ITT: times you freaked mom like the jokester
>>71902313
>be me
>get home after a long day riding around on the train, staring freakishly at cute girls
>take off my purple joker dinner jacket and throw it humourously onto my bedroom floor
>notice how worn the fabric is
>it's covered in rips and brown stains and still reeks of the time I spilled one of my piss jars on it
>pick up the jacket and inhale deeply
>remember all the funny times I've had wearing the jacket
>put it back on, one last time
>one final joke
>stride hilariously out of my room
>travel up the corridor
>creep into my mother's room to ask her to drive me to the shops so she can buy me another white dinner jacket I can dye purple
>my mother is on the bed, four fingers plunging furiously in and out of her quivering vagina
>she's shocked but too close to cumming to stop
>about to back out but the jacket infuses me with the spirit of the joker
>leap onto the bed and whip out my phimosis encrusted dick
>stab wildly at my mothers engorged labia, ejaculating my dark grey semen all over her hand
>collapse on top of her, whimpering "m-mom's gonna... f-freak"
>take the jacket off my face
>I'm actually lying in a gutter
>covered in shit and garbage
>my mom kicked me out six months ago due to my NEET lifestyle
>pop the collar on my crusty tie dye dinner jacket
>point my fingers to the stars like a gun
>fire the gun and bring my finger to my lips and blow
>"See you, space cowboy..."
>tense my bowels as hard as I can and shit diarrhoea down my legs for warmth as I roll over for the night
>it's going to be a long winter
>>71902313
>last week
>mom makes me tendies
>"I made these from scratch, they're much healthier than those microwave ones you eat all the time"
>when she leaves the room, give them to the dog
Ha ha dumb bitch
>>71902395
D E V I L I S H
E
V
I
L
I
S
H
>mom makes me paint my room
>write "ur a bitch" on the wall first
>she never finds out
Ha ha dumb whore now it's there forever just like she's a bitch forever for throwing out my ICP sheets.
>>71902395
>>71902580
This is just too insane!
>mom tells me to get off the computer and go to bed at 11:30
>change the time 15 minutes behind
lol
>>71902580
You went too far man
>>71902624
>stepdad calls me into his den
>tries to tell me some bullshit about how even though he's not my real father he still loves me as though I'm his real son
>roll my eyes
>"So what you're saying is you're in love with me?"
Pffft, what a faggot
>wake up one day and decide to get mischievous
>get one of those plastic spider rings and cut the ring part off
>tape the plastic spider to the wall
>call mom into the bedroom, tell her there's a spider
>shefreaks out
>memorial day
>grandpa takes us to the Vietnam War memorial
>"Hey gramps if these guys were so brave how did they get beat by rice farmers?"
>he just sighs and turns away from me
Stupid old fuck no one even cares about Vietnam anyway lol
>mom asks if I'm going to get a job
>"yeah"
>"I'm so happy for you. You know your father and I just get so worried about you, always alone down here and--"
>"--A BLOWjob!"
You better damn believe she freaked.
>>71902740
hey. that's not cool dude.
>>71902580
Dud, not even the Joker would do that. He loved his mom.
>>71902794
mom?
are you freaked right now?
here is mine
> go to the gym
> crop dust all the cardio bunnies
> leave because im too intelligent to lift weights
>at the vape shop
>my droogs (been calling them that since January when we saw Clockwork Orange) Pauly and Cheeto are chilling
>Pauly asks if I want to try this new juice
>it's cherry vanilla
>tastes sweet as hell
>I load up a cartridge of pineapple flavor and tell Cheeto it's cherry vanilla
>he coughs so hard his fedora comes off
>the droogs know I'm unpredictable like that so it's chill
>my mom comes in from the arts and crafts store
>she's pissed off that j was smoking
>tell her I didn't smoke
>says I'm a good son and she'll make extra tendies tonight
>she doesn't know that just because I don't smoke doesn't mean I didn't vape
dumb bitch maybe if u were smarter dad wouldn't have left
>mum tells me that my dyed green hair looks stupid
>plan revenge
>go to the kitchen and empty her black pepper shaker
>fill it with white pepper instead
she hasn't used it yet but she'll freak when she finds out
>>71903115
That's fucking nuts man its gonna look just like salt
>>71903115
a person this naturally strategic is going to lead men and change history one day
i am a little afraid of you to be honest
>>71902379
>stride hilariously out of my room
kek
>at school
>learning about world war 2
>teacher puts on holocaust footage
>I start laughing halfway through
>sent to principals office
>sent home
>mom is driving me back
>"Your great grandma lived through the holocaust, I thought you would have some respect for your past."
