How's your work so far guys?
Still can't decide if my ideas should be novels or screenplays.I've been at this stage for years.
Jk Rowling is a billionaire. The guys who wrote the HP scripts probably made around six-figures.
Be a novelist, they are better writers than screenwriters.
Sitcom writing is harder than i imagined even though it's only 22 minutes. Hoping to finish my first draft in a week.
>>63001526
Hey /tv/. I'm making a script about a junkie. So I would ask, what are some good books or movies to have a general idea of their normal lifes.
Also information about molecular similar drug, like cocaine probably had a similar substitute, or heroin.
>>63001526
I tried to write a grindhouse script about an abortion doctor coming back alive and kill every anti-abortion assassins she could find.
Later I gave up because it's too dark and edgy for me to continue.
>>63004499
check out the film heaven knows what, it came out this year iirc
...he typed, and after pausing for the briefest of moments, hit the submit button.
He sighed deeply. After staring at his keyboard for what seemed a very long time, he took a moment to look around his modestly sized attic "apartment."
He allowed his eyes to wander past the detritus and partially eaten food littering his desk, to the cunny pictures adorning each wall. Mother never came up here anymore, so he could be as open about his fetish as he wanted, safe in his womb-like sanctuary.
Finally, his gaze returned to his computer. His finger hovered above the mouse button for what seemed an eternity, and then...
Click.
The window was closed. /tv/ was gone.
"It's been a good run," he said aloud. His voice cracked from emotion and disuse.
He stood slowly, plump legs quivering with the effort. After pouring himself a glass of boxed wine, he took his fedora off of its rack in the corner of the room and raised a toast to himself.
"To the future," he said, a single tear running down his pimpled, greasy cheek.
>>63001526
Chances are if you're seriously debating this you keep imagining your novels as films playing out in your head and they're probably full of film tropes, in which case they probably won't make very good novels.
There's a lot of difference between novels and films and both medium has much different strengths and weaknesses. It should be obvious.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HxcYTTuRnjE
Made this piece of shit for Finnish Cancer Foundation.
Im supposed to show it finished at friday. Took about 2 days to make.
>>63001526
Try write a novel. Then adapt your own novel into a screenplay.
>>63004625
nodontdothis
>>63004532
>grindhouse script about abortions
>the aborted babies aren't coming back as disfigured infant demon spawns to kill the abortion doctor
literally how do you not write this idea instead?
>>63001526
It's all about the level of conflict in your story. Screenplays, theatre, and prose all deal with conflict in different ways. Novels tend to be more focused on inner conflicts that deal with a character's emotions, contradictory natures and contradictory desires, and so on. Film is more interested in extra-personal conflicts of characters in conflict with their physical or social world. You can't get away with interior monologues or expressing a character's inner thoughts when writing a screenplay, because it's the actions that take precedence.
>>63001526
I had an idea for a script about a would-be school shooter getting tackled by a jock before he even begins, breaking his ribs. Film mainly centers around the jock visiting the shooter while he's stuck in the hospital, and the conversation they have. Get deep into the mindset of a potential killer.
I'm not talented enough to write that, though.
>>63005059
>'what did you think you'd accomplish?'
>"... I didn't..."
>'what! that's a fucking stupid reason, to kill all those people and not even feel accomplished!'
>"... Not everything's about accomplishments, about trophies, about an end-goal... that's what you, the idiot masses, fail to grasp. And you especially. Do you think your high school trophies will mean shit in ten years time? How about fifty? How about when you're dead? You can think you can bring those with you?... Accomplishments are a drug to fool the masses into getting in line... I wanted to leave."
Woah man, that could be like so deep
be sure to mention his piss bottles and trap porn too
>>63005059
At the end the jock should do a school shooting, having now understood the shooters motivations and agreeing with them
>>63005252
I like that idea, but there was really a different model I was going after: The Columbine model.
You've heard that shit that kid said about "wanting to leave a mark on the world"? Doesn't it seem like most shooters follow generally the same idea?
