HOLY SHIT, ABRAMS ON SUICIDE WATCH
ABSOLUTELY DESTROYED
>>63700467
We gotta back him up /tv/ he is fighting the good fight alone
>>63700467
>piffle
This guy is based as hell.
>>63700467
He's the hero we deserve
this guy automatically gets a spot in my eugenics program
A GLIB FACSIMILE
based
>>63700467
JJ BLOWN THE FUCK OUT
STAR WARS NECKBEARS ON SUICIDE WATCH
Star Wars VII: A glib fascimile
>>63700467
>piffle
Goddamn my sides have been launched into another dimension.
How can one movie be so glibbly piffling facsimiliatious?
>>63700554
Good. Just dont mix up those piss and cum bottles.
i knew it all along
SW7 is crap
you heard it here first
I enjoy how the average intelligence is so low on this board that so few of you recognize jerking him off for his review is exactly the same as hating him for his review. you're just doing your own version of shilling. all of you deserve to die. stay mid 60s IQ.
>>63700696
we're jerking him off for not being a kike shill
>>63700696
shut the fuck up and enjoy the memes, you fucking faggot
>>63700696
SOMEONE GET THIS GLIBHEAD OUTTA HERE
>>63700696
Fuck off, nerd.
>>63700696
Glib cuck.
>>63700741
Shit meme tbhonest family
>>63700734
>>63700741
>>63700755
>>63700757
Nice rebuttals. You got him good.
>>63700696
>>63700803
Shitter shattered glibcuck detected
>>63700696
Actually IQ is in the low 70s, lil bitch.
>>63700803
said the jew
>>63700467
he has seems like a professional guy with with an articulate opinion
>>63700696
SOMEBODY GET THIS GLIB HEAD OUTTA HERE
>>63700696
you realize to do no shilling on this board would mean /tv/ would have to be erased from 4chan.
stop abusing the word.
Well, he's right.
If they wanted to remake Star Wars, they should have just remade the fucking thing scene for scene and fucked off with a "modern" version.
>>63700696
>glib piffle of a post
>>63700467
>SJW's get BTFO
>Immediately start calling a guy a fag etc. etc.
And these are meant to be the good guys in society lel....
>>63700696
Fuck off Colin you dumb cuck
>>63700883
>mfw baneposting already coops glibposting
Disney literally rebooted Star Wars , disguised as a sequel. we got KIKED, ladies and gents.
>200 milion dolar budget
>disney dumped 4 billions just to buy franichise from Jorge
>all that advertising
>implying that JJ and Kasdan had anything to say when it comes to script
JJ is a hack, but at this point his directing is the only thing that can save this movie.
>tfw back in the old days the mods would have renamed /tv/ - glib facsimile
>>63700696
130 IQ here
Appeasement doesn't work if the other side is shilling, it just makes it look like theirs is the only opinion
>>63701260
Stand back! We got a badass!
>>63701286
You realize that thing never chopped it's dick off right? It identifies as a lesbian with a penis so it's still fucking women all day just while calling itself a woman.
>>63701319
Sorry, i dont have many reaction images on my phone.
>>63700696
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wRQry89ZcQk
>vid related, it's you
>>63700467
>profanities are off limits
>STFU
>>63701598
im so happy i didnt have a video camera and a means to upload videos to the internet while growing up
>>63700861
>mfw people paid to see this
>>63700505
Did you read that post? Based Moore needs no backup.
>>63700467
>piffle
>glib facsimile
WHERE DID THE SAVIOR OF TV COME FROM
>>63700467
>Abrams giving a shit about a critic at a backwater market like Orlando
oh man.
>>63702273
The internet doesn't work like that Anon. People outside of Orlando can read the review.
>>63702273
>Guy who unironically uses glib fascimilie and piffle in a review is from Florida
Unsurprising
>>63702313
his review is like Gerald's yelp reviews in South Park.
>It's more reboot than sequel, twisted and evil...
>>63701319
He only did it to avoid being jailed for killing someone.
>Kylo Ren, a black-helmeted wearing brute who throws hilarious tantrums
Blown. The. Fuck. Out.
>>63700467
>says youre not allowed to swear
>says STFU next sentence
I'm starting to like this guy, but you retreads are only giving Disney free press by forcing it.
>>63702597
God damn anon, think about what you just posted. I'm not talking about the type if that's what you're thinking.