>"FUCK my past."
>she tries not to cry for the rest of the drive
Women right?
>>71903132
>this fucking thread
Letto
>What a Rascal!
>>71903243
whats the big deal? it didnt even really happen
>>71902313
LIGHTS
I
G
H
T
S
>>71903324
CAMERAS
>mom works at home so i'm never alone and never have free time
>have a curtain over my doorway so she doesn't walk by my room quietly while i'm shitposting and watching porn
>take my adderal and get a massive boner
>masturbate with my door open and my mom working in the room next to mine
>don't wash my hands and make her a drink as she requested when she rang my good boy bell
>she doesn't even catch me
>>71902379
>>71903388
D A S T A R D L Y
A
S
T
A
R
D
L
Y
What do you guys think of my new pants?
>>71903945
Don't let mom catch you wearing those!!
>>71903056
ABSOLUTE INSANE
>About to cross the road
>Don't look both ways
I don't give a fuck
>>71904040
Dude that's legitimately dangerous, you could get seriously hurt
>this thread
Has joker posting gone TOO FAR? I'm seriously scared by some of you guys.
>be at church
>everytime the priest says "Jesus" or "the lord" I whisper "fuck you"
I think my mom heard me but I dont care, i'm legit crazy
>>71902313
I think the role is starting to affect Letos sanity. He went too deep.
>>71904163
> priest tells congregation to close their eyes for prayer
> i keep my eyes open
>put mom's name in my phone as DUMB BITCH
>when she rings me up at school to let me know what time she can pick me up I always roll my eyes and tell my jokester clown posse "hold up lol, that DUMB BITCH is calling me" then I'm super rude and sarcastic to her because I'm so euphoric and reject all morality and social norms
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
A
H
A
H
A
H
A
H
A
H
A
H
A
>Go to bed at my agreed bed time
>wake up and get dressed and ready for school
>brush my teeth
>do my chores
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
>>71904297
wow you went too far on that one
>>71904297
This guy is off the rails everybody avoid replying to him, for your own safety
>mom's friend Jamal is over
>dad's off in his shed (probably cos he hates niggers lol)
>Jamal fistbumps me on his way up to mom's bedroom
>flip him off and whisper "dumb wog" under my breath after he's gone
>run to the bathroom to wash my hand with anti-bacterial wash so I don't get coon cooties
Looks like the Joke...
*dons sunglasses*
...was on him!
>>71902313
>be me
>everyday i put flour on my face and look in the mirror
>abeautifulday.mp3
>cackle manically as a use a knife to eat my cornflakes
>feed the dog...catfood
>at school i lift my bag over my head ten times before going into a room to show my strength.
>you think your crazy, just try messing with me
>years of pent up psychological issues being reinforced by social isolation
>i listen to system of the down really loud to get into character.
>wear shiney loafers and purple dress shirts
>see kid with batman shirt on
> walk up to him
>girl comes close, his gf
>i look at him straight in the shirt,
> he knows the power of a twisted mind
>he keeps walking as a pass him pretending to laugh and talk with gf.
> we both know he came very close to dancing with the devil in the pale moonlight.
>go home, watch dark knight twice before saying my prayers to the green god, who i am a vessel for.
>shit pants.
>walk dinosaur with spaghetti and then eat the spaghetti cos 3 fiddie memes and lol
> end.
>2011
>be 15
>want Tyler the Creator/Odd Future tickets
>don't have job
>ask mom to buy them $25
>she says no because I broke some guy's window with a baseball and mom had to pay it off
>get pissed, kick my door and call her a cunt
>sulk in room listening to tyler's song "kill people burn shit fuck school" and get inspired
>steal antifreeze in garage and pour it in her morning coffee the next day
>she grabs it and puts it on the table
>have a moment of clarity about what the fuck I'm about to do
>just before she drinks it "accidentally" bump into her
>coffee spills everywhere, she's pissed, go clean it up
>she never finds out about it
>>71904448
I'd appreciate it if you were to censor the o in w*g we're not all as madcap as you
>>71904448
>Looks like the Joke...
>*dons sunglasses*
>...was on him!
this isnt even how this meme works
>>71904683
Is this actually true
>>71904683
MOMS GONNA CROAK!
>be 14
>dad tells me to mow the yard
>only mow 95% of the grass
>mum tells me to get a job and pretending to be the joker
>stupid bitch ill show you whos pretending
>asks me to make her a coffee
>proceed to make her coffee but with one important extra ingredient
>whip out my dick and piss into her coffee
>serve it too her
>mmmm anon this is great thanks
hee hee hoo hoo
>>71902395
Holy shit dude.
