Disney pays 4 billion dollars to buy the rights to the most well-known science fiction series in the world. They announce the EU is no longer canon. They now have Carte Blanche to write the future of Star Wars as they see fit, to do the series and the fans justice.
Money is no object. The finest writers, storyboard artists, consultants, etc... are available to bring any bold vision by JJ Abrams into fruition. What do we get?
>Kylo Ren is a Vader clone. Literally the least imagination required in a new villain.
>The Death Star 3.0: This time it's bigger!!!!
>This death star still has a weak spot that is actually bigger than the first two and is even easier to destroy.
>Entire Death Planet's shields can be brought down by a single stormtrooper captain from a single terminal in the trash building
>Captain Phasma, much hyped and anticipated, does nothing on screen and is a worthless character
>Han Solo, galactically recognized smuggler/hero, is still smuggling shit for a living in his old age.
>R2D2 is in, i wish i was kidding, a robot coma until he magically wakes up with the deus ex machina to luke's hideout
>C3PO awkwardly shoehorned in so that actor's feelings aren't hurt by leaving him out
>Carrie Fisher looks and sounds like shit, and has the worst interactions on screen with Han
>actually ruins Han Solo's character desu
>Finn and Poe are immediately best friends, calling each other nicknames, even running towards each other to hug passionately the SECOND time they ever meet. (probably the gay romance Disney will reveal in the next movie)
>muh Stronk woman Rey is typical Mary Sue instant badass, better pilot than Han Solo at his own ship, better force user/light saber than trained Kylo Ren
>"Droid Please"
all of these are indisputable facts. Disney took a big fat steaming dump on the series and it's fan's by just creating another death star.
honestly i enjoyed the movie 7/10
>They announce the EU is no longer canon.
Source? Or are you pulling that out of your ass
>>64072758
Are you dumb?
What does it even matter?
Tell me, what does "canon" mean to you? You do realize it's ALL FICTION, right?
>>64072758
>I can't google it for myself!
>please spoonfeed me!
it fucking happened
It's manufactured "fun". Nothing about this has a single drop of imagination or risk. It's a calculated cynical movie meant to play it safe and pander to nostalgiafags.
>>64072781
>i said it happened so it happened.
2/10 shit bait tbqh
>>64072780
you're joking right? theres a difference between official shit and some random idiot making stuff up
>>64072758
was this your first star wars movie?
it's ok. my gf had never seen any of them either
FUCKING CASUAL
When you think about it, it does make sense how bland they went.
You buy Star Wars for 4 billion, everyone realizes you're making a new movie, hype starts going in.
You really think they were going to go super original in Star Wars and have maybe the biggest backlash in history making that 4 billion bassicaly pointless?
If they didn't do somewhat decent (they barely scraped by with FA) no one would give a shit about the next movie
>>64072845
your gf is cheating on you right now
>le TFA is terrible because le redditors like iiiiit! Waaaaaaaaah!
>>64072758
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Star_Wars_canon
>On April 25, 2014, Lucasfilm and Disney removed all Expanded Universe works from the canon.
>>64072840
The extended universe was all "canon" until disney said it wasn't. It's just jews way of changing our thought patterns a la "We've always been at war eith Eastasia"
>>64072881
Found the redditor
>>64072900
thanks Obama
She still didn't fly the Falcon as well as Lando in RotJ nor as well as Han in the asteroid belt. She had been working in the husk of that Star Destroyer for a long time, knew it inside and out.
Han OTOH had to deal with the randomness of an asteroid belt and Lando squeezed the Falcon into spaces it barely fit standing still.
Honestly it's just a hell of a ship.
>>64072985
you must be forgetting the whole exchange where she surprises han with her clever engineering by "bypassing the compressor" or whatever, and Han is like "wow you kno so much pls join my crew"
she knows more about the millenium falcon than Han.
you are now aware this was done just so she could be "better than the boys"
>>64072714
>Kylo Ren is a Vader clone
not even fucking close
>Han Solo, galactically recognized smuggler/hero, is still smuggling shit for a living in his old age.
he has plenty of money. he's doing it because he's good at it. something you surely wouldn't relate to
>>64072714
I liked it, gonna rewatch it.
If it makes you feel any better Rian Johnson should be taking it in a much more creative direction.
The Poe and Finn friendship actually makes sense after they escaped death together and both thought the other had died when tie fighter crashed.