>>63702676
>*typo
shit
BLOWN THE FUCK OUT
>goes into watch star wars
>comes out using words like piffle, glib, and fascimile
yeah he isnt trying to garner attention at all
I dont mind the main character having an interracial relationship but just straight up copying the original is pretty disgusting and the movie should be more shamed for it.
>>63702676
Explain it then. Disney expects places like 4chan to talk shit. The more you talk shit the more people think about the product. That's all that matters. You, thinking about their product, talking about their product, getting other people to think and talk about their product. Free press is free press.
>>63700947
How is this even a thing? Is group-think the only thing people in the world are capable of? Can people not form their own opinions even if it's contrary to what others say? Must everyone like something is a certain amount of people enjoy it?
>>63700467
So why should I watch this if I've already seen ANH? Even if it's not terrible I don't see the point in watching a remake of an already classic movie.
>>63700861
So basically just watch A New Hope, and you are good.
>Disney making the same movie over and over with very few changes
Thanks capeshit.
>>63702775
>Disney expects places like 4chan to talk shit
>The more you talk shit the more people think about the product
My god Anon, people say I'm out of touch with reality because I occasionally write detailed analysis' of how memes develop on /tv/. You take it to a whole new level.
>>63702880
No anon, I just understand how marketing works.
So fresh
>>63702925
>how marketing works
>Disney Executive 1: "It's essential that we control the /tv/ userbase. They're the key to all of this."
>Disney Executive 2: "We need to leave them to their own devices, they won't like the movie but their hate threads will bring millions flocking to theatres all over the world."
>Disney Executive 1: "This is an even better idea than when we paid people to shill Mad Max: Fury Road. And that made us trillions!"
Is this how marketing works in your head?
This is just hilarious since in the original trilogy, 2/3 films were about the Rebels trying to destroy the Death Star.
It's hilarious because when A New Hope came out, the story of a regular guy - usually a farm boy - being elevated to hero status to rescue a princess with the aid of a wise old man, fighting an evil empire with a dark knight, all that stuff had been done literally thousands of times before. The dogfighting was lifted directly from WW2 movies. It was entirely unoriginal. Well I guess there's one thing, perhaps in invented the cliche of taking something and doing it IN SPAAAACE.
It's hilarious how SWfags so often think that SW started as anything more than a toy commercial. It was even in Lucas' contract that he'd get less pay for directing and other work but a huge cut of merchandise.
The plot make no sense - why does Vader stop Leia at the start when he could just have followed her to the Rebel base? Later, at the end, when Leia knows the Falcon is being tracked by the Empire, does she now decide to go right to the Rebel base and lead the Empire there? Why is it that when the heroes are inside the Death Star during the middle part of the movie, no one thinks to sabotage it at all? Obi Wan wanders off, apparently having free reign to waltz around the station, freely turns off the tractor beam yet doesn't permanently break other functions? R2 had prolonged direct access to the mainframe computer but doesn't fuck it all up?
Instead they leave, KNOWINGLY lead the Empire to their base, and all on the very slight chance that there maybe might be a weakness in the Death Star plans they can hopefully exploit EVEN THOUGH THEY WERE JUST INSIDE THE MOTHERFUCKING THING? That's just the tip of the iceberg and just in the first movie.
>>63703042
Stop posting. You have no idea what you're talking about.
>>63703095
>hilarious
my least favourite word. please stop.
>>63703139
That's just hilarious, Anon.
>>63703122
explain then. what insight do you have on the industry? Do you sincerely think that anybody at Disney even knows what /tv/ is?
>>63703095
Why, if the force of impact of a small asteroid is enough to kill life on earth, no one sending a rock at light speed at the death star and take it out instantly?
Why, if the galaxy has evolved to having hyper light speed, can these great engineers not find a way to shoot down space crafts with something more accurate and powerful than those manually operated laser beams?
Recorded 2 min with snoke and huxhttp://vocaroo.com/i/s19DjAXIYHUy
>>63703893
Kylo sounds like a whiny bitch
>>63700861
So it's basically The Hangover 2?
>>63700467
Finally someone exposing kasdan for the hack he is.
When will people realize that lucas was always the genius behind star wars and those talentless hacks like kasdan just got a free ride along with his fame?
Based
Fucking memers shaking my head to be honest
>>63703042
All publicity is good publicity. You are shilling it by talking about it at all, positively or negatively.
>>63704926
>Kuc
brilliant
>>63704926
>my wife's son
>>63704985
Do you really think that a 4chan thread can do anything for STAR WARS?
