>You fought in the Clone Wars?
>Yes. I was once a Jedi Knight, the same as your father.
>That reminds me. Luke, did I ever tell you that in our prime (which happened to be a mere 20 years ago), the Jedi had Dragon Ball Z powers and could destroy armies single-handedly, run at lightning fast speed, deflect blaster bolts with stunning precision, jump tens of thousands of feet in the air, and hover around for prolonged periods of time? "Crouching Jedi, Hidden Sith" sums up that era well.
>Now that I'm an old man, I can't do any of that anymore. Time is not a good friend.
>>63467682
kek
That scene was ridiculous but it was pretty neat.
>>63467682
>the Jedi had Dragon Ball Z powers and could destroy armies single-handedly
Not true, Jedi in the movies are super weak. Look at episode 2 and how an army killed at least a hundred of them.
Why didn't he teach Luke about his mastery of the high ground?
>>63467682
>>63467777
>Luke, did I ever tell you that R2D2 has fucking rocket boosters? He was a good droid.
>>63467714
>>63467751
>>63467777
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cF3ocZu4cZo
>>63467829
>noncanon
>>63467858
It was still canon for nearly 11 years, until Disney wrote it off.
>>63467829
Still better than that CGI shit.
>>63467888
It's not canon because in contradicts stuff in the Clone Wars and George Lucas hated it.
>>63467978
If George hated it, isn't that a good thing?
Also, don't say it contradicts the CGI Clone Wars. The animated Clone Wars ties into the movies much nicer than that, the CGI one is riddled with contradictions to the movies and itself.
>>63468023
This is going into autistic detail, but Genndy Wars and the CGI Clone Wars actually tie into each other pretty well, even though apparently Lucasfilm doesn't think so.
This is the correct watching order:
CW Ch. 1-22 (up until Padme sees Anakin's scar) > All of TCW > CW Ch. 22-25 (beginning with the scene on the rainy planet)
>>63467978
>>63468189
George hated it? Damn, I just lost whatever small respect I had for him. Shit's amazing.
But I guess it did give the impression of Jedi's being demigods, specially Yoda wrecking a whole battalion.
Is force-storm canon ?
>>63468397
Nothing besides the movies is canon anymore, how is this hard to understand?
>>63467829
Those few seconds of romance between the boy and Mace Windu were more convincing than the entire romance between Padme and Anakin in the prequels.
>>63468407
Honestly, I don't understand why people care so much what is canon or what isn't. Best answer is: Whatever you like is canon, whatever you hate isn't (unless you want it to be).
>>63468528
this isn't doctor who where you can pick and choose
Luke, did I ever tell you about Anakin Skywalker? Imagine being me in the Jedi Temple and having to be all like "damn, Anakin, you fuckin' edgy, all brooding with your angry eyes and horrific androgynous monster hair. I would totally train you, both as your master and your friend." when all I really want to do is train a different youngling in the practice chamber. Like seriously imagine having to be me and not only sit in my Council chair while Anakin flaunts his disgusting pride in front of me, the favorable opinions of the other masters barely concealing his childish incompetence and hatred of sand, and just sit there, meeting after meeting, hour after hour, while he perfected that glare. Not only having to tolerate his monstrous fucking visage but his haughty attitude as everyone in the council chamber tells him he's THE CHOSEN ONE and DAMN, ANAKIN ACTS LIKE *THAT*?? because they're not the ones who have to sit there and watch his smug fucking gundark face contort into types of grimaces you didn't even know existed before that day. You've been training nothing but a healthy set of Padawans and Knights and later murdered younglings for your ENTIRE CAREER coming straight out of the boonies on Stewjon. You've never even seen anything this fucking cringey before, and now you swear you can taste the sweat that's breaking out on his boyish face as he tries to frown angrily at you, smugly assured that you are enjoying the opportunity to sit there and revel in his "destined (for that is what his calls himself)" purpose, the purpose he worked so hard for by winning podraces in the previous years. And then Master Yoda calls for another meeting, and you know you could kill every single person in the chamber before the Council could put you down, but you sit there and endure, because I'm fucking Obi-Wan. I'm not going to lose my future Tatooine retirement over this. Just bear it. Hide my face and bear it. He was a good friend
>>63468587
Never seen doctor who, but every media you consume is pick and choose. Why the fuck care or bother with what a corporate entity or a creator deems canon when you already have what you like better readily available. Make your own canon in your mind, or don't, point is that it's pretty pointless to bother at all enough to be worked up about shit like this. Hell, as soon as Star Wars mania fades, Disney is going to be looking back at EU to repackage to fans still left anyway.