>>64073023
She knew how starships work because until then she spent every day of her life scrapping a giant fucking starship.
>>64073028
>he's not a clone!
he dresses like vader
he sounds like vader
he wants to be vader
yep he's a clone
>H-he's just good at smuggling guys that what anybody would do!
Rey instantly recognizes him as "han solo the famous smuggler"
The two gangs that try to kill him explicitly state there isn't anyone left in the galaxy that Han hasn't screwed over
Can you honestly not see the stupidity of being a galactically recognizable smuggler with a famous ass ship? Your whole job is to hide shit on board and convince people you aren't carrying contraband
>what's that Han? you promise you aren't smuggling anything? OK I believe you!
Use your brain for one second (it's not something you would be used to).
>>64072881
using le is a sign you come from reddit.
le has never been used on 4chan in any form really.
been here since 07 i know im a faggot. but please if you come here.
change your behaviour
>>64073066
>guy risks his life to break you free from a short existence of continual torture followed by execution
>separated in a daring escape
>know idea if the other is alive
What did you expect them to just wave to each other?
>>64072714
>uncapitalized word right at the beginning of the opening crawl
>multiple regional English accents all of a sudden
>unsubtle fanservice and cringey humor
>everyone keeps artificially saying "we have no chance against THE FIRST ORDER™", or "I bet THE FIRST ORDER™ is on their way right now!" instead of colloquially calling it the Order
>full CGI characters like Snoke and Maz
>Maz's hand-wave of an explanation for having Luke's saber
>Poe's hand-wave of an explanation for disappearing in the crash
>Finn calls the star that gets absorbed "the Sun"
>3PO's arm is back to being gold when everyone waves at the end of the movie
>that awkward spinning helicopter shot instead of the classic ending
>Rey is the new Han, Luke, AND Leia
>>64073081
yeah you're right. I hadn't thought about how yanking shiny parts off an aircraft carrier to sell for drug money could teach me how to pilot one of those things.
how hard could it be right?
>>64073127
Bro
>>64073153
Just because you're an idiot doesn't mean everyone else is.
>>64073141
i feel bad for extorting money from my best friend's girlfriend now
>>64072862
Barely scraped by with TFA?
>>64073141
>>64073153
Imagine you spent years crawling around the USS Nimitz figuring out its every inner working. Then one day you find yourself out on a lake in Wisconsin on a pontoon boat needing to fix the 200 hp outboard. I'd say you'd be just the right man for the job, even if you aren't familiar with that specific pontoon boat.
>>64073023
the compressor was added by one of the junkyard guys
>>64073201
>someone got this upset over Star Wars
>>64073251
im not complaining about her "engineering knowledge" (even though yanking parts off a junkyard to sell for scrap does not equal being able to diagnose engine problems)
she is literally an ace pilot of the most awkward ship on her first go around.
must have had a lot of practice flying millenium falcons growing up poor in the desert huh?
enough practice, at least, to outmaneuver tie fighters with pilots who train regularly, on her first go in a brand new ship
it's BULLSHIT
han could barely outmaneuver ties after a lifetime flying that ship
>>64073121
le start on Reddit but then was adapted by 4chan as a way of making fun of Reddit.
Of course that whole thing predictably backfired.
>>64073352
I'd say you are projecting your incompetence on a Star Wars character.
Most people are better than you, it's just that you find it to be unbelievable.
>>64073352
Lando outmaneuvered TIE's in the Falcon. Tighter quarters in totally unfamiliar environment for Lando, not to mention same place where those TIE pilots literally work.
Notice how the TIE pilots don't crash either in the ruined Star Destroyer? Finn shoots both of them down. Rey really only pulled one super slick move (the quick turn out of the blasted hull of the star destroyer), and really just moped around in that thing for cover because she was going to get lit up in the open.
Han lost 2 star destroyers and an entire squadron of TIE's in OPEN SPACE, don't even compare the two.
>>64073412
only s4s uses le and redditfags.
no other boardcultures do and or need to
but okay whatever yo
>>64073435
it's fucking star wars. I have no problem believing ridiculous shit for the sake of a movie.
The ridiculous mary sue protagonist doesn't follow the same rules as everyone else in the universe though.
she is instantly the strongest force user, the smartest mechanic, the best fighter, the best pilot etc...
>>64073471
only a sith deals in absolutes
>>64073479
She also doesn't know how to fire a blaster.