And here we have a glib facsimile of an earlier comment.
>>63705358
Holy shit, that's good.
>>63702788
What I personally don't understand is why people take negative reviews of things they enjoy so damn hard.
Who gives a fuck if someone doesn't like something you like?
>>63705447
Because someone's disagreeing with you, except it's turned up to 11 because it's the internet. Same reason you can't have an opposing view on something nowadays without someone being offended by it
>>63705447
>Who gives a fuck if someone doesn't like something you like?
Liberals
>>63705358
>the spoilers were true
>/tv/ has been saying it was A New Hope all over again
Where is Based Armond's review?
RLM to rip VII to shreds
>>63705658
http://rogersmovienation.com/2015/12/16/movie-review-star-wars-redux-aka-the-force-awakens/comment-page-2/#comment-68722
I love you so much /tv/
B-But Chris Stuckmann gave it an A
>>63705358
hehe good meme
>>63705763
>t. Alberto Barbosa
>>63701598
I'm not sure some of the words he is using mean what he thinks they do
>>63700696
opinions are for faggots
>>63700741
:---DD
Can't wait for Based Armond the king of /tv/ to take a shit on this flick. STAR KEKS ON SUICIDE WATCH
>>63705816
So le hilarious, upboat xD
>>63700696
this
i don't understand how anyone can actually like movie critics. these are people who get paid to write about movies because they don't have the talent to direct, act or take any part in the production.
>>63700696
>ur dumb fer having an opiniom!
That's you.
>expecting originality from Star Wars
You've been drinking too much of Flints water
>>63705816
>my black son
what
>>63700467
this guy wrote about Abrams shit in a much more skilled manner than I could. That feeling when you lack the emotive capabilities to explain your derision and someone comes along and does it beautifully.
>>63706926
Mittfag detected
>>63700467
post link to source you fucking retard
>>63701795
Neither did Achilles, from the Greek's point of view, yet they still fought by his side!
>>63705358
>charity work in Africa
Bellissimo
>>63707583
Here's a guide.
>It's a review by a well known critic of The Force Awakens.
>Go to http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/star_wars_episode_vii_the_force_awakens/
>It's a negative review, so click on "Rotten" in the list of reviews.
>Get http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/star_wars_episode_vii_the_force_awakens/reviews/?sort=rotten
>It's from Roger. Look at his review, and click "Full Review"
>Get http://rogersmovienation.com/2015/12/16/movie-review-star-wars-redux-aka-the-force-awakens/
>It's a comment. Scroll down to the comments.
>Bam. You've arrived.
Teach a man to fish, Anon.
>>63707652
>well known critic of The Force Awakens.
>knowing "critics" by name
>caring about "critics"
also, not looking for something =/= not being able to look for something
>>63703095
this to be honest familia
>>63707705
>>63707705
I'm going to be honest with you senpai.
I have no idea who this fuck is. But by the first couple comments of this thread, it's obvious a lot of people here do know who he is.
This means he is well known.
The point of that guide I gave you there was to use your noggin.
You failed. But don't worry you can try again as many times as you like.
>>63703095
Esto a decir verdad familia
ABSOLUTELY BTFO
Is this what old people felt like when the Phantom Menace came out and it kind of sucked?
>>63707815
I lied to myself and told myself it was a good movie. That didn't last long
>>63700467
the more i hear about the plot the more it strikes me as a glib fascimile of a new hope
>>63700467
This guy makes some good points but I liken it to Romeo and Juliet.... That simplistic tale has been put on film dozens of times and nobody bashes it for having a "new take" on an old tale.
Was anyone mad when mercutio had a gun?
>>63702829
>>63700861
Worth the watch though. How else would I be able to shitpost the movie with out having watched it.
I look forward to torrenting this cashcow of a movie so i can shitpost further
>>63707957
Honestly you should consider suicide for comparing Star Wars to R+J you cretin
>>63707957
that's not the same, because they're taking a story and putting a spin on it by putting it in a different setting. this is retelling star wars in the star wars universe, chronologically only like 20 years after the first time it happened.
that'd be like retelling romeo and juliet 20 years after the events of the first one, at same location and general time period, just with the character names changed. they're still in medieval italy or wherever the fuck they were. they're still using daggers. all the shit's the same except instead of venice it's rome. do you understand this?
>>63708013
They're both simple and iconic stories. The comparison is fair.
>>63700467
>How many of you have watched the crap Lawrence Kasdan has scripted the past ten years?