>>63467801
So retarded, but I always laugh.
>>63467801
I kek'd so hard I nearly pissed myself.
I don't understand how The Emperor could have died in the original trilogy. Couldn't he have used his OP telekinesis powers to fly or hoover, making Vader's attempts of throwing off into the ship's core completely pointless.
>>63468587
the better analogy would have been warhammer 40K
>>63468528
Gendy Wars tied in much better to episode III than the 3D clone wars, and it directly ends when episode III begins, mainly right after Palpatine was kidnapped. it is also the only explanation we had for Griveous having that wheezing cough (mace crushed his chest in as he was getting away)
compare that to the 3d which introduced characters that, while never showing up and contradicting episode III, had such significance that they would have been mentioned if they had been written before the movie
>>63468796
Fuck that noise, I like both Clone Wars, better than the prequel movies and the 2D ones are just as inconsistent as the 3D ones, especially when it comes to Jedi power levels, characterizations and designs (such as Grievous). Don't mean they aren't better than George's first draft amateur hours, canon be damned.
>>63468758
>I don't understand how The Emperor could have died in the original trilogy. Couldn't he have used his OP telekinesis powers to fly or hoover,
Yoda was not able to stop falling or "hover" when he was fighting Sheev on the senate hover discs in Revenge of the Sith, so why would Sheev be able to to it in ROTJ?
>>63468667
Kek
>>63468955
>can lift up x-Wing out of a swamp
>can't lift himself up
Sheev was pushing yoda down so yoda couldn't push himself up. Same with sheev falling down a pit, both vader and luke were using their force powers to overpower sheev's hover.
>>63468587
>>63467767
He wanted to save the high ground for himself, so he could have the metaphorical high ground in relation to Luke
>>63469454
Gotta ward yourself in case Luke goes evil, huh?
Though he should have taught him after he became more powerful than possibly can be imagined. Not to mention that he should have used the high ground when fighting with Vader on the Death Star.
>>63467801
>sad beep
lost it
Someone explain to me why Obi-wan told Luke that Darth Vader killed his father.
Was he lying? Being metaphorical? Or were Luke's father and Darth Vader originally separate characters?
>>63469557
He was an old fuck that couldn't remember properly
>>63469557
Because he wanted to turn Luke against Vader and give him reason to fight... and kill his own father.
>>63467801
what a time to be alive
>>63469664
wouldnt that make obi wan just as bad as sheev
>>63469833
He's even worse. Anakin tried to save him but Luke was bamboozled by the evil Jedi.
>>63467682
>Luke, did I ever tell you that your mum was like 10 years older than your father? She was a good MILF.
>it's a Paulie makes a stupid face episode
>>63467682
leia did i ever tell you about leeia
han did i ever tell you about haan
darth vader did i ever tell you about daarth vaader
>>63469557
But what he said was truefrom a certain point of view
>>63470052
wtf?
>>63470052
Completely random.
Lando, did I ever tell you about Laaando? He was a good friend.
>Peter, did I ever tell you how Haydon betrayed our country and made me a cukcold? He was a good friend.
Just a reminder that the EU was complete trash.
>deflect blaster bolts with stunning precision
Vader does do that in Empire
>>63467682
>Luke did I ever tell you about Death Star Destruction™, an energy drink bottled and sold by the Rebel Alliance on Empire day in 1 ABY - the very same year when taxes rose for outer rim citizens by 15%? It was a refreshing beverage sold on Corellia, right next to a statue of Jedi master Yoda by a Rebel officer. What a good friend he was, taking time out from the Rebellion to sell sugary drinks for five Remembrance Day tokens each! You might think it was in poor taste to make a drink celebrating the deaths of 322,951 people, but Death Star Destruction™ had a cool, crisp taste and it was packed full of electrolytes. It was a good drink.