She uses the Force successfully against weak (Stormtroopers, who were pretty useless against the force in the OT) and erratic (Kylo is an emotional wreck compared to Rey) opponents.
She does well with starships because that's her fucking background.
She's no better a pilot than anyone else in the movie.
Her dominating Kylo Ren in the light saver duel was a little silly, I'll give you that. But that's one instance.
>>64072900
ITT: I idiots that can't google things for themselves so Obama has to do it for them
>New death star can fire a laser that travels through hyperspace.
>New death star's shield can't repel faster than light objects, and everyone knows this.
>No one needed to steal the plans to the new death star because the Resistance just has them somehow.
>X-wing pilot figures out how to destroy new death star after less than a minute thinking about it.
>Low-level janitor knows the spot to pew-pew kill the new death star
>BB8's map contains many parsecs of star data, but this can't be mapped because huge portions of the galaxy are still uncharted after thousands of years of interstellar space exploration.
>Faster and quicker to cross the galaxy than a trip to the 7/11.
>Luke's lightsaber is left in an unlocked room in an unlocked box in a hive of space pirates.
>>64073479
She's been living on what is essentially fucking Arrakis for most of her life. She IS the Kwisatz Haderach.
>>64072714
It's not SF, there is no science. It's space opera for children. They were always the target audience.
I gave it a 6/10 initially for nostalgia, and it was stupidly entertaining too. I'm bumping that up now to 10/10 because butthurt manchildren tears who expected anything more than mickey mouse and space nazis.
>>64073539
>She does well with starships because that's her fucking background.
No it isn't. She is a scavenger, not a fucking mechanic. If she was a mechanic, there wouldn't be any point in being a scavenger.
>>64073269
The whole concept of Han and Chewie ever "losing" the Falcon or it "getting stolen" is fucking retarded in the first place, and was just an excuse to have the new characters run across it for le ebic references
The Han we know from the OT would never get cornered that way, and if he did he'd probably rather die protecting his ship than let some random retard junkers steal it
>>64073457
you are just proving my point dumbass.
Lando was the previous owner of the ship, so it's no surprise that he is able to fly it extremely well.
Han, if you recall, was extremely challenged by the tie fighters in open space and thought it was lucky they got away from them at all.
Rey stumbles on the millennium falcon and does the most impressive flying in the falcon we've ever seen in a movie. On her first try.
you are desperately defending a movie that just blatantly makes their protagonist a super hero that can't do anything wrong. in the name of feminism.
>>64073028
>not even fucking close
only because they wrote his character to be a weak faggot for grrl power purposes
>>64073651
>>BB8's map contains many parsecs of star data, but this can't be mapped because huge portions of the galaxy are still uncharted after thousands of years of interstellar space exploration.
That's actually completely reasonable, Galaxy's are BBC huge
>>64073121
"le" started on 4chan with ragecomics.
Then ragecomics became big on Reddit and "le" was adopted as an 'ironic' phrase to make fun of ragecomics and Reddit. I check Reddit ehen I did research on this meme years back, they banned it from the ragecomic sub, so it has been an exlusive 4chan thing for a while.
"Le" is a 4chan thing.
>>64073897
If that was the location of the first jedi temple shouldn't that area be mapped?
>>64073471
>only s4s uses le to mock reddit
How long have you been there faggot?
>>64073922
And a being a water rich planet with other recourses including a temperate climate, the planet would be a hot commodity in any galaxy. Knowledge about such planets would be something that could be traded for other things and would be a nice career alternative to smuggling/pirating. There would be thousands of people exploring and charting the galaxy for that reason alone.
Kylo isn't a Vader clone. He is a coward, that's why he is wearing the mask. He admires Vader and wants to be like him, but he knows no one will take him seriously with his stupid teenage face. Stormtroopers wear helmets as well, it could also be some sort of protection.
>>64073804
She literally said something like "I'm a pilot". Why wouldn't you just believe her?
>>64072714
>the finest _ money can buy
No, that's not how modern Disney work. Walt Disney made art and entertainment and if they couldn't afford or figure out how to do something properly, they didn't (which is why beauty and the beast was released in the 90s, not the 40s/50s). Modern Disney is about maximising profits for minimal cost. They got serviceable people in who could do what it takes to make a movie that will make money, not necessarily be "good".
>>64072985
Being able to put together a car doesn't make you a good driver.
