>"Hey man, I need a young man for my movie, but I literally have zero dollars, and therefore would need to pay the guy with my dinner leftovers."
>"Sir, there is a perfect person for the job. Food is the only currency he takes now, money is a concept entirely unknown and forgotten to him at this point."
>"Fuck, man! I'm trying to get my remake of Gorillas in the Mist rolling, but so far, I've only got the mist."
>"Your worries are over, my man. She's also interested in a potential King Kong reboot."
>well we need a leading man and wear out of budget. All we have to offer are haircuts from our geriatric hairdresser
>say no more.
Keep'em coming
>"So, the movie requires an actor that is the precise equivalent of a plain cheese pizza, or vanilla ice cream. My aim is to put the audience to deep sleep via this extremely unremarkable actor. But who should we get? My usual guy, Sam Worthington, got evicted from his Hollywood home for not paying the rent years ago."
>"Say no more, sir. He's already on his way to the set."
WE LITERALLY JUST HAD THIS THREAD
>"Our film needs an actor that's so lacking in knowledge of his craft, that he thinks yelling, failing miserably in changing accents and jumping around like a gorilla is fine acting. It'd be also cool if the actor happened to be on suicide watch because of unwarranted, unanswered desires for a reward for his abysmal acting."
>"You can sleep easy, sir. I happen to know the perfect actor for your needs."
>"We'll need a mediocre director with mediocre ideas who doesn't give one toot about how hot his coffee is."
>"I don't know what you mean by this by somehow I have an idea about who to get."
>"I need an actor who is complete shit and who will fuck my wife while I watch and masturbate. He needs to be comfortable with wearing a ton of makeup, but he can't have any range. You probably know who I'm talking about though."
>"Yes, Mr. Burton. Say no more."
>"We're searching for explosions"
>"I'm not following this..."
>"EXPLOSIONS MAN!"
>>63117577
He was such a poor choice for Gangs of NY, it's literally shocking.
>>63120242
Cameron Diaz was also a very shit choice.
Thank God DDL played Bill. Saved the movie and actually made it good.
Is this an epic new meme?
>>63120333
god i love new memeing senpai
>>63120288
Cameron's accent was so awful
she was almost not hot enough for me to let it slide
>get me Jake Gylenhaal
>He's already in the movie sir, signed up for another part.
>shit. Get me Frodo.
>He quit Hollywood and is only doing vanity and art projects.
>Ok, get me some pasty-looking pussy-ass white dude with some name recognition that's willing to work for 10$
>Say no more.
>"I need a leading man for my film who is no more or less than adequate. I don't want it to flop, I just want it to not do very well. I want it to sit in that comfortable area of the box office where it makes enough money that everyone gets paid and I get to keep my career but not so much money that the studio asks me to make a sequel, because they're hard and I don't have any more ideas"
>"I think I know just the chap"
>>63115771
>"Sir, there is a perfect person for the job. Food is the only currency he takes now, money is a concept entirely unknown and forgotten to him at this point."
>"Well, this film I'm trying to make requires an ancient overacting faggot that is hellbent on obliterating what little is left of his reputation and career. It'd be swell if the last relevant movie he made was about 30 years ago."
>"Oh, I've got just the guy on my mind, sir."
>I need an actress with red hair
sorry I'm not good at this and I don't have many pictures saved
>''Hey man, we're making this low-budget schlock movie to launder the mob's money. The script is so fucking bad even Gary Busey wouldn't touch it with a ten-foot pole, and that guy's brain is broken!''
>''Forget about all your troubles, sir, for I have the perfect man for the job.''
>"Hey, we need a long-term out of work actor that is literally starving to death."
>"I've got just the g---ah nah wait, after the role of a lifetime, he's busy."
>We want to save money on casting Wonder Woman.
>Family, I've got it.
>>63120486
I love how the guy talks to the director like if he was in the military
>We need the guy who plays Iron Man, but not a manlet
>Say no more
>I want.... uh, that...guy, I think he's Latino....
>great minds think alike
>I need an actor that goes from stone dead stale acting to a memephoric cheese buffet in 10 secs flat.
>"Wow, wow, wow, awesome man, ive got you covered, time to get the caaaaage on the stageeeeee, woooo!!!"
>We need a group of jobless virgin man children that are afraid of talking to women like in real, have abysmal taste in film, and are still upset that their homemade films didn't receive anything above a D in film school.
>Say no more, sir, I've got just the board for you.
>we need a token mexican
>say no more
>>63119983
kek
>>63122603
also kek
>I need an actress to cast as a secondary character. She needs to have a decent enough presence, but also needs to be able to fade into the background and let the real stars do their thing. Also if she could have some generic "tough chick" traits and give off strong butch lesbian vibes, that would be ideal"
>Sir, it's as if you know exactly who you want to cast for the role, but for some reason see the need to describe her in unnecessary detail without revealing her name
>when you realize you saw this exact same thread with the exact same pictures and replies the other day
>>63125043
Time is a flat circle
>>63122353
Christ, Benicio, Jeff and RDJ could literally be brothers in that pic.
>I need Harrison Ford but my I can only pay him in chocolate buttons
>>63125043
glad it's not just me, i thought i was going insane. the posts are even in a really similar order to the original thread. who the fuck has this kind of time to pull a thread like this?
>>63124919
best in thread
>I need Quasimodo, but real
>I got just the thing, famalamadingdong
>>63122353
JESUS CHRIST
>we're making a new Planet of the Apes movie but we can't afford CGI or prosthetics
>Say no more
>I want to make a great movie and have the single best actor in Hollywood
>>63125457
Stop ruining the game with your talented and charismatic actors
>We need to churn this movie out in like 4 months. We'd like a director that will just completely fuck our shit up and spend more time trying to build a "tortured artist" reputation than direct the movie
>There's a mentally ill man shouting at traffic outside who would be perfect. Let me go try to lure him into the building...
>get me views
>got you fäm
>"I need you to take of your clothes"
>>63125428
KEK
>Get me AIDS
>say no more
>>63125132
made me lost my shit hard lol, imagine fucking paying an actor chocolate buttons for his work
>>63115771
>we need a black guy to play a retired intelligently talking oldfart who is important to the plot but not really
>>63115771
>Alright, I have these 2 separate roles in 2 different movies in mind for the same actor. Thing is, one role calls for a healthy sized guy and the other one calls for a morbidly obese Jew. I was hoping to make these movies back to back. Do you know anyone who has absolutely no control over his weight fluctuations, possibly agitated by a thyroid condition?
>Got it
>we'll need someone whose performance is completely and utterly overlooked by one previous scene
>I have just the guy--for you
>we desperately need an actor who will make no attempt at all to play the character or even act at all and will simply play himself in every role
>It would be ideal if he was an egotistical smug douchebag as well
>don't you worry sir, I know just the man
>>63120799
Somehow the biggest kek yet
>>63117264
Was Jason Clarke busy that week?