>>63471346
this. I tried to read one of those books when I still thought Star Wars was good but it sucked so fucking bad. basically a self-insert filled fanfic
>>63467682
Why the fuck was it only this talentless hack who tried to get to Dooku????? Why didn't all the fucking jedi just force jump and attack the Dooku the droids couldn't follow, why are the jedi so fucking retarded? Why didn't they all force push at the same time
>>63471417
>Luke, did I ever tell you about Order 66 Cookies? They are a brand of cookies made by Sheev's Bakery and Confections Inc. to commemorate Empire Day, the anniversary of the day the Galactic Empre was formed which also happened to be the day your father slaughtered the Jedi (even the Younglings) and then I chopped off his arms and legs and left him to burn alive by a pool of lava just before your mother lost the will to live right after she gave birth to you and your sister. High in fibre and low in fat, they are a healthy treat, and a good snack. May I offer you a bag? A trooper by the name of Stormtrooper TK-555 was personally responsible for counting and packaging all the cookies. Instead of having him fight in any of the battles that were going on, they stationed him in an immense cookie factory where he all by himself counted and packaged all of the aforementioned Order 66 cookies. Sheev eventually executed him because he found out that Stormtrooper TK-555 had eaten a few cookies on the sly, which was a big no-no. He was a good friend.
>>63471464
I only read Splinter in the Mind's Eye, circa 1979. It was interesting in that it had a romantic subtext with Luke and Leia and had an appearance of Darth Vader. I found out that the author was told to make it inexpensive to film, so everything occurs on a swamp planet and underground, but since Star Wars did better than expected, the novel was tossed, and a more expensive sequel was made.
>>63467829
>Every clip of the robots one of them says roger roger
>Sometimes it's the one who gave the order, it's not even an acknowledgment
Holy fuck and I thought Lucas was a meme writer
>>63467829
Three episodes from this show are the best things Star Wars has ever had imo.
>Mace Windu DBZ style
>Grievous vs Ki-Ad-Mundi and the rest
>Grievous kidnapping Palpatine
Especially the last one, that one is so fucking good
>>63471464
The only EU book I read was a Galaxy of Fear (children's series) book, the Brain Spiders. It was actually pretty good from what I remember, although that was 18 years ago now.
>1997 was 18 years ago
Just fuck my shit up
>>63467777
Nigga is that concrete? My shit hurts lookin at that
>Luke, did I ever tell you about National Socialism? It was a totalitarian ideology I founded, very similar to that of the present day empire.
>I used it to gain control of an industrialised country in a far away land and to murder millions upon millions of particularly greedy individuals.
>towards the end of the conflict that I started, I used the Force to escape from my underground bunker and endes up here on Tatooine. That's what I have been doing for the past twenty years.
>it was a good war.
>>63467829
is this meant to be funny. something about the whole thing just feels so weird
>and then mace windu PUNCHES the robots and THEN he does a super flip and then
>>63471804
>is this meant to be funny.
No, and that's the 'funny' thing. People actually like this garbage and rave about it constantly.
>>63468678
this desu though I don't think that you know what canon means
>Shitting on Tartakovsky
Fucking contrarians.
>>63471544
>>63471417
I don't know why I like these pastas so much but I do.
>>63467829
those clonetroopers are fucking useless
>>63471688
>that part when Grievous pulls out his 2 extra arms
Tell me about Vader, why was he a good friend?
>>63467682
Sheev, Dooku and Yoda improved as they got older and Obi Wan turned to shit.
Guy must have had alzheimers at age 45 given the amount of shit he didn't tell Luke.
>>63471728
You read that book the year I was born, pham.
>Luke did I ever tell you about Elan Sleazebaggano? He was a slythmonger who tried to sell me deathsticks while me and your father were hunting a changeling bounty hunter. Deathsticks were a drug that literally lowered the user's lifespan with every use, so I naturally declined. Not only did I decline, I used a Jedi mind trick to make him stop selling drugs and to go home and rethink his life, which probably wasn't a good idea as he needed to sell drugs to pay back several debts he owed to the criminal underworld as well as to put himself through medical school. He was a good friend.