>>71904683
ABSOLUTE MADMAN
>>71904163
>we are supposed to be on our knees
>my bottom is so fat in those narrow benches that it still sits on the bench, it's almost as I'm sitting while we are to be kneeling
>no one notices
>>71905646
S N E A K Y
>>71903945
Holyshit, is there someone that really use these?
>>71904464
>feed the dog... Cat food
Good lord I haven't laughed that hard in a while
>peed in a plastic container
>wrote Apple Piss on a sticker
>put sticker on container
>put container in the fridge at my work place
>made sure only the Apple word was visible to someone looking in the fridge
Mom's gonna freak! She works at the same place I do.
I would love it if Joker actually said "mom's gonna freak" in the movie.
>go near tattooed bearded biker dude
>ask him "When you ride, do you go at your own pace?"
>I run away laughing
>Go At Your
>I called a scary Hell's Angel biker gay
>I'm an absolute madman!
>mom tells me to bring her some tap water
>I bring mineral water instead
>mom ask me what I want for lunch
>I say pizza rolls
>I actually wanted tendies
Looks like mom's been tricked again! HAHAHAHA
>be me
>shit myself
>be a server
>customer ask for a couple of napkins
>i bring 3
Muahahaha
>be britbong jokester
>vote for Britain to leave the EU
>£££ devaluates and government goes into ANARCHY as soon as the results come in
Mum totally freaked.
>go up to a bunch of black kids
>try to concince them that their race is shitty
>get beat up and put in hospital
>mom STILL dosent know I browse /pol/
>>71903243
YOU FUCKING DISGUSTING JEW
>>71905022
>Not using sperm
>>71902379
I didn't know this could get better.
>>71908573
>lel I'll use a 3 hour chart to make the drop look super scary
gg kid
These are all pathetic.
>friend posts #blacklivesmatter
>tell him #alllivesmatter
Hee hee hee ho ho ho
>>71910009
You don't get the joke
That is genuinely fucked up.
>>71902395
>not spitting on them before giving them to the dog
and you call yourself a joker
>at school
>get assigned book report
>I pick Huckleberry Finn because I can say "nigger"
>teacher thinks I just like Mark Twain
Wait'll they get a load of me!
>mom says dinner will be ready soon
>sneak into the kitchen and eat a cookie
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH JUST TRY TO STOP ME
>go to laundromat
>i wash my socks with dark clothes
>at breakfast
>mom asks how I want my eggs
>tell her I want cereal today
>"What kind"
>"serial KILLERS"
WELCOME TO THE MADHOUSE HA HA HA HAAAAA
>kid annoys me
>kill kid
>Leave his body on the front proch of his house so that his parents get arrested
>They get death penalties and his brother goes to juvie for being an accomplice
>mfw
>memorial day weekend, no class on Monday
>when I leave, tell everyone at school "see you next tuesday!"
>see=c
>you=u
>next=n
>tuesday=t
>called people cunts all day
>got away with it
WHO'S REALLY RUNNING THE ASYLUM, THE INMATES OR THE GUARDS HEE HEE HEEEEEE
>>71902313
>the Suicide Squad song isn't by 30 Seconds To Mars feat. Will Smith
What were they thinking?
>>71912205
I'd say "it's not 2005 anymore" but then again it doesn't seem the producers knew that either.
Why'd you paint your face, bro? Why you being the Joker duude??