Being able to tailor a shoes doesn't make you a good runner
Why would looting s ship suddenly make you s great pilot?
>>64072714
>Disney pays 4 billion dollars to buy the rights to the most well-known science fiction series in the world. They announce the EU is no longer canon. They now have Carte Blanche to write the future of Star Wars as they see fit, to do the series and the fans justice.
>Money is no object. The finest writers, storyboard artists, consultants, etc... are available to bring any bold vision by JJ Abrams into fruition. What do we get?
A New Hope 2.0 is what we got.
They played it safe and hit the mark.
No originality, but solid execution.
All they wanted and needed to do was avoid a repeat of what happened with the prequels, which were very original but terribly executed.
But yeah, no mistake I was disappointed with he plot being completely by-the-numbers rehash of IV, seeing as they had all the resource they could have dreamed of.
But it was still a solid film.
>>64073176
>>64073251
Spoken like someone who has never driven a car in their life.
I beat you think if you broke down pianos to sell it would make you a great musician huh?
the EU is still real in my mind
kek op, you pretty much summed up all my thoughts
even after all that shit i'm also
>honestly i enjoyed the movie 7/10
It just wasn't complete shit I guess. It's pretty hard to have any feelings for this movie one way or the other because it was probably one of the "safest" and most "produced" movies I've ever seen
they really fucked up with the characters. Rey is a snooze who can do anything really well even if she's never done it before because ??? stronk womyn jedi. Finn has a big personality and more quips than tony stark despite being a indoctrinated child soldier since birth, and in my opinion he got fucking annoying
poe is alright but he has like what, twenty minutes on screen? Captain phasma is a non-character and does stupid shit like lower the base shields (seriously what isn't she like the second in command of the order? you'd think a leader for a crazy obsessed group wouldn't be like "oh sure i'll lower the shield lol just don't shoot me") She could have had a great scene where she says fuck off and then fights chewy/han/finn, instead she just gets blindsided, taken prisoner, yelled at by le in charge space african, and thrown in a garbage shaft
Kylo Ren was solid once I realized he isn't actually meant to be a cool guy, just a loser impersonating a cool guy. Though it's fucking retarded that he lost to finn and rey, don't fucking tell me "b-but he got shot in the side" nigga could still force push rey thirty feet. Why didn't he just force push both and then kill them?
>>64073112
>he dresses like vader
>he sounds like vader
>he wants to be vader
>
>yep he's a clone
nah, he's just a fanboy
he doesn't inspire in his troops like vather and he's prone to tantrums
>>64072922
>>64072780
>>64072900
Disney paid money and decided that all the old canon stuff isn't canon anymore. I decided that anything they make isn't canon and all the old stuff still is. Who the fuck are they to tell me otherwise?
i honestly can't think of anything they could have done that would have been worse than remaking anh. don't they know how sick people are of remakes? i guess they thought if they brought back old characters people would get confused and not realise it was a remake.
>>64073201
Literally any movie can have a list just like this.
>>64073112
mate this movie was mediocre and bland as fuck but you're pretty fucking dense
Kylo Ren's whole thing is "wants to be hardcore like Vader but the light side won't let him"
he wears a mask with a voice modulator and the clothes so he can look and sound imposing, like vader. Kylo himself is a goofy looking brat who has tempertantrums at the age of 30 (yes he's fucking 30) when things don't go his way
though since this movie sucks and is made by hacks with the primary focus of selling as many toys/merchandise as possible Kylo is shown doing shit we've never seen before (freezing Poe's blaster shot, freezing poe/rey, mind rape) so plebs think he's some badass and buys his toys.
this is terrible since his characterization is the complete opposite of a badass. He has op and new force powers that he only uses in the movie to look cool for toy sales, but doesn't use them when his use of them would impair the movies shitty writing (like the fight with finn/rey in the forest)
this is especially insulting since in the forest fight he fucking starts off force pushing rey about twenty feet and knocking her out, but doesn't force push Finn too because ??? and doesn't use the force fucking once after starting off with the push.
Were this movie halfway decent and not made purely for merchandising and epic battle scenes, based on the logic the movie creates early on finn and rey would be dead as shit about two seconds after the fight begins. But our interracial heroes have to win the fight against the bad white man so he doesn't use the force for no reason and then loses to a girl who has never touched a lightsaber before
TLDR bravo JJ