>>63005338
A bit too edgy for my tastes. More like, I want the jock to feel thoroughly shaken, and guilty for ruining the life of someone who didn't seem too terrible beyond, y'know, mass homicide.
>>63005252
too expository, also
>about about about
people rarely talk like that
i write outlines but never flesh them out because i suck at writing
>>63005490
Okay, what about the jock starts to have dream sequences of joining the shooter
It shows a duality of him understanding the evil too well and the guilt of feeling these emotions
>>63005531
the next line was actually going to be the jock mocking him for talking in such a pretentious way so there
:p
I'm writing a script about an alternate 2010, in which the world is fully policed by the UN, with a tactical force consisting of only 6 soldiers in high-tech body armor capable of flight. The film alternates between their relief efforts in Japan during and after the 2010 tsunami and their attempts to quell the emerging civil war in Syria.
>>63005582
it's more that it just doesn't sound like natural dialogue
it's something you see in a cringey youtube manifesto uploaded before the massacre, not when you're explaining yourself in a hospital bed.
What's the jock going to say that isn't going to be counterpoint exposition? What does the viewer get out of the scene?
>>63005787
Actually, I'd like to see the two sides of the shooter in that. Have the bit where he's getting ready to shoot up the school, having his manifesto playing overtop of him entering, and have it abruptly end when he gets slammed into the wall. Then you get down to his core in the hospital bed.
>>63004961
This, Christ anon are you actually retarded
30 pages in, realise I've crammed too many scenes into those 30 pages.
I could carry on writing and flesh it out in rewrites. Just.
>>63007216
DESIGNATED
>>63007479
Well its just out of act one. And what I wanted in act one.
>>63007722
SHITTING
>Want to shoot movies
>Have a couple scripts for shorts ready
>No actors
>Only person that will offer to act is a girl I know
Guess I have to think about a short with only one character starring her right?
>>63008284
My ex would find them for film school online. There's lots of eager actors and they'll work for free. I'm not sure where they got them but they were around film schools.
>>63007216
I rarely see any discussion about the scenes/pages-ratio or any information about how much X different sceneries/Y number of talking roles impacts the budget/production value.
As I understand it, producers welcome "cheap" filmable scripts such as primer-like sci-fi or simple horror/drama.
I have an idea for a script that needs 25-40 (8-10 major), 30-45 talking roles, multiple destinations, etc, and it feels like any producer will look at it and ignore it because of budget concerns.
It doesn't feel like one could write a script for an action/sci-fi films like Commando/Invasion USA/Robocop/Predator and be able to pitch it to hollywood today, even though there's a pretty high demand for such films.
>>63004620
is that even a language or are you meme'ing us?
>>63004499
Live the life of one.
Anyone else have the urge to read a fuckton of literature/history/myths etc. and living life before writing an actual screenplay? A more knowledgeable individual would make for a better writer after all. And as a college student I don't have much time to better myself.
>>63008715
Its finnish.
The narrative basicly tells how we all just flee from the decisions of our life.
"I do it tomorrow - its our favorate lie". etc.
I mix the sound a bit better tomorrow i think.
>>63004499
Trainspotting.
>>63004968
get outta here Robert Mckee.
You can get away with interior monologues. Do it well and its more effective than any expository dialogue.
You can express a characters inner thoughts. Check out Eternal Sunshine, Adaptation, hell even American Psycho. Do the 'actions take precedence'?
This cunt's spouting beginner guidelines like they are rules. Best way to make a film that will blow peoples hair back is to directly fuck with these guidelines. Don't listen to this hack.
>>63008427
I thought about that but I'm still at a very early stage, I don't want to get people involved that think we would be doing anything serious cause I'm not
>>63004355
I also started sitcom writing, only just now finished a shitty first draft after six months. Shit's hard!
>>63009048
>AND GOD HELP YOU IF YOU USE VOICEOVER IN YOUR WORK
I don't think Adaptation's the best example, seeing as it was making fun of that idea.
It is relatively lazy, though.
>>63005059
I had this same idea but I don't think it would work as a feature film in the structure. A short film yes. My main idea was to get into the mindset of someone like an Elliot Rodgers and show the world through his twisted eyes. I like your idea. Try to make it a thirty minute short. Could be very powerful with good actors.