>>71902379
Directed by M. Night Shyamalan
>>71902313
>mom crying in the kitchen again
>lol dumb bitch
>take the last tendies of the batch
>scream at her to make more as i go back to my room
>come back for more tendies at 3 am
>she is gone, so is the car
>its been 2 days, she is going to pay when she comes back
>Dinner time at the Jokers household
>Brother has brought round his GF so wear my best purple dinner jacket which perfectly goes with my pale skin from hours of indoor jokering
>get called for dinner and skeddadle into the dinner table whilst doing a funny walk
>pull a chair out for my brothers new gf, as shes the first to the table
> She goes to sit down pull the chair back full force causing her to fall
>Bangs her head on the dinner table as she goes down, realise this prank is too funny
>Begin to laugh manically as I skip into the kitchen where the rest of my family of jokers reside, try to tell them the story but my hysterical laughter is too much so can't get my words out
>Family leave to the dining room and I hear a loud shriek from mummy joker as she finds my silly prank, army crawl back into the dining room and roll around laughing
>Dads checking her pulse whilst screaming for an ambulance, guessing he wanted more people to see my prank
>Brother punches me like funny guy he is and I fall in a comical fashion
>Turns out my bros gf split her head open and died from the trauma, all for a hysterical cause
>Posting this from my mental asylum where I plan my next great prank hehe
>>71903132
i'm fucking dying
>>71902395
>there are people who eat oven-baked/microwaved tendies instead of owning a small personal deep fryer
absolutely despicable
>been a big joker fan
>at college
>decide it's time I get my own Harley Quinn
>kidnap cute blonde aussie girl from my class
>use chloroform, so she pass out
>put some make up on her face so she looks like Harley
>smile at myself because the torture to turn her insane is about to start
>start jerking off to her face
>but the tip of my dick on her mouth
>feelsgood.jpg
>laughing like a madman
>hear a noise
>pic related
>it's da bolice
>FUG
>they break in
>arrest me
>meet my nigga Tyrone in prison
>we plan a riot
>when fighting ensues we escape prison
Worth it.
>>71910009
>post #blacklivesmatter
>'not to me' think to myself though
Do you think my friends suspect something?
>>71912359
You know as painfully awkward as that was to watch, those guys were being as nice as they could given the circumstances.
>>71911899
>>71911998
>>71912067
>>71912082
>>71912163
I guess some men really DO just want to watch the world burn.
>>71912611
I expected a twist where she bit off your dick.
>>71912732
that bitch is cute who is she?
>>71912871
>Do you want to know how I've got those scars?
>called someone reddit because I disagreed with them and I was losing an argument
>abandon thread permanently
Now they'll never know I was from rebdit all along. They're going to keep refreshing for those (You)s, but what they don't know is I'm long gone.
>>71902313
Mom cant eat pizza now hahahaha
>be me
>at the mall
>take the down escalator...BACKWARDS
WHAT'S THE MATTER MR. AND MRS. CONFORMITY? SYSTEM SHAKEN UP MUCH?
>>71903132
>everyone upsetti
>>71912468
>there are people out there that actually eat enough deep fried food to warrant owning a fucking deep fryer
Your doctors gonna FREAK
>>71904683
new antifreezants are not poisonousbecause people acturall drink them
>>71902313
I will be laughing like a madman when his perfomance turns up to be mediocre.
>>71902313
Post more spoopy Jared for inspiration
>>71915541
>>there are people out there that actually eat enough deep fried food to warrant owning a fucking deep fryer
See... it's shit like this that make me think none of you faggots have even met actual niggers in your fucking lives, much less be friends with any.
>>71902379
>Throw it humourously onto my bedroom floor
kek
>>71915284
>>71902695
>tfw nobody replies to my story
>>71917294
maybe you weren't as jokery as you thought anon
>>71917294
Jokes on you, i typed in invisible ink
>>71903115
Reported
>first day at school
>teacher asks my name
>"Justin"
>"Justin what?"
>"JUSTIN SANE"
HAHAHAHA
>be me
>halloween last year
>get dressed to go out trick or treating
>mom says "Arent you a little old to be trick or treating?"
>tell her to fuck off im only 34
>walk to my neighbors porch
>see candy bucket
>"please take one"
>dump the whole fucking bowl in my bag
>let out a sinister laugh as the children behind me look at the empty bowl dumbfounded
>>71903115
>Only a fool would take what is written here as true.
No one's that crazy
>>71902379
Holy fuck dude
>>71904265
TOO FAR
O
O
F
A
R
>mom calls me for dinner
>shout back "COMING!"
>I wasn't coming ever
>>71904683
Shoulda yelled, "FREEEZE"
>>71905646
God noticed.
>>71912163
NOW I KNOW WHY THEY CALL HIM THE JOKER
>>71902379
>be me
Get out.
>I'm coming home from school salaciously slurping MONSTER, my favourite energy drink
>Mom won't let me have any but I save my lunch money and buy it on the way home anyway
>Just turning the corner before the bush I hide the cans in to save up and send off for the awesome MONSTER brand shorts
>mom sees me with the can and tells me I'm grounded
>I scream at her in the street, call her a cunt and kick my stepdad in the shin
>Martin (I refuse to call him dad) grabs me by my sick gelled spikes and drags me into my room
>I spend the rest of my time while grounded picking my nose and wiping it in conspicuous but inconvenient places
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
fucking normal people, they will never be able to deal with a twisted psychopath like meand they never found my can stash
>>71919001
>>71918608
I guess he's the bigger joker of all of us.