>Luke, did I ever tell you about Satine Kryze?
>At some point after becoming a Jedi Knight, Kenobi had an affair with the Duchess from the planet Kalevala. However, in the Clone Wars, their feelings for each other resurfaced. Their relationship also never developed and they broke off the affair to focus on their mutual responsibilities as peacekeepers. During his self-exile, he chose the name Ben for himself due to Satine calling him that in private and admitted he liked it.
>>63467829
I love how the squisher thingy makes a dull plonk sound
>>63467829
What episode of Clone High is this from?
>Luke, wake up
>Luke it's possible I never told you about unidentified aqua droid 6, so let me do that now
>Unidentified aqua doid 6 participated in the Battle of Mon Cala around 21 BBY under command of Separatist commander karkarodon Riff Tamson. After the failed execution of Mon Calamari prince Lee-Char and the rebellion of the Quarren, Riff Tamson ordered more droid reinforcements on the battlefield, including this Aqua droid. During the battle, the droid attacked Mon Calamari captain Gial Ackbar, punching him in the back and trying to shoot him, but the captain dodged every shot. In the end, after he recovered from the blows, captain Ackbar grabbed onto the droid and used his own head to decapitate and destroy the droid. He was a good friend.
>>63473735
at least exchange the pronouns if obi is the one telling the story you lazy fuck
>>63471465
>Why didn't they all force push at the same time
Why didn't the rebellion just destroy the deathstar by flushing all its toilets at the same time?
Best articles on Wookiepedia
http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Table
http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Couch
http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Chair
Luke, did I ever tell you about Galen Marek, the famous "Starkiller"? He was a cunning warrior indeed, and fought your father on many occasions. He best exemplified the "Dragon Ball Z" variety of force powers. On one occasions he zoomed through a creature about 50 times the size of a Rancor, piercing its body entirely as if he were Superman. On another, he harnessed the power of a lightning from a lightning rod, to boost his Force powers and electrocute Darth Vader with enough electricity to power a small city. And, most infamously, he once diverted the course of a capital ship, a Star Destroyer, that was crashing toward a planet's surface. He was also a founding figure of the Rebel Alliance you have joined. The symbol you wear is his family crest. Ask your father about him sometime. He was an edgy friend.
>>63474569
Don't forget jizz
>>63474598
http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Jizz
Hahaha, it's actually a thing
>>63474585
This is probably the main thing I am glad to see reduced to not canon. Cringe as fuck.
>Luke, did I ever tell you about Alec Guiness? He was an award-winning actor who portrayed me in the original Star Wars trilogy.
>He did a good job.
>>63468528
>>63468678
Er.... Do you even know what canon means? Thats like saying you can pick and choose what you want to believe in science. Feel free to not believe in gravity, nobody is making you believe in it. But that doesnt mean youre right.
>>63474924
He doesn't know the difference between canon and head-canon.
>>63467829
Pretty fucking dope desu senpai
>>63470181
This, but actually. Vader is not the same man as Anakin Skywalker. I don't understand what's so hard to comprehend about this. I got it when I was like 6.
>>63471728
Oh shit I read that spider brain stuff too. Weird. Also the only novel I've read of star wars.
>>63467682
>Time is not a good friend.
He should still refer to time as a good friend as he did with Anakin BECAUSE it makes no sense and is ironic.
>>63471688
>missing Clone Commando's infiltrate city while Obi-Wan leads an army against Durge's army.
>>63471804
genndy can only do good 1vs1 fights
>Luke, did I ever tell you about Rey and Finn? Oh boy. It was hard to tell if Rey was a good-looking girl or a squinty, toothy alien grimace. Her appearance seemed to shift between the two depending on certain points of view. Finn was a little wide in the hips for a stormtrooper, and many famous images of him were rather unflattering. You may think be thinking he wasn't a very good friend, but to you I sayAW HELL NAHLuke.