>>63004499
Ecstasy, Trainspotting, pretty much any early 00's film by a Scottish director.
>>63004532
It should be the other around...
>>63008604
I was reading a book by Syd Fields his general rule was one page is about one minute on screen.
This is what gave me the most concern about my 30 pages. I really needed to have done a couple of months of research and character writing and plan, lots and lots of planning of the structure before I even started writing. Oh well, I've learned now and need not make that mistake again.
>>63009168
That general rule only really applies to cinema.
>>63009095
It was making fun of it until Kaufman lathered it all over his next two films. And both of those films benefited massively from it.
The technique is not inherently lazy. It is used by brilliant filmmakers to bring an extra closeness to characters on screen. It is used by lazy writers to to pay off the audience on the writers intended effect.
Don't blame the playa, blame the game
>>63009271
Well i'm writing a full length so thats good/bad.
>>63008946
What you probably need to do is to consume art, let your inner intuition/conscience digest it, abstract what influences you and little by little create, sculp, form your own version of it until you're one day feel satisfied enough to shit it out and display your smelly work to the whole world, whom will in one way or other applaud your marvelous effort while they in the same time critizise the unimagative and fruitless output (unless, of course, you're a man, in which they will totally ignore you {unless, of course, you're a jew, in which they will totally salute you}).
uuhhh
I'm writing a sitcom pilot. Here's most of the first draft, what do you think?
It's gonna be a half-ish hour. Not going for american style 22 job.
Two new-ish housemates take their first steps to musical success from their home town in the west of Ireland.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B5diw79TT2T7Y3ZWTUZGZllMNDA/view?usp=sharing
>>63009168
What's the problem?
If you've written in a too fast pace, simply detail the actions of the characters or describe the sceneries.
If it's the opposite, cut some useless dialogue, shave the unnecessary scenes (anything that isn't necessary to the story).
>>63009284
>It is used by lazy writers to to pay off the audience on the writers intended effect
Explain further?
>>63008946
yeaah man
feel like really I need a solid backing in english, good understanding of the classics, great understanding of art movements, appreciation of a large number of art forms like music/painting/theatre...etc. Solid learning of mythologies/philosophy/spirituality. And of course a fucking encyclopaedic knowledge of film.
But instead of that, I'm a 19 year old has been.
Fuck.
>>63009481
Problem is: There are too many necessary scenes. If I extended the scenes it'll take too long getting to act two.
You are right thou, I just need to start trimming,combining and extending other scenes. But should I just soldier on until i'm finish the whole screenplay first?
>>63004579
>...he typed, and after pausing for the briefest of moments, hit the submit button.
I am getting strongh readings on " The Grubby Apartment Story" straight out of the Lexicon.
>>63004532
>I tried to write a grindhouse script about an SWJ coming back alive and kill every poo poster assassins she could find.
>Later I gave up because it's too dark for me to continue and also bestowed upon me the title of Grand Edgelord.
Fixed that for you. And what could possibly go wrong? Two days with search-and-replace and then update your wardrobe for that Oscar dinner.
>>63009637
Writing is a process unique to each artist. You do it with your own method. As long as you're working, it doesn't matter how you do it, right?
Some prefer to start small, with a rough idea, a sketch and little by little pencil a script out of it, while others write a full length script and then re-writes it until it's done.
What you need is probably some basic input, from a friend or relative, on what you've done good and what needs improvement. That also gives you a motive to finish it if thats what you need.
I don't know how to write good conversations... any advice?
>>63009525
Well that is the reason its a guideline in the first place, because bad writers would tell the audience what the character was thinking instead of showing what the character was thinking. You can't use a shit voiceover and get away with it, it needs to benefit the story directly. Just don't see it as a rule because a bunch of films benefit from creative voiceover/narration, and if you've got an interesting take on it its bound to be interesting.