>>71902313
I'm just going to assume he is like that nerdy kid who thinks throwing a leather jacket on and strutting makes him a badass.
I'm going to miss these threads. 2-3 months after this movie comes out these threads won't be around anymore. They'll go away just like Drive threads.
>>71919276
I doubt these will last as long as drive
those were around for about 2-3 years
>>71919359
Thats why I said they'll be gone after 2-3 months. Or are you trying to Joker me by making me repeat myself?
>>71919392
>They'll go away just like Drive threads.
I was saying they won't have the longevity of drive threads
>>71918898
>not recognizing a phrase that's been on 4chan longer than you have
You have to go back
>>71919577
Got you! you fell for it, you were hornswaggled, you took a trip on the ruse cruise, you were deceived and aggrieved!
>be me
>posting on 4chan
>decide to spread a little mayhem
>go to reddit
>post "ha ha u r fags who love trannies /b/ was here fuck reddit"
YOU'RE ALL JUST PUPPETS, I'M THE ONE WHO CUTS THE STRINGS
>>71920436
MOMS
can someone explain the moms gonna freak maymay to me? where did it come from
yes my little roaches..... keep typing fake stories.................
>>71920828
The Batman with Michael Keaton. Before Bruce's parents are mugged, he screams "Don't! Momma's gonna freak!"
>>71914755
DELETE THIS
>>71920828
>can someone explain the moms gonna freak maymay to me? where did it come from
I think it's from this video (April 2015)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LPJ8b7zwa98
>>71903945
RADIOLOGICAL, Broheme.
>checking out at the mall
>cashier tells me to "have a good day"
>i didn't
>mom tells me to take out the trash
>agree to do so with a twisted "yes"
>go upstairs
>dump trash on the ground
>"HAHA Oh I thought you meant out of the can, not outside!"
>walk away laughing while Prego stains the carpet
>>71906740
ravers. in context it totally works, i promise. it's like a different world.
>>71912376
>telling lies on the internet
ABSOLUTE
MADMAN
A
D
M
A
N
>>71912359
what's this about?
>>71921982
94 seconds anon. It doesn't seem like much does it?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GsbIdSGwoEs
>>71904683
>not watching her drink half the cup while smiling and giggling and when she questions what you're laughing about, you reveal the canister of antifreeze and start laughing harder and harder as it dawns on her what has just happened
it's as if you fucking clowns don't even know how to make your mothers freak
>>71902313
Does anyone actually think suicide squad looks good? Not even the joker looks good in it. Like how do you even fuck that up?
>>71922707
Jason = Joker is all I care about
>>71922051
That wasn't nearly as bad as I expected it to be, that jock guy seemed like a pretty cool fellow
>>71902740
I hope your grandfather beat the shit out of you nigger
>>71918507
>mom calls me for dinner
>shout back "COMING!"
>I was literally finishing jerking off
>She never. Even. Knew.
>>71923063
How, he couldn't even beat some rice farmers.
>walking down the street
>feelin a bit crazy
>stop at the red light
>take the first step just before the light turns to green
>look the guy behind me dead in the eye while grinning
>let out a cackling laughter while yelling "red light? more like bored light!"
aaaannnnddd ACTION!
>Leto: I'm all crazy I put a dead squirrel in the break room! Mwahaha! Look, I have a bullet in my pocket! AHAHAHAHA!
Leto if you don't calm the fuck down I'm going to have all the interns beat you with every extension cord I can find.
>Leto: S-sorry.
>>71903386
I
N
S
A
N
I
T
Y!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hello, retard here. I basically hate everyone, lol. I am unable to say things like “Man what an awesome play,” while watching the game because I find it too boring to watch — I have no interest in makeing due references to pop culture phenomena, like saying catchphrases or talking about a players stats. I lack the cognitive capacity to carry on a small conversation or appreciate the novelty of briefly interacting with another human being. I cant even laugh and be like “lol, excelent commercial” because I despise the cunts who skate through college and suck their way up the corporate dick ladder so they can make an advertisement with a funny “premise” or slogan that they probably thought of 5 minutes before the big meeting because they were out gold digging for a nice rich cock instead of working on their project that night. Fuck this culture, fuck your team I hope they lose, and fuck u. Your favorite player is a faggot and your gay. Die die die die die die die I hope you get roofie raped and then shot in the back of the head at the night club, which I wish I coukd rig with C4 and laugh from a roof top as I blow it up with a sick remote just like the Punisher does in Punisher 2003 and laugh hsterically as all the drug addled and drunk retards scram around mindlessly crying for their lives and saying stuff like “What kind of sicko would do something like this.”. I would, and just did, you retarded fucking sheeple.,
You guys don't actually do these things to your mom, right?
