too coherent! I need someone who can really butcher the dialogue by delivering all of his lines in a monotone, barely audible mumble."
>"Hand me the phone."
>Hey, we need that guy for this movie, give him a call
>Who?
>You know, that guy
>Oh, you mean that guy
>Yes, call that guy
>>64165724
>The body starts growing hair for warmth to compensate for lack of fat
You're an idiot
>>64165709
he's squatting in an abandoned house.
>>64165791
I always have to look up this guys name and then I forget it the next time I see his face or hear talk about him
>>64156735
who dis??
>I'm still not sure if the protag will be a man or woman.. but damn, I have to start shooting in a few days
>>64158626
She's so gross.
>Can we have Kurt Russel?
>'no'
>>64159139
they just don't make em classier
>>64165461
Goddammit Q.Q
>>64165461
>>64161010
kek
>A genuine Saturnian xysti gnepalphortorph would lend an element of authenticity to our new sci-fi adventure but first contact isn't scheduled to be revealed to the general public for another nineteen years!
>Excuse me, sir? I think I may have just what we're looking for.
>>64159353
You did it backwards numb nuts
>>64158897
> we can't finish this blacked video, the fluffer just quit
> i know just the guy and he does it goe free
>>64165949
Bitch looks like David fucking Bowie.
>>64162560
>we need an actor who can play a tough and a cold silent assassin
>statham says no but here's another guy and he's just as good i swear
>>64156735
Source
>Okay tell you what I got into a fight with the studio boss last night and now I just want this show to crash and burn and get cancelled within a few episodes
>But I don't want him to know I'm behind it. Any ideas?
>I got you senpai desu
>We need her to get her tits out
>I KNOW JUST THE WOMAN
> we're making Halloween XXII, but it's passover and we completely blew our Michael Meyers mask budget.
> natch
Del Toro is more operator then Pitt ever was, this is a fact
>>64165985
>We need David Bowie for this part, but he's doing heroin in Berlin somewhere.
>Say no more.
>>64165802
Google Lanugo
>>64165802
He's not wrong
http://www.health.com/health/gallery/0,,20665980_5,00.html
Had an anorexic gf for a while and noticed her arms got a bunch of peach fuzz when she got really bad.
>we need an awkward, lanky white kid to play the role of the awkward, lanky white kid
>no can do, sir. michael cera disappeared after the arrested development reboot
>you sure he's not working under a different name?
>So this will be a comedy about an awkward fat guy who gets into a lot of embarrassing situations because he's so clumsy
>Sir, you need not say a word more