Good examples of voiceover to check out from the top of my head,
American Beauty
Scorsese films (goodfellas/casino/wows/taxi driver etc)
Assassination of Jesse James
Double Idemnity
Memento
The Third Man
A Clockwork Orange
American Psycho
Bad examples
Forrest Gump
Dances With Wolves
Titanic
21
Dune
Max Landis' recent failures have stopped me from going on and starting my screenplay. If he can't make it, I'm sure as hell fucked, pretty discouraging desu.
>>63009835
Start taking notes of conversations you hear daily, whether it be talking to a family member or something you hear on the bus, write it down and notice the tone in which things are said. Do that enough and you will write good conversation. Tarantino says he gets it from just being observant on how he and his friends talk.
>>63009875
fuck off shill
>>63009803
Thanks for the advice.
>>63009477
Capitalize characters when you introduce them.
Don't waste our time. Those first three lines only need to be "BRIAN (25, douchebag-face) is on the phone."
Cute joke on the first page. It could be cleaned up a bit. I usually see CUT TO: on the right side of the page or parentehicals in their own line, but I understand it. But seeing as you're always using parentheticals, either take them out (the actors will know how to react), or give them their own line. Sometimes they're completely unnecessary: "(key-turning-in-the-lock look as he recognizes Brian’s voice). We already know the Barman is giving that look when he says "that's where I know you from." We get all the information we need from the dialogue, so don't clog it unnecessarily with these parentheticals.
(2)
How do you mean, the internet has died? Do we see this? Are you just informing the readers? Don't say things that we can't see or hear. We will figure out what the scene is about through the dialogue/actions.
(3)
I think there's a good joke about Pokemon porn here, but you're wording it wrong. To just say "do you know how much erotic fan art there is for that show" is just saying the joke. We already are assuming it in the line before when he says "I know well about the internet" and "Pokemon was my favorite show." But then you kill the joke when he just mentions "erotic fan art."
You need to reformat these FLASH ON. Why are they put in the dialogue?
(7)
This is a good set-up, plot-wise. 7 pages might be a little long, but for a sitcom with minimal scenes, it might be fine. I'm not too sure. I think I'm just worried because it's mostly dialogue and it's not funny enough.
So far, it seems like it'd be a multi-camera sitcom, but I don't know what you're going for.
(9)
I think you have way too many of these flashes and very few of them work well.
>>63009835
People never say what they really want or how they really feel. But how they say it reveals what they feel.
>>63009477
Not bad, but generally you don't put shots into the script. You write it so that anyone could potentially make it.
I dunno though, that's just what I've heard.
Here's my (as of yet unfinished) short script.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B6uwaxNQt5HRWnJMcEMzcVIxZjQ/view?usp=sharing
>>63010160
ta-da!
When I'm writing for the screen, I have this curse that makes me write for a film that I'd be able to produce, and therefore, the story is small in scale, budget, and overly simplistic and doable for an indie filmmaker like myself. I can never write anything producible by anyone other than me and it sucks.
So I write novels sometimes because of this. And I get about half-way through and lose all inspiration. I seriously have four or five 50,000 word half-novels on this computer that I'll probably never finish.
It sucks.My current project is a Minecraft children's book, so I don't have to put too much effort in on crap like that. Plus I know it'll sell, so we'll see...
>>63009837
Alright, thanks.
>>63010272
minecraft always sell
>>63010131
thank you very much, this exactly the kind of criticism I've been hoping for.
We're making it kind of mockumetaty shoulder cam style, sans talking heads. Like Party Down. I dunno, maybe the characters should be interacting with more people and making fools out of themselves more.
>>63010165
It's for a college project, it's doubling as our shooting script.
>>63010367
Nice, be sure,to post it here when you're done.
>>63010165
If it's a short, things need to move fast.
I've read about a hundred scripts that start with someone waking up. I don't think there's anything inherently bad with it, but it's so common that it's an amateur move. Worse, we don't really learn much about these two characters in these three pages. The only thing I can say about Jack is that he doesn't like getting woken up in the middle of the night.
You could start your script in the garage and nothing would change. We get a visual of a groggy Jack and get what's going on.