>>71923723
If only thats how they handled things on set.
Got it all planned out — it is quite perfect. I`ve been running MW3 to keep the twitch reflexes in check, and have also been extensivly playing Battle Field just as a reminder that you gotta lead moving targets, and that guns just don`t shoot magic laser bullets lol. I`ve recently come across an abandowned warehouse 1-2 mi. away from my current undisclosed location, and I`ve turned it into a kill house, full of mazes & targets — with a soda bottle taped to the muzzle, no one can hear me conducting by own special recipe of tactical training haha. Also custom mapped the building in Source engine editor, making sure to set the +runspeed variables realistically, as to ensuring my timeline is accurate. So, here it is:
0 min- Walk threw the front doors of the building I work at, headphones on, cuz I`m the new janitor and they think I`m weird anyway. Just pushing my janitor cart around lol..
2m31s- Am on the roof now, everyone thinks I`m in the basement fixing a leak, which will lower suspicion by a significant amount.
3m21s- Nestled into a good shotting position over looking wall st. SlipKnot is blasting my Sennheisers — about to unload once the breakdown kicks in.
3m55s- OK its the breakdown, Fuck coreys voice is amazeing. I`m unloadin on every suit & tie weareing robot peace of shit that ruined this countrys economy with their schemes. Hopefully plinked at least 20 jews. Im loseing track of time, changeing mags I say to myself, not realizing Ive been going at it for 4-5 minutes, OK the cops are showing up.
8m57s- Brakeing down weapons system & returning to the basement.
10m11s- Comeing up from the basement now… acting shocked and terrified at what happened. Say stuff like >”Id kill that motherfucker if I find him,” to lower if not completely remove suspicion once again.
8h24m22s- Back at home now,going to watch the news & post, lol.
>be me
>made silent fart and mom asks what it is
>tell her the food in the fridge probably went bad
>tell her that microwavable ramen, tendies, and twinkies never go bad
>she didn't fall for it
>"nice try, joker."
>she never found out it was coming from my asshole
>she had to spray the whole kitchen to mask that smell
How far will the jokester go?
>>71919001
>>I spend the rest of my time while grounded picking my nose and wiping it in conspicuous but inconvenient places
>>71917294
>Read anon's story, think it's funny
>don't even reply
>>71902379
>good morning mom
it's actually the afternoon
NO GOD NO MASTER, BITCH
>>71902313
You'll all feel downright BATTY after I share this next one. I'm surprised I wasn't committed to the ASYLUM for it, HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
>Be me, 16
>Commercial airs on television; disney channel
>My solemn gaze peers through the capitalist lies
>Phil of the future starts airing
>"WITH YOUR PARENT'S PERMISSION GO TO DISNEY CHANNEL DOT COM..."
>The voice began to blur in my head as the madness became unshackled
>I kneed my baby sister off of her stupid fucking webkinz website and logged her out
>She starts crying, wailing as her fists pounded against the chair I was sitting on
>I rocked back and fourth so to occasionally knead over her tiny toddler fingers (they still haven't grown in properly, even years later because of how brutally disfigured they are)
>Switch to yahoo.com search engine and download Bonzi Buddy; tell him to call me MISTER J
>Bonzi Buddy asks me if I want to hear a joke
>Life is my melodramatic punchline, so I click accept as I begin to type "Disney.com" into the search bar
>Mom asks why sister is crying
>Throw the keyboard at wall, digging the leg of the chair into my poor infant sister's hand until she passes out
>"Jamie? I'm coming upstairs."
>Tell that bitch I don't go by Jamie any more
>It's Mister J
>I start slamming my face against the screen, dragging my tongue along the monitor as the screen pulls up, Bonzi Buddy screeching me to stop
>He seeks to placate a god with an offering
>What do you call a cow that can't give milk?
>MY MOTHER I screamed as she rushed in to grapple my sister
>"WHAT ARE YOU?"
>My mother squealed as Bonzi Buddy responded for me
An utter failure!
But will the movie be good?
>wait for my neighbour to put his bins out
>sneak out at night and rummage through them
>find some old letters
>now i know where he lives
>>71903945
At least you can warn people when you shit yourself
>>71904265
>priest says "peace be with you"
>don't answer back
I'M LITERALLY POSSESSED
>'preheat oven before placing pizza in middle of oven on a baking tray'
>don't bother preheating oven
>just place pizza on the shelf
Hee hee hee!
