/trv/, I need some advice.
I'm 21, depressed, suicidal, a smidge of masochism, and a potential for alcoholism. I was recently kicked out of the military about 4 months ago due to how severe it was. Even went to a psych ward twice. I was lucky enough to get a computer repair job in Omaha, NE with my friend. I live with him and another.
However, I would say that I'm closer to suicide now than I ever have been before. No, I will not go to counseling, be put on drugs, etc... Been there, done that. Didn't do anything for me.
For 2 years now I have been playing with the idea of just dropping everything and hiking across the country. I have 11k in my bank so money wouldn't be an issue.
The reason I need your advice, or rather, input, is that I am curious if any other anons have been in the same situation. I am looking for personal stories. Specifically where you ended up afterwards.
Thanks in advance
>>1091365
Working holiday visa in Australia famalam
Was the same at 20, working night shift at 7-11 and just generally a loser. Turned it around get a passport, plane ticket and work visa cost you about 1k
>>1091368
I was in pretty bad shape, psychologically. Prepared for a working holiday visa and got better. After 2 months of travelling i started a menial labour job and lived on a hostel.
It destroyed me. Got severe depression afterwards. After 5 months of sea im getting back on track and travelling onwards.
I do not recommend this
>already emotionally isolated
>considering becoming physically isolated
what could go wrong?
>>1091365
To drop out of life for the life of the homeless person, when you have the benefit of a job and some measure of security is a dumb move. I'll go even further to say that it is a byproduct of your undertreated depression, so complete ignore this "escapist" dropout ideation like it's some kind of freedom, but really just a symptom. Running way is a common symptom at feeling "trapped" and the cure is meds or some forward momentum that is positive for you (such as education paths, or growth in some sense).
What you need is rest, a great diet, good sleep and probably some therapy that works along the line as life coach since you have poor decisionmaking in your current undertreated state. What you do not need is body stress, wear and tear on your body, nor worries about money. Give your body a chance to replace the serotonin you need to staying away from alcohol or other forms of self-medicating. Get onto a regular sleep schedule that you don't deviate from one or two nights a week. That won't work for you.
To refuse all meds and treatment because it didn't once work for you? That makes you seem crazy. Knock it off and be real. The majority of medical professionals aren't under some delusion that its bad for you, that's all on you. They know best. You're sick. Put it together and figure out what makes more sense.
>>1091431
This x100. Dont do it OP, be reasonable.
>>1091431
>What you need is rest, a great diet, good sleep and probably some therapy that works along the line as life coach since you have poor decisionmaking in your current undertreated state. What you do not need is body stress, wear and tear on your body, nor worries about money. Give your body a chance to replace the serotonin you need to staying away from alcohol or other forms of self-medicating. Get onto a regular sleep schedule that you don't deviate from one or two nights a week. That won't work for you.
>To refuse all meds and treatment because it didn't once work for you? That makes you seem crazy. Knock it off and be real. The majority of medical professionals aren't under some delusion that its bad for you, that's all on you. They know best. You're sick. Put it together and figure out what makes more sense.
Confirmed for never having dealt with mental disorders first hand
>>1091463
confirmed for being a huge shit-for-brains that thinks suffering from a lack of identity and meaning at age 21 means you have a mental disorder
OP you cant get the approval of people who have steady lives and are grounded to tell you to go do a thing like that.
If you really feel shitty you have to make the decision on your own and go or just kill yourself. Stop pussyfooting.
>>1091496
OP mentioned depression suicide, turdlicker
>>1091496
Been to a psych ward twice, been on several drugs, been clinically diagnosed with depression.
Also, let's take into consideration that while 10k could be enough for travel, a "life coach", therapist, and so on would drain my finances. But I'm willing to assume you have a job of some kind that doesn't really put you in a situation to worry about finances that much.
More than likely going to go through with the latter of what >>1091497 said.
Thread over
kill your self faggot
jk don't kill your self
seek help antidepressants work like a charm
if were in your position i would use the 11k to go back to school
>>1091537
Antidepressants do nothing except numb you to the point your depression doesn't bother you that much. Or in some cases, like when I was on Prozac, it fuckso your brain up so much to where 1 day you're on top of the world, and the next you hide in your job's bathroom stalls several times crying your eyes out. I swear that it and Effexor did some irreversible damage to my mind.
Wouldn't recommend
>>1091720
You're weak and scared. You are not a man.
>>1091365
wasnt nearly as bad as you but ive traveled to the point of no return and will probably be doing it for the rest of my life. nobidy has the right answer for you and beware people that give advice but no assistance (like all if us)
>dont quit your job, your job should be your first priority
it sounds like you have fucked up but you have good friends that are helping you out. they will value you if you stay loyal, dont shake them. they also know how to deal with you, i guess, other employers arent going to want to work through your issues
>if you get desperate take the meds
i hate meds and have never used them but if it comes down to it use them before you snap and really fuck up your life
>if you travel get something out of it
take classes in another location that will improve your work skills
stay grounded, it sounds like you just need some time to reflect. ask for a week off and hike for a week, dont take the plunge while you are unstable like this
imo traveling does help sort out issues but you have to look at where you are going to be from doing it
>>1091828
You've never met that person and you're making a judgement like that? Jesus dude, turn off the internet for a few days.
>>1091463
This. lol
OP, hang in there.