Lines like "It’s this weird prototype I stole from the lab I’ve been janitoring at" feel off. Like, I'd rather not have an explanation than one that feels half-assed.
Other than that, it's hard to say since it's just the beginning.
>>63010272
theres already a bunch of minecraft children's books
how do you know yours is going to stand above theres?
>>63010165
try to change those buzzwords
>>63010473I'm a semi-famous YouTuber
>>63004499
Just listen to Alice in Chains discography, watch old concert vids, the MTV special, read about Laynes death and the death of that other big grunge singer who roomed with Chris Cornell in the early 90's
>>63010497
Which buzzwords?
>>63010470
Thanks, I needed this. I have a really bad habit of posting things before they're finished.
>>63010510
I'm sorry for asking
Recently finished a first draft of a teen drama I've been working on.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B6tIEdgKGhKXWEVudm1CQ25uYVU
It's probably too "lolsorandumb" and a little too silly to be taken dramatically. Not sure where to get feedback.
>>63010165
Take this as you please but I feel like I can give you a little advice.
Don't use characters aged 18-25, almost every short film has them and 90% of the time its an instant turn off for festival executives.
Starting off a short with a character waking up in bed is cliche and over-done as hell. (Neverminding the messy bedroom, the half baked dialogue, or the 'secret stolen object'.)
"Alright, I'll open it for you" is unnatural there. Seems weird considering he doesn't know where Lewis is at that point. Jack seems to take Lewis phoning him in the morning and demanding he goes to his garage a bit too well.
You trying to tell me that somebody invented teleportation, and nobody cares about it being stolen. No-one is overly cautious about the biggest scientific discovery of all time? Nevermind an 18 year old janitor? At what, a theoretical physics lab?
Not to put you off or anything, but I'm 50/50 on whether this is entirely a troll script, except I saw the idea on here a while ago. He's gonna rob a bank or something right? Ok well if you are serious, do not write this. This is a shit idea. Unless you make this a comedy, which it isn't, this is just a bad premise and there's nothing you can do with it. Nobody can buy into it, and I'm pretty sure you need to learn alot more about films before making a short, because this is riddled with clichés and generally lazy writing. Watch like 50 award winning short films, and then see if you want to do this. Read a shitload of books, read screenplays, read film analysis online. You don't have to listen to me, its just this idea for a short is bad. Sorry
>>63010658
Nah, I actually was unsure of the idea even though I'd been thinking about it for a while.
And you can bet your ass that if this was a troll script, I'd have been way worse.
>>63010658
I think he just needs practice and to finish it. Sure the premise isn't that great nor is the writing, but there is a learning curve. You do get better by writing. If you spend your whole time analyzing, researching, reading and never actually writing, you can't improve.
>>63004499
Watch drugs inc, the nat geo show
>>63001526
>tfw already directing commercials
Get on my lvl scrub
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wIsv5mW6eKI
>>63010824
See, there's my problem: I've been trying to write shit for a while, and it never gets better. I've learned formatting well enough, but my actual ideas and writing turn out like that or (more likely) worse.
I keep thinking visually. I know what I want the short to look like, but I never think about what they're talking about.
>>63010898
kek'd
>>63010927
Should add to this, any time I try to write a silent script, it just comes out looking clunky.
Trying to work on my college stoner flick (based on real events sorta but adding a fantasy twist). Here is the first 3 pages.
>>63010927
Yeah it's a tough gig. Usually I don't start a script unless I really feel like I need to say something. From there, the characters and story come. I don't really know what your story was about, but sometimes it's better to start with a character than a story.
A good character is always better than a good plot.
>>63010764
I've come up against professional grade troll scripts before, always wary.
>>63010824
Oh yeah, I'd definitely recommend finishing the script at least. Try a bunch of ideas and you'll be well equipped for when the truly great idea comes along.
>>63010927
I had the same problem when I was around 19, couldn't get the pen to paper but I could think up creative great new shots daily. At the end of it all story is king, and if you have a story that works really well your visuals will improve too. Think of a simple story from your family, or from your childhood. If you know the story inside and out you can't help but make a good short. Something emotional has the added benefit of actually involving the audience, while a story devoid of any pain is a story that will not make your audience care.