>>71926039
D*mn...a chill just ran down my spine...
>>71904342
If only they knew you're doing it ironically
>post in this thread
>didnt actually do what I said I did
>mom says i dinga
>tfw i samba lamba
tee hee hoo
>>71927047
>>71903132
>>71903271
>Be me
>Be gay
>Have realy religious parents
Mom literally freaked
>>71903115
>>fill it with white pepper instead
Not even the joker would go that far! She's going to think it's a salt shaker!
>>71912163
ARE YOU THE FUCKING JOKER???????
>post moms gonna freak story
>didn't post it in designated freaking out moms thread
>it wasn't even a joking man thread
>>71919001
>and they never found my can stash
>>71903132
Why did the schoolyard shit make me cry from laughing
Fuck you, /tv/
>>71927454
>he believed the meme
lmao
Mom was throwing some family get together and while no one was looking, I poured a few dozen thumb tacks into a bowl of Smarties and mixed them in hahahahahaha
MOM WAS FREAKING OUT WHEN THE BLOOD STARTED APPEARING
>>71906740
These fellas probably do
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gPbVRpRgHso
>>71906740
These fellas probably do
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gPbVRpRgHso
>>71925827
>Switch to yahoo.com search engine and download Bonzi Buddy; tell him to call me MISTER J
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA
>>71928305
NO
>>71928305
reported
>>71928305
This is a bannable offense.
how does this pic make you feel inside?
knowing this will never be you?
>>71919610
>me on the right
>>71928305
kill yourself
>>71926039
Fuck's sake. That's spooky
>>71912376
SAVAGE
I returned a DVD.
I didn't rewind it.
>>71902379
>it's going to be a long winter
Lost it
>>71926039
ABSOLUTE DEVILSH
>go to theater
>start peeing on everyone
>>71902379
10/10
>Be 16
>Getting ready to go to high school
>Mom tells me to brush my teeth before I leave for school
>I grin menacingly into the mirror, I marvel in my yellow teeth.
>shout down "yes mom"
>laugh manically as I walk downstairs past my mother, stare at her in the eyes, "don't worry mom, I'll be fine" as I smile at her.
>>71902379
top kek
>Mom says my hair is getting too long and I need a haircut
>Stride out to the car, still wearing my joker graphic t from the shitty Heath Ledger movie
>I've worn it ironically to embarrass mom for the past three months
>She sighs and lights up on the way to the strip mall
>Big fat lady doing my hair
>Mom tells her how to cut it before going to meet Burt by the dumpsters out back
>Daddy doesn't know about Burt but I'm saving that as my little trump card if he ever catches me spilling his half empty Pabsts on the arm-pits of my Joker t-shirt
>I tell the fat lady to dye my hair green to make mom flip
>She says no and tightens my restraints
>Start struggling and start working up a steady piss stain
>All the customers and the fat lady can smell piss and alchohol in this little shop as I'm struggling and sweating against the binds
>mfw she has to tell mom what I did
>Moms at two packs a day now
F L I P P E D
>>71922707
I'm here for Harley Quinn. I fuckin love Harley Quinn.
>mom tells me to turn the light off and go to bed
>sleep with the light on
>fail calculus test by small margin because of lack of sleep from the light being on
>fail out of high school
>mom is forever disappointing in her son now and has to bear living with me for the rest of her life
HEE HEE HOO HOO
>>71918608
F*ck God
>>71902313
>go to gag store as kid, buy fart spray
>super effective, some reason I smell nothing
>next day, go to blockbuster while mom shops
>start spraying it on random movie cases
>customers start noticing it, really upset
>go to employees, come to consensus there's gas leak
>evacuate the blockbuster, and business next door
>fire department and EMTs show up
>mom shows up after shopping, tell her, freaks
>be 17
>draw swastika on desk at school in pen
>have to meet with counselor three times a week
>on the first day literally laugh the whole time until i get yelled at
>now i just draw my swastikas in a notebook that i hide between my mattress and box spring
>the jokes on them, they only taught me how to get away with it
>>71902379
>"See you, space cowboy..."