FUCK YOU DREAMCATCHER WAS AWESOME
>>63708054
>Romeo and Juliet have ghosts that help a new pair of Star crossed lovers.
How has this not been written yet?
>tfw the length of time you spend disliking the movie on 4chan eclipses the running time of the movie itself
>>63708121
Sorry to tell you, but that movie came out 12 years ago.
Godspeed based rational journalist, fight against Disney's corruption and the madness of fanboys!
>>63701013
kiked so hard.
Female protag.
Black side-kick.
Kill the White-man.
Other white-man must be evil.
>progressive
lol It's a blatant slap in the face by the jews. a somewhat flexing of their muscles saying "We can do whatever we want and you can't do anything about it"
>everything we don't like is weaponized by the jews..... seriously
>>63701319
I fucking told this shit was going to happen.
TFA is just like ever other Disney capeshit and JJ's Star Trek.
A formulaic cookie cutter blockbuster with no soul that has been focused tested to death to appeal to as many demographics as possible.
>>63708231
what they don't understand is that young white boys watching this movie will relate with kylo and the empire, which is already being portrayed as badass, and the association of fascism with badass will be strengthened in their minds. when kylo gets beaten they'll be disappointed along with him, but they'll still relate to him and wish he won. none of them are going to be dressing up as the black guy for halloween, they're all going to be kylo ren
>They actually did it, they actually went full Poetry
>>63708325
cûcks and blacks always win in the end against the fascist white dudes. That's what people are taught and made to believe and associate with.
Basically by portraying nazis as extremely badass they are olny making their victory over them even greater. It's more satisfying to beat the strong guy than to beat the weak guy.
>>63707957
>Was anyone mad when mercutio had a gun?
Absolutely. Baz Lurhmann is a hack who adapted the story in the laziest way possible.
>>63708297
>>63708482
i disagree. if you want an argument as to why you can just read my previous post again. people will always associate with the person who looks most similar to them, and the result of the final battle has little bearing on if they dissociate from them or not. it'd basically be a coin toss if their guy wins or not (in real life, storywise it's 100% in heroes favor), and the child subliminally realizes that in real life it'd be a 50% chance either way
>>63700861
this can't be real
>>63705816
>even though I am a huge one
>username 4U
pretty subtle, made me kek
>>63701353
Well you can't hassle the hoff.
>>63700861
>The Glib Facsimile
glibin
>>63704388
Underrateddubs.
>>63701750
Nice cuckshed
>>63700861
>Ren is Rey's cousin
Other than that, quite spot on.
>>63704388
Star Wars VII: The Hangover 2
>>63700861
This is so disappointing. I always knew it would tread close to the original, and I wouldn't blame them for doing that. But a scene for scene remake is almost sad to think about. People got paid to write this, and apparently did it with complete cynicism about the films
Is it naive for me to say Rogue One should be better?
Is it possible that maybe, just maybe, ever movie isn't trying to be a subtle and complex work of art?
Much less a sequel to a series of movies that are popular precisely because of their straightforward simplicity?
The mistake was made when they chose a Star Wars fan to make a Star Wars movie
Here's JJ's thought process when making this movie
>I liked this part in the old Star Wars movie
>Lets put it into the new Star Wars movie
>People liked these characters in the old Star Wars movie
>Lets put the same characters in the new Star Wars movie but with new actors who will be mentored by the old before we kill them off for cheap emotional effect
>>63709532
Way to miss the point
>>63709532
How does that excuse the fact it's basically borderline a remake/reboot?
>>63705816
> my black son
Lol u can tell some pasty cracker wrote that
>>63705816
>4U
okay which one of you did this
>>63709635
It couldn't have been any other way.
You have to realise that Disney bought this franchise for a single purpose and that is to make money.
To make sure that the flicks appeal to as many as possible they went the way of "if it ain't broken, don't fix it".
Abrams probably had as much say as the Disney execs did.
This flick is literally made to sell shit. Merchandising, as a wise green space jew once said.
>>63711759
And it'll succeed because the target audience is the lowest common denominator
>>63700861
Is this for real?
BTW, who are Rey's parents?
>>63711975
Most of it is real.
So you could say what is said therein is true.From a certain point of view.As for Rey's parents, they are a mystery.
>>63712085
Thank you very much.
>>63712437
Glad to help a neighbour!
>>63700898
It's harder to sell Dodge Rams, Cover Girl makeup, Cambell's tomato soup and Zales jewelry that way.