Last thing, your film should be exposing a truth. A truth you know better than anyone else. Every film does this, from Fast 7's 'family is everything' to 2001, give your film some meaning.
>>63011122
The closest thing I have to a decent character idea is the school shooter in my earlier idea >>63005059, and like I said up there I don't think I'm talented enough to write that.
>>63010764
for troll scripts, please see here
>>63011037
>>63011183
See, now I'm feeling more and more inspired to actually go through on the shooter idea, since I remember having that idea and just sorta sitting in shock because I knew it could be extremely powerful if I did it right.
>>63011326
Do it. It also works as an advert to investors for a feature film if you do it well enough. If I lived in America and came up with that idea I'd be writing it. Do it nothing held back, no holds barred. Completely unapologetic and unrestrained. That is how to make a short that will blow people back, and you've already done the hardest part, finding an idea. You want to be a filmmaker? Prove it.
>>63011512
>You want to be a filmmaker? Prove it.
Damn, I actually feel motivated now.
Thanks, anon.
>>63011548
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXsQAXx_ao0
>>63004562
>>63008971
>>63009131
>>63010541
>>63010859
thanks guys.
>>63011548
Motivation will last for a while, in that time get acquire discipline. Write at least 5 lines a day, no matter how shit, and in a month you'll have a script. Then you redraft, and redraft, and redraft. And the more times you redraft, and the longer you think about how to capture it, the better it will be. I hate writing, its not cathartic or even enjoyable. But if you get a little right at a time you get the feeling you're making something worthwhile, which is the feeling most people strive for in life.
Reposting this cause it's my favorite piece of screenwriting advice:
http://movieline.com/2010/03/23/david-mamets-memo-to-the-writers-of-the-unit/
>BUT NOTE:THE AUDIENCE WILL NOT TUNE IN TO WATCH INFORMATION. YOU WOULDN'T, I WOULDN'T. NO ONE WOULD OR WILL. THE AUDIENCE WILL ONLY TUNE IN AND STAY TUNED TO WATCH DRAMA.
>HERE ARE THE DANGER SIGNALS. ANY TIME TWO CHARACTERS ARE TALKING ABOUT A THIRD, THE SCENE IS A CROCK OF SHIT.
>>63012152
I'm writing now, and writing a "final letter" from a killer is freaking me out a little. Still, it's the first time I've actually felt uncomfortable writing, and I feel like I'm actually saying something.
>>63012232
>Zodiac
>much of the movie is two people talking about the Zodiac killer
that advice is a crock of shit
has anybody got any torrents for one of the newer versions of Fade In Pro. I'm stuck on one of the early versions.
>>63012562
Research mass murderers, their reasoning and any last messages they had. Strong subject matter.
>>63012656
well they're chasing a killer so naturally they have to talk about him. mamet means that don't hide character exposition like a retard.
>>63001526
Well I'm writing a novel but that's not /tv/-related.Even though it's based on something /tv/-related.
>>63009875
Landis has had two of his scripts turned into big budget studio movies with popular actors just this past year. Regardless of how well they were received, if he hasn't "made it" at this point I'd like to hear your opinion about the point at which someone does.
I'd say the simple act of getting assignments that net you some thousands of dollars a piece is "making it" as a screenwriter, let alone writing shit that gets picked up by big studios
So, how many features/pilots have you guys written? I mean, I know every writer is different, but how many does it take before you start to get a hang of it?
>>63010654
>>63010654
Bump!
Is it just not interesting? Those first pages are important to grip a reader. If they ain't no good, the rest won't be either.
>>63013407
I'm having the shooter do his final message as a voiceover while we see him getting ready to shoot shit up.
Looking at it, I feel like it'd be more effective if I didn't have the voiceover.
>>63016391
I mean, what could a shooter really say? That the world is unfair? That he's mad? That he can't control himself? Shit we already know from living life.
last bump
>>63004499
Nice triple doubles.
Pay some junkies to hang out with them for a few days. Where do you live if you dont mind me asking?