>doctor tells me to drink lots of water
>drink soda and juice instead
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
>never seed torrents
>>71929718
>torrent porn and create a shortcut on the desktop
>>71903132
>>71918378
>Holy fuck dude
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WHO SPEAKS LIKE THIS REEEEEEEEEEEEE
>>71902379
came for the keks. stayed for the art
>be hard
>get mums dildo
>fuck my ass with it
>now shes fuck herself with my ass juice
that will teach her for being a shit cunt
>>71902379
>it's going to be a long winter
good all the way through desu senpai
>get paycheck
>mom oversees
>Tells me to put 30% into the emergency fund
>I instead put it to diversify my bonds
Heh, never stood a chance
>>71904683
What a qt
>>71904683
I dont doubt about this one lol
>>71903945
why
>>71902379
overrated post
>>71912082
nice
>in kitchen
>mom asks me to get her some coffee
>secretly make decaf
I think she knew but I don't give a f*ck I'm crazy like that
What’s that mom and dad? You want me to eat something other than fruit roll-ups? Fuck off. FUCK OFF. What’s that mom and dad? You want me to stop watching TV? You expect me to stop watching TV when there’s a Street Sharks marathon on? Fuck off! Leave me the fuck alone. Leave me the FUCK alone! What’s that mom and dad? You’re not gonna buy me DC ankle socks to go with the DC shoes you bought me? FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUCK OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>>71902379
>>71902665
You ARE my son...
>>71906740
I have a friend that I've known since fifth grade who does. He's a Russian satanist that watches anime and MLP too. He always wears pants like that along with long black leather coats two sizes too big and those John Lennon kinda round lensed red sunglasses. Once he unironically tried to convince me and a friend that this one anime girl was real, his reasoning for this argument was that for example, if you were to snap a picture of Jennifer Aniston, Jennifer Aniston would still be real even though she exists in a 2D format, same goes for Yuno Gasai from Mirai Nikki apparently, despite the fact that Yuno Gasai is drawn from scratch while pictures of Jennifer Aniston have been taken with a real camera in a real world of a real person. Me and my friend tried to tell him this but he'd always avoid that point and reply with "fuck you, stop bullying me and my waifu" so we just gave up. He also roleplays on all sorts of Russian furry and MLP forums. Apparently him and a (most likely 30 something year old) guy whom he met online pretend on Skype that he's a cat and his friend is a dog. He said most of the conversations are just him meowing and hissing while his friend growls or barks in response.
The funniest thing is that it seems he himself doesn't even realize how fucking absurd and insane his world is. It's like he wouldn't even be believable in a goddamn sitcom. He's such a surreal character that he shouldn't even be real yet by some fucking miracle he is. It's like he takes the autism and most absurd cringe shit ever to the next level, so bad that even the FICTIONAL shit I see on motherfucking 4CHAN can barely compete.
>mfw this guy is somehow one of my best friends and gets along with us perfectly, even though the rest of us are totally normal social people with girlfriends and shit while he's... well, this...
But yeah, to answer your question people do wear those kind of pants.
I threw a knife at the bathroom door when I was home alone once. I don't know, it wasn't a big deal really, mum was just like 'what is this?' and I was like 'I don't know'.
COME OUT TO PLAAAAY HEHEEEEEHEHEHEH
>>71934444
CHECKD
>>71934393
>>71934393
>still being friends with the autistic kid from school
that's some squad lov brotha
>>71930572
This.
>>71928815
Joseph Kony, please go.
>>71934393
The fact that you watch anime and know about characters makes you not normal.
>>71902379
Is this kino?
>>71902379
>all this samefagging
>>71935190
I'd agree but I actually don't watch anime. He's just shoved it down my throat to the point I know the character. Although I actually didn't know the name of the show until now because I looked it up for whatever weebs might be reading.
>>71902379
>>71904464
>feed the dog...catfood
Dude...
>>71902379
>>71904448
>anti-bacterial
More like anti-blackterial amirite guys lol.
Like and subscribe it'll really help me out.
>>71902379
Shit greentext you samefag
>>71902395
dumb fuck you gave away god-tier tendies
i hope you die of hunger
>being the absolute psychopath chaos incarnate that i am, i went out from the window to cause havoc in the city
>mom didn't see me
>i menacingly walk up to a bald guy, snickering like the magnanimous clown prince i am
>i ask him did he stick his head into a [sic] acid bowl because U DON'T HAVE HAIR LMAO
>expect him to whimper and crack under my hilariously offensive joke
>turns out he was more DAMAGED than i was, so i find myself with a knife piercing my throat
>content with dying, i am glad that MOM'S GONNA FREAK when she hears what happened.
>be at friends house
>he goes to the bathroom
>change his desktop background and run away
>>71926039
You are the one true Joker
>>71903132
no idea why but I lel'd desu