I was 20 and super depressed. I studied psych, have been in social work, and I refuse to take meds as well. I had a ton of friends, was making ridiculous money, and life seemed good on the outside. But it never felt that way and I never told anyone about my depression. I planned to kill myself and /b/ of all places convinced me that I should spend whatever money I had on travelling before offing myself. It got to me, so I got another promotion at work and decided to quit, instead. I wanted to see 4 places: Thailand, Vegas, Hawaii, and Italy. I did, and I kept going. I ran out of money at some point and had to go back, but it made me curious enough to want to keep living. And at that point in my life, having a purpose/goal saved me.
But the thing is that I got lucky. So many people leave and they come back to the same problems. I managed to sort my head out while I was out there... but I also worked on all the things that I hated about myself.
4 years later and I'm still traveling. I've lived in 4 different countries, travelled through almost 40, and I have no intention of stopping. My life is very unconventional, but I'm also finally happy with it. For a while, I was afraid I would want to just travel forever as I know it isn't sustainable. But I think I'll want a more stable life in a year or two as I'm finally starting to appreciate the office job I used to have.
Honestly, I took a gamble & left. The first place I ended up living in was Australia and I literally had nothing in my bank account and was living off my credit card. Turned it around and left with a shit ton of money before traveling again.
>>1092328
I was always pretty likable but an introvert. I came to terms with a lot of things about myself. I learned to be more independent. Learned to be more okay with wanting to be alone all the time. Learned to not be such a pussy with women. Learned to do what I want, when I want. I also learned to have faith in people again, too.
I like where I'm at now and it's crazy to think about how badly I wanted to kill myself at one point. I can't tell you what to do but I realized that I just needed to feel alive again. I'm a hedonist, so unfortunately, I need more than the average person to stay stimulated/feel alive. But all I've had to do is adjust my life so that it's more exciting and get better at coping with it when it's not.
One of my best friends knew me well enough to not try to stop me/convince me not to kill myself, so he got me a notebook, instead. I actually sorted out a lot of my shit through just writing. I'd recommend you give that a try, too. Whatever you're feeling, write it down. Argue with yourself and reason it through on paper. Make goals, etc. whatever on it. I'm over the rough patch, but still keep a notebook for days when I'm really in my head. Good luck.
>>1092330
Care to explain how you changed yourself?
>>1091365
Hey senpai, I can somewhat relate. I joined the army out of school and slowly sank into depression, with a healthy dose of social anxiety. Eventually had a full meltdown, spent time on a psych ward and was discharged. Luckily I was never suicidal though.
I completed some study afterwards and recovered somewhat but still felt 'lost'. Went on a big trip overseas and never came back. I have visited home since then, but never long term. I work, I have a wife, child on the way... basically a pretty good life. All considered, abandoning my old life was the best thing I ever did.
I say just go. I had less than 11k and it worked out OK in the end. The worst that happens is that you kill yourself in a new and exciting place, best case is you don't kill yourself after all.
>>1091431
>To drop out of life for the life of the homeless person, when you have the benefit of a job and some measure of security is a dumb move.
Damn skippy. You think you're fucking depressed now but you'll feel real pain when you haven't eaten in days. I wouldn't be saying this if I wasn't a mental case myself. I literally have fifteen dollars to my name right now and a job interview on Monday.
Can you tell me more about your experience in military?
>>1091365
If ya go through topkeka ill be sure to give ya a wave.
>>1092546
OP here.
Joined about a year and a half ago. I had just completed 1 year of college and had been taking out student loans. While I was lucky enough to where I had plenty of money saved up from working since the 6th grade, I realized that A) I wouldn't have enough money to pay off my loans in a reasonable amount of time (just got done paying my first year off this year), and B) I have no idea what I want to do.
In high school I wanted Anthropology, then it became Neurology, the Comp Science, and now IDK.
I decided to join the AF for 4 years and leave with some experience and college money. During my 6 months tech school I realized that this wasn't gonna be enjoyable. Had a major breakdown in front of my roommate at the time. He sent me to see a chaplain. We talked once, then he never contacted me again. Eventually I was stationed in Ramstein, Germany where about 2-3 months in a saw a chaplain, then a therapist, and the rest is mentioned in my first post.
After I got out of the psych ward the second time, they pretty much decided to let me go.
And here I am today in my current situation.
>>1092450
I guess the biggest thing is that I stopped being so rational all the time. I had all these rules for myself and they helped me with my career success, but I became boring in the process. I've been working on listening to how I feel more and it's paid off handsomely in terms of experiences and the people that I've met. When I was younger, I was indifferent to a lot of things; but I've realized that it was all just a big wall that I put up because I didn't want to get hurt. I knew all these women who really liked me, but I'd never let myself fall for them. Now, I sort of embrace love (as corny as it sounds) and all the shit that comes with it. I
It's gotten to a point where I'd try pretty much anything twice (the second time to make sure I don't like it) and I'm pretty much that guy who's always open to different stuff/not very judgmental.
I'm also an only child but never really got used to being alone because I had a lot of friends growing up. When I got older and everyone started to get busy, I just got lonely and it hit me harder than it would most people because I was prone to depression. But now I really embrace being alone and I've learned to find my balance with recharging as an introvert so that I can still meet people/be sociable (as it is draining for me).
Writing all that makes it seem so trivial, but people who've been depressed know that all the dumb shit still makes you feel shitty even if you know it shouldn't.