>>63467829
Did Mace just force crush (very much a sith technique) those super battle droids that were in a row?
>>63476202
Mace's fighting style has always been said to border on the Dark Side. Yet they put him on the Council and excluded Qui-Gon.
I watched that movie on netflix yesterday. I don't really care about star wars but it was extremely obvious most of the dialogue about lore were just throwaway lines to give the illusion of depth to that universe. There was no way the prequel trilogy wasn't going to be mediocre when it was to comply to these throwaway lines that may have sounded cool when they made the first flick.
Watch out for that vicious bounty hunter Boba Fett, Luke. Did I ever tell you I fought his dad? He was hired to assassinate a senator me and your father were guarding. We kept bringing her around open windows and public areas in order to draw the would-be assassin out because we knew he had too much pride to just shoot her from long range. He had used his payment to hire another bounty hunter to kill the senator for him while he sent us on a wild bantha chase. Also the 2nd assassin used her payment to buy a robot to assassinate the senator for her. Did I mention the 2nd assassin was a shapeshifter? She could have been a good friend in disguise and just shot the senator for all we knew! Then the robot used its payment to buy poisonous bugs to release into the senator's room while she slept after lasering a hole through the window. It could have just lasered her too after that because we weren't watching her at all, but it already bought the bugs. So we sense the hostile life forms (not the robot) in the room and rush in and save the senator in the nick of time! Then I jumped out the window to chase the robot back to its owner! Luckily it didn't have a self-destruct function. Then we found the 2nd assassin and chased her across the planet, and caught her when she tried to kill us instead of shapeshifting and escaping. But to our surprise, Jango Fett was watching the whole thing instead of going to kill the senator while we were away chasing the bugs chasing the robot chasing the shapeshifter. He shot her with a poisonous dart instead of sniper blaster, and only her instead of shooting all of us or blowing all of us with a rocket or something, then he escaped with his tiny jetpack. Luckily for the senator, my good friend Dexterr Jettster owned a 50s dinner on Courscant that had Republic secrets on the menu along with cheeseburgers and malt shakes. We found the assassin and Mace killed him later, right in front of Boba. And he was a good friend.
>>63477328
Lucas should add this to the next special edition of A New Hope
I like how all of this makes Obi Wan look like a senile Grampa Simpson character who heckles Luke about random inconsequential characters
>Luke
>Luke wake up
>Luke
I'm dying Ben, it's cancer
>Luke wait i didn't tell you about breasts yet
>>63467829
>This was non-canonized because George Lucas was jealous, so he made his own shitty version
>>63470050
I kek'd
>>63477779
I prefer the cgi version.
>>63467801
Brought on an asthma attack.
That was right up Alec Guiness' street, and by street I mean his arsehole, if you get my drift.
>>63476202
Lol, that's not canon. You got that from KoTor. It's just telekinesis. They're droids ffs.
Luke, I don't know what kind of education you have received in this backwater desert planet as a moisture farmer, but if you ever read any sort of historic document on the galaxy you will find a lot of information on many Jedi and Sith lords that have existed before us. Indeed, force users have played a large role in the history of the galaxy, there's a reason the Jedi got to have their own building in the capitol of the republic no less! The current emperor is just another one in a long line of Sith Lords who have commanded their own empires in fact there was a time when the Sith outnumbered the Jedi, they could have taken the galaxy forever but then they killed each other and the survivors decided they should only be two of them, although during the clone wars I encountered a number of other Sith so obviously they didn't follow that rule.
I guess my point is, its incredible how little people in the galaxy know of their own history, to the point where there are people who don't believe in the force! I mean, how can that shit be possible? Sith and Jedi have displayed their use of the force prominently to the public, we're not just some stupid make-believe cult, we can prove the force exists by just making a motherfucker fall down with the force!
Anyway Luke, where I wanted to go with this is, Darth Vader's armour is pretty lame by comparison to the Sith Lords that have come before him, I recommend you use the force to scramble his circuits the next time you fight him. Just like Jedi Master Mace Windu did to turn a super fast assassin cyborg into a coughing coward that I could easily beat with a blaster. He was a good friend.
